These Google-Doodlers' Parents Should Have Searched for Better Names

McKaydelyn Khlowee Maddisyn — Wed, 13 May 2009 20:29:27 UT

Google is running a contest where schoolkids submit "Google Doodles" (those special logos Google shows on their website for holidays and other occasions.

Fortunately, several statewide finalists have been honored on Google's website.

Unfortunately, some of them have names like:

Ainsiey
Alavia
Amari
Aspen
Baylie
Blakely
Brice
Brittnee
Caitrin
Chanel
Emerald
Harshitha
Keelin
Keston
Maradeth
Moritz
Paiton
Rockylin
Sinceraty

One student boasts the OK first name of Ashley but the iffy last name of Yackamouth.

Seen on the Tube

McKaydelyn Khlowee Maddisyn — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 23:22:03 UT

The Tina Fey - Amy Pohler movie Baby Mama has hit OnDemand, and it doesn't miss the opportunity to ridicule modern naming practices. During a playground scene, "Remy" and "Cheyenne" are late for a play date with "Wingspan" and "Banjo." Later, Amy Poehler's character gives birth to lovely little "Stef." Short for Stephanie? Nope, it's "Stefani -- as in Gwen."

To continue my sick day, I found my way to TLC OnDemand and a virgin slate of episodes from Toddlers & Tiaras, one of two competing reality shows about child pageants. Pageants are always promising sources, since pageant moms are already self-selected for the kind of narcissism that leads to bad baby names. Otherwise, how would concepts like "butt glue" and "spray tan" be in a preschooler's vocabulary?

I can't prove it, but I rewound to hear it again and I believe one of the also-rans had a name that sounded like "Contagia."

Continuing on TLC, the Duggers are gonna be grandparents! 20-year-old daughter-in-law Anna has been married to 21-year-old Josh Dugger since around yesterday, and the young couple are joyously committed (at least as long as TLC's checkbook is open, I guess) to "leave it up to God as far as family size." Free Anna! Free Anna! The newly outsourced womb and her husband have, however, promised not to bestow a name beginning with J.

In actual baby name news, LOST star Josh Holloway and wife Yessica are the proud parents of Java Kumala Holloway. I hope they call her Jive.

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These Google-Doodlers' Parents Should Have Searched for Better Names

Seen on the Tube