the BEYOND CHOCOLATE fairies

Hands up anyone who overeats

2012-01-27T08:36:00.004Z

So many women overeat. So many. And so many women overeat and feel ashamed and guilty. We waste so much energy beating ourselves up, hiding the truth from our families and friends, trying to hide the truth from ourselves. The most destructive aspect of our overeating is the emotional and psychological pain and stress that goes with it. Being overweight is not (despite what the powers that be would have us believe) synonymous with poor health but stress is. Being healthy is not just a natural consequence of being slim. All we seem to hear these days is “Lose weight and you’ll be healthier” Really? (At this point I actually want to bang my head against the wall in frustration! - How can they be so stupid/blind/crazy/ignorant/irresponsible - take your pick). The more extensively I read about diet and health, the more I see it, the same message over and over again - stress is the killer, not fat. And we can be stressed at any size. I’m not saying that there is never any association between being overweight and being unhealthy. Sometimes weight does have an impact on our health but not always and not universally. In fact in many studies show that being consistently overweight has been proved to be a positive where health is concerned and that it's certainly healthier that yo-yoing up and down, which is the best that the diets have to offer.

Oh dear… I’ve gone off at a tangent. My apologies. The thing is the more we hide our overeating and feel ashamed about it, the more we beat ourselves up and hate ourselves for it, the more unhappy and stressed we feel. And that is definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, bad for our health. So, today, take a risk, stop beating yourself up about your overeating. Next time you overeat, instead of being angry and calling yourself all the names under the sun (if that’s what you do! It’s certainly what I used to do). Find a touch of compassion for yourself. If you are reading this blog then you have already taken one step towards changing things. Towards feeling good about the way you eat and the way you look. Instead of telling yourself how crap you are take yourself gently by the hand and remind yourself that you are working on it…

And then when you are ready, think about talking to ONE person you know about what it’s really like. There are sooooooo many women who overeat, just like you do, you could help yourself and one other person feel better by talking about it. It’s so good to know that we are not alone. And breaking the silence stops the shame. And that feels really, really good. And when we feel good, we are less stressed. And that has to be a good thing.

5 reasons to get off the fence and go Beyond Chocolate

2012-01-26T17:24:00.003Z

Last night I attended a very interesting presentation evening hosted by the Landmark Forum. Sophie wrote an interesting post about this a while back which you can read if you want to find out more about it as I won't be going into the why and wherefores of the Landmark Forum here.

Anyway, I ended up deciding to register for the course. I've been considering it for some time now but there's always a perfectly reasonable excuse not to and so I put it off, sit on the fence and promise myself that one day...

So, back to Beyond Chocolate. As I walked home last night I thought about all the women out there who, like me, might be sitting on the fence. Women who know that dieting doesn't work, who want to stop overeating more than anything else and yet somehow stay perched on the fence and resist taking the next step.

Are you sitting on the fence? Whether you've been thinking about it for a while or have just discovered us, here's five good reasons why you should jump off and go Beyond Chocolate.

5 Reasons to get off the fence...and go Beyond Chocolate

1. We deliver (where the diets and willpower don't)
It's that simple. What excites us about the work we do with Beyond Chocolate is that it is honest. We aren’t promising magic fixes and immediate transformation. What we deliver, over and over again, and what you will find at the heart of our approach is the possibility of true nourishment, the opportunity to take charge and make decisions about what and how much to eat and when to stop. We give women the tools to discover how they want their relationship with food to be and we show them how to get it. There is an element of magic in that, because when we are willing to take a risk, to go beyond the superficial, beyond the diets and the weight loss, we don’t only find the key to transforming our relationship with food, we transform our lives. What lies Beyond Chocolate is self-confidence, peace of mind and freedom.

2. There's no reason not to
Look hard enough and you will always find a reason why now is not the right time: I can't afford it, I don't have the time, I can't make the dates, I'm not sure if it's really for me, I know this stuff already so will it really make a difference? You can put it off and put it off and stay stuck or make a decision to just do it. You can even dip a toe in and test the waters before you take the plunge. Our membership comes with 1 month FREE trial. Meet other Beyond Chocolaters on the Forum and see what they are saying about it, download an inspiring podcast and listen to Sophie and Audrey's top tips and use the worksheet to start making changes.

3. A different outcome
How many times have you embarked on a new diet or vowed to yourself to stop overeating and have a healthy diet? How many years, how much time and energy have you wasted doing the same thing over and over again? And how many times have you ended up back at square one? You know what they say: if you do what you've always done, you'll get the same results you've always got. If you know that dieting and the 'just get a grip' approaches don't work for you, try something different and give yourself an opportunity to get a different outcome. Put into practice any of the Beyond Chocolate principles and we can guarantee you this: you will be a happier, healthier more balanced person.

4. The proof is in the pudding
Don't take our word for it! We have lots of happy customers who have gone Beyond Chocolate. Be inspired by the success stories on our web site and read more on this blog: How we measure success, How Elly went from hating her body to modelling, Amy's thank you letter, Liz's experience of a workshop and Kerri one month on.

5. A small step...a giant leap
We are big on taking action at Beyond Chocolate. You can think, ponder, debate and weigh up the pros and cons and that alone is unlikely to change your relationship with food and stop you overeating. Very, very unlikely. In fact we may as well be bold and just say it won’t. All change requires action. If you want a different experience it’s up to you to do something different, to take action. You don’t have to try hard, you don’t have to push yourself or force yourself. What you do have to do is take ACTION. One step, and then another and then another.

So, whether you decide to become a member, come on one of our workshops or the retreat, start an ecourse or download a masterclass - get off the fence and do it today!

In denial or in control?

2012-01-18T22:00:00.000Z

The First Walk & Talk

2012-01-18T20:20:00.003Z

We did the first WALK & TALK on Hampstead Heath today. After three consecutive bright, crisp, sunny days, I woke up this morning to grey, dank, drizzle, not the most inviting weather to inaugurate my new project. Still, I’m no fair weather walker, so I dug out my waterproofs and headed off for Kenwood House at 8.30am with excitement and anticipation.

We were a small, but perfectly formed group today. As we walked, we talked about health. That was the topic for today. What does ‘being healthy’ mean to us? How do we know if we’re healthy? What do we do to be healthy? How do we move? Eat? It was a fascinating conversation. We walked at an invigorating pace - not competitively fast, just brisk and steady. I loved every minute. I love the smell of the earth, the majesty of the trees, that spaciousness which, living in London, isn’t part of my every day life. I enjoyed the company and by the time we’d come full circle and were back at our starting point I felt energised, strong and happy.

I can’t wait to do it again next week and the week after, and the week after that… Walking & Talking ticks every box for me. I get to move in a way I love, in good company, in a beautiful setting. If you live anywhere near Hampstead Heath come and join us next week at 8.45am. See you there!

Watching someone else diet ...

2012-01-13T08:03:00.001Z

The Ditching Dieting Protest - It's personal.

2012-01-12T20:44:00.000Z

On Monday 16th January the Chocolate Fairies will be joining what we hope is a massive group of protestors outside parliament to let the dieting industry know just what we think of them.

Weight Watchers will be giving evidence to the Parliamentary Body Image enquiry and we think it is crucial to counter their claims with the truth about what really happens to people when they diet.

This protest is not just a 'cause' for me, something to get hot under the collar about because it is in line with my principles and my beliefs. It isn't a PR exercise either, a chance to tag the Beyond Chocolate name onto an event which will get noticed.

No, this one is personal.

This one is for all those years of despair and self hatred as I failed one diet plan after the other and believed I was to blame for being weak and greedy.

This one is for the endlessly hungry days I endured in a futile effort to shed some weight and the endless binges that I went on as a result of all that deprivation.

This one is for the colossal amount of money that I have squandered on diets and maintenance plans that never delivered.

This one is for all those evenings I stayed in because I hadn't reached my 'target weight' and felt too fat to go out.

This one is for the humiliation of being weighed in front of a roomful of people.

This one is for all the sweat and misery I put up with at the gym.

This one is for all those awful, tasteless, low calorie meals I wasted my money and my health on.

This one is for all those shorts and skirts and bikinis I bought a size too small with hope in my heart and which I never wore.

This one is for all the guilt and shame I felt every time I ate.

This one is for every ruined party because I wasn't the thinnest woman in the room.

This one is for every dusty, gloomy church hall I've had to sit in and listen to some poor woman, as desperate as me, peddling lies about weight loss.

This one is for all those empty and meaningless conversations I've ever had about calories and points with intelligent women who would have taught me something useful.

This one is for every time I stuck two fingers down my throat and threw up in an effort to purge and 'undo' my lunch.

This one is for those same 2 stone that I lost and put back repeatedly over the years.

This one is for my mother and my sister, my aunts, my cousins, my friends...and all the women out there who have been manipulated, bullied and shamed into dieting...and overeating...and dieting in an endless vicious circle which it is time to put a STOP to once and for all.

We'd love you to join us. Visit the DitchingDieting Facebook page to find out more about the protest and if you can't make it in person then use your mouse to speak out by liking, sharing and speaking out on your Facebook pages, blogs, web sites and emails.

Weight Watchers and their friends are powerful and rich but we can make a difference if we speak up and tell it like it is. We can make a difference by refusing to collude with the diet myth and by not letting them get away with it.

This is how change happens. One step at a time. One protest at a time.

Part 2 - New Year Resolutions Post Beyond Chocolate

2012-01-04T12:50:00.001Z

It’s ‘Join the Gym’ season

2012-01-01T15:00:00.002Z

For many years, come January, I’d automatically think about joining the gym, again. Alongside the sinking feeling of going back to Weight Watchers came the inevitability of another year's club membership. And many times I followed through and signed up. Inseparable from my determination to lose weight was my promise to myself that this year I would get fit. So, that by the summer I’d be slim, toned, ready for bikinis and the beach.

I can’t tell you how much money I spent over the years on gym memberships. Every time I think about it I cringe at the memory of the time I signed up for a lifetime membership of a gym for £2500! I have also been a member of the local gym here 3 times, I’ve joined LA Fitness and Esporta, I paid a personal trainer, I've bought the kit, made the commitment, promised solemnly to myself that this year would be different, year after year. And then, within a couple of months, I'd give up. I have been through that process so many times I have lost count. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with joining a gym, if you enjoy the things you can do there; the classes, the pool, the fitness machines, why not? The thing is I’ve always hated every single one of those activities. I loathe them. I had to drag, cajole, kid, bully or bribe myself there every single time. Most of the time all I could think of while I was in the gym was how much longer I had to go before I’d be sitting in the the sauna and then standing under the powerful hot shower (the two thing about gyms I loved).

It seems crazy to me that for so many years I fell into the same trap every single January. When I think about it though I realise that I didn’t know there was any other option. I was so caught up in the weight loss game that I did what I knew, diet/gym, over and over again. And I failed, over and over again.

The Move principle is the one that I have struggled with more than any of the others since we created Beyond Chocolate. I took me years, literally about 8 years, to work out how to move in a way that I love, that is sustainable, that is good for my body and, most importantly, that I will actually do willingly. Once I stopped associating exercise with weight loss, once I unhooked from the dieting mentality that had me looking at how many calories this or that exercise would burn, then I was free to explore moving for the sake of enjoyment and overall good health. After much experimenting I got there. And it took lots of experimenting because the shoulds (I should exercise at least 3 times a week, I should sweat or it's not worth it, it should be hard and effortful, I should do something proper... I could go on) were very deeply ingrained. So it wasn't until I really began to question all the beliefs and rules I had about exercise, even the most deeply entrenched ones that I didn't even recognise as rules, that I was free to find something that works for me. When I started with a blank slate, an 'everything is possible' mentality, when I became my own Guru, here’s what I discovered:

I hate joining classes, organisations, gyms or anything formal or regular
I love walking, in the city, in parks and along the beach
I love stretching, on my own in my living room (sort of DIY yoga)
I love dancing, on my own, in my living room

That’s it. Those are the only ways I really enjoy moving. In the summer I quite like a swim in the sea, but nothing too strenuous. I’d rather paddle about on the spot chatting with friends than stick goggles on and actually swim. I quite like the occasional Five Rhythms class, but I’m not very sociable in new groups of people and honestly, I prefer to dance on my own. I’m up for the odd game of badminton or tennis with Ben and the kids. I’m not that great at either, but I’ll have a go for fun.

So those are the things I do. I don’t have a routine or a schedule. I do them when I feel like it, usually that means that I’ll do something two or three times a week. I’d like to do more, I’d like to feel a bit fitter a bit stronger. The menopause has affected my back and my knees and I want to make sure that I stay supple, flexible and strong as I get older.

Maybe that’s one of the reasons I’ve started Walking & Talking, both groups and one to one sessions. I wrote about this on the blog a while ago and I’m finally ready. On January 18th 2012 I’ll be running the first Walk & Talk group, we’ll be starting off at Kenwood House at 8.45am and, come rain or shine, snow or sleet, alone or in company, I’ll be Walking and Talking for an hour. (If I'm on my own I'll have to do without the talking, though I'm hoping Audrey will be with me, and I know one or two of you have already expressed and interest). And by offering individual Walk & Talk therapy, I’ll be bringing movement into my working life too. Being a psychotherapist is a very sedentary job. I love it. I am a sitter by nature I reckon (between the option of a walk in the park and a good book by the fire, there's really very little contest.) And, now that I have trained with Natural England as a walk leader, I’m looking forward to taking clients out onto the Heath and talking as we walk. It’s amazing how different sessions can be when we are out in the open, in the fresh air, moving while we talk, think and explore.

If you live anywhere near The Heath, come and join me on the 18th January, I’d love to see you there.

Happy New Year

2011-12-28T11:38:00.004Z

Looking back over the years I cannot remember a time when I actually stuck to any of the new year’s resolutions I set myself. Predictably, I would vow to lose weight and go to the gym (or join a class, start jogging, get a personal trainer...) to get fit. Those two were invariably at the top of my list. Number three would often be something to do with my work/life balance, promising myself that I would rest more, take better care of myself, meditate or have more candle lit baths, spend more one on one time with Jasper and Evie. The implication underlying all my new year’s resolutions was that I was not OK as I was. I had to improve myself. I had to lose weight, get fitter and work out how to be the best possible working mum I could be. Those things achieved, I imagine I thought my life wold be so much better. So much more… what?

I’ve had it with new year’s resolutions. I’ve had it for a while now, I confess. I don’t think I set any last year and I won’t be setting any this year either. I’ve had enough of focusing on what I want to change in my life, on promising to do things differently. I’m fed up with ending up on January 1st right back where I was the previous year, only a little bit worse, faced with my lack of willpower and failure to achieve even one of my objectives. I’ve decided let myself be. I don’t want to do anything to prove to myself or anyone else that I’m OK, that I’m not complacent about myself and my achievements, that I know how imperfect I am. I am fully conscious of all those things and, nevertheless, I am choosing not to put myself under any more pressure. In 2012 I will be how I will be. The good, the bad and the ugly. No new year’s resolutions.

Wishes, hopes and dreams… of those I have a few:

I wish for good health (my own and my family’s).

I have a wish that my children will continue to flourish and thrive and that I keep working at my (now 25 year) relationship with Ben so that it can get better and better, even when it’s tough.

I have a wish that our new book; Beyond Temptation (which comes out on September 6th 2012) will be successful - by which I mean I hope that I can read it with pride and satisfaction - and that anyone who reads it will enjoy it and get something out of it.

I have a dream of Chocolate Fairies all over the UK and across the world (why not!) offering women an alternative to the relentlessness of dieting and body hatred.

I have a wish that Audrey, Clare and I continue to have as much fun and laughter and passion in our running of Beyond Chocolate as we have had to date.

"What's the difference between a hope, wish or dream and a resolution?" you may be thinking. The difference is, I won’t work at them or hold myself to any of the above. I won't try to make them happen or beat myself up if they don't. And not one of them mentions weight loss, healthy eating or exercise. This time next year I won't be looking back to see how I've measured up and that feels so much kinder and more generous than committing, promising, vowing to make changes and be a better person, year after year.

So, I have made one new year’s resolution after all: no more new year’s resolutions. Come to think of it, I made that one last year. And, wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles, I kept it! I think it’s the only new year’s resolution I have ever kept for an entire year.

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year

Sophie

New Year's Resolutions (Before Beyond Chocolate!)

2011-12-28T11:00:00.000Z

A festive Strategy for dealing with the food 'thing'

2011-12-23T10:00:00.000Z

My father would have celebrated his 74th birthday on Christmas day. This is the first Christmas - and birthday - that we celebrate without him. Double whammy. Christmas this year is going to be tricky and I am busy putting some support strategies into place so that I don't fall into a big black hole full of christmas pudding and chocolate.

If food is your thing then it will always be your thing. Over the years, I have learned how to manage my relationship with food and, mostly, I don't have much of a food thing at all. But when the going gets tough I get the urge to revert straight back to my default setting. For years, I ate compulsively to shut out anxiety and sooth sadness. Eating and the self loathing that came with it provided the perfect distraction from the difficult stuff going on in my life.

Thankfully, nowadays I have a better way of dealing with stuff than by using food. Rather than pushing them away, or stuffing them down, uncomfortable feelings need to be let in, acknowledged. The more I know about my anxiety and my sadness, the better equipped I am to find other ways of looking after myself. So, I invited the angst and the pain to tea and got to know them over a slice of cake. I asked them to tell me more about themselves, about what they needed to feel safe and if they had any suggestions on how they thought I could make that happen.

They talked about how scary the whole birthday/christmas without dad thing felt, about how much they missed him. And how freaky it felt to want to cry all the time. They asked me to stop running away from them. They wanted to be wrapped up in lovely, soft, warm blankets and held. We talked, I listened. Together, we came up with a Festive strategy. And it looks something like this:

As soon as I become aware that I am running away from myself, distancing myself from my feelings and from the people around me I will sound a special festive alarm bell and remind myself that this means something needs my attention. I will take a deep breath and tune in. I know that this alone is enough to break the trance, the automatic hand to mouth action. I will name anxiety or sadness or frustration or whatever it is that is making me want to run away and I will conjure up the softest, fluffiest cashmere blanket I can imagine and carefully and lovingly tuck my feelings up in it. As they nestle in and doze off peacefully, I will bring myself back to reality and move on: without needing to have another bite (or another sip or another drag).

I think this is a pretty good strategy hand I know from previous experience that it works pretty well. I am sure that sometimes I'll decide to carry on regardless. This is OK, I like to eat lots at this time of year, as long as I'm doing it consciously and I don't beat myself up about it. I also, crucially, have back up: a couple of mates I know I can call on if I need some hand holding and of course my sister. Also, very importantly, I am making sure that I eat delicious, fabulous food so that I don't have to deal with feelings of dissatisfaction as well. I have an evening planned with J for some time-out a deux and I've got Bing Crosby playing in loop while I decorate the whole flat with tinsel. I think I've got everything covered.

Do you have a festive strategy to deal with the food 'thing'? Have you ever invited your 'stuff' to tea and had a chat? What did you find out?

Have a wonderful festive season everyone!

Fairy Wish Number 2 - Design Wizard

2011-12-19T16:51:00.009Z

Hooray! Our last week’s Fairy Wish has been granted and we now have a wonderful Web Wizard on board. Thanks to all of you who sent suggestions and recommendations.

Now we have a second wish… we are looking for a designer to create icons and images for us for our new website.

So here’s our wish list for our ideal designer (in no particular order):

She’s a Beyond Chocolater who loves what we do.
Her idea of design chimes with ours.
She is flexible.
She would be happy to work with us to create all the icons for our new website.
She is available for an ongoing relationship - creating new icons as and when we need them, sometimes at short notice.
Her fees are reasonable.
She’d be happy to do some bartering (designs for workshops or sessions) and some work for payment.
Ideally (but not essential) she lives in London and could have an initial face to face meeting.
She is efficient.
She has a good sense of humour.
She responds promptly to emails and phone calls.
She feels excited at the idea of doing this work.
She’s available to start in January.

If you know this woman, or if you are this woman, get in touch. We know she’s out there somewhere… and we can’t wait to meet her.

How to Survive the Christmas Party Season

2011-12-19T10:00:00.001Z

Gretel Hallet, is a Trained Chocolate Fairy and is running the Getting Started half day workshop in Norwich - perfect for beginners to experience the core principles of Beyond Chocolate and equally great as a refresher for any Beyond Chocolater. If you live in East Anglia and want to know more about Beyond Chocolate or her workshops, get in touch with Gretel.

The internet is full of helpful last minute advice to beleaguered party-goers on how to survive the Festive Season with all those parties that all involve all that food and drink ... I’ve added my Beyond Chocolate inspired thoughts on this well-meaning but misguided advice. As for the parties and food and drink – bring them on!

So when they suggest...

1. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Give something you would like to receive, possibly a fruit basket or some low fat muffins. The favour just may be returned.

Chocolate Fairy Gretel says: Tell you what, if someone gave me low fat muffins they’d end up wearing them ... yes, it might be lovely to give someone a basket of fruit or cake, but not if it’s with the intention of ‘saving’ them from eating ‘bad things’ or in the hope that they will reciprocate with ‘good’ things ... bah!

2. Take a vegetable or fruit plate to a party. Be the designated driver. Save your friends and your waistline at the same time.

Chocolate Fairy Gretel says: Ok, veg or fruit plate sounds nice, but unless you only eat your own food at parties, this isn’t going to stop over-indulgence. Avoidance tactics don’t stop over-indulgence; it just pops up somewhere else – like when you get home and no-one’s watching. How much better it is to see what’s available and make a choice based on what you like and what you feel like eating
3. Don't let family or friends pressure you into overindulging. When they say 'You have nothing to worry about — you're fine as you are' reply: 'The reason I'm fine is because I've worked hard to lose the weight, and I'm not going to blow it now'.

Chocolate Fairy Gretel says: Why not just say, ‘Thank you’, Tune In and make your own decision about whether or eat or not?

4. Be assertive. Refuse food and drinks if you don't want them.

Chocolate Fairy Gretel says: This is more BC – if you’re not hungry or thirsty and don’t want to eat –refuse politely. Saying a polite 'no thanks' with a smile, repeated, broken record style, usually works. They will give up eventually!

5. At a buffet, limit the number of choices on your plate. Enjoy a few smart selections instead of giving in to overzealous sampling.

Chocolate Fairy Gretel says: You know what? I like sampling. That way I get to taste foods I may not have had before. It doesn’t mean I then scarf down the whole lot, but experimenting with tastes, textures and new foods is one of life’s pleasures.

6. Keep your hands full of anything but food. Take along photos, a branch of mistletoe, a camera or anything else that will keep your hands occupied.

Chocolate Fairy Gretel says: Oh, this isn’t going to look odd at all, is it?! Again, avoidance tactics are doomed to failure. It’s far better to make an active choice rather than spend the whole party pretending that food doesn’t exist and then eat the contents of your kitchen when you get home!

7. Plan a guilt-free event — organise a dance party and serve a hearty buffet of veggies and low-fat dips.

Chocolate Fairy Gretel says: What a shame it is that pleasure is so wrapped up with guilt in our culture. Why can’t we throw any sort of party we like and enjoy it?
8. Deliver cards in person to your neighbours and/or friends. Do it on foot and get a little exercise while you boost your community spirit.

Chocolate Fairy Gretel says: I approve of exercise by stealth. Hand-delivering Christmas cards if your recipients live locally is an excellent way of getting some fresh air and a bit of free exercise)

9. Give party leftovers and gifts of cakes, biscuits and chocolates to the local food shelter. You'll remove rich foods from your grasp and provide a treat to those in need.

Chocolate Fairy Gretel says: This sounds like one of those very good ideas dreamed up by someone who lives in a big city where there are homeless shelters. I wouldn’t know where to take excess party food in the small rural town where I live and, by the end of a party, most left-over party food is good only for compost or throwing away in my experience. And I don’t want rich foods removed from my grasp, thank you very much! I want to choose whether I eat them or not.

10. Keep your mind off food and your heart in the right place by volunteering. Charity organisations, toy drives and other endeavours can use all the help they can get.

Chocolate Fairy Gretel says: ?? I don’t think I have ever heard this before. Volunteering in order to avoid eating? Whatever next?! Volunteer because you want to help out, not because you’re avoiding eating, for goodness sake!

11. If you slip a little off track, don't dwell on it. That doesn't solve anything and can ruin your holiday fun. Just learn from the mistake, make sure to weigh in as usual and most of all, keep your sense of humour and good cheer.

Chocolate Fairy Gretel says: Firstly, I don’t have a ‘track’ to slip off. I don’t ‘dwell’ on my eating – I may reflect and learn from how, when, where I ate. I certainly don’t consider it a ‘mistake’. It happened and maybe I don’t want to do it like that again, but it wasn’t a ‘mistake’. I don’t ‘weigh in’. I can imagine worse things, certainly, but ‘weighing in’ comes pretty close to a worst thing. I hope I will always have a sense of humour and good cheer, neither of which is dependent on me torturing myself over food at this time of year.

Merry Festive Season whatever you are doing and Enjoy!

Revenge Eating

2011-12-15T15:00:00.001Z

A Fairy Wish: Web Wizard

2011-12-12T15:06:00.000Z

The Chocolate Fairies at HQ have a wish and we'd like to share it with you.

We want a Web Wizard for Christmas. Our wish is for a wise and kindly web site designer, or web site design company to appear and help us to re-design the Beyond Chocolate web site in view of our new book launch next September. The magical being (or group of magical beings) would be brilliant at planning, designing and building web sites and would have an extra sprinkling of fairy dust skills in online shops and community building tools (forums, blogs, member areas etc...). Incredibly, they'd also "get" Beyond Chocolate and what it's about so they would know just what ingredients are needed to conjure up a site that looks beautiful in it's simplicity, that explains exactly what we do and that is easy to run. All this would be delivered with a smile... and an invoice that isn't astronomical.

We have been searching Fairy Land high and low for this mythical figure but have yet to meet our oh-so wished for Web Wizard. So, Wizards and Wizardesses of the interweb, knock thrice if you are out there...

The Pause

2011-12-07T20:00:00.000Z

Cooking as a political statement

2011-12-06T17:23:00.000Z

I like to cook. It is an activity that ticks lots of boxes.

It's a great hobby for people who work from home a lot and have a hard time switching off. I have to eat so I can justify taking a break to cook.

Mostly, it does not require 100% of my attention and because it takes place in stages, I can do something else at the same time. I can chat with a friend thanks to my magic earpiece or talk with my son about his day. Sometimes I catch up with a bit of Masterchef on the iPlayer.

It saves me from constant back pain. Over the past 5 years, I have noticed that if I spend more than 3 consecutive hours at the computer my back aches. Everything slows down, I want to be somewhere else. When I cook I am on my feet. I dart around the kitchen, I climp up and down ladders, I stretch up to top shelves and I squat down to peer at cakes through the oven door. I scrub, quite vigorously, and roll and knead and chop and peel. Sometimes I can get quite hot and flushed. Being in constant motion and using different muscles in my body in lots of ways means that the blood is pumping through me and this prevents and relieves back pain. I am a happier, more pleasant, more productive person when I am without back pain. So cooking is good.

After much reading, experimenting, debating and blog following, I can safely say that eating meals that I have cooked myself, from scratch, with as many fresh, natural products as I can find and afford is part of my Healthy Eating Definition. So cooking is is a way to eat the way I want to be eating.

I like the end product. My cooking is nearly always tastier than the shop bought version. I like food, I like fresh, vibrant flavours and want my taste buds to sing. Processed food just doesn't do that. Good food brings me joy. And joy is a good thing. A very good thing.

I learn new stuff all the time. New techniques new ingredients, new concepts and schools of thought about what we eat and how we make that decision. And with wisdom comes power, the power to make choices. When I feel powerful and in charge of my life, when I feel that I am making choices, I am happy. And happiness is a good thing. A very good thing.

It is this last aspect of cooking which I was reminded of the other day. Quite by chance I happened to be in the car when Radio Four aired a 15 minute talk by Angela Saini as part of the Four Thought series (a sort of Ted Talks for radio). Saini is a witty and engaging technology and science journalist and although she wasn't specifically talking about cooking, a few things she said reminded me that picking up a frying pan can be something of a political statement.

Referring to the growing trend of DIY and recycling stuff she says: "That's why in a way making, knitting and crafting have become something of a counter movement to consumerism. They're not just fun things to do anymore, they're almost…subversive. Why should manufacturers tell us how our products should look? How long they should last and what we can do with them?"

It made me think that cooking, which is also in the realm of making and crafting can be subversive. When I am in the kitchen, I'm doing my bit to stick my two fingers up at consumerism. When I cook, when I make meals from scratch I am not letting a food manufacturer tell me what a dish should look or taste like. When I experiment in the kitchen, I'm not letting anyone dictate portion size or ingredients, nobody is telling me how much or what to eat. When I make things to eat I don't have to compromise on quality for the benefit of profit or to pay for multimillion advertising campaigns. When I eat food that doesn't come in packaging I choose what goes in and what doesn't, the ingredient list is short. When I cook, the food is mine and I can do as I please. I am in charge. And that is a good thing. When I am cooking as the Kitchen Fairy and showing other women how to make food I am doing a bit of grass roots politics and taking the battle out of the supermarkets and into the kitchens. The more women I can inspire to pick up a frying pan, the more powerful we become. And the more powerful we become, the better :-)

Are there any other political cooks out there who want to join in the frying pan movement?

What do you WANT to eat?

2011-12-01T08:45:00.008Z

The ‘Eat whatever you want’ principle has to be the sexiest, most appealing of the Beyond Chocolate principles. The shocked and excited silence that accompanies Audrey’s demonstration of the stocking up process on a workshop is invariably followed by either horror or jubilation from Beyond Chocolaters. And it’s usually the first principle that everyone rushes out to put into action. After years of deprivation and being good, it’s understandable. The idea that we can now eat these foods freely is amazing and terrifying in equal measure. We spend so many years counting calories, telling ourselves that we can’t have this, mustn’t have that, should only eat such and such in moderation, on special occasions, if we’ve been good… Now that we can eat whatever we want, legitimately, we can’t wait to get started.

The ‘Eat whatever you want principle’ is also the most misunderstood of all the principles. It can so easily become a license to binge. In focusing on this principle we sometimes forget the others and ‘Eat whatever you want’ becomes ‘Eat all your forbidden foods as much as you like to the exclusion of all other foods for ever’.

In some ways that’s part of the process, it’s helpful maybe even necessary, for a time, to stop counting, to stop measuring, to eat freely and with enjoyment. It’s vital to ditch the guilt and the anxiety about what we can and can’t eat. And the best way to do that is to stock up, to keep having the foods we think we shouldn’t have, as much as we want them.

The aim of this is to normalise not only the foods but the process of making choices about what we want to eat. Because the eat whatever you want prnciple is about making choices.

Once we have debunked the diet myths. Once we can step away from the notion that the answer to weight loss is to cut out fattening foods (whatever they are) and stick to the slimming ones. When we have untangled web of ‘unhealthy/fattening’ foods and we just see foods as ordinary, knowing we really will allow ourselves to eat whatever we want. Once the draw towards chocolate or crisps or whatever your forbidden foods are, is no longer magnetic, because after months or maybe years of having them as much as you like you finally believe that you will always have them if you want them…(and this really does take months, years even, not just weeks, there are no short cuts with this one!) then the real work starts.

That’s when we are really free to ask ourselves “If I can eat whatever I want, what do I really WANT to eat?

It’s the want part of ‘Eat whatever you want' which is the most important, not the whatever!

A truly healthy diet, whatever that means to you, comes from being willing to ask questions and be curious about our choices:

Are there foods that I can’t seem to stop eating, even though I know I can have them whatever I want?

What is it about these foods that makes me want to keep eating them?

How does eating this food leave me feeling (physically)?

What’s the impact on my body of eating this food?

How nourishing is it?

How satisfying is it?

How sustaining is it?

How much do I really like it?

How healthy is it? How do I know it’s healthy? Who said, and how do they know?

We can’t ask those questions with an open mind until we have no more rules or preconceived beliefs and views about food. And that’s the point of eating whatever you want; to be free of the old diet baggage when it comes to making food choices.

Ultimately it’s about tuning-in and being our own gurus. It’s about being willing to take responsibility for making choices and using our own experience, intelligence and discernment to make those choices. And it’s about feeling so non-plussed about sweets or chocolate or crisps or whatever, because you know that you always have a choice to have them, that you are finally free to say NO to them as well. A real no, without any sense of deprivation.

These days when I choose what to eat I base that choice of several factors:

Do I like it?
Will it nourish me?
Will it sustain me?
Will I feel good, physically, after I’ve eaten it?

Any food I choose always ticks the first box, I stopped eating foods I don’t like a long, lone time ago. Sometimes I choose to eat foods that ONLY tick the first one. Mostly though the foods I choose tick all 4. Because after years and years of eating whatever I want, food no longer has any power over me. Chocolate is just chocolate. Cake just cake. Peanuts, crisps, mash, butter, bread... all of it is just food. Some of it I like, some of it I love the taste of. And I know I can have any of them I want. Anytime. And the more unequivocally I know that, the more balanced my choices become. In fact by staying curious and genuinely puzzled about what constitutes a diet that feels good to me, that feels healthy, I make choices based on all four of those factors more often than not. So, I do eat chocolate and cake, bread and butter, crisps, peanuts and the rest... but far, far less than I used to and far, far less than I thought I'd want to. Not only because I don’t often feel like eating them but because after years of letting myself have them, and when I ask myself all the questions above, I realise that, 95% of the time, they are not want I really want. And that feels like true freedom to me.

Body Confidence

2011-12-01T07:00:00.000Z

Fruit flakes or fruit pastilles?

2011-11-23T13:08:00.003Z

Like most children - and indeed many adults - my four year old loves sweets. He is particularly fond of the gummy, sugary, chewy type (I wonder where he gets that from?) and is having a current love affair with Fruit Pastilles. He is always starving when he comes out of school and because we almost never go straight home, I bring a snack bag - usually some sort of sandwich and a piece of fruit - to tide him over till his evening meal. I also always include some sweets.

Anyway, on to my story. The other day we had arranged a play date with one of his class mates and we paused in the playground so they could eat before going off to play. I pulled out the snack bag, as did the other mum, and the children dived in. When the other little boy saw the Fruit Pastilles he asked Oscar if could have some and Oscar (reluctantly) handed him a few. His mum though, didn't want him to have any, explaining that he was allowed sweets only on Saturdays and she made him give them back and pulled out a bag of Yoghurt covered Fruit Flakes and offered that up instead. She also offered one to Oscar who took it, tasted one then gave it to me making a face (I don't like it) before running off to play with his Fruit Pastilles.

Later on at home I found the bag of Fruit Flakes in my pocket and, as I always do, glanced at the ingredients out of curiosity. I shouldn't have been surprised by what I read - I should know better. But I was...

Fruit Flakes with a yoghurt coating

Ingredients: For the yoghurt coating (58%) - Sugar, vegetable fat, whey powder, yoghurt powder, wheat flour, emulsifier, flavouring. For the fruit flakes (40%) - concentrated apple puree, concentrated strawberry puree, fructose-glucose syrup, sugar, wheat fibre, vegetable fat, gelling agent, natural colouring, natural flavouring. For the Glaze (2%) gum arabic, glazing agent.

Then I looked at the ingredients on the packet of Fruit Pastilles

Ingredients: Sugar, glucose syrup, fruit juices from concentrate (grape, apple, melon, blackcurrent, pineapple, lime, cherry), gelatin, gum arabic, modified starch, acids, acidity regulator, naturally sourced colours, flavourings.

Can you tell the difference? Because they look pretty similar to me!

Do you know what really gets me? What makes me furious and want to run around the playground tearing my hair out?

It's the fact that millions of well meaning mothers are being conned, day in day out, into buying what they believe are healthy snacks whilst in reality what they are giving their children is nothing more than sweets in disguise. Here they are, battling daily with their kids, banning and restricting sweets while unwittingly feeding them the very thing they are trying so hard to avoid.

I suppose it's a pretty easy mistake to make for a frazzled mum rushing around the supermarket. The Fruit Flakes with a Yoghurt Coating are sold in the dried fruit aisle (which is reassuringly miles away from the confectionary one). The packet features pictures of plump, juicy strawberries and a big splash of creamy looking yoghurt. So wholesome. There's a little red square on the front with the words "Ideal for lunchboxes" and a checklist on the back with outrageous claims that are presumably there to reassure parents that they are giving their child a truly healthy alternative. Let's take a closer look:

"Made with real fruit" - And? So are the fruit pastilles! It's also made with real glucose-fructose syrup but they don't mention that!
"Contains real yoghurt" - Oh yeah? The ingredient that comes closest in the list is yoghurt power and there's only 3% of that - not of the total ingredients mind, that's 3% of the 58% that makes up the 'yoghurt' coating. That's just about 1% of the total ingredients! I'm sorry, but this does not warrant a claim that this food contains real yoghurt. It's totally misleading.
"Natural colours" - Well thank goodness for that! I don't think there's a company out there making food for children using artificial colours these days. Even Smarties have gone natural! Oh, and so have the Fruit Pastilles...
"Great for energy" - Says who? What type of energy? The same type of sugar fuelled energy my son gets from the Fruit Pastilles?

I'm not finished. The Fruit Flakes cost more than than the Fruit Pastilles (about 30p more) and, frankly, they taste absolutely revolting.

The problem is that these Fruit Flakes are not the exception, they are the rule. There are literally hundreds of companies out there pedalling their wares as "healthy snacks" for children and they are nothing of the sort. The supermarket shelves are groaning under the weight of so called healthy foods aimed at children which often contain as much as, or even more, sugar than sweets. Let's call a spade a spade - or a sweet a sweet. Shouldn't there be some kind of legislation in place to make sure these food manufacturers can't get away with it?

It's wrong. Just plain wrong.

Eating in a non-Beyond Chocolate way?

2011-11-18T14:14:00.000Z

What's in dress size?

2011-11-16T15:30:00.003Z

I popped into HandM the other day to buy some socks for my son when I spotted this funky looking mini skirt. Having been quite frugal in the clothes shopping department for a while now, I thought I'd treat myself and invest a whopping £19.99. I grabbed a size 12 and ran into the changing room just to make sure.

I unzipped the skirt, wrapped it around my waist and then burst out laughing when I realised that I would have needed at least another 6 inches of material to be able to close the zip. The skirt was so teeny that I probably would have been just about able to squeeze myself into a size 16. Seeing as I was in a rush, and in all honesty don't really need a faux leather mini skirt, I left it in the changing room and hurried back out to pay for the socks and go home.

In the car on the way home it struck me that this experience, which I find quite amusing today would have been anything but just a few years ago. If the same thing had happened to me back then I would have been completely devastated. It wouldn't have occurred to me to question HandM and wonder if maybe they'd made a mistake with that particular skirt or had just gone completely nuts with their sizing in general. I would have assumed, against all logic, that I had managed to put on 2 dress sizes literally overnight. I would immediately have gone into a spiral of self criticism and disgust for being so 'fat'. I would have reached straight for the diet books, vowing to myself to eat less and lose weight, chastising myself for being so out of control, hating my body. I would have been down in the dumps, irritable, my confidence crushed. And of course, I would have had a mega binge to shut out the horror of being so horribly huge.

And then I thought about all the women to whom this happens every day, about all those young girls out there who shop in places like HandM and allow themselves to be defined by the little numbers on the label. Women and girls who truly believe they are unaccetable: too big, too fat.

I don't think that HandM made a mistake with the skirt, I think that their sizing is just plain crazy and that many women buy a size 16 skirt and then compare themselves miserably to the size zero "celebs" and models parading on television and pasted across the billboards.

Ooooh, I can feel a letter to the people at HandM coming on. Watch this space

Does your partner think you're gorgeous?

2011-11-10T08:03:00.003Z

What does your partner, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend… (I’ll use he here for the sake of brevity and continuity) think of your body? Does he think you are gorgeous? Does he always think you're gorgeous, whatever your size and however you feel about it? Whether you feel too fat or too lumpy, too bony or too flat or angular. Does he often tell you how beautiful you are or that he’d love you whatever your dress size? Or, is he the type who comments on how much weight you’ve put on, maybe uses it as an excuse not to get too intimate, not to have sex? Does it feel as if he watches what you eat? Does he comment on your size and urge or encourage you to lose weight?

Our partners all have such a different attitude to our body size and I am curious just how much this impacts us. I am blessed to live with a man who has always found me gorgeous, whatever my weight. He tells me so with regularity. He comments on the sexiness of my waist and the warmth and softness of my belly and tells me how he loves the shape and roundness of my bottom (which is particularly round and full). He doesn’t seem to mind that I’m getting older, that my skin is getting saggy in places, that I have wrinkles and dimples in various places. And I don’t honestly think he’s ever really noticed the cellulite on my thighs, in fact I don’t think the word cellulite ever even enters his consciousness!

When I hated my body, it felt as though all his appreciation and admiration didn’t make any difference. I didn’t really believe him and I would be busy contradicting him in my head before his sentence was even fully formed. It’s almost as though I was determined to hate my body, whatever he thought.

Today that I rather like the way I look myself, his admiration is very welcome, I love hearing him tell me how beautiful he finds me, I treasure those moments that, seemingly out of the blue, he says “you’re looking really pretty today” or “you look very sexy in that dress”. The compliments about my bottom and my shape feel like a loving hug.

We’d love to know what it’s like for you. Take a moment to complete our confidential survey. There are only a few questions so it will only take a minute and we won’t be logging your email address or any personal details. We haven’t quite finished writing Beyond Temptation, our new book, but I’m already planning for the next one. Not sure what the title will be yet (ideas welcome as ever) but it’s going to be about women and our relationship with our bodies… and we're just starting to gather some information so we'd love your help.

What are the NHS doing?

2011-11-09T17:58:00.002Z

A client told me today that her doctor would not refer her for counselling for depression and overeating, the doctor refused saying that it was OK to overeat to deal with depression as long as she sticks to low fat yoghurts and fruit. She even had the gall to add that they taste just as nice and would fill her up just the same. I am horrified. And it gets worse. The doctor advised her to join Slimming World or Weight Watchers, saying that they aren’t really diets. This, despite my client telling her that these clubs don’t help her as they don’t address the psychological reasons behind her overeating. And that in any case they had never worked for her and that she has in fact gained weight over the years while going to these slimming clubs. The doctor just didn’t listen. Moreover, this doctor is clearly lacking in information and effective strategies to help her. If the best she can come up with is low fat yoghurts and WW, we are indeed in big trouble. This doctor seriously thinks that telling someone to overeat fruit is a good thing. I want to cry.

I can’t tell you how many stories like this one I have heard over the years. Admittedly this is the first one where a doctor openly advises her patient to overeat fruit, but why am I so shocked and surprised? Legitimising overeating is something that diets have done for ever. In my Weight Watchers days I clearly remember being sold the number one benefit of FREE soups, namely that I could eat as much as I wanted. The message being, it’s OK, if you want to eat and you’re not hungry, eat FREE foods. I was constantly urged to abate my cravings for chocolate or crisps with as many carrot and celery sticks as I could. How does a presumably intelligent and highly educated doctor not see that promoting overeating of any food is unhelpful and downright dangerous. How can they fail to realise that they are compounding the problem, not solving or even managing it.

We always tell women not to stop overeating when they first start a course or a workshop. We invite them to overeat with awareness, to find out as much about the behaviour as they can. To take it very slowly. And this is always with a view to stopping or drastically reducing how much they overeat. We know that in order to do that, in order to stop overeating, we need to address all the psychological, behavioral and physical reasons we overeat in the first place. How can it be that Audrey and I, two ordinary women, can see that and a doctor cannot? It didn’t take me eight years of psychotherapy training to work out that if I continued to overeat free foods when I was on a diet, I’d be overeating chocolate and crisps as soon as I was off it. I didn’t need a degree in medicine to realise that the more we go on diets and sign up to slimming clubs, the fatter we become in the long run. It is blindingly obvious not just to me and to all the Chocolate Fairies; there are many, many scientists and researchers have known this since the 1940s when Ancel Keys conducted the Minnesota Starvation Experiment.

WW and SW produce wonderful glossy brochures targeted at the government and the NHS documenting just how many pounds they have helped us Brits lose over the years. Their materials fail to mention how many pounds we re-gain and how many of those pounds lost belong to same person who has lost and gained them over and over again, usually ending up a good few pounds heavier than when she started and feeling like a hopeless failure to boot. Blaming herself rather that the diets for her failure. This has got to stop. Now.

It is time the NHS woke up and admitted they are losing the so called battle against obesity. If they had the courage and the budget, they might just acknowledge that what people need is compassion, understanding and real, effective tools. This doctor would realise that my client knows best, she knows what she needs and some support in the form of counselling would be a start right now.

I’m working on a proposal for my doctors' surgery to offer them an ongoing weekly group for what they consider to be their hopeless cases, at no cost to the women or the NHS. I hope they will take up the offer.

On Being A Chocolate Fairy

2011-11-08T09:00:00.002Z

After my week away from work and home and away from everyone who knows that I am a Chocolate Fairy, I was struck with the thought, 'Am I working too hard on Being A Chocolate Fairy At All Times?' It's possible.

At work I'm surrounded by Women On Diets. We even let a room in our building to a major diet company three times a week and so I encounter dieting women wandering our corridors looking for the room, or I see them climbing the stairs to the room, or even waiting outside to be let in. If I go out to a local cafe for lunch there is invariably a table full of women squealing at the impossibility of eating what they really want and opting for something they 'know they should have' instead. Even the Press is against me … almost every day there is an article about some celeb diet that's GUARANTEED to work EVEN FOR YOU! Or a photo of some hapless celeb on holiday in a bikini whose body is instantly judged by the paper as being 'hot' or 'not'.

There seems no escape.

No-one has ever said it to me and yet I feel I Must Uphold The Chocolate Fairy Principles At All Times, even if no-one knows that's what I'm actually doing. And so I deliberately eat things at work that aren't 'allowed' on any diet (regardless of what they may claim), and I ostentatiously leave some of my food every now and then, just to show the invisible audience that I'm in control of my eating, not the other way round. I make sure the ladies-that-diet at work know I attend Zumba classes and yoga classes and that I exercise at home with my dvds. I cycle everywhere I go around town.

Does all this sound ridiculous to you?

Because it actually is, in essence, how I do want to live. I want to be able to eat whatever I like, when I choose. I want to be able to leave food because I've reached satisfaction. I want to move my body in ways that I enjoy as often as I'm able to. I LOVE being a Chocolate Fairy. I love the freedom that Beyond Chocolate has helped me to find. I want to free all women from the torment of pointless dieting.

And before you all pen furious emails to Sophie and Audrey, this is nothing that they have done. They haven’t imposed any of these expectations on any Chocolate Fairy. Of course, they do expect that we will work with the principles in our own lives and that we will work at spreading the word to as many other women as we can reach. In fact, Sophie and Audrey are better at accepting me as I am now than I have ever been. All of the above concern is actually the work of my very subtle and hard-working Gremlin.

I am good at spotting my Gremlin in some of its interjections, but this is quite a big one that my Gremlin must have been working on quite successfully for quite some time. To make me worried that I’m over-doing being a Chocolate Fairy is a remarkable achievement and I’m just glad I spotted it before too much damage was done!

So I will continue to work with the Beyond Chocolate principles in my life and, as I get better at spotting its work, I will continue to thwart my Gremlin wherever it pops up.