BabyCrunch.com

Baby Falls Under Train and Survives

BabyCrunch — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 08:31:00 -0500

Batton Down the Hatches

Big Momma — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 17:37:00 -0500

Baby boy is on the move! Over the course of the weekend he started army crawling across the room, pulled himself up to the coffee table and cut his first tooth. He's also paying more attention to music...I think if he can combine all of these new talents, we could have a breakdancer on our hands. The Fresh Prince of Kenmore perhaps!

Murph the Wonder Dog will be his entourage. Bow wow wow, yippie yo, yippie yeah!

Bizarre for My Brazier

Big Momma — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 10:46:00 -0500

Happy size D cup days are here again! As of this morning, I am back to wearing pre-pregnancy bras. I don't feel like a fat chick anymore, having to wear those bras that could be mistaken for the sporty bra for the nose of an airplane. Ya know, the kind that P-Diddy probably has adorning the nose of his personal jet.

I am crazy over this development. I can wear tank tops, button up shirts...I may even try a strapless sundress this weekend. Oh Nelly, I might be getting ahead of myself. The boobies are smaller, but shapless after eight months of having their perk marrow sucked from them. But I can wear tank tops!

The Bitch is Back

Big Momma — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 17:16:00 -0500

After a long posting hiatus, I am back online, ready to rant, rave and insult people as I sit comfortably veiled behind my laptop. My life changed this week when the baby decided it was finally time to sleep through the night. Honestly I think he got tired of my rancid breath in the middle of the night. I often wondered if the smell of my intestines digesting dinner was going to negatively affect my child’s ability to bond with me. Funny thing is, the little bugger has a wee bit of halitosis himself. Must run in my family. Thanks mom.

So after a full night sleep I am anew. I am just about motivated to conquer the laundry...but I think this short post has resulted in temporary carpel tunnel. I hear wine is really good for that.

Back To Work

Big Momma — Fri, 08 May 2009 10:07:00 -0500

My five month maternity leave ended and I've been back on the grid for the last five weeks. The 1st week was terrible, just awful. Twice in the first week back I only saw the babe for 30 mins, because I got home after he was asleep. Whilst on a very generous maternity leave, I got a new manager...who does not have children. I'm coming to realize that her job is her baby. This perhaps is not the ideal work situation for me, but the more I hear about people loosing their jobs, the more I am forced to be thankful for mine. Microsoft layed off more folks this week, after reading the company email to this regard, I can honestly say, I waited with an open mind to learn my fate...still here.

I am still a 'softie, but in case someone wants to render me totally useless, thus sending me home on this sunny afternoon to play with my blue eyed Angel for the rest of the day, I am stepping away from my unlocked laptop for about 30 mins to go pump.

Twitter That MOFO

BabyCrunch — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 11:04:00 -0500

Some one told me I should grab my twitter name before it was to late. Our official tweet: www.twitter.com/babycrunch.

Nursery School War

Dad2B — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 10:28:00 -0500

Check it out.

Set in New York City, the epicenter of a phenomenon cropping up in communities across the United States, "Nursery University" reveals the oddly competitive process of nursery school admissions.

My Electronic Lover

Big Momma — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 16:03:00 -0500

Ever wonder why Rosie on the Jetsons was so popular? If you invest in a Roomba robotic vacuum cleaner, you'll know why. These electronic maids are a dream!

The hubby got this as a "Valentines" gift for me. I know, I know I am tripping over red flags and violating the commonsense marriage rule that voids household cleaning appliances as acceptable gifts from the husband. Even still, I love this thing. As a new mom, its a time saver, as a control freak in recovery, I like opening the filter and dumping out loads of dust bunnies, because guess what...this little robot can sweep under the furniture!

I have an "anonymous" suggestion for a "friend" of mine whose carpet is riddled with sour milk and wine stains. Attention domestic bliss scientists who are working on improvements for the next version of the Roomba. See what you can do about integrating a sniff and scrub mechanism that locates stains left behind from baby spit up and red wine, program the Roomba to hover over the stain and scrub until the sour milk smell is gone and the wine spots that mimic a staggered return from the kitchen to the couch and back is less obvious.

Oct-Mom is Krazy

BabyCrunch — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 07:11:00 -0500

Even though she kind looks like Angie Jolie from a distance this chick is crazy.

Check out her latest interview:

Facebook Bans Breastfeeding, Deemed Obscene

BabyCrunch — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 07:23:00 -0500

Facebook is now feeling the heat after photos of mothers nursing their children are deemed obscene. What do you think?

Get that nipple shield out of my bear den

Dad2B — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 11:41:00 -0500

In this scenario I think it's appropriate to compare myself to a bear in the forest peeing on the trunk of tree to display territory dominance. Of course replacing the pee factor with material items. My man den (home office) was strategically designed for my simple comforts and enjoyment: computers and electronics equipment, a large TV, a foldout couch, and an assortment empty beer bottles and coffee mugs scattered across the desk were all my subconscious attempted to claim this territory (room) as my space.

Things are starting to look and feel different in my territory these days. A few curious thing have popped up over the past few weeks. My man space has started to acquire foreign elements generally reserved for a room called a nursery! Items like nipple shields, baby bottles and blankets, rattles, swings, baby Einstein CDs, bibs, binkis, handy wipes, and a plethora of other sorted items have set up permanent residence in my space. Oh, now lets not forget the bottle stains on my desk that leave a nice milk rings across my desk surface. It longer resembling the room I once loved and I'm losing elbow room faster than my hair is falling out.

What confuses me most is the fact that my wife spent so much time designing the perfect nursery (Nursery Neurosis) during her nesting phase and then end up spending a majority of her time with the little guy in my space. Honey, if you wanted the perfect space why didn't you just ask me?

Cooped Up Without Condoms

Big Momma — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 11:13:00 -0500

The hubby and I just survived more than a week of what the news stations refer to as "Arctic Blast 2008" in the Seattle area. No more frigid were the streets than were our sheets. After having Babe Wonder two months ago, I was finally ready to cozy up to the hubby and being snowed in for more than a week certainly afforded us plenty of opportunity to fool around...until I invited our neighbors over for cocktails.

Rewind...a few weeks ago, in a time period known as pre-Arctic Blast, we went to a Dirty Santa party, at which my friends play the typical anonymous gift exchange. There are some really hilarious interpretations of "dirty" every year, I've decided next year I will bring two ornamental Christmas tree balls...blue ones to be exact. In any case, I gifted what was left of our condom supply as part of the "Manscaping" kit I added to the exchange.

A few days after the Dirty Santa party, Arctic Blast hits us with our pants down...literally. Being snowed in with an infant had cemented the hubby's plan to wait a few years before considering a second child. So while his mind was on family planning, my mind drifted toward finding a fun way to spend the time together. At first I was able to convince the hubby that breastfeeding is natures birth control, and I won't get pregnant. That excuse seemed to work, though he was doubtful. My big mistake was inviting a few neighbors over for cocktails on day 4 of being snowed in. As the group of us were chatting, one of the ladies shared a story about her friend who got pregnant with her 2nd child while she was breastfeeding her 1st...who was 2 months old.

The hubby shot me a dirty look from across the room. And it wasn't a Dirty Santa kind of look either.

Who let the dog out of the dog house?

Dad2B — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 09:32:00 -0500

While my wife was pregnant I probably said more than a few things that should have put me in the dog house. Some comments were made in good natured humor while others were made because I probably didn't know better and/or I didn't think/clarify my thoughts before I spoke. I'll let you decide.

I hear you can burn more calories if you nurse (spreading my pillar of knowledge)
What are you crying about now? (I was genuinely concerned)
Wow, look how skinny Heidi Klum is after having 2 babies! (we were watch Project Runway together )
How come you always wear sweats now? (just curious)
We weigh the same now. (stating a fact)
My mom never gained over 20lbs when she was pregnant. (that what my mom said)
What do you do all day when I'm at work? (just asking)

Men, beware of the dog house:

Life boils down to 2 questions:

Dad2B — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 12:36:00 -0500

I received an email today from my sister-in-law with the subject line: Life boils down to 2 questions. Of course I was intrigued by this (just as you are now) and opened the email with great anticipation. But in this case images speaks more than a 1000 words. Pretty simple if you ask me after glimpsing the following images. It's almost a guarantee that one would wind up in prison after dealing with the little culprits.

Should we get a dog?

Should we have children?

The funny thing is, we originally got a dog first as a trial run before granting the ole wife permission to have a child. Actually the dog and child were both her idea. Good job honey, we/you did good.

Note: We have no relation to dog or kids.

Auditory Overload

Big Momma — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 14:54:00 -0500

Since the Babe Wonder arrived 6 weeks ago, I've noticed I've become ultra sensitive to loud noises, the volume of the tv in particular. Poor hubby may look into getting a miracle ear so he can follow along whilst we watch the drama unfold on the Housewives of Orange County (sorry to sell you out babe, I'm sure there are at least 3 other men who watch that show).

Maybe my sensitive sensory is a hint of the mommy superpowers that befit the women who balance family, friends, career, health and hobbies. I'm looking forward to finding the right pair of electric blue knee high boots ala Wonder Woman so I can dress the part.