Now, just to be clear, before I started writing this newsletter I heated up a cup of tea. And watered the plants. And refilled the dog’s water bowl and put on some chapstick and googled how much fat is in a Starbucks scone. But that’s not frittering. That’s settling. (It’s amazing how helpful language distinctions are when one is rationalizing). So what’s the big deal, you may be saying as you read this. A little frittering never hurt anyone. The problem is that when we look at “what we don’t want to do,” the list includes everything from cleaning the toilet with a toothbrush, to things we actually do enjoy once we begin, like writing.

In other words, everything that isn’t simple and pleasurable and easy to begin. So outside of eating ice-cream, that leaves pretty much everything else. And if we fritter between these activities… well, you get the point. If we look at how we want to spend our lives and put it in two columns – on one side, things that are meaningful and on the other, things where time passes with barely a blip on the aliveness scale, most of us would want to have more things on the first side.

So, given our proclivity to fritter, what’s a human to do?

As I write this, I’m noticing my dog lying down by the window, his breath fogging up a corner of the glass. He appears to be resting, but when I look closer I see that he’s actually eying a squirrel out the window. His body is relaxed, yet his attention is focused. Although it doesn’t appear to be the case, he is engaged.

So when we look at these normal frittering activities, perhaps a small step in the right direction is some degree of engagement? There’s surfing the internet in a way where we are checked out and time is passing, and there’s surfing in a way that perhaps we are still noticing the feel of our bottom on the chair, or the way the tips of our fingers both hit and slightly hug the keyboard at the same time. We may not jump from full-out frittering to full-out fabulousness, but we can take a moment to be conscious. To notice, without judging, what’s going on. And who knows, maybe when we do that, we might surprise ourselves and close the keyboard and get on the phone to book salsa classes because we’ve always wanted to. You never know where one step towards engaging with ourselves might lead……

As founder of Backyard Pearls, LLC, Carolyn Scarborough helps people tap into their inner wisdom, then share it with the world through books, blogs and articles. As a Writing Wisdom Coach, she supports you through the journey from inspiring idea to published piece in a way that’s joyful, effortless and profitable.

She’s done almost every kind of writing imaginable, including magazine features, newspaper columns, books, journaling — even ghostwriting for Donald Trump! Her favorite sort of writing is the kind where she has to be really present to find the story, so her life and writing are both a constant awakening to a deeper, richer way to live in the world.

To subscribe to Backyard Pearls Newsletter, visit the site here.

Request your complimentary “Getting to Know You” session to start turning your inner whisperings into a published book, blog or article.

You may reprint the featured article, in its entirety, by including a byline and the following information: “Carolyn Scarborough helps people tap into their inner wisdom, then share it with the world through books, blogs and articles. You can get a free audio on overcoming writers block by clicking HERE.”

Somewhere during our magical trip to Crete this summer, I re-connected with something I had lost. I’m still in the process of sorting out what it was and what it means, but it has washed over me and won’t let go (in a good way).

In the busy-ness of life, it’s easy to forget such things. It’s easy to forget the scent that reminds you of careening down a slide and landing in the dust with a happy plop. Or the first time you saw the vastness of an ocean. Or even what makes you laugh so hard you get a little woozy.

This is why I write. Because sometimes the pace of life lures me in and I charge forward using my brain all day and forgetting what I know. Yet when I sit down and reach out for words, I have to go down the passageway of the heart to find the right ones. The ones that don’t ring hollow, or chirpy, or of anything that isn’t as close as I can get to truth in the moment. Sometimes I sit for an hour, asking “Is it true” for everything I write and keep answering no, no, no and feeling like time is wasting and I’d rather be doing anything else and then poof, up pops truth.

So I am retrieving. In my writing, in my life. As I sit here and write this, I’m looking at our new entry table with the face of the Greek god Apollo on it, wreathed in flowers and a golden lyre. I chuckle whenever I see it because it reminds me of decorating right out of the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.” It was purchased as a reminder of my Greek heritage, and it’s the shape and size of the stones that press olive oil, just like my papou did many years ago in the small village where we spent part of the summer.

The writing I love most are the words that are connected to my essence. You know, that thing we lose sight of when we don’t take time to pause. Because really, it doesn’t matter if you go to Greece or your own backyard. It’s about remembering who you are, and then carrying that with you whether you are writing or taking out the trash. Or dancing on the roof…

As founder of Backyard Pearls, LLC, Carolyn Scarborough helps people tap into their inner wisdom, then share it with the world through books, blogs and articles. As a Writing Wisdom Coach, she supports you through the journey from inspiring idea to published piece in a way that’s joyful, effortless and profitable.

She’s done almost every kind of writing imaginable, including magazine features, newspaper columns, books, journaling — even ghostwriting for Donald Trump! Her favorite sort of writing is the kind where she has to be really present to find the story, so her life and writing are both a constant awakening to a deeper, richer way to live in the world.

To subscribe to Backyard Pearls Newsletter, visit the site here.

Request your complimentary “Getting to Know You” session to start turning your inner whisperings into a published book, blog or article.

You may reprint the featured article, in its entirety, by including a byline and the following information: “Carolyn Scarborough, The Book Whisperer, helps people tap into their inner wisdom, then share it with the world through books, blogs and articles. You can get a free audio on overcoming writers block by clicking HERE.”

I see this often with clients. They’ll have their “public” writing, and then they have their secret journals and blogs where they write simply for the benefits of expressing themselves.

As we talked, my pool buddy explained how when she writes in the safe environment of her secret blog, she accesses a “higher, wiser part of myself.” It’s a place of discovery, of playing with possibilities, and of birthing stories that want to emerge from her so she can experience them and let them go. She feels that writing for the general public wouldn’t give her the freedom to really express herself.

I was honored that she chose to share with me the link to her secret blog. What I found there was writing from the heart. From sharing a moment watching baby birds leave the nest with an 18-year-old daughter about to “leave the nest” herself, to explorations in faith and intuition, these indeed were wise, poignant musings.

While I’d encourage her to swim with bigger audiences one day, I certainly understand that simply the act of writing them is “enough.”

In “The Book of Awakening,” author Mark Nepo says, “It seems the more we express, that is, bring out what is in, the more alive we are. The more we give voice to our pain in living, the less build-up we have between our soul and our way in the world. However, the more we depress, the more we push down and keep in, the smaller we become.”

For me, even the act of journaling adds vibrancy in my life.  A pattern I’ve spotted is that the more I pause to write and reflect, the more awake I am in everything in my life – including my eating, noticing beauty and even how I brush my teeth. This “secret” writing enlarges me.

My pool buddy will know if and when it’s time to share what she’s written… meantime, it’s energizing her in ways that help her float in life rather than getting pulled under. As we bobbed in the cool water, watching the sun dip lower and lower, we were both appreciating that moment… and perhaps will write about it in our secret journals. Or in a not-so-secret newsletter!

Writing Pearls

• Is everything you write published for an audience, for your eyes only, or a mix? What blend would help you feel fully expressed with your writing?
• What tie-in is there between what/how often you write and the amount of aliveness you feel? Do you feel any different just after you’ve written?

As founder of Backyard Pearls, LLC, Carolyn Scarborough helps people tap into their inner wisdom, then share it with the world through books, blogs and articles. As a Writing Wisdom Coach, she supports you through the journey from inspiring idea to published piece in a way that’s joyful, effortless and profitable.

She’s done almost every kind of writing imaginable, including magazine features, newspaper columns, books, journaling — even ghostwriting for Donald Trump! Her favorite sort of writing is the kind where she has to be really present to find the story, so her life and writing are both a constant awakening to a deeper, richer way to live in the world.

To subscribe to Backyard Pearls Newsletter, visit the site here.

Request your complimentary “Getting to Know You” session to start turning your inner whisperings into a published book, blog or article.

You may reprint the featured article, in its entirety, by including a byline and the following information: “Carolyn Scarborough, The Book Whisperer, helps people tap into their inner wisdom, then share it with the world through books, blogs and articles. You can get a free audio on overcoming writers block by clicking HERE.”

Boundaries are letting others know where the line is, and limits are how far you will or won’t go. For instance, when I suggested a short coaching session during her sabbatical, she immediately said no. Her boundary was clear. Yet she did it in such a loving, intentional way that I didn’t take it personally. Far from it, I respected her more. She knows that it’s all those little “exceptions” we make that eventually put a big dent in our plans.

On the other hand, I too had limits set for my summer, which included minimizing the number of new clients I’d take and the workshops I’d do. While I was successful on some fronts, I wasn’t on others. I realized that, rather than making a firm commitment, I’d made a hazy intention. I hadn’t gotten full clarity on why this was important to me, and what I stood to lose by not holding firm.

That’s where many of us stall. We aren’t clear in the first place, so when those boundary shifters appear, we waffle. Soon the thought, “Well, maybe this one time” starts creeping in and before we know it, we’ve lost sight of what was truly important to us and are dancing to other people’s tunes and feeling resentful. No one is perfect with this, but the quicker we can catch it, the better.

I’ve also discovered that boundaries are not walls. A wall is sitting down to write and not making exceptions… ever.  But as author John Lee says, “The emotionally intelligent adult can easily set boundaries and limits that can be pulled in, extended, or shifted based on new information, more experience, or choice.” As I’ve been writing this newsletter, my daughter popped her head out the door to where I’m sitting on the front porch and belted out a song. It was a fun two minute break, so I chose “yes” to it, and when it was over I went back to work. Had my wall been up, an automatic “no” would have been there and I would have missed that feel-good break and possibly regretted it later. Had my wall been non-existent, I would have not only heard her sing, but would have answered the phone, gotten side-tracked with Facebook and taken our exercise-deprived dog for a walk.

What I’ve discovered about boundaries and limits is that I have to start with clarity – really understanding my own needs and desires. I also have to give myself permission to have these wants in the first place, and then to follow them. Far from limiting our possibilities, boundaries and limits expand them. We release distractions and focus more clearly on that inner voice that knows our greater good. As I write this, I’m already envisioning for myself a full month off in late summer to travel, recharge and spend time with family. There’s nothing so freeing as a good boundary or two…

Writing Pearls

1. What is an area that’s important to you, in writing or life, where you’d like to see more progress but have instead been feeling frustration?

2. Where are other people crossing the line or where are you overextending yourself to the degree that it doesn’t feel good?

3. Notice this without judgment. Then, decide what boundaries and limits would better serve you?

As founder of Backyard Pearls, LLC, Carolyn Scarborough helps people tap into their inner wisdom, then share it with the world through books, blogs and articles. As a Writing Wisdom Coach, she supports you through the journey from inspiring idea to published piece in a way that’s joyful, effortless and profitable.

She’s done almost every kind of writing imaginable, including magazine features, newspaper columns, books, journaling — even ghostwriting for Donald Trump! Her favorite sort of writing is the kind where she has to be really present to find the story, so her life and writing are both a constant awakening to a deeper, richer way to live in the world.

To subscribe to Backyard Pearls Newsletter, visit the site here.

Request your complimentary “Getting to Know You” session to start turning your inner whisperings into a published book, blog or article.

You may reprint the featured article, in its entirety, by including a byline and the following information: “Carolyn Scarborough, The Book Whisperer, helps people tap into their inner wisdom, then share it with the world through books, blogs and articles. You can get a free audio on overcoming writers block by clicking HERE.”