Jonathan, Randi and Emerson

Jazz in the loft

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 23:35:00 +0000

Randi took this picture of me at Steve Fleckman's house for our weekly Jazz in the Loft jam session. Those were good times.

March 17, 2011: Sweet girl

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 02:13:00 +0000

Gathering on the "beach" in the Wissahickon

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 21:28:00 +0000

On Sunday, November 14, dozens of friends and family gathered on the "beach" in the Wissahickon to honor Baby Teapot.

Our friend Jessi Roemer led the service with her beautiful voice and spirit. We gathered to a nigun version of "Hine ma tov" (Hinei mah tov u’mah na’im, shevet achim gam yachad / Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity).

Jessi welcomed everyone and explained the ceremony. Then Randi read a letter she had written to Baby Teapot:

Dear Baby Teapot,

I wanted to know you. I wanted to meet you and to watch you grow into a little boy and someday a man. I wanted you. I planned for you and I tried desparately to make room for you. I am so sorry. There is a palpable emptiness without you in my arms or in my body. We wanted to love you and raise you. We are so sad to have missed the opportunity to have you as our son. I was so scared that I wouldn't have enough love in my heart for two, but I wanted you. I really wanted you. I wanted to nurse you, and to nuzzle you and I couldn't wait to introduce you to your big sister. She would have been a great big sister. And we would have made it our mission to be good parents. I wish I could have known you. I wish you were more than a memory or a dream for our future. You were wanted and you are missed.

Goodbye Teapot.
Love,
Mom

Then we asked each person to choose something natural like a twig or pebble and to think of the hopes, visions, or thoughts they may have about Baby Teapot and then throw the item into the water.

We sang the Sweet Honey in the Rocks tune, "Breaths" in three part harmony (Jessi and Randi sang the lyrics and Jonathan sang the bass line).

Jonathan then read a letter that Randi wrote to Emerson.

Dear Emerson,
We are so sorry that We made a promise We could not keep. We told you that you would be a big sister. We prepared you and prepared you and told you story after story of how being a big sister would change your life. You believed me and you were excited. You pretended to have a baby in your belly too. You were ready, maybe even more so than we were, to become a foursome. We are sorry you are not a big sister right now even though you were ready and excited and prepared. You are an amazing little person and we are grateful everyday for the light you bring to our lives. We saw this pregnancy through your eyes. We asked ourselves, "How will we tell her? How is this going to change her way of interracting with the world? What kind of big sister will she be? How do we let her know how important she is to us even when there is a new baby in the house?" We wanted to have to be able to answer these questions, Em. We love you so much and we know that you will be a big sister someday, but today is not the day. We are so sorry. We know you would have risen to the occasion. We love you, Sweet Girl.
Love,
Mom and dad

Everyone was invited to sing our version of "You Are My Sunshine" to Emerson:

You are my sunshine
My special sunshine
you make me happy, when skies are grey
I hope you know dear,
how much I love you
You are the brightest part of my day.

Jessi introduced the Mourner's Kaddish:
Although the mourner’s kaddish is a prayer traditionally said when someone has died, the prayer itself doesn’t mention death or loss. Instead, it is a poem praising God for the precious gift of life. If it asks God for anything, it asks that this gift of life be continued in all of us and in all who will come after us.

We said the Mourner's Kaddish along with those who were in mourning or recognizing a yarzhiet.

We ended the ceremony with everyone singing Debbie Friedman's version of Misheberach:

In preparation for Sunday's service

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Sat, 13 Nov 2010 17:30:00 +0000

The service will be relatively short (15 - 20 minutes). We will gather at the water starting at 2:45 and start at 3pm. After the service we will meet at the Germantown Jewish Center in the Maslow room. We'll have light refreshments.

Parking: There is limited parking at Kitchen's lane. If you live in the area, please consider walking so that people driving from out of town can park. The weather at 3pm will be beautiful:

We will end our ceremony with the song "Misheberach" (Debbie Friedman version). We invite you to sing along:

Mi shebeirach avoteinu
M'kor habracha l'imoteinu
May the source of strength who blessed the ones before us,
Help us find the courage to make our lives a blessing
And let us say: Amen.
Mi shebeirach imoteinu
M'kor habracha l'avoteinu
Bless those in need of healing with refuah sh'leimah
The renewal of body, the renewal of spirit
And let us say: Amen.

Again, thank you for all of your love and support.
With love, honor, and respect,

jonathan, randi, and emerson

Saying goodbye to Baby Teapot

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 02:57:00 +0000

We have been overwhelmed (in a good way) by the outpouring of love and support. We’ve always said that we’re grateful for our friends and family, but it is times like these that we are reminded exactly why we are grateful. Thank you for sending your emails, snail mails, blog posts, wall posts, flowers, food, voicemails, texts, and everything else in any other medium. It is healing to receive unconditional love. Thank you.

This experience is too big, too empty, too incomprehensible, and too real to make sense of in this blog. There are pieces, though, that make sense in a blog post. One of them is our experience of Emerson, and Emerson’s experience of us and the death of Baby Teapot.

Emerson has been an amazing little being. The morning we returned from the hospital, we sat down and told her that Baby Teapot died, that he wouldn’t grow up, and that he wasn’t coming home. We told her that he was like a seed that will never grow into a flower. With great solemnity she asked us a dozen questions over a half-an-hour, questions like, “Why did Baby Teapot die?” “Why can’t I see him?” “Where did he go?” We answered her to the best of our ability, resorting often to, “we don’t know why this happened.” When Randi went to take a nap, Emerson followed her upstairs and got into bed with her. She stroked Randi’s hair and said, “It’s ok mommy - we’ll try again.” We have no idea where she got that line from. We didn’t tell her. She just knew. The next night we woke up to her sobbing - “Why did Baby Teapot die? You promised I was going to be a big sister!” We’ve felt so much grief around not seeing the relationship that would have developed between Emerson and Teapot. She has continued to ask us, at random times, why he died. Her questions seem to be targeted to us. According to her teachers, she hasn’t brought it up in school. Answering her questions, listening to her go through her process, has been painful and hopeful. For the most part, she’s an infectious bundle of joy and lightness. Her smile has been the best medicine we could ask for.

Of the innumerable sources of sadness for us, the most basic is that we never got to know this little boy. We know that Emerson was excited to meet him. We know that many of you were too. With that in mind, we invite you to join us in saying goodbye to Baby Teapot on Sunday, 11/14/10 at 3pm in the Wissahickon. We’ll be meeting down the Kitchen's lane entrance, by the river under the bridge where we often see dogs playing. If that description is not clear enough, here is a link to the Google Map (also found below). We will sing some songs, say some words, the mourner’s Kaddish, and have apple cider and water. After we will meet at the Germantown Jewish Center. We hope you can join us.

With love, honor, and respect,
Jonathan, Randi, and Emerson

View Baby Teapot Memorial in a larger map

Baby Teapot: (d) November 5, 2010 - (b) November 6, 2010

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Sun, 07 Nov 2010 00:20:00 +0000

We are so saddened to tell you that Baby Teapot didn’t make it. On November 5, 2010 - at 36 weeks and 5 days - we were unable to detect a heartbeat by Doppler or ultrasound. On November 6, 2010 at 5:35am, Randi birthed a 5 pound, 4 ounce lifeless baby boy. We don’t know why he died. Throughout the pregnancy Emerson called the baby, “Baby Teapot.” When asked what we would like to name this little boy, we decided that Baby Teapot was the most fitting name. The care we received at Pennsylvania Hospital by Randi’s midwife and physician colleagues, and midwives Pam, Vicky, Meredith, and Ronnie, was second to none. Randi is physically well, and we are emotionally spent. When we came home from the hospital, we told Emerson that Baby Teapot died. She spent the next half hour asking us why, when, where and how. She has also been amazing in her care and compassion.

We consider ourselves lucky to have you as our friends and community. We want to read your words of support - we believe they will help us find clarity in the confusion, so please send us your thoughts via snail mail (6812 McCallum St., Philadelphia, PA 19119), email (cooljazz@flash.net), or post comments on this blog and we’ll read them when we were able.

We haven’t decided on how we are going to honor Baby Teapot. We will post something here in the next day or two to let you know.
With love, honor and respect,

Randi, Jonathan, and Emerson

Falling down that hill

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 22:35:00 +0000

Emerson Making up a Song

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 21:39:00 +0000

Running down that hill

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 21:39:00 +0000

Happy Mother's Day 2010

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Tue, 04 May 2010 16:11:00 +0000

Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.

Merry-go-Round at Philadelphia Zoo

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 05:01:00 +0000

Tummy slide

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 05:00:00 +0000

Driving with Nate

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 05:00:00 +0000

Emerson and Nate at the Philadelphia Zoo

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 04:59:00 +0000

Emerson Dancing in the Pool

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 04:59:00 +0000

Emerson plays in the snow

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 04:58:00 +0000

Emerson explores Randi's bag

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 04:58:00 +0000

Playing with Papa's watch

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 04:58:00 +0000

Shabbat - November 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 04:56:00 +0000

Emerson said...

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 03:06:00 +0000

Emerson loves to talk. We love to hear her talk because she has the most adorable voice AND because we get some insight into her thought process. Here are some things she's said in the last couple of weeks:

Emerson: "Daddy, are you working?"
Jonathan: "Yes sweet girl."
Emerson: "So, I not see you soon..."

Jonathan: "Hey sweet girl, can you put on you shoes?"
Emerson: "These are boots, daddy, not shoes. Daddy is so silly! You called these shoes!"

Emerson was sitting in the backseat of the car asking Randi about her wedding ring. She asked when she could wear a ring. Randi said, "When you grow up and find someone like Mommy found Daddy, you will be able to wear a ring." Emerson said, "So, when I get out of the car, I will be a grown up?"

Emerson - December 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 04:02:00 +0000

December was like one non-stop party for Emerson. Because Hanukkah directly preceeded her birthday (12/19) she learned to associate the word "candle" with the word "present." No joke, when we would say, "light the candle," she would look at us and say, "It's present time!!!" On the day of her 2nd birthday, Emerson entered the "terrible 2s." Our sweet little girl now throws temper tantrums, wears her heart on her sleeve, wants to do everything herself, and is beyond frustrated when we try to do anything for her. Do we love it? Almost every minute. Emerson tells us exactly what she wants in grammatically correct sentences, including "it is almost nap time." Enjoy the "small" set of pix from this month. See you next decade.

Emerson - November 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 04:59:00 +0000

Emerson is 23 months old. This is the last time we can refer to her age in terms of months. It was a busy month filled with visitors and visiting. Emerson visited Florida where she hung with Randi's mother, step-father and grandparents (Grandma, Patat, Bubbe and Poppoo). Randi's dad (Zayde) came to Philly and babysat. We were in New York for Thanksgiving and she met her new cousin, Lila Elizabeth Baker ("Emmy no touch baby Lila"). She is starting to verbalize comparisons such as "this opens, but this doesn't" and "Pia holding Benjamin like Daddy holding Emerson." She loves to draw and she loves to sing and she loves to hear stories about "Curly Badurly" (one of our names for Emerson). She continues to be our delight. The next time you get this email, Emerson will be 2 years old - can you believe it?

Emerson - October 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 03:55:00 +0000

We're calling this month's set of pictures, "Band Aid," because Emerson got a mosquito bite on her cheek at the beginning of the month. She wouldn't stop picking, so we resorted to band aids. As a result, in most of the pictures she's either wearing a band aid or has recently removed it (if you have any suggestions on how to keep a band aid on a toddler, please let us know). In other news, Emerson has become a bit of a jukebox - she sings all the time. She started making jokes. At the end of the month she became fascinated with skipping. She had her first cookie at school. She LOVED all of the scarecrows and pumpkins from Halloween. She practiced "trick or treat, give me something good to eat." She's big into hiding - squeezing into little spaces and saying, "Mommy, play 'where's Emerson?'please - right now!" She's doing a lot of limit testing. Continues to love shabbat. She grabs her backpack and says, "Emerson going to work now daddy." Enjoy!

Photos from September 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 17:56:00 +0000

Emerson's big adventure was her first ex-utero trip to Austin. We couldn't see everyone, but we'll be back! The other big exciting thing was spending Yom Kippur with Grandma, Patat, Josh and Jen. We found pumpkins, went for a nature walk in North Philly, and ate very well. This month Emerson mastered long sentences (e.g. "I don't want this - Mommy, you eat it"), learned many of her colors (brown, grey, black, silver, etc), counted to ten....although she often skiped the number 4, said her abc's... Emerson started voicing her preferences. "Would you like some lasagna for dinner?" "Ummmmmm, no. Yogurt." When the choice is not there, we no longer ask questions. Her favorite activity by far has been Shabbat. She loves singing the prayers, lighting the candles and eating the challah. See you next month!

Photos from August 2009

noreply@blogger.com (Jonathan B. Singer, Ph.D., LCSW) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 17:58:00 +0000

August was another great month with Sweet Emerson Raine. She proved herself to be quite the water baby this month. She's talking up a storm, "Emerson read to self," "Daddy do dat please," "yellow car, blue car." Hanging out with daddy's college friends (Jesse, Kate, and Melissa) and mommy's family is always fun. Lots of drriving this month, but well worth the trip. Thank you family and friends for spending time with me.