He awoke in the middle of the night to a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you,” demanded James, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?” The mysterious man answered “This is not your bedroom, and my name is St. Peter”.

James didn’t take the news so well… “You mean I’m dead! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t even said goodbye to my family… you’ve got to send me back right away!”

St. Peter replied “You cannot go back as you were, you have passed away James. However, you can be reincarnated - but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” James was devastated, but knowing that there was a farm just down the road from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking at corn on the ground. “This ain’t so bad,” he thought until he felt a strange feeling churning inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, huh? How are you enjoying your first day here?” “It’s not so bad” replies James, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”. “You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “haven’t you ever laid an egg before?”

“Never” replies James.

“Well just relax and let it happen.”

And so he did, and just a few uncomfortable seconds later an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him - emotions got the better of him as he experienced the joy motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him… ever!

The joy of motherhood continued to build and, just as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shout “James, wake up you drunken bas*ard, you’re sh*tting the bed!”

Smoking kills…no secret there.  Look how advertisers are trying to get people to quit from all over the world.

I don’t think people take enough time to truly respect the wonderful appearance of the female ass.  Sure most men will watch an ass walk by them on the street or take a glance in a bar, but have you truly stopped and appreciated the perfection of a great rear?  I give you 20 lovely examples for you to admire and appreciate.

Joanna Krupa is a well known hottie around the world, but she showed some sisterly love when she posted with Marta in the latest issue of Ralph.  Marta Krupa gives her big sis a run for her money in a sexy bikini spread that kicks off all kinds of male fantasies.

Esquire is known for putting some of the sexiest women in the word on its cover and when they do it is always a must see issue!  Here are 20of the sexiest cover so far….you know there will be more as the months and years pass.

Sofia Georgiou represented Greece in the Miss World 1999 pageant and a decade later she is still looking sensational. The stunning Greek is featured in the January 2009 issue of Greek Esquire and I for one would like to know why she hasn’t been featured in more US magazines???

Day one of American Idol brought us Bikini Girl, real name Katrina Darrell, and day two brought us an even hotter version.  Casey Carlson will be moving onto Hollywood so there will be a meeting of the whorish Bikini Girl original and the new and improved classier version.  God I love this show! Turn the pge for a hot gallery!!!!

You think getting all dressed up in your best over sized pink striped shirt with the button down collar, a white t-shirt that shows just the right amount, your best Gap jeans, the sideburns perfectly trimmed, and a number 2 on the sides to make the hair pop will find you some fine piece of tail.  However, that is never the case and do you now what happens?  You drink and drink and drink some more to work up the courage to talk to some slutty looking blonde chick and her friend only to be mocked for your striped pink shirt.  So you drink some more and you think you see that same slutty blonde giving you the do me eyes. So you do some shots and make the bold return trip!  That’s right she is all over you now that the night is moving on and she has finally learned to appreciate your style.  Oh yeah she even put her hand down your pants to play with the ball fro!  This is the greatest night ever and people will be in awe of my skills for generations to come!  The next day you tell this story to your friends and they ask for every detail you can muster.  After feeling like the big man on campus they show you the picture of the girl you actually hooked up with.  That hot blonde is still mocking you and this time it is caught on camera with some whale’s hand cupping your junk.  Adding insult to injury she even seems to be laughing about what she is holding.  Check out more wild pictures from other drunken adventures!

Some wonder Motivational material to start your weekend (DeadDog)

Britain’s Twenty Five Hottest Women (Gunaxin)

Girls of the North American Auto Show (The Bachelor Guy)

“Oh sh*t dawg, that’s Michael Irvin”  (YepYep)

Stacy Keibler: It’s Yummy Time! (MoonDog Sports)

Maria Sharapova Pics From California Style Magazine (Sharapova’s Thigh)

These people just get more pathetic. It’s Dear Illuminati (9 to Fried)

Katrina Darrell is the reason why American Idol must remain on the air forever.  She appeared on tonight’s season premiere as Bikini Girl and was looking fantastic so I had to figure out who the hell she was.  that took all of ten seconds and finding her pictures took even less time.  This is one fine piece and she has a nice voice — good enough to move onto Hollywood so we can assume we will see some scandalous pics from an ex-boyfriend showing up at some point.  Antonella Barba still holds the record for biggest American Idol scandal with her naughty pictures, but I think Katrina might try to make a push!!!!