LOVE

ladders & eye contact

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Wed, 01 Jan 2014 08:54:00 +0000

She goes up the ladder. Turns around. Makes eye contact. Gets to the top, turns, makes eye contact. Gives a big grin.

If my eyes do not meet her's I hear, "mum, watch me!". Eye contact, of course, must be made at all times. I give her a thumbs up. She smiles. Comes down the slide. Runs to me.

I take her in my arms. She tells me that she did it!

On other occasions she runs to my arms to say that she couldn't. Currently, her most common sentence (to me) is "I can try." And certainly she can. I think she is learning independence, but mostly I'm learning to trust and that she can do an awful lot.

Regardless of age most of us feel this. Just at some point we don't have the courage to command "watch me!" or to ask someone to have our back or to give a smile or a thumbs-up every once in awhile. And we tend to resist running to supportive arms to say "I did it!" or "I couldn't". But we all need it.

Merry Christmas {2013}

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Wed, 25 Dec 2013 21:42:00 +0000

It is boxing day here, 26th of December. I sit in a quiet living room, surrounded by a few unfinished projects from Christmas toys and a book I will get to sit and read and probably finish today (!!!). Clint is out running a couple quick errands with the girls. He's getting ready to watch the cricket game (all afternoon). We've had a simple breakfast. We've said good bye (Tschüss) to German tourist who stayed the night. And I'm sipping some coffee.

It's been a good Christmas. Our first Christmas eve service as a new church, a celebration of Emmanuel. An amazing story.

We started off Christmas day with our special breakfast - coffee, eggs, pancakes, bacon. Skyped with family, went through the Christmas story, shared day 25 of our "musing garland", opened up gifts and stockings.

We gathered with friends for lunch. Hosted by sweet friends of ours - with lots of people we hadn't met, others that we'd invited. All in all, there were about 6 different nationalities represented. We feasted, talked, played, and headed home.

Friends came to our house for a simple dinner together, kids played. A relaxed evening. We finished off the day in our living room, chatting with new friends from Germany who had come to church last Sunday. Other friends from church had invited them on their Christmas day, they came to ours in the evening, and ended up sleeping on our futon instead of in their van.

Today we look forward to relaxing, reading, playing, being together, and more skyping with family. It will be a good day.

I'm thinking of many of you - thankful for family and friends across the world. Thankful to journey together, whether near or far. Whether Christmas day is completed or you're in the middle of it, Merry Christmas from our family to yours. We hope for peace, joy and love in the year ahead.

Much love to you!!!

The Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Sun, 08 Dec 2013 01:26:00 +0000

It doesn't feel like these pictures should go together.

In one part of my mind it's summer.

In another part, it is Christmas.

They do not go together.

But they do, here (and everywhere else in the southern hemisphere).

The other day I walked into a store. On one side of the aisle were Christmas trees and decorations. On the other side were bathing suits. It may take me another year or 2 to get used to this.

And so this weekend we had a bit of both.

Summer - kiddie pools, the beach, fish and chips (may I add terrible allergies/hay fever!).

Christmas - tree, lights, presents, stockings.

Definitely lots of excitement all around, for both summer and Christmas.

Wellington

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Thu, 05 Dec 2013 02:58:00 +0000

A birthday treat (I know, what an an amazing birthday!!!)
cheap airfares
a few airpoints
a sweet friend who quickly said yes to watching the girls...

A plane ride, just as adults
a favourite cafe
a sunny 24 hours
feet in water
lots of walking
lots of eating
a bit of reading
talking
being together
and being away.

2 weeks ago feels so far away now ;)

Surprises!

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Mon, 25 Nov 2013 08:03:00 +0000

My dad surprised me and brought my sister with him to NZ (from the States!). Best surprise ever!

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Thu, 21 Nov 2013 20:59:00 +0000

Today Iris and I stopped at a newer-to-us playground before meeting a friend for coffee.

She was almost to the top of the ladder when she called out for help. Slightly afraid, two steps from the top.

I put my hand gently on her back. She didn't actually need help. She really just needed a bit of courage. She didn't need me to help her, she needed to know that I believed she could do it.

Today this hit me in a few different ways. The power of having a hand, gently on your back; a person who believes that you can accomplish the task at hand, who gives you that confidence just at the time when you are so close but also slightly afraid that you might not make it.

32

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Tue, 12 Nov 2013 07:39:00 +0000

Last night Evee made and wrote a card for me. She was worried she wouldn't have time today with school and all. She followed up by writing a message on her hand. She did not want to forget.

This morning I heard her tell Clint that she did not want to wake me since it was my birthday. I love her.

On this day, my birthday...

// I awoke to a sweet overseas text
// Continued to get sweet messages throughout the day
// Am amazed by all the truly beautiful people in my life and those I get to call friends
// Am thankful for birthday gatherings that have gone and that will come
// Am still amazed that my sister could join in on some of the festivity (!!!)
// Was greeted with flowers and chocolate on my desk at work and encouragement from co-workers
// Sat and did whatever I wanted while dinner was made and cleared without any help from me
// Shared cupcakes with 2 very excited girls
// Finished off watching a dancing show - one fairly serious dancer and one very silly dancer
// Sit quietly tonight - a bit of crochet, a bit of reading, a bit of relaxing
// Anticipate more birthday excitement - a one night getaway with Clint (!!!!!)

Some years seem to sound too old or feel young, but this year 32 seems just right.

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Tue, 29 Oct 2013 09:49:00 +0000

I open the car door, sit down, take a moment to breath. There is a bit of peace in this moment alone. My head spins, but doesn't settle.

I turn on music, trying to drown out a bit of the ramble in my head. A bit of all that needs to get done, but more so the heaviness of the morning. Learning new names, a new group, new stories. Hearing of rape and abuse and lack of dreams. And the normality of how it was shared.

The music doesn't help. I let the morning play through in my head.

I think of the next group, the one tonight, and the heaviness goes deeper. I think of the Bible passage where Jesus is weeping over the city of Jerusalem. I can only imagine. I think of the bit of sorrow I carry as I walk along side a few. I can't imagine knowing the full extent of hurt, of hell, that goes on in the world. What must that sorrow be like?

I pick up the girls from kindy and school; hold them close.

I sat with a friend this afternoon. Sat down to coffee. She put out afternoon tea for the kids. We talked deep and we talked surface. I'm sure she doesn't realize the sweetness it was for my soul.

Clint got home. Passing over of kids, dinner, evening responsibilities. He held me as I cried. I headed out to the next group. I pray for grace.

The day was heavy, and yet there was encouragement, some surprises tonight. Some of the conversations of today seem to continue in despair - problems to big, patterns too hard to change. And yet, there are glimpses of hope, new found truths, the trying of new strategies.

As this day draws to a close, I'm amazed how beauty and sorrow, rejoicing and mourning, can go hand and hand.

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Sun, 20 Oct 2013 08:41:00 +0000

This afternoon the girls and I walked the beach. The weather is getting nicer every day. My feet have been longing to feel the sand for awhile now. It was nice to finally make that happen.

Back are the days of shoveling sand, running from waves and collecting shells. We are happy. I am dreaming of regular visits and plotting how to make them happen.

Today as I sat on the blanket - my feet in the sand, my eyes going from the pages of my book to checking on the girls as they happily played - my mind cleared a bit.

My mind has been in a funk the last couple of weeks. Not really sure how else to put it. Do you know what I mean? Like while certain thoughts have been triggered by something trivial, they linger and you realize there is something deeper going on inside. It took me a bit to actually get to the core, work through it and come out the other side. Not sure I'm there yet, but I'm surfacing.

Tonight I bake. Clint reads and writes. I find my thoughts going to gratitude. I'm thankful for this shift. And there is so much to be thankful for. Thankfulness was the kids' lesson we taught this morning at church. It has stayed with me all day.

And tonight I'm finding that in gratitude I find joy. In gratitude I find provision. In gratitude I find peace.

Good night friends.

Spring

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Thu, 19 Sep 2013 01:44:00 +0000

The sunshine is flooding into our house. Clothes will dry on the line outside, even though they didn't go out first thing this morning. We are having salad for dinners. Cucumber prices are starting to come down. Seedlings are sprouting. Days are getting longer.

Happy start to Spring!

Tuesdays

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Tue, 17 Sep 2013 05:37:00 +0000

Tuesday tends to be my heavier day at work. The group that comes together, that I sole facilitate, is three hours long. I love it, I love it. But it delves deep into family upbringing, desire for change, why we parent how we do and if we're happy with what we've come up with. Most young parents in the group say that they cannot think of any parent that they'd like to model after. Most have childhoods that would make you cry. It would be easier to start from scratch. We start from negative.

And, then tonight starts our second eight week session for the suicide bereavement group. I'm still amazed that we are up and running. So many times last year I gave it back to God and each time a door opened. Here we are, starting with the second group of people.

And so will be my Tuesdays for the next wee while. Heavy but hopeful. Change is small, but so big within its context.

On this tiring day, I am thankful for Clint. Bathing the girls as I head out the door. I am thankful for Spring and the seedlings starting to come through the dirt in a sunny area of our house. I'm thankful that there is community to process the hardness of life - like death and negative up-bringings.

And I will choose to see and champion every bit of growth, healing and change that takes place.

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Tue, 27 Aug 2013 09:03:00 +0000

So many blog post written in my head. In the mix of days, they are not getting from my head to my fingers on a keyboard.

I looked back on past post, namely the post of January, 2012 when first we moved here to Christchurch. And I wonder when I stopped posting as regularly. No reason is good enough.

Bits that I would have like to have gotten from head to keyboard recently

// the sweetness that occurred before going to the States. We had friends that took our kids so we could have a night out, a friend that brought a meal over and offered to come clean my house. Clean my house! And those at my job who so wonderfully allowed me the time, with no strings attached.

// the great anticipation I felt before we left (and still feel) with all that's happening with those who make up The Well. God is so moving. Sometimes it's subtle, sometimes not. I am excited and grateful.

// going to the States! Goodness, it's hard to believe we went and came back already! It was a gift. I got to see so many of the amazing, beautiful people in our lives. I was amazed at the people that I got to touch in with. And I went away from each encounter ever so thankful for the wonderful people in my life. I do not take you for granted.

// AND my parents will be here in 10 days! Here! My parents!

// coming home! With each good-bye there are sweet hellos as well. It was good to get back to Christchurch, catch up with friends and work and life. We are blessed all around.

// hope
// Hearing from friends who have recently experienced amazing loss, the hope they know and the reality of peace that they are experiencing in the midst of pain
// Having a dear 80 year old man at our dinner table sharing his thoughts on death while his sweet wife is recovering from another stroke. Amazing conversation.
// Recent experiences of praying and seeing healing take place

We have such hope friends!!! Unfading, peace-giving hope that does not disappoint. And this is what I feel tonight and what sums up this post. Thankful for hope.

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Tue, 14 May 2013 11:13:00 +0000

There are times in life when a person comes along side of you, helps you in a time of need, carries your load with you.

There are other times when the things you carry are all your own. Even if that person came along, there would be no way to let go of the burdens.

Sometimes in those moments, the only option is to be carried. Maybe nothing can be taken or carried with, but someone can hold you while you keep everything in motion.

That was last week for me. A few things starting, a bit of extra, a bit of planning and figuring out. And it was mine to carry and it was Clint who carried me.

And I am fully aware that the week wouldn't have been what it was without the listening, words of belief, encouragement and extra holding. I am thankful.

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Sun, 05 May 2013 07:49:00 +0000

I turned to look back as I walked out their bedroom door. Clint was leaning over Evee, whispering good-night, pushing the hair out of her face, kissing her forehead... having just done the same to Iris.

As I walked out a picture flicked through my head... My own dad leaning over my bed. One morning, in the hours before I normally woke, I remember waking to a gentle weight on my back, the hand of my father, and to flickers of words, my father's prayers over me.

I remember looking up, seeing him knelt beside me, his soft smile and whisper telling me to go back to sleep. And I did, with such peace in my soul.

I can't tell you whether this happened once or over a number of mornings. I don't know how long he was there on that particular day, what season it was, what else was happening in my life, or how old I was at the time.

All I know is that one morning, probably 25 plus years ago, I woke to my father whispering his prayers over me.

I hold this to my heart.
I carry it with me
as we continue our own journey of parent our little ones...
remembering that it is often what we do when no one is watching that matters.

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 11:37:00 +0000

Today I sit at my favourite cafe. I debate how I should spell favourite/favorite when I write that line (as I do mum and mom).

I think back to writing sentimental posts about my Saturday morning places in Princeton over a year ago.

And now here I sit.

As I stood in line at the counter this morning a girl on the other side asked if I was here for "my" veggie sandwich... the one she'd suggested I get months ago. The sandwich we'd bonded over.

The girl who took my order asked if this was my morning alone. Yes it is, I said with a smile. I'd forgotten that we'd talked about that awhile ago.

I know exactly what I will order and where I will sit. I can pick out the locals from the tourist. I know the man sitting at the bench is one of the owners and not a customer. I know and love the quote by the bike rack. I read it every time.

And it feels like home.

And not of course because of this moment only, but the collections of moments over the last year and a half. //The ladies I sat around the table with last night... almost one year exactly of sharing our stories, laughing, living out pain and joy together. Letting each other in a bit more as the days go by.

//And the job I took and started this past week, back into social work. That feels like going home in a way to something known and familiar.

//And the suicide bereavement group that will start in just over a week from now. And, although it is somewhat new territory, it's another way that we, as a church, are putting our roots deep into the soil of our community and that feels like home.

I could go on and on, the way any of us could about our own communities that we deeply love.

I guess all to say that today I feel very blessed to have multiple places in the world to call home, that truly feel "home".

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 08:49:00 +0000

Hello friends!

Where we're at
and gratitude:
:: We've moved house!
:: So many beautiful people helped us move, brought meals, watched our kids, helped us pack, and cleaned. Really, I was amazed.
:: Change always takes me a second to process. I wasn't certain about our new house, but one week in and I'm loving it. It seems to be just perfect for this season.
:: And as crazy as this week of unpacking and settling in has been, there have been amazing moments of processing faith over meals and friends sitting around in our unpacked living room and many cups of tea. I'm so thankful.
:: Evee turns 6 next month. 6! Can I just say I love the 5 year old age? She is a joy. Tonight, with Clint out and Iris to bed early, we had a girls night. She is a delight to hang out with.
:: Iris is all her own. Lots of laughter (and, at 2 years old, lots of tears).
:: Iris is full on into dress up. Not like Evee was with wearing dresses all the time, but actually dressing up in costume type clothes. I'm pretty sure her daily goal is to be in a princess or ballerina outfit as much as possible. She does pretty well.
:: This past week Clint, Iris and I went to visit some friends that have just under 50 years on us. There is something so peaceful about being with them. I hope that as I age I become more and more gracious, steady and encouraging.
:: We have another new niece! So many little people in our families that I am longing to meet!
:: And the last picture above - our happy faces at sweet blessings that came this week through papa & grandma (my parents). Learning more about God's goodness, love and gifts through them.

Much love to you all as you go about your days... May we find joy and peace.

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 06:17:00 +0000

This is our current "say cheese" face. A very update picture, taken tonight. Evee is out with a friend. They will come back to our place for a sleepover tonight. We're already at that stage.

Where we are:
It's been a month since I last posted. What's happened to me friends?
We've had my sweet friend Regina for 3 weeks and her brother for almost one week. It was wonderful to have them.
We found out that our house that we rent is being sold and that we need to move. Just this week we've also found a new place to live. We move in 2 weeks. Crazy!
At the playground tonight, a lady we didn't know asked if we'd keep an eye on her daughter while she went to the end of the block to grab their fish & chips. I don't know... just thought it was interesting.

My next post will be on gratitude and thankfulness. I have been thinking a lot about that today and the need I have to bring that attitude back into my life more habitually.

Hope you are well friends.

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 09:38:00 +0000

The girls and I headed to a bay earlier this week to camp with friends. We joined my brave friend who considered camping with her two little ones and me and my two littles no biggie... so we were happy to go along :).

And truly, it was easy. Granted, we joined them along the way since we had things on the schedule all ready. So we didn't even have to set up a tent! I guess I shouldn't say it was easy...

We had two days hanging out on the beach, exploring a bit, an early morning walk on the beach as both Evee and Iris were awake, and hanging out with friends.

The hills go right into the ocean. New Zealand is unbelievably beautiful. I will say this again and again.

Then we headed back home to get ready for Evee's first day back to school for the year. Lots of excitement here this week.

Hope you are all well...

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 09:59:00 +0000

Pictures in no good order:
:: We went to the Botanic Gardens for the kids part in the Buskers Festival today. Clint got asked to hold a ladder on stage ;). It was fun to go together.
:: We are preparing for school starting next week (!!!). Evee's excited. We will treasure this last week.
:: She is a beauty. Seriously a joy to be around.
:: The confident scooter and bike riding are changing my life. The walk to and from school is going to be a breeze!
:: Clint & Evee watching the act today. Sweetness.
:: Iris on a non-baby swing going high. She is growing up. She is funny and wonderful.
:: And a picture Iris took. Just because I'm not often in the pictures :).

Hello again friends

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 10:21:00 +0000

I'm really not sure what happened. Somewhere along the better half of 2012 I stopped regular blogging. To be true, I'm not sure why. There have been other good things filling my time on the computer - projects that I started and continue to work on, researching and starting to address community needs. Blogging went on the back burner.

Clint and I took a day in the first week of January to reflect. 2012 has been an interesting year. So many changes, transitions, milestones - 10 years of marriage, a huge adventure as a family, Evee starting school, the groundwork for planting a church, getting deeply involved with things within our community, amazing relationships. Beautiful, wonderful things.

We are also so happy to have 2012 "in the books" (as Clint would say). There have been some really difficult moments and seasons in the last 12 months. There have been numerous lessons learned and I can already see wonderful things that have come out of that tougher year. I am truly excited about this year that we are in. And so very hopeful.

And so, blogging. In the midst of everything, I long to keep this space what it has been... little snippets, a collection of our days. I've been thinking this for a couple weeks now, but had a gentle nudge from a friend today (thank you).

So here I am. No apology, no promises. But in hope.

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Sat, 08 Dec 2012 05:10:00 +0000

{I wrote this post on November 27th, only to post it now}

Today Iris is playing elsewhere. The weekend - everything from hosting a baby shower, going to a wedding, hosting Thanksgiving for a number of families and heading for a short bit back to the wedding reception, all in one day, to having our second preview service - has come and gone.

I find myself (using a gift card from my birthday!), sitting down to eggs benny and a great cup of coffee.

It is hard to journal while you eat, so I get somewhat caught up on blogs. Namely my brothers.

I sit at my table alone and cry. Happy, sad, all together.

We've started an informal grief group for those who have lost someone to suicide. After this post a few people contacted us, looking for a group. For now, we've started to gather informally.

I find it interesting to be in this place of facilitating, empathizing, but not having experienced. When I give it thought I know I do it for my friend. My friend who lost her partner.

I believe that people who have experienced such loss should be able to have one place in their lives where they come and all that they are feeling and experiencing is normal. Especially when they so often feel abnormal in the rest of their lives.

As I sit and listen to the group, though, I also wonder if I do it a bit for myself.

Last night in the sharing my mind went to Josh and Kari losing Margot. I hear them in my head. Their story of loss and grief. And, somehow, sitting in a group of grief I feel connected to them. Grief is an interesting thing.

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 08:34:00 +0000

Friends! We are well in to November now! Wow.

Hope you are well!

A recap in pictures of the last 2-3 weeks as follows...

Evee had a school disco. She wore dress up :).
Celebrated a dear friend
Evee and Iris, just in general...
Friends from New Jersey were here. Jonathan went to school with Evee.
We went to Auckland and Clint was ordained!
I turned 31 and had a sweet week of celebrating :)
We said good bye to our friends from NJ and cried. We talked about how blessed we are to know so many wonderful people all around the world. We are better for knowing beautiful people, even if we regularly have to say goodbye.
I "finished" my garden or at least feel like I have a proper one. And we got a chicken. A chicken!

On the weekend...

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Sun, 28 Oct 2012 08:05:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 09:16:00 +0000

No school today, a public holiday.
It was wonderful - sleeping in a bit later, hanging out in pjs for a large majority of the day.
I bought bacon especially for a special family breakfast and we enjoyed each others company at a relaxed pace.
Somehow hide and seek is much better when your dad plays with you.
Somehow it is also better when wearing a helmet.

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Sun, 14 Oct 2012 00:17:00 +0000

School holidays have come and gone... tomorrow Evee goes back to school.

Time continues on, which is lovely and yet I want to make sure to savor each moment. It goes by so fast.

2 weeks of no school...

We went to Auckland for some days on the first weekend. We connected with great people, Clint spoke at church twice and we shared about The Well/Christchurch.
We went to a community house performance of "Jack and the Beanstalk". The girls wore dress up, sat on pillows and, besides the giant being a bit scary, we had a good time.
We were gifted a night out while there - free babysitting and dinner paid for. Amazing. To sit across the table from the best life partner, to chat, to dream, have a great meal and to be unhurried - the night was such a gift.
The week and a half, upon return, were full (for Evee) of playing with friends, little outings around town and sleepovers.
Back to a bit of routine tomorrow...