Babblin' on the Bayou

Camp NaNoWriMo

2011-07-02T12:01:00.000-05:00

Dude . . . I had no idea.

Camp NaNoWriMo

I've been playing around with a new idea in my head and making notes and doing my daily page (yeah, not three pages, just one, but it's a start), so this is actually perfect timing. It looks like it's just getting started, and all the fun tools and buttons aren't even in place yet. No distracting forums, so yay on that one!

Wanna join in the summer-o-writing-fun? Just sign in with your old NaNoWriMo login or create a new account. It doesn't look like there will be any word count widgets or anything until August, so whats the point, right? Who knows, but it's just the kick in the butt I need to maybe get a draft done this summer!

Well, at least you know where I'll be this summer. :)

Avoiding the Middle Ground

2011-03-30T12:00:00.000-05:00

Lately, I've been living in the up or the down. Sort of by choice, sort of just the way I float. Nothing too extreme, after all, I'm still working on balance. Recently I've come to realize that my struggle with balance comes a lack of desire to live in that elusive middle ground. I like the ups and downs of life. Well, not so much the downs, but without them what good are those ups? Middle is boring. Tedious. Blah. So what I've really been doing is trying to force myself to live somewhere I don't want to be.

Don't get me wrong, I know it isn't healthy to live in extremes. I get that. But too long in the middle and I get antsy. I want to shake things up. That usually makes things better or worse, but either way things are different. And different, in my opinion, is good.

So here's the question. How is one to achieve peace or balance when one is constantly in a state of change? Even if I have some steady routines and rhythms to anchor myself (and I'm proud to say that I now have some pretty solid rhythms that I'm confortable with), everything around me is constantly changing. That's life. And if that's the case, does the universe really want me to be balanced? Ok, I realize that sounds ridiculous, but it really is bugging me. If life is about change and adaptation, how then is one to be balanced? Or, for that matter, what is balance? Maybe the definition is off, and maybe we're all reaching for something unattainable and that's why so many of us struggle with this. Maybe we need a new definition of balance or something new to strive for.

So tell me, what does balance mean to you?

40 Days of Nice

2011-03-09T15:35:00.000-06:00

I've been spending a lot of time lately trying to refocus my energy. Ok, who am I kidding? I'm trying to find any focus I can, forget REfocusing. I don't observe many religious traditions, and I certainly don't discuss what I do choose to observe or not observe. This year, however, I'm in the lenten mood. So, I'm doing 40 Days of Nice with my family. But it goes beyond being nice to one another. I'm also focusing the next few weeks on being nice to myself.

Writing my morning pages.
Eating fresh, healthy foods.
Exercising.
Spending lots of time outdoors.
Reading.
Taking time occasionally to just . . . be.

Manic Pre-March Madness

2011-02-16T18:26:00.000-06:00

Blame it on the absolutely gorgeous weather.

Blame it on kicking the sinus/allergy/cold/whatever-crawled-up-in-my-head-and-died crap to the curb. Finally.

Blame it on the excitement of planning our very first spring garden.

Blame it on the fact that homeschooling is going so gosh darn well.

Blame it on hormones and instability.

Whatever the reason, I'm back. Back to writing. Back to creating. Back to loving life. The only problem is that I can't get enough of it. I felt it distinctly kick in earlier this week. After a couple days of feeling decidedly better (thank you zyrtec, I swear I will be faithful now, I promise) coincided with a drastic change in weather, I remember not being able to sleep Sunday night. I stared up at the ceiling for hours, then woke around 4 a.m. and seriously considered creeping into the office to write. Great! Only, I knew better. If I did that, it would be only moments before my three foot shadow noticed my absence and pattered down the hall to find me. And THEN I'd be ticked. No, better to stare around and make plans. Lots of plans. Big freaking plans.

Aw hell, I can't remember what those plans were, but I'm still energized by it all. The windows in the house and car are wide open and I'm loving the energy around here. I started a new bag. Pink and brown. With guitars. I had to do the dreaded "Mark all as read," but I'll be making the blog rounds again. Swear. We took this week off of school to visit the zoo, play outside with friends, and start that garden. I'm gearing up to finish that draft I left hanging back in December, and I'm seriously considering moving my yearly first draft madness to the summer, since we won't be schooling and I can maybe breathe a little and finish for once.

I may be slightly manic. But that's ok. I really feel that animal frenzy from hibernating all winter and wanting to explode out into nature and produce something really special. Minus all that egg-laying.

What are your plans for spring? My list isn't long enough, so I need more project ideas. :)

(Oh, and if you're in a reader and haven't stopped by in a while, take a gander at the new background. It's nice and springy and I think I'll let it live here.)

Six Items or Less

2011-01-12T05:00:00.001-06:00

Have any of you seen the Six Items or Less challenge? Better yet, have any of you been ~~crazy~~ brave enough to take on the challenge? Basically, you pick six items from your wardrobe and wear only those six items for a month. Just to be clear, underwear and socks don't count, so please change those daily, ok? Thanks. Also, don't worry about taking up precious spots with jackets, shoes, or accessories. Those are freebies, too. So you might choose a dress, a pair of jeans, sweat pants, two t-shirts, and a sweatshirt. Or something like that. I can't imagine pulling this off back when I was working outside the house, but really, I think this is doable for me. Maybe.

Here's the thing. It's got me thinking. Really, I was already thinking about purging and scaling back in the closet, especially since I either don't fit in or don't wear much of the stuff in there anymore. I met someone once who told me she found a shirt pattern she liked, so at the beginning of the summer she made three shirts from that one pattern and that's all she wore. Super simple. I loved the sound of that. And I'm such a t-shirt and comfy pants kind of girl anyway. I could really scale back. Now, between the kids and all the baking/cooking I can't get away with wearing items multiple days between washing. That's just not going to happen anymore. But I'm thinking I can really simplify around here. Maybe a couple of outfits for at-home days, couple for errand/visiting days, and a couple of dressy outfits. You know, just in case I leave the house without a child attached to me. I have tons of old t-shirts crowding the closet. Really, I could probably go a month and not wear the same shirt twice. And I don't shop. Really, I don't. I've just acquired them all over the years, and most of them I don't even like because they don't fit well anymore. Or they never did in the first place. So why do I still have them? Who knows.

So, maybe I can change this challenge so it's more of a lifestyle change. You know, less of a diet and more of a healthy dressing plan. So instead of six items or less, I should change it to six outfits or less.

That's it. I'm convinced.
I'm going through my closet this weekend.
Who's with me?

Theme for 2011: CHOOSE

2011-01-01T18:07:00.000-06:00

For the past few years, I've kind of picked a theme to live by. See, I'm not big on resolutions. I love goals, but my goal lists can get out of hand. Plus, they change throughout the year. I need something simple, a word or phrase I can remember and apply to my life on a regular basis. One year I chose "Letting Go." I got pretty good at that one, but I still have to remind myself occasionally to just let things go. Last year was all about "Balance." About halfway through the year, I realized I was failing at that. Big time. Now, I'm pretty sure I'm failing at the balance thing. Maybe better than a year ago. I dont know. I can't really remember a year ago. Let's revisit those 2010 goals for a sec:

1. Submit novel. - no
2. Resume Freelancing. - no
3. Toddler Homeschooling - Yup. And (surprise, surprise) 2nd grade homeschooling, too.
4. Schedule More Grown-Up Time - Eh. Some. Probably better than the year before, but not much.

So, not great. But you know what? I'm ok with that. I'm letting it go. I learned so much more this year. Maybe I still need to work on balance in my life, but I'll get there. I'm not giving up on it. I'm just not beating myself over the head with it. I'm reading, and simplifying, and remembering what's important to me, and I'll find my balance one day. Or at least what balance looks like to me.

For this year, my theme is "Choose." I used to live by the motto, "Life is about choices." Really, it is. You're never as stuck as you feel. Usually that stuck feeling (for me, at least) comes from wanting two opposing things and not wanting to choose between them. Not even for a week or a month or a year. Well, I'm going to do it this year. I'm going to choose, on a daily basis. Here are some of the choices I hope to make this year:

Choose happiness.
Choose peace and simplicity.
Choose to laugh at myself and my mistakes.
Choose a passion. (Because being passionate about everything is exhausting. Focus on one thing at a time. Make a choice: What do you want to do today? Also, see #5.)
Choose to be present. Always.

I could go on, but you see where this is going, right? I've got my word and I'm sticking to it. And, with a little luck and focus, maybe in the midst of all these choices I'll find my balance, too.

Happy New Year!!!

Merry Christmas

2010-12-24T07:48:00.000-06:00

Wishing you all peace and happiness. And a healthy supply of valerian. It's the only way I'm keeping my sanity and my TMJ under control (well, sort of) this week.

Also, I now highly recommend putting a few drops of tea tree and lavender oils in the bowl of steaming water you breathe over when you have a sinus infection. Best stuff ever. Seriously, you know the old what would you bring on a deserted island question? Well, I'm bringing tea tree and lavender oil. You can thank me later.

Blessings and valerian to all, and to all a good night!

Mind Clutter

2010-12-15T05:00:00.001-06:00

I've been reading a lot of Zen books lately. Since it seems this season of my life is focused on "letting go," I figure I need all the help I can get with that. Recently, I read a passage in Zen Parenting: The Art of Learning What You Already Know. The amazing thing is that the more I read the book, the more I found a lot of non-parenting messages. Like this little gem:

"Mind clutter includes all those things we would like to focus on if we ever had the time. When we don't focus on them, but focus on the need to focus on them they end up taking up a lot of mental space. They turn into nagging annoyances that cause us to look for excuses, thinking about when we will focus on them. Mind clutter causes us to leave the now where we should be living."

Is this a writer thing? A parent thing? A woman thing? We've become so good at multitasking and amassing guilt, that our brains spin out of control on a regular basis. We obsess about all the things we aren't doing at any particular moment, and that "mind clutter" leaves us unable to perform the real tasks we're doing in the now to the best of our abilities. We're so busy thinking about the tasks we want to do later - when we have more time or energy or money or whatever - that we just aren't present.

If we want to write, we should write. If we choose to do something else and write later, so be it. Write later, but live now. We're big girls and boys. We make choices. Personally, my challenge is making those choices. I leave several things in limbo, piddling around here and there, not doing anything really well. I need to get back to making choices, deciding what I want to do, and defining the seasons of my life.

For now, that means family time. I'm in hibernation mode. That means snuggling, eating, and reading at home and under as many blankets as possible. I want to enjoy the holidays and this quiet time in my life. I don't want to feel weighed down by half of an unfinished novel. So, I'm giving it two weeks. I'm not ruling out the potential for writing a little during the period of time, but I'm not going to focus on it. At all. I'm going to live in the now and enjoy this season of my life. In January, I'm going to pick up and move on and focus on finishing this draft. But, until then, I'm going to live in the now and let go.

5 Minute Fix

2010-12-07T15:18:00.000-06:00

Remember back last week when I said I was halfway through the draft and that I'd finish by the end of the year? Remember that? Yeah, um, that's not gonna happen. I'm still only about halfway through, and it looks like I'm on my way to another January finish this year. (Or would that be next year? Ugh.) I took off several days after some unexpected stress derailed me. Correction, I allowed some unexpected stress to derail me.

But that's ok. I'm all about practicing some zen and the art of letting go. So, I let it go. I spent the weekend enjoying my girls and a little fresh air therapy. It's what I needed. It's what I wanted. I don't regret a minute of not writing.

Now I'm ready to get back into the story. The problem, even though it's only been a few days, is that the story feels foreign. And I'm out of the habit. And I'm lazy. And I just don't want to. Whah. But it's not true. I really do want to write this story, and I know better than to buy into that crap. So what's a girl to do? Easy. Write.

My quick fix is usually five minute writing. I commit to five minutes a day. Now, I'm not going to get this story written in any reasonable amount of time in five minutes a day, but it fixes those self-defeating whiny messages. I can write for five minutes. Then I get to say, "I wrote today," which is a great motivator by itself. And after just a few minutes a day, I have a new habit. Which builds momentum. I always say, momentum is the best tool for a writer. Losing it sucks, and I usually try at all costs to keep it going, usually with those five minutes a day. Plus, after just a few days I get to know my story again, and five minutes quickly becomes ten, which then becomes twenty and thirty and more. So in just five minutes, I can fix all of those things I whined about in the previous paragraph.

But some days, I have trouble motivating myself for five minutes. It doesn't happen often, but some days I need a little extra motivation. A chocolate carrot. So, I'm curious. What do you do on those blah days? Whether it's writing, work, shopping with the kids, crafting, or whatever, how do you get motivated to do something you know you really want/need to do, but can't get past the blahs? What's your chocolate carrot?

No Rest For the Weary

2010-11-30T20:25:00.000-06:00

35,526

I'm ok with that. I'm about at the midpoint, minus a short scene or so. Considering I spent the last two weeks in pain, that's not too shabby. Turns out the TMJ pain - and subsequent tooth and face pain - was in part due to a pretty severe sinus infection. I'm still recovering, but definitely on the road to better. So I took off a few days due to pain and the holiday. Wednesday was awful. Thursday was a family day. Friday was a shopping day (barf - yay - ugh). Saturday was a quiet day filled with house decorating and loads of medication. Then, the baby got sick. Ok, so technically she's not a baby anymore, but she's my baby. And she was sick. So I gave up until yesterday. Shit happens. Especially in November. And I'm cool with that.

Now . . . on to the second half.

I get to write another one thousand six hundred-something words tomorrow. Because that's what we do. We write like hell when we can, and try not to abandon our loved ones along the way. So December is really all about finishing that damn book already, but also about taking time off to enjoy family and friends. It's about balance. Yeah, good luck with that.

Congrats to all the winners, and
Happy Novel Finishing Month everyone!!!

Sill Kicking

2010-11-24T08:05:00.000-06:00

I haven't given up. I'm battling a week of headaches after the pharmacy finally decided to say late on Friday, "Oh, hey, by the way, they're discontinuing this medication. You'll have to call your doctor on Monday for something different." Fine. Whatever. I've been meaning to try some new natural remedies and get off the stuff anyway. Fine. But then I had a massive TMJ flare-up over the weekend. Massive. Which didn't help the headaches. I spent several days with hot packs on my jaw. And no, I didn't get much writing done.

I am at about 30,000 words (I haven't been updating my progress bar) right now. Not too shabby. 50k is out of the question, but I'm always satisfied if I get 40k. For some reason that always feels doable. Oh sure, I can push myself and hit 50k, but at what cost? And why? I would still have to finish the draft in December. This whole first draft thing is a two month process. No matter what. 40k puts me about halfway through the draft and doesn't give me that burnout feeling, so I can still push ahead and finish the darn thing the next month. So I'm taking it easy for the next couple of days and limiting my screen time (that's probably aggravating the headaches) and getting a grip on my pain and stress levels. I'll work through it, but that's part of what November's all about.

Shit happens. What can you get done in the midst of it? Because there will always be shit. You just have to wade through the mess and push yourself.

I hope all of you are having a productive NaNoWriMo.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Burn 'Em

2010-11-09T06:00:00.000-06:00

Like my current wallpaper?

That's right, burn them all.

Writing is fun.

I try to remember that as much as possible.

Need a change of scenery or a little spark? Visit the NaNoWriMo forums and find a wallpaper that gives you a little kickstart for week two.

What other tricks work for you? How do you get unstuck?

Saturday Snippet: NaNoWriMo 2010 Week 1

2010-11-06T06:00:00.006-05:00

How's everyone hanging in so far? I'm a little behind, but I'm pretty sure I can catch up and maybe get ahead this weekend. Also, I received some pretty sad news yesterday (nothing that directly affects me, just sad stuff), so I'm having a hard time getting excited about much of anything at the moment. Instead of a real post, I'm throwing out a little piece of what I wrote so far. This entire first chapter will probably get ripped out, and the first scene is actually so awful that I didn't even want to look at the file. This isn't good, but it's better than the awfulness that is the previous scene. It's all really, really bad first draft stuff, but that's ok. The first step is admitting the problem. I'll write better later.

(As always, all following material falls under copyright laws and is not to be reproduced anywhere in any form. If you break said laws, Boudreaux, Thibodeaux, and the gators will hunt you down. It's also probably an early draft and therefore filled with typos that I don't care to acknowledge just yet.)

-----

“So, the girlfriend wasn’t there?” Ryan asked.

“Yep, she was there. Not very helpful, but extremely interesting.” Simon smiled remembering her crazy green, glittered toes and that wild mess of copper curls on her head and how she thought he was . . . well, he still wasn’t sure who she thought he was, but clearly he wasn’t what she expected.

“Wait, you talked to her? Did she really not know anything or was she just uncooperative?”

Simon shook his head. “I think she’d like to get her hands on this guy as much as we would like to. Apparently, she’s not the girlfriend we need to be talking to at the moment.”

“Ouch,” Ryan said. “Wait, is she still at the lab? Shouldn’t we be waiting there or following her in case she’s lying.”

“No,” Simon chuckled. “She wasn’t lying. No one is that good an actress. Besides, we don’t need to follow her.” He flicked at the GPS screen with the back of his finger. “We know exactly where she’s going right now. We can follow her while you make a few calls and get me a little more current intel on where this guy might be staying and who this new girlfriend is.”

“Ok, so she’s going to mail something,” Ryan said when she saw the location Simon had plugged into the machine. “Shouldn’t we hurry to get there before she leaves for some other place and we lose her?”

Simon smiled and said, “No hurry. There’s one post office between here and her house and I promise you she won’t even beat us there with a two minute head start.”

“How the hell do you figure that?” Ryan asked, doubting Simon’s claim as he located a number in his phone and made a call.

“Easy,” said Simon. “Trust me, this girl doesn’t play politics. There’s no way she has priority parking. We could take a nap and still be at that post office before she even gets to her car.”

Ryan shook his head. “Your logic amazes me sometimes.”

“Yeah, me too,” Simon agreed. “Now stop kissing my ass and find me a girlfriend.”

Happy NaNo-vember!

2010-11-01T21:10:00.000-05:00

Somehow, despite whining, crying, shouting, sugar-high kids (one of which is slightly ill, and not the sugar kind of ill), I managed to crank out 2,000 words this evening. Go me. Sorry if I'm too exhausted to get more excited than that. But I crossed the first hurdle. I wrote that painful first scene. And I did plotting and the plot bunnies did not eat my brain. Yet. It ain't over yet.

But I got the distinct pleasure that comes with updating my NaNoWriMo word count for the first time.

And so it begins.

I forgot to mention it before, but if any of you on the official site want to add me as a buddy, my username is MichelleH. I love to see how everyone else is doing too. Good luck to everyone participating this year!

Happy November!!!

NaNoWriMo Prep 2010

2010-10-28T08:07:00.000-05:00

Not even a week to go and I've got . . . squat.

I guess that's not entirely true. I have two character's voices clearly chatting it up in my head. I also have a hint of a plot floating around in there too. So I guess that counts for something. Not much, but something.

If you're new to NaNoWriMo, and especially if you have something annoying in your life like a job or a partner or children who demand your attention, there are a few things you can do to prepare for the inevitable battles for your time and energy - none of which you will have left by week three.

Stock up on coffee, tea, soda, wine, chocolate, carrot sticks and any other mouth-goodies that make you happy or keep you sane when you are nervous.
Buy treats for meeting predesignated word count goals (yes, like dog treats for obedience, it's ok, you'll get over the shame of it all later). November 1st means after Halloween discount candy sales.
Find a crock pot. And recipes. Make a meal plan and shop for the month.
Set your DVR or subscribe to your favorite shows for free on Hulu.com. You won't have time to watch them in November, and if you plan ahead they'll be waiting for you in December when everyone else is complaining about reruns.

Easy enough, right? Now for the actual writing preparation:

Morning Pages - I haven't done these in ages, but they do clear my head and get all the junk out before a first draft. I don't write three pages, though. I usually write one page front and back, or until I have an idea or a focus for what I want to do or figure out during that day. They also bring me back to the habit of writing. My five minutes a day easily becomes ten, then fifteen, and pretty soon I'll be warmed up and ready for the 1 1/2 - 2 hours a day I need for next month.

Alexandra Sokoloff's Story Elements Checklist - Instead of writing individual scene cards for a first draft, I put each of these elements on a separate index card (a different color for each act). Then I post only Act One cards on my bulletin board when I start writing, and I make notes on the cards as I go along or as new ideas come to me. When I'm done with Act One, those come down and Act Two cards go up on the board. I continue like that throughout the first draft, and I've found this really helps me stay focused on the key elements I want to include. Plus, when I'm stuck, I can just pick a card and jump ahead to a scene that deals with that element.

Desktop Wallpaper - I have a folder full of the ones I liked. This way, when it starts to look like . . . well, wallpaper, or I need a boost or change of mood, I can switch to a new one easily. It was a nice time suck, too.

Scrivener - Sorry, for now this is Mac only. BUT if you PC users "win" NaNoWriMo this year, you will receive 50% off the Windows version which should be available early next year. Rock on! I believe there is a beta version available for pc, but seriously, do you want that kind of stress during NaNo? I'd advise against the beta for now.

Sam/C.J.'s Will Write For Wine charts - Spreadsheets give me the willies when I'm drafting. That said, these are great. I usually hold off on the spreadsheets until later, but there are some word docs that I use to figure out the goal, motivation, and conflict for my main characters and narrow down those central story questions. And if you haven't had the pleasure of listening to the podcasts, download a few for next month. They're a hoot, not to mention extremely helpful.

Alternative reading - I can't read someone else's fiction when I'm drafting. I want to, but it mucks things up in my head. So instead I keep some philosophy (I have a book by the Dalai Lhama waiting for me at the moment), writing craft (just finished Bird by Bird, so I might reread King's On Writing), or educational/parenting books around for the month. Not that I have a whole lot of time to read, but I don't like to completely abandon the habit.

Flash drives. 'Nuff said.

If you're interested in seeing prep lists from previous years, here they are:
NaNoWriMo Survival Kit 2009
NaNoWriMo 2008 Prep

Everything Really Is Better With Bacon

2010-10-26T08:34:00.000-05:00

You know what's the best part about book research? The random, unrelated nonsense you stumble upon. For example, this little gem:

Adventures in Drug Smuggling

Yep, Bacon.

I wasn't researching jailhouse heroin-syringe-burrito smuggling (not even researching regular old drug smuggling), but I just couldn't pass up the article. Well worth the laugh this morning.

Yes, I'll have the Giant Cocaine Squid, please.
With a side of Smoked Monkey.

Ew.

Some people's children.

NaNoWriMo 2010

2010-10-21T14:15:00.001-05:00

Yep, I've officially lost my mind. No need to ask.

Actually, I was perfectly content to skip NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) this year. Not even some lousy 20k goal. Just skip it. Then I received one of those lovely pep talks in my inbox. The pep talk itself didn't change my mind, but it did remind me of the Young Writers Program that NaNoWriMo offers. After doing a little reading, planning, downloading, and printing, I fully committed myself to helping my seven year old write a novel of her own next month. (You can find the post about that and all the neat stuff the YWP offers over on our homeschooling site. ) Still, I planned to skip it myself. Then, as I helped her through character development and goal-setting and all the prewriting fun, I just couldn't help myself. My poor little brain went into overdrive creating characters whose voices I'd been ignoring for weeks. And now they won't shut up. Woe. Is. I.

So, what's a girl to do?

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do NaNoWriMo again, damn it. And I'm gonna like it. Even if it kills me. That's half the fun, right? I'm looking forward to sharing it with my daughter this year, actually. So far she's pretty pumped about it. And I wrote my first morning pages today. Gosh, it's been a while. And it felt pretty damn good, too.

What about you? Who's throwing sanity to the wind along with me next month?

The Holy Grail of Boobs

2010-10-12T05:00:00.000-05:00

Forgive me for not posting last week. I was doubly busy. First, we had a little field trip to the Houston Space Center. I'm not much of space gal, but it was pure awesomeness. Second, I was busy questing. Shopping questing. Worse than jeans. A close second to swimsuits.

(Those of you with a Y chromosome may want to take this opportunity to exit stage left until I post again later this week.)

That's right, bra shopping. The damn things are torturous but necessary, an unfortunate combination. Now, I have to confess that I'm on the small side, so most days I run around the house without one, or at best I'll just wear a nursing tank during the summer. But when I leave the house, I need a little something extra. And we've been out of the house more lately (who knew homeschooling would lead to more interaction with people), and I don't want to scare new people off with my bralessness. And if I actually want to look nice in a shirt, I like a little extra umph under there, know what I mean?

So . . . bra questing.

Usually, such questing leads to tears and frustration. They say you just need to measure properly and buy the right size, but it isn't that simple. We aren't all the same few numbers (half sizes, anyone?), and even if we were, that doesn't take differences in shape into account. I can try on ten bras in the same exact size and leave with none that fit properly. And even those that fit are usually unacceptable, because they're uncomfortable or make me look like a twelve year old trapped in an eight year old's body. Sure, no one else needs to see it, but it's disheartening to start your day off looking at that in the mirror.

But I'm happy to report, I completed my bra quest successfully last week! We have comfort, fit, and style all in one bra, AND it's one of those invisible/seamless jobs. At $15. BONUS! Because really, at this point, I think I would have paid $150 for one. I bought all the ones they had in my size. I'm sure that by the time I need more, the manufacturer will have gone out of business or they will have changed the line completely and I'll be starting from scratch. Again. But I don't care right now. I won. I found the Holy Grail of boobs. And mine they are a-happy!

Problem Solved

2010-09-30T05:00:00.003-05:00

The more I thought about last week's problem, the more I realized I just didn't need more stuff. I liked the idea of keeping some clothes to show the kids what I wore, but . . . eh. I keep a lot of things for them (blankets, clothes, loveys, etc.), and I didn't feel like keeping clothes was going to be that impressive to them . . . or if it was, it wasn't worth it at the risk of my sanity. Still . . . I had the whole issue of not wanting to get rid of them even though I felt like I really needed to.

Then I became obsessed with New Dress A Day.

Problem . . .

. . . meet solution.

I had visions of turning ALL of my old maternity clothes into wearable closet staples, but after a disastrous fight with a half-lining on a knit shirt and the nausea I felt every time I touched the funky polyester on what used to be a favorite maternity sundress, I settled for one good shirt. And it is a good shirt. Granted, it was an Old Navy t-shirt that ran a bit small for a maternity shirt anyway making it fairly easy to alter . . . still, I did it. I sewed and cut and made it mine.

Apparently, that's all I needed. One good shirt in my closet. Because the rest are in a bag ready for Goodwill. I don't need them, and I feel absolutely no anxiety about it anymore. Whatever works, right?

Problem freaking solved.

I rock.

Letting Go or Commitment Phobia?

2010-09-24T05:00:00.038-05:00

This was meant to be a writing post. I swear, this was going to be The One. Because I'm ready, I have the itch, and I want to scratch it with a new story.

But something happened on the way to the computer.

I've been cleaning and decluttering. Slowly, I'm letting things go. Or at least boxing them up. But today, I hit the bedroom for my fifteen minutes of cleansing, and I tackled the box under the bed labeled "maternity." I forgot the damn box was even under there. But, there it was, mostly empty, because I purged a lot after Harper was born. I only kept a few favorite items. You know, just in case. Actually, not even just in case. Because I was done. I AM done. For many reasons.

Reason One: I'm tired. We don't make easy kids. (Does anyone, really? Don't answer that, it won't make me feel better.) My first never napped more than fifteen minutes at a time, and my second gave up naps at eighteen months. Neither slept through the night. Ever. And they both have . . . issues. (I know, don't we all?) Food issues, sleep issues, sensory issues, allergy issues . . . it's all just so exhausting most days. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my kids. I also would like to keep it that way, and I can't say that a third at this point wouldn't upset our already precarious balance.

Reason Two: Hey look, this IS writing-related after all! I feel like I can almost breathe again. Like we're reaching that next stage where they can function a little without me, opening up space for me to be me. Which means writing. Sewing. More writing. Sure I can (and do) do these things with them crawling around, but it's so much easier and I can get so much MORE of it done as they get older. I don't really want to start over again.

Reason Three: I don't do pregnant well. Oh, sure, I've got those birthing hips. But they don't help much when I lose weight instead of gain it. We're not talking a little sick here. I get violently ill for most of the pregnancy, and lose weight rapidly, and I have other complications in the end . . . at some point I feel like I'm pushing my luck with the whole healthy mom & baby thing.

So, yeah, I'm done.

I know why I kept those items back then. It's hard to calm the hormonal surge shortly after you have a baby. Even if you KNOW, its hard to admit you know. And I know. I'm done. Still, keeping those three shirts, two pairs of pants, and one swimsuit made me feel better. Why? Is it a control thing? Is it because I like having choices and options (Oh, I DO!)? Is it because something deep inside me still wants a third even against all reason? Honestly, I don't think that's it. Could it really just be about letting go?

It doesn't make sense. I'm so good at letting things go. I'm not a clutter keeper. I don't normally have emotional attachments to things. I love change. I love entering new phases of my life. I guess I have this need to keep the door behind me open . . . just a crack. A girl needs an exit strategy, you know.

Then it hit me.
It's a commitment issue.

It shouldn't come as a surprise. Back in the day, I kept a three-month expiration date on relationships. I was a professional major-hopper in college. I make big purchases with no fear or hesitation, because I always remember there will be another house/tv/car/etc. one day, so the decision isn't permanent. I didn't put the deep thought into deciding to have children in the first place, because while they're family forever, they don't live with you forever.

But deciding not to have any more children - ever - is a lifelong commitment. It's not even that I'm afraid I might change my mind. I've already done the letting go in my mind. Sure all the sling babies I see around town are adorable and tug at my heart so much that I miss my own sling baby, but I don't want a new one. No, I don't think I'll change my mind on this one.

But I want the option to be able to change my mind.

See, commitment issues.

So now I'm stuck with a stack of clothes I know I'll never wear, don't want to wear again, but since I refuse to get rid of them, I need to find a place for them to live. Where they can taunt me forever.

See?
I am so messed up.

Nothing to See Here

2010-09-15T05:00:00.017-05:00

You get filler today.

I had two deadlines this week, a house to clean, bugs to kill, a birthday to prepare for, and a party to plan. Oh yeah, and a room to paint.

And people, it is pink.
I mean pepto freaking pink.
My kid.
Wanted a pink room.
Go figure.

But wait . . . it isn't your ordinary pink room . . .

Gotta love that kid. :)

We're off celebrating my firstborn's seventh birthday today.

The rest of the week can wait!

What could you do for $5?

2010-09-10T05:00:00.018-05:00

Have you seen fiverr yet? This has to be the most bizarre (yet completely fascinating!) maintream site I've seen in a long time. I don't count crasigslist, because while it can be quite useful, the site usually makes me feel icky and dirty. Fiverr is on the verge of creeping me out. Maybe I'm just a sucker for cute colors and quirkiness.

Most of the things other people will do for $5 revolve around photography, advertising, social media sites, or web design. (Ahem, guess where all your spammers are coming from now.) But oh, don't think it stops there. Here are some of my favorites:

I will make you a pair of duct tape flip flops for $5 - Have you seen the cost of duct tape lately? This is a steal!
I will write your English name in Chinese for $5 - Could have saved me the annoyance of having to see the Chinese character for "fuzzy little animal" on my hip for the rest of my life.
I will write you a poem dealing with any occasion for $5 - Best poetry marketing ever. Really, poets don't make squat. It's very sad.
I will answer any question on Dubai for $5 - There is a market for this?
I will write your website name in my arm for $5 - Um, ok dude. I'll think about it. Might be worth the five bucks just to make you do it. Dude's gonna be 85 years old with fifty nonexistent websites tattooed on his arm.
I will give you the secret recipe for the best italian pizza ever for $5 - You lost me when you began it with "I'm Italian . . ." Still, I am hungry for pizza . . .

Then it got me thinking. What can I do that I could charge five bucks for? I could write something. No, that's just way too easy and predictable. I need something that's going to stand out. Something five bucks flashy. Like duct tape. I could go the Italian guy route and sell my cajun recipes. But really, I give those out for free. Heck, I'll even cook it and give you a bowl/plate of food for free. So, food's out.

I need to think on this a little more. In the meantime, it's sharing time. Keeping it clean, what could you do for $5?

Romance Writing for the Unromantic

2010-09-03T05:00:00.097-05:00

If you came here looking for tips, sorry. I got nothing for you.

If you came here to watch me writhe and cringe as I try to come to terms with how horribly unromantic I am and why a person like me would ever in a gazillion years even want to write romance of any form . . . well you, my friend, are in luck!

by MeganDarling

I am not exaggerating when I tell you I am probably the most unromantic person you'll ever meet. Or is it non-romantic? Do you know that I actually spend a great deal of time looking that up, because wandering the internet looking for the answer to unromantic vs. non-romantic is so much less painful than admitting how dead I am inside. (Too dramatic?) I did not, by the way, get a definitive answer, and I think Mr. Google and the dictionaries of the world should really get their shit together on this one.

At my very core, I am a realist. I believe most fairy tales are a crock and they set up unrealistic expectations for little girls (they also inspire a complete lack of motivation to do a damn thing for yourself, but that's another post for another day). I also am not a big believer in Happily Ever After. As a little girl, I never dreamed of meeting my Prince Charming, I never had fantasies about my wedding day, and marriage and kids and romance weren't really in the plan. I can open my own doors, buy my own chocolate, and open my own bank account, thank you very much.

Oh, and flowers die.

Then, they stink.

When I first began writing seriously, I read and wrote a lot of literary-type fiction. Serious stuff. Messy stuff. With realistic endings.

I was miserable.

Then I started reading fantasy again. Then a little chick lit. Then some romantic comedies and romantic mysteries, and oh boy, I was in a mess of trouble then. At some point, I had to admit I liked the HEA (Happily Ever After). I knew in my head it was all so unrealistic, but I didn't care. I liked it. It made me laugh and smile, and damn it I had enough reality in my life. When I read for pleasure, I need a break. So, I slip into a big glass of denial and pretend the world isn't perfect but everyone ends up happy anyway, and I am perfectly ok with that.

It took a little longer to admit that I wanted to try writing romance, but when I did I had another revelation.
Writing was fun again.

The last couple of years have been all about giving myself permission to write what I enjoy, and learning to let go and trust my voice and the stories I have to tell. So far, it's going pretty well. It's actually comforting to know your story is going to have a happy ending (even if you may have some carnage and lose a few people along the way) while you're writing it.

Writing romance has affected how I look at the world, too. I still think flowers die then stink, but I have to admit they sure are purty and I love having them around while they're alive. I can still buy my own chocolate, but nothing's quite as romantic as my husband running out to the new Chinese place at 8pm during a football game (a Saints game) to pick up food for me because I got busy fixing dinner for the kids and wasn't hungry earlier and kind of forgot to eat. And you know what else? I cried all through P.S., I Love You. There, I said it. I still can't watch it without sobbing uncontrollably through most of the movie. And I'm ok with that.

I'm never going to be that sappy girl that cries at weddings or swoons over Clooney-types. That's not me. But I can maybe accept the fact that I am not completely unromantic. I'm just not stereotypically romantic. And that's ok. Maybe it's even better, because it's me. It's different, and I can use that in my writing. But I may need to take more care to nurture my quasi-romantic side when I'm writing - buy some pretty daisies for my desk (I am so not a roses girl), have a late sushi night or two on the couch with my husband after the kids have gone to bed, or put on some sexy clothes that actually make me feel good instead of like an exhausted homeschooling mom wearing her housecleaning clothes every day. It's about the little things that make me feel good, and I need to tap into those more regularly when I'm writing if I want things to come more naturally.

Needless to say, reading lots of good romance helps, too.

World of Chorecraft

2010-08-30T05:00:00.003-05:00

Oh, my gosh.

I had to share this.

Having trouble getting your roommate to do the dishes?
Want your husband to clean out the garage?
Wondering how you can talk your kids into cleaning their rooms?

Check out Chore Wars (or the secondary site, World of Chorecraft). It's a D&D style site that lets you create characters to complete quests and compete for experience points to go up levels by completing the chores (quests) you set up for them.

I shit you not.

I really wish my kids were older, because I know my house would be ridiculously clean in no time!

Taking Notes

2010-08-23T05:00:00.001-05:00

I just read a section from of Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird on taking notes. The section was actually titled "Index Cards" and I assumed incorrectly that she would discuss how to use index cards to organize your writing, the same way many of us use them for scene cards, notes on characters, etc. Instead, she uses them for random notes - observations, story ideas, quotes, and other bits of stuff she comes up with throughout the day. She said she does keep notebooks in purses and around the house, but when she doesn't carry a bag with a notebook, she always keeps an index card folded in her back pocket with a pen. This really struck me, because I always assume that if something is important I will remember it. Of course, I rarely remember anything. My brain is broken. As if children and the natural aging process hadn't done me in already, this whole homeschooling thing has my brain on overdrive all the time. I'm constantly thinking of potential subjects, books, movies, projects, and everything else we could possibly do. I'm overloaded with information, and there isn't much room left in my brain to freely explore writing inspiration. So when an idea does hit me, it exits as quickly as it arrived. So I'm thinking about carrying an index card in my pocket too. Oh, and using it. Alright, I'm officially not thinking about it. I'm going to do it.

But this is just the first step. You see, this is how my writing life is going at the moment:

I'm bored with editing. I haven't touched my last project in weeks. Maybe months.
I'm thinking about NaNoWriMo in November.
I'm not thinking about any particular story ideas that I could use in November or any other month.
I'm thinking instead about how my life will look in November and how I can swing a writing month and still continue homeschooling.
I'm wondering if I can enroll both kids in school for just a month.
I'm considering freelancing again in exchange for pennies and aneurysms.
I'm wondering how I'm ever going to write again if I can't see worth a crap. (Apparently, old lady hormone surges mess with my vision just like they did when I was pregnant. My ob/gyn assured me I was not having pregnancy stroke and that she couldn't wear her contacts for 5 or 6 months. I tried reading glasses, but they didn't unblur anything; just made everything a bigger blur.)

So you see, I'm all over the place, and none of this is good.

I know how to get momentum back, how to train myself for writing like training for a marathon. A little bit each day. I can do that. But I'm not even there yet. I don't have the motivation. I need to train myself to think like a writer again.

So, index card in pocket, I'm taking notes. In a couple of weeks, when I'm anxious to do something with all of these notes, my brain will be ready, and I'll have a stack of cards ready to go. That's my plan and I'm sticking to it.