Bachelor Pad Kitchen

Gnocc Gnocc. Who's There?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 18 Dec 2010 12:46:00 +0000

I told one of my favorite friends this week that I would teach him how to make gnocchi, and really, isn't that what this blog is for? Besides, in my family, gnocchi is a perfect holiday food.

Making gnocchi isn't difficult, but it does take some prep work and time. But, since it's pretty much the most delicious pasta you could ever enjoy, it's pretty much worth it. I want to type pretty much again. Pretty much.

You will need:
2 pounds of potatoes, cut in half and baked (let them cool, daddy-o)
2 eggs separated
2 cups of flour
a couple of pinches of salt

You vegans out there can replace the egg with a 1/4 cup of olive oil, but just be prepared to add more flour. It'll be a little dry compared to using an egg, but it'll be vegan. So there's your trade off for being healthy, jerks.

For those of us who'd rather die young but with more flavor: (I kid) Scoop your potatoes into a big mixing bowl. We don't want any skins, but as much as the fleshy, yummy white potatoey goodness as you can manage.

Some people skin the potatoes before baking, but I find that the potatoes dry out more, so I don't like it that way. But, if you want to experiment... Hey, we all do it when we're in college...

Mash your potatoes once they're in that bowl into as even and creamy of a mixture as you can manage. Then add the egg yolks. Save the egg whites for breakfast tomorrow. Throw in a pinch of salt. If you're using sea salt, the finer the better. Then add the flour, 1/4 cup at a time, mixing continuously to keep a good consistency. Depending on your potatoes, you may only use a cup and a half. You'll know you've added enough when the dough is easy to shape.

Once you've got a nice, play-dough-like substance, roll it into a log. Nothing phallic here, we only want it to be about an inch thick. Use any remaining flour to keep it from sticking to whatever surface you're rolling it out on.

Cut off pieces about an inch thick. I set them on wax paper, and then stick my thumb in them to make the traditional gnocchi shape, and then score the edges with a fork. People more concerned about thumbing their pasta use the end of a wooden spoon handle. Or just the fork. There's really no wrong way here. As long as you have tiny dumplings, you're good to go. No, that's not an euphemism.

I usually put a few layers of the gnocchi covered wax paper in the freezer, because this stuff keeps. And you'll have enough for about 4 servings. I usually only need 2 at a time.

Fresh, you'll boil these suckers, just a few at a time, for just a couple of minutes. Frozen you can cook all of them at once, but for about 5 minutes.

Whatever you do, DO NOT deep-fry gnocchi. View this video to see why that is a very unsafe thing to do.

Serve with the sauce of your choice. I personally like them with a mean vodka sauce, but that's a recipe for another day. Any of our tomato sauce recipes from this site will be wonderful. Hell, they're good just with garlic, butter and parsley. They're just GOOD.

Compliment the meal with wine. Lots of wine. Mmmm wine.

Talkin' Jive Turkey

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 23 Nov 2010 06:25:00 +0000

Most bachelors aren't going to be cooking Thanksgiving dinners this week.

BUT---with turkeys so cheap, I'm certain a lot of bachelors will be buying birds anyhow. I remember my first Thanksgiving after college, I'd moved to Colorado with my band, and we were tight on funds. We each bought a $5 fifteen pound turkey the day before Thanksgiving, and ate turkey right up through spring.

Let's talk about cooking turkey. Most likely you're going to buy a frozen one. I truly believe the best way to thaw it is in the fridge, which takes 2-3 days depending on size. You can do it in a few hours in a sink full of cold water, but you risk a lot of food contamination issues, which I don't think is worth it. But, if you HAVE to do it, be sure to keep the water cold by changing it every hour or so.

Once you've got a thawed bird, clean out the insides. There's usually a bag of gizzards and shit in there. Rinse the bird well, and pat down.

Personally, I like to use a brine. I also like to use oven bags. That's how I'm going to teach you. With a brine we'll want it to marinade for at least 24 hours in the fridge. You can also just season the bird and bake it, but it's not as good. Follow the baking instructions on the package of the oven bags for the size of your bird. From here on out we're just talking brine, son.

Here's what I make, for about a 15lb bird.

1 gallon vegetable stock (or broth)
1 cup sea salt
2 tablespoons black pepper
2 dashes each of sage, savory, thyme, oregano, basil
1 cup apple juice
about a gallon of ice water
a 5 gallon bucket

In a large pot, mix everything but the water, and bring to a boil. Stir the entire time. Once you feel you've got an even mixture, remove from heat and let it cool.

Now what you'll do is pour it into your big ass bucket, and add the ice water. Stir it up, little darling, stir it up!

Next, submerge your bird in that shit. Make sure it gets into the cavity. Soak that dirty bird! (well, actually... hopefully you cleaned it as instructed above)

The next day you'll drain it good, pop it in an oven bag, and bake as instructed. When the bird is done, drain all of the drippings from the oven bag into a sauce pan. Heat it on your stove, gradually stirring in a teaspoon of flour at a time and whisking it good. There's your gravy, beyotch!

Whatever.

And Now For Something Completely Different

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 07:22:00 +0000

I had planned on getting some Thanksgiving recipes up here for you, and I still might on Monday, but I've been caught up with other things.

So... Why not enjoy this post from Manofesto featuring the sexiest cooking videos of all time, in the meantime...

http://www.manofest.com/Content/the-10-sexiest-cooking-videos-of-all-time.html

Look At the Calzones On That Guy!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 00:21:00 +0000

I got a nice care package of lovely food stuffs from my mother today, and am taking a break from cooking up a storm. For dinner tonight I'll be having a NY Style Calzone. This is a delicious meal, that is super easy to make.

You can use one of the tomato sauces from this site to top it. Or you can slack and use a jar. I won't judge you. Out loud.

You'll need:
dough - you can buy frozen dough, or most supermarkets will sell you a round of it now for about a dollar each. I can teach you how to make dough another day.
cheese - you'll need ricotta and a nice pizza blend of mozzarella and other tasty awesomeness.
spinach, mushrooms, onions, garlic, salt, olive oil (about a handful all together)

In a small pan, brown your spinach, mushrooms, onions and garlic in oil with a dash of salt.
Roll out your dough as wide as you can
Sprinkle a layer of your pizza cheese on the dough
spoon your veggie concoction carefully and evenly on top of that cheese.
Spoon your ricotta on top of that, evenly to make a thin layer.
Sprinkle another layer of pizza cheese.
Carefully fold your dough in half and seal together the edges.
Try to shape it like a football or something cohesive.

Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes.

This is a great meal to share. Cut it in two and serve with a salad. Great with a nice glass of wine. Put on some Tony Bennett and dance around the kitchen. Be sure not to drop her when you dip her. And kiss, for God's sake. Kissing is the source of all real magic.

Hell. If they're putting Xmas Lights Up Already...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 05:53:00 +0000

There are like, 3 houses on my block already putting up Christmas lights, and this bothers me. First off, with the way the world is today, I find it completely selfish to all of humanity to waste electricity on such things. But with a more traditional view of things, it's not even Thanksgiving yet! Listen, I'm not a fan of Christmas as a whole. I find it wasteful. But, I want to find something positive in the season, and so I give you a recipe to get wasteful, or at least wasted with.

Today, dear friends, I offer you my famous holiday punch recipe, printed for the first time. Many have asked for it. I've kept it a secret for years, because though it is quite simple, you'll notice when you serve it, it's as close to an aphrodisiac that you can legally serve.

You will need:
1 bottle of champagne
1 liter of vodka
1 large can of pineapple juice
1 liter of ginger ale
1 gallon of orange sherbet
1 can of strawberries (yes, the canned, we want the syrup they're in)
At least one box of condoms

Mix everything but the sherbet, strawberries and condoms in a big punch bowl. Add the sherbet on top, but stir a little. Ooooooh bubbles! Dress the concoction by pouring the can of strawberries slowly on top. Wait for the party to take off. Keep those condoms handy.

Cheers.

Chill in the Air and Chili in my Pot

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 22:08:00 +0000

Someone I don't even know, but follow on Twitter because she seems funny and awesome just posted looking for a good vegan Green Chili recipe, and I have a good one. Maybe others will enjoy it as well. Even though I'm not vegan, I grew up with lots of vegan family members. If anybody is ever looking for recipes, I've got 'em. I had to learn how to make a lot of things I love to share with the meat and dairy free people I love. As always, feel free to ask. (mjsalamone at gmail)

What you'll need:
1 whole onion, I prefer to use a white one. No, that's not racist.
4-6 cloves of garlic, depending on size
48 ounces of vegetable stock (canned, frozen or homemade, use chicken if not vegan)
As many roasted green chilis as you can get! Well, at least a dozen. It's better if you've got about 20 though. These will need to be peeled. (very important: wash your hands thoroughly after peeling chilis! Especially before touching your face or going to the bathroom!)
Salt, pepper, olive oil, flour

In a big pot, saute your olive oil, onions and garlic until the onions are soft and brown, and your kitchen smells awesome. Add about 12 ounces of the stock and your chilis. Bring to a boil, stirring often. Then add the rest of your stock, and simmer slowly until boiling. Stir in 4 tablespoons of flour to thicken. Stir that shit like crazy with a whisk so that there aren't any lumps, chumps! Simmer for another hour on the lowest of low heats. Salt and pepper to taste.

Serve with warm tortillas and shots of your favorite tequila!

Areba!

Life is Better Pumpkin Flavored

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 04:58:00 +0000

I'm a serious pumpkin addict, every autumn. I love pumpkin coffee, beer, bread, cake, milkshakes, you name it. And considering the retweets and likes I got from when the title of this post was used on my Facebook and Twitter, I can tell that women love pumpkin everything too. That's good enough to share two recipes I played with this past week.

When my friend @musenews posted on Twitter that she was eating pumpkin pretzels, I became obsessed. I found a few different recipes online, but adapted them to what I had in the pantry. They turned out amazingly. I hope you try these.

You'll need:
1/4 - 1/2 cup of warm water
1 tablespoon of sugar
1 package of active yeast
1 cup of canned pumpkin puree
4 cups of flour
dash of salt
teaspoon of olive oil
8 cups of boiling water
2 tablespoons baking powder

Got a big bowl? Not the smoking kind, hippie. Put the warm water and stir in the sugar. Add the yeast and let it activate. This takes a couple of minutes. Then stir in the pumpkin. Now add the flour and salt. Beat the crap out of this mix until you have a nice dough. Feel free to add more water if it's too stiff. (That's what she said.) Keep kneading for like, 10 minutes. Brush that ball of dough with the olive oil. Now wrap it lightly in plastic wrap and a warm, damp towel. Let the dough rise in a warm place for about an hour.

Here comes the fun. Preheat an oven to 475. Bring the water and baking soda to a boil. Cut your dough ball into 6 to 8 even chunks. Roll out each chunk and shape your pretzels. Get creative! I tried to make jack-o-lantern shapes. Boil those bastards for a minute on each side, one at a time. Place them on a lightly greased cookie sheet. Sprinkle with salt and then bake.

I drizzled my finished pretzels with melted semi-sweet chocolate chips. I think chocolate cream cheese dip would have been ideal. I toyed around making a pumpkin frosting. Really, the choices are endless.

-------------------

So, for the pretzels, I'd opened a giant can of pumpkin puree, and was trying to think of something non-sweet to use the rest on, since I had a bunch of sweet pretzels to eat already. The pumpkin worked so well in dough form, and I'm a good Italian boy, so I made pasta. It. Was. Awesome.

2 cups of flour
dash of salt
1/2 cup of pumpkin
teaspoon of olive oil
teaspoon of water

Like any good fresh pasta, be prepared to play with the flour and water amounts to get it right. Use your hands to toss all of this stuff together until you have a nice, firm ball. (That's what she said.) Roll dough into a warm, damp towel, and let it sit for about 20 minutes. Shape how you see fit. (I rolled it out and cut little moon shapes.) Boil for about 2 minutes, give or take based on thickness of your pasta shapes.

For sauces, I personally just tossed it in a little olive oil and salt and pepper. I think a nice cream sauce would be elegant as well. Maybe something sweet? It'd be fine with just marinara or Alfredo too. Iz good shite. I promise.

,
,

Always a Place in Her Heart AND Her Stomach

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 19:24:00 +0000

I sort of let this blog go, but it just came up in conversation for about the 5th time this month, so I thought I'd add a post. It isn't that I don't still love to cook and want you all to know how to do so. I very much do. It's just that my heart wasn't behind the seduction aspect of things anymore. I'm personally looking for something more "real" in my life.I mean, to the point that I had dreams of holding hands last night. If I can't be with someone I care about, I don't want to settle for second best. But enough of my sappy, I'm done with cheap thrills crap. You came here for sweet, sensual food.

An earlier post to this site about how to make soup was based on an ex writing to me saying that even after many years, she still craved it. Well, today she contacted me, begging for the recipe. I remembered the Bachelor Pad Kitchen and sent her the link.

It made me think that the Bachelor Pad Kitchen may still be able to fit into my new way of life. I mean, this wasn't some cheap seduction. We were so very much in love then. She worked in film and I was going to school, hours apart from each other. We found a weekend to escape together to her parent's lakeside cabin. It was all very sweet, which I will now ruin the image of by telling you that I got more head for this soup than most men get in their entire relationship. But hey, this is the Bachelor Pad Kitchen. That's the sort of thing I need to divulge.

This isn't a healthy soup, by any means. But it is absolutely delicious. And simple. She wants to know how to make the basic Cream of Mushroom. Which today I would suggest adding a dash of nutmeg as a garnish, and maybe a little shaved apple. But, this soup can be adapted readily to any cream soup. I recently made it with crab. I'm considering trying a pumpkin curry variety this week. You can adapt it so very many ways. The original recipe post is here. May your kitchens be warm with love.
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We Like Sex and Candy

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 03:16:00 +0000

Want to impress a lover with a sweet tooth? Candy, especially chocolates can be extremely sensual. Today's bachelor pad kitchen will give you two easy chocolate candy recipes for seduction.

First, the easiest of all: Chocolate Covered Strawberries.

Melt a cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips in a microwave safe bowl, on high for about 45 seconds. Be prepared to go a little longer depending on your microwave. Stir that stuff like crazy.

Dip a dozen strawberries into the chocolate, and roll them around until covered. Using a shallow spoon, put them onto a wax paper covered cookie sheet and in the refrigerator. Let them sit at least for a half hour.

Easy. Right? So, lets kick it up a notch and make peanut butter bonbons, using the same principles.

Melt 3 tablespoons of butter or margarine in a good sized mixing bowl. Stir in 1 cup of peanut butter (creamy) and 2 cups of confectioners sugar. Stir the shit out of that mother fucker. You want it smooth and creamy. Use a teaspoon to measure out, and roll this mix into 1 inch balls. Set them on that wax papered cookie sheet in the fridge to cool for a half hour.

Make the same chocolate chip melt as for the strawberries, but put your balls in it instead. Refrigerate for at least a half hour. Bam! Awesome candy.

Now, tempt her tongue with your sweetness.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 06:13:00 +0000

Easy & Cheesy

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:30:00 +0000

This collection needs another sweet-tooth entry, and I've got the perfect one for you. Not many women can resist coming up to your bachelor pad for homemade cheesecake and coffee. Most women LOVE cheesecake, and with any luck, will love you for being able to make it.

Ingredients: (aprox $15)
40 ounces of softened cream cheese (that's 5 packages, usually)
a cup and a half of sugar
2 large eggs
Pint of Sour Cream
tablespoon of lemon juice
teaspoon of vanilla
pinch of salt
stick of butter, firm

Preheat the oven to 375° and prep a large spring form pan as follows: Place a sheet of parchment paper over the inside bottom of the spring form pan, fit the rim and lock in place. Trim excess paper from the underside of the pan. Place a large sheet of heavy duty aluminum foil on counter. Place the locked pan in center and raise up the foil to top rim. Crinkle around the outer top of rim. Using some firm butter, fill in the inside lower rim of pan, using your finger to form a smooth lining. (like caulking a bathtub). Place in freezer while you make the batter.

Beat cream cheese and sugar till smooth. Add sour cream, then eggs (one at a time). Add remaining ingredients. Mix on medium speed until well incorporated (about three minutes), scraping down sides of bowl several times while mixing to prevent lumps).

Remove the spring form pan from freezer. Place pan onto a dishcloth onto counter and pour batter into pan. (So it's not 'loud' when you temp it). With your palms around the outside rim of the pan, GENTLY lift and drop down pan onto the towel. Rotate an inch or so and repeat a few times to raise and release air bubbles from batter. (this will help keep your cheesecake from cracking).

Set the spring form pan into a water bath. (A water bath is a baking pan or heat proof container larger than your cake pan with about an inch or two of water above the bottom of the cake pan). This is for even cooking and to preserve moisture). Bake at 375°F for 30 minutes. WITHOUT opening oven door, reduce temperature to 250°F and continue to bake for an additional two hours or until center of cake registers 150F with a digital thermometer.

Remove from oven, water bath, and outer foil. DO NOT unlock the spring form pan! Place on cooling rack for 30-60 minutes. Loosen cake from sides by going between the cake and the pan with the edge of a knife. Refrigerate for at MINIMUM of four hours but overnight is best. (NOTE: If you are using a topping, you can place it onto the cake about 2 hours after refrigerating the cake). Unlock and remove the side of pan. For easier slicing, use dental floss. Taut between your hands, press down over cake, then let go of one end, and slide out from side.

I like to top it with fresh berries at serving, but you can add chocolate, fruit or anything you like.

Suggested drink: Irish coffee.

Get Sauced Again

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 02:52:00 +0000

Though tomatoes aren't exactly in season right now, I wanted to follow up last week's COMFORT FOOD FRIDAY recipe with the alternative, fresh tomato sauce recipe.

Like when using canned, there are endless possibilities to adapt this to your tastes. I make sauce nearly every week, and never make it the same way twice. We call this particular sauce "quick sauce" in my family, and it's generally adapted to what vegetables are fresh that day. It's just about every Salamone's favorite sauce. This is my adaptation of Grandma's. She's magical and does everything to taste, without recipe, based on what's fresh from the garden. I'm getting there, and you will too. For now, here's some proportions...

Ingredients:
6-8 tomatoes, chopped (8 if they're small, 6 if they're big)
1/4 cup olive oil
1 whole onion, thinly chopped
1 whole garlic, minced
8 oz mushrooms
2 red peppers, chopped
1/8 cup white wine
salt, pepper, sugar to taste

In a large pan, over medium heat, mix all ingredients, and stir for 30 minutes. Serve over Todd's fresh pasta recipe from this website, or whatever pasta is handy. Have a nice slice of garlic bread and glass of red table wine.

Don't be a Cream Puff

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 22:06:00 +0000

One of the easiest things you can make to make your meal look more complicated than it really is, is the use of the puff pastry. Best known for use in a cream puff, it can also be a great appetizer or side dish shell.

Guys, this is why I wanted you to have the recipe: You can fill that pastry with anything. Chocolate mousse, whipped cream, chicken salad, salmon or crab mousse, ice cream or sorbet, seafood salad, vanilla pudding, flavored hummus, Baba ganoush, cream cheese and veggies, broccoli and cheese, smoked Gouda and ham, you name it. Get creative!

I've served a tuna salad filled puff over a salad as a meal and received wonderful compliments. It took me 10 minutes to throw together, because I already had made a batch of puff pastries for something else. I needed something fast, and it worked.

So, you decide what you want to put in these bad boys, but here's how you make the pastry:

Ingredients:
1 cup water
1/2 cup butter
1 cup flour
4 eggs

Boil the water and butter. Remove from heat, and whisk in the flour, beating until you get a nice dough ball. Let that cool. Then, beat in the eggs, one at a time, until you get a smooth consistency. Use a teaspoon to drop the dough onto a greased cookie sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for 45 minutes.

After they cool, you'll have nice, little, hollow, pastries for you to do whatever your imagination leads you to. Cheers.

What's IN that pot? Cannabis Cooking

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 05:13:00 +0000

Today's post is going to link to my favorite newspaper, Denver's Westword, for a piece they ran today on cooking with marijuana. You can make your inferences to why this might be handy for a bachelor.

http://blogs.westword.com/cafesociety/2010/01/pot_luck_creative_cooking_with.php

Salmon by Salamone

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 00:01:00 +0000

This is an email I got today from an old friend:
Yo, Sales Money! Happen to have a good salmon recipe for me? (girlfriend's name) is coming over for dinner Friday and really likes it. I was just gonna grill it, but figured you'd have an ace up your sleeve. Thanks!"

Interestingly enough, I do have a favorite salmon recipe, and it's really easy to prepare. I'd serve it with a side of wild rice (just get a box) or fried rice and broccoli. This recipe uses minced ginger, which you can buy in a jar. Since it's not something you'll use a lot of, you may want to grate a clove of ginger, available from Whole Foods pretty easily. It also calls for sesame seeds, which are also easily obtainable at Whole Foods, and usually in the bulk section, so you don't have to buy more than you need.

Ingredients: (aprox $15)
2 of your fish monger's finest salmon steaks
4 tablespoons of soy sauce
2 tablespoons of honey
1 teaspoon of minced ginger, or one grated clove of ginger
pinch of white pepper
2 teaspoons sesame seeds

Preheat your oven to broil. Line a baking dish with aluminum foil, and spray with cooking spray. Mix the soy sauce, honey, pepper and ginger until one consistency. Brush with the glaze you just mixed. Broil for 10 minutes.

While your fish is broiling, in a frying pan, brown your sesame seeds. This will just take a couple of minutes. Stir well. You'll smell them and see them change color when done.

Plate your salmon, drizzle with remaining glaze, and sprinkle sesame seeds over top.

Drink suggestion: SAKE!

Party Favors

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 01:35:00 +0000

One way to make sure the women in your peer group know that you can cook, is to never show up to a party empty handed. This simple ritual will make it much easier for you when you invite your lady friend over to your pad for dinner. It will also make you a popular party-goer, building value for you with every compliment you receive.

An appetizer that people always seem to love is Spinach & Artichoke Dip. Mine has always been a big hit for me, and I hope you'll find it to be a huge success as well.

Ingredients: (aprox $12)
1 cup Parmesan cheese (grated)
1 cup sharp cheddar cheese (shredded)
1/2 cup pepper jack cheese, shredded
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cup of Miracle Whip or like salad dressing.
(mayo will do, but the zing helps)
1 cup cream cheese
2 tablespoons garlic powder
1 square package of frozen spinach (thawed and drained)
2 cans of artichoke hearts (drained and chopped)

Directions: Mix all of your ingredients together, (except for the pepper jack cheese) and put in a greased casserole dish. Top with the pepper jack. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes Serve with crusty bread or crackers.

Drink suggestion: cold, crisp, sweet white wine

Pro Tip: If bringing this to a party, use a casserole dish that is also microwave friendly. Zap it for 2 minutes to bring it back to temperature.

Get Sauced

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 18:49:00 +0000

This week for COMFORT FOOD FRIDAY, I'm going to explain how I make tomato sauce, which I do almost every Sunday. It's a ritual that makes me feel good, and it always results in something that tastes good. I love to share my sauce. I love watching people taste my sauce. I love making double entendres about my sauce.

Most of the time I make a vegetarian marinara. If I'm going to add meat, I'll make meatballs in the oven, or grill some Italian sausage. But I like the sauce to have a flavor of it's own. The only meat that I think helps the flavor is throwing a pork chop in the sauce while it cooks, and that's just because the women in my family always did so, and I'm superstitious like that.

I make several kinds of sauce. Some with fresh tomatoes, some with canned. The canned tomato sauce is thicker, and more like what you'd buy at the store. Except it tastes a hell of a lot better.

Anyhow... What I use...
1 gallon crushed tomatoes
16 ounces stewed tomatoes
16 ounces diced tomatoes
16 ounces baby bella mushrooms, sliced
1 whole yellow onion, diced
1 whole garlic clove, diced
1/4 cup fresh oregano
1/4 cup fresh basil
1/4 cup olive oil
salt, pepper, sugar to taste

In a large pot, brown the onion, garlic and mushrooms in the olive oil over medium heat. Add half of the basil and oregano, half way in. Be prepared to add more olive oil if the veggies soak it all up. You don't want them to stick to the bottom of the pan. You can use butter if you run out.

Add the diced tomatoes, and stir the hell out of that mixture. Then add the stewed tomatoes, mix well, and reduce the heat to low. Let it come to a slow boil, before stirring in the crushed tomatoes and the rest of your basil and oregano. Reduce heat to a simmer, and let cook at least an hour, stirring throughout. You can let this cook and thicken for 3 hours if you have the time.

Stick a spoon in there and taste it. You're going to need to add salt, pepper and sugar. Stir well whenever you add any other ingredients.

You can add green or red peppers with the onion, garlic and mushrooms if you like. You can add artichoke with the crushed tomatoes. You can add meatballs or Italian sausage at the end. You can boil a pork chop in the sauce like my mom always did. No matter what, you'll have a delicious sauce you'll love to see people wipe off of their chins.

How a Pepper gets Stuffed

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 20:15:00 +0000

Another easy recipe I use, that's been a hit with dinner dates is my Santa Fe Stuffed Peppers. This is a highly adaptable recipe, because you can tweek the stuffing any way you want. You can add diced chicken, shredded beef, shrimp, crab, whatever. I'll give you the basics, but feel free to adapt and make it your own.

Ingredients:
4 whole red peppers
1 and half cup of rice
8oz Cheddar cheese
can of corn, drained
can of diced tomatoes, drained
half onion, diced
hot sauce of your choice, salt, pepper to taste
spring mix
sour cream and/or guacamole

Prep: (15 mins)
Boil a big pot of water, and in a separate pan, cook the rice. Cut the tops off of the peppers, and gut the insides. Cut off any usable pieces from the tops and mix with all of your other ingredients. If you want to jump the stuffing up a notch, you can't beat a few pinches of fresh cilantro.

Boil the peppers with a pinch of salt for about 4 minutes. Use a wooden spoon like item to keep the peppers under water the whole time. Set aside to cool. When cool, stuff 'em.

When your date arrives, it'll take 45 minutes at 350 degrees to bake these bad boys. Serve a pepper over a bed of spring mix, with a dollop each of sour cream and guacamole on the side of the plate. My drink suggestion is margaritas. Get a couple in both of you before dinner. A nice dessert compliment is something with dark chocolate.

Late Night Carbo Load.

noreply@blogger.com (Radicle Microgreens) — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 11:04:00 +0000

Before I was a Chef and before I had any game, I had only one lure in my tackle box and it was the perfect net for late night. Pasta. Nothing says I'm reasonably drunk and momentarily "off my diet" than a nice bowl of creamy, cheesy and lighty peppery pasta between midnight and well past midnight.
While in culinary school, I was in survival mode and knew one thing for certain. Pasta is cheaper than cheap! Made from scratch not only made it cheaper, it was now a survival skill and hungry, reasonably drunk friends dig survival skills - especially the creamy, cheesy and lightly peppery kind.
Have this prepared ahead of time. Mix by hand or if you have a food processor, use the blade attachment and combine in the bowl:

3 eggs
1 Tablespoon oil - any
1 Teaspoon salt
2 1/4 cups flour

Kneed into a stiff dough adding more flour if needed to obtain a good consistency.
Wrap the dough ball in plastic wrap and refrigerate until use.

The sauce is:
Heavy Cream
Greuyere Cheese - grated
Fresh Ground Pepper

Now go party! When you return, put a pot of water on to boil.
Slice a piece of the dough and put it on you cleaned, lightly floured counter. If you have a rolling pin, use it. I didn't. I used a vermouth bottle. Roll the dough out as thinly as you prefer while maintaining a light flouring underneath and on top. Now roll up the dough sheet and slice into a skilled width. Don't try for angelhair here. Go for fettuccine. If you get Lasagna sheets, you're too drunk to cook or otherwise so pack it up and say goodnight.
Drop the strips of fresh pasta into boiling water.
Meanwhile in another pan, add 1/2 cup heavy cream and bring to a simmer. The pasta will cook quickly - perhaps 4 or 5 minutes.
Add the cooked, drained pasta and a bit of the pasta water to the cream and continue to reduce until a nice consistency is obtained. Add a nice handful of cheese, some cracked black pepper and your done.
Serve with (more) white wine and Grover Washington Jr.
Turn off the stove and clean up when they leave - tomorrow.

Just Like an After School Special

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 18:16:00 +0000

First off, a quick announcement about the site: I've invited some of my favorite chefs to contribute to this blog at their leisure, and some have said yes. So, over the coming weeks, you'll see contributor credits to the right of the page, and additional posts from some great culinary minds. (Who, by the way, never suffered in the romance department either.)

OK... On to today's post. Last night I was on the phone with a friend, who made a joke to the effect of, "If there's one thing I learned from watching after school specials, it's if you feed her lobster, she has to put out." Crass, but funny, and anybody who lived through the 80s gets the reference. Anyhow, this friend confessed that he didn't know how to cook a lobster, which is such an easy thing to do.

And for the cost ($7-10 per crustacean) it's not a bad meal to make at home, especially to impress a special lady friend. Serve with oven roasted baby red potatoes and a green vegetable. Also, you'll want to serve warm butter to dip that tasty lobster meat in.

The easiest way to cook a lobster is to boil it. I like to steam them, but we'll come back to that another day when we get a bit more advanced. Some say to rub the lobster's head and belly before throwing him in the pot, to relax him for the kill. Something about his adrenaline tainting the flavor. I do that out of good measure because I'm a little superstitious, I guess.

You'll need a big pot, so that the lobsters are covered by water completely. Throw them in the water and add a tablespoon of salt per crustacean. Add the lobsters, claws first, put over medium heat, and start timing when the water comes to a boil. You'll cook them for 5 minutes per pound.

So, now you can cook a lobster, and host an after school special of your own.

Suggested drink: white wine. (again, can't go wrong with Coppola's Blanco)

Giving Her Crabs

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 20:46:00 +0000

Over the weekend a friend asked me for a recipe for Crab Cakes, because he needed to learn how to make them for his girlfriend, as they were her favorite. He reported back huge success with it today via email, so I figured this would be a good recipe to share with you all today.

Crab cakes aren't hard to make at all, and are usually quite well received. I would serve these with a nice salad: spring mix, walnuts, apple, Gorgonzola, balsamic dressing. With salad, you should be able to pull this meal off for around $25.

Drink suggestion: crisp white wine

Ingredients:
1 lb of crab meat
1 sleeve Ritz crackers, crushed into crumbs
2 tablespoons onion powder
2 tablespoons garlic powder
1 red pepper, finely diced
1/4 cup celery, finely diced
1/4 cup Miracle Whip
1 egg
dash each of salt and pepper
flour
1/2 cup oil for frying (suggested is peanut oil, but you can use others)

Prep work (5 minutes)
Mix everything in a bowl, except for the frying oil and flour.

Instructions
Shape your mixture into little crab cake patties. Dust them with flour.
Put oil in skillet over medium heat.
When pan is hot, fry your crab cakes until brown on each side. About 4 minutes each side.

Serve hot. Normally with a Remoulade sauce. My recipe for Remoulade is different each time I make it. Basically, I mix mayo, Worcestershire sauce, Dijon mustard, pickle relish and lemon juice together and throw in whatever spices appeal to me. Usually garlic powder and parsley. It's like a cold condiment soup, and I mix it to taste. You can buy it if you like as well, for around $4.

New Digs for the Bachelor Pad

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 04:01:00 +0000

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While I plan on taking weekends off for this blog, I'm doing a little redesigning at homebase, MichaelSalamone.com, and decided to revamp the Bachelor Pad Kitchen as well. I hope you crazy kids dig it.
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One for the ladies: Comfort Food Fridays

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 19:29:00 +0000

Last night, two lovely young women complained to me that they don't know how to cook for their men. It turns out, that guys may not be the only ones who need a little help in kitchen. One woman actually told me that she lost her last boyfriend because she couldn't cook.

First off ladies, any guy who is that shallow, isn't worth keeping. Second, it never occurred to me that women may need to cook their way into a man's pants as well. I just thought women got to pick and choose their lovers.

These women last night wanted some inexpensive, hearty, casserole type dishes, that were simple to throw together after a long day of work. Since these types of home-style, comfort food meals are among my favorites, we'll start a new tradition on this blog: Comfort Food Fridays.

We'll start with a favorite of mine, the Tuna Noodle Casserole. It's cheap, easy, delicious, and filling. Just like me. A perfect comfort food.

Ingredients: (less than $10)
1 bag of egg noodles
2 cans of Albacore Tuna
2 cans of cream of mushroom soup
1 can of peas & carrots
16oz shredded sharp cheddar cheese.
salt & pepper to taste

Boil the noodles and drain them. Open your cans. Drain the peas & carrots and tuna. Combine all ingredients and mix well. Add salt and pepper lightly to taste. Put in a casserole dish, bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes uncovered. Dash a little paprika on top if you have it, before baking.

And so, that's the start of our new Comfort Food Friday segment, my favorite cheap and easy meal.

Drink suggestion: Your favorite beer.

Cheers.

Serving Her Just Desserts

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 19:10:00 +0000

Today we'll talk about a great dessert, and the art of turning that casual acquaintance into something more.

Inviting a woman over for just dessert and tea or coffee is a great way to turn a casual friend into something more intimate. Say you're out with a group of friends to see a show, or attend an event, and you'd really like to take things a step further with one of those friends... Invite her over for dessert.

Using our recipes is a great, disarming way to invite women over. "Are you doing anything after this? I've got a great new recipe for grilled pineapple over sorbet. You should join me for dessert and coffee." On the creepy factor of one to ten, this is a zero. Unless you make weird facial expressions while you say it. Toss in the "It's so much more fun to share when I cook," to say that you're independent, but prefer companionship, like we discussed the other day.

You'll need some supplies for this recipe, but it's easy to prepare, quick, and something you'll crave again after tasting. She will too

Grilled Pineapple on Sorbet (15 minutes)

Ingredients: (less than $10)
1 pineapple, cored and cut into slices about as thick as your thumbnail. (in rings)
1/4 cup sugar
2 tablespoons of lemon or lime juice. (doesn't really matter which)
4 tablespoons of honey
dash of cinnamon
1/8 cup water
Orange sorbet (or any flavor really, I just think orange goes best)

Combine everything but the pineapple and sorbet in a bowl, and mix until one consistency. Heat up a grill, a Forman, or a skillet. Something that will leave grill marks is best.

Dip the pineapple rings into the sauce, and grill, for about 3-5 minutes a side. You want the pineapple to be hot. You know, grilled. Feel free to brush on any remaining sauce.

An easier version of this, but not as awesome, is to skip the sauce. Just grill the pineapple, and lightly drizzle with honey before serving.

Serve hot, over a scoop of sorbet. Easy. Like Sunday morning. And you.

Suggested drink: Kahlua and coffee

Vegetarian Dinner Date

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:34:00 +0000

You're going to need a few good vegetarian dishes in your arsenal, because not all women you meet are going to eat meat. This recipe has done well for me in these situations.

Today's recipe will require just a bit more planning on your part, as it requires a grocery trip and an overnight marinade. Today's recipe is Vegetarian Moussaka.

Grocery list: (aprox $20)
1 eggplant
2 potatoes
1 can diced tomatoes
16oz Feta Cheese
4oz Parmesan cheese
2 bottles of greek salad dressing, your choice.
pint of milk
bag of salad mix
pita bread

From your pantry:
Olive oil
1 egg
1 onion
garlic powder
flour
butter
salt and pepper

Prep part 1: (10 mins)
Thinly slice the eggplant and marinate it in 1 bottle of the greek dressing overnight.

Prep part 2, the next day: (20 mins)
Thinly slice the potatoes. Brown in a frying pan with 2 tablespoons olive oil. Set aside.
Dice the onions.
Fry the onions in a tablespoon of butter, add a teaspoon of garlic powder, and a 1/4 cup of the marinade that the eggplant has been resting in. When the onions brown, pour in your can of of tomatoes. Add a teaspoon each of salt and pepper. If you've got some oregano, a couple of dashes is a nice touch. Now, if for some reason she's NOT a vegetarian, a half pound of ground beef goes very nicely in this mixture. Just brown it with the onions at the start of this segment.

Put a couple of teaspoons of olive oil in the bottom of a casserole dish, and use a paper towel to coat the dish evenly.

Now, in your casserole dish, layer eggplant, then some of the onion & tomato mixture, then feta, then potatoes, then feta, and repeat until you're out of ingredients. Sort of like a lasagna, with eggplant for the noodles. You want your top layer to be eggplant.

Bake covered (aluminum foil will work if your dish doesn't have a cover) for a half hour at 350 degrees.

While that's baking, combine 2 tablespoons of butter, a cup of milk, 2 tablespoons of flour, and a tablespoon of garlic powder. Whisk or stir briskly over medium heat until the mixture comes to a boil. Now beat in one egg, stirring until it's one consistency.

Pour this sauce over your casserole, and top with the Parmesan cheese. Continue baking for another 30 minutes. Remove the cover, or foil, 15 minutes before finish.

Serve just like a lasagna, with a small salad on the side, and a piece of pita bread, cut into 4 wedges. The extra bottle of dressing is for your salad.

This meal takes over an hour with prep time, but it's delicious and sure to impress the non-meat eater you want to meet your meat. It's not hard, despite the many steps, and is pretty much impossible to screw up.

I suppose if you're having a vegetarian over, you might also want to have some marijuana and a dessert ready. Check your local laws to see if that's acceptable or not. This is a pretty heavy meal, so strawberries and whipped cream might be the ideal dessert. It's an awfully sensual one as well.

Drink suggestion: Red wine. After dinner shots of Ouzo.