tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36119192008-04-24T23:40:28.930-07:00AvatarBlogger723125This is an XML content feed. It is intended to be viewed in a newsreader or syndicated to another site.tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-43163916696827178232008-04-13T20:02:00.000-07:002008-04-13T20:13:23.639-07:00

Gawd, y'all are a loyal and affectionate bunch! Like Grampa said in the comments, I'm alive and doing alright (most of the time). Insert "focus shifts", "demands on my time", "real life got in the way" and other standard blogger disclaimers here, since one thing that annoys me is blogging about why one isn't blogging. I've got (good, bad, boring... who knows?) stories in the pipeline. I'm

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2008/04/i-miss-you-too.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-35048919579207899752008-01-08T19:08:00.000-08:002008-01-08T19:57:05.486-08:00

What do you mean the feast is over? I just sat down. Everyone else has had their fill, so why can't I? ...and why is my face flushed? What do you mean the dance is over? I just put my shoes on. ...and why does my chest feel so tight? What do you mean the show is over? I just got here. ...and why do my eyes sting?I've spoken often of my 90-day pattern. Days 1-30, more fun than anything. Days

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2008/01/darkest-day-dawns.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-376453594698090432007-11-26T14:41:00.000-08:002007-11-26T14:46:34.278-08:00

In honor of the reason for my prolonged absence, here are some very funny spots: I'm sorry for the radio silence... I'd launch into a long-winded explanation of where I've been and what I've been up to, but blogging about why one hasn't been blogging is one of the more annoying blogger clichés, so I'll just say real life got in the way and be done with it. I've got plenty of material

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/11/funny-condom-ads.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-35776486247388424412007-10-31T22:12:00.000-07:002007-10-31T22:13:31.082-07:00

Cannot wait for this movie... LOVE her!!

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/10/angelina-at-her-kick-ass-best.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-38197303773243552992007-10-24T00:37:00.000-07:002007-10-23T21:45:33.836-07:00

I think a return to normalcy is in order... [click to enlarge] ...and normal it is! I must confess, though, that I'm not so much in lust with the cock as I am the composition of the shot. The colors are marvelous. Plus, it doesn't hurt that there's a bit of humor, what with the crazy farmer's tan, and all. TECHNORATI TAGS: cockbloggingwednesday, cockblogging

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/10/cckblogging-wednesday_24.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-21325467504119270172007-10-21T14:56:00.000-07:002007-10-21T20:48:19.143-07:00

DickmatizedAs in hypnotized by the dick of one's latest sexual conquest."Seth has Eliza dickmatized."Or, as I found out recently, "driving across 2 counties at 3 AM just to get a piece of that". And hot damn, was it good! And for those of you who've had enough of the dick mentions on this blog, might I make up for the overabundance of wang-centric posts by baking you some nice vaginacakes?

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/10/addicktion.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-60454435662377971952007-10-16T00:15:00.000-07:002007-10-17T19:22:58.506-07:00

EDIT: Video fixed. It's no Tenacious D -approved "Cock Push-ups", but it' still a pretty awesome video to watch. Just add water... watch it grow! How cool is that? And hands free, too... I wonder what this guy was thinking about. TECHNORATI TAGS: cockbloggingwednesday, cockblogging

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/10/cckblogging-wednesday_12.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-2426162939078130922007-10-14T22:21:00.000-07:002007-10-14T22:49:14.424-07:00

Number of platonic meetings masquerading (in his mind only) as first dates: 1 Number of hours of relatively pleasant conversation, cumulative: 2.5 Number of Grey Goose martinis consumed: 2 Number of Grey Goose martinis I paid for: 0 Number of not-so-subtle attempts made by martini buyer to hold my hand, brush past my arm, graspy my thigh, or kiss me: I lost count at 17 Number of offers of

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/10/this-weekend-in-numbers.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-5294948301454278882007-10-11T11:26:00.000-07:002007-10-11T11:32:47.487-07:00

And today.... a two-fer! Cock A: Cock B: So what's your preference? A or B? TECHNORATI TAGS: cockbloggingwednesday, cockblogging

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/10/cckblogging-wednesday_11.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-13889675932273929732007-10-10T11:01:00.000-07:002007-10-10T11:06:38.412-07:00

If anyone would like tickets to their show on 10/15 at the Civic in Santa Monica, leave a comment. (Jack, feel free to communicate with those who respond in whatever manner you wish.)

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/10/rilo-kiley-tickets.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-9087927992751157002007-10-09T10:40:00.000-07:002007-10-09T11:19:51.072-07:00

No, I don't want any of your "good-ass mandingo donkey-dick". No, I'd prefer that you not "fuck me in half". No, I'd rather you didn't "fuck the taste out of my mouth". No, I won't "let (you) show (me) what a Hawaiian Muscle Fuck is". No, I can't say I've ever wanted to be "throatfucked while lying flat on (my) back with (my) head hanging off the side of the bed". No, I don't want to "coat us

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/06/no-thank-you.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-56139369596451795772007-10-03T11:23:00.000-07:002007-10-03T11:31:45.100-07:00

I've been so preoccupied the last few days that I haven't had time for a proper post. Consider this first motion-picture version of CBW as my penance. Don't worry... auto-play has not been enabled. Enjoy! TECHNORATI TAGS: cockbloggingwednesday, cockblogging

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/10/cckblogging-wednesday.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-26287481962618159212007-09-26T00:23:00.000-07:002007-10-03T11:31:52.033-07:00

Huh. I've always wanted to try on a leather corset, just to see how it looks on me, and whether or not I could pull it off. Apparently, someone else had the same idea. Though, considering how visibly well it's cinched, I sincerely doubt his-- or anyone's, for that matter-- ability to literally pull it off. TECHNORATI TAGS: cockbloggingwednesday, cockblogging

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/09/cckblogging-wednesday_26.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-3230711432411437802007-09-24T22:18:00.000-07:002007-09-24T22:47:49.870-07:00

I'd like to throw this topic out to my heterosexual male readers: What is it about romantic relationships with women that scare you so much? Why is it that allowing yourself the unmitigated pleasure of falling madly head-over-heels for a worthy woman often equated with certain death? What is it about getting emotionally intimate with a woman that scares the bejeezus out of an otherwise

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/09/heaven-forbid.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-47896652848717085082007-09-23T15:11:00.000-07:002007-09-23T22:06:50.887-07:00

A few months ago, Slut Machine over at One D At A Time broke her vagina. Man, I don't even want to imagine that kind of pain. Apropos of nothing in particular, a note of caution: it's one thing to have food allergies. It's quite another to discover your food allergy only after a rigorous bout of cunnilingus. If you're allergic to tomatoes, gooseberries, or kiwi fruit, make sure to ask the

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/09/unpleasant-post-meal-surprises.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-89740125803370253402007-09-19T23:16:00.001-07:002007-09-19T23:27:13.615-07:00

Y'know that geriatric child-molester on Family Guy? Well, if you do, all I've got to say is, "Mmmmm..." Yummy. You could balance encyclopedia volumes on that monster. TECHNORATI TAGS: cockbloggingwednesday, cockblogging

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/09/cckblogging-wednesday_19.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-79966045276373495112007-09-18T18:46:00.000-07:002007-09-19T23:30:00.914-07:00

Why is it that 9 out of 10ª of the women with whom I went to college were named one (or more) of the following: Melissa / Melyssa* / Mellisa*MichelleLisa Emily / Emilie Brittany / Britney / Britni / Brittni* Lindsay / Lindsey / Lindsi Courtney / Kourtney / Kortney Katherine / Katie / Kathy / Kate / Katharine / Kat / Catherine / Cathy / Catie / Cate / Cat

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/09/commonalities.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-60556835852906607172007-09-16T19:31:00.000-07:002007-09-16T19:53:46.349-07:00

...I exclaimed animatedly. "What was?" he responded with a quizzical look on his shadowed face. I slowly kneaded the stirring beast trapped in his jeans, loudly whispering "You're raring to go-- and impressively so, I might add!-- in no time flat." "Oh, that? That's normal." Four loud snaps as he skillfully undid my top. "Really?", I respond, eyes wide with excitement. I pressed closer to

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/09/that-was-fast.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-91698848661359964522007-09-12T23:12:00.000-07:002007-09-12T23:17:16.284-07:00

Oh, come on now! There's no way in hell this thing could be real. ...Is there? I'm scared. Hold me. TECHNORATI TAGS: cockbloggingwednesday, cockblogging

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/09/cckblogging-wednesday_12.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-5552286701113143402007-09-09T22:35:00.000-07:002007-09-09T22:36:49.068-07:00

I hate that awkward song-and-dance, promotion-meets-sabotage phase before a semi-blind date. HATE. Why does relationshipping have to be so fucking complicated? That is all.

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/09/ugh.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-47027349234684202652007-09-07T14:35:00.000-07:002007-09-09T15:39:29.447-07:00

Breeder paranoia rears its ugly head yet again. These days, if Rian Romoli accidentally bumps into a child, he quickly raises his hands above his shoulders. "I don't want to give even the slightest indication that any inadvertent touching occurred," says Mr. Romoli, an economist in La Cañada Flintridge, Calif. [snip] Last month, I wrote about how our culture teaches children to fear men1.

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/09/far-from-perfect.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-73700564226198129472007-09-05T01:14:00.000-07:002007-09-05T01:21:03.251-07:00

It is often said that it's not always the meat, it's the matter; it's not the size of the boat, but rather the motion of the ocean; it's not always the size that counts, but rather how you use it. Here we have the streamlined, energy-efficient Executive model. Sleek, compact, and very tidy. Comes with everything you need, nothing you don't. It's less cumbersome than the Human Tripod model,

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/09/cckblogging-wednesday.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-49356215717291361682007-09-02T14:21:00.000-07:002007-09-02T14:26:19.996-07:00

Yesterday, I witnessed an ancient relic that I thought did not exist in these modern times. No, not the Abominable Snowman, but rather, a grown woman who really, truly still believed that women pee from their vaginas. Uh, no , Einstein: we have three holes down there.

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/09/sasquatch-spotted.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-51683577539914741162007-08-31T23:19:00.000-07:002007-09-01T00:26:26.573-07:00

...because I don't quite get it. Hot on the heels of the Larry Craig scandal, I came across this personal ad: I dont do kissing, i consider myself straight, BUTT!! ha ha I have dabbled with anal on guys before. its been a long time, but now its time again. I like TSs but willing to give it to a shaved young thing. I dont do bears. I like em young and clean. Sorry.So, lemme get this straight (

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/08/explain-this-one-to-me.htmltag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3611919.post-47469005750366360352007-08-29T13:51:00.001-07:002007-08-29T13:54:33.775-07:00

Sometimes, all it takes is a glimpse. I think we can all agree that in this case, an ounce of pretension is worth a pound of sure. TECHNORATI TAGS: cockbloggingwednesday, cockblogging

Avatarhttp://offkilter.blogspot.com/2007/08/cckblogging-wednesday_29.html