LOVE

small things

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 09:15:00 +0000

Yesterday we looked at an apartment in the city. It's available too soon for us and I think they weren't interested in a family renting it (the rental market is quick right now...they can be picky). However, it was awesome to just go see a place verses simply looking online.

I drove by myself. This was a small feat for me. Different driving rules, different car (which we are borrowing and so thankful for...) and after all our travel I hadn't been driving for awhile.

Grocery shopping was about half the cost it was last week (!!!). Thank you for the tips friends!

We had a couple over last night for dinner. They stayed late and we talked about Christchurch and about life.

Today I went to a friends house and drove there with the girls by myself. All of which was wonderful. So thankful.

And Evee. While she may not process it the same way, we see bursts of emotion. After weeks and months of being with friends, cousins and more friends its different to be mostly on your own. She talks about making friends, which she's never done.

This afternoon Evee and I played fairies and talked while coloring. I could tell we both felt more ourselves. The other stuff will get done.

flight or fight

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 09:56:00 +0000

We sat in a movie theater, in Christchurch and watched this film, a documentary about the Christchurch earthquakes and the last year and a half here in general. We were surrounded by people who were watching what they actually experienced. This wasn't just a film for them, this was (is) a major part of their lives... and it was a bit surreal.

On the way to the movie our friend told us her experience of what has transpired here in the last year and a half.

We watched the movie, side by side. She pointed out people she knew and told me where places were.

Oh it was a beautiful city. So lovely and anyone would have loved to live here.

And I cried because it was sad, really terrible to watch and think of the fear people lived through and the fear that still sticks with so many of them.

She sat next to me and cried, but (I'm guessing) her's was personal. She knew people, she remembers sitting under a table in a mall holding hands with her friend while it was dark and shaking and hearing things shatter around them. She knows what it was like to rush to her kids' school, make sure they are alright and drive her daughter's friend home who sat in the back seat in shock.

Two men were interviewed in one section of the film. One said that some flee and others stay and make things ready for the others when they return. There is no judgement either way, he said. That's the way it is and either way is fine...you do what you have to do.

Many stories. Much they've been through. We are excited to be apart of those who want the city back and cling to hope. It is an interesting place to be right now.

this week

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 10:00:00 +0000

...in (no more than) 48 words. A rhythm for the weekend. Taking time to look back on the week past. A simple way to remember the weeks, the moments and to stay present.

I would so love to read your words! If you take time to ponder the week and write, please share them.
---------------------------------------------
Striving to be patient, to give time for life to unfold while dreaming about what that might look like. Letting go of fear, choosing to trust.

Drove up the port hills today. Beauty everywhere. Perfect weather.

So many details, but hopeful that it will all come together.

dishes

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 10:05:00 +0000

I washed the dishes to music while Clint put the girls in the bath and got them ready for bed.

We had afternoon tea at the home of a very sweet couple. Their oldest grandchild is Iris' age and they didn't seem to mind that she ran around kind of crazy. They laughed easily and she put my mind at such ease a number of times throughout our visit. They sent fruit home with us.

Somewhere along the way - the US to Australia to New Zealand - Evee seems to have picked up a British accent. We question it and laugh about it almost daily. Who knows...

and grateful

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 09:25:00 +0000

Can I just say, between comments and facebook (yes, facebook) and emails and messages, you guys are such an encouragement to me (!)? Really, truly, I'm glad we have moved at this time in history when I can feel connected, even on the other side of the world.

Today has been better. It's the little things, isn't it, that make a day feel better or worse? Amazing.

Things I'm grateful for or just enjoying...
:: our short term apartment. Super cute and perfect for this time. Love it and thankful. It brings much comfort.

:: washing dishes by hand. Yes, I really am. I think I've wanted to go without a dishwasher for awhile now. Granted, last night Clint did the dishes and this afternoon Evee did, but tonight I did and I loved that Clint came up beside me after putting Evee to bed and dried while I washed.

:: that I blog. Why I feel especially grateful today is that there are a group of women in Christchurch who get together simply because they blog. I contacted one of the women back in September and next week some of us will get together with our kids at one of the local libraries (and another time for coffee without kids). How amazing to be on a group email about getting together (which I always love, but feel so thankful about this one in particular)!?! I'm glad you blog Emilie :).

:: that there are 3 bins outside our door - the biggest for recycling, the second for trash, and the third for yard clippings and fruit/veg pieces. Being green seems so easy...
:: the random comments Evee makes about many of you, as if you are so close and in our everyday (like about Ms. Kathy's dog).

:: talking on skype with my dad today. It felt so normal.
:: driving around in the awesome car we are borrowing from friends, stick shift but with my left hand and no power steering. It was my first time and I was sweating and when we arrived back home Clint said it was like driving with a new teenage driver. Thanks babe.
:: we have a few dates on the calendar to hang out with people (and by hang out I mean meet them). We will slowly get the feel of this city and learn what it's like to live in Christchurch.

:: people are easily friendly. Generally easy to talk with and a number of people we've chatted with are from other countries as well. It feels really normal.
:: the mountains are amazing and so close. It is beautiful here. The stars are unbelievable and you can see the milky way. So clear.

:: the one photo we have (not sure what I was thinking with not having photos to put up straight away)...thanks Michelle. I loved finding it and putting it there.

I'll stop there, though the list continues in my head...

Much love to you all. Thanks again for being who you are.

short term apartment

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 08:53:00 +0000

...we are moved into our 6 week, short term, furnished Christchurch apartment. Today.

Tonight I made dinner for our little family of four. Probably the first time in months.

Tonight we are quietly together, probably for the first time in months.

Tonight I sat down at the dinner table and started to say how the girls probably won't know any other life than this one, which is great, but they won't know our lives prior to this and then I couldn't finish because I was in tears and Clint finished it for me.

Evee asked why I was crying and I think I just miss all of you, and that's what I said. I already knew that community is who we are, but when I am away from all of you, I really know that we are about community. All that time of eating and living and being with friends and I didn't cry :).

But friends dropped us off at this apartment today and for that I am thankful. And there are others here...and I trust that connections will come quickly.

Food is crazy expensive. Honestly, I think that is what made me cry as well. Seriously. I think what it was is that I am so good at grocery shopping. I feel that I feed our family healthy and stick to a good budget. Today I felt stripped of that. We walked out of the shops with a receipt that was about 3 weeks worth what I spend in the states. But, I'm learning. And it's only been 3 days. Grace. Time.

On a positive note, Evee has been pleasantly surprised. I'm not sure what she imagined in her mind. I think possibly complete ruin of the city.

When we walked out of the airport she said, "they've already built it back up". And when I asked her what she thought of Christchurch the other night, she said that it was funner than she thought it would be. I think she's excited about going to school again, which is awesome because she will indeed start on her 5th birthday...April 24th.

And it is nice to be us too :).

we've arrived

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 01:19:00 +0000

And here we are in Christchurch, NZ (!!!). Crazy. Now it all begins (or, better yet, continues)...

It is beautiful. Clearly I've been here before, but with different eyes this time. We anticipate exploring today.

Late last night we arrived. I could tell that Evee become lighter when she realized we would all be in the same room. I think I felt lighter too, knowing that if anything happened we were all together. After being told what to do if there was an earthquake, we easily (truly) feel asleep.

There was a 4.1 earthquake last night. We found that out this morning after sleeping through it, no problems. I think we'll be fine. And if and when we do feel them, we'll learn how to cope in that too.

The gift of a having a friend to pick us up, give us their master bedroom to sleep in, with the girls beds all set up...felt more love than I can say. Her hospitality reminds me a bit of Jayne Bak, which also makes me smile.

Last night as we laid in bed, whispering as to not wake up the girls, we talked about how we felt upon arrival. The words excited, at peace and good are what came. That also makes me smile.

Now for immigration, finding long term housing, meeting friends, setting up a house and a church...the journey continues.

My dad sent a sweet prayer today and my friend sent some verses (perfectly timed) 2 days ago - Proverbs 3:21-26. These truly hold us up.

...thank you friends for being in it all with us.

you are the best thing

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 13:20:00 +0000

There are those days when something is needed.

It used to be around dinner time, as the girls were breaking down and the end of the day was coming closer. I would put on our "happy song" (feist - 1234), we'd forget our woes and dance the time away till Clint would walk through the door.

Yesterday morning there were tears, break downs. Evee hurt her thumb and Iris was grumpy, we have been traveling, we are scared of earthquakes, we miss friends, I haven't been around to put the girls to bed for each nap and going to bed. It all mounted up. Some of them very small (others very big), but they culminate no less.

We were just us. Clint put on a song. It starts off, "it's been a long day" and ends with "you are the best thing ever happened to me".

He points to me, I laugh and love him for it. The room is lighter and Evee is now dancing and Iris running around. We are better because of each other.

And we are together and we are fine.

Sometimes it just takes a song.

hands

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 12:48:00 +0000

We seem to be a hand holding family.

Toward the end of 6 weeks of traveling, 6 months prior to that living with sweet friends and anticipating 6 more weeks of short-term housing, I am grateful for a family intact.

We have had our moments, no doubt, of just about forgetting who we are, us four, and needing to be reminded. But we have remembered and Clint and I continue to nudge each other in the direction we know...one that brings peace and is authentic to who we are.

And I'm amazed with the coping skills of an almost 5 year old and a 1 year old...their flexibility, vulnerability, and how they constantly remind us, in their own ways, of who they know us to be. They are apart of this as much as we are.

And I'm glad that they find each other's hands in the back seat of the car in the midst of all this travel and transition.

last week

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 09:47:00 +0000

What we looked at and went to each day last week. 4 days that basically consisted of catching up with Clint's family and going to the beach.

And a bit of sweet, relaxed time with Clint...

This week we are mostly at a conference and on Friday we be in Christchurch. After months of saying, "in January" to the question of when we'd be headed to New Zealand, it is crazy to say, "on Friday". But we are very ready to settle in, check things out and get started.

In Australia

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 12:40:00 +0000

I am...
:: having rare internet usage
:: missing so many of you
:: getting to know my sister-in-laws and feeling blessed to have them
:: enjoying moments away with my Love and thankful for granny and granda who gladly take our girls
:: anticipating arrival into Christchurch and itching to set up home, even though I'm not sure what that will look like
:: going to the beach, multiple times (each day sometimes)
:: loving the sunshine
:: reading "Pride and Prejudice", wondering why I haven't read it before now and thinking of some dear friends who have loved this book for awhile
:: continuing to crochet baby lovies after seeing it done by a friend in Indiana and making a few as Christmas presents
:: hoping that Iris will take to the one I'm currently making for her
:: hearing from friends also obsessed with crocheting since we all started up again in November...it makes me smile
:: ready for routine and excited to figure out life in a new setting

I hope you are all doing well.

(and comments are back on from a year+ absence if you feel so inclined to leave one :))

good-byes (the final ones)

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 05:34:00 +0000

Here we are again. Saying goodbye. But this is the final one and at some point, reality starts to hit.

My dad holds my head, talks close to my ear of being intentional, keeping in touch. Funny that my grandpa, my dad's dad, had similar words for me one week prior.

My mom holds me as Evee tugs on my hand. I sink into her and let myself cry harder. I can't help but wonder if I will be sending Evee or Iris off one day too, possibly taking with them my own grand babies.

Regina and I hold each other tight and cry, not knowing when we'll see each other again...but inside I hope that she will soon join us. But, I cry anyway, because I don't know. And that's just it...there is a lot of unknown.

These are the final three goodbyes in a long line that have, in some ways (the best of ways), consumed our past five weeks or so (among many other things).

The three that watched us walk through the security at LAX. And it is hard. Hard to say goodbye. And I'm not good at it, though I have no idea what a "good goodbye" looks like.

And we travel some more, say hello. Taking in a new reality each step of the way.

And we are now very close to arriving "home" and I feel good and that makes me happy.

Soon these posts will change from sadness/goodbyes/transition. Thanks for bearing with me.

Indiana & California (in pictures)

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 23:02:00 +0000

Today we head off to Australia. The last 3 weeks have been wonderful and quick and long and sad and happy and every other mix of randomness. Each step we take closer to arriving in Christchurch makes me more ready to set up home, but I wouldn't skip these moments and those to come.

And everything not pictured, that I want to keep in my mind
:: brewpub with Christners

:: at Bak's with Gotchels
:: seeing friends and being commissioned
:: getting sick
:: prayers at Callen's; Whitley's
:: day with Swyer's and dinner with Chris & Rachel
:: San Diego with Morgan's and seeing Rachel
:: Regina, every spare moment
:: Eisley and sitting outside Josh & Kar's with Bills too
:: Paul & Brooke coming home and settling in as if no time has passed
:: Evee and Iris holding hands in the back of the car
:: All the dinners, laughter and tears, memories that I will keep in my heart and the people I feel so thankful to call family and friends

And I haven't even begun to think through the Jersey people...for another day.

More to write on the other side of travel. Here's to hoping for lots of sleep on an almost 20 hour journey...smile.

earthquakes

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 17:58:00 +0000

There's been another wave of earthquakes in Christchurch. Did you know this? I'm sure many don't keep up with all that's happening there but, for us, their reality will soon be ours.

It's also a lot easier to imagine what a 4 year old child in Christchurch must feel when your own 4 year old expresses her fear and you feel it in your own heart too.

But, then our conversation moves to what we hope to be apart of...the rebuilding of a city. Last night, this was our conversation...bits of fear and bits of hope. With the encouragement of a friend, Evee sang a song over and over, one that she made up.

What's gonna work? Teamwork! // What's gonna work? Teamwork! // What's gonna work? Teamwork! // If we all work together, and boom, this city's up!

There's been a song running through my own head over the last few months. I believe it's words and it puts my heart at rest.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, 
and to take him at his word; 
just to rest upon his promise, 
and to know, "Thus saith the Lord." 

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust him! 
How I've proved him o'er and o'er! 
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! 
O for grace to trust him more! 

O how sweet to trust in Jesus, 
just to trust his cleansing blood; 
and in simple faith to plunge me 
neath the healing, cleansing flood! 

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus, 
just from sin and self to cease; 
just from Jesus simply taking 
life and rest, and joy and peace. 

I'm so glad I learned to trust thee, 
precious Jesus, Savior, friend; 
and I know that thou art with me, 
wilt be with me to the end.

happy new year

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 22:01:00 +0000

I do realize this is my first post in a week. We are enjoying our days, which go by quickly. I'm missing the moments to ponder and write, but life is going on all around and there is nothing to be missed.

The moments make my heart full.
:: Christmas together with my siblings, parents and sweet grandparents
:: seeing dear friends
:: going to Margot's river and sharing of her together
:: all of us, together in the midst of the everyday - meals, naps, playing, talking
:: hula hooping...oh yes, I've finally learned how
:: sharing stories and memories, particularly about my grandparents and their 60 years together
:: laughter and tears; there is something tender about being together as a family

(If you would like to see some very dear pictures of our Christmas happenings, they are on Josh's blog.)

On this last day of 2011 there is much uncertainty and a bit of awkwardness to our lives right now. However, I know we are exactly where we want to be and I love that. On our best days we dream about the life we hope and strive for and live it out as best as we can. I'm looking forward to the year ahead...all the potentials.

Much love to each of you. Thanks for sharing in our journey.

Happy New Year.

on Christmas Eve...

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 03:05:00 +0000

:: maybe the only snow we see is when flying into Denver for our 4 hour layover
:: maybe the good-byes are hard as we get dropped off for our flight...our next travel will be to leave the states for a long while
::maybe I picked up one quick gift for Evee on our way out of town since Christmas came quicker than expected in the midst of packing, seeing friends and starting the move
:: maybe there are people that would be nice to see one more time or for a bit longer, since I don't know when next time will be

but then again...
:: we are flying to see family and friends
:: my sister is in transit with us...it's so nice to see her face sitting beside us (and awesome to have another adult for travel)
:: I have my sweet (tired) girls and amazing husband
:: I anticipate a great year ahead as we close out 2011
:: we've been with such beautiful people before and during this time of transition
:: it is Christmas Eve, tomorrow is Christmas day and by tomorrow night my family will be together and it will be wonderful...

So as I type this from Denver, I wish you a very merry Christmas. May you know hope, peace and joy this night. Much love to you.

reflection

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 02:47:00 +0000

There is much I want to reflect on these days...where we have come from, leaving the family we lived with for 6 months and the church that generously supported us and sent us off so wonderfully. But, I tell myself there will be time for that. I don't know if I have the words yet anyway.
We long to find the balance
being in the moments now/
anticipating what's ahead/
reflecting on what has brought us here

In this awkward space of not having a home of our own or routine for our family, we long for this balance, while feeling ever so grateful for the people we are surrounded with and enjoying these moments as a gift.

Much to be thankful for, much to anticipate. Thanks for hanging in the balance with me.

Niagara Falls

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 18:49:00 +0000

Last year we stayed home for Christmas. We had dinner together at home most nights. We worked through a question a day on our garland and it worked wonderfully.

This year, we have no home. Dinner together as a family usually takes place, but in the midst of a lot of other things. This year we thought through our answers on a car ride, from Canada to Indiana. 8 questions, all in one day. I'm sure we'll do another lump again, whenever there is a moment to process. Truly we do want to record this year, to remember. But, this year is different and we have to relax in that fact. And that is okay.

There were a number of places that we really wanted to get to while on the east coast (i.e. Boston and Washington D.C). Between school, work, having a baby and all else included this was not our season of travel, except of course to New Zealand to discern and to family and friends :). Never mind. I guess, just not the season for that kind of travel.

On the way through to Indiana, though, we stopped at Niagara Falls...another place we'd wanted to visit. One night, hotel room, just us as a family, saw the falls on both sides, got wings in Buffalo, and a lot of driving. It was worth it for a few reasons.

this week

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 18:00:00 +0000

...in (no more than) 48 words. A rhythm for the weekend. Taking time to look back on the week past. A simple way to remember the weeks, the moments and to stay present.

I would so love to read your words! If you take time to ponder the week and write, please share them.
---------------------------------------------
Commissioned, lunch together, dinner, making sushi, last times, many good-byes, some hellos, lots of travel, being together. Figuring out this short season of travel and friends.

Thankful for people and love and encouragement and hospitality.

the Grubb's

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 03:05:00 +0000

We are on our way...making our way to Indiana, then to California, then to Australia before arriving in New Zealand. It will be a journey, that is for sure. Today felt like a long drive and tomorrow will be much longer. Then, flights from there...

We stopped in at my grandparent's house in PA for the night. It's sweet to see them each time we visit. I always leave there thinking about farming. It must be in our family's blood. I think about my siblings and how we are drawn to it, somehow, in our own way. I also think about rhythm. So much of my grandparent's lives are similar to what it was years ago and what will be next time we visit. There is consistency and it brings comfort.

We got to see all my cousins and aunts and uncles as well. It felt like such a treat since it can be hard to get everyone together at one time.

(Really I'm just posting these for my family who I know will love to see glimpses of family in Pennsylvania. It would have been something to all be there.)

a chair

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 04:41:00 +0000

(from Saturday)
You are forced to ask yourself how much something is worth. When paying $10 per cubic foot, should you bring it?

Today our things are gone. We have 6 bags and a bass guitar to carry around the globe. The rest of our stuff fits onto (approximately) a 4 foot by 7 foot by 7 foot pallet space. And, that's everything.

The shipping company asked to come 2 days early, then showed up 30 minutes before planned. I didn't have time to think, to process...until it came to the rocking chair.

Were we over in cubic feet? Clint measured the chair and we estimated the cost. The man asked what we felt it was worth to keep it.

My mom rocked Julie in that rocking chair. I rocked Evee there and sometimes still do. Now Iris is rocked while I sit on that seat, multiple times a day. When I was pregnant with Evee, our awaited first child my mom reupholstered the fabric and gave it to me. Oh, I love that chair.

If we were just going for 5 years, even a bit more, I think I would have kept it back. Not worth the risk of something happening to it and knowing I would sit in it again. But that is not our plan. God willing, we'll have another baby or two...I want that chair. What if my girls want to rock their babies in it one day.

I have 2 pieces of furniture to my name. That chair and a little red table that Evee sat at every day, multiple times a day, eating lunch with friends, doing crafts. My sisters and I sat at that table and my mom had it as a girl.

Both pieces went on that truck today and as I rocked Iris in the middle of boxes and the movers, I realized I would have paid a lot more to keep those things. They make up home for me and are apart of who I am and what I want my girls to know.

This morning feels a bit tough, but I haven't thought about taking our decision back, not even once. And I have no doubt that this is what we are to do. And just when there is a moment of discouragement we get an email or a detail comes together and hope does not disappoint. So many of you are in the journey with us. And I am ever thankful that we are not alone.

this week

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 13:59:00 +0000

...in (no more than) 48 words. A rhythm for the weekend. Taking time to look back on the week past. A simple way to remember the weeks, the moments and to stay present.

I would so love to read your words! If you take time to ponder the week and write, please share them.
---------------------------------------------
Packing is almost done, we have short term housing in Christchurch, friends to pick us up, and all the flight details. Yay!

As the goodbyes have begun, it has been hard. But, can I also say, that we are excited and anticipating much upon arrival in Christchurch.

and sushi

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 16:03:00 +0000

I've never eaten so much sushi in my life, but it was too amazing to give in and stop eating. Top sushi place in New Jersey, which I believe actually means something. (And, can I add that I will know how to make sushi by the end of this week and hopefully will be ready to impress family at Christmas. Oh yes. We shall see.)

The goodbyes have started and I realize this is only the beginning. I hope you are not tired of the goodbye posts since they have only begun. The next 4+ weeks are filled with hellos and goodbyes.

I will strive to focus on both and be grateful for the amazing people in our lives instead of letting myself get caught in the sadness. I would rather know and say goodbye then have never known at all. This is better, I will tell myself...because it is true.

We are in the midst of processing all that is coming while living in each moment and loving it for what is now.

over tea

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 12:00:00 +0000

Some conversations sustain you a whole week through...sometimes two weeks, maybe more. Thankful for bits of insight when sharing. Safe people are a gift...they keep you going and help you think.

together

noreply@blogger.com (Jamie) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 12:00:00 +0000

I am thankful that in the craziness of grad school and two kids and work that we have lived these past 3 years as a family. It feels that we did it all together. Sometimes it was wonderful, and sometimes it has been messy, but I've loved the moments and it has taught me much about the kind of life I want to continue to live.

(this is a picture from this summer, but essentially it is relived every weekend)