I want to share something with you which I’ve been keeping secret for far too long now. I’ve been carrying this deep dark secret around inside, and believe me it’s been no small burden on me personally or emotionally. Until now nobody has known about this, or almost nobody has known about it, except for me.

Over five years ago, I, Phil, built a whole website coordinated around DE shaving- but about one year ago, I secretly started using a certain disposable plastic razor- and I never told any of you about it, the people visiting the Baby Butt Smooth dot com website.

It is a DE shaving sacrilege.

All I can say is that I am sorry. I would like to ask you for your forgiveness. Please just listen to me, and if you could find it in your heart to do so, please give me another chance.

Infidelity often starts when a man is on a business trip… it often happens in a hotel.

I don’t know exactly how or why it all began, but I do have an idea. Infidelity often starts when a man is on a business trip, and in fact, it often happens in a hotel. This is exactly how it went with me. I believe that I first betrayed my loyalty to DE shaving when I was on a business trip, staying in some dump hotel, somewhere in that rotten part of the world we call the Middle East. I sincerely hope that I will live long enough to eventually see the day when the entire Middle East runs out of oil, so that the whole stinking sandy hot region can sink right back into total and complete global irrelevance for the next thousand years. After their oil runs out they’ll go right back to racing camels around the desert, fighting over dates, and wrapping up those poor women like walking mummies.

When you stay in a hotel, you often find a set of toiletries in the bathroom waiting for you. Depending on the hotel, you might also find a shoe horn and a shoe shine kit in the corner of the closet somewhere, and a Holy Bible in the little drawer next to the bed. In this case it wasn’t a Bible in the drawer, it was the Koran, plus an old copy of Juggs magazine. OK, bad joke about the Juggs, it was just the Koran.

Anyway in the bathroom was a disposable razor.

“… once in a while you wanna go out and go get yaself a hamburger.”

When I was 17 or 18 years old I was seduced by an older woman named Joy. Joy must have been at least 50 years old at the time. I don’t care whether you believe me or not, but it happens to be the truth. It was a very exciting experience for me as an innocent young man; Joy taught me a lot. Anyway I remember that I used to ask Joy all sorts of questions; we had a wonderful relationship that way. One of the subjects we discussed was infidelity. I asked her why, for example, Hugh Grant had just paid street prostitute Divine Brown to suck him off in the back seat of a car parked on some random street in LA, when he could have just kicked that AIDS bomb out of his car, raced back to his crib in Beverly Hills, and asked his wife, supermodel Elizabeth Hurley, to suck him off right there in the comfort of his own home. “Phil”, Joy explained, “if ya eat a steak dinner every night of the week, well once in a while you wanna go out and go get yaself a hamburger.” That’s what she said. Joy was a spectacularly honest and charismatic woman.

I had been shaving with DE razors for years, and I had turned a lot of men on to DE razors, extolling the virtues of these amazing, cost beneficial things. Then one day I found myself in that seedy little Middle East hotel room, with a cheap plastic disposable razor sitting beside the sink. It was tempting me; “why not set your stainless steel German engineered Merkur 34C to the side for a brief moment, and come have a quick fling with me”, the cheap thing said.

Here’s a razor like the one which seduced me in that dump hotel room that fateful night.

Guess what- the experience was mind blowing. I hate to admit it, but the experience was mind blowing. It was just mind blowing. Mind blowing.

The thing which really struck me about this little plastic number was the fact that it was super easy to navigate under my nose. This is one thing about DE shaving which has always been something of a pain in the ass for me- the fact that the relatively large head makes it kind of tricky to shave right beneath the nose. Do you know what I’m talking about? Do any of you share that frustration? Those mustache hairs at the top of where your mustache would be, right beneath where your nose begins. I find that it can be tough to shave those hairs with my Merkur 34C, as awesome as the Merkur 34C is.

A super compact head.

I want to very clear here, even though I know that at this point, you probably think that I have no credibility left as a human being. However, this little plastic job had a particularly small head. The super small size of the head, compared with other plastic disposables, really set it apart. Also, when you compare the size of this plastic razor’s shaving head, to the size of the shaving head of the Gillette Mach 9 or 10 or 11 or whatever hell number they’re up to now (it’s like that goddamn “Fast and Furious” film series, which has more installments to it than some cheap American sitcom with canned laughter), the head of this plastic thing was absolutely tiny. I mean tiny. Super compact head.

Another thing. It had a strange button on the top, which I didn’t even know what it was until later on in the game. Let me show you an animated GIF I created in order to illustrate this button’s action:

Do you see what it does? This little button actually clears the hairs out of from between the two blades. That’s what it does.

How did it shave, you now want to know- and in particular, how did it shave compared to a DE razor, like the Merkur 34C? Well the shave was pretty good… but I’m not going to lie. In any case I’m not going to lie any more than I already have, in the sense that I’ve been hiding this whole thing from you for almost a year now. No, it did not give me a Baby Butt Smooth shave- I don’t even think it would be possible to get a Baby Butt Smooth shave out of this plastic thing. However, please keep in mind that all this happened before I discovered grape seed oil. I do believe that with grape seed oil, I could potentially tease out a slightly closer shave, even with this plastic disposable- a shave approaching a Baby Butt Smooth shave. So no, it wasn’t a Baby Butt Smooth shave in that dump hotel room in the Middle East, but I would say it would qualify as a Damn Fine Shave, a DFS.

As for the rest of my DE shaving kit, I was using the usual tools. I had a shaving brush (a cheap brush I absolutely love, which I bought some time back in Amsterdam Holland, where hookers and dope are legal), and I used my Tabac shaving soap, one of my favorite shaving soaps of all time. So the only thing that had changed in my routine was that instead of using the Merkur 34C, I was taking this cheap plastic disposable thing for a whirl.

A funny thing- I had totally forgotten just how fast and loose you can be when using one of these plastic disposable things. These plastic disposable things are designed to be idiot proof! I was moving fast, but without that fateful thought in my head- “one false move and there’s gonna be blood everywhere!” Basically, I knew that there was little and in fact perhaps nothing I could possibly do to cause bloodshed. I could’ve shaved with my eyes closed- I might have missed a patch of hair here or there, but the point is, I wouldn’t have cut myself, no way, no how. Basically, these mass produced razors seem to have been designed with exactly this purpose- to allow you, in a somewhat miraculous way, to apply super sharp metal blades to your face, without any fear whatsoever that you might cut yourself to shreds.

“I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That is my dream; that is my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor… and surviving.”
– Colonel Walter E. Kurtz, Apocalypse Now

Mass produced plastic razors have taken the dangerous edge right out of men’s shaving. With plastic razors there is no longer any question as to whether or not you will survive. You WILL survive. What will end up killing you is some stupid crap, like testicular cancer caused by your deodorant, which contains aluminum.

It all depends on what you want in life. I suppose in that dump hotel room in the Middle East I had reached a point where I was no longer as interested in feeling that Zen like Eckhart Tolle feeling you sometimes get when you shave with a DE razor and a super sharp blade, like a Feather blade, which forces you to be absolutely and totally present for like 15 straight minutes of your life.

I supposed I just wanted to take some time off, and play around with these plastic things, which you can totally race around on your face, even along the edges of your jaw, without worrying that you’re about to slice your whole cheek in half.

The fact that the head on this plastic thing was so small, that itself gave it a kind of novelty like feel. Let me be clear- I didn’t return to shaving with any old plastic disposable razors- I went out and searched for more of this particular small headed razor. OK, here are some more photos.

Do you see how small and compact the head is? And do you see that little white button on it?

It’s got some strip on it. They call it, alternatively, a “comfort strip”, a “lubricating strip”, a “conditioning strip”, blah blah blah. I wouldn’t pay any attention to that stupid strip at all.

There was a period of time when I was living and working in London. I went to ASDA, and I was delighted to see that the razor I had used in that dump Middle East hotel room was not only available, but it also happened to be on sale- on an ASDA “Rollback” sale. I got several large bags of these razors, which, with the Rollback price reduction, brought the price down to approximately $0.20 (20 US cents) per razor. I will readily admit, that’s about twice what I was paying for each double edge razor blade for the Merkur 34C, when for instance I was buying boxes of Derby blades, which come 100 in a box. However, the good time I was having with these cheap disposable razors made it worth it to me; I decided to pay a little extra in order to enjoy this naughty little escapade.

Some time passed. I kept using these plastic disposable razors. Then I reconnected with a good friend of mine in London, a guy I’ve actually mentioned elsewhere on this website- Oliver. I turned Oliver on to DE shaving over five years ago, and he’s been using DE razors ever since. In any case I met Oliver for lunch, and I brought him (1) a shaving brush from Amsterdam- a cheap brush which I just absolutely adore, even though it’s not badger hair, but probably just some cheap boar’s hair- there’s just something about the brush that makes it really wonderful to use, and maybe I’ll write about it in another blog post; and (2) a bag of five of the small head plastic disposable razors which I had discovered in that Middle Eastern hotel bathroom. I said “Look Oliver, before you judge me, please just give these a chance.”

Christ Almighty I’m only human.

I never heard from Oliver regarding these razors. I hope he doesn’t feel that I have totally betrayed the principles underpinning the Baby Butt Smooth website. Christ Almighty I’m only human. At least I’m coming clean.

I continued working in the Middle East during this same time period, when I started using these plastic disposable razors. I kept telling myself, “Phil man, don’t be so hard on yourself; you’re flying back and forth between these rotten unstable Middle Eastern countries. You don’t need to be stopped by security and questioned about the box of double edged razor blades in your bag. Just enjoy these plastic disposable blades for a while.” That’s what I told myself. I made myself believe that I wasn’t really betraying my principles, but that instead, I was just being practical. Well that’s just a bunch of hooey, because I WAS in fact betraying the principles of DE shaving; but I’m telling you these small plastic things are fun to use. Not all plastic things, but these small plastic things in particular.

I made myself believe that I wasn’t really betraying my principles, but that instead, I was just being practical.

In the UK, they’re packaged as “Wilkinson Sword Extra Sensitive 2”. Here is a photo of what they looked like in ASDA in London.

The Wilkinson Sword Extra Sensitive 2- a bag of 10 of the delightful little devils.

In the USA, for reasons I don’t understand, they’re marketed as “Schick Slim Twins”. The name “Schick” is a pretty crazy name to call anything, but anyway in America they’re called “Schick Slim Twins”. Warning: these Schick razors cost MORE in the USA than the “Wilkinson Sword” razors cost in Europe- God only knows why. In most cases, things seem to cost less in America. On the other hand, there’s another fantastic shaving product I’ve found in the UK which also has an insanely low price- the Palmolive shaving stick, which in the UK cost like 49 pence a piece. These Palmolive shaving sticks are an absolutely outstanding value in shaving soap. I spent several months in an “Axis of Evil” country (I don’t want to mention which one) and for whatever reason I decided to bring along a Palmolive stick, instead of my Tabac shaving soap- so I really got into the Palmolive stick for several straight months of shaving. The performance of these Palmolive sticks is flat out great, and based on the price, almost confusing and bizarre. Sorry, getting back to the “Schick Slim Twins”:

Try them out, see what you think, and please don’t judge me too harshly. Please try to be open minded. I am doing my best to be a good person.

Thank you very much for visiting the Baby Butt Smooth website. Thank you for taking the time to read these little articles. I really do appreciate it. I sincerely appreciate it. Thank you.

Kind regards,

Phil

Please be honest with yourself!

Now, since we’re trying to be honest with ourselves here, let’s take this one step further.

Sometimes, people seek value. And they feel happy when they find value! They get EXCITED when they believe they’ve found a really good deal. You know what I mean- it’s that quiet sense of contentment you feel when you’ve found a product that just does what it’s supposed to do, and does it at a fair price. Or better yet, it does what it’s supposed to do, and it costs LESS than what you know in your heart it’s really worth. IE, you look at that product, and you say to yourself, “damn, they should’ve charged me even MORE for that thing! That thing is GREAT!!!”

The fact that you got it at the price you got it for- i.e, the fact that you UNDERPAID for it, in the sense that in this world of filth and lies, where nothing anyone says anymore has any truth to it whatsoever, you paid X for a product, and in return you got back X PLUS Y in terms of value- the fact that you UNDERPAID for it gives you an ongoing sense of happiness and satisfaction. The thing is loyal to you, it never fails you, it just works, and every single time you look at it, you are reminded of how well you did with this particular item. It’s like a gift you gave yourself which keeps on giving to yourself.

For many many years I felt this way about the Casio G-Shock DW5600E-1V watch. No I’m not talking about the nonsense overpriced over the top $200 Casio G-Shock watches they’re selling these days, with solar power and atomic syncronization. What a bunch of hooey. The Casio G-Shock DW5600E-1V’s battery lasts at least five years, who the hell needs solar panels? And what happens when you throw your watch in a drawer for a week or so, where there’s no sunlight? Then what? Here is the legendary Casio I’m talking about:

Look, I’m not going to write a whole blog post about it- not now anyway- but if you’ve never owned the original old school Casio Casio G-Shock DW5600E-1V, then you’ve missed out on one of the real pleasures in life. That watch is like a utilitarian Sherman tank, rolling around, kicking ass, blowing up enemy tanks everywhere. And how much does it cost? It costs $46 bucks. It represents absolutely extraordinary value. EXTRAORDINARY value.

…a glimmer of honesty and beauty and truth in this world filled with filth and deception and lies, where almost nothing is real anymore, and where you can no longer take anybody’s word for granted.

For purchases like this- well every single time you look at the object in question, and/or use it, you know that it represents a glimmer of honesty and beauty and truth in this world filled with filth and deception and lies, where almost nothing is real anymore, and where you can no longer take anybody’s word for granted.

OK, so that’s the tendency in man to get excited when they’ve found something representing good value. Now remember, this is a blog post where we’re supposed to be honest with ourselves. This means that it is now time for us to discuss an opposite and opposing, shameful tendency in man. That’s the tendency which man has, to sometimes, inexplicably, look for exciting new ways to… to… to take it in the ass. Yes, to take it in the ass, to take it right in the ass, deep up in the ass. By which I mean, to pay too much for stuff when we know very damn well it isn’t worth the price, and can’t possibly be worth the price. To get gouged.

Yes, sometimes it seems that we WANT to be gouged.

I deserve it! Really, I do!

The very fact that it’s so clearly and indisputably and ridiculously overpriced seems to be the very thing which gets us so excited. What a romantic indulgence, to overpay like this! What a really nice thing we’re doing for ourselves! Look how very well I’m treating myself, see how I’m going out of my way to indulge myself, with this extravagant, over the top purchase! I deserve it! Really, I do! And I’m going to give it to myself! I’M GOING TO GIVE IT TO MYSELF, RIGHT NOW, RIGHT THIS VERY INSTANT!!!

Oh really? You deserve to take it in the ass? Why? What sins did you commit which landed you in this sorry position, where you feel you deserve to take it in the ass?

No, it’s nothing but total and complete bullshit!!! We’re paying too much, we don’t need to pay this much, the premium we’re paying doesn’t bring us anything more than the right to remind ourselves and advertise to others that we deliberately took it in the ass on this stupid overpriced purchase.

Why, why, why… why do we do this?????? WHY???????? It’s a disgrace. And deep down inside you know it’s a disgrace. We shouldn’t get excited that we’re being gouged. There’s nothing redeeming about being gouged. And yet, unfortunately, men sometimes seem to get excited by the prospect of being gouged.

I’ll admit that it’s taking me an awfully long time to say it, but here it is.

You may know from another blog post on this website (“DE Shaving Bowls and Skuttles- Just Say No”) that I consider fancy shaving bowls and scuttles (or sKuttles?) to be a total and complete waste of money. And you may know on an admittedly unrelated matter that I consider the Bic Medium Point 4 Color Pen to be the most amazing value on the planet earth when it comes to writing instruments. However, today I have something new to say. I’ll admit that it’s taking me an awfully long time to say it, but here it is.

Grapeseed oil is an absolutely AMAZING pre-shaving product. It’s an AMAZING pre-shaving product! I can barely believe how incredible it is! I can barely get over my excitement over the astonishing value that it represents!

I do NOT deserve the credit for this discovery. I try to be an honest man, honest with myself, and honest with others. The credit for this discovery belongs to someone else, a mysterious person whose identity I’m not even sure about- I just know he seems to be located in New York. New York State? Or New York City? I don’t know. But one day I was on amazon.com, trying to learn what my options were for pre-shaving creams, lotions, preparations, whatever. I was looking for something to make my shaves easier, smoother, better. In the past, I have used Proraso pre-shave cream. I did like it, but I thought it was kind of expensive, so I stopped using it after the first jar.

What I was looking around for, instead, was an inexpensive everyday product, which I could us as a pre-shave cream. This is when I found a certain pre-shaving oil. I’M NOT LOOKING TO SCREW ANYONE OVER ON THIS WEBSITE OVER HERE!!! So no, I’m not going to tell you the name of the product I found on that fateful day. That’s not my thing. I’ll just say that it’s marketed as a “premium” pre-shaving oil which makes shaving easy and reduces irritation.

They sell it by the ounce. Guess how much an ounce is? It’s over $11.25. I’m not going to tell you EXACTLY how much it costs per ounce, because that might betray what the product is. So let’s just say it costs more than $11.25 for an ounce of this liquid. Jesus H. Christ, what is this stuff? Angel pee? Over eleven bucks for an ounce? What are they, on crack?

But I said to myself, “just read the reviews Phil- maybe it does AMAZING things.”

I read the first review. A certain guy- the mystery man I mentioned above who appears to be from New York- said:

“A nice product…works as advertised….However, I am a ‘chemist at heart’. I read labels. With that said, I noticed that one of the main ingredients is grape seed oil… Make you own conclusions here…you are smart enough!” (a mystery reviewer on Amazon.com)

Sweet Mother of Jesus Christ, what was this “chemist at heart” talking about?

I became obsessed with “grape seed oil”. What the hell is grape seed oil? Well it’s oil from the seeds of grapes! I didn’t even know grape seeds HAD oil in them. It shows you how ignorant I am, how ignorant I continue to be, and how much I have to learn about life.

I happened to be in Germany at the time that I was undertaking this research. I don’t live in Germany, but I happened to be there at this time. Using Google Translate, I was able to find the following product, but on Amazon’s German website: “Traubenkernöl”, 100ml, for €4.99.

OK. Google Currency Converter says that €4.99 is equal to $5.6108. So, what we have here is the following: the “premium” angel piss costs MORE than $11.25 per ounce of piss. I won’t tell you exactly how much, because I’m not trying to trash anyone’s product. But at the same time I don’t want to take it in the ass, and you shouldn’t take it in the ass either. Anyway one fluid ounce is equal to 29.5735 milliliters. Thus, the premium angel piss, if it came in a 100ml bottle, would cost over $38 bucks. I’m serious about this- do the math yourself if you don’t believe me. So, in conclusion:

Premium angel piss, over $38 bucks for a 100ml bottle. Pure grape seed oil, $5.61, for a 100ml bottle. What are you kidding me over here? Are they serious? ARE WE THAT STUPID???

Why are human beings always trying to stick it to one another in the ass? And why do some men sometimes WANT to take it in the ass? WHY WHY WHY???

Let me try to make a long story short, even though at this point it’s probably too late…

Let me try to make a long story short, even though at this point it’s probably too late to make this long story short. Here goes. I ordered the goddamn grape seed oil, for €4.99, from Amazon’s German website. The stuff was delivered ahead of schedule, but no surprise there- I was in Germany! In Germany, stuff works. Stuff works better than you would ever even believe it could ever possibly work. There’s a reason one million migrants are ditching Syria and trying to sneak into Germany- they’re not going for the pork schnitzel or brat. They’re sneaking into Germany because in Germany, stuff works. That’s a far cry from the disgusting thieving dysfunctional ultra-violent catastrophes which pose as “governments” in the Middle East. Anyway the grape seed oil arrived ahead of schedule in Germany.

I dropped five small droplets of the grape seed oil into the palm of my left hand. I dipped three fingertips (pointer, middle, and ring) of my right hand into the palm of my left hand, got the oil onto the fingertips of my right hand, and then rubbed the oil into my beard. Then I applied a rich creamy lather using Tabac shaving soap, one of my favorite shaving soaps of all time. I applied the Tabac lather to my face, using an inexpensive brush I purchased a while back, in Amsterdam of all places. I didn’t notice anything different about the way the Tabac lather went on- it went on as usual, no visible changes. But the shave itself felt different! Somehow it felt different! I’m telling you, it really did feel different!

I don’t know how to explain it man! It was almost like there was some luxurious transparent coat enveloping my skin, and protecting it, from the cruel cold blade of the steel razor, as it mercilessly cut through my beard hairs.

After the shave was done, after I had rinsed the lather from my face, I could feel that there was still a very very light thin coat- of what- of what I don’t know. I don’t want to say, “a thin coat of oil”, because that’s not what it felt like. I can’t stand oil, I never use oils or creams, I hate the greasy feeling of all that crap, those creams and lotions and oils which women put on their faces and bodies all the time. This didn’t feel like a coat of oil. It felt more like a thin coat of moisture, staying on the skin of my face- the left overs of the grape seed oil, after shaving, and after rinsing. It was weird.

After shaving everything away, the thin coat of grape seed oil was partly removed, mechanically, by the razor blade itself- but also partly removed by the emulsifying effect of the Tabac lather.

Shaving soap is at the end of the day a soap. A soap emulsifies- I think that means that it breaks up fats and oils and rinses them away. So what happened here was something like this: I had applied a very thin coat of grape seed oil, which happens to be a particularly light, not-so-oily oil. That sunk into the skin, and sat on the surface, and I believe, got into the little hairs, the stubble of my beard, softening the hairs somewhat. After shaving everything away, the thin coat of grape seed oil was partly removed, mechanically, by the razor blade itself- but also partly removed by the emulsifying effect of the Tabac lather. So post shave, all that was left was the lightest, thinnest possible sheet of grape seed oil on the skin of my face. My face did NOT feel greasy, and it did NOT feel oily. It just felt moist, less raw, and somehow less tight, than my face usually feels after a shave.

All this for €4.99, which is equivalent to $5.61, for a 100ml bottle.

UNBELIEVABLE.

This is the one of the most exciting discoveries I’ve made in the world of shaving in the past five years. I am so excited about this stupid grape seed oil. For a totally reasonable price, less than the cost of some latté in Starbucks which is gone in five minutes, I have a bottle of this grape seed stuff which makes my shaves smoother, and leaves my skin feeling more moist, and more healthy. It’s great.

I am really happy to share this with you. If you go get some, and if it works well for you, please add a comment here, or let me know through the contact page. I’d like to know how it works out for you.

Here is the product I’d recommend on the USA’s Amazon website:

Here is a comment someone posted about the product:

“This seems like a good quality oil. However, I prefer an oil with a bit more *weight*, so will get a different kind next time. If you don’t like oil residue on your skin, this is an excellent oil for that. It disappears on my dry skin immediately. This would be excellent for day time application on the face, so you don’t look too oily. That’s what I’m going to use it for.” (a random reviewer on Amazon.com)

You see? This is similar to what I was saying. As far as oils go, it is, apparently, a relatively light oil. This person said they wanted an oil with more weight. Hell, I want an oil with LESS weight! So this stuff would be perfect for me.

In terms of price: $6.77, but that’s not for one ounce, or for 100 milliliters. It’s $6.77 for a 16 ounce bottle! It’s insane. At this rate, this oil would cost $1.43 for a 100 milliliter bottle. Ridiculously inexpensive, when you consider the value it provides. It would cost $1.43 for a 100ml bottle; I paid €4.99 (approximately $5.61), for my 100ml bottle of grape seed oil in Germany; and the premium angel pee is sold at the rate of over $38 bucks for a 100ml bottle.

What kind of totally insane world are we living in?

It [the grape seed oil from Amazon’s US website] would cost $1.43 for a 100ml bottle; I paid €4.99 (approximately $5.61), for my 100ml bottle of grape seed oil in Germany; and the premium angel pee is sold at the rate of over $38 bucks for a 100ml bottle.

In any case, I’d say that my own little 100ml bottle of grape seed oil, which I bought in Germany, is still an outstanding value; however, when you look at this big 16 ounce bottle from Amazon’s American website, the value for double edge shavers is just off the charts. Off the charts. And that fact, that you’re getting such incredibly outstanding value, should give you an added pleasure, every single time you use it, every single time it does its primary job, of enhancing the quality and comfort of your shave.

In closing this post, I want to thank YOU, the reader, for visiting Baby Butt Smooth dot com. Also, thank you for putting up with me. I know that I can be a total pain in the ass sometimes. So I honestly appreciate it, your visiting this website, and your putting up with me.

I also want to thank the mystery man, who studied the ingredients of the expensive angel pee and said, “…I noticed that one of the main ingredients is grape seed oil… Make you own conclusions here…you are smart enough!” He is the one who really deserves the credit for this entire blog post about grape seed oil. Thank you, whoever you are. You didn’t have to share that knowledge with other people, but you did, and I definitely appreciate it. I hope others will appreciate it too.

Kind regards,

Phil

I’m in France right now, and let me tell you something: for a guy who loves Bic 4 Color Pens, I’m in the right place. Bic is a French company, and believe it or not, the Bic 4 Color Pen is still to this day made right here in France, like a fine French wine. You know the pen I’m talking about:

That is not my hand. First of all I’m a man, and that looks like a woman’s hand. Second of all I wear a watch on my right hand. So that’s not me. This is just a picture I found on the internet in order to remind you of what the Bic 4 Color Pen looks like. Also I don’t get manicures, and it looks like those fingernails have been manicured. It’s not my hand. Also, the hand looks small.

About a year and a half ago I took a trip to France. I avoided all of the boring tourist traps, like the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre, but I did give myself the opportunity to visit a large French discount store called Leclerc. Leclerc is like a Carrefour, or a Walmart. Anyway when I was in there walking up and down the aisles, I caught a glimpse of a brand new model of the old school Bic 4 Color Pen.

This new model was one I had never seen before. It was astonishingly classy and beautiful.

This new Bic 4 Color Pen combined the functionality and performance of the Bic Medium Point Blue Barrel 4 Color Pen, which many people all over the world remember using when they were children, with the grace and elegance of a Montblanc. It was all black, and it was called, get this, “The Pro”. Here is how it looked, hanging there on display:

I totally fell in love with this elegant black pen the second I saw it.

You have to understand that for decades, I’d been using the standard, old school Bic Blue Barrel Medium Point 4 Color Pen. Seeing my favorite Bic 4 Color Pen in black- in a shiny, classy black, like a black pearl- was a revelation and a shock.

We’ve all seen the Orange Barrel Fine Point 4 Color Pen before, but unfortunately, that Orange Barrel Fine Point 4 Color Pen totally sucks. The ink gets very light, very quickly, and it upsets me so much that I wrote two separate letters to Bic’s Customer Service. In my letters I complained about how badly those shitty Orange Barrel pens perform. Fine, they ignored my first letter, but my second letter, which was ferocious, brought good results.

Anyway more recently we’ve also seen fluorescent colored and pastel versions of the Bic 4 Color Pen, but let’s be honest, those are for girls. What all this means is that since the 1990’s, I’ve been using the Bic Blue Barrel Medium Point 4 Color Pen nonstop, because it’s amazing, but the truth is, I’ve been using it in spite of its childish, cheap, school boy appearance. That’s why suddenly seeing this new black model, “The Pro”, was so exciting to me.

I once received, as a gift, a SILVER barrel Bic 4 Color Pen- the woman who gave it to me knew how much I loved the Blue Barrel Bic 4 Color Pen. Before telling you my own verdict on the Silver Barrel Bic 4 Color Pen let me first show it to you; this way you can formulate your own views on it, without being prejudiced by my own:

The Silver Barrel Bic 4 Color Pen- a step in the right direction.

OK look, that’s a pretty nice looking pen, but two comments. First of all, although the barrel looks metallic, it’s actually made of plastic. Second, it still has that white part, the white part on the top of the pen, the area where you have the color selection buttons. This white top immediately makes people around you think- “hey that’s a nice looking pen… oh, wait a second, that’s just one of those children’s pens I used to use years ago, the Bic pen with the 4 colors!”

Let’s put it this way. In the professional world, I would say that the Silver Barrel Bic 4 Color Pen pictured above was a cut above the standard, old school, Blue Barrel 4 Color Pen. But Bic hadn’t yet taken the final bold step of creating a classy version in all BLACK.

What scared me when I was standing there in that French department store, Leclerc, was the following. What if this Black Barrel Bic 4 Color Pen was just a temporary promotional item? What if Bic had produced a certain number of them, but was not planning on making it a permanent part of the Bic 4 Color Pen line? I went home and did some research. My research led me to several exciting discoveries.

First of all, I found out that I could buy the Black Barrel Bic 4 Color Pen in bulk- that is, a dozen at a time:

Above, a dozen of the awesome Black Barrel Bic 4 Color Pen, also known as the “Bic Pro.”

The question now was price. Was Bic going to take me to the cleaners on the Bic Pro? It is a beautiful pen, but how much of a premium are they going to charge me for that elegant beauty, when compared with the standard Bic Blue Barrel 4 Color Pen I’d been using?

In case you didn’t know, the Bic Blue Barrel 4 Color Pen is not exactly cheap. In the USA, you generally pay several dollars per pen.

More than four bucks for a single Bic 4 Color Pen, in the United States of America! It’s not a cheap pen!

However, since I was in France when all of this was happening, and since France is where these Bic 4 Color Pens are actually made, I decided to visit the French Amazon website. Guess what- on the French Amazon website, I got an absolutely awesome deal on a full dozen of the Black Barrel Bic 4 Color Pen, The Pro. Take a look:

Hell yeah, I got a full dozen of the Black Barrel Bic 4 Color Pen for only 18.68 Euros, tax included, free shipping. That comes out to about 1.55 Euros per pen.

I hope you are reading the captions for each of the photos above. It’s important that you read the captions.

By buying a dozen I was paying only 1.55 Euros for an absolutely beautiful and high performing pen, which I really really loved. I love this black pen. Not only do I love this pen, but I am astonished that something so wonderful which brings me so much happiness and usefulness can cost me so little.

Let’s think hypothetically for a second here. If I didn’t have a pecker, and if in place of a pecker I instead had a Bic 4 Color Pen attached to my body where my pecker should be, then this is how my 4 Color Pecker Pen would react to all of this excitement (in time lapse photography):

What the illustration above is supposed to communicate is that I was excited.

Let me explain exactly why I was so excited. First of all, 18.68 Euros per dozen, i.e. 1.55 Euros per pen, is an incredibly good deal for such an amazing, perfect, classy product. But second of all, I was getting a much better deal than I would be getting if I was in the US of A. American consumers are taking it in the ass with these Bic 4 Color Pens. Take a look at this, which comes from Amazon’s website in America:

That offer above on America’s Amazon website makes a fool of the American consumer. $54.61, which does NOT include tax, plus shipping of $9.99. You’re paying over 65 bucks per dozen, which comes out to more than $5.40 for each stupid looking Blue Barrel Pen, which will hold you back professionally, because it looks childish, and not professional and classy, like the Black Barrel 4 Color Pen, The Pro.

Anyway, now you can see why I was so excited about the incredible deal I got on a dozen of the Black Barrels. And I’m not the only one who’s excited- French people are excited too. Amazon is great for reading customer comments and feedback on products and French Amazonians are beginning to leave comments too, on the French Amazon website. Here’s what Ms. Dionot Sandrine wrote about her Black Barrel Bic 4 Color Pen:

“Sobre; pratique pour un stylo utilisé intensivement.”

Roughly speaking, that translates to:
“Sober; practical for a pen which is used intensively.”

I fully agree; the Black Barrel, as far as pens go, is a sober writing instrument. Its elegance is understated. And while the pen is highly fashionable and elegant, it’s also totally practical, at the exact same time.

Another comment from a French Amazonian: Ms. Muriel Pus, who said that:

“J’adore les stylos de la marque BIC et les stylos 4 couleurs. C’est plus pratique. Ce stylo a un beau design.”

That translates to:
“I adore the Bic brand of pens, and pens with 4 colors; they’re practical. This pen has a beautiful design.”

Again, I fully agree with these French people. These Black Barrels are really something else.

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any better, I made another important discovery- again, on the Amazon website in France. You know how when you go to the bank, they always have a pen attached to a metal chain, so that the lowlife bank customers can’t walk away with all of the bank’s pens? Well I’ve always wanted one of those metal chain contraptions, to use on my own desk at home, and at work. However, when you compare the Bic 4 Color Pen to other pens, the Bic 4 Color Pen happens to be a relatively thick pen; those pen holders with the chain attached usually accommodate normal, thin pens. In other words, the Bic 4 Color Pen, regardless of what color it might be- Blue Barrel, the lousy Orange Barrel, Silver Barrel, or BLACK BARREL- won’t fit into the base. The Bic 4 Color Pen is just too thick to fit in the hole. Now however, out of the blue, I see that Bic has started manufacturing that metal chain contraption, but this time, with specifications that match the dimensions of the Bic 4 Color Pen! Here’s what I’m talking about:

When I saw this Black Barrel Counter Pen set, I almost freaked out.

In that picture above you can see the Bic Counter Pen set, with the Black Barrel Bic 4 Color Pen standing proudly and boldly inside. I knew I needed to get this thing, like a.s.a.p. Once again I was happy, because this pen is so awesome- and this base and metal chain would prevent the lowlives and losers in my life from stealing my shit- but also, I was happy because I saw that yet again, I could get an amazing deal on the French Amazon website. Look:

On France’s Amazon website, the Counter Pen Set costs 7.78 Euros, with tax included, and free shipping!

Less than 8 Euros to have the Bic Counter Pen Set in my hands, tax and shipping included. Once again, out of curiosity, I decided to check out Amazon’s website in America.

Oh wow, in America you get free shipping- but instead of the US dollar equivalent of 8 Euros, you instead have to pay almost 24 US dollars, plus tax!!! A total and complete rip off.

I really don’t understand why Americans have to take it in the ass like this. It’s totally unfair. If it weren’t for America, French people wouldn’t be manufacturing Bic pens at all- instead they’d be manufacturing Schneider pens, and Staedtler pens, and Herlitz pens and Wörther pens. Do you understand what I mean? What I mean is they’d all be a bunch of goddamn slaves, working for the Germans. That’s what I mean. And yet the Americans are paying fortunes for these Bic pens from France. Very sad!

Anyway since I was in France, I stayed away from the American Amazon website, and instead got my stuff on the French Amazon website. I went ahead and ordered both- a dozen of the Black Barrel Bic 4 Color Pens (The Pro), and a Bic Counter Pen Set. An incredible deal for wonderful high quality products.

Then I saw something that kind of shocked me. On the French Amazon website, a French person had totally savaged the Counter Pen Set. What the hell was this all about?

What was this French person, Gilbert Damiano, going on about? Why only 2 stars?

As you can see above, this French Amazonian, Gilbert, screwed Bic over by giving the Counter Pen Set only 2 stars out of 5. Giving 2 stars out of 5 is like giving someone a 40% on their final exam. That’s a failing grade man. The person who got that failing grade wouldn’t be allowed to graduate and move on with his life, and that’s pretty vicious, because maybe there was stuff that the guy really wanted to do when he graduated. So anyway what was this Monsieur Gilbert Damiano so unhappy about? Gilbert wrote:

“Pourquoi dire stylo 4 couleurs, alors qu’il n’y a qu’une seule couleur (bleue) et que même les 4 poussoirs sont bleus.”

That translates to: “Why say that the pen has 4 colors when there’s only one single color, blue, and when even the ink selection buttons on the pen are all blue.”

Gilbert was angry. I suddenly figured out what the problem was. Can you see what was happening here? Here is a close up view of the Black Barrel pen that comes inside the Counter Pen Set:

All the buttons are blue, and all 4 ink cartridges in the pen are blue, and the only color the pen can write in is blue!

Apparently, Bic made an assumption- that people or institutions that want this Counter Pen Set would only be using a traditional color to write with- a traditional color, like blue, or black. So instead of including a pen which has 4 different ink colors, they decided to include a pen that only writes in one color- blue. I guess if you wanted to use this Bic Counter Pen Set in a bank, the bank would only really need blue ink- right? The bank wouldn’t necessarily need to give the bank customer the choice of signing a document or endorsing a check in red ink, or in green ink, right? So blue, and only blue, would make sense. And by having 4 blue ink cartridges, that Bic Counter Pen Set would theoretically be maintenance free for 4 times longer than the typical counter pen set. A normal counter pen set comes with a pen that only has one single ink cartridge, not 4 separate ink cartridges. Comparing a normal counter pen set, and the Bic Counter Pen Set, is like comparing a car that has the usual one gas tank, to a car that has 4 separate full size gas tanks. Goddamn it, that 4 gas tank car would be able to drive a very long way before it would need to look for a gas station and get more gas. In fact the driver would have to stop by the side of the road to pee or to pooh long before the 4 gas tanks were empty.

I’m not a dumb guy. I took stock of the situation and made a quick decision, which I am pleased to share with you. Remember, I got myself a full dozen of the Black Barrels, for the super low price which I found on the Amazon website in France. And I got myself a Bic Counter Pen Set, which included a Black Barrel pen- but it was a Black Barrel pen which only wrote in one single color, blue, and which has 4 full capacity blue ink cartridges. So what I did was this. First, I carefully unhooked the all-blue-ink pen which was originally attached to the chain on the Bic Counter Pen Set; second, I opened up the box of 12 Bic Black Barrel 4 Color Pens, and hooked one of those new Black Barrel 4 Color Pens onto the Counter Pen Set’s metal chain. Here is a photo I took of the final results:

On the left, the Counter Pen Set; in the middle, the all-blue-ink pen that came with the set, and which was originally attached to the chain, but which I unhooked; on the right, the empty box which the Counter Set came in. I have kept the box, because I love this thing so much.

If you look closely at the photo up above, you can see that I have successfully replaced the all-blue-ink pen which came in the Counter Pen Set, with a normal, Black Barrel 4 Color Pen, which has all four colors- blue, black, red and green. That was the final solution, and I have to say it’s been a total success.

I have finally reached a point in my life where I feel really contented and happy. My happiness is of course not coming from my new box of Black Barrel Bic 4 Color Pens (The Pro), or from my Bic Counter Pen Set. However, that happiness which I have allows me to see how the people who are in my life right now are really wonderful, and special. And my happiness also allows me to fully appreciate outstanding and affordable products, like the Black Barrel Bic 4 Color Pen, The Pro, which functions well, looks great, and comes at a super reasonable price- at least in France. The people in my life, and the Black Barrel Bic 4 Color Pen in my hand- whether or not there’s a chain attached to the Bic 4 Color Pen- leave me wanting for nothing. And it reminds me of a quotation I saw a couple of days ago somewhere:

“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”

I think there’s a lot of truth to that. Socrates said that. Also:

“Everything that happens, happens as it should- and if you observe carefully, you will find this to be so.”

That’s from Marcus Aurelius, a man who almost 2,000 years ago was the Emperor of the Roman Empire.

I am contented with who I have, and with what I have. I’m with a wonderful, special woman- and I’m telling you, these pens are awesome.

What Marcus Aurelius wrote- that everything that happens, happens as it should- I can see how if I believed that, I would feel more peaceful and relaxed in my life. However, it seems to me that in order to believe that that statement is true, you have to have some kind of underlying faith, perhaps a kind of religious faith. I don’t really have that kind of faith yet, and I definitely wasn’t raised with that kind of faith, or any faith, which makes it harder to develop faith later on in life. But with time, I hope to develop faith.

Thank you for visiting the Baby Butt Smooth website. Please leave a comment, if you have a moment.

The last time I posted an article on this website (“Don’t call it Badger and Blade, call it Sissies and Stiffs“) was on October 31st, 2011. Do you realize that that’s almost three full years ago? I hope that the last three years of your life have been pleasant. If on the whole these last three years have been unpleasant, then I hope you’ve at least learned something- about yourself, about life, your career, something.

Anyway let’s get down to business.

This is a jar of the famous Tabac hard shaving soap from Germany.

When you take off the brown lid, you see that the Tabac shaving soap is shaped like a kind of hockey puck, sitting inside the jar. To create your lather, you’ve got to take your shaving brush, wet it with warm or hot water, and stroke it around on the surface of that hockey puck shaped piece of shaving soap. Before you know it, you’ll soon have yourself a rich thick creamy slippery lather.

By the way… are there any freaks out there who secretly go into the bathroom and create a lather, but for no reason at all, just because you feel like creating a lather? Like you’re not even going to shave, but you just want to create a lather? If there are little freaks like that out there, who actually do that- then can I please ask you something? What do you do with the lather after you’ve made the lather? Do you just throw it all away, rinse it off the brush, so that it literally goes right down the drain?

You can see that the shaving soap looks kind of like a hockey puck, sitting inside of the container.

The thing about hard shaving soaps is that oftentimes, they don’t come in a hocky puck shaped piece. Instead, they come shaped like a stick- like a huge piece of lipstick. Here’s a shaving stick from Spain. The brand is La Toja.

La Toja shaving stick.

What you’re supposed to do with a shaving stick is wet your face, rub the tip of that shaving stick all over your wet face, and then… and then you take your wet shaving brush, start brushing it all around on your face, and basically create the lather directly on your face.

I personally do not like to do this. I don’t like doing it at all. In fact I think it’s really quite wrong. I’m not trying to ruffle anyone’s feathers here, but I swear, I believe very strongly that lather should be created in a bowl. I believe you should create lather in a bowl. Once you have created the lather, and it’s in the bowl, you then apply that lather to your face.

So again, what I like to do is create the lather in a bowl, and then apply that lather onto my face. Is there a way for me to use this La Toja shaving stick soap, but change the form of it, so that it becomes like the Tabac hockey puck illustrated above? So that I can use my shaving brush, and create a La Toja lather in a bowl, and then apply the lather to my face?

Well, there is a way- and THAT’S what this blog post is all about. This blog post is called “Shaving Sticks”, but it’s really about taking a shaving stick and changing it so that you can use that same soap to create a lather in a bowl- the same way you would with the Tabac shaving soap, which comes in its own jar.

I’ve taken off the cap of this La Toja shaving stick. How can we get this shaving soap into a bowl or jar?

What I’m going to do right now is give you a self-explanatory picture tour of the steps you have to follow to change the form of this La Toja shaving soap from shaving stick form to bowl form.

The first step is to disassemble the shaving stick, and remove that tin foil wrapping that’s on the bottom of the stick- so the shaving stick is now just like a small cylinder of shaving soap.

The disassembled La Toja shaving stick.

Now you need to go and grab a very simple, basic cheese grater, like the one pictured below.

Can you guess what I’m going to do with this cheese grater?

You’re also going to need a small container or jar. I would recommend something cheap, simple, and lightweight, like this one.

A cheap plastic jar.

This small plastic jar holds around 150 ML.

Do not spend a lot of money! A simple plastic jar will be fine.

Now I take the stick of shaving soap and I start to grate it.

Grating the shaving stick.

Keep grating!

Look at this high speed action shot. Notice the blurring of my right hand.

The grated La Toja shaving stick. The gratings look like pieces of grated Parmesan cheese, but you don’t want to throw this on top of your pizza.

The La Toja shaving stick, completely grated.

Another shot of the grated La Toja shaving stick.

This step is not necessary, but I suggest that you use your fingers to break up the little shredded pieces of shaving soap into slightly smaller pieces.

Breaking up the buds of the shaving soap into smaller pieces.

Now start putting it into the bowl!!!

Transferring the shreds into the bowl.

This is actually important. What you have to do now is compress the shreds together, into the bottom of the bowl.

Compressing the shredded soap into the bowl.

After compressing the little pieces together, they stick! It’s interesting how this happens. At this point, you can turn the bowl upside down, and those little shredded pieces just stick together.

The little shredded pieces stick together in the bowl.

Here I’m just adding the rest of the pieces into the bowl. You may notice in the photo below that my left pinky is sticking out. You might conclude from this that I come from one of the higher social classes, like the English aristocrats, who, when they hold their tea cups, stick out their pinky finger. This would be a wrong conclusion on your part, because I come from a low class background. But is it even true that those English fops stick out their pinky fingers when they drink tea? And if it is true, then how do we know that they’re not really just a bunch of gays? I’ve even heard that the English aristocracy is not even English at all- they’re really just a bunch of sexual degenerates that got booted out of Germany, and then settled in England, so that they could start doing their monkey business over there. I really mean this- this is what an actual English guy told me. Well, that guy’s not really 100% English- he was born in England, but then when he was around seven years old he and his family moved to a ghetto in Brooklyn.

Adding in the rest of the pieces.

Almost done adding in the pieces. Once again notice the left pinky finger sticking out.

The jar is slowly filling up.

Pressing in the remaining shreds, nice and tight, so that they all stick together, like a solid piece of shaving soap.

Press the shreds firmly into the bowl.

Don’t waste any!

Brushing together the last pieces from the cutting board.

OK, maybe I’m going overboard here. Notice the shaving paraphernalia on my bed in the background of the photograph.

Funneling in the dust of the shredded up shaving sitck.

Now I’m just going to mark the top of the jar, in order to identify which shaving soap is contained in this particular jar.

Identifying this jar as a jar of Ta Toja.

It’s done- a jar of La Toja shaving soap- whereas before you had a La Toja shaving stick. Now, you can wet your shaving brush, brush it around in this La Toja shaving bowl, and whip up a thick rich Spanish lather, which you can then apply to your face.

The fully labelled jar of La Toja.

Here are a couple of jars I’ve created, which originally came in the form of shaving sticks.

From left to right: La Toja (Spanish), Lea (Spanish), Camelot (Turkish), and Arko (Turkish)

Here’s the La Toja, which I just created.

La Toja.

Here’s the Lea.

Lea shaving soap, from Spain.

Camelot shaving soap, from Turkey. Actually, this shaving soap is so soft, you can press it directly into your bowl! That is, you don’t have to grate it up. This is a very nice shaving soap.

Camelot. A very soft soap, no cheese grater required.

This is the Arko shaving soap from Turkey. Arko is not as soft as Camelot, but it’s still soft enough that you can press it directly into a jar or bowl, without grating it up first.

Arko shaving soap.

I hope that you’ve enjoyed your time on Baby Butt Smooth dot com.

This morning I timidly posted the following “thread.” For those of you who are not yet members of an internet forum, a “thread” is just a message you post on a forum about some topic of concern to the community, which other members of the community can then respond to and discuss. Here is what I posted this morning on the Badger and Blade website, line by line and word for word:

Dear Fellow DE Shavers,

I am fairly new to DE shaving but once I learned about it I got on board big time. I hope that you will welcome me into the Badger & Blade community, I am very happy to be here. With all due respect, I would like to share a certain viewpoint that some may strongly disagree with, but here goes: I think that fancy shaving bowls and skuttles are not only totally dispensable but should in fact be avoided at all costs. I elaborate on this here, https://babybuttsmooth.com/de-shaving-bowls-and-skuttles-just-say-no/ but the basic idea is this: a simple, wide mouthed coffee mug will retain heat better than a fancy chrome or frosted glass shaving bowl, and will cost much, much less. As for the skuttles, they are, in my opinion, just way over the top, and they should be avoided on principle alone; if/when you buy yourself, and use, a fancy, expensive, ancient looking shaving skuttle, then your wife, girlfriend, female companion, male lover, partner- will be able to go on wasting money on clothing and shoes and there won’t be a thing you’ll be able to say to stop them. Please take a look at the image below. Then tell me what, if anything, is missing. What does this inexpensive jumbo mug, perfectly suited for use as a shaving bowl, lack, which some expensive metal or glass bowl has to offer? I like to think of myself as an open minded person, in fact I really do make an effort to actually be open minded- but I cannot, for the life of me, understand the point of all the overblown shaving bowls and skuttles. For me it feels like the one part of DE shaving which simply doesn’t belong, but I would be interested in hearing your viewpoints on the matter. I’ve sure been wrong about many things before so maybe right now when it comes to these deluxe shaving bowls I’m simply missing something.

Kind regards,

Phil
Baby Butt Smooth dot com

Yes, that’s the innocent message I posted this morning, word for word. I then raced out of the house and headed over to a museum here in London, hoping to impress a certain German woman with my culture and sophistication. But actually I had spent so long crafting my very first post on the Badger and Blade website that in fact, I had to sacrifice a shower and a shave in order to get to the museum on time. So there’s the picture for you- the plan was to shower, get an amazing baby butt smooth shave, dress nicely, wear polished shoes, and discuss the Van Dyck, Rubens, Velazquez, and Rembrandt paintings… but instead I’m showing up with sweat dripping down my shirt and 3 days worth of beard growth, unwashed hair, completely strung out from running, basically looking and smelling like a no good junky from the streets. But that’s how much my very first Badger and Blade post meant to me; I wanted it to be absolutely proper and correct, because as they say in that American deodorant commercial, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Well as it turns out, the German woman I was supposed to meet at the museum was over 45 minutes late. We were supposed to do a special museum tour at 2:30, but by the time she showed up the tour was almost over. Plus she still needed to drink coffee before she could look at the paintings.

On the other hand she did look very clean and pretty, unlike me. I have always had the greatest respect for German precision and organization, one of the reasons I love my Merkur 34C so much. There is a certain German expression, “ordnung muss sein,” and that’s exactly how I try to live my whole entire life. Unfortunately my German museum companion seems never to have heard a thing about this “ordnung muss sein” concept. It could have been worse- she did send me multiple SMS messages on my phone on her way over to the museum. In one of those messages she indicated that she was running late- she sent this when it was already half an hour past our arranged meeting time. After some more time had passed, she then sent another message indicating that she could not find the museum. That’s when I said, “first of all this woman can’t possibly be German, and second of all, is my Badger and Blade thread online yet, and getting any responses from fellow members of the Badger and Blade community?”

On my smartphone I visited the Badger and Blade website. Sure enough my post had been published. Rock and Roll! My heart was racing. Would people accept me? Embrace me as a new, hyper motivated member, a guy that was so gung-ho about DE shaving that he took it upon himself to build an entire website about the topic? I re-read my post and felt proud. Then I scrolled down and realized that there were already some responses- unbelievable! People were already providing feedback! I was now a fully fledged member of the community. I scrolled down further- and that’s when my heart began to sink.

Dear Readers, you have no idea the kind of vicious and hideous things people were writing about me. I was repeatedly accused of being a “troll.” The truth is I had no idea what a “troll” was. I sent an email to my good friend, Oliver, a fellow DE shaving enthusiast, someone relatively new to the world of DE shaving, just like me, and I came right out and asked him: “what the hell is a troll?” I’ll tell you what- if someone- in fact if a whole gang of people- suddenly start accusing you of being a troll- well, even if you don’t know what the hell a troll is, it’s still bound to cause hurt feelings. Why? Because the way they were using this strange word, “troll,” was just dripping with venom. I thought of the old American proverb, “even a dog knows the difference between being stumbled over and being kicked.” I’m an idiot and I had no idea what a troll was, but let’s put it this way, I knew these individuals weren’t being friendly. They were hating on me.

It was exactly that- senseless and insane, shocking, unbridled hatred. Who knows where darkness like this even comes from, maybe deeply repressed conflict and anger. This is what Wikipedia says about trolls:

In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as an online discussion forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion… mass media uses troll to describe a person who defaces Internet tribute sites with the aim of causing grief to families.

Now look, you yourself read what I posted, it’s up above there- it was a wholesome, innocent message about shaving bowls. There was nothing “inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic” about it. I most certainly didn’t write it “with the aim of causing grief to families.” I wrote it because I really care, but I mean I really genuinely care. And with regard to the issue of over-priced, under-performing shaving bowls, I’m not the only one who cares! Here’s what a fellow DE shaver wrote to me personally:

I enjoyed the website content so far. I especially appreciated the comments re shaving bowls, having bought a chromed metal bowl by Muehle and suspected that the Villeroy & Boch cereal bowl that I was using previously did a better job!

Dearest Reader, if you like you can dismiss everything that I have to say, but the man who wrote me that comment above happens to be the partner of a very respected law firm here in London. This is a guy who is truly and genuinely civilized and sophisticated- I’m just the guy who’s trying to pass as an unusually cultured American man to impress some German broad at a museum. I never told him this, this law firm partner, but for me, his Villeroy & Boch bowl would have itself represented an extreme extravagance. I began mixing my lather in one of my dog’s spare water dishes- yes, it was manufactured for a small dog, but it is after all made of stainless steel.

Later on I upgraded to a big thick coffee mug which I scored for just one pound in a ghetto chain store called PoundLand. Everything in PoundLand costs just one pound and you should know that they also sell food in there. I have treated myself to many, many boxes of fresh Oreo cookies from PoundLand. Anyway that’s not it, I present to you now a second message from another fellow I know:

I invested in a stainless steel shaving bowl- massive mistake!! It retains zero heat. I guess I should have thought of this before I ordered it, but hey what can you do? I think I’ll be better off just using a mug for now.

This comment above was sent to me by another successful professional man that I know here in London. Highly refined, totally sophisticated, extremely cultured, speaks English in the most beautiful way- he is so kind and such a gentleman that in spite of the fact that he’s 100% heterosexual, women nevertheless know that they can trust him completely and they simply cherish his friendship. That’s two high caliber men right there who came out against fancy shaving bowls and scuttles, just like I had done when I posted my thread this morning on the Badger and Blade website. So even if you want to dismiss my own views based upon my lowly and questionable socio-economic background, that doesn’t mean you can do the same for those two true English gentleman that I’ve quoted up above.

When I read the vicious comments directed at me regarding my Badger and Blade post, I was simply astonished. I was sitting on a bench outside the museum waiting for the disorganized German woman to finally arrive, and a group of Italian tourists sat down next to me on the same bench. They were smoking cigarettes and I wanted to ask them for one, and suck that thing right down, even though I’m not a smoker- that’s how upset I was about this whole despicable affair on the Badger and Blade website.

I want to be perfectly honest about a couple of things that I have learned from this episode.

First of all, I’ve learned that I’ve been misspelling the word “scuttle.” It’s spelled with a “C” and not with a “K,” so that’s one thing I learned. It’s not “skuttle,” it’s “scuttle.”

Second of all, I learned that Badger and Blade should be renamed “Sissies and Stiffs.” That’s right, Sissies and Stiffs. I’m not going to do it, but somebody out there ought to purchase the domain name, Sissies and Stiffs dot com, and forward all the traffic to Badger and Blade, because at Badger and Blade, there’s a whole lot of Sissies and Stiffs running around.

Third of all, I want to say that although my entire post was soon completely deleted by the forum fascists at Badger and Blade, I did see before it was deleted that there was one man who responded to my post with a very constructive and friendly message, which unfortunately is no longer visible to anybody, not even to me. He actually welcomed me to the Badger and Blade community, pointed out to his fellow members that I had put together a lot of useful information on my Baby Butt Smooth dot com website, that I had written positive things about the Badger and Blade forum, pointed out that I was not selling anything- I mean Jesus Christ if I were trying to sell something, why would I publish a post that essentially says “DO NOT BUY EXPENSIVE SHAVING BOWLS, JUST USE A CHEAP MUG INSTEAD”? Does that sound like someone trying to sell something?

Anyway this one man wrote a truly kind message, and even though I don’t any longer have access to it, I will never in my life forget the general spirit of it- it was kind, friendly, welcoming, thoughtful and informative. The guy had obviously taken a considerable amount of time to write this message- it was much longer and infinitely more articulate than all the vicious and irrational, hideous messages that preceded it. It meant so much to me, his kind and thoughtful and welcoming message, because all along all I really wanted was to be accepted, to be accepted as a respectable member of and participant in the international Badger and Blade DE shaving community.

This one guy, and this one guy alone, was saying, “hey everybody, take it easy, give this guy a chance.” But he was the only one. Everybody else was out for blood, God only knows why, just some angry, uptight and repressed people. I’m not over here building up this Baby Butt Smooth dot com website because I’m trying to hurt anybody, am I?

Anyway- the third lesson here is, even when you encounter a whole gaggle of sissies and stiffs, which my experience this morning tells me there’s lots of over at Badger and Blade- even if a place is just swarming with sissies and stiffs, there’s still bound to be some super cool, friendly, easygoing people. People that’ll give you a chance, people that aren’t out for blood, people that aren’t trying to bitch you out and cut you down like the arrogant self-satisfied mean-spirited close-minded discontented monsters in Paris France, the worldwide energy center for this type of hostile, negative approach to life. At Badger and Blade there is at least one super cool guy, and I know this for a fact because he tried to welcome me into the DE shaving community- but his voice of kindness and reason was drowned out by the petty little creeps. That’s life, but the truth is I expected so much more from my fellow DE shavers, especially after my labor of love, the Baby Butt Smooth dot com website. Instead these jerks succeeded in making me feel like a persona non grata. Good job Badger and Blade, vicious behavior for a Sunday.

The fact that you shave- that does not make you a “man.” Unfortunately, some businesses out there, in order to push product, try playing on that tired old theme, that shaving “makes you a man- a REAL man!” Another thing: the fact that you shave with expensive high end shaving equipment- that does not make you a “gentleman.” Please allow me to present my case…

We all know that when the big consumer brands are pushing their product- their obscenely overpriced cheap plastic disposable multi-blade cartridges- they’ve always got some handsome muscular guy looking at himself in the mirror. He’s self satisfied and confident, and why wouldn’t he be- after all, he’s looking great, he’s got a perfect body, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, some hot blond is creeping up behind him, rubbing him up and down because she can’t get enough of her manly man. OK, reality check. Playing the fool and spending outrageous money on disposable crap multi-blade cartridges does NOT make you a man, it does not make you a handsome man, it does not improve your muscle tone, and it will not make you feel better about yourself. It will not boost up your virility, and it most definitely won’t cause some hot blond to appear out of nowhere and approach you for sex as you’re drying off your face, post shave. You are being manipulated. Why are you being manipulated? Because someone, somewhere, wants your money. Please, do not let yourself be manipulated.

Listen to me- I’ve made a total mess of so many things in my life, but this much I know- this overpriced junk disposable multi-blade cartridge business is a huge racket. The prices they charge for these cheap plastic disposable junk cartridges bear absolutely no relation whatsoever to how much it costs to produce these stupid disposable things. You can pay less money for a better shave by using traditional DE shaving equipment. The important point I’m trying to make though is this- as you move over to DE shaving equipment, I urge you to avoid websites and businesses that try running the same repulsive marketing techniques used by the monster consumer brands. Both play on the old “shaving makes you a REAL MAN” routine. No, it does not, and it won’t. The goal here is to enjoy shaving, to get the best shave possible, and to do so at a reasonable price. That’s it! DE shaving, and shaving in general, won’t make you a man, it won’t make me a man, and it won’t make any man anywhere a bigger, better, more manly man. Whatever it is that makes a man a real man, it sure doesn’t have a thing to do with shaving.

Now on to the second fact- that shaving will not make you a “gentleman.” By this I mean the following. I write to you, my friends, from London. However, I’m not English, I’m just one of the many many foreigners living in this great city. As a foreigner, what strikes me about London is this- they are really, really, really serious about the whole class thing here- but I mean really serious. I’m not just talking about the whole Royal Family situation- what I mean is, this whole society, or London at least, seems to take the whole class and social background thing truly and genuinely to heart. People from the “upper” classes speak differently, wear different shoes, behave differently, go to different schools… they exist in an entirely different social world. And from what I understand, you don’t, in spite of your merit, intelligence, decency, integrity, ambition, kindness, success, whatever- you don’t move up into that world. If you weren’t born into it, you’re not getting into it, period. They look down on you, and you look up at them, knowing they’re running things, and knowing they’ll never in a million years let you in- never.

Now let’s be honest, there’s rich folks everywhere, and of course there’s rich folks where I’m from, New York City. But in America, the real question is, what have YOU done? How much money have YOU made? If you’re from the gutter, but you’ve killed yourself building some business, creating something- and if you’ve made big bucks in the process- well you’re in! You are officially accepted into the club of the elites. Not so in England. In England there’s a deeply stratified system that was built centuries ago and is maintained today, whose goal is to keep most people out, no matter who they are or what they’ve accomplished. England is really exclusive, and I mean real deal!

The other day I went to the mall to see a movie. Guess what, the movie theater- I’m not talking about some special movie theater, and I’m not talking about the opera here- a movie theater in a MALL- had a VIP seating section. If you pay more money, you get the best seats in the house, not just in terms of the location of those seats, but the seats themselves- they’re leather, more comfortable, and each is clearly marked, “VIP.”

Personally I don’t give a rat’s ass about this VIP section because I’m a value shopper, and I’m happy with a good seat at a reasonable price. I’m not LOOKING to spend more money in my life, I am looking for value. But what’s important here is that this VIP section- in a movie theater for God’s sake- is just another example of this whole stratified system they’ve got going on here in London. In New York City, like I said, you’ve got rich people, you’ve got poor, and you’ve got people in between. But when the three classes go see a movie together, the seat you get depends on when YOU ARRIVED AT THE MOVIE THEATER. If you break your ass and get there early, you’ll get the seat of your choice- in a good row, not too far from the screen, not too close, in the center of the theater- or in the back of the theater if you’re with a date and you’re looking to cop a feel- the point is, there ain’t no special VIP section. ALL the seats are available for ALL the people, and who gets what seat depends on what YOU DO, how well YOU have planned YOUR evening. Now maybe New York, and America generally, will soon follow this class based system they’re running in the UK, but for the time being, I believe if you tried implementing this VIP seating section in a New York City theater, homeboys wouldn’t hesitate to slash the leather seats and throw popcorn at the people sitting in them. New Yorkers would be EMBARRASSED to be caught sitting in these seats. In New York City you’d pay more money to NOT be sitting in these seats, based on the potential liabilities involved.

The point of all this- some folks seem to believe that if they shave with overpriced shaving gear, it makes them fancier, more special people. News flash- it does not! It just means you spent more money on your shaving equipment than you had to, and handed over some excess amount of your cash to some stranger you don’t know, for no good reason. I am not talking about the obscenely overpriced cheap plastic disposable cartridges, what I’m talking about now are DE shaving products that are excessively and unnecessarily fancy and overpriced. Don’t spend more than you have to! Please, do NOT spend more than you have to!

When you see a website or a store putting on this whole jive routine that if you buy your DE shaving stuff from them, it’ll make you a GENTLEman- no, it will not, and this is ridiculous!!! Shaving is about shaving, it’s not about class, status, refinement, wealth, privilege, culture, pedigree or breeding. When you see some website that’s using fancy old fashioned script, selling shiny silver bowls, ridiculously overblown and overpriced skuttles, maybe some pictures of English gentlemen going fox hunting- OK, I haven’t seen pictures of the fox hunting yet but you know what I mean- if you see these signs of manipulation, then don’t walk away, rather turn around and RUN in the opposite direction.

In conclusion, shaving will NOT make you a man, and shaving will NOT make you a gentleman. Shaving is just something we as men have to do, so we may as well enjoy it, and enjoy it with good quality equipment sold at a reasonable price. Never mind “manliness” and never mind “gentlemanliness,” please don’t fall in for that crap, it’s just a sign that someone’s after your money. Please don’t give it to them. Your money deserves better and you deserve better.

Once again I find that the very best and most appropriate way for me to impart my thoughts, feelings and ideas on DE shaving, is to share with you some correspondence between myself and a good DE shaving friend named Oliver. Oliver is the individual who deserves the credit for waking me up to Feather razor blades from Japan. He’s also the one who, as you will see below, deserves the credit for inspiring me to take the next step in DE shaving- the Merkur 37C Slantbar DE razor. I’m not there yet but I’m on my way, and I have Oliver to thank for this…

Dear Oliver,

It was very nice seeing you yesterday- thank you very much for inviting me.

I would like to follow up on the things we discussed concerning shaving. You asked me about the Feather blades. The Feathers are not nearly as cheap as the Derby’s- in the UK the Feathers cost £22.80 for 100 Feather blades, so about 23 pence per blade, making them more than twice as expensive as the Derby’s

Given what you said about the Feathers, I find that I’m torn.  One of the main reasons I went with a box of 100 Derby’s is because (1) I’m truly a value shopper and the Derby’s really are cheap, and (2) I had read reviews saying that the Derby’s were not the sharpest, but that for this particular reason, they made an excellent choice for rank amateurs.

Now, after hearing from you about the Feathers, I am deeply intrigued.  I wish I hadn’t purchased so many Derby’s.  I would feel very guilty about purchasing more blades at this time when more blades isn’t something I technically need.  Of course I somehow don’t feel the same guilt when I’ve had three or four pints of Guinness and I’m considering ordering another pint, when more Guinness isn’t something I technically need.  Maybe I should bring the heavy beer drinking and Feather blade shopping together into one simultaneous event.

I got some free Feather blades some time back when I ordered some shaving cream online, but I never used them. Anyway, based upon what you said about the Feathers, I am just terribly excited.  I am going to use one of my free Feather blades today for the very first time.  If the shave with the Feather blade is extraordinary, I’ll probably end up jumping in and buying a goddamn batch of Feathers, in spite of how many Derby blades I’ve got squirreled away.  Maybe I should post a message on the Badger and Blade website and offer some Derby blades for free to a wet shaving newbie.  They even have an acronym for this on the Badger and Blade website- from the Badger and Blade Abbreviation Page: “PIF: Pay It Forward.  Rather than ‘paying it back’ to older members, paying it forward means giving away shaving equipment to newbies.”  By offering some Derby blades to a newbie I’d be on my way to becoming a known and respected member of the Badger and Blade community.

I know that you have a set of post shaving products that you use, a combination of treatments and oils, except that it did seem from the way you described it that you felt that one or more of your post-shaving products could possibly/potentially be dropped and the routine simplified- only you’re not sure yet which product would/should be the one to disappear.  And you also told me that you use an oil as a pre-shave base.  However, since you did say that you enjoyed the refreshing scent of menthol, I would like to recommend that you give the Proraso PRE-shave cream a try.  The smaller size (100 ml) comes in glass jar; you can also find the same product in a large tub (500 ml), but I urge you to try out the smaller size first, before committing yourself to a large quantity.  That’s the whole problem I’m having now with these Derby’s, I’m drowning in brand new Derby blades and I really want to get down with some Feathers.

With respect to the Proraso pre-shave cream, I find that the following sequence works well, at least for me:

• run hot water into your shaving bowl or thick heavy tea/coffee mug (the mug will retain heat longer than a thin metal bowl)
• while the mug is getting warm, apply the Proraso pre-shave cream to your face and really work it into your beard, using your hand, not the brush; while you’re doing this, the mug is getting hot
• now dump the hot water out of the mug
• now squeeze some Proraso shaving cream into the mug, and with your brush, work up a good lather
• while you’re busy creating the lather, the Proraso pre-shave cream has the opportunity to absorb into your skin and soften your beard, prepping you for the shave
• when you’re done mixing up the lather, apply the lather and start your first pass.

Maybe you’re already doing something like this but in any case I thought I would share. Have a great weekend Oliver.

Kind regards,

Phil

Oliver wrote me back.

Dear Phil,

It was- as always- great seeing you on Friday. Thank you so much for your message and the invaluable tips!

I invested in a stainless steel shaving bowl- massive mistake!! It retains zero heat. I guess I should have thought of this before I ordered it, but hey what can you do? I think I’ll be better off just using a mug for now.

Let me ask: how did it go with the Feather? Did you find it a sharper blade? Did you find it sharper to a degree that would warrant paying the premium for them? I would be interested to hear your thoughts on this. These Feathers are “Titanium Coated” (at least that is what it says on the packet) and I would be surprised if you did not “feel” that they are sharper than other blades. I understand EXACTLY the dilemma you now find yourself in, but why not keep the Derby’s and purchase the Feathers, and use them both. One week the Derby, the other week the Feather. You’ll have the best of both worlds! Oh and don’t worry about earning the respect in the Badger and Blade community. You’re already en route to becoming a legend! I was speaking to a friend yesterday to whom I had passed on your initial email. He told me he forwarded the email on to his boss who has again been spreading the news further. It really seems like you have tapped into an issue that many many guys grapple with.

Phil, have a great week!

Oliver

I wrote back to Oliver:

Dear Oliver,

You asked me about my experience with the Feathers.  I used a Feather for the first time on Saturday. I don’t think I ever want to use any other blade ever again.  I have in my possession five Feathers, four of them brand new and the fifth which I loaded into my Merkur 34C on Saturday.  When this modest inventory is exhausted I’ll be buying more Feathers, to hell with my 90+ brand new Derby’s.  The Derby’s are fine but life is short.  Oliver, you really planted a seed in my head when you started talking about these Feathers on Friday.  About my Feather experience on Saturday, which you inspired- it got me thinking about so many different things.  I was astounded that all this time I’d actually had in my possession a brand new sealed pack of five Feather blades, and that I just hadn’t used them. I also had two Timor blades (German, from Solingen) that were given to me as a friendly gesture when I visited a local shop that sells DE shaving products.  I was speaking with the owner at great length about all sorts of DE shaving things (while my wife was falling asleep) and he gave me the two German blades to thank me for my visit (or to thank me for my departure).

The truth is that I hadn’t really forgotten about those Five Feathers, or the two Timors, but that fundamentally, I didn’t WANT to know if they were better.  I was so deeply invested in the Derby’s that I was deliberately closing myself off.

Anyway back to the Feathers- yes, the Feathers are more expensive, and the question is, are they worth the premium when compared to the Derby’s.  Look, the Derby’s are about 10 pence a blade, and the Feathers are about 23 pence a blade.  That is a big relative difference.  However, in my opinion, a Feather blade will give you much more than twice the pleasure of a Derby blade; with the Feather blade you really are using the sharpest blade out there, which is obvious while you’re using it; and while shaving, and after the shave is done, you’ll have that feeling, that pleasant awareness, that you’re using the very best, that you’re treating yourself to the sharpest blades available, no compromise and no questions asked.  However, let’s for one moment shift the scope of this analysis to absolute terms: that 23 pence blade will give you at least three or four simply heavenly shaving experiences, which means you’re paying less than 8 pence for each highly pleasurable shave.  Isn’t that experience worth 8 pence and in fact much much more?  And back again to relative terms; 23 pence a blade is still a pittance compared to what unsuspecting men everywhere continue paying for their jive ass disposable multi-blade cartridge junk, the most dastardly scam ever perpetrated in the history of Western capitalism.

Still reeling from my first transcendental Feather experience on Saturday, all thanks to you, my mind went back in time to the wide ranging conversation we had had previously- I tried combing through every word you said to see if you might have imparted some additional pearls of wisdom, because, after all, the Feather reference you made almost completely sailed over my head.  In spite of the reduced functioning of my Guinness soaked brain, I was somehow able to vaguely recollect that you had mentioned- very much in passing- something about the “Slant Bar.”  I decided on Sunday to look into this Slant Bar that you had so casually mentioned.  I started at the Badger and Blade website and continued the investigation on other websites.  I also consulted a very highly regarded book that I recently acquired on DE shaving called “Leisureguy’s Guide to Gourmet Shaving, Fifth Edition: Shaving Made Enjoyable.”

This is a book which I simply cannot recommend highly enough. Yes that is correct, several weeks ago I did order this book and I did have it shipped to me all the way to London from the USA, but I am so happy that I did; the very first chapter crystallizes in quite an extraordinary way the entire essence of this DE shaving adventure and odyssey, the reasons why it’s so uniquely exciting and fun.  That introductory chapter is like a heartfelt manifesto, highly articulate and at the same time totally unpretentious, an intelligent decent man explaining to anyone who is interested what this DE shaving thing is really all about.  Of course the book is also filled with practical information as well, and I quote now from page 64:

“When experienced shavers were polled to find the razor that they would recommend for the novice, the HD [that’s the one we have, the Merkur 34C] was by far the preferred ‘starter razor’… On the other hand… no one [the author added italics here, to ‘no one’] recommended that a novice start with a Slant Bar… I recommend you try the Slant Bar only after you’re getting consistently good shaves with your current safety razor- that is, your technique, maintaining the correct pressure and angle, is solid.  Once your technique is polished, you can move to a new level of ease and closeness by using a Slant Bar… In my opinion, it should be your second razor… the Slant Bar is an amazing razor…”

Moving on over to page 110, in the section that’s titled, “Your second razor”:

“Regardless of your first razor, I recommend that your second razor be the Merkur Slant Bar.  It should be a second razor because it requires a light touch and a sure hand, so you should be experienced with a safety razor before using it.  The Slant Bar with a sharp blade is the ideal tool if you have a thick, wiry beard and sensitive skin.  It will not give closer shaves than an excellent straight bar, in my experience, but it’s a different shave [it’s not closer, but it’s different???? different how???????].  A recent poll on ShaveMyFace.com indicated that a majority of those who had used both the Merkur HD and Slant Bar razors thought the Slant Bar was better, and only a small minority thought the HD was better.  In all, 88% thought that the Slant Bar was better than or as good as the HD.”

Oliver that’s it, for me it’s now full speed ahead.  I will soon be combining the legendary sharpness of the Feather with the solid quality and innovative design of the Merkur Slant Bar 37C.

I am currently in the running for a consulting job here in London. I made it through three separate rounds of interviews and I’m hoping that the fourth round will prove to be more of a formality than a true screening process- but in any case as soon as I get my first paycheck, whether from this consulting job or from other work, I will buy this Slant Bar 37C and a bunch of Feathers.  I hope that paycheck comes before my five Feathers run out.  In the interim I will do my best to perfect my technique on the 34C, so that I am adequately prepared for this next stage that I am getting ready to enter into.

I am certain that your stainless steel shaving bowl is beautiful, so please enjoy it.  Maybe during the summer months, warm lather won’t hold the same appeal as it does in the colder seasons, and so your stainless steel bowl will suit your needs perfectly during those more temperate days.  Regarding the thick tea/coffee mug I spoke of earlier, it only cost me one pound over at Pound Land so while the scuttle you saw might be wondrous to use, the heavy tea/coffee mug is still quite a nice and inexpensive alternative.

Kind regards,

Phil

Here is where you can buy the Merkur 37C Slant Bar Razor, and Feather Blades:

What it comes down to is this- a hard soap, in its natural state, is hard and dry. A cream is, well, moist and creamy! Like the luscious vanilla frosting on a home baked cake. What would you rather smear all over your face, some hard dry thing? Or something luscious, sweet and creamy? I like the icing. All kidding aside, I truly believe that the creams are less drying than the soaps. I find that after using a hard soap, my skin feels somewhat dryer, and a little tight. With the Proraso cream, I don’t get that dry, tight feeling. Maybe it’s just me, or the way I was creating lather from the hard soaps- I don’t know. Anyway, what I use now is the Proraso cream. Italian.

And the Merkur 34C DE razor- well obviously that’s German, German all the way; it’s like a heavy metal Mercedes-Benz automobile, solid, and high quality.

OK, Italian shaving cream. German DE razor.

Now lets get to the blades. The blades I used to use when I was a rank amateur were the Derby blades. They come from Turkey. When I was five years old my insane father took me to see “Midnight Express,” which traumatized me for about two decades, but eventually I got over it. The thing that really allowed me to recover from the Turkey trauma was my extended visit to Istanbul, Ankara, Cappadocia and Kas. Surprise surprise, Turkey is a beautiful country, with wonderfully friendly people- not at all like the people in “Midnight Express”- and it’s a nation that’s actually going somewhere, unlike Greece for instance. Those Derby blades from Turkey are just great, and they’re priced to move, that’s for sure.

However- I then spoke with a friend of mine named Oliver, who asked me if I’d ever used Feather brand blades. I write more on this topic of Feather blades in a different blog post, the Merkur 37C Slant Bar Razor and Feather Blades blog post. But suffice it to say that after trying the Feathers, I’ll never go back to Derby. I love Turkey but Feathers are just way, way out, unimaginably sharp, and they keep that edge. Where do Feathers come from? Japan. They’re Japanese.

Germany, the Merkur 34C DE razor. Italy, the Proraso cream. Japan, the Feather blades. Germany, Italy and Japan. I consider these nations to constitute the new Axis Powers of DE Shaving, and I am absolutely convinced they are unbeatable. I invite you to tell me exactly who is going to go up against this unbelievably powerful Tripartite.

Back then a solid, shiny, quality engineered heavy metal razor was something absolutely and perfectly normal- you just took it for granted. Nowadays we’re programmed by television commercials to use cheap disposable overpriced junk- and that mind control racket really does work, it’s highly effective, and most of us men are totally bought in.

I consider DE shaving to be one small, modest way of saying “NO!”

Fine, the whole system’s rotten to the core, broken beyond repair, hopelessly messed up and impossible to ever redeem- but I can live with all that. What I don’t want is to start every single morning of the rest of my life being reminded of it, this monstrous scam we’re living in- and paying huge senseless money for the privilege of being reminded. I’m talking right now about these crooked and insanely overpriced disposable multi-blade cartridges.

Keep things simple and use a regular old mug. You’ve probably already got one in the house. If you don’t, buy a cheap one, preferably a nice thick heavy one- the thicker the mug, the more heat it will retain, helping you to keep your lather luscious and warm. In fact, a nice thick mug will actually retain heat much longer and better than those expensive, metal shaving bowls that are making the rounds. What’s really nice too are those jumbo mugs, which are almost like small soup bowls with a handle on them. You know, a regular jumbo mug. Those are ideal, and inexpensive.

On this subject of shaving bowls, I would like to propose the following shaving sequence, which is the system I’ve been using lately. This routine requires:

• a DE razor
• a brush
• a REGULAR mug (not some crazy bowl or skuttle)
• shaving cream or shaving soap, whichever you prefer
• also, Proraso’s excellent Pre Shave Cream, which I think is fantastic. You need so little of it for each shave, so a tiny jar goes a long way. It’s not overly expensive, it really improves my shave, and I’ve just become a big fan of it lately.

OK, so here’s the routine, which I believe should be followed in this exact order, in this sequence:

1. run hot water into your thick heavy tea/coffee mug
2. while the hot water is running into your mug and making it warm, apply the Proraso pre-shave cream to your face, and really work it into your beard; use your hand, not the brush; while you’re doing this, the mug is getting hot
3. now dump the hot water out of the mug
4. now squeeze some Proraso shaving cream into the mug, and with your brush, work up a nice silky lather (or use your hard shaving soap to work up a lather)
5. while you’re busy creating the lather, the Proraso pre-shave cream has the opportunity to absorb into your skin and soften your beard, prepping you for the shave; should this really count as an action step in this sequence, since it’s happening all by itself, without your involvement?
6. when you’re done mixing up the lather, apply the lather and start your first pass.

I’m getting excited just thinking about it. I know that the above steps seem ridiculously obvious, but I like how stuff is happening while other stuff is happening. The mug is getting warm while you rub the Proraso pre-shave cream in; the Proraso pre-shave cream is absorbing while you’re creating the lather; it makes sense, you know- it’s all logical.