'Avin' A Giraffe

The Sunday Joint: The "All your lesbians are belong to us" Edition

2010-09-26T12:39:00.002+01:00

Afternoon all. Back once again like a renegade master. Apologies for the absence. I've been moving/rejiggling/hunkered over in the spacelab writing fresh scripts. Click on through the break for a fresh dose of Sunday funnies...

Just for the record, I reckon this is way worse tham waking someone up with the psycho app on my phone. Not that I'd do that, just sayin' I think this is way worse (via @minutesofmayhem)...

Blank Bullet Scare Prank - Watch more Funny Videos

He's still the man, I don't care what anyone says, but this is pretty fucking funny...

Next up a fantastic little animation called Laundry Day. Anyone that grew up watching Saturday morning cartoons will appreciate this...

I make no apologies for this next clip. It is bad. But in an exceedingly internet fails are the new funny type manner...

Finally and in the spirit of great fails...

That is all. Go and do something in the real world. I will see you again soon...

The Sunday Joint:The 'Crazy Never Die' Special

2010-08-29T15:24:00.000+01:00

I so forgot to post this earlier, the Hunter S Thompson film The Crazy Never Die. Its a strange little film produced by the infamous Mitchell Brothers giving the viewer front row access to a lecture the good doctor did at a university in the eighties. As lucid as it is intriguing in my opinion (Sourced from Disinfo)...

The Sunday Joint: The 'Fried Beer' Edition

2010-08-29T10:51:00.000+01:00

Morning all. Yup that's right, as the title of this post suggests and the picture above proves, some *genius* at the Texas state fair this year, figured out how to fry beer. No you heard right, no need to double check that last sentence. Insert "only in America/Bloody Yanks/Oh he's picking on the Americans and not the Welsh this week" type comment here...................................

Click on through the break for more funnies...

Two words. Marketing genius...

WTF!?!?

Ok next up, one for the image purists, this is once of the first tests Kodak did for the Kodachrome film brand. Gotta admit, its kind of entrancing to watch...

(via BoingBoing)

This next one's for the Playlord...

Boob apron, PMSL!!...

I always wondered if this had ever happened...

This girl loves her Oreos...

Thats it. Go home. Have a fantastic day off tomorrow I will see you all soon.

Lunchtime Funnies: 27 things to do in an elevator

2010-08-26T12:34:00.001+01:00

OK so I totally pilfered this from iheartpatstump (via@rachaelblogs) but what you gonna do, its the interwebs ok!

1)When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

27) Bring a plastic blow up doll and pretend it is your wife/girlfriend and say "Don't yell at me, woman!" and throw her into the wall.

The Sunday Joint: The "Weird" Edition

2010-08-22T14:55:00.000+01:00

Afternoon all, hope you've had a good weekend. First off I'd like to say congrats to my good friend Glenn who won this weeks heat of the King of the Decks competition at Ritzy, Lincoln on Friday. Fucking woo hoo!! Gotta say he killed it and the guy that was on after him that dropped three (yup that's all) rather generic D n B tunes clearly didn't. And before I forget, I have to give the guy who we caught trying to moonwalk across the sticky mess that is Ritzys carpet a mention. Of course he failed and then carried on walking normally in a "I hope no one saw that" type manner. Anyhoozle click on through the break for more Sunday mayhem...

First up this girl is *clearly* a genius...

Next up, lonely? Looking for that special someone? Desperare? Why not check out a couple of these inmate hotties..

Next up, this guy brings it, Wu Tang style, alone. Awesomeness...

Oh to be a rock star. Iron Maiden ran up this bill in a bar in Norway recently. Around £2,108 give or take a few pence...

And finally for the day, just because we love him around these parts and just because I fancy finishing on a top tune CeeLo - Fuck You. Its really not safe for work at all. But still, awesome...

Have a brilliant week catch you all later...

The Sunday Joint: The 'Luke, I am Batman' Edition

2010-08-15T16:51:00.000+01:00

Evening all. Welcome to your Sunday dose of funnies. The above stone was found just around the corner from my local. There is a joke in there somewhere. In fact I'm sure there are about 50 odd, so I shall leave it open to you guys. Yup that's right, a caption competion if you will. Answers on a postcard (or more likely through the comments down the bottom there). Best one wins a night with James's Mum (click on through the break for this weeks post)...

First up, Catception. Brilliant...

Superhero fans, like you don't want to see this mashup...

Next up a rather amusing interview between Steve Carell and Zach Galifianakis (you know the fat funny one from the Hangover)...

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Steve Carell from Between Two Ferns

Welcome to the Hotel Patronising people...

Two wrongs do make a right, apparently...

You see this is why censorship is bad. Or good. Oh god I'm so confused. Good work Yahoo! News...

And finally for today, an old joke...

In 1872 the Welsh invented the condom, using a sheeps bladder. However in 1873 the English somewhat refined the idea by taking the bladder out of the sheep first.

Thats, go home, get off my land etc etc. Have a top week all...

The Sunday Joint: The '400 posts old' Edition

2010-08-08T17:33:00.002+01:00

Uber-creepy number plate...

Evening all. Yup that's right, this blog is officially 400 posts old. At least I can take the credit for that myself and no one is likely to steal it unlike certain other projects I'm involved in *retracts claws*. Anyways plenty to laugh about in todays post just click on through...

*UPDATE* As I pressed publish on this post both the panda and Pulp Fiction videos were pulled from YouTube. Apologies there is nothing I can do in these circumstances.
First up, good on this Panda I say. Looks like it's living conditions were pretty schissen anyhow...

This just made me wet myself quite simply...

Next up, you will never guess where the card is (NSFW)...

This could be the worlds longest basketball shot (direct distance from shooter to goal). Either ways its frickin' impressive...

And finally, Pulp Fiction if made by Disney...

Friday Funnies: The 'Your Mum' Edition

2010-08-06T07:10:00.000+01:00

Morning all. Yup thats right. The lovely Emma Watson of Harry Potter fame (I'll Hermione her Granger *snigger*) has had all of her hair chopped off. And as you can see from the picture above, she is ultra smoking now...

In other news, I had a blog post to write. Oh yeah. So #FridayDrinks, Lincolns informal meet up of Twitter folk is 1 years old today. We wear big boys pants these days and everyfink. The do itself will be at the Adam and Eve, so if you're in Lincoln and on Twitter I suggest you head up to the Adam from about 7:30. In the meantime click on through the break for your dose of Friday Funnies (or stay here and stare at the picture of Emma for hours like I didn't do last night)...

Not much to say about this one except you gotta keep an eye on those deer...

Next up, unless you've had your head under a rock for the past year or so, you will be aware of location based 'services' (read: games) such as FourSquare and Gowalla. Essentially you check into real life places around your area becoming Mayor of Starbucks/B&Q/The Spastics Society shop as you rack up points in the game. Well I always wondered if the following was possible. And yes I'm glad to tell you, it is...

(via the genius @disklabs)

I don't think this girl was expecting to get this high. Still want a go mind...

The Peckham Terminator (Jump to the 2:45 mark and keep watching...

Just in case you've not seen it yet...

Quick biology lesson anyone, from the most boring person on the internet (NSFW)?

Finally, you would think that the copy department would've picked this one up but thankfully for this blogger they didn't. I give you the pre-release poster for Yogi Bear 3D...

Have a top weekend all, see you around!

The Sunday Joint: The 'Best use of Glowsticks' Edition

2010-08-01T17:16:00.001+01:00

Evening all. I trust you had a good weekend. It's been a funny old week. Especially if you're Lawrence Fishburne who discovered his daughter, Montana, is not exactly following in daddies footsteps by making a xxx sex tape for Vivid Entertainment. And I quote:

"I've watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape."

Anyways some funny stuff in todays post; click on past the break to get your Sunday injection...

First up, this is completely asinine I know but it has to be the best use of glowsticks ever...

Next up, ever wonder what would happen if you forced electricity through a watermelon. Well wonder no more...

He's a dog. He has chores to do too you know, it's a tough economy out there....

Lastly and just in case you missed when I posted this on facebook during the week, one of my new musical heroes, Sxip Shirey - Dreamland Featuring Rhiannon Giddens, Adam Matta & Joe Bass. Hopefully Sxip will see this and then comment underneath, like last time. Again Jim, I wouldn't press play, you're gonna hate this...

Right I'm off to watch Thundercats, see you all later!

Afternoon Funnies: The Welshman and the sheep

2010-07-28T16:42:00.000+01:00

For @Rachaelblogs for cheering me up this afternoon...

A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck.

Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. Looking around, he realized they were stranded on a deserted island. After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better
and better to the lonely Welshman.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and... put his arm around it.

But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening... red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get 'those feelings' again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and realizing he now had the opportunity, leaned over to the young woman cautiously and whispered in her ear,

'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'

Morning Funnies: The 'Taiwan, really?' Edition

2010-07-28T07:45:00.001+01:00

Morning all. OK so if you haven't already take a look at the survey below this post. Its important ok. Also take a look at the Sxip Shirey post below that one. The beats are awesome, and the man himself actually stopped by this very blog *lets out a little bit of wee*. Anyways enough gushing...

First up, this is apparently a toilet themed chain of restaurants in Taiwan. They are expanding internationally too. Like, wtf Taiwan??

Right, which of my mates can moonwalk. I need to do this...

And finally...

Late Night Science: The formation of a lightning bolt

2010-07-27T22:00:00.002+01:00

This is amazing. Filmed at 9000 frames a second this minute and a half long video actually covers less than two seconds in real time. Watch...

(via neatorama.com)

Quick Survey: Should Miss Blogs write a comedy for me to direct?

2010-07-27T13:33:00.002+01:00

We're crowd sourcing this one peeps. Please take the time to fill out the tiny survey below....

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Morning Funnies: Newport (Ymerodraeth State of Mind)

2010-07-27T07:38:00.000+01:00

These guys may a lot to Goldie Lookin Chain, but it's still piss funny. Stolen (like a true Newportian I believe) from the wonderful Miss Blogs. Innit. Like...

Late Night Tunes: Sxip Shirey I Live In New York City

2010-07-21T21:30:00.004+01:00

Like I said in my tweet yesterday you guys are gonna hate Sxip and his beats. They're really bad, you just won't enjoy them. It's just it means so much to me, it speaks to me. Its all about NYC and I've never been. In all seriousness Jim, you probably won't like this: I wouldn't even bother pressing play mate...

Friday Funnies: The 'I'd take her to bed' Edition

2010-07-16T07:08:00.000+01:00

Morning all. Long time no post, sorry. Been busy and all. Well mostly hanging out on sickipedia. And entertaining Americans (Hi Christine ;)) Here's your post...

OK, get ready, cos Stallone's arms are really gonna freak you out...

I keep spinning around with a huge machine gun.

I think I might have Turrets Syndrome.

(via Get Wild)

Honestly, if this ever gets made, I may just kill...

Isn't it funny that sharks only attack people who are wet?

(via toshibayeboyye)

Oh Barry...

This next video is classic! She keeps saying she's ugly but I reckon she's pretty cute. As well as funny. And smart. Put it this way, I'd take her home. Anyways, you could apply this to any town...

Right then. 100 greatest movie quotes of all time. And, GO!!...

Finally I will leave you with the astonishing Beardyman. Yup he is making ALL of those sounds himself...

Have a top Friday and a good weekend. See y'all later....

Late Night Funnies: Twilight for Guys

2010-07-07T21:10:00.003+01:00

One for the boys and a touch not safe for week if you happen upon this in the morn.

You can thank me later...

Daily Funnies: The 'Turds of Misery' Edition

2010-06-21T09:58:00.000+01:00

the 'pioneering' "Turds of Misery". Smile boys!

Morning all hope you are well and had a good weekend. If you have been watching True Blood, you obviously have very good taste. Now revel in the knowledge that Snoop Dogg shares that taste and apparantly really fancies Sookie. As well as smoking "True Bud" of course...

Next up, I bet you're first in line to try this...

I guess it had to happen. Go on then, lets hear it for Jew York...

Friday Funnies: The 'Kim fakes it' Edition

2010-06-18T08:30:00.004+01:00

Morning all. As I am sure you can see with your own two eyes I had a bit of a reshuffle and redesign around these parts. Its looking a lot tidier I reckon and I am loving my gallery up the top. Anyways I hope you like...

So I'm sure you've read all about North Koreas censorship of the world cup. Well now it turns out there are a heap of NK 'fans' who are in fact paid Chinese actors. I mean, WTF? Kim-Jong-Il thinks I'm at work indeed...

Next up, this is just plain embarrassing to be honest...

Is Scientology dangerous? Yes/No...

Finally for the day, OMG cat watches that goal from the England Vs the Colonies, I mean er USA game last week...

Have a top weekend I will catch you on Sunday!

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Holiday Funnies: The 'Obama Kicks Ass' Edition

2010-06-16T11:50:00.000+01:00

Looks like Obamas getting together a team of Kick Ass Experts to sort out the whole BP oil spill drama...

Lunchtime not so Funnies: Domain Scam

2010-06-07T18:16:00.001+01:00

Thats right peeps some Nigerian prince or some such tried to scam me this am. I received an email from Wenona at investet.com (the domain itself is a blank white page) but sent from her Hotmail address. See below...

So of course me being me, I sent the below back. I do hope she replies, I REALLY want those smarties...

In all seriousness peeps there are some nasty idiots out there, please be careful!!

The Sunday Joint: The 'Crazee Ish' Edition

2010-06-06T15:48:00.001+01:00

Afternoon all. Hope you are well.

First up, like you don't want to try this already. YEA-HA!!!

(original story here. A similar incident happened when I was in Melbourne circa 2005 check it out here.)

Cute...

Now this ish is just crazeee...

I'm sure she believed in the cause at the time...

This next one is a genuine cover for 'Vermont Catholic' magazine.. Really...

Finally there are a heap of neat world cup adverts out there at the mo but this easily my fave. Daft Punk, Ian Brown, Beckham, Snoop...

Friday Funnies: The 'Eating Da Poo' Edition

2010-06-04T08:00:00.007+01:00

Morning all.

Check this out for a photo bomb. She sure is chowing down on that corn dog...

OK this is kinda long and just repeats but it is funny. How not to co-present a sports game? Or maybe, can you hear the other announcers *almost* laughing? Anyway guys, hes a hockey announcer, guys?

Ok, so this next guy, like the headline says, has been busted in Wichita, Kansas, for shagging a dog. Really. But he looks strangely familiar...

OK so this next video is homophobic, horrific yada yada. I know before anyone says anything. My point is how can one man be soooooo freaking ignorant. Oh and I hope you've had your breakfast. He does talk poo...

Just OMG!

Thats it y'all. Right now (Thursday night) I is off to watch The Wire (again). Tomorrow night (so Friday night, or tonight as its commonly known) will be #FridayDrinks at the Adam and Eve in Lincoln Town. Be there people, just be there...

The Sunday Joint: The 'Money Shot' Edition

2010-05-30T16:57:00.004+01:00

Evening all. Having a good weekend?

First up, 2 massive bits of sadness. The mighty Dennis Hopper has died from prostate cancer. In tribute, this short montage from arguably his finest hour...

Also Gary Coleman has stepped off this mortal coil. May the force be with you Gary...

Next, don't tell me you wouldn't ask if you had a pet tiger...

Next up, watch closely geeks. This is how Lost should've ended...

Money shot??

Is it a video store? Is it the best brothel ever?? You decide..

What like soldiers of the Galactic Empire don't have down time??

Finally for the day, this is pretty awful so jump forward to about the 56 second mark and marvel at the antics of the worlds craziest drummer..

Have a top day tomorrow and I will see you during the week...

F-F-Friday Funnies: The 'Future Histories' edition

2010-05-28T08:00:00.007+01:00

Morning all. OK I'm only gonna say it the once but JJ Abrams owes me 6 years of my life back the twat!

Anyhoozle...

If you missed this during the week it is pretty damn funny. Ozzy Osbourne scares the shit out of people at Madame Tussauds in New York...

Next up, industrious sex...

Christ, how tough is that glass. And he cuts his finger in the end...

OK now this is scary AND cool. Meet our new robot overlords (seems like everytime a new robot is invented we say that, but hey what are you gonna do?)... (via @great_bambino)

Ever wondered what goes on over at Dyson labs during their downtime??? (via @rachaelblogs)

Finally for the day, science and boobs. One for the boys...

Thats it y'all. Have a top bank holiday weekend if you're in the U of K. If not, tough tittie, we get Monday off world!