BabyCrunch.com

Back To Work

Big Momma — Fri, 08 May 2009 10:07:00 -0400

My five month maternity leave ended and I've been back on the grid for the last five weeks. The 1st week was terrible, just awful. Twice in the first week back I only saw the babe for 30 mins, because I got home after he was asleep. Whilst on a very generous maternity leave, I got a new manager...who does not have children. I'm coming to realize that her job is her baby. This perhaps is not the ideal work situation for me, but the more I hear about people loosing their jobs, the more I am forced to be thankful for mine. Microsoft layed off more folks this week, after reading the company email to this regard, I can honestly say, I waited with an open mind to learn my fate...still here.

I am still a 'softie, but in case someone wants to render me totally useless, thus sending me home on this sunny afternoon to play with my blue eyed Angel for the rest of the day, I am stepping away from my unlocked laptop for about 30 mins to go pump.

Twitter That MOFO

BabyCrunch — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 11:04:00 -0400

Some one told me I should grab my twitter name before it was to late. Our official tweet: www.twitter.com/babycrunch.

Nursery School War

Dad2B — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 10:28:00 -0400

Check it out.

Set in New York City, the epicenter of a phenomenon cropping up in communities across the United States, "Nursery University" reveals the oddly competitive process of nursery school admissions.

My Electronic Lover

Big Momma — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 16:03:00 -0400

Ever wonder why Rosie on the Jetsons was so popular? If you invest in a Roomba robotic vacuum cleaner, you'll know why. These electronic maids are a dream!

The hubby got this as a "Valentines" gift for me. I know, I know I am tripping over red flags and violating the commonsense marriage rule that voids household cleaning appliances as acceptable gifts from the husband. Even still, I love this thing. As a new mom, its a time saver, as a control freak in recovery, I like opening the filter and dumping out loads of dust bunnies, because guess what...this little robot can sweep under the furniture!

I have an "anonymous" suggestion for a "friend" of mine whose carpet is riddled with sour milk and wine stains. Attention domestic bliss scientists who are working on improvements for the next version of the Roomba. See what you can do about integrating a sniff and scrub mechanism that locates stains left behind from baby spit up and red wine, program the Roomba to hover over the stain and scrub until the sour milk smell is gone and the wine spots that mimic a staggered return from the kitchen to the couch and back is less obvious.

Oct-Mom is Krazy

BabyCrunch — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 07:11:00 -0400

Even though she kind looks like Angie Jolie from a distance this chick is crazy.

Check out her latest interview:

Facebook Bans Breastfeeding, Deemed Obscene

BabyCrunch — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 07:23:00 -0400

Facebook is now feeling the heat after photos of mothers nursing their children are deemed obscene. What do you think?

Get that nipple shield out of my bear den

Dad2B — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 11:41:00 -0400

In this scenario I think it's appropriate to compare myself to a bear in the forest peeing on the trunk of tree to display territory dominance. Of course replacing the pee factor with material items. My man den (home office) was strategically designed for my simple comforts and enjoyment: computers and electronics equipment, a large TV, a foldout couch, and an assortment empty beer bottles and coffee mugs scattered across the desk were all my subconscious attempted to claim this territory (room) as my space.

Things are starting to look and feel different in my territory these days. A few curious thing have popped up over the past few weeks. My man space has started to acquire foreign elements generally reserved for a room called a nursery! Items like nipple shields, baby bottles and blankets, rattles, swings, baby Einstein CDs, bibs, binkis, handy wipes, and a plethora of other sorted items have set up permanent residence in my space. Oh, now lets not forget the bottle stains on my desk that leave a nice milk rings across my desk surface. It longer resembling the room I once loved and I'm losing elbow room faster than my hair is falling out.

What confuses me most is the fact that my wife spent so much time designing the perfect nursery (Nursery Neurosis) during her nesting phase and then end up spending a majority of her time with the little guy in my space. Honey, if you wanted the perfect space why didn't you just ask me?

Cooped Up Without Condoms

Big Momma — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 11:13:00 -0400

The hubby and I just survived more than a week of what the news stations refer to as "Arctic Blast 2008" in the Seattle area. No more frigid were the streets than were our sheets. After having Babe Wonder two months ago, I was finally ready to cozy up to the hubby and being snowed in for more than a week certainly afforded us plenty of opportunity to fool around...until I invited our neighbors over for cocktails.

Rewind...a few weeks ago, in a time period known as pre-Arctic Blast, we went to a Dirty Santa party, at which my friends play the typical anonymous gift exchange. There are some really hilarious interpretations of "dirty" every year, I've decided next year I will bring two ornamental Christmas tree balls...blue ones to be exact. In any case, I gifted what was left of our condom supply as part of the "Manscaping" kit I added to the exchange.

A few days after the Dirty Santa party, Arctic Blast hits us with our pants down...literally. Being snowed in with an infant had cemented the hubby's plan to wait a few years before considering a second child. So while his mind was on family planning, my mind drifted toward finding a fun way to spend the time together. At first I was able to convince the hubby that breastfeeding is natures birth control, and I won't get pregnant. That excuse seemed to work, though he was doubtful. My big mistake was inviting a few neighbors over for cocktails on day 4 of being snowed in. As the group of us were chatting, one of the ladies shared a story about her friend who got pregnant with her 2nd child while she was breastfeeding her 1st...who was 2 months old.

The hubby shot me a dirty look from across the room. And it wasn't a Dirty Santa kind of look either.

Who let the dog out of the dog house?

Dad2B — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 09:32:00 -0400

While my wife was pregnant I probably said more than a few things that should have put me in the dog house. Some comments were made in good natured humor while others were made because I probably didn't know better and/or I didn't think/clarify my thoughts before I spoke. I'll let you decide.

I hear you can burn more calories if you nurse (spreading my pillar of knowledge)
What are you crying about now? (I was genuinely concerned)
Wow, look how skinny Heidi Klum is after having 2 babies! (we were watch Project Runway together )
How come you always wear sweats now? (just curious)
We weigh the same now. (stating a fact)
My mom never gained over 20lbs when she was pregnant. (that what my mom said)
What do you do all day when I'm at work? (just asking)

Men, beware of the dog house:

Life boils down to 2 questions:

Dad2B — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 12:36:00 -0400

I received an email today from my sister-in-law with the subject line: Life boils down to 2 questions. Of course I was intrigued by this (just as you are now) and opened the email with great anticipation. But in this case images speaks more than a 1000 words. Pretty simple if you ask me after glimpsing the following images. It's almost a guarantee that one would wind up in prison after dealing with the little culprits.

Should we get a dog?

Should we have children?

The funny thing is, we originally got a dog first as a trial run before granting the ole wife permission to have a child. Actually the dog and child were both her idea. Good job honey, we/you did good.

Note: We have no relation to dog or kids.

Auditory Overload

Big Momma — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 14:54:00 -0400

Since the Babe Wonder arrived 6 weeks ago, I've noticed I've become ultra sensitive to loud noises, the volume of the tv in particular. Poor hubby may look into getting a miracle ear so he can follow along whilst we watch the drama unfold on the Housewives of Orange County (sorry to sell you out babe, I'm sure there are at least 3 other men who watch that show).

Maybe my sensitive sensory is a hint of the mommy superpowers that befit the women who balance family, friends, career, health and hobbies. I'm looking forward to finding the right pair of electric blue knee high boots ala Wonder Woman so I can dress the part.

Hold Me Now

Big Momma — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 15:45:00 -0400

Oh yes, a new addition to my New Mommy compilation of 80's tunes, its "Hold Me Now" by the Thompson Twins. Seems as if this is my 6 week old son's mantra. He wants to be held from 5pm until we get him down for the "night" which is 4 hours of my eyes rolling into the back of my head whilst the young prince sleeps.

All you mommies out there, do the lyrics below evoke fond memories of spending hours, during what were your quite evenings with your husband, bouncing the babe feverishly on the yoga ball or papoosing them to your chest with one of your myriad of baby slings in a desperate attempt to quell their cries?

You ask if I love you. What can I say

You know that I do and that this is just one of those games that we play

So I sing you a new song. Please don't cry any more.

I'd ask your forgiveness though I don't know just what I'm asking it for

(Oh oh oh oh) Hold me now

(Whoa) Warm my heart

Stay with me, let loving start (let loving start)

I think going forward I'll give the gift of song at baby showers and download the collection of 80's tunes whose lyrics are in fact art mimicking the life of a new mom. I always did like making mixed tapes in junior high.

Grandma Has Halitosis

Big Momma — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 10:07:00 -0400

My mom came up for a visit this week, so for the last few days I've shared a good deal of personal space with her as we coo over my adorable 5 week old baby in unison. I'm not all that close with my mom, so this would be a bit of a Hallmark moment in our relationship except for the fact that something crawled into her mouth and died. Actually its not just something, to be more precise I think it’s a moth ball militia, or my cousin Mike's pet hermit crab circa 1981.

Yesterday we took the Wonder Babe to his pediatrician for a check up and before going into her office, I handed mom an altoid, then insisted she take two, and then in the lobby of the doctors office, I was overcome with diarrhea of the mouth and told her she has halitosis. No sooner did the words escape me, did the nurse call us back to the exam room. Mom, ever the chatty Kathy, took my observation in stride and in her lame effort not to further offend, she chatted up the pediatrician by talking out the side of her mouth, which didn't change the smell of her breath, it just made her look like she was a stroke victim with halitosis.

Poor mom, she really is the nicest lady but I couldn't take it anymore and I just didn't have the ability to hold back, so when we got back into my car to head home, I suggested she see her dentist when she got back to Portland. She countered with the idea to buy a bottle of chlorophyll capsules, as she had heard these would help. We stopped by a vitamin and supplement store, she bought some chlorophyll and now every couple hours, she walks up to me, heaves a big dragon breath into my face and asks if the remedy is working. My only reply is "you should really make an appointment with your dentist, maybe there is a prescription they can give you."

A good lesson for me to keep my mouth shut next time, lest I am willing to become my moms testing ground for whether or not her breath smells like a vinegar bottle rocket exploded in granny's attic.

Outsmarting the Crib

Big Momma — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 21:55:00 -0400

We are one month into parenthood and the score is: Us: 1; Nursery Furnishings: 0

The babe peed through his diaper, clothes, sheet and mattress pad yesterday. I laundered the aforementioned (bedding, not child) and tried to put the bedding back on the mattress tonight. I must have looked like I was wrestling a crock while doing so. I couldn't get the mattress out of the crib so that could get the mattress pad and sheet over the corners...the culprit was the crib bumper, it basically was taunting me. I could almost hear it daring me to just try to change the bedding without having to untie about 20 ties that affix the bumper to the crib rails..just try.

Well, neener, neener on you stupid bumper, I finally got around you and managed to tug, pull and cajole the mattress out from under your wrath. You are decorative and are a cornerstone to the adorable matching bedding ensemble that anchors the whole nursery decor, but you are no friend of mine and I have my eye on you. You are one step from becoming dog bed stuffing...and Murph the Wonder Dog likes to dry hump his bed, so you best mind yourself.

Bored moms outraged over Motrin ad just plain silly

Dad2B — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:09:00 -0400

I don't get all this outrage against the new Motrin ad campaign by mothers who think it is demeaning that they might possibly have neck or get back pain from carrying their infant in a sling/wrap/etc.... What is so offensive about the ad? Hint: stop taking yourself so serious. I think I might boycott Motrin just for pulling the ad after the recent uproar. I can be stupid too!