Bob & Tom - Colorful Quotes

Slash on dealing with his roadies on stage

Wed, 23 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

If you hand me an out-of-tune guitar, I will give you a look that will stick with you the rest of your life.

Tom Selleck on the fame of his facial hair

Thu, 17 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

My mustache now has its own representation in Hollywood.

Kristi Lee to Tom

Wed, 16 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

You can suck the fun out of anything.

Bob Kevoian when told the name "Tom" would be replacing dirty words in a racy news story

Mon, 14 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

It's a good thing this isn't the "Bob & Dick Show"

Chick McGee reading from his twitter account

Thu, 10 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

My new book title: "Hair in My Teeth," by Adolf Oliver Bush.

Gunner on what to say to people who talk during movies

Mon, 07 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

Hey, it's not your living room, be-yatch.

Joke from a Listener

Fri, 04 May 2012 00:00:00 -0700

A giraffe walks into a bar and announces, "Hey everyone, the high balls are on me!"

April Macie on her father's fast foot rant

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0700

At the end of the day, you're just a fat man yelling about cheese.

Donnie Baker to Randy

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0700

You're still a dick and I approve this message!

Danny Bevins on the way Tim Wilson speaks

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0700

Because of Tim Wilson's voice, it always sounds like he's about 5 seconds away from a Jimmy "The Greek" moment.

"Newt" on bouncing checks

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0700

Bounced checks are like wedding vows; as long as you're sincere at the time, that's all that matters.

Donnie Baker on a new kind of sex

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 00:00:00 -0700

I practice Newt Gingrich sex. Even when I know it's over I still don't pull out.

Donnie Baker on leaving your fly open.

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0700

Peek-a-boo pork is the oldest trick in the book.

Brian Dunkleman on his favorite hobbies

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0700

I love video games and weed. 40 is the new 16.

Chick McGee reading recent tweets from listeners

Wed, 14 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0700

Remember when the Coen Brothers tricked everyone into digging Blue Grass music for a year?

Bob Kevoian on Jonah Hill being skinny

Tue, 13 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0700

We need obese people because they're funny.

Kevin Pollak on podcasting in LA

Fri, 09 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Being asked to be one someone else's podcast is the new jury duty.

Mark Sweeney while answering a men's survey

Thu, 08 Mar 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Every man has measured it.

Pat Dixon on sex tapes

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

The best porn is still on VHS

Ernie Furglar on the Lenten season

Fri, 24 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Here at Furglar's Hardware, we're celebrating the season with our LENTsanity sale!

Kristi Lee on Tom's choice of topics

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

You weren't here on Friday, and we didn't talk about butts or farts or poop once!

Chick McGee on being able to hold cloth in his buttocks

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Haven't you ever taken off your underwear and then noticed they were still hanging there? No? Well, me neither then.

Mean Joe Greene on how he became 'Mean Joe'

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

In high school, I was kicked out of every football game I played in.

Frank Caliendo on begging for applause

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

If you beg enough, it starts to happen

Chick McGee on Dick Mango playing at the Super Bowl Village

Wed, 01 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Dick Mango used to just ruin 10 minutes of my day, now its like Chinese Water Torture.

Bob Kevoian on shopping for women's underwear

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

A lingerie store is just like the grocery store only with slightly fewer boners.

Bob Kevoian on the capture of the deodorant thief

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

Is that the woman that stole all the deodorant? Raise your hand if you're sure.

Reese Waters on booing

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

People booing the home team when they start losing is like sticking around the house and booing your ex-girlfriend after you break up.

Erik Rivera on meeting a girlfriend's parents

Fri, 13 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

I don't want to say her parents were racists, but they did racist things.

Greg Hahn to his date

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 00:00:00 -0800

For the last time, I do not want a breath mint.