Frankly, I find the whole situation ironic. They come and I quote “to help out with the kid”. But instead they turn our life upside down, drive everyone absolutely mad (family dog is no exception) and make me SO tired. Instead of looking after one child, I find myself looking after one child and two adults, who present constant and immediate danger to him. At this point you probably are thinking: “Whoa there, aren’t you overreacting a little?” - wait up, see for yourself.

Last time they came to visit, my son Eric was 6 months old. In the 3.8 weeks they have stayed with us, I almost lost my milk supply (I was breastfeeding at the time) from being constantly nervous and worried about them around my baby. You would think that people their age know how to handle a baby - CAREFULLY that is. Instead Rob luckily caught the grandma when she was about to fall, having tripped over a dog with my precious baby in her hands - because she wasn’t looking where she was going.

It took me 2 months and 3 therapists to cure my baby, whom I was trying to get started on solids - he hated the spoon, after they forced food on him, tricked him into opening his mouth and pushed spoons on food while they could. This was their way of getting him to like solids.

This time they arrive and Eric is turning two. He’s been down with a cold for a week, and then began to recover, but they arrived ill, coughing and sneezing, and transferred the cold back to him - because they just couldn’t stop kissing him. A monkey would have more common sense and consideration than that.

It kept getting worse - Eric developed tonsillitis, his immune system was already weak and the antibiotics weren’t working. We went to see the doctor every other day and for a while there was a chance that Eric might need to be hospitalized. Did this stop them from clinging to him, kissing him and hugging him until he couldn’t breathe, wrapping him around their necks like a scarf? The kid was screaming and pushing them back, but no - they were all over him like a rash. You would think that at their age they have learned some respect to a person’s feelings.

I had to step forward, become a big bad wolf and forbid the loving nana and pop from kissing anything other than Eric’s foot. I must be a terrible person, but I didn’t give a rat’s ass about anything other than my child’s recovery and well-being. Is it just me or does anyone else finds it strange that a child needs to be protected from his grandparents?

And of course they are offended that I don’t trust them with my kid. That’s exactly right and I wouldn’t trust them even with our dog. I remember leaving them in charge of our dog with a exact instructions what to feed her and when - which, of course, they ignored and fed her whatever they wanted, until she had a couple of smelly accidents on their carpet. THEN they started to treat our instructions seriously.

How do people expect you to just automatically trust them? Trust needs to be earned and then kept. They managed to mess up almost every time the child was left with them. One time they were supposed to watch him, but they got distracted taking photos of the scenery, he climbed on the fence and fell, because he was tired and weak. And then it happened again in the next ten minutes. You would think that one learns from their mistakes or at least remembers them for half an hour.

How about that time when the grandpa “looked away for a minute” and my 2 year-old was riding his bicycle fast out of control down our sloppy driveway, straight into traffic? Rob yelled hysterically “Get him!!!” and I leaped, his grand dad and I got there at the same time and our hands met on Eric’s bike seat. I wouldn’t wish this feeling to my worst enemy.

I won’t even mention sharp scissors constantly being left in Eric’s reach, boiling hot cups of tea put way too close to a curious child and presents, containing dangerously small parts that can be easily swallowed. Yes, they have been asked not to do it and yes, they can read the labels on the toys. But they just don’t care. Or they are careless. Or they do it for some other reason I will never understand.

Am I sounding ungrateful? That’s exactly right, because I am. From where I stand it looks like they came to please themselves, dismiss and ruin everything I worked hard for in the 2 years since I had Eric, and certainly didn’t help.

Can anyone out there tell me - how do you turn this situation around? How do you transform the grandparents from dangerous to useful? How do you make their stay enjoyable for the whole family?

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Naturally, the next question was how is he going to ride with me, and there were 3 options: a tandem, a bike seat or a bike trailer.

Tandem

I’ve quickly understood that a tandem was too early to use for my 2 year-old. Mainly because he can’t be strapped into it and can get distracted and fall any time, not because he wouldn’t have loved it - this child has an amazing affection for bikes.

One of my Googling attempts resulted in a great page that explains everything about tandem bikes and all kinds of solutions for older kids at an awkward stage - when they are too big for a trailer, yet too small to be riding for miles on their own bike. An amazing resource, couldn’t keep it to myself, so if you’re into bikes and want to share your passion with your kids, click here and learn how to take’em along.

Child Bike Seat

The next thing to consider was a child bike seat and for a while I was leaning towards this solution.

Pros

1. The child has great visibility and chances he’ll enjoy the ride are much better.
2. The child sits close to me and initially it felt safer than having him towed in a separate trailer.
3. The seat has a good support for his back, neck and head

Cons

1. Child’s weight affects the rider’s balance.
2. Child’s movements affect the rider’s balance as well
3. Bike seat is only fit for kids under 18 kilos, and mine weighs 15 already.
4. You can’t give the kid a toy in a bike seat, because he might drop it. You have also no control over his shoes - and my Eric loves throwing them :)
5. And the main concern - if I fall, we both fall.

Bicycle Trailer

A trailer was the option we decided to go with. Why? The main reasons were safety and that we’ll be able to use if for longer. My worst fear about a bike seat was that Eric would make a sudden move, I’d be thrown off balance and we’d both fall. Also a trailer would last us longer, because it takes much more weight (up to 40 kilos as opposed to a bike seat, 18 kilos maximum).

Later on, after we’ve already bought a trailer, I discovered all kinds of additional pros, and what other people defined as cons didn’t bother me at all.

Pros

1. A trailer can take 2 kids, or one kid and lots of toys.
2. It’s sitting low - even if it would flip over, no major fall.
3. Even if I fall of my bike, my kid is safe.
4. There are safety straps for a child.
5. He has support for his legs and therefore feels more secure.
6. You can put some finger food in the inner pockets to keep him occupied.
7. There is room at the back of a trailer to put his bag - great for our trips to his child care center.
8. There are 3 big clear plastic windows for visibility
9. There is plastic storm cover for rainy days (yesterday I wished there was one over my bike :) )

Cons

1. The wheels have no suspension. In the beginning it felt strange, but later I learned to go around all the bumps on the road and Eric now enjoys smooth rides.

The downside of not having suspension is that we can’t go riding on bumpy trails, but hey - riding a bike with a trailer beats the hell of pushing a heavy pram. Yes it does!

Do you like riding a bike? Would you like to share that with your kids?

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I don’t know about you, but I came to hate expensive purchases. Not just because of the money, but because of all the trouble associated with them. All the research, comparing options and models, reading reviews to find which one is the best, thinking it through, that kind of stuff.

I mean, I am busy enough to address every 15 minutes of my day as a valuable time-slot to get multiple things done. I had responsibilities and commitments coming out my ears before these new projects of buying new things came along and joined the crows. The more, the merrier.

Let me tell you a bit about the “before-kids” me. I wouldn’t leave one stone unturned looking for the best deal, I would go through every source worth reading and find all the reviews, believing that this is the only way to chose the ultimate best value for money. I would go through every store and compare prices until I was positive I am buying The Best Item for The Best Price.

Gone those days of perfectionism. I am now leaning towards simplicity, quicker thinking processes and embracing the “good enough”. And you know what? It makes my life easier. So with the bike I figured that I need all the basic systems to be of good quality, but I don’t want to pay for stuff I won’t be using anyway. I do need the speed gears to work well and the breaks better behave themselves, but I don’t need to have a super-light frame or dual suspension, because I am not planning on doing jumps or carrying the bike around.

With that in mind it was pretty easy to come in a big bike store and see what ranges of bikes they had. I picked one that had the same speed gears system as ones installed on the most expensive bikes, but with a heavier frame and without the super-expensive dual suspension. Asked them to replace the pedals with wider ones for comfort, took it for a test ride, and that was it, I found my bike. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t check the prices in other stores, but I just couldn’t help myself :)

My takeaway from this shopping experience was that you do need to spend a bit extra to get a nice bike you will enjoy riding every day. The shop assistant that helped me was really young and an obvious fan of everything to do with bikes. While we were chatting about bikes and trails, I asked him why the model I am choosing is not that popular and he said: “Well, most people just get the cheapest bike they can find and then wonder why it sucks so much”. Quite a way to put it!

The other part of this takeaway was this: by comparing the bikes by price and asking: “What this one has that another one doesn’t, why is it more expensive?” you quickly find what the expensive components are and whether you need them or not where you will be riding.

One part of my way of getting around was solved - but the other still remained: how am I going to take Eric with me? Come back and find out in my next post.

Meanwhile, if you ride a bike - why did you choose that exact one?

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Well, for a mom who works from home and has a child care center within walking distance for the infrequent occasions her son attends, second car isn’t a must. Especially if the daddy is working part time and his car is parked in the driveway most of the time. But then nothing ever stays the same and once you adapt to a certain order of things, BANG, a change comes and you need to adjust all over again.

Daddy started a full time job. It’s been 2 years since he stopped being 9 to 5 kind of guy and concentrated on raising his baby boy. I keep on reading that this is not uncommon, yet personally I don’t know many people who did the same for their kids and it makes me so proud of him. But enough is enough, and Daddy felt he needs another job, which involves more driving, meeting more people and speaking in complete sentences.

And not having Daddy there to cover up makes Mommy busier. I realized I had lost at least 2 hours of working time a day and that was something I couldn’t afford. I am now a hybrid of a stay-at-home and work-from-home mom, which makes me responsible for my son, all the chores at the house and my own work. No pressure :)

The easiest way to get those 2 hours back would be to stop walking my son to the care center and start driving him there - which consequently would mean I need a car. Which consequently would be our second car. Which consequently would add a whole new set of one-off and ongoing expenses. Which in turn wouldn’t be a smart thing to do in today’s economy.

Weighing all the pros and cons, here’s what we got:

- Yes, I would get 2 more hours to work a day.

- No, that wouldn’t make us wealthier.

- Yes, it would be easier than walking.

- No, it wouldn’t be healthier for me, because I sit on my bum all day long as it is, working on a computer.

And then I had an AHA moment. So I need a way to get around, that won’t cost much, will keep me fit and will take less time than walking. I got it! Can you guess what it is?

No, you silly, it’s not a bus :)

It’s a bike!

Stay tuned and I will tell you all about this bike and how it’s going to carry both of us, Eric and I.

Meanwhile, can you tell me what you think of my decision? Was I right about this whole bike thing?

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Take it from me - there are a lot of issues in parenting you can lose a friend over.

You can argue endlessly about which way is better:

The list goes on, but my point is - why should we have to defend our choice? Why do we feel like forcing it on others?

Clearly there are arguments for and against any of these options. If there was just one, “right” way, people wouldn’t battle these decisions. The thing is, when you become a parent - this is your journey into the unknown. All kids are different; all parents are different and even within the same family things that work with one kid won’t necessarily work with another.

If someone breastfeeds their baby and you’re not - there is no right and wrong here, there is “right for you and your family”, and “right for them and their family”. If someone decided to not immunize their baby, wait up before you snap at them - there could have been very good reasons for that decision.

I know, sometimes it’s very tempting to prove to the other mom she’s got it all wrong. It’s very tempting to feel like you are the only one who does the right thing. But then it feels really bad when a bunch of snobby moms put you down, because you co-sleep with your baby, or admit to feeding him at night, and you feel like letting them have it.

Save you breath. There is no need to argue. This is not about being right - this is about being tolerant, and tolerant here wins. It will save your energy otherwise wasted in a pointless argument. It will keep your friendships from tearing apart. It will save you from getting angry at people who impose their version of reality on you.

And if you find yourself caught up in this situation, trying to explain why you do what you do - there is a way out: don’t discuss it. As an adult, you don’t need to be running around seeking approval or “enlightening” other parents. Some things are only a matter of personal preference.

Did you have to defend your parenting choices? How did it make you feel?

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0 - You’re a crappy parent.
1 - You’re a forgetful parent.
2 - You’re a busy parent.
3 - You could have done better.
4 - Not bad, but you need to try harder.
5 - Ok, that’ll do.
6 - Stop making things up :)

Just kidding.

This question came from my mother in law who lives overseas and will be visiting us soon, she was looking for hints what kind of presents would make Eric happy. But no matter of the reason, it got me thinking - what is it that my kid likes?

With an almost-two-year-olds this is a tricky thing to tell. You can’t just ask them and wait for an answer. I figured that if it’s something he wants to do often and doesn’t need to be convinced into, then he must like it. If it’s something that puts a smile on his face - then he must love it.

Here is my list - and it took me about an hour, so whatever your answer was to the quiz, don’t feel bad :)

Eric likes

1. Playing with trucks
2. Reading books with mummy and daddy
3. Going down slides
4. Colorful balloons
5. Watching basketball
6. Dogs
7. Dancing to music
8. Outdoor trips
9. Pretending to drive a car
10. His Teddy
11. His hats
12. His Baby Einstein DVDs
13. Playing hide and seek
14. Bananas and oranges
15. Broccoli and meatballs
16. Unbeatable pasta
17. Counting his fingers and toes
18. Watching mummy and daddy dance

What do your kids like?

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Sometimes, certain things simply can’t be bought for less - and if you try and get them for less, you will regret that. Big time. What you’re about to read is a case study I made from my recent disastrous vacation, to help you learn from my bad experience. Watch and learn what you shouldn’t do when going on vacation.

Objective: a 2-days getaway in the snow, when I show little Eric how tobogganing works and Rob gets to refresh his skiing skills.

Mistake #1: Date chosen based on whenever the cheap accommodation is available.

What went wrong: The weather. We didn’t check the forecast and instead of snow all we got was wind and rain. The slopes got all icy, Rob couldn’t ski and Eric couldn’t even walk. He slipped a couple of times on ice and lost all confidence.

Lesson learned: If you want a nice snow vacation, make sure there is snow before you book.

Mistake #2: Accommodation chosen based on price alone.

What went wrong: It was a lodge, which turned out to be a filthy disgusting place; our room had enough space to for one bunk bed and no room for Eric’s porta-cot. We ended up all sleeping in one bed, which means nobody got any normal sleep.

Mistake #3: We booked without asking who the other guests were.

What went wrong: The other quests of the lodge were a bunch of teenagers and naturally, they were very loud and the walls were very thin. Can’t really blame the kids - was one myself not too long ago, but they woke Eric up twice, during his night and afternoon sleep.

Lesson learned: When booking a cheaper shared accommodation, always ask about the “neighbors”.

Mistake #4: The place was chosen based on proximity - not based on the facilities.

What went wrong: We went to the closest mountain and it wasn’t a good choice. The amount of snow was so little that many of the ski lifts were closed and Rob could ski on 2 runs instead of 14.

Lesson learned: We should have drove another 2 hours to another mountain further away but with much bigger amount of snow and more ski runs - after all that was the purpose of the trip!

I feel so frustrated. This was the first vacation in a long time and it was anything but enjoyable.

Did it ever happen to you that an opportunity for some good time was right there, and you blew it?

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The one my baby had was Sassy Me In The Mirror and boy, did he love it. It’s colors drew attention like magnet, there were fun toys attached to it, it was large and clear and he could see his whole face, neck and chest in it. They spent together a lot of time and it was amazing to see him discover that baby in the mirror “reacts” to his movements.

At first, when he was 2 months old, I used to put the mirror his crib and he was looking at his reflection. I would put mirror on different sides of the crib, left and right, to encourage him to look both ways and develop the neck muscles equally.

Then when he was 4 months old and started to crawl I would put the mirror just outside his reach and he would try and grab it, or crawl towards it. I think it helped him to learn how to roll. He was touching the toys on the edges and playing with the duck and the ring on a string.

When he was about 6 months old he loved when we played together and he could catch a glimpse of me in his mirror. This was one of his favorite toys as he grew older, and only by 18 months I thought he’d lost interest in it, so I put it away. Yesterday (he is 20 months old now) he found it again and you should have seen the joy on his face!

Here is what Eric and I think about Sassy Me In The Mirror.

Good

1. This is a Baby-safe mirror that can’t be broken. Rest assured that your baby won’t heart himself and you won’t be getting 7 years of bad luck :)

2. The size is big enough for the baby to see a whole clear image of himself. Many other mirrors are too small for that.

3. There are toys attached to the frame of the mirror: a turtle with a ball that your baby can turn, a sun that can be rotated and makes a clicking sound, a duck that rattles, it’s attached to a string and has a Velcro to stick to the frame and a rubber ring on a string that can be chewed or pulled.

4. The toys don’t obstruct the mirror and the mirror is designed to be pointed downwards, which makes it good for tiniest babies still lying in the crib.

5. There are no batteries. Did I mention how I hate toys on batteries? Maybe just a 1000 times :)

6. There is a large plastic see-through pocket on the back of the mirror for mommy’s portrait (or anything else your baby likes looking at).

7. It has 2 sets of strings and can be tied to a crib, or in the car to the back of front seat. You put this mirror virtually anywhere. Maybe not in a pram, as it will be too big.

8. The patterns are bright and contrast enough to draw attention even of a newborn.

9. The mirror is soft and nice to touch and the toys around the edges have lots of textures.

10. This is a light toy, so even if a baby manages to undo the strings and the mirror falls into the crib it can’t hurt the baby.

Bad

1. Although it’s designed to stand on its own, like a tent, it falls over easily. If I wanted it to be just free-standing and for Eric to look at himself when he was crawling on the floor I used another toy to support it.

The verdict

This is a great and inexpensive entertainment, a quiet nice toy that occupied my boy for many hours - highly recommended.

What mirror is (or was) your baby’s favorite?

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In the 6 weeks he’s been going to the center, we were all sick with the bugs he brought home from there. There wasn’t a day when he didn’t have a runny nose or a cough. Some days - actually weeks - were worse, he would get tonsillitis, high fever and be in bed, sick, miserable, not eating and on antibiotics. What a world of pain we were living in.

He wouldn’t eat or drink in the center, his sleep time was fraction of the normal sleep. I was worried about him getting exhausted or dehydrated. He was insisting on sleeping with me at night - when we never shared a bed, and in general was more nervous and insecure than ever.

The reasonable side of me was whispering into my ears: “You’re sending him there so you can get 15 hours of kids-free working time a week. The kid hates it there and cries every time when you leave. He comes back sick and you’re missing work 3 times as much, sitting by his bed. And you have to pay for it, as if he was attending. And the whole family gets sick with the bugs he brings home. How stupid is that?”.

I began to think about looking for a nanny again. Yes I would pay twice as much, but at least he would be home, happier, healthier, so this solution would serve its purpose. And when I made a decision to start the nanny search, what was supposed to be his last week in the care, became his first good week. My kid has been promoted to the Toddlers room.

Eric is taller and stronger than many kids his age, and being at a higher level of development, was always drawn more towards older kids. Although he was only 20 months old, they decided to put him with 2 and 3 year-olds and he LOVED it.

That day changed everything for us. He enjoyed his days in the center and wasn’t crying any more when we were dropping him off there. He had a fantastic time playing with more sophisticated toys, being with older kids, doing yoga and dancing. He wasn’t getting sick as much - I don’t know why, maybe it’s because the older kids have better developed immune systems and they were healthier in general than the little babies in his previous group.

It’s always darkest before the dawn.

How difficult was it for your kids to get used to child care? How long did it take for them to like it?

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Let me explain (and please don’t laugh) - just because the box said: “From 6 month of age”, somehow I expected a 6 month old baby, who was barely sitting up, to quickly learn how to fit the shapes into the holes.

As I said, being a clueless new mom is my only excuse. Instead of enjoying the view of my baby chewing, banging and throwing the shapes I was thinking about what’s wrong with my baby and how come he can’t fit the shapes through the right holes. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Now, 16 months later, I can look back and say - this is one great toy. It’s simple, colorful, very baby-friendly, meaning no parts that can pinch soft baby’s skin or sharp corners, and my boy has been enjoying it for this whole year and a half (he still does, actually).

This is a toy that grows on your baby - at first they suck and chew the figures and the lid, bang the lid on the box, throw the figures in and out of the box, having tons of fun. Then they start taking the lid off, putting the figures in the box and putting the lid on. Then they start to actually try and fit the blocks in the holes.

The first shape my son could put in was the circle and how proud he was when it fell through the lid! The next one was the triangle, and then one by one he learned how to fit them all. It was a process he learned a lot from: concentration, consistency, not giving in to the frustration, perseverance. These words sure sound strange when used to describe a little baby playing with a toy - they are too grown-up, but nonetheless, true.

So let’s see what we’ve got there:

The good

1. There are two sets of shapes - one for mom, one for baby, which is great when you want to show them which block goes where, and then your baby can do the same with the second block of the same shape.

2. The box, lid and figures are easily washable with water and soap - not many toys are.

3. This is a very inexpensive and at the same time durable toy - it outlived many others in our house.

4. It’s compact size makes it perfect for car trips.

5. As your baby grows, the blocks are great to learn colors, shapes and numbers.

The bad

1. The lid comes of too easily and your baby may decide that instead of fitting the blocks through the holes it’s much easier to just throw them in and then put the lid on.

The verdict

I didn’t see many other toys that would provide a better value for money. Baby’s first blocks only costs around $10 and my kid was enjoying it for over 16 months already.

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