I left Texas in 2001, went back to the city where I was raised, and then in 2004, moved to Michigan. I lived in Michigan for a little over ten years. I did my best to grow roots. Relationship, home, and job. Despite my best efforts, whether in California or in Michigan, I was never able to recapture a sense of home. Believe me, I tried. And, so, when my life blew up in April of last year, I decided to come back home to Texas.

One year ago today, with a close friend as my passenger, I drove south on I-35, dropped my dog off at the vet for boarding, and updated my Facebook city of residence to Austin, TX. It had been 13 years since I was an Austin resident. For dinner, I treated my friend to Torchy’s Tacos, and I ate “The Crossroads” taco.

Tonight, I went to Torchy’s Tacos and ordered some queso, along with their taco of the month. This month, it just so happens to be called “The Vagabond.” After taking my obligatory food porn shots, I sat and reflected.

Crossroads. Vagabond. Huh.

As I sat by myself, eating the queso that can only be described as been having made from the joyous tears of angels, I thought about the person who ate at Torchy’s the year before. The girl who walked into Torchy’s on June 25, 2014 was largely broken. Sure, she put on a brave face to show the world that she could kick ass and take names. And, kick ass and take names, she did. She had no idea that just shy of two weeks later, her entire world would collapse upon receiving the call that her mom died. That girl had no idea that despite those circumstances, that she would persevere and keep on going. But, she did. That girl stood at a Crossroad, and decided to take the path she felt she needed to take.

And, here I am. One year later, just shy of two weeks away from the one year anniversary of my mom’s death. My world, while not perfect, is no longer broken. Inside, I am different. I could probably try to explain it, but I’m not going to. Somehow, I don’t need to explain it. But, the important thing, is that I have a sense of home, and I no longer feel like a Vagabond.

A dear friend of mine tells me at least once a week that I need to start a food blog. It’s no secret to anyone who knows me, that I have a love affair with food. Whether it’s food I cook myself, (which, let’s be honest, doesn’t happen very frequently these days), or something I’ve ordered from a restaurant, my Instagram feed consists largely of pictures of food. There are few things I love more than a tasty, well-presented meal.

I’ve left this space abandoned for a long time. They say to write what you’re passionate about. What am I passionate about? Aside from my loved ones and my pets, it’s gotta be food. Whether it’s queso, a perfectly battered chicken fried steak, or even a Jack-in-the-Box taco, I love me some food.

So, with that, I leave you with my pictures from my one year Austinversary Dinner.

No longer at The Crossroads, no longer a Vagabond, I am home. And, damn, home has some good eatin’.

Almost two months ago, I signed closing papers for for the sale of my house. On Sunday, June 22, I  picked up my dog, a close friend to share the drive, and headed to Austin, Texas, where I both, started a new life for myself, and picked up where I left off thirteen years ago.

The last year has carried with it a whirlwind of change. In November, we said goodbye to our beloved black lab, Emma. In early April, I lost my job. The next day, my wife (partner of almost eleven years) and I called it quits. A few days later, I flew to Texas to visit friends I hadn’t seen in close to twelve years. Later that week, my mom’s health deteriorated and I received a call informing me she was in the hospital. That hospital stay lasted close to three weeks. Just a few months later, on July 7, I started my new job. After returning from lunch on my first day of work, I received the call I had been dreading for years, telling me that my mom had passed away.

In April, during my ten day visit to Texas, I made the decision to move back to Austin. I lived in Texas from March 1998 – July 2001, from the ages of 21 – 24. I grew up in Los Angeles, but since leaving in 2001, my heart has considered Texas “home”. It’s where I became self-sufficient for the first time in my life. It’s where I got my first driver’s license. It’s where I made friends whom, even though I hadn’t seen many of them in twelve years, I consider to be my closest family. It’s where I first fell in love with breakfast tacos, BBQ brisket, and banana pudding. Texas is a special place.

I immediately began sending out my resume. Once I returned to Michigan, we put the house on the market and had multiple offers within two days. After multiple interviews with multiple companies, I  secured a job for myself which is a perfect match for my experience and skillset. I rented an apartment, sight unseen. I have amazing friends who watched my cats, and other amazing friends who housed me until my apartment became ready.

I don’t have much regret in regard to the last eleven years of my life; they were filled with love, laughter, and joy, and have made me a better person. My ex and I have remained friends. Neither one of us can envision sharing eleven years of life with someone, only to walk away as enemies. I miss my mother something fierce. I wish we had spent more time together. But, she is no longer in pain. And, while that doesn’t make me miss her any less, it does help soften the pain that comes with her absence.

My new life is in process. I’m still unpacking and dealing with assembling furniture. My dog is having a rough time with the change. The cats don’t seem to mind very much; they’ve moved around several times in the fifteen years I’ve had them. And, even amidst the overwhelming amount of pain and upheaval, I’m happy.

Change. It’s a bitch. Even when you discover and accept that you’re not on the path that’s right for you. Even when everything flows smoothly, beyond your imagination. Even when the stars line up perfectly. And, especially when the stars collide in chaos, rendering you unable to comprehend how so much can happen in such a short period of time. Change is stressful.

And, so, I wiped everything out. All the posts. All the links. All the thoughts. I’m starting over. I’ve returned home. I’m enjoying being close to friends whom I consider my beloved family of choice, who I missed so very much. I’m enjoying time with new friends who are becoming part of my family of choice. I’m discovering who I am again. Sometimes when you go through changes, that’s the thing to do.