Bad Booking's Blogs

Backlash: A Sleepy Show and Other Thoughts

2018-05-07T20:36:00.000-04:00

I am very fortunate that pay-per-view events are aired live on the WWE Network. For $9.99, not only does it not feel like a major commitment, but I can conk out when I need to.

As with the case Sunday night with Backlash.

After a long day that involved doing a charity walk, I fell asleep right when the AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura clash was about to happen.

Apparently, that was a good thing. A no disqualification match ended on a double countout.

Let me repeat that.

A NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH ENDED ON A DOUBLE COUNTOUT!

Both men performed a Bobby Hill to one another and this is the result? This is the kind of crap you do to midcarders on Raw or Smackdown as a feud enhancer, not with the prestigious WWE Championship at stake!

Before I get to the rest of the card, the disgraced WWE Championship must be contrasted with the other championship whom is chronically MIA: the Universal Championship as held by Brock Lesnar.

There was a piece somewhere on a forum that proclaimed Brock’s championship reign is a lot like Triple H’s “Reign of Terror” that happened between 2002-2005. It has to do with the length of the run(s), the amount of ridiculous predicaments they somehow got out of, and “burials”.

Okay kids let me get this straight off: These two title reigns cannot be compared apples to apples nor oranges to apples.

In the year 2003, Triple H was more or less the diamond in the rough of this business. You don’t need to take my word for it, its more or less what he said every week at the top of Raw in those monotone 20 minute promos he cut. Most of his feuds revolved around WCW talent (Booker T, Scott Steiner, Kevin Nash, a little splash of Chris Jericho), which I’m convinced Vince McMahon wanted to look bad. Triple H’s ego is huge, but you need one to solidify yourself on a business level. I’ve addressed this in the archives in other posts.

By the same token the World Heavyweight Championship in 2003 was given a new life and thus a new identity. Keeping the belt on Triple H, an established talent, would make it a big deal for whomever would dethrone it. A long reign was needed, even if that meant doing some unpopular business. Hunter in this regard was always a company man and was also dabbling in certain aspects of production. He was looking to secure his future as early as then.

In the year 2018, Brock Lesnar was more or less an attraction that Vince invested heavily in. The fruit rollup of a championship belt showed up only on certain episodes of Raw and the PPV’s. Brock spoke very little, fortunately that assignment was passed off to his eloquent Advocate Paul Heyman. Brock’s feuds have seen him get his share of getting his ass kicked, but when it comes to PPV matches, it takes only one F5 to put most people down. It’s the sort of thing that ruins the credibility of the rest of the roster to keep Brock strong. The less said about Roman Reigns the better.

With minimal work, Brock is about to pass the 434 day reign set by CM Punk between 2011-2013 as the longest running in modern day WWE. Has Brock drawn? Sure, but he’s devaluing the championship by being an absentee figure. Brock is not the same character as he was in 2003, but he doesn’t need to be. He’s literally calculating every move with a dollar sign. This sounds GENIUS, but there’s only so many suplexes you can throw before you get called out on it. WWE paid Brock a ridiculous amount for a set amount of dates. Any more dates would mean more $$, and that could be catastrophic too.

Back to Hunter for a moment. As noted, his reign was more or less conceived to value the World Heavyweight Championship as a bastard heel a la Harley Race or Ric Flair. In 2002, the WHC was resurrected to be the championship the Raw brand could fight for after the WWE Championship became exclusive property to Smackdown. With the exception of Shawn Michaels winning the belt at Survivor Series 2002, Triple H held the championship for about a year straight. Some of that time also included painful injuries, like a hematoma on his left thigh, crushed trachea, and a torn groin muscle. He still appeared every week making contributions wherever he could.

At the end of the day, here’s the final take: Brock Lesnar is a businessman who doesn’t really love the business, but Triple H is a businessman who actually loves the business. There is almost no fair comparison. I handicapped the situations as seen above, and any other opinions can be formed from the eyes of the reader. If only Brock and Hunter had a feud in 2002-2003, because those matches with Lesnar as a bump machine would have kicked ass.

Speaking of things that rhyme with ‘ass’, that’s the cue to segue from segment to segment, let’s go to the match with Big Cass and Daniel Bryan from Backlash. It was exactly what I thought it was going to be, and that’s not a knock. Cass is not exactly three dimensional in the ring, but he has the size that can’t be taught to his advantage. After 8 minutes of getting his ass whooped, Bryan slapped on his lock. Did Cass tap? YES! Cass would also beat down Bryan post-match to get his heat back. That being said, I think that feud is over, time to bring on Miz for DB.

Referring back to The Miz, he had his contractual rematch for the Intercontinental Championship against Seth Rollins at the top of the show. For as much as I rag on Miz for being bland in the ring, I have to give the guy credit for delivering moves with calculating effects. Rollins had his right knee buckle on him at times where he should have lost the title, but he didn’t. This bout lasted 20 minutes, and it was by far the best match on the show.

Another highlight was the Elias segment which turned into a cluster. New Day flap jacked the segment, followed by Aiden singing in English about Rusev Day, followed by an appearance by that new guy from NXT? No Way Jose! The punchline led to Bobby Roode coming out of nowhere giving Elias a Glorious DDT to end the segment. I thought this was going to turn into an impromptu 6 man tag between New Day plus Rusev/English/Elias, but once the conga line came out it wasn’t going to be a trip. At least not for Titus O’Neil and crew. #titusworldslide

The women’s matches sucked generally, which was a shame. The pre-show bout with Ruby and Bayley was nothing home to write about, but Ruby gets the duke and a stroke of confidence. Alexa and Nia was more or less a small rehash from ‘Mania, but it gave Alexa more of a fighting chance. Nia’s promo post-contest seemingly brought back Be a Star from the ashes and got booed for it. That’s what happens when you deliver that white meat babyface promo in front of a Jersey crowd. Carmella beat Charlotte in a weird finish. No finisher, just Carmella takes advantage of Charlotte's knee and pins her. At least the pin combination made Grandpa Gustafson proud.

Of course Brashley won their tag squash against Kami, and a Samoan named Joe beat Samoan Joe in a “ROMAN MUST BE STRONG” match. That latter match was so captivating people left while the contest was in progress! Someone had to spear the midnight traffic.

Speaking of things that can’t go wrong, here’s a video of zen:

Play Ball: The Dawn of a Stranger

2018-05-06T19:48:00.001-04:00

It’s been roughly 3 years since I last wrote a blog post. Or really anything creative in general. A lot has happened personally in that time, up to and including being perennially busy with professional obligations. A creative jolt can wake up the dormant mind from time to time, and so with that being said...

Here I am!

Since my last blog post, which kind of telepathically predicted Seth Rollins would cash in the Money in the Bank briefcase at WrestleMania 31, a lot has changed in the WWE. Yeah sure the product is in a state of flux consistent with ‘The Simpsons’, and sure the product has several ingredients they don’t know what to do with.

We’re also seeing superstars and matches I never would have thought of seeing in the ‘E.

For example: Who in the blue hell would have predicted AJ Styles would not only come into the WWE, but be more or less the premiere driving force in the company? He brings out the largest pops on Smackdown each week, he brings out the best matches, and he’s quite a damn good talker. I’ve seen bits and pieces of him elsewhere, but not in a consistent light like this.

For my money, AJ’s hiring in the WWE is the genesis of an in-ring evolution. It’s a genesis that could go as far back as 2012 when NXT was becoming a baby brand. Say what you want about Triple H with his in-ring abilities or his supposed ego, but he has a knack for putting his finger on what’s hot in the business. Seth Rollins became the inaugural NXT Champion, and from there the Orlando-based grappling developmental organization has grown quite a lot of prestige.

Look at the names of whom has come up since 2012: Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns (BOOO, sorry had to do it), Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, Finn Balor, Shinsuke Nakamura, Charlotte, Becky Lunch, Sasha Banks, Bayley, Alexa Bliss, Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper, Erick Rowan, Apollo Crews, Asuka, Andrade Cien Almas, The Ascension (hey they try), Authors of Pain, and the list goes on and on.

Many fans might remember guys like Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn probably wouldn’t have been a second look if this was something like 2008 or 2010. Never mind the fact they’re from the proverbial island of misfit toys, but the overall consensus was that WWE was only truly interested in home grown talent at that point. Developmental was not as fleshed out either. There wasn’t a dedicated brand where its not just the talent that get to hone their craft, but the writing squads, and other administrative positions within. If it weren’t for this, those poor orphanages in Mexico might not have a representative.

The most ironic part here? For all that was just written, AJ was one of those few world traveler wrestlers who never had to go to NXT. He was 95% ready made for the WWE when he got there. For as crappy as TNA/Impact has been, it has done good in preparing worthy talent for the main stages. This is what NXT strives to be for the not as seasoned.

As fans will also tell you, whenever there is a ‘big PPV’ weekend like the Royal Rumble or WrestleMania, there is an NXT Takeover event that outshines the main card. The shows are between 2-3 hours long and deliver non-stop great stuff from bell to bell. Consider this: the last Takeover, which happened during WrestleMania weekend in New Orleans, was bookended by two literal five-star classics. Those matches in question were a ladder match for the North American Championship, and an emotional Unsanctioned Match between Tommaso Ciampa and Johnny Gargano (aka Johnny Wrestling). If you have not seen this event, go out of your way to do so. It’s easily the best Takeover I’ve seen, which is not faint praise, and probably the best WWE PPV of this decade.

Admittedly I don’t watch a lot of NXT first-run programming. My heart and soul on Wednesday nights lies with Lucha Underground. It’s a more theatrical presentation of wrestling, as seen through the El Rey network and the production mastermind of Robert Rodriguez. As a whole that channel is amazing with grindhouse flicks, horror flicks, and samurai warrior movies on top of daytime runnings of old 80s action shows.

I digress on shilling El Rey. We’re here for the show that has a mariachi soundtrack, Matt Striker and Vampiro call the action, and the best damn heel authority figure in wrestling since Vince McMahon: Dario Cueto.

This magnificent son of a bitch possesses swagger and a set of bolas to match. Whether in produced vignettes or in front of the audience (aka The Believers), he wheels and deals like the evil underground he runs. There are cops trying to run his organization out of business, and the cops are either murdered or Joey Ryan.

Yes, that Joey Ryan. The one that Jim Cornette despises because he ruins the business like Bruce Prichard does with a botched Goldberg segment. The master of the dong style. His presence would almost make you think Rick Rude was his father, but then you see his wrestling and it cannot be further from the truth.

Over the years, many a wrestler has stepped foot in the Boyle Heights arena, which is affectionately known as ‘The Temple’. This is a sampling of whom has been in this temple: Prince Puma (aka Ricochet in NXT), Rey Mysterio, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Alberto El Patron (aka Alberto Del Rio), Johnny Mundo (aka John Morrison/Nitro), Pentagon (Dark), Taya, Fenix, Aerostar, Sexy Star (yes, I know the controversy), Mil Muertes w/ Catrina, Metanza Cueto, and that list goes on.

Most matches are quick but smash you in the mouth with their intensity. Some gimmicked matches, like an All Night Long match or the Aztec Warfare match (their version of the Royal Rumble), go the length of a whole episode.

If you're not familiar with LU in general, please click on the link provided here.

To finish this piece off, I’d like to thank all the visitors whom collectively have somehow given this passion project 100K reads. As a result, in addition to making new content, there are blogs with “gaps” in them that should be addressed. Gaps is defined as pictures/videos with broken addresses, such as to Photobucket (or photophuckit as I call it), or another online resource. There are many old blog pieces that have apparently found new audiences over the years, and in some ways the context is gone due to non-existent content. I hope to get those pieces as updated as much as possible. Maybe from here the creative spark comes back and more pieces can be written.

For now, here’s a video of zen:

Fantasy WrestleMania 31 Booking

2015-03-12T20:11:00.000-04:00

Whoever wins, we all lose.

If you’re like me, then you are probably wondering how in the living hell can the ending of WrestleMania 31 go well.

On one hand, you have Roman Reigns. He is the 2015 Royal Rumble winner. He has also come under scrutiny for not being the man the fans want to see win it all. Damned as he tries, he’s not 100% ready for the chance to dance with the lights on bright.

On the other hand, you have BROCKKKKKKKK LESNARRRRRRRRR! Dramatization aside, he is literally a beast. A beast that the WWE may not be able to contain within its own confines. He’s a special attraction superstar who has quite the following with a manager whom eloquently speaks for him whenever he wants. Plus he has got UFC wanting him back.

So what do you do? What do you have to do to throw the fans a memorable swerve?

Use the monkey in the room, Seth Rollins!

Yep.

For one thing, the placated happy ending is too passé. Sure there have been endings with bad guys standing tall before, like Triple H in 2000 and The Miz in 2011.

At the same time, there’s been a happening, as Gorilla Monsoon would say, that has never happened on the grandest stage.

This is where Rollins comes in.

Despite the fact that it’s been 10 years since Money in the Bank had its inaugural match, not a single superstar cashed in their contract at WrestleMania.

Not one.

Which is why if it needs to be done, Rollins is the man to do so.

So without further ado, let me run you through how I would make this ending stick out. Therefore it would also create a back door for Lesnar if it just so happens that WWE isn’t in his game plan in the foreseeable future.

THE MATCH (starting at the end)

Lesnar had just hit Roman with the F5. Brock slowly goes over for the cover.

1-2-…

KICK OUT!

This crowd can’t believe it. Why can’t Roman lose? Or win? Or… well, that’s how undecided this crowd is.

Both men get up with Roman being able to go into a corner. Lesnar tries to do a shoulder tackle but eats some ring post.

Lesnar turns around only to eat a SPEAR!

Roman, who has been beaten up something fierce, slowly rolls into a cover.

1-2…

KICK OUT!

Roman’s eyes go wider than Big Show at a buffet table!

As both men get up, Brock hooks that right arm of Roman’s into a Kimura! Immediately Roman goes to the ropes, only to get hooked right back in the center of the ring.

After a while of fidgeting, Roman has to give in.

SUPERMAN TAPS! Brock owns his ass and the title once more!

Paul Heyman happily grabs the title and hands it to his client. Lesnar is unconquerable.

Or is he?

J+J Security (Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury) run down and jump Lesnar from behind. As soon as they do, Seth Rollins joins in on the fun.

Heyman goes from being shocked to having an evil grin on his face.

“FINISH HIM,” yells the walrus.

The trio assemble a table, then Lesnar, into the triple-team powerbomb and connect on it center of the ring.

Rollins, ever so cocky, hands in the briefcase.

Reigns has recovered enough to go at the security team. Only he gets triple-teamed as well.

Roman is forcibly handcuffed to the ropes as Rollins mocks him. The case is in, and the ref rings the bell!

Brock tries to get up but instead eats a CURB STOMP.

1-2…

KICKOUT!

WHAT?

Lesnar kicked out on sheer instinct here.

Brock tries to get up again but Rollins nails him one more time with the STOMP.

1-2-3!

Rollins is your new WWE World Heavyweight Champion!

The collective of Rollins, Mercury, Noble, and Heyman celebrate over the fallen Lesnar. Seems like a business deal fell through and another business deal got executed all at the same time!

All we know for certain from here is that a shoot by Heyman with Rollins standing tall is in the offing the next night on RAW.

Bad Booking’s Top 10 Elevating Moments of Steve Austin

2014-04-27T11:04:00.001-04:00

(Author’s Note: Originally written in October of 2011. Some older references will be kept in here.)

What can be said about a man whose career has been summed up in so many ways?

Steve Williams, who was pretty much forced to change his name to Austin as to not conflict with “Dr. Death”, went up the ranks the “hard way” (that means territories kids), and earned respect en route to being the highest grossest superstar WWE has ever had.

Amongst his many DVDs, coming out November 29th will be the grand-daddy of them all. Entitled “Stone Cold Steve Austin: The Bottom Line of the Most Popular Superstar of All Time”, it’s a stacked deck featuring hours upon hours of rattlesnake-brewed goodness, topped off with a brand-new documentary that accounts for the man’s life. The DVD version is 4-discs, while a Blu-ray version has 3 with more hours of content not available on the DVD. Essentially, this a must-own for the holiday season and I can’t stress enough that WWE usually makes documentaries worthy of several re-watches.

That being said, I must note there were certain times in the WWE that shaped Austin into the man we all know as a legend and icon. It wasn’t all beer and/or Stunners you know. So here I am about to count them down, but in chronological order. Ladies and gentlemen, that’s the bottom line, because... (well you know)...

1. “AUSTIN 3:16 SAYS I JUST WHOOPED YOUR ASS!”, King of the Ring 1996

It’s elementary to put this on here. To newer fans, they may not get the full context of this ground-breaking moment.

Starting things off, it wasn’t even supposed to be Austin winning the whole shebang. As a matter of fact, the original winner penciled in was supposed to be Hunter Hearst Helmsley, but was scratched post-Curtain Call. HHH would win it the year later.

In a roundabout way, Austin’s career was about to be salvaged in a huge way.

Austin’s career was in purgatory for a while. Injuries later in his WCW career forced Bischoff to fire him. During his “rest period”, as in the time between WCW and WWE, he went to a little promotion.

You might have heard of it. The promotion was ECW.

Between outrageous promos and good matches, Austin caught fire as perhaps of the most underrated/un-tapped talents in the wrestling world.

Ironically, this never caught on with WWE management originally.

After being hired, Steve was saddled with Ted DiBiase and coined the new Million Dollar Champion. As The Ringmaster, Austin had milquetoast matches supposedly showing off his technical skill.

After the Beware of Dog PPV, DiBiase left WWE to go to WCW leaving Austin on his own.

Through an inspirational tea session, Austin got his ‘Stone Cold’ moniker by complete accident as he was warned by his ex-wife to drink the tea before it got ‘Stone Cold’.

However, as the saying goes, “…and the rest is history!”

Stone Cold valiantly battled in the semi-finals and finals of the King of the Ring tournament. After the semi-final matchup with Marc Mero, Austin was forced to go to the hospital to receive stitches after a kick by the Wildman. With a somewhat disfigured mouth, Austin would then defeat Jake Roberts in the finals, and thus win the crown.

The promo that would proceed this was one the WWE would never let it’s fans forget. “Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16... Austin 3:16 says I just whooped your ass!”

As a heel, this BY FAR got the biggest pop of the night. It signaled a wind of change in the WWE, as the Federation soon made a hot-selling t-shirt, and 3:16 would soon become legendary in the WWE. Amongst many other things.

2. “DON’T COUNT ME DOWN!” RAW, 10/28/96

Second half of video is where it’s at.

Bret Hart finally appeared on RAW after a six month sabbatical away from television (but not necessarily wrestling as he was booked on overseas tours). The first one to “greet” him so to speak was one Steve Austin.

After some time of taunting and “old man” jokes, it’s made official: Austin, Hart, Survivor Series.

Make no joke, their match at MSG is an underrated classic, as a later match at Wrestlemania would be more memorable and pretty much launch Austin into the stratosphere.

On the buildup however, Austin was launching into his darker side. Crushing Brian Pillman’s ankle on Superstars is one thing, but what he did here was disturbing and hilarious all at the same time.

Hart was at his home via satellite while Austin was in front of a camera either at the arena or WWE Studios, who knows. It sounded like a straight-forward interview until Austin starts flipping the shit.

Of course in production, it’s protocol to segue from one segment to another by giving the subjects at hand a proper countdown silently.

That’s the problem with Austin however: HE DICTATES THE COUNTDOWN!

He became so enraged that he threw a production assistant into a ladder, and smashed equipment on set! This Austin would be closer to 1998 Austin in destruction, but this is definitely a darker edge in the Rattlesnake character.

3. Austin Wins the Rumble (for the first time), Royal Rumble 1997

At this point in the history of the Rumble, only two men started inside the top ten and won the event.

One would be Ric Flair in 1992 from #3. Shawn Michaels started on the pole (I mean #1) in 1995 and won the 1996 Rumble as well.

So for a man like Austin whose credibility was being established, winning this event would be a massive deal.

However, he’s still very much a heel at this point and therefore there MUST be shenanigans afoot!

Oh yes, there will be shenanigans!

Starting fifth, Austin would be the man large and in charge for the duration of the event. Throwing man after man over the top, it seemed elementary Austin would win.

That was until Bret Hart showed up.

The two brawled, and before you know it, #30 would be out.

Now before you say well Austin won the Rumble, let me tell you he didn’t!

What happened was that Terry Funk and Mankind (Mick Foley) were fighting at the ringside area and it brought upon the attention of all the referees. In the confusion, Bret dumped Austin over, but since the refs never saw it, Austin went back in, and dumped Hart along with Vader and Undertaker to win the 1997 Rumble.

This would set the stage for the next moment, one that would literally make the Texas Rattlesnake.

4. A Picture Tells a Thousand Words, Wrestlemania 13 (1997)

To think, Bret should have faced Shawn in an Iron Man REMATCH from the year before for the WWE Championship!

That being said, I must say this match is one of the most influential matches of all time. Not just because it was one of the first ‘Manias I ever saw on tape, but because of the 30 minutes that literally could have been the show itself.

Since October, Bret and Austin have been at each other’s necks. The Monday before Wrestlemania didn’t make things better, as Austin interfered in the cage match, but Undertaker slammed the door in Hart’s face, thus letting Sid to retain the title and let the two big men go at it for the title on the grand stage.

Bret, in a fit of unparalleled rage, threw babyface announcer Vince McMahon down to the canvas and unleashed an uncensored foul tirade the likes one live television audience never saw before.

With both Austin and Hart on the teeter-totter of turning, Wrestlemania 13 undoubtedly was going to be remembered for the Submission Match, which was going to be referred by Ken Shamrock of UFC fame.

For the first 15 minutes or so, it was wild brawling in and out of the ring, but mostly out. On the outside, Bret threw Austin into the guardrail, and busted him wide open. As in, Bret had the blade and busted open Austin for the first time in Austin’s career. If anyone wants to challenge me on this, go read Bret’s autobiography, right here!

Blood was definitely not common in the WWE at the time, and I believe Hart had permission from Vince to get a little color. However, “little” became a “gusher”, as literally the arena would have somewhat of a new paint job courtesy of Austin’s crimson.

The ending saw Austin in the Sharpshooter from Hart, with blood STREAMING down. Close-up shots were particularly nasty as Austin would scream in agony with blood running down into his teeth!

After unsuccessfully trying to counter, Austin “passed out” from the blood loss and pain. Shamrock stopped the match and Hart was named the winner. Hart was pissed he couldn’t get the actual submission, and thus kicked at Austin again. Shamrock threw Hart away, and therefore Bret turned heel officially. Austin however wanted no help, kicked a referee down, and turned face. Definitely a milestone moment in WWE, as they did a double-turn not only successfully, but would ensure the world a new superstar in Austin.

5. Austin Destroys Bret’s Knee to “Obligacry”, RAW 4/21/97

Bret Hart is rolling with momentum. After a decidedly fresh heel turn in the wake of Wrestlemania 13, he was able to patch up the feuding brother/brother-in-law tag of Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith to form the Hart Foundation once again.

This will influence the main event of “Revenge of the Taker”. Bret and Austin faced off once again, but Austin would gain the duke after Hart’s cronies ran in. Austin would get the last laugh after slapping on Bret’s sharpshooter on Bret, and thus we have ourselves an evolution of a feud!

To start off this edition of RAW, it was announced that Austin, newly-turned face, would face Undertaker (ultra-mega-over-face) for the WWE Championship at the event “A Cold Day in Hell”. While Austin didn’t sidestep it, he also didn’t waste time to call Bret’s ass to the ring. As a matter of fact, he only gave Bret SIXTY SECONDS to come on down before the Rattlesnake would start to look for him.

Predictably the clock runs out, so Austin raises all sorts of hell trying to find him!

When Austin hits the ring again, Bret actually meets up with him. Hart was smart, and wasn’t truly alone. Davey Boy and Owen jumped him, but Austin wasn’t shaken. As a matter of fact, Austin had an unlikely ally...

SHAWN MICHAELS!

Michaels was battling a supposed knee injury that forced him out of WrestleMania. Though Shawn wouldn’t wrestle in this time frame, he would make sporadic appearances on RAW. Austin would take notes on this later.

After Shawn’s chair-wielding antics, Austin had Bret all alone. Austin used a chair to “soften” the knee of Hart, and then slapped on the Sharpshooter for a LONG time. Long enough where Bret had to be loaded into an ambulance post-beatdown!

Of course Bret’s ride wouldn’t be totally peaceful as Austin would jump Bret AGAIN!

Turns out in real life, Bret injured his knee in an overseas tour, and surgery was required. While Bret would have his surgery, he wouldn’t be off the television screens for long. In a wheelchair and/or crutches, Bret would still raise hell to Austin’s hell and would lead to an epic summer.

In addition, Brian Pillman would also get revenge on Austin. After a five month layoff, Brian returned at the conclusion of this episode of RAW to hand Austin his own ass on a platter. Pillman would shortly then join the Hart Foundation. Again, this would lead to an EPIC summer!

6. Austin “Stampedes” Into Calgary, Canadian Stampede 1997

Remember the epic summer hinted in the prior entry? Well, this match was a culmination of sorts.

Manning the Foundation, we have Bret Hart, Owen Hart, Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart, “British Bulldog” Davey Boy Smith, and Brian Pillman.

Austin’s team consisted of the Redneck, Goldust, Ken Shamrock, and the Road Warriors Hawk & Animal.

With how the roles flip depending on what border you’re on, the crowd reactions stayed consistently insane.

Canada definitely led the way in terms of audience enjoyment. When the Hart Foundation came out, it was as if God himself came out.

On the other side of the coin when Austin came out, they disemboweled him like Satan. AUSTIN LOVED IT! Kind of akin to when Jim Ross says Mick Foley loves pain.

It was a tremendous brawl in the Saddledome. Ten men, no slowdown, and no let up from the paying audience.

At one point, Owen was “taken out” by Austin, and had to go to the back. Only for Owen to rollup Austin and win the match for his team and a boisterous Canada!

As the Harts celebrated, Austin stirred the shit with the patriarch Stu, matriarch Helen, and assorted siblings in the front row. With the action escalating to the ring, Canada’s finest (and no, not MOUNTIES) put Austin in handcuffs to haul his ass away.

But not before flipping the audience the bird up the ramp... IN HANDCUFFS!

8. BOTCH! Summerslam 1997

The title for this entry comes from this, one of the absolute funniest videos I’ve ever seen from a video game. Go check it out now!

With how the ‘Stampede’ ended, it was announced for Owen and Austin to compete for Owen’s Intercontinental Championship at Summerslam.

With that in mind, here we are for Summerslam 1997, the first PPV event held In New Jersey in quite some time. (Erm, erm, taxes and ballyhoo…)

Austin and Owen were in the penultimate match with only Bret and Undertaker left to go.

The action was fairly standard for it’s time. While Owen would be technically on the upswing, Austin would brawl out of it. Typical formula but a fine match nonetheless.

Then disaster struck.

Austin came off the ropes, and would then be picked up by Hart to be piledriven ala Undertaker.

Only Owen landed on his ass instead of his knees.

While the immediate severity wasn’t disclosed, it was obvious Austin wasn’t selling in the middle of the ring. He was legit hurt, and very badly.

To kill some time, Owen played to the crowd and told them he was gonna finish him off. Austin though got on his knees long enough to make an awful-looking rollup to win the belt.

In the weeks following his injury, no one knew how severe Austin was hurt because he was always on TV contributing to the best of his ability. This next entry will prove that to its fullest, and bring the flagship RAW program one of its most controversial moments ever!

9. “OH GOD, AUSTIN’S STUNNED MCMAHON!” RAW 9/22/97

Even without this event taking place, this particular edition of RAW was going to be historic.

For the very first time, RAW emanated from Madison Square Garden, the mecca of WWE. As the arena was literally the home-base for so many years when WWE was a territory, it was surprising it took nearly five years for RAW to hit MSG.

When it did however, the show that happened was as Neil Patrick Harris would say, “Legend....wait for it.... DARY!”

Not only was the IC title tourney heating up (due to Austin’s injury/forfeit), there was also HBK’s issue with Undertaker and Bret Hart, in addition to Cactus Jack debuting in WWE (as opposed to Foley being Mankind previously) as he would defeat Triple H in a Falls Count Anywhere match.

EASTER EGG ALERT!

About halfway through the show, Austin was about to raise hell. Only problem was that Austin had a restraining order from Owen Hart, and you what that means!

Owen won a ‘grueling’ match. He would try to dedicate thw match to his loving brother Bret…

BUT HERE COMES AUSTIN!

Gorilla Monsoon would call this a Pearl Harbor job. Austin continued the attack until New York’s finest came in armed and ready. Vince McMahon got up from the table and needed to talk to Austin.

McMahon told Austin he understood that Austin was upset not being able to compete. While being on the program was fine, breaking the law was not.

As Austin told McMahon that he is appreciable that the Federation cares about his physical status, he tells him he can kiss his ass.

STUNNER!

At the time, Austin had Stunner’ed EVERYONE, including Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler, so McMahon was inevitable. No less exciting to see it happen.

As McMahon lay quivering on the canvas, Austin willfully had the cuffs put on him with a somewhat-sinister laugh.

Jim Ross on a later DVD they tried making Austin a premier bad guy in the WWE, but the fans wouldn’t buy it. This was DEFINITELY formidable proof.

10. “TYSON AND AUSTIN!” RAW 1/19/98

The night after the Royal Rumble usually sets the tone for Wrestlemania. This particular year was no different.

With Steve Austin winning the Rumble for a second straight year and a pretty much crippled Shawn Michaels retaining the WWE title in a Casket Match against Undertaker, the clash for ‘Mania would be a blown-knee versus blown-back affair.

However, Vince wanted to spice up the proceedings even further.

Mike Tyson and his posse surrounded the ring, fresh off of appearing at the Rumble in a box suite, with Vince on the stick. As Vince announced who the special guest enforcer would be come Wrestlemania...

...GLASS SHATTERS

“This is Stone Cold’s ring,” a clearly-nasal sounding Jim Ross exclaimed. Austin walked and talked with a purpose down the aisle as he would run in and badmouth Tyson. After some sign language and more badmouthing, the two got into it.

And Jim Ross went neck-fat bat-shit crazy.

“TYSON’S GOT AUSTIN, AUSTIN’S GOT TYSON!”

With Vince yelling, “YOU RUINED IT,” Austin made his point known. For the lead-up to Wrestlemania, Tyson sided with DX. At the end of the main event where Austin won the title, Tyson revealed a 3:16 shirt to side with Rattlesnake. Two of the world’s toughest sons of bitches joining forces was never explained further, but if it was, WWE wouldn’t be a company anymore due to Tyson’s outlandish appearance fees. Hey, a man’s gotta pay forta fi for his hoes!

IN CONCLUSION: On the way to the stars, aka winning the title in 1998, Austin has some pretty awesome moments. While most of these are talked about, there were a couple I think might have been forgotten, like the Stampede and Hart’s knee ones.

Austin’s a man whose career reads like a good story, without most of the bitter side-effects most wrestlers endure. He’s won titles, respect, and more importantly, is the face of an era that could never be duplicated. For that, I salute him with a thumbs up on 3:16! ‘Cause I said so!

P.S: Do yourself a favor and download some of Austin’s podcasts! They’re funny, uncensored, and absolutely what you expect out of a rattlesnake!

(Post Updated: 4/27/2014)

Flickr Tags: wwe,wwf,wrestling,blog,steve austin,rattlesnake,3:16,royal rumble,wrestlemania,summerslam,survivor series,madison square garden,shawn michaels,bret hart,hart foundation,amazon,affiliate,bad booking,blogs,marc mero,vince mcmahon

Update Post to Infinity and Beyond!

2013-12-21T15:37:00.001-05:00

Direct from WWE’s YouTube page. Enjoy!

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

The last time I wrote an article, it was the SummerSlam countdown list that should have been concluded.

But wasn’t.

Quite frankly guys, it’s what happens when life gets in the way, and thus the reason I haven’t written anything in a damn long time.

Starting at the end of the summer, I embarked on a new schedule. I would be taking on work and school, and all the driving/working/learning/studying that went along with it. It meant my days started real early, and ended very late. So late I couldn’t even catch a glimpse of RAW, and barely anything of SMACKDOWN.

If it weren’t for my other family at the MARKS and the local Buffalo Wild Wings for the PPV’s, I would be 100% lost on the direction of the programming. Trust me though, I’m only 99% lost.

In my absence of writing anything, I do want to truly note that the traffic generated to this blog is astounding to me. I never had high aspirations or dreams for this blog yet I can’t fathom that as of this writing the 50K view mark is nearing.

Therefore I am going to write a new article or two while I am on a break from school. I’ve had the itch to do so but never had the time. Don’t expect my views on the current product because I literally have nothing to contribute. But what I can contribute is something I do best. Whether it be DVD or countdown related, it should be something you fine people will enjoy reading.

Thanks for viewing this blog and hope you read more articles in the future!

Top 15 SummerSlam Sizzlers Part Two!

2013-07-27T09:07:00.001-04:00

(To read part one, please click here.)

It will be here before you know it! WWE’s got their big annual summertime tradition coming up in the form of SummerSlam.

Since its inception, SummerSlam has generally been regarded as the second biggest PPV of WWE’s fiscal year. Storylines begin, climax, and end all during this time. In the background, strange one-off occurrences can also make their presences known. Some of these accentuating angles may not seem big at first, but time can definitely measure the staying power.

By this definition, a ‘sizzler’ could very well be a synonym for ‘attribute’. In this countdown, you will see major revelations, reveals, flashes, screwjobs, etcetera, that have made SummerSlam the hottest ticket for PPV subscribers since the inaugural event in 1988.

Without further ado, time to put the meat of the article on the grill and let it… sizzle.

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Last we met you, here are the 15-11 choices:

15. WWE Got It’s Seventh Man Fit to be Tied- SummerSlam 2010 (aka: Daniel Bryan’s shocking return to the WWE after being fired.)

14. The Winds of Change- SummerSlam 2002 (aka: Brock Lesnar winning the Undisputed WWE Championship.)

13. Undertaker URNED That Turn!- SummerSlam 1996 (aka: Paul Bearer turns his back on his Undertaker to partake in Mankind.)

12. Goldberg Loses The Game- SummerSlam 2003 (aka: WWE swerves the masses by making a legitimately Jewish man lose to a man with an Iron Cross symbol in an Elimination Chamber. Sick irony I know.)

11. Liz Flashes Her Mega Bucks- SummerSlam 1988 (aka: At least the panties match the Mega Powers drapes!)

Now we continue with the countdown…

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10. BOTCH-A-GREE! SummerSlam 2000

This is one of those rare times where a simple moment like what you are about to decipher can easily be depicted as foreshadowing. A rare misfire in the Attitude Era, but one that would leave small rippling ratings dips in its wake.

Before we get to that though, let’s analyze how the Olympic Hero and The Game got to this point.

First off, the match in question is a Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship. Triple H and Kurt Angle challenge The Rock for the gold.

Angle/Hunter collectively got the chance after pinning Chris Jericho in a triple threat. Both men got the chance, and both men despised the sentiment.

At one point, Hunter tries to teach Trish Stratus an abdominal stretch. You know, because men try to tap that fine ass as much as possible! In reality though, they were tagging together, and this looked perfectly “innocent”.

Then Steph walked in. She was absolutely enraged with her husband in that compromising position. As things sorted out, Steph wanted ‘space’.

In the meantime, that’s where Kurt comes in.

Kurt acts all lovey and affectionate towards Stephanie noting how there shouldn’t be a problem with them being friends.

Hunter disagreed mightily.

The two men bickered, and fought, and reconciled, then fought, and bickered, again, and again.

In the crossfire on SMACKDOWN one week, Steph went off the ring apron and into the steel steps! McMahon was knocked out, and was assisted back to the locker room by her husband Hunter.

Hunter left Steph in the care of medics as he went back out to help Kurt in the tag match they were in.

Only Kurt walked out on Hunter and went backstage.

A lying and prone McMahon-Helmsley, seemingly out of it. Angle said he cared for her, and then kissed her.

Yes, as in, one of those things you shouldn’t do with another man’s wife.

So then the main event hit. Angle hit the ring.

Then a pissed off Hunter.

Before the bell rung, they were off to the races already!

Both men spilled to the outside, were the Spanish announce table was torn apart by The Game.

Hunter hoisted Angle up. It’s prime-time Pedigree position on the table!

Hunter tries to jump…

…BUT THE DAMN TABLE COLLAPSES!

Both men fall in a heap, but Angle by far looks the worse for wear.

Hunter tries to grab the sledge…

IF YOU SMELLLLL blares over the intercom and the match gets underway.

Rock wins, but not before Hunter punches Steph, and Angle hammers Hunter. Rock takes Angle over the top while Hunter later eats a People’s Elbow for his troubles.

Now we get to the analytical part of this whole ordeal.

For the first time in quite some time, WWE had an inflated female audience seemingly drawn in with this angle. Quite frankly pro wrestling at times is like a testosterone-driven version of soap operas, however this angle definitely had its fair share of melodrama as well.

Triple H looked like was going to turn babyface from the angle as the positive receptions he drew grew more and more with each passing event. In the storyline, Stephanie should have ended up with Kurt.

Only it didn’t happen.

Sure Kurt and Triple H had a good match at Unforgiven the following month, but the angle did not come to a satisfactory conclusion. Instead, it drew away viewers in droves. Not bad enough to where WCW had a flaming shot in hell to win the ‘Wars, but bad enough to where the company had a figurative shiner heading into the new year.

From what was understood, two things happened that prevented the angle from being that red hot. 1: Hunter didn’t want to turn. 2: Both Hunter and Stephanie, who were really starting to have a relationship in real life, didn’t want to be split apart on TV permanently. Yet.

Which is what I was trying to prove with this Pedigree gone wrong. Although the idea caught fire early, it just wasn’t meant to be.

9. Hogan Doesn’t Know Best!- SummerSlam 2005

We didn’t get 1995 Shawn Michaels in this match. Or even 2005 Shawn Michaels.

Instead, we got a man who was so pissed off with creative direction that he took it out on the man he was supposed to carry. A dream angle went totally awry, and all on ego.

Let’s start at the beginning shall we?

The kick-start to this summer feud started on the most patriotic of all days: July 4th. On RAW, Shawn and Hulk teamed up to face Kurt Angle and Carlito.

Like quite a few times before, Hogan hit the big boot. This time it was on Carlito.

Like quite a few times before, Hogan got the pin and win.

Like quite a few times before, Hogan and Michaels celebrated in jubilation!

Only this time, Hogan never saw the next part coming.

He got a Sweet Chin Music courtesy of Michaels and HBK (W)records!

RAW ended with Shawn leaving Hulk in a pile middle of the ring. Shawn stared down at the fallen Hogan with a disgusted look like it had to be done, no matter how many times he convinced himself it wasn’t a good idea.

The next week on RAW, someone who wanted to get an answer was ironically no other than one of Hogan’s old nemesis’ Roddy Piper!

Shawn stayed steadfast in silence during most of the interview. While Shawn did mention he superkicked Hogan so he can get him in the ring for a match, Piper thought it wasn’t good enough. Michaels had it, and therefore superkicked the Hot Rod!

The following week, HBK ended his classic promo with a spin-up of his own phrase: “Watcha gonna do… when the Heartbreak Kid doesn’t lay you for you!” A mixture of 1997 HBK with 4th-wall breaking Hogan antics.

Shawn’s mocking of Hogan’s politics didn’t end there.

One episode of RAW featured a take-off of Larry King cunningly titled Larry Bling. Bling’s guest is Hulk Hogan, but it’s Shawn Michaels DRESSED (down to the bald head and moustache) as Hogan!

“I DON’T WRESTLE THE SMALL TOWNS BROTHER!”

Amongst many other quotable quotables.

That segment, which featured more walls being broken than in a planned explosion, ended with HBH (Heartbreak Hogan) kicking Bling nearly out of his chair!

Then HBK fully undid the costume threatening Hogan about reality kicking him in the face, which was exactly what Shawn did to the camera!

Even that however couldn’t prepare the faithful for the segment to come.

August 15th in Montreal was a promo in infamy.

Shawn came out in suit/tie to first sing a little ditty: “OH CANADAAAA… I HATE THIS PLACE! OH CANADAAAA…. I’M GONNA KICK HULK HOGAN RIGHT IN THE FACE!!!!”

Later, Shawn also admitted that he hated Canada as much as they hated him. More importantly, he was gonna call Bret Hart out!

And nothing.

HBK admitted it was a ruse.

So then Hogan’s music came.

Rused again!

Shawn practically denounced Canada, and also warned Hogan he was thisclose to have his rear-end snuffed out like Bret Hart’s. Hogan later got jumped by Michaels in the main event when the Real America took on the Olympic Hero Kurt Angle.

So now we’re at SummerSlam from the nation’s capital, Washington D.C.

Shawn comes out like normal.

Hogan comes out with American flag donned in the background.

Yet right from the very beginning, something seems “off”.

Whenever Hogan did ANYTHING to Michaels, Shawn would proceed to oversell it like crazy.

This wasn’t my originally intended choice, but the video that was got yanked. Sorry kids :(

Did I say oversellous?

Sure Hogan would bleed and win the match, but it’s all elementary.

This feud (from what was reported) should have played out over several months. Shawn should have won at SummerSlam to kick it off. Hogan would then have a win at the next RAW PPV in Unforgiven. Then the next time the two would face off was going to be Survivor Series inside of a cage. Who the winner was going to be I don’t know, but the blow-off would have been at SurSer.

Essentially, Hogan didn’t want to lose to Michaels mainly because “he was too small”, brother.

Also the same reason why he didn’t want to lose the WWE Championship to Bret Hart at SummerSlam in 1993!

All the while, Michaels’ overselling is a spectacle you must go out of your way to see. It’s obvious that Shawn’s passion told a different story than what was originally supposed to be told.

Speaking of something that goes well with mommy’s milk…

8. Alberto Del Rio Runs on Diesel Power- SummerSlam 2011

Money in the Bank has fast risen at a prestige event in the WWE. 2011 was a great example of why.

CM Punk, fresh off of one of the greatest promos cut in the history of professional wrestling, was challenging John Cena for the WWE Championship. In Punk’s hometown of Chicago! With the added stipulation that if Cena lost, HE WAS FIRED BY VINCE ALMIGHTY GOD MCMAHON HIMSELF!

Sadly, the Chicago crowd never did get to see those ice cream bars…

But in any event, that crowd witnessed a five-star classic.

Literally.

32 minutes and it never got boring, which is a testament to how well these two work together when given a proper platform!

While Punk got trapped in the STF, the corporate head honcho Vince McMahon came down with #1 ‘Yes-Man’ John Lauranitis. The purpose of this was for Vince to call for the bell while Punk was in the maneuver, thus ensuring the belt would stay in the WWE.

Cena, to his credit, bailed out the ring and punched Johnny Ace RIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE!

When Cena got back in, he received nothing more than a good ol’ fashioned GTS from Punk! And guess what?

Punk went into the sunset. With the WWE Championship plus an expired contract.

The next night on RAW, Vince was about to say his magic words to Cena until Triple H showed up.

The newly-appointed COO (Chief Operating Officer) told Vince that the Board of Directors voted ‘No Confidence’ in Vince’s decisions, and thus would terminate Vince from his daily duties in running the WWE. Triple H would take over in Vince’s spot, ensuring “level heads” would prevail.

Or so we think.

A WWE Championship tournament would dominate that week’s RAW and the one after it. Rey Mysterio, who was literally weeks away from surgery again, won the WWE title in a final match against The Miz.

Only the announcement was made that Mysterio would face Cena later in the evening for said belt.

Despite both men being the WWE for a decade by this point, this was one of the only times Mysterio/Cena met one-on-one. Cena predictably won the title again and celebrated.

To some unfamiliarly new music.

Some very awesome music performed by In Living Colour. No, not the television show that gave you such characters as Homie the Clown and Fire Marshall Bill.

No, the titantron was red and black with John F. Kennedy and Benito Mussolini as subjects literally interpreted from the song ‘Cult of Personality’.

Who shows up? While CM Punk of course. WITH THE WWE TITLE HE HAD FROM MONEY IN THE BANK!

So now we have two champions, two belts. ~~At WrestleMania X, the ladder match. The bad guy,,,, TAKES ALL THE GOLD!~~

The conundrum for SummerSlam was set. Cena/Punk II for the WWE Championship. Only this time, COO HHH was in the house as referee to ensure a proper ending. Plus we got to see the match happen with bright lights, bigger city!

The match that followed was also really good. Maybe a slight step below MiTB, but still a great headliner event that easily was top five in best matches of the year from the WWE.

Cena was giving right-hands to Punk, but Punk ducked one of them into a roundhouse kick to the gut. A knee to the face on the ropes led to a GTS. Punk pinned Cena 1-2-3, although Cena’s leg was on the ropes.

Punk celebrated the win but as he came down from the ropes, he got mauled.

BY KEVIN NASH!

Nash beat the champ senseless, leading into a Jackknife powerbomb!

As Nash left, Alberto Del Rio showed up and cashed in Money in the Bank.

ADR picked the bones of Punk. Del Rio then gave an enziguri for the 1-2-3 and a title change!

Alberto celebrated his new found gold on the ramp as the show ended.

In the months ahead, Punk would battle Nash (before his quad pulled out again), Triple H (whom they fought each other at Night of Champions then teamed up at Vengeance), an unfounded conspiracy (with The Miz and R-Truth), and nearly being lost in the shuffle all due to this. Yet in the end, he beat ADR for the title at Survivor Series inside Madison Square Garden. Not bad for a guy who only months before wanted to leave WWE because of his frustration over the product!

7. As The Belt Turns- SummerSlam 1997

1997 WWE was a really, really crazy place.

For starters, we had an all-out North America War. The United States of America vs. Canada. Depending on which week it was, that was how those particular people were viewed, either good or bad. It made for some awesome atmospheres, especially with the Calgary Stampede PPV the previous month.

Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels were having a legitimately public feud transcending into kayfabe storylines. Many of the comments made in interviews turned out to have many meanings, leading to some chicanery that left a very real divide amongst the two men.

The WWE Champion, Undertaker, was amidst in storyline scandal himself. It was discovered that he had a long-lost brother, one who was believed to have perished in a house fire when they were children. Undertaker’s character had been covered in benevolence for years, but a dark shade of grey was exposed by former manager Paul Bearer.

Emotional abuse was starting to take it’s toll on the dead man. Add this in with two very combustible elements in ‘The Hitman’ and HBK, and SummerSlam literally meant its tagline “H(e)art and Soul”.

Shawn had left the company on a fluke weeks before. A backstage fight with Bret left Shawn hot and bothered. It’s also a testament that Vince thought so much of Shawn’s athletic talents that he let Shawn back in so quickly. Shawn’s duties for SummerSlam 1997 was that he was going to be the special referee for the WWE Championship match.

The question was whether Shawn was going to call it down the middle or not. If Shawn ref’ed the match with bias, his career in the US was over.

If Bret lost the match, straight-up that is, his US career was over. If Undertaker lost, well, he lost the title, but his career would be intact.

Many other names made their presences felt here, Multiple members of the Hart Foundation, along with Paul Bearer, made Undertaker suffer as much as they could.

But it wasn’t them who took down The Undertaker.

Bret Hart introduced a chair into the match, but it was whisked away. Shawn, on instinct, had the chair in his hand when he got spat on by Bret.

Shawn swung…

…and connected…

ON UNDERTAKER’S HEAD!

Bret made the cover, and Shawn did not like counting to 3 one bit. Bret’s the champ, which also meant HBK’s career was intact. Up until that point, Shawn was admittedly a very fair referee.

Off this match, Shawn would have feuds with Undertaker and Bret Hart, consecutively and concurrently.

Two of the most infamous matches in history happened after this. One being Hell in the Cell at Badd Blood, and the second being the title match in Montreal at the Survivor Series infamously dubbed, “The Montreal Screwjob”.

In reality, this was the beginning of the end for Bret’s active WWE career. Shortly after winning the title, Vince notified Bret that his contract couldn’t be honored due to financial constraints. Bret was free to look elsewhere for work (i.e: WCW). ‘Screwjob’ was a result of Bret not willing to lose the title for Shawn…

…whom ironically was starting to see the twilight of that part his career. Shawn was starting to have physical problems that would later escalate to the infamous casket bump at the Royal Rumble. After losing the title to Steve Austin at WrestleMania XIV, Shawn would “retire” from active competition for a while. Sure he would be on TV every now and then as the commissioner, but it was obvious his best days were far behind them… or were they?

6. Feels Like the First Time (Because It Was)- SummerSlam 1991

Sure, anyone can win the Intercontinental Championship. Hell, I can probably win it Monday night on RAW.

However, in the year 2013, the IC belt has the prestige of a Ford Pinto before exploding.

Back in the early 1990’s, the IC belt was not only a very prestigious championship, but it was the stepping stone to the WWE Championship. In addition, the belt also meant you are a workhorse capable of working with anyone/everyone.

Bret Hart by this point was only cutting his teeth into a singles run. While he was primarily a singles competitor in organizations before WWE, it had been quite a few years since Hart had been fully on his “own” so to speak.

Bret, with Jim ‘Anvil’ Neidhart & Jimmy ‘Mouth of the South’ Hart, became The Hart Foundation in the latter half of the 1980s. This team, whether heel or face, was ‘the team’. In a booming tag ranks, these two were the balanced ticket flag bearers.

Like most great things though, they must come to an end.

After their loss to the Nasty Boys at WrestleMania VII, Neidhart and Hart amicably parted. In today’s WWE, a tag team after splitting would become a insta-feud, because one partner would inevitably turn on the other. In this case, fortunately, Bret & Jim went on to do their own biddings.

Unbeknownst to Bret, he was about to start riding the roller coaster to the top!

For SummerSlam 1991, Curt Henning was at a career crossroads. His back was in really bad shape, and while he was Intercontinental Champion, he was just about to hang it up.

Only if Curt was going to lose the title, he would need to lose it to someone he can trust.

Bret luckily for him was that guy.

Two second-generation wrestlers, both recognized of superseding their fathers, were about to clash in probably one of the finest WRESTLING matches in SummerSlam history. Stu and Larry must have been proud papas watching their sons perform their respective crafts at such a high level.

While I won’t go into too much detail about the match here, I can tell you this:

It’s good. It’s damn good!

For 1991, it was probably the best wrestling (and I mean as in the craft of wrestling) match in quite some time. Every now and then I regret not putting this match as my 1991 pick for best matches of the 1990’s (you can see what I did pick right here),

The most significant nugget of this part of the countdown is that it is literally the birth of Bret Hart’s legendary singles run.

Curt tapping out to the Sharpshooter the way he did definitely helped. Not only did Curt’s selling of the move look like death itself, but it allowed Bret to use that finisher as a unique weapon in a game where mostly high-impact slams were the norm. Must be noted that Curt’s back, as noted before, was in a really bad way, so that early tap may have been partial shoot too.

1991’s SummerSlam was one of the best in history. Not only did it make new stars, but the main event of that show was quite something else as well….

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Wow, we’re getting down to the top 5 here people! Any spoiler given on #1 would totally give it away, but I will supply some tasty teasers for the moments ahead. There was a match made in(side) hell, and also in heaven. A massive turning point in the history of the WWE (cheap plug for that site), and a legend comes back to prove he still has more than plenty left in the tank! We’re on the Highway to Hell, all the way down to the bottomless depths of #1!

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Top 15 SummerSlam Sizzlers Part One

2013-07-20T14:55:00.001-04:00

It will be here before you know it! WWE’s got their big annual summertime tradition coming up in the form of SummerSlam.

Without further ado, time to put the meat of the article on the grill and let it… sizzle.

_________________________________________________

15. Team WWE Got It’s Seventh Man Fit to be Tied…-SummerSlam 2010

The irony is overwhelming in the year 2013.

Wow, three years ago already? For a lot of us fans, this seemed like only yesterday!

As a good chunk of this audience recalls, one of the most shocking debuts in WWE history definitely belongs to the renegade group known as The Nexus. Consisting of all the NXT rookies from the first season (Wade Barrett, Michael Tarver, Heath Slater, David Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Skip Sheffield (aka Ryback), and Darren Young), their signature plan of attack would be to surround the ring, then scavenger the prey like savages.

Now notice how I “forgot” to type in someone’s else in the above description.

That last man in the equation was Daniel Bryan.

Bryan, whose real name is Bryan Danielson, was an indie darling before coming to the WWE, and also by far the most experienced wrestler the group had. On the NXT show however, he was made to look like the never-say-die guy who lost all the time.

That had no affect on Bryan going into the Nexus debut.

All eight of these rookies on June the 7th made their menacing alliance in an orchestrated, albeit unpredictable attack on John Cena. From the ramp and the audience themselves, these band of misfits suddenly looked like they were a force to be reckoned with.

A force… that literally destroyed the RAW set!

In the fracas, Bryan got to ring announcer Justin Roberts. Bryan used Roberts’ own tie to choke the bastard purple.

This caused Bryan to be “fired” from the WWE.

In an unwritten rule, apparently no chokes can be used in a WWE match. When this rule was enacted, the author doesn’t know. There were aspirations from other forces to be at hand too, but their impression wouldn’t last too long here.

By the time SummerSlam rolled around, Team Nexus (which practically was the aforementioned group with Bryan) versus Team WWE was practically announced as the main event for the show. While Nexus had seven of their guys, WWE still needed one more.

While several men, including Money in the Bank holder The Miz, applied, only one man was selected.

Say hello to the Benedict Arnold of NXT himself, Daniel Bryan!

The Los Angeles crowd were in Staples (yeah, sorry for the pun) over the choice. It was ironic given the affiliations, and yet all so satisfying because we all thought Bryan was gone from the WWE never to be heard from again. Bryan would ultimately make Darren Young tap, but also get eliminated by Wade Barrett (thanks in no small part to Miz).

To think: John Cena picked Daniel Bryan to be on their team in 2010. Now in 2013, Cena picked Bryan to be his opponent for the WWE Championship. This could be HUGE come August the 18th, but for right now, let’s celebrate the shock that was the seventh man being Daniel Bryan.

In addition, I give you the infamous ‘butthole’ promo from Arn Anderson during this time period:

14. The Winds of Change- SummerSlam 2002

(Author’s Note: Please read that title in Wade Barrett’s voice. It’s all part of the “bigga pitcha”, one that is never understood nor explained…)

On one corner, is devastation defined. A big brutish dude that stands 6’4”, 295 pounds, has a great mouthpiece in Paul Heyman, and that doesn’t even begin to describe strength feats that read out of a Paul Bunyan playbook. NCAA Champion and soon-to-be UFC fighter, this guy can destroy anyone!

In the other corner, is the definition of a great champion. The pride of Miami, Florida at 275 pounds. A football star turned into hereditary WWE star. A third-generation wrestler, he defied the odds of nearly being let go into becoming arguably the most successful man inside and outside the ring.

You’re damn right Brock and Rock had a lot of hype!

Brock Lesnar earned his championship opportunity by beating Rob Van Dam in the finals of the King of the Ring tournament. A tournament whose stipulation was that the winner earns an Undisputed WWE Championship match at the SummerSlam PPV. Brock’s torrid rapture through the WWE claimed that milestone only a mere three months after he debuted.

The Rock on the other hand was well… The Rock. After filming for several months, Rocky came back in-ring at Vengeance. He defeated The Undertaker and Kurt Angle to win ‘Taker’s Undisputed title.

Naturally, the stage was set: The rookie vs. the veteran. Youth vs. experience. Strength vs. agility.

The match was a grueling testament to both men. In addition was a raucous crowd of Long Islanders, who had switched their alliances during the match.

Between the crowd flipping and the inevitable, Brock Lesnar won the Undisputed Championship, and a trip to the great unknown.

It was quite a trip to see Lesnar win the title so fast and so convincingly. However, he would have to carry that momentum into the months ahead. Brock did an admirable job, setting up a face turn and more WWE title runs ahead of him.

He also paved the way for such men as Edge, Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerrero, amongst others, to creep up through the woodwork. The SMACKDOWN roster was the workhorse brand of the WWE, and with Lesnar as its main associate, the future looked very bright indeed.

13. Undertaker URNED That Turn!- SummerSlam 1996

As mentioned above, new storyline twists can certainly begin at the summertime tradition. This shocking betrayal is no exception.

For the most part, Undertaker has had feuds that came and went with no real continuity. With the exception of perhaps Yokozuna and the Million Dollar Corporation, Undertaker’s six-year run in the WWE by this point seemed unfestered by a continuous pest.

That was until Mankind showed up.

Mankind debuted the night after WrestleMania XII. He won his match with Sparky Plugg Bob Holly, and then attacked ‘Taker later in the main event.

This led to a King of the Ring singles match. It also led to something truly unprecedented. Undertaker, a character whose only times of loss came with humongous shenanigans, lost clean as a sheet, VIA SUBMISSION, to Mankind.

In a mini-feud with Goldust, ‘Taker came out on the losing end of a match at International Incident. Not because he lost (technically won via DQ), but it was due to Mankind pulling ‘Taker underneath the ring. After ‘Taker gets his wits about him, he starts beating up Mankind back to the locker room, THEN A BOILER ROOM!

So alas we are given a Boiler Room Brawl for SummerSlam.

In the mix lies Paul Bearer. A man who even with all this bad news going for ‘Taker is steadfast by his side, ready to take the hits when needed.

Only at SummerSlam, it was Paul who provided the hit of his own.

After a lengthy brawl in the boiler room, Mankind and Undertaker went back to the ring. The stip was that the winner had to get the urn from Paul Bearer.

Seemed natural for ‘Taker to win, right?

Nope!

‘Taker kneeled trying to get the urn, but instead was jumped by Mankind. Bearer laughed in the corner as the Mandible Claw once again choked the dead out of the Dead Man. Mankind, like a member of gang, held Undertaker like prey, waiting for more slaps and berating from the heinously fat human being. If PB is a human being…

For now, it shattered the relationship of two men who were deemed un-separable. Undertaker got his power from the urn, but now that device lies within Bearer, and new alias Mankind. This feud would continue with a Buried Alive match, a Survivor Series match where Bearer was suspended above a ring, and then a No Holds Barred match on RAW to cap 1996.

And this all happened before Hell in the Cell!

Long story short: it was a memorable turn. Unexpected and shocking, it played to a dark tune that would later be a great diversifier in the to-come Attitude Era.

12. Goldberg Loses The Game- SummerSlam 2003

It was clobbering time for Goldberg!

Triple H, the evil leader of Evolution, has had a stranglehold on the WHC dating back to Armageddon, December of last year.

Hunter had overcome every obstacle before him. Scott Steiner. Booker T. Kevin Nash. Shawn Michaels (again). Rob Van Dam. Kane (whom had to unmask). The list was full of talented and boisterous superstars who all fell to The Game one time or another.

Except Goldberg hadn’t really encountered HHH yet.

Sure there was a confrontation, or a match announcement, but no big deal.

Until the Elimination Chamber.

What saved Triple H initially was getting kicked right in the fucking face by Shawn Michaels. Yes, Trips was talking trash in the pod, the timer ran out, and HBK waited to deliver that present right to his kisser. It was glorious!

Goldberg not too long thereafter came in and dominated everything that moved with the subtlety of a Acela train!

Now it was down to the Goldberg and Triple H show-down!

Goldberg seemed to have his way early. He kicked the plexiglass of Triple H’s domain like Jack Nicholson with an axe. Soon thereafter, Goldberg raked Triple H’s bloody forehead against the chain of the Chamber.

Triple H would have divine intervention by the name of Ric Flair.

Flair was able to get a sledgehammer in-between cracks of the Chamber. It was a well-devised ploy by the Nature Boy.

As Goldberg ran for the spear, he intercepted the sledge instead of Trips’ body, This allowed a weak Triple H to get the pin and the win.

In most video games, the penalty for game over is by starting all the way back either at the beginning of the game or that particular level. For the bald-headed monster, it was a beat-down.

A bloody roar of a beatdown!

Trips and Flair were joined by Randy Orton, whom ironically ate a Goldberg Spear earlier in the match.

Some slaps, some punches, and some ever-lasting sledgie shots. All in a days work for the dealers.

This pissed a lot of internet fans when this happened. Primarily because the original outcome should have been Goldberg beating Triple H to become champion.

In a singles match!

Triple H legitimately had a torn groin muscle at this point. He was wearing those long pants for a reason kids, and he still had to consummate a marriage a couple of months later! Goldberg was also injured, hampered by shoulder problems for the last couple of months.

From what this author deducts, SummerSlam could have been a disaster if both of the main headliners were injured and unable to go 100%. In its wake lied a perfect excuse to add four other guys and make this a Chamber match. Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho, Kevin Nash, and Randy Orton were added in what was essentially a disguise. A disguise to the bigger picture ahead, which at Unforgiven, finally gave us the one-on-one with Goldberg/HHH that everyone wanted.

Knowing that, it’s almost safe to say that it was the best of all worlds. WWE wasn’t playing the predictable card. The villain came out really heinous here, and it made the paying audience willing to see his execution the next month. Not only did Goldberg’s slay (as opposed to Santa’s Slay) play an important role in that time period, but it would make Goldberg’s success all the much more sweeter.

Let’s also not forget that it also made the single-brand PPV’s the thing to watch due to that foresight.

Here’s an added video of Chris Jericho dying for his sins:

OUCH!

11. Liz Flashes Her Mega Bucks- SummerSlam 1988

Now for something a little more innocent. If a woman flashing her covered undercarriage is considered that…

At the inaugural SummerSlam, the main event consisted of The Mega Powers (Hulk Hogan & Randy Savage) versus The Mega Bucks (Ted DiBiase & Andre the Giant). The WWE Championship was not up for grabs, but pride certainly was.

Let’s also add in a special referee, Jesse Ventura, who had dollars slipped into his pocket by DiBiase to ensure the match was rigged! This was before the days of…

The powers that be were certainly aligning to make sure this match was going to be memorable!

But not in the way you expected.

Later on in the contest, Savage tried to drop the elbow on Andre. Sadly for the Macho Man, he took a size 20 boot to the kisser and flew out of the ring like a Frisbee! Hogan tried to use DiBiase’s own finisher, the Million Dollar Dream, against him. Before it took real effect, Andre attacked Hogan from behind. Andre’s headbutts to Hogan’s neck sent Hulk packing to the ringside area.

Both the Mega Powers are down! Jesse tried to start a count, but Elizabeth was standing on the ring apron. So were the managers of the Mega Bucks, Virgil and Bobby Heenan!

In an act of defiance, Liz ripped off the skirt of her dress to show red undies!

This stopped EVERYTHING in its tracks!

At least just long enough to where Hogan and Savage can do a power shake and recover!

Hogan comes back in and Andre goes for him. What Andre doesn’t see is Savage flying with an axe handle to the back! Andre lumbers out the ring while DiBiase gets the crap beat out of him. Hogan slammed DiBiase, Savage dropped the flying elbow, then Hogan capped it off with the leg drop. Hogan made the pin, but Savage forcibly threw down Ventura’s hand to the canvas for a ‘3’.

Before you go asking yourself why I included this on the list, consider the following:

In 1988, women were merely footnotes in wrestling. They were either wrestling in macabre matches, or they were valets. Rarely did they speak, and rarely did they do anything of significance. Sure Cyndi Lauper made things exciting a few years before with the Rock n’ Wrestling stuff, but no actual woman on the wrestler had the power to fully convince an audience of their endeavors.

Elizabeth was a ground-breaking woman in this regard. Either a heel or a face supporting Randy, her doting eyes at ringside could tell a story like almost no one else. She was classy, dignified, and also irresistible. Men wanted to be with her, and women wanted to be her.

Which leads to this.

This was the one time where she intentionally objectified herself in the open so she could help her men overcome the battle at hand. It made a regular match memorable certainly, but this was also unheard of!

This took place years before women wore intentionally skimpy clothing to elicit a pop from the crowd. Hell, I think some men forget Lita was a legit good wrestler. All they remember is whatever color strap of thong she was wearing that week.

Sure Kaitlyn might have popped a nipple on RAW a while back, or Sable had hands painted onto her breasts, but don’t forget how they all started. It was a result of desperation tactics from the person you’d least expect.

Freaking Hulk also managed to throw that piece of cloth into the audience! Spunk bunk indeedth!

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In the next installment of ‘Sizzlers’: A dose of Attitude, but not in the way you expect. It was the beginning of a run, and the start of the end for one superstar in particular. The most hilarious unprofessional overselling of all time is discussed. This and more in the next post!

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Quick trivia tidbit: What do the first installments of WrestleMania, Survivor Series, Royal Rumble, and SummerSlam all have in common? Other than Hulk Hogan being WWE Champion, it should be noted that the WWE Championship was not up for grabs in any of these events!!! At ‘Mania and SummerSlam, Hogan was in big-time tag team matches. Survivor Series is self-explanatory as he was the captain of his team. At the inaugural Rumble, Hogan had a contract signing with Andre the Giant for Saturday Night’s Main Event, but did not wrestle!

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The WrestleCrap Tribute Post

2013-07-11T09:07:00.001-04:00

Every now and then you’ll see a reference to the phenomenon in my work. It’s one of the reasons why I remain a fan of wrestling, even when the product becomes so drearily bad you want to stab yourself in the eyes with flaming hot daggers.

In actuality, the website celebrates the product that becomes so drearily bad you want to stab yourself in the eyes with flaming hot daggers.

Launched on April Fool’s Day 2000, that was the mission of the site. Founded by a Baer of a man, RD Reynolds set out to do what no else had been able to do successfully. He had his fair share of stumbles and struggles along the way, but over the last 13 years, the URL has been a safe haven for marks and wrestlers alike to kick back and chuckle at the failures of professional wrestling.

The inductions are the meat of the site. They range from a simplistic moment in time, to whole eras which can’t be taken back (aka: they ruined the company).

Every year the ‘Crappers take time out to decide The Gooker. Not unlike the Academy Awards for motion pictures and the Grammies for music, Gooker is a symbol of anti-excellence in the field of sports-entertainment for the year. Winners have ranged from Diva Searches, to The Invasion, or just flat out Eddiesploitation. Yes, that is a word! While the nominees all get inducted in due time, just the sheer vitriol flung at the winner reminds us that not only can we endure some real crap, but at least it can be “cherished” in time.

While the heart of the inductions is the staying power of this website, many other sub-plots to the URL contribute varying forms of entertainment as well!

“It Came from YouTube” is the part of the site where you want to roll your eyes. Yes, million/billion dollar corporations had the gall for men to fight over turkeys and for Adam West to wrestle in a track suit!

Whatever you buy, it can’t be as bad as the Katie Vick outfit from “Someone Bought This”. WWE-branded ties are pretty close I imagine.

Ever wanted to see quality armchair quarterbacking? Go read some “ReWriting The Book”!

Celebrate the jobbers who make the stars look good in “Jobber of the Week!” Yes, Mr. X should be on every wrestling card losing their match in SECONDS!

Even newer segments, like “The Meme Event” and “The Headlies” make sense on a page like this. Brilliant sarcasm win the day every time, and it’s no exception here.

Before you read onto the next portion of this article….

…do me a favor.

Please click on the link, rightchere, to go to Wrestlecrap.com. The site as it stands has a always-wealthy supply of original content as mentioned/written by RD and a band of merry scribes (such as Blade Braxton, Justin Henry, Paul Kraft, and others). In addition, there are many discs you MUST purchase. Shoots, career retrospectives, archives, and roasts, OH MY!

PLUS THEY HAVE BOOKS! WrestleCrap: The Very Worst of Pro Wrestling was RD’s first book in 2003, and the title explains itself. Hilariously enlightening read, even if it does need a slight refreshening (tsk tsk). Next up is RD’s co-collaboration with Bryan Alvarez on the definitive tome on The Death of WCW. It reads easy but very sadly too because you’d never expect a promotion like WCW, with the backing it had, to go belly up. Lastly, for now that is, is the book RD and Blade wrote entitled The WrestleCrap Book of Lists! Ever wanted to know the crimes Undertaker would be arrested for while knowing what the most generic hometowns of wrestlers are? That book is the solution for all your needs!

Now that you’re done exploring the wonders of the written works, its time to explore the inexplicably wonderful auditory assault perpetrated by a infamous podcast known as WrestleCrap Radio.

Debuting to the world on August 12th, 2005, RD Reynolds began the inaugural show by profusely apologizing to his legion of twelve listeners.

Not because the show didn’t go off without a hitch, but because he wasn’t sure about how his co-hort Blade Braxton would function. The guy had to be called six times to wake up! When Blade did wake up, they proceeded to go on with a show that would later become synonymous with ‘jumping the shark’. Because when I think of pro wrestling, I think of Bea Arthur and the “impending death” of Don Knotts.

While some episodes had a “Smokey and the Bandit/Stroker Ace” effect, they all had one thing in common: FUN. And oodles of it!

Whether it was discussions of alien ham, Big Lots rotten gummy bears, crazy people on Black Friday (some of my favorite all-time moments were from those episodes), Stubby the Hobo Dummy, IDIOTS IN CARS, Cinco de Mayo, Mike Check & the Poughkeepsie Market, Angry Jim Ross feeling incompetent sexually, or just reflections on “the tranny” (code speak for former Diva Ashley), these two jaw-jackers made entertaining radio podcasting look easy to execute. It makes any good day better, and bad days easier to go through. It was great knowing that you’re never more than a click or two away from some serious gut-busting laughing. Plus you get some Obscure Wrestling News, some story times from various cohorts, and Blade even wraps up the week in wrestling with fifteen syllables known as a haiku (that DOES NOT COME WITH CROWN AS ILLUSTRATED!). Somehow, I feel like I didn’t even scratch the surface on what the show has to offer…

If you haven’t thought about purchasing those archive discs yet, which feature just about every episode of WrestleCrap Radio, then watch these nuggets of gold first:

Good ol’ King Pedophile!

This should take off as a full-fledged internet meme!

Then go to what I call WCR-reincarnate, The RD & Blade Show! Feels like WCR without the segments, but still has the spirit of the original premise that made them “famous”. Because of the hectic schedules of both men, the episode count isn’t exactly meteoric, so a long day or two could easily catch you up!

That being said, there is only one way I can definitively end this post:

“What, (enter famous celebrity here) died? I didn’t even know (he/she/it) was sick!?!?!” (cue Krankor laugh)

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F-5 Fury Going Forward

2013-05-27T14:21:00.001-04:00

(Author’s Note: As I type this, it is officially Memorial Day here in the United States. Just want to thank all of the members of our defensive forces in uniform who made the ultimate sacrifice. Without them, as well as our living veterans, this blog post amongst many others wouldn’t be possible. Thank you for defending our freedoms!)

Hey everybody!

It’s been a little while since I’ve written a piece for the blog, and there’s a good reason. A myriad of health problems stemming from a faulty appendix kept me from being a normal human being for a while.

Now that I summarized two months of my life in a single paragraph, time to get back to business!

Extreme Rules took place a little over a week ago on pay-per-view. As a show itself, I personally found it somewhat as take it or leave it on a match quality standpoint. In terms of booking decisions though, this show seemed well executed with one major flaw.

Let’s get the flaw right out of the way first. That is the No-Contest in the WWE Championship match between Ryback and John Cena. It wouldn’t have been a big deal if it were a different stipulation. But, and I mean BUT, THIS WAS A LAST MAN STANDING MATCH! The count of ten ends the match, no matter who is down.

The Royal Rumble of 2004 saw Triple H and Shawn Michaels just about kill each other in a Last Man Standing war. Shawn superkicked The Game, and both men fell. Earl Hebner counted to ten, thus resulting in a draw with Triple H retaining the World Heavyweight Championship.

For WWE’s sake, what was so hard about a double-countout? It makes Cena’s legit injury look even more legitimate while Ryback doesn’t look like he jobbed again. I understand the whole concept of crashing through the stage, but Batista & Undertaker did that before to a double-countout. This could have easily worked, and the angle wouldn’t need to be changed.

WWE really needs to be thankful that they were able to further the feud with continuity, because that NC in a LMS match is a bullshit way to go. Thankfully it won’t be a crippling issue as the months go forward.

Now to the positives, and there were two major ones.

First off, need to tip my hat to The Shield.

This unique trio has opened my eyes. Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns have all exhibited tremendous ability in the ring. Better than that, the WWE has booked them to be almost indestructible. Dean owns the United States belt after he pinned Kofi Kingston, while Rollins/Reigns owning the Tag Team belts after they ruled supreme over Team Hell No. Their matches at Extreme Rules were amongst the best on the card, and with time will bring justice to the main event. I can’t wait until one of these guys gets the WWE Championship. With Money in the Bank coming around, it may be sooner than later.

Now to the title portion of the program.

Brock Lesnar and Triple H took their long-running feud inside of a shiny new cage to end the show. Over the course of a year, these two have beaten the living crap out of each other. Whether it’d be Brock breaking Trips’ arm multiple times, or Triple H knocking out Lesnar cold at WrestleMania, the climax would inevitably hit soon. Soon being Extreme Rules.

I’ll admit I wasn’t the biggest fan of this match going in. I haven’t seen ‘Mania yet, but I did watch SummerSlam. That match felt pitifully slow, and when Brock put Triple H in his Kimura, it felt like as if all of us were gonna tap out to boredom.

However, this cage match had just enough to keep it going forward.

For example, I liked how Triple H went after Brock’s knee. Lesnar sold it like a monster was wounded mortally! Also, I liked how Paul Heyman (a main instigator of this whole angle) got his licked in, plus got his ass kicked. Heyman was never one to shy away from getting into the fray, and he didn’t disappoint here. Plus I liked how Triple H played by his figurative sword but would ultimately die by it too.

The ending may have been somewhat weak, but I didn’t mind the outcome. Brock Lesnar winning was the only realistic way to go. Brock losing would have been like Lesnar turning into the 2013 version of Brian Pillman: the world’s richest jobber. While jobbing doesn’t always have a bad connotation, it can definitely leave the wrong impression in certain situations. Fortunately, WWE did the right thing and let Brock go over massive.

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From here, Brock can only feud with one man.

A man whose penchant is to elicit strong hometown reactions, and a man whose manager (plus Curtis Axel) will inevitably turn on him with a broken arm in tow.

Don’t forget people… PAYBACKS ARE GONNA BE A BITCH!

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WrestleMania Profile: Brock Lesnar

2013-04-06T18:55:00.001-04:00

There are men on the WWE roster who have made great impressions over a short time. On the flip side, there are men on the WWE roster who have made little to no impression during their long tenures.

Count Brock Lesnar as one to the former.

Brock is an amazingly gifted athlete. His NCAA championships would serve him very well into the transition to WWE.

In his first six months on the main roster, Brock went from a monster heel killing The Hardy Boyz, to becoming WWE Champion. It was one of the first signs that a change in the guard was coming. With Vince’s company coming off the name change and the end of the Attitude Era. Brock was the face of Ruthless Aggression. Add in a manager, Paul Heyman, and magic was born.

Heyman would turn on Lesnar at Survivor Series 2002 with Big Show, thus solidifying Brock as a good guy.

All this would lead to not only a Royal Rumble victory, but also a shot at the WWE Championship come WrestleMania XIX.

His opponent you ask? A gold-medal Olympic champion by the name of Kurt Angle.

These two men standing face-to-face meant one thing: expect lots of lots of good old fashioned WRESTLING. Sure there was a good chunk of brawling and other shenanigans, but the heart of this contest was laid down in swapping holds.

While this was indeed a very good match it was an unexpected error by Lesnar that changed the game.

With Angle lying prone on the mat, Lesnar threw caution to the wind. He scaled the top rope with a mission at hand. Lesnar flew, but crashed badly. ON HIS FUCKING HEAD!

Lesnar had botched a Shooting Star Press. If it weren't for Angle moving out of the way, we wouldn't be talking about 'The Pain' right now.

Lesnar suffered a concussion off the move. It somehow didn't deter him from delivering a F-5 to cover Kurt. After escaping disaster, a sportsmanlike embrace capped this contest. (On an unrelated note: the hug helped turn Angle face after Kurt returned from neck surgery a couple of months later.)

Lesnar would recover quickly and resume defending the title.

By the time January of 2004 rolled around, Lesnar has completely flipped.

He had turned heel with the guidance of Vince McMahon. Brock had lost then regained the WWE Championship by defeating Kurt Angle in an amazing Iron Man contest. There was a trail of blood, sweat, and tears (thanks to Zach Gowen's mother) to Lesnar's madness.

The Royal Rumble of 2004 saw Bill Goldberg, who had lost his World Heavyweight Championship the month before, vow to win the big match and go on to 'Mania. Brock Lesnar interrupted the interview saying that since he is the WWE Champion, all the attention should be on him. After Goldberg briefly scared Lesnar, it was evident that the big Georgian was not wavered in his quest.

Then Brock showed up.

Near the very end of the event, Lesnar rushed the ring to give Goldberg a THUNDEROUS F-5. This set up for Goldberg's elimination and Lesnar satisfied in his revenge.

What comes around comes around.

The next month at No Way Out, Goldberg returned the favor.

He Speared Lesnar into oblivion, which allowed Lesnar's opponent Eddie Guerrero to hit the Frog Splash. Eddie was the new WWE Champion while Lesnar was once again on the outside looking in.

After some reservation from Vince McMahon, Lesnar and Goldberg was set for WrestleMania XX. With Stone Cold Steve Austin as the ref.

It was a huge buildup with the possibility of two universes colliding in one epic showdown. How did it do?

Infamously bad!

WRESTLECRAP!

Brock and Bill were both leaving the WWE after this PPV to pursue their other endeavors. The opening portion, a LONG one, was almost constant jaw-jacking. No action save a shove. Hell, a HOGAN chant broke out for something completely irrelevant ringside.

Goldberg would win with the Jackhammer to a chorus of boos. Both men were heavily booed, so nothing changed on that front. Austin would have the last laugh as he Stunnered both men out of the company covered in beer to boot.

As for Lesnar, his short WrestleMania resume is more memorable than most superstars'. For all the good and bad reasons, Lesnar will be a legend at 'Mania, even if his stats sheet is just lines long.

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CONTESTS

WrestleMania XIX: Brock Lesnar def. Kurt Angle via pinfall to capture the WWE Championship. Lesnar botched a Shooting Star Press near the very end and nearly killed himself. Lesnar got to his feet and F-5'ed Angle out of sheer instinct. After the contest, both men shared an embrace. (21:08) ****1/4

WrestleMania XX: Goldberg def. Brock Lesnar via pinfall after Lesnar suffered both a spear and Jackhammer. Steve Austin, the referee, pinned Lesnar's shoulders down. Post-match, both combatants in the match received Stunners, the only cheers this match got. (13:47) *

Length of In-Ring Action: 34:55 (34 minutes, 55 seconds, or approximately 17:27 a match)

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WrestleMania Profile: ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage

2013-03-31T15:12:00.001-04:00

When you think of WrestleMania, you would normally think of men like Hogan, Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, and perhaps John Cena. One man whose history is often overlooked, especially in today’s climate, is Macho Man Randy Savage.

Savage, real name Randy Poffo, had a history enriched in wrestling. His father, Angelo, was also a wrestler and promoter. Freakishly enough though, Angelo’s claim to fame was his uncanny ability to do sit-ups for endurance time periods, thus necessitating an appearance on Ripley’s Believe it or Not.

Savage’s notoriety in the territories made him an instant heat magnet in the WWE. In 1985, Randy debuted against ‘Quick Draw’ Rick McGraw, and beat the jobber to a pulp. His presence was immediately felt in the WWE Universe.

By the time 1986 rolled around, Savage’s momentum was on an upward swing. In February of that year, Savage won the Intercontinental Championship from Tito Santana. This would lead to Savage’s first ‘Mania program with George Steele.

Steele, whose personality primarily revolved around acting like a heelish animal in earlier times, resorted to acting like a benevolent animal in 1980s WWE. Savage taunted him while flaunting his belt. Steele would lose his match, but not his fans.

Savage’s title reign would last over a year. It had a great array of matches ranging in opponents ranging from Steele, to Jake Roberts, to Ricky Steamboat.

Steamboat was injured at the hands of Savage on Saturday Night’s Main Event in November of 1986 as Savage dropped the axe-handle from the top turnbuckle onto a prone Steamboat on the guardrail. Ricky returned a couple of months later to challenge Savage for the IC gold at WrestleMania III. In front of the historically large crowd of 93,000+ people at the Pontiac Silverdome, Steamboat won the gold in a match where the game changed. This contest influenced a generation of new wrestlers, from the high-flying to the multiple near-falls.

The sunset of 1987 brought an about-face to Savage’s character. A feud with Honky Tonk Man led to Savage turning good, something that the fans had been dying to see by this point.

For 1988, a brand new challenge would surface itself. After a controversial decision forced Jack Tunney’s hand, the WWE Championship was vacated in favor of a 16-man tournament to crown the new champion.

After Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant, the two men originally embroiled in controversy, lost the big match to a double-disqualification, the field was left wide open. Savage, after winning three grueling matches earlier in the night, was left to face Ted DiBiase, whose night was slightly less enduring. With help from Hogan, Savage got the edge and become champion! All was right in the world as the Mega-Powers formed from the ground to rule the WWE with an iron fist.

Things would fall apart though. Savage accused Hogan of being jealous of both Elizabeth and his WWE Championship. This would lead to the Mega-Powers colliding and then exploding at WrestleMania V, where Hogan won the title again in a hard-fought battle.

Of all the ‘Manias Savage was in, only VI was his real clunker. A forgettable tag match in the undercard of this mammoth event was not what Savage needed, but the next year would provide perhaps Savage’s greatest wrestling moment period.

Savage’s feud with the Ultimate Warrior stemmed from Warrior not allowing Randy to get a title shot. Randy ultimate screwed Warrior out of the WWE Championship by slamming him in the head with his scepter, thus allowing Iraqi sympathizer Sgt. Slaughter to win the gold. Two months of bizarre happenings would ensue, leading to the announcement of the loser retiring following the bout. The two went hard and heavy during the course of the bout. Savage even went so far as to provide FIVE flying elbows to Warrior! None of those put him down! Warrior charged back with his shoulder blocks. The third one was so forceful that Savage needed to be dragged back inside the ring to be counted down! (Read the match histories below to view what happened post-match.)

Going into WrestleMania VIII, Savage had returned to the WWE to fight off challenges from Jake Roberts. After the Rumble, it was revealed that Ric Flair alleged he had relations with Liz. Therefore Flair’s gold was up for grabs. Savage would defer Flair’s tricks, and came up golden for the second time in his WWE career.

In a strange turn of events, Savage went to commentating for WrestleMania IX. Chalk it up to injury, subpar card placement, whatever you will. At least he looked only like Macho can as he was dressed in his ‘traditional’ outfit amongst a sea of togas!

Lastly, WrestleMania X saw him get out of the booth, and battle his former friend Crush. In the Falls Count Anywhere stip of 1994, the referee has a minute to count-out either of the combatants. Crush was unsuccessful in taming Savage, but Randy’s masterful plan worked. Crush was hanging around so to speak as Randy ran back into the ring to win the match. A unique albeit average match, it ended Savage’s WrestleMania career on a whimper.

In the long run though, Savage’s WrestleMania trials and tribulations would be summarized as legendary. Many great matches and opponents would help Randy elevate his game. A two-time WWE Championship winner on the grandest stage, and even retained the IC belt once. Savage is often overlooked for helping contribute to WrestleMania’s legacy, and that is a shame.

Savage would work for WCW and TNA while retiring quitely later in the 2000’s. He died in the year 2011 after suffering a heart attack while being behind the wheel. His wife may no have been able to save him, but she drove Savage’s car to safety without hitting other vehicles.

Hopefully by reading this, you’ll see that Savage belongs to the long list of greats at this historic event. He has had more than his fair share of great moments, and some of matches are right up there with the best of the rest. Savage will always be a part of wrestling folklore, and this proves it.

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CONTESTS

WrestleMania II: Randy Savage (w/ Elizabeth) def. George 'the Animal' Steele via pinfall to retain the Intercontinental Championship as he used the ropes for leverage. Steele went chasing the referee post-match. (7:08) *1/4

WrestleMania III: Ricky 'the Dragon' Steamboat def. Randy Savage (w/ Elizabeth) via an inside cradle pin. George Steele was in Dragon’s corner, and would prove substantial as he stopped Savage from beating in Steamboat’s larynx with a ringbell. Steele and Steamboat celebrated post-match. (14:35) ****1/2

WrestleMania IV: Randy Savage won the 16-Man WWE Championship Tournament to become the new WWE Champion. He defeated Butch Reed (4:09), Greg Valentine (6:07), One Man Gang (4:37 via DQ), and Ted DiBiase (9:17) to win it all. Overall: ****, mainly because of the execution of the title win.

WrestleMania V: Hulk Hogan def. Randy Savage via pinfall to become the new WWE Champion. Elizabeth, whom the feud revolved upon, was sent backstage although she stayed in a neutral position. (17:54) ****

WrestleMania VI: Dusty Rhodes & Sapphire def. Macho King Randy Savage & Sensational Sherri when Sapphire rolled up Sherri off a distraction by Elizabeth. (7:31) *

WrestleMania VII: Ultimate Warrior def. Randy Savage in a 'Retirement' Match after pinning Savage on the last of three shoulder blocks. After the match, Sherri became enraged with Savage for losing. This prompted Elizabeth to rush into the ring and stand by her man, although things looked estranged. Savage accused Elizabeth of jumping him, but she ultimately persuaded him it wasn't her. After a brief stare-down, Savage embraced Elizabeth to start his 'retirement' right. Savage took a bow while holding the ropes for Elizabeth. (20:46) *****, for everything from the match to the emotionally draining post-match angle.

WrestleMania VIII: Randy Savage def. Ric Flair (w/Mr. Perfect) via reversal of figure-four to inside cradle pin to become the NEW WWE Champion. Flair kissed Liz, only for Savage to pounce on him while still feeling the effects from earlier. (18:01) ****

WrestleMania IX: Savage arrived in grand style to assume his seat at ringside to commentate on the show.

WrestleMania X: Randy Savage def. Crush in a 'Falls Count Anywhere' match after Crush was hanging upside down backstage, and couldn't answer the referee's count back to the ring. This would be Savage's last in-ring performance in the WWE. (10:00) **1/2

Overall Record: 7-4* (*: All four of IV’s tournament matches counted separately.)

Overall Combined Length In-Ring: 1:52:05 (1 hour, 52 minutes, 5 seconds).

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For more WrestleMania Profiles, please click on the following:

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How is WrestleMania Shaping Up?

2013-03-16T21:53:00.001-04:00

We're just a few short weeks away from WrestleMania!

At this point, we're just past the halfway point between Elimination Chamber and the show of all shows.

The headlining matches are set in stone. All we need is some well-executed story angles, and then a million purchases of the PPV will be made around the world.

While we are still in the midst of buildup, I'm gonna offer some opinions on how the matches are playing out so far. Now I'm not going to go into the undercard, but will stay primarily in the ballpark of the card that screams, “SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!”

First up, and the most obvious rematch, The Rock versus John Cena for the WWE Championship.

Most of the internet predicted how they would come together back months before, and sadly, WWE stayed true to that course. At the Royal Rumble in January, Cena won the Rumble match while The Rock won the title later in the evening from CM Punk. With the exception of a couple of roadblocks (like Cena/Punk on RAW that was an easy four-star encounter), nothing wavered. I will give WWE credit on two things however. First, the March 4^th edition of RAW had a really strong promo segment with both combatants. Most of the ring time these two shared featured quotable quotables that were nothing more than puerile jokes that got old faster than The Truth Commission. This promo was different. Rock and Cena seemed both passionate and hard-edged on their their respective approaches to WrestleMania. It was straight to the point with no bullshit. In a day and age where inappropriate verbal jabs are on call, this was shockingly refreshing. Number two is that the week after (3/11), both men were not on the broadcast. The Rock was promoting the new G.I Joe movie in South Korea, with WWE Championship around his waist. Rock's inconsistent live appearances were an issue in past buildups of 'Mania, but at least this time, WWE took note that Rock had legit big-name blockbusters to promote, and that they couldn't play the satellite card. Cena was also taken off the broadcast so he can rest and let the audience grow fonder. The only thing that can be done to make this angle more tasty is to turn Cena temporarily heel. Knowing WWE's hardline stance on their bread-winner, its probably never going to happen. In the mean-time, lets all hope and pray that Rock will be in better ring shape, and not look winded in three minutes.

Next up we're gonna discuss Brock Lesnar and Triple H.

Another rematch with roots stemming back to as early as last May. Brock has broken Triple H's arm twice, once on RAW and once at SummerSlam during their first encounter. Triple H looked like he had intended to step away following his bitter submission defeat. Things changed dramatically as Lesnar returned to flatten Vince McMahon, H's father-in-law. Vince's bedside following hip replacement surgery invigorated The Game. Sean Bean, erm, TRIPLE H was back! Trips busted Lesnar up during their scuffle, and also shook the man's confidence somewhat. Brock in return destroyed The New Age Outlaws, the tag team portion of H's long-time mainstay group of D-Generation X. Paul Heyman furthered up the suspense even further that although Brock said yes to the challenge, Lesnar was going to decide what match it is going to be AFTER the contract was signed. MMA? Hell in the Cell? Last Man Standing? Your guess is as good as mine. This build has been good, but I hope the match turns out to be better than their battle in Los Angeles.

Following that we have Undertaker and CM Punk.

Of all the matches so far announced, this was by far the most rushed match done yet. It feels like it has been done 'Joker' style as in there have been no plans. With how bad Undertaker's health was rumored to be, they had to scramble for 'Taker to say yes, and if he did, make angles accordingly. How Punk entered the predicament, by winning a Fatal-Four-Way on RAW, was so bad that it caused the head of creative to be canned. It's not all pushing daisies though. The untimely death of Paul Bearer inadvertently really helped this angle get massive heat. Punk finally looks like a dastardly bastard with Undertaker (AND KANE) seeking revenge. I just really wished WWE took my idea. Two hurt men could be public relations disaster at 'Mania, and with something obvious on the horizon (the breakup of Team Hell No), its better to make a tag match with these guys at 'Mania. Honestly, the matches these two had in 2009 weren’t great by any stretch, and this would not be any better. I would love to see more mind games come to play, especially ones from Punk.

Last up for bids today is the World Heavyweight Championship power struggle between Alberto Del Rio and Jack Swagger.

Jack Swagger came back with a vengeance. After being left off television for roughly six months, he came back with a new look, new attitude, and a new mouthpiece in Dutch Mantell, aka Zeb Coulter. This match came together after Swagger won the Elimination Chamber match at the same-named PPV. With a extremist Tea Party parody as a speaker, Swagger’s America was rolling seemingly to a title win. Only Biff from Back to the Future got pulled over for speeding while weeding and potentially put the whole thing to flux. Through incomprehensible media attention, from TMZ to Glen Beck, Swagger's 'Mania match was saved. The outcome predictably points to ADR retaining (most likely via submission), but the fact we have racist 2004-JBL-style promos/videos back in the WWE is entertaining and hilarious. Even if it isn't PC, or PG.

Speaking of using drugs to get over, it's time to put this post to rest. WrestleMania still has tons of potential in the bank, but WWE needs to pull the trigger on additional lures of bait. Let's all hope that the ensuing show turns out to be the biggest smash the promotion has yet!

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Remembering Paul Bearer (OH YES!)

2013-03-08T21:32:00.001-05:00

It was Tuesday night at approximately 9ish when I heard about a rumor.

While listening to Kayfabe Wrestling Radio (which just so happened to feature my friends over at VIPRude) , there lied a Facebook post saying Paul Bearer died at approximately 5:00 PM EST.

I suddenly felt ‘Moody’.

It’s odd that I feel so strongly about Bearer considering I wasn’t a fan of professional wrestling in my formative years. Bearer didn’t become a fixture on my television screen until the year 2004, and even then I knew he was there for practically a nostalgia pop.

What William Moody brought to the proverbial table though was something unique and special, which was to compliment a character equally as unique and special.

A licensed mortician (and he has even kept up on his licenses until death), Moody made strong enough impressions on promoters that he became a manager full-time.

To think that before he became a staple of the WWE, Percival Pringle the Third (III) was quite the decorated mouthpiece. Through the territories and towns, his clientele of wrestlers included Rick Rude, Lex Luger, Blackjack Mulligan, Dingo Warrior (who then became to be ultimately known as the ULTIMATE WARRIOR), amongst a who’s who of legendary greats.

Then Vince and the WWE came a-calling.

It was what you would call the ultimate Christmas present. A few days shy of Christmas 1990, Moody was invited by Vince McMahon to talk business.

Business that would be historic.

Little did William know his background in funeral getups set him up for a lifelong gimmick as a creepy mortician.

Paul Bearer was set up with newly-arrived Undertaker (Mark Calaway). While heels were hated before, these two took it to a whole new level. At live events, it was not uncommon to see kids turn away from the sight of these hideous characters. These same kids were also frightened by the very notion of their heroes about to get their asses kicked by death himself. It was a great paradox for both men, as the gimmick for Mark became more over than rover, and Moody was also just as synonymous with the sidekick.

Even in this wacky world of WWE, these two have a bond that would ultimately stand the test of time. Between betrayals, shocking unveilings, and reconciliations, Undertaker had his guidance peering ever so closely with an urn to possess it all.

While Paul Bearer’s most famous client was The Undertaker, he had several other men underneath his guidance. First we have Mankind (Mick Foley), whom Paul Bearer sided with when he heinously turned his back on Undertaker at SummerSlam 1996. Then there was Vader who started to have a beef with ‘Taker in early 1997.

Then there was Kane, Undertaker’s younger brother. A gimmick that could have been easily WrestleCrap, Glen Jacobs evolved under both Moody and Calaway. Both men rubbed off on his impressionable young man (who was born on a naval base in Spain), and it paid dividends big time.

Bearer has been subject to caricature in recent times from his facial movements to endlessly being tortured. His penultimate WWE appearance saw in being pushed off a makeshift scaffold, in a wheelchair no less, through tables a good 30-40 feet below. He also had the unfortunate final send-off in WWE as being locked in a meat freezer with Kane pretty much laughing it off. Don’t feel too bad though, as Bearer did manage Kane through his lengthy 2010 World Heavyweight Championship reign.

From most accounts, Mr. Moody has been described as practically one of the greatest men in wrestling. He has a charming attitude, a great sense of humor, and more yet, is a man you would definitely want to have a beer with. While sadly I never got to meet Mr. Pringle, I will say that with how he has been described, I feel like I have met him and he became one of my best friends.

One way that Bearer helped me while being a fan was that his character was so exaggerated that I found the finer points of how to imitate a character. His voice has been recreated by quite a few fans over the years, and even by Dolph Ziggler in the WWE tribute.

As a matter of fact, I invite you to watch Episode 46 of Mark’d Up. Yours truly actually did a Paul Bearer impression that culminated in a reading of Percy’s Prayer. While I don’t know how I stacked up compared to other impressions, I can tell you I gave it all I had with some quivering in my voice.

I can’t help but imagine what Bearer’s character would have been if he was one dimensional. Keep in mind folks, he’s had multiple shades of hair, multiple voice octaves, and multiple attires. One day he’s a ghoulish white-faced manager, and the next he looks like a fat man from the street. All the while still scary as hell with the intent of mind games always brewing.

Before I wrap this up, I do need to tell a Paul Bearer story.

So it’s WrestleMania XX. Madison Square Garden. The Undertaker is coming back with all signs pointing to the arrival of the Dead Man.

Long before Bad Booking knew about dirt sheets, I had to go by what I knew. I heard about the exploits of Bearer, but never saw the man straight up live. Or in this case at home on the couch.

I made a joking aside with one of my brother’s friends. We both had a PB impression going on during Kane’s entrance, but when that creepy little man bellowed out his signature phrase, marking out was not the accurate term for how pumped up the room was. The man with the urniverse in his hands had returned, and so hath the Dead Man Undertaker.

I hope you enjoyed reading this ‘emergency’ edition of the blog. It’s eerie how one man can make such a large impact while for the most part only coming in for a classic run. William A. Moody represents what is great about professional wrestling, and the class he carries himself with.

He can surely…. Rest…. in…..Peace….

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Booking Strategy: Undertaker at WrestleMania XXIX

2013-02-23T21:09:00.001-05:00

The usual rumblings of rumor are surfacing.

Is Undertaker too banged up?

Can he still go?

Will Undertaker finally hang it up?

At this point even I am not so sure.

The rap sheet of Undertaker’s major surgeries in the last five or so years is as long as ~~Ron Jeremy’s penis~~ War and Peace. Among them are multiple operations to his beaten down shoulders, hips, and knees. Essentially, I believe the man known as The Undertaker is held together by Bondo, wads of spit, and chewed up bubble gum. If it works for million dollar race cars, then it should for human beings too!

All joking aside, Undertaker is definitively in the twilight of his career. His work schedule is limited to all but one match a year with a random special segment here and there.

‘Taker’s rumored opponent for this year’s extravaganza is CM Punk. Punk, a record-setter in the modern era for consecutive days holding for the WWE Championship, has had his fair share of injuries recently as well. Adding to the usual wear and tear is a scope job to his left knee and the after-effects of a suplex gone wrong at a Live event.

These two have also had a somewhat sketchy past when it came to in-ring work together. Their program from 2009 produced two gimmicked PPV matches whose quality were mediocre at best. It is an example of two great workers who can’t mesh, like Mr. Perfect and Shawn Michaels from SummerSlam 1993.

With this quandary of health on the horizon, it just so happens another telegraphed angle is about to happen.

And those two angles should be mixed.

Together, it would be a first time, last time, and only time this would happen for Undertaker at WrestleMania: a tag match. A really high-profile tag encounter with some of the most colorful characters in the WWE right now.

Here is how this would all come together:

The problems with Daniel Bryan and Kane are obvious. There is a severe crack in the foundation, one that even Dr. Shelby can’t fix. Egos are coming to the surface with future ambitions of both men seemingly driving this team apart.

When the break-up begins, it will be ugly.

A triple threat tag match on RAW will have the WWE Tag Team Championships on the line. Hell No, Brodus/Tensai, and Rhodes Scholars are at the ready. After some miscommunication, Kane gets dropped by Rhodes and loses the titles for his team.

Daniel finally makes the turn and beats his now-to-be former partner into oblivion. After this savage encounter, Bryan looks down at Kane with somber remembrance. He even touts his ‘YES’ into the air, but with less enthusiasm then normal.

CM Punk lost his match to John Cena on RAW. It was a thirty minute epic that had WrestleMania-quality written all over it. Punk thought he had it in the bag with the Anaconda Vice, but Cena got to the ropes. Cena slapped his signature STF on Punk. Punk lasts a whole minute in the maneuver trying to get out, but nothing works. Punk taps and his dream of main-eventing WrestleMania goes down the tubes.

That next week, the opening promo starts with CM Punk bickering about his loss. He said Cena tapped and the ref screwed him out of his dream. Bryan contritely retorts that the ref, that exact same ref, screwed him out of his tag team championship. Both men seem to be on one ugly page.

A page that would turn to darkness.

DONG

The lights come back to Punk and Bryan meeting their new-found hells inside the ring. Undertaker chokeslams Punk while Kane gets Bryan. The two brothers point to the WrestleMania NY/NJ sign with no additional dialogue needed. This hellacious journey to ‘Mania is on its way!

Yes, Undertaker would need to make some appearances on television. Hell, some of them could even be taped. No, not Dr. Shelby sketches, but some cameos by men from the past should be there (OHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSS Paul Bearer).

Punk and Bryan run roughshod through the best of the WWE. Alberto Del Rio? No problem. Sheamus? Like a shark patrolling around an empty butthole. Ryback? Friggen’ done! Seeing as Jack Swagger was just caught for pot, perhaps he should eat ‘crippling’ finishers from both these guys.

Undertaker and Kane do their mind games. More like a who’s who of what they did in the past, both on their opponents and each other. Wax figures inside caskets work. Zeb Coulter being set on fire sure. Another great segment idea is Undertaker/Daniel Bryan face to face. Daniel Bryan says YES to winning at WrestleMania with the lights on while Undertaker barks NO with the lights going out!

Plus, CM Punk can always beat Kane one-on-one as well. Bryan can be the distraction making Kane lose, and Undertaker puts up a wall of fire as the dastardly Cult of (Multiple) Personalities go up the ramp!

So now at MetLife, how would this match occur?

For starters, Punk and Bryan come out together (to Punk’s music) while Undertaker/Kane come out separately. If snow is falling during Undertaker’s entrance, it would be amongst the strangest mood setting for a ‘Mania perhaps ever. Knowing that part of the country this time of year, it’ll either be nice and warm or cold and ‘action-packed’.

Kane starts out against Punk. The big red machine is a BOSS who flings back Punk and then Bryan with ease. It seems the two smaller technical geniuses are at a mismatch.

However there is a reason why Punk and Bryan are amongst the two of the elite in the WWE. Using frequent tags, these two deceiving grapplers beat the crap out of this giant. Whether it’s kicks, punches, rope-based attacks, or even a few submission holds, Kane is able to hold on, but just by barely. There would be teases of Kane tagging in, but only to be stopped by the last second by either Bryan or Punk.

By this point the phenom wasn’t tagged in yet, but Undertaker is nowhere near silent. Not only does he gets his cheap-shot in, but he even is able to douse himself with a bottle of water to get ready for that ‘hot tag’.

Kane later on gets to the ropes after a No Lock was unsuccessful. Daniel Bryan tries a dropkick, but fails. Kane slouches back into the corner to…tag….in….

UNDERTAKER!

The man in purple and black is going to town! Clothesline after clothesline is served with more ferocity than the last. Bryan suffers from Old School, and slips out of the ring. Undertaker follows suit as he does a modified version of Snake-Eyes: On the barricade THEN the big boot! Punk tries to surprise with a high and tight Anaconda Vice, but ‘Taker shrugs him off like a case of fleas.

‘Taker chokeslams Bryan inside of the ring, but Punk breaks it up. Punk is laughing, but walks into KANE! These two masters of their arts better start prayers because the brothers of destructions are waiting to kill them off!

Undertaker to Daniel Bryan.

Kane to CM Punk.

STEREO TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVERS!

1-2-3!

90,000 people shit their pants with the loudest post-match pyrotechnic display ever seen. Undertaker and Kane as The Brothers of Destruction are announced as the winners as no less than 345 replays are shown of the high spots. In true form, the BOD look back at the crowd, turn their backs to them, and raise their arms in the air as if they were post-mortem members of the Nation of Domination.

With WrestleMania clocking in at four hours long, this match (w/ entrances and other gimmicks) could clock easily 30-35 minutes. It gives all four men plenty of exposure while keeping a competitive battleground. In an environment where most of the men here are either badly banged up and/or getting close to retirement, this is a great opportunity to mesh styles and gain respect the good ol’ fashioned way.

Now I wouldn’t expect this to be Undertaker’s last match. If anything, I am still clamoring him to face John Cena one-on-one before he officially retires. Kane’s time maybe limited, but Punk and Bryan I believe are just now starting to hit their primes.

At the end of the day however, it accomplishments will be aplenty. It takes the primary physical toll of a regular one-on-one match off of CM Punk and Undertaker. It allows Kane and Undertaker to finally be a tag team at WrestleMania. It also allows Daniel Bryan to hook up with Undertaker at least once in his career. It also proves that big-name tag matches not only have a place on the big show card, but can also raise the legend of the card for years to come.

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Madison Square Garden Moments Part Two

2013-02-09T20:51:00.001-05:00

(Author’s Note: You can view part one right here.)

To truly understand the existential importance of Madison Square Garden to present day WWE, you must go back to the era of the territories.

In 1948, the National Wrestling Alliance formed. It pretty much aligned all the major promotions within the United States together. While there were regional bookers who had their own clientele of talent, they all had to share one recognized World Champion.

This seemed dandy until two major federations broke away later on.

One of them would be Verne Gagne and the Minnesota-based AWA (American Wrestling Association).

The other would be Vincent J. McMahon and the WWWF (World Wide Wrestling Federation).

McMahon, the father of Vincent Kennedy McMahon, would run shop in the Northeast. For all the towns and all the venues, only one place would hold the major cards, feud-enders, and everything in-between: Madison Square Garden.

Located in New York City on 34th & 6th Street, MSG held the trials and tribulations of many a superstar over the years.

It’s history is so vast that a singular list of moments would do this invaluable establishment injustice.

In this continuing retrospective, we’re gonna look at just a few of MSG’s greatest contributions to WWE’s history.

One of the reasons why The Garden is so important is because it can link the lineage of WWE with mentions of newly-announced Hall of Famer Bruno Sammartino and sooner-than-later Hall of Famer John Cena in the same breath. MSG has always been a hotbed for wrestling, and this is another in a series of small articles to prove it.

So here we are, another sampling of why MSG so great. (Note: These are not in chronological order!)

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Jimmy Snuka Takes A Leap of Faith. October 17th, 1983.

There are some ways the WWE has changed a lot since 1983.

One big example is the treatment of cage matches.

Today, cage matches are nothing more than a no-disqualification match stuck inside four sides of mesh and no blood. They are usually feud-fillers and lead to something greater.

However, back in that era, cage matches were usually the culmination of a feud. Whether that struggle was for weeks, months, it didn’t matter. Cages were usually the last resort.

On that particular Autumn day, Jimmy Snuka did the leap of faith.

Literally.

This cage battleground was a bloody and vicious affair. Both men had the battle scars to prove it.

Jimmy Snuka hit Muraco with a head-butt. Only this tactic unintentionally allowed Muraco to fall out the cage door and win the match.

To say Snuka was unsatisfied would be a general understatement.

By bringing Don’s ass back into the cage, Snuka proved to the world two things.

One: Muraco’s win was a fluke.

Two: SUPA, SUPA, SUPAFLY!

While Snuka had attempted this stunt before, it was usually meant with little fanfare or missed.

This time, THE ROCK hits the spot!

MSG popped in awe over this moment!

Especially one disobedient, hitchhiking Mick Foley. Donned in his now-signature flannel apparel, his jaw dropped to the floor when Snuka performed career magic. From here on, Foley would dedicate his life to the sport of professional wrestling. For the next 20+ years, Foley would execute a career grand enough to be considered an induction into WWE’s Hall of Fame.

Where you ask? Madison Square Garden!

With a little hitchhiking and imagination, one match with one moment can spawn one spectacular career.

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Randy Orton Kicks Mick Foley Down a Case of Stairs. RAW, June 23rd, 2003.

Amongst other moments in the history of Madison Square Garden, smaller moments are usually overshadowed in the grand scheme of things.

Take this little nugget from time.

Evolution (Randy Orton and Ric Flair for this instance) jumped Foley backstage after Flair took insult to a supposed compliment from Mick. It would ultimately lead to Orton and Foley brawling near a set of stairs.

Then Foley was sent down the stairs via a vicious punt to the skull. And no, it was not like the punt Orton would later make his signature.

Off and on for the next several months, Foley would appear to be the thorn on Evolution’s prickly ass.

Whether it was as an interim General Manager.

Or just a guy who got a loogie spat on him.

Foley was waiting for his revenge.

Only problem was that he wasn’t going into WrestleMania XX on his own against three gentlemen.

CUE THE ROCK!

Now it was still a handicap match, but a star-studded one nonetheless. Rock n’ Sock vs. Evolution (with the addition of Batista) was on!

In an ironic twist of fate, Orton was the one who got the duke after scoring a clean RKO on Foley. This would set up a feud-ending No Holds Barred match at Backlash for Orton’s Intercontinental Championship.

While some MSG moments are just that, moments, some are turning points that have lasting ramifications. This was case in point.

_________________________________________________

Cactus Jack Debuts in the WWE. RAW, September 22nd, 1997.

Austin stuns McMahon is the moment that inaugural RAW from MSG will be remembered for.

However, I will be completely remiss if this is completely ignored.

This wasn’t exactly a blow-off that Mick Foley was going to have against Hunter-Hearst-Helmsley. As a matter of fact, it felt like a side-step to not only bigger feuds at the time but also matches down the road.

What did transpire before the match is legendary, and definitely is a moment affiliated with The Garden.

Tony Chimmel introduced Hunter, along with Chyna. Both looked focused, determined, and confident to whoop some ass.

Chimmel then announces Dude Love who was supposed to be HHH’s opponent.

NOT SO FAST!

Dude appears on the titantron. His hippie dippie weather man appearance can’t stand the weapons and other miscellaneous warfare.

He then introduces a kind man.

For all of you who didn’t get it, IT WAS MANKIND! Old-school non-Corporate Mankind.

Mankind says as much as he would love to beat up Helmsley again, he knows of someone who not only shares that feeling, but could probably do a better job.

ENTER IN CACTUS JACK!

Armed with a garbage can, Jack ominously threatens Hunter with how this will be the darkest day in his life.

Wouldn’t be the only time that’s happened in the Garden.

With Love signing off as “Ohhh, have mercy,” Cactus came out to the roar of the crowd.

The two would then have the best match of both of their 1997 calendar year.

Chyna even got a few licks in before Cactus gave Triple H a piledriver through a wooden table on the stage! Cactus expressed a disturbed, psychotic smile as he conquered the King of the Ring.

Via some old-school video trickery, WWE pulled off a once-in-lifetime promo that only Mick Foley could execute. Along with a reaction from Triple H likewise.

_________________________________________________

Undertaker Returns! Survivor Series, November 17th, 1996

If a feud went any longer than, let’s say, three months nowadays, the internet would be complaining about WHEN WILL IT END??!?!?!

Back in this time however, feuds were allowed to breathe.

And elaborate.

And sometimes procrastinate.

By the time November of 1996 rolled around, Undertaker and Mankind went through several wars together.

Two consecutive PAY-PER-VIEW victories went to the newly-arrived Mick Foley. A shockingly clean victory at King of the Ring, coupled with the steepest of betrayals from Paul Bearer at the Boiler Room Brawl at Summerslam, meant that somewhere down the line, the big guy would get his revenge.

In a way.

Undertaker would face off against Mankind in a Buried Alive match on the gimmick-named pay-per-view.

The Phenom had the deranged one finished off with a Tombstone, and barely covered him in enough dirt to be called the winner.

Post-match, Undertaker was jumped on as if this was the 1994 Royal Rumble casket match again. Several heels came down to partake in a gang beat-down of ‘Taker complete with dirt coronation.

After it was all said and done, Undie laid waste under more than the proverbial six feet of dirt.

In one of the greatest visual tricks the WWE had ever seen, a lightning bolt hit the mound of dirt. Shortly afterwards, a hand rose out of the grave like a freshly incubated zombie. This would set up Survivor Series.

Sure there wasn’t a stipulation applied to the match itself, and sure Paul Bearer was inside of a cage HIGH above the ring, but the entrance is one sadly forgotten amongst time.

You see, Mark Calloway was temporarily the WWE equivalent of Adam West.

He was…

THE BATMAN!

As the above picture can attest, it had wings. Wings that made it look more like Wile E. Coyote’s aerodynamic costume than a wrestling stunt.

What the entrance also portrayed was perhaps a brand new character. ‘Taker was decked out in black leather, an outfit an replaced the shaggy old shindigs of years gone by. It also represented a different albeit more aggressive style in which Undertaker would step up his game tremendously over the coming year or so.

‘Taker and Mankind would brawl as soon as the dead man forcibly put the big fat lardass Bearer inside the cage.

Undertaker would ultimately gain his true first clean pinfall victory over the demented kind man. The joy would be short-lived as once again he had to endure surprise attack. This time it was by a short-lived character known as The Executioner (played by well-out-of-his-prime Terry Gordy RIP).

The less said about that feud the better.

It wasn’t the first or last time Undertaker would battle Mankind.

It wasn’t the only time Undertaker made a dramatic return at MSG.

Hell, it wasn’t the only time a manager would be hoisted up inside of a cage above the ring either.

However, it needed to be said: that entrance was awesome!_________________________________________________

CONCLUSION

That wraps up another installment of Madison Square Garden moments.

Unlike the first list where it was four random moments put together, this list had a running theme to it.

All four moments, one way or another, centered around Mick Foley. Foley as a fan, Foley as Cactus, Dude, or Mankind. Or Foley as the man who wanted to say hello, but got much more than that.

As mentioned earlier, Foley’s inspiration into becoming a wrestler morphed from a chance viewing up close and personal of the bloody war between Snuka and Muraco. Complete with the leap of faith.

The same arena where Foley’s new leash on life began will culminate in a Hall of Fame induction alongside other men and women whose inductions are more than justified.

Foley’s career was spiced by the interactions of other interesting characters mixing with his own. Madison Square Garden’s character was more than great enough to house these special moments.

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How Outsourcing is Bad for WrestleMania

2013-02-03T13:10:00.001-05:00

WrestleMania is going to be a loaded card this year for sure. No doubt about it.

WWE's 29th annual year-end culmination is emanating from MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey on April the 7th. Since the company is having their biggest show in the Northeast this year, the demands of this portion of the WWE Universe faithful will be higher than the average paying audience.

So in this pomp and pageantry, Vince and company are going to pull out all the stops. Everything the WWE perceives in their year (fiscal and kayfabe) lies on this one night in time.

The full-time roster has a talent pool capable of generating a big show on their own. There are established main eventers like John Cena, Sheamus, Randy Orton, CM Punk, amongst others who can deliver in the upper-card. Mid-carders like Dolph Ziggler, Daniel Bryan, Kofi Kingston, Cody Rhodes, and others who are ready to have their break-out moment. A nicely planned four-hour extravaganza can easily be pulled off with nearly a million buys.

However, there are many part-time big-name talents who get called upon just to build a program in the hopes of popping a bigger gate/buyrate for the show.

In a way, this isn't a new practice. To prove this, let's take a look back at the first 'Mania.

Back in 1985 when Vince McMahon first conceived WrestleMania, he called upon many big names to appear. Celebrities like:

Mr. T

Cyndi Lauper

Muhammad Ali

Liberace with The Rockettes

Those people amongst others were contracted in the hopes of giving Vince's new creation national exposure. Keep in mind that since this was 1985, WWE didn't have the national vernacular that it would earn years later. It's understandable that a company must go all for broke in order to back a great vision and Vince wasn't going to back down. WrestleMania proved to be a great outing for McMahon as the heaping returns ensured the future of the company.

As the company became more comfortable with their big stage, the emphasis on celebrities extrapolating the buzz subsided. In a about-face, celebrities have actually asked WWE to be on their show. Whether it is for a promo or even a match, WWE benefits because they get to lure in the audience with the hinting of something additional. The major difference in this time compared to then is that the wrestlers do the sell job while the celebrities are the icing on the cake.

This all sounds dandy and good, but there is another problem to divert to. The selling of WrestleMania to consumers isn't done primarily by the full-time roster anymore.

Instead it is by the stars of yesteryear.

Superstars like The Rock, Brock Lesnar, Triple H, and Undertaker are sought in to help pop the buyrates. More than likely they will work with the full-time main event talent to help raise their legends while cementing legacies of their own.

The problem lies within not that they're with the WWE or even that they are in WrestleMania, but how much of the show they are taking away from the rest of the full-time roster.

Let's face it: most of these men are put into matches lasting at least twenty some-odd minutes. When you account entrances with other gimmicks, its not possible to see a particular segment of the show run nearly a full hour.

Now I know that's exaggerated for most programs, but it is not impossible. Those drawn-out portions affect other segments with the unintended potential of leaving advertised matches off the card altogether.

Like the 1980's, this has an effect on the talent as well. While most of the boys had really good paychecks, it was commonly known that they resented having outsiders take away time from their feuds. It was as if their hard work wasn't good enough to earn a spot in the biggest gathering of the year.

That is the problem crippling the mid-card of today's WWE.

Superstars like the aforementioned Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow, amongst others have had the talent to get to the next level. One thing or another has denied them all (although in Sandow's case he's been on the main roster a relatively short time).

For example, Daniel Bryan and Sheamus were given the shaft two years in a row. WrestleMania 27 saw their United States Championship match left off the show completely while their World Heavyweight Championship match a year later only went eighteen seconds! Both men were able to overcome these oversights, but their success is the exception not the rule. Sheamus is even a bona-fide main-eventer, but is not seen in the same league as a Randy Orton or John Cena.

You're reading this now thinking, “Gee, this seemed like a great history lesson delving into another WWE rant on the mistreatment of mid-carders.”

Well, not exactly.

What I am trying to prove is that WWE's philosophy on booking big events is not new. This may never change, but times are different and they shouldn't rely on gimmicks gone by to generate revenue.

As implied earlier, the major difference between 1985 and 2013 is that WWE in 2013 doesn't need a whole ton of help popping a gate. The World Wide Wrestling Federation evolved from a regional Northeastern territory with traces of NWA heritage to World Wrestling Entertainment, a global conglomerate whose business is the measuring stick for all other sports/entertainment companies to be compared to. WWE has also survived steroid trials, the Monday Night Wars, a name change, ~~Chris Benoit~~, amongst other outrages. Almost anyone on any given street corner can identify WWE one way or another. Whether it is a classic Hulk Hogan moment, a Rock/Austin standoff, or even John Cena on a box of Fruity Pebbles, WWE has practically written themselves on the fabric of America whether us as fans know it or not.

Meanwhile, back at the proverbial ranch, it almost seems as if WWE doesn't have the confidence to allow the mid-carders to advance. Sure there are times where they are thrust into the promised land. Most of the time though it is either in a multi-man match or a throwaway episode of RAW/SMACKDOWN. It's hard to fathom there was a time not long ago where a match like Matt Hardy and Rey Mysterio convincingly main evented a show.

With how today's WWE has been booked, it can be easily depicted if that the superstar isn't a main event talent, they just don't matter.

That being said, as detrimental as it sounds, WWE had been doing a good job over the last decade of relying on their own talent to garner success. However, the WWE is falling into the “safe” arms of what is deemed marketable. The Rock is a movie star with several big-budget profit makers to his credit. Brock Lesnar was a UFC Heavyweight Champion, and UFC has proven to generate monster buyrates no matter who highlights the card. Triple H and The Undertaker as noted earlier are two men who have proven their worth on a full-time grind, but should really take a backseat to let their bodies heal. Let's also add that Triple H is now a corporate man whose decisions based on talent relations and other aspects could easily affect the company's future.

WWE has a talent pool that can easily put on a show that can earn the moniker of “The Grandest Stage of Them All”. The main-eventers are established with a mid-card waiting for their next big moment. There doesn't need to be a help in buyrates, and even a lower-than-expected number will generate profit for the company to easily run off of the entire year.

Even with a (not likely) lower-than-anticipated buyrate for 'Mania, don't feel bad about the long-term fiscal aspects. WWE has so many side-outlets and sponsors that the company's financial stability will be ensured for years to come. It's something that cannot be said of 1985, 1995, or even majority of the beloved Attitude Era. Say what you will about the PG Era, but it has allowed Vince and company to branch out with the added ability of ensuring consistent business.

In conclusion, WWE doesn't need outside attractions to headline a WrestleMania. The company doesn't live or die by buyrates, ratings, or even if a certain performer does well or not. This isn't the dark ages or even Attitude. This is an era where WWE is building a foundation focusing on that third initial of their brand name. Money will come in no matter how good/bad a certain event does. While it is nice to have nostalgia pops for men who can still go in the ring, this is not their time.

ADDITION: This doesn’t happen often but I realized I left something out. It needs to be addressed.

There is one more argument to the outsourcing topic and why it isn’t great for business.

The rest of the year!

Let’s face it: A regular WWE year sees action pick up big time either the week after, or maybe a couple weeks after the December pay-per-view.

Big angles are coming to the surface, and big names are teased.

January passes. Rumble happens.

February passes. Elimination Chamber happens.

March is more or less a build-up month. WrestleMania happens either at the end of March or the beginning of April.

The big names in question come in, say their peace, do their match, and leave.

Somehow, WWE has to adequately follow that up.

Extreme Rules, which will happen a little later than usual this year, is usually the synonym for “rematch”. WWE has a somewhat failsafe built into play.

As soon as that event is over, the business falls like a rock.

And I don’t mean Dwayne Johnson.

Ratings for the television go down. The general interest in the product goes down. And if the last five years were any indication, John Cena will dominate the airwaves more than the 1972 Miami Dolphins.

WWE bringing in all these guys for a short time unrealistically sets the bar for the rest of the year. And as more time goes on, these men are getting less effective at their jobs.

Look at The Rock so far going into the Rumble 2013. CM Punk has laid waste to him in promos and looks more convincing as WWE Champion. I’m not even saying that in kayfabe. I’m seeing that as two men with passion for the business, that one looks that much better than the other.

Undertaker’s promo abilities have been dreadful too. The last three or four years, week in and week out, it’s been the same promo about “Last Outlaw” this and “End of an Era” that. With his injury list a who’s who of contorted bones and structures, I’m afraid his last WrestleMania moment will be a suddenly stopped match with a legitimate stretcher job.

Don’t even get me started on Lesnar. Zack Ryder can speak better than him. Plus, Lesnar works so scarily stiff that I believe he will legitimately break someone’s arm in a match without meaning to.

Collectively, I’m burnt out by the notion these same guys will come in, do practically two months of work, leave, and rinse/lather/repeat.

I just wish WWE could take a page out of 1997-1999 and make the WHOLE ROSTER care again. Everyone had a distinct character, voice, and mannerisms. Perennial mid-carders like Val Venis and Godfather get pops back then that were consistent to those of a man in the upper-card today like Randy Orton or Sheamus.

To quote George Carlin: “I have no end for this so I take a small bow…”

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Dude’s Love: Mick Foley in the WWE Hall of Fame

2013-01-13T21:41:00.001-05:00

The New York Post was the first to report the story.

WWE confirmed it.

Mick Foley is the first announced member of the 2013 class in WWE’s Hall of Fame. He will join multiple other personalities who have contributed to the organization one way or another in a commencement ceremony at the hallowed Madison Square Garden on Saturday, April the 6th. It is the night before WrestleMania XXIX at the MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey.

The spot for Foley to be inducted is ironic because not only will he be inducted as a member of the Hall of Fame there, but it’s also the same arena he went to where he had a life-changing experience.

Like any wrestling fan in his youth, Foley wanted to see a huge show bad. Any means necessary. That meant hitchhiking his way to the Garden.

He is perched…fifteen feet high!

The main event of that show, which took place in 1983 when Mick was just 17, pit Don Muraco against Jimmy ‘Superfly’ Snuka inside of a steel cage. Muraco won the match, but it was Snuka’s post-match leap of faith off the cage which inspired Foley to take up a career in wrestling.

Trained by Dominic Denucci, Foley had a penchant for taking dangerous-looking bumps. This specific physical trait set the stage for not only Foley’s in-ring style, but also some of the most outrageous stunts in professional wrestling history.

While he did work the rounds as a jobber at first, Foley would first strike national attention as Cactus Jack Manson, later shortened to Cactus Jack. In the early 1990’s, Jack brought an unorthodox style completely unbefitting of an organization whose roots were down in technical/methodical teachings. Simply put, Foley was ahead of his time.

His matches with Vader were infamous. Not only were they hard-hitting, but they also led to an infamous Foley fable. While overseas in Germany, Cactus accidentally lost half an ear during a routine hangman stunt in the ropes. For a man whose rap sheet of injuries is as long as War and Peace, this physical discrepancy was probably his most disfiguring one. Later in the WWE, these two would also be a short-lived tag team. Who knew?

During his time in WCW, Jack was introduced to ECW as part of a talent exchange. Shortly thereafter, the Philadelphia-based promotion run by mastermind (and former WCW co-hort) Paul Heyman would be Foley’s full time job.

Between ECW and numerous stints of hardcore Japan, Foley’s reputation as a death-defying risk-taker were cemented ten-fold. It didn’t matter if it was a VCR or barbed wire, Jack’s uncanny ability for violence left him a figure both beloved and belittled by fans.

WWE came a calling in early 1996. While it was a sad goodbye for Cactus to leave ECW, there would be no looking back from here.

Foley would transform into ~~Mason the Mutilator~~ Mankind. This deranged alter-ego had a dark past while his in-ring persona played off the indication he loved pain. On a side-note, Foley would later appear as a third alter-ego Dude Love. That gimmick wasn’t as well received, but still get recognized as one of the triumvirate of Foley’s faces.

That table bump still makes me cringe!

Undertaker, from what this blogger understands, requested to be the opponent for Foley’s first WWE program. Mankind’s first WWE appearance sure enough was jumping the Undertaker after a match on RAW the night after WrestleMania XII. These two would feud on and off for the next three years, setting the stage for some of the most dangerously unbelievable matches perhaps ever in the history of sports-entertainment. At the same time, the style in which these two worked complimented them. Those battle tactics would translate greatly into their other opponents.

Foley would be a big catalyst during WWE’s Attitude Era. He brought a hardcore edge, one refined from his days in Japan and ECW. As a matter of fact, it was not uncommon to hear ECW chants during various no holds barred encounters. The leap of faith off the Hell in the Cell from King of the Ring in 1998 is widely considered a crowning achievement in WWE. Although this blogger notes getting a Pedigree face-first into thumbtacks is quite badass too.

December 28th, 1998 was the day WWE taped the RAW in which Mankind won the WWE Championship from The Rock. Airing on January the 4th in 1999, this was the show that went up against the “Fingerpoke of asses in the seats'” edition of WCW Nitro. Foley’s title win captured the hearts of millions, while WCW’s title swap broke the hearts of millions. This was the true turning point of the ‘War’, one which WCW could never recover from.

After winning the coveted title two more times in 1999, Foley would ‘retire’ from full time competition in early 2000 after a loss inside Hell in the Cell against Triple H.

While Foley would co-main event WrestleMania of 2000, his next major role in the WWE was that of the lovable goof Commissioner. His rule was always final as the gavel on the desk illustrated. “MICK JUST GAVE YOU SODA” was as important to his character as getting chucked off a cage.

In later years, Foley would turn up to work the occasional program. Whether it was to make a star out of Randy Orton, or to make Edge the most hardcore son of a bitch as opponent or ally, Foley’s presence in either program highly elevated his opponents’ stature.

Foley also endured a tour of TNA. He did indeed win their big gold strap once, but the run was mostly forgettable.

“WILL YOU BE A LEGEND OR A STATISTIC?”

Foley re-signed with the WWE in 2011. His appearances are sporadic, but he makes them count. Whether it was a comedy spot in the Royal Rumble, or to have a verbal joust with champ CM Punk, Foley’s enigma never wore off with audiences and fans alike.

For a man whose contributions in the WWE could be measured in multiple ways, it is a great honor for Mick Foley to be enshrined in the WWE Hall of Fame. MSG is not only where will history will be forever implanted, but it’s also where it all began for a hitchhiker wanting to see a leap of faith.

_________________________________________________

Foley has a number of great products written or filmed on him. If you are new to the man and need to pick some stuff up, here are some links to do so:

Mick Foley’s Author Page @ Amazon – This features all the books he has ever written, ranging from autobiographies to novels.

Beyond the Mat – Barry W. Blaustein’s labor of love revolving around the real world of “fake” wrestling. Mick’s role is painful as he tries to juggle his death-defying antics with family. The original 2000 DVD, which is linked here, features an exclusive commentary track with Foley and Terry Funk.

Hard Knocks and Cheap Pops – WWE’s first full-hearted DVD presentation on Mick Foley. Sure there is Three Faces of Foley (and Madman Unleashed which was A&E’s Biography on him) that was released earlier, but it is nothing but fluff. Released in 2001, it’s a split format of documentary/matches. The documentary is over an hour long, and covers material from later 1999 to the end of 2000. Be aware that the Kennel from Hell match from Unforgiven 1999 is on here with exclusive commentary from Foley and Kevin (not Kelly) Kelly.

Greatest Hits and Misses, A Life in Wrestling – WWE’s second foray into presenting Foley’s career. This is all matches, albeit with some awesome bonus features added in. The version linked is the 2007 “Hardcore Edition”, which is an expanded third disc option. If you’re new to the wrestling biz, get that one as it contains more recent matches in there as well.

Wrestling Legend - If you need a ‘best of’ compilation of Foley’s TNA work, it is all there. I’ll admit I missed most of it, but some of those matches look pretty darn good.

For All Mankind – Not to be confused with a History Channel documentary by the same name, this is the new WWE project chronicling Foley’s life and career. As of this writing, the DVD and Blu-ray are scheduled to be released April the 16th. The format is expected to be documentary/matches. The documentary is planned around Foley’s life, while the matches may have a lot of repeats. At least the repeats won’t be censored this time, as some of them on recent sets are blur-fests.

_________________________________________________

It wouldn’t be a Foley article without this:

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WWE 2013 Predictions

2013-01-07T18:07:00.001-05:00

Happy new year everybody!

As per the norm this time of year, everyone is making de facto predictions of what will happen in the coming months. Some of it is positive, most of it negative, but nevertheless interesting.

WWE in 2012 felt interesting yet stale at the same time. There was an emergence of superstars like Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, Daniel Bryan, and others to the foreground. Some of these men were on the rise, while others like Ryback caught fire immediately.

CM Punk’s year was far from normal. He started off the year beloved WWE Champion who took on all comers. He ended the year as vilified WWE Champion who scoured underneath Paul Heyman. No matter what the character traits were, there were consistently great matches happening all across the board.

John Cena however had a year overbearingly par for the course. He was all over the main events, ranging in quality from shit to epic. Even when he was injured, Cena was still on all the shows every week. Overexposure at its worst, and this interprets that WWE doesn’t have the confidence to allow anyone else in the spotlight. This would be the perfect time for WWE to lean back, take a breath, and let Cena take an extended vacation. More on this in a bit.

Big Show had a nice rebound in the second half after a floundering first half. His stale monster bit led to an atrocious firing angle which then culminated in a heel turn. That heel turn however led to a different Show than what we are used to seeing. Not only can this monster be serious, but he can also match wits with guys like Sheamus. He is convincing, dangerous, and shockingly cunning.

Speaking of SHEAMUS. He had a great year, no doubt about it. He was World Heavyweight Champion majority of the year. His match quality has risen dramatically, and being paired with guys like Daniel Bryan and Alberto Del Rio can only help. The biggest complaint is that he is too much like the babyface WWE wants, and that is a jerk douche whose actions lean on the bullying side. Remember, BE A STAR! All things considered, Sheamus needs to find a balance character-wise, but his in-ring work can be effective with anyone.

Daniel Bryan has been able to use fundamental elements of a sentence, ‘YES’ and ‘NO’, as catchphrases to get over. That only scrapes the surface with this guy. He has been a proven hand wrestling people with the sets varying from CM Punk to Kane. Sure he lost the WHC in eighteen seconds at ‘Mania this past year, but that might have actually helped him be more over with the fans than where he was.

Speaking of Kane, that tag team duo of ‘TEAM HELL NO’ has been strangely captivating all year. From the therapy sessions to their dysfunctional tag team style, Kane and Bryan have been able to gel their abilities into one destructive force. While WWE will predictably break this team up soon, let’s all revel in probably the most entertaining team in the last six or seven years.

Dolph Ziggler has spent all of 2010, 2011, and 2012 as a guy on the outside looking in. His mic work is improving, and he bumps like no one else in the WWE. However, 2013 needs to be HIS YEAR. Cash that briefcase, win that title, defend that title, BECOME THAT LEGEND. He’s next, and I’m talking about victims for Goldberg’s spear!

Ryback. Big, hungry, over pushed hoss. The only reason why I accept him in the main event is because the fans are fully behind him. No seagull pops for this guy! I will also admit he did a fair share of work at TLC in that epic six-man match. A big hungry monster is all I see him as, not as a representative of the WWE as WWE Champion for an extended period.

That all being said, with some recaps of 2012 in the books, let’s take a proverbial look into the crystal ball.

Right now, WWE is about to go through a motion of the last three or four years of ‘Mania time. The TV shows between now and mid-April are going to be STACKED. All of the big names contracted to work ‘Mania will show up every week, and then disappear again. This will leave the WWE in yet another quandary.

The mid-card needs to be reborn in 2013. While it seems obvious that this is already taking place, the bottom could fall out of the main event scene at any time. Guys like John Cena and Randy Orton have been with the WWE over a decade now. Their bodies aren’t getting any younger. Big Show just turned 40, and lord knows about the wear and tear on him. Of all main eventers right now, Sheamus is by far the healthiest looking option, but his overexposure could be a problem one day.

Time for Dolph to rise.

Time for Kofi to make something happen.

Hell, Ryback could be a quickie champion if need be.

For 2013, we need a revolution. WWE needs to evolve with the times, and now will be as good a time as any to start. Too much young talent is waiting in the wings while main event talent could break at any second. TIME TO GET MOVING!

Technorati Tags: wwe,wwe championship,raw,smackdown,wrestlemania,dolph ziggler,cm punk,midcard,john cena,kane,daniel bryan,the shield,randy orton,sheamus,alberto del rio,rey mysterio,sin cara

RAW IS ATTITUDE CHRISTMAS 12/22/97 Recap

2012-12-22T00:16:00.001-05:00

Is everyone up for a Christmas spirit?

Alright boys and girls come around the circle. I’m gonna recap an episode of RAW that has Goldust as a Christmas Tree, Vader as Santa Claus, D-Generation X doing ‘ nice’ things with ‘naughty’ intentions, Paul Bearer giving Undertaker some coal, and New Age Outlaws air-chilling Mankind like a piece of shrunken meat! Get your hot chocolate and Royal Dansk cookies ready, it’s time for a Christmas with Attitude!

Before the recap of the show, a little prologue.

This episode of RAW takes place in a dark time of WWE history. Taking place a month out from the Montreal Screwjob, WWE's ratings in the war were near the lowest they could ever reach. WCW just came off their most momentous PPV event in history with Starrcade. WWE were desperately trying to find out ways to ameliorate the damage.

While WWE would be in full damage control, it was also obvious that the gap between the D-Generation X event and January's Royal Rumble would be an astonishing six weeks. A holiday episode would not throw WWE off track too much, and if done well, could easily lay down solid foundation for the Rumble.

So if you’ve been nice, here is my gift to you. If you have been naughty, well there is a gift somewhere in there…

The opening video package is more or less a riches to rags story of the Legion of Doom.

Once hailed as the greatest tag team in all the world, the Road Warriors were taken down a peg by a rag-tag group of juvenile delinquents. Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Chyna, Road Dogg Jesse James, and Bad Ass Billy Gunn all took turns taking down the duo of Hawk and Animal.

While Animal was driven through an announce table, Hawk had his signature hairpiece shaven off completely. The degenerates stood tall while the fallen warriors looked completely helpless. What hell will happen this week?

Damn was that older style RAW intro AWESOME! Fires pop out of nowhere, brawls are happening on the tip of a hat, and most important, it makes you feel FUCKING PUMPED for the show!

With the camera panning out the crowd, it is really hard to miss the snow-like confetti falling in the arena.

It looks really shitty on camera, almost as shitty as the CGI snow during last year's SMACKDOWN special. Michael Cole, Jim Ross, and Kevin Kelly are the primary unholy announcing trio wherever they are in the arena/Connecticut/whothefuckknows. In addition, the scratch WWF logo of the time has a wreath around it!

D-Generation X starts the show. JR notes how there are special censors for the faction tonight. Oh boy, DICKS DICKS AND MORE DICKS! The men are in bath robes, while Chyna is in her usual dominatrix-style outfit nicely complemented by enhanced boobage. D-X does the usual entrance in said robes, and the pyro goes off as such.

Imagine if HBK's robe was caught on fire during all this?

Anyways, Shawn asks EVERYONE in the attendance if they have been good this year. If they are, then D-X will give them a present. Two fucking hot chicks hold up signs that exclaim, “SHAWN, LET'S PUT THE DX IN SEX!”

That is something you will NOT see in the PG era kids! Shockingly, this is a PG-rated first hour!

Before they can get to the present giving, which in the case of those two girls may be a piss fest, there is business to tend to.

Hunter, who sounds like a prepubescent bitch at this point in his career, talks about how the Outlaws are trying to claim fame to D-X's deed of maiming the Road Warriors. All the Outlaws did was pick through the remains. Hunter tells them to stay out of the way. Ironic indeed. Onto Owen Hart, whose name gets a loud pop and chant. H then goes on to say that since Owen is the baby of the family, Owen knows right where to find a pacifier. Horrendous double entendre as spoken by a guy who sounds like he just left high school.

Shawn takes the mic and starts to hype up the mess he will have with The Undertaker. Shawn puts down Undie, noting that the Dead Man couldn't put him away in two prior matches. For the record, there was a no-contest at Ground Zero, and Kane Tombstoned Undie into oblivion at Badd Blood inside Hell in the Cell. Shawn misjudges about how he beat Undertaker like a red-headed stepchild, when in reality it was him who took most of the beatings/ To even further the madness, Shawn proudly admits that not only does he not rest in peace, but he thrusts his hips in saying he can be up all night!

Getting off that subject, it's time to fulfill a promise!

Shawn and Hunter reveal not-too-revealing boxers at first. BUT, they then take off those boxers and reveal skimpier underdrawers censored by the D-X censor.

“WILL YOU LOOK AT THOSE NUTS,” screams Ross in the most subtle of ways. When I when subtle, I mean he knows he’s hitting all the possible meanings at once.

Shawn then practically tells the roster to kiss their (as in he and Hunter's) asses by allowing Chyna to put mistletoe directly above their backsides. An older couple is bewildered yet amused. Speaking of which, here comes the American Fatass, Sgt. (Commissioner) Slaughter!

When Maffew of Botchamania refers to corsping, Slaughter during this segment could actually be a good example.

Hunter and Shawn are endlessly doing stupid shit around him, trying to egg him on. Reminding Shawn of certain contract clauses, Slaughter is either letting Shawn go in the ring with European Title on the line, or the belt will be stripped.

Shawn, said with quite the double-meaning, exclaims how he is not afraid of getting stripped of anything. In addition, he tells Slaughter he can defend it against anyone, anywhere, anytime. Remember RAW in 1993 with Marty Jannetty? Well guess what, Slaughter just told Shawn the title match will be against Hunter. This is obviously a disguise to break up D-X. H vows to defeat Michaels, but Shawn reminds the young grasshopper he lays down for no one.

As the D-X music hits, we are also informed that Undertaker will be facing Intercontinental Champion The Rock this evening as well!

As we come back from break, look at how this announcing trio is situated. They all look way too happy, and green-screened in front of the crowd! I know the show was taped, but holy damn was it edited sloppy.

“This is Equivalent to Getting a Tie” Match: Headbanger Thrasher (w/ Headbanger Mosh) vs. Henry O. Godwinn (w/ Phineas I. Godwinn). The match was setup over miscommunication from Shotgun Saturday Night. Michael Cole appears out of nowhere to interview the HOG/PIG combo. Who the hell cares anyway. A quickie that ends in a DQ win for the Headbanger. Godwinns start whipping their opponents like government mules with the leather belts. Tony Garea and Gerald Brisco try to intervene, but to no avail. WINNER: HEADBANGER THRASHER by DQ.

Recap package on how Dude Love beat both the New Age Outlaws in one-on-one competition, only to be subject to some brutal beatings. One of them left Love broken on the floor just off the stage. I think something was botched, because Love should have landed on the table, but instead landed almost directly on the concrete!

Mankind is seen in a pre-taped package in the bowels of the arena so to speak. Foley explains how when Dude Love's ribs are broken, so is Mankind's! Mankind is vowing revenge!

UP NEXT, SANTA MEETS STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! But not before we see an advertisement for WWF The Music Volume 2! The one where Vince McMahon sings HBK's theme! Hide the kids, hide the wife!

After a short clip of Austin’s chucking Rock’s IC title into the river from last week, there is an “after hours” clip of the proposed Santa/Austin debacle. It started when Santa anticipated Sable to say whether she was naughty or nice. She couldn't come, and Santa became mightily pissed.

The boy who sat on his lap is not Sable, therefore it doesn't matter. The kid accused of Santa of being fake. Mr. Claus tells him to get out of here.

KEEE-RASHHHH!

Here comes Mr. Austin bedecked in jeans, a vest, and a microphone. In his usual style, Austin becomes belligerent and vile towards Mr. Santa. Austin lashes out at Santa for throwing the kid out of the ring. Furthermore, Austin could prove if the Santa in the ring is the real one by telling a 'real' anecdote. Does Santa remember what Austin got for Christmas when he was six (or seven) years old? Playing the senile old fuck card, Claus quips back with Tiddly Winks and a Barbie Doll.

Massive boos and commentating WTFs all over the place.

Austin takes a good once-over on Santa, with the belief the look is authentic. The kid nods that it isn't the real Santa. Austin does his crowd survey and asks if the Santa is real, give him a 'HELL NO!' And I don't mean the Daniel Bryan/Kane team!

Steve then tells Santa that he has a present for him:

STUNNER!

Austin beats the shit out of him as the segment wraps up.

Triple H and Shawn Michaels are yelling at each like two bitches in the D-X locker room. Trouble in paradise? Rock and 'Taker NEXT!

One of those WWF Attitude videos play during the break. Still can't understand Ahmed Johnson! And when the rest of the superstars list their great athletic achievements, why does Undertaker list his height and weight? Wasn’t he a basketball player or something? I don’t think ‘328’ was ever a jersey number on the Death Valley Worshippers team!

The Nation vs. The Cremation Match: Intercontinental Champion The Rock (w/ Nation of Domination) vs. Undertaker. Rock's opening promo is during the point in his career where he tried to be an intellectual. Good thing he'd stick to comedy later.

Undertaker comes down with a pained look in his face like, “Why am I wrestling tonight?” From sources I've read, apparently 'Taker's real life father was experiencing health issues at the time and it took its toll on the man behind the Phenom.

Rock does one of those Pearl Harbor like sneak attacks, but the big guy quickly takes control. I find it funny how Hulk Hogan does a big boot/legdrop combo for the end of a match, yet Undertaker does it and its really just a mid-match sequence. DAMN! Undertaker tries old school, but as Paul Bearer walks on down, Kama Mustafa low-blows the dead man.

This leads to break.

After an MSG advertisement, the show returns with Undertaker getting mugged by all members of The Nation. Undertaker is thrown back in, and Rock goes back to work. Hell, Maivia drops the elbow, but only gets a two for his efforts. More distractions from ringside allow Rock to get the low-blow in, and thus gain even more momentum. Undertaker does get a desperation legdrop in, but his stature is interrupted once more by Nation interference. As Rock tries to whip him to the post, Undertaker hits the chokeslam! Then the Tombstone! 'Taker tries to cover, however the arena goes black.

It only means one thing!

KANE!

This match apparently ends in a no-contest, so it's all well and dandy.

Paul Bearer invites the crowd to lay their eyes upon the Phenom, as he is a shell of his former self. After Bearer demeans him some more, 'Taker tries to choke him out, but Kane attacks. 'Taker nearly got a goozle on Kane, but instead is beaten down to the corner. Undie lies a beaten man as the European Championship match between HHH and HBK is hyped.

The first hour of action ends on two recap packages: the first was what happened moments ago with Undertaker/Kane/Paul Bearer, then the second was recapping the opening segment pitting Hunter against Shawn for the Euro title.

European Championship match doesn't get underway here. Chyna carries both WWE and Euro title belts. Shawn comes out first, and Hunter follows suit.

As Hunter is coming down, Owen Hart comes out of the back and beats down Helmsley! Both Hunter and Shawn accuse a presiding Slaughter of setting the attack up. JR calls out Oliver Stone, saying it's a conspiracy theory. Ten years later, it would have been Jesse Ventura! Predictably, another video package recaps this. Now I wonder where the current crop of WWE's editors know how to use/waste time!

Another really REALLY creepy screen shot of the announcers. However, we have Jim Ross paired with Jim Cornette this time! Jimmy has this look where he may very well be going through that Kentucky Dairy Queen all over again. Cornette then does a hype job on the impending Mankind/NAO confrontation. Sometimes, the more the things change the more they stay the same.

Speaking of which we have those pesky Outlaws in pseudo-mining gear! Will they have to go through RC Cola cans and Moon Pies to find him? Jimmy notes about the coal mine, and hopefully he didn't think about the future too much. The two go to work on some scrub who they think is Mankind, but stop to realize HE ISN'T?!?!?!?!? The jeans and leather jacket of that random dude MUST have given that away!

A Marvelous Reindeer Match: 'Marvelous' Marc Mero (w/ Sable) vs. 'Not That Cool' Scott Taylor. If you want to know how uncharismatic Mero is, JR notes off the bat that Sable apparently is not only in the building, but wearing something that is quite ravishing. The crowd is chanting 'SABLE' so loudly, I can't hear what Mero has to say! Oh for shame!

Anyways, Mero's property comes down to the ring in a admittedly adorable reindeer costume.

Cornette likens Mero to Ralph Kramden, only Jackie Gleason captivated an audience! SNAP! Sabledeer's nose lights up at least but she is forced to leave the ring as the supposed match takes place. Sable decapitated her costume. Taylor gets the early advantage on Mero but loses it on a whip reversal.

Sable's rack is so friggen' huge she's stretching the reindeer outfit mightily! Scottie Not 2 Hotty gets the distracted Mero off his feet, and even gets a nice dropkick in! Out of nowhere though, Mero is able to nail his TKO. 1-2-3, and we got a clean finish ladies and gentlemen! Mero doesn't like Taylor looking at Sable, so he beats him down some more. Tom Brandi stops further punishment by coming in and pounding on Mero! In this fracas, Marc wrenches his knee into the security wall thus not allowing him to fully get his bearings.

Sable ditches the reindeer outfit and comes out in a VERY PROVACATIVE Santa's Helper get-up. Sable's tights would get a better reaction than Marc Mero getting chucked off a steel cage! Whew, that's a wrap. WINNER: MARC MERO, but all the male fans of the WWE just got a real nice, erm, PACKAGE themselves!

Yet another Owen jumps Helmsley package. OVERKILL!

Meanwhile, Triple H cuts a mini promo on Shawn in his locker-room with Chyna whispering sweet nothings in his ear. Nothing special.

‘The Lump of Coal in Your Stocking Challenge”: 8-Ball (w/ Disciples of Apocalypse) vs. Kurrgan (w/ Jackyl). Ladies and Gentlemen, there are not many combinations known to man who could fully kill a crowd's heat in Attitude Era WWE. However, any mixture of The Truth Commission is easily amongst the tops of the list. Kurrgan’s best performance would be in the movie 300. Sparta this match is not. It's shit, and a squash to boot. Kurrgan gets the win off of distraction by Jackyl. The Commission does a beat down of 8-Ball. However, Crush comes in with a 2x4 and cleans house. WINNER: Technically Kurrgan, but not a single soul in the audience. Before Divas, this guy was the piss break.

The New Age Outlaws are STILL searching for the doofus Mankind. They trample over boxes and darkness and still can't get the job done in this segment. Hype jobs for HHH/HBK main event with Shamrock/D-Lo NEXT!

A whole bunch more recap packages in the next few minutes. I swear, this all that time could have easily allocated another mid-card match. Or even more time to the match coming up next:

The Nation vs. The Submission: D-Lo Brown (w/ Nation of Domination) vs. Ken Shamrock. Ken delivers sequential attacks to Brown's left leg, always thinking about the submission. For the next few minutes, Brown and Shamrock swap punches and holds. So far, not bad at all. The match would end suddenly when Shamrock, with all wits about him, slaps on that Ankle Lock! WINNER: KEN SHAMROCK

Rock shows up on the entrance ramp to deliver yet another promo. This time he tries to explain the Gulf, but throw it aside. He then asks Shamrock if he accepts his challenge at the Royal Rumble for the Intercontinental Championship. As Rock awaits the answer, he corrals his troops back to the base and the segment ends here.

Shawn Michaels has his 'reply' segment. Essentially, its the same thing as earlier with the trash talk, whispering in the ear, etc.

The delinquent Outlaws are at it again, searching for the deranged Mankind. They are searching in the “inner-most bowels” as Cornette terms it. Hiding behind a stack of boxes, Mankind attacks! Screaming out Christmas lyrics with each passing blow, this is certainly NOT your typical Christmas segment! The tides would turn though.

Those pesky Outlaws would then gain enough advantage to lock Mankind into a walk-in freezer! Mankindcicle huh Cornette?

That one blaring horn could only mean one thing: TAFKA Goldust. For those who don't know, that's The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust. Continuing on recent trends, Goldie is bedecked in Christmas ornaments thus resembling a human Christmas tree.

Luna Vachon looks like the normal one which is hard to believe under most circumstances. Luna does a intro to the heathen known as the Bizarre One, who then proceeds to read The Night Before Christmas! A random ass Santa Claus comes on down the ramp. Not the guy Austin stunnered earlier. Fake snow falls again as the Santa impersonator makes his presence known. Goldie starts to berate the jolly ol' fat guy until he gets hit with a sack...... OF PRESENTS! He immediately bails along with Luna to the back as it is revealed that Santa was really VADER CLAUS!

The Euro title match is next! YIPPEE! FINALLY!

“The We Made An Ass Out of You” European Championship Match, Shawn Michaels © vs. Triple H: The intros finally play without incident, which also means we here Tony Chimmel drone on and on with things. Cornette picks Hunter to win this. It's also noted that USA has allowed the program to go over just in case. Chyna looks like, “When the hell will this happen?” Right now apparently as the bell sounds. Two intense looks on both gentlemen (I say that loosely), and they're about to hook up.

Or stretch. JR and James E do a nice job covering up this debauchery you normally don't see. Psych outs are happening too as both men halt lock-ups. Boos are coming in as Michaels actually LAYS DOWN. Yes, as in on his back and willing to do his 'job'. Hunter prances around like a bitch, and 'splashes' Shawn for the pin cover. After the D-X music blares, Cornette goes bombastic over his charade on commentary. HE WAS BAMBOOZLED PEOPLE! The two act like it's a major accomplishment while they knew what they were doing all along. It was brilliant in a way, where Slaughter thought he could break the group up, but instead he got tricked at his own game.

As Slaughter is crotch-chopped and belittled, he smirks with Helmsley facing Owen Hart for the HHH's title next week! The show ends with D-X having two champions, two belts.

WINNER and NEWWWWWWWWWW EUROPEAN CHAMPION: TRIPLE H

CONCLUSION: This RAW was weird.

Very very weird.

Not only was it a RAW in the darkest days of the WWE, but It was a taped RAW in the middle of a 6 week gap between pay-per-view events.

Some of the editing was god awful as witnessed by the non-existent green screen announcers. Some of the dubs seem very obvious, like Jim Cornette wondering aloud about how many bowels can there be in a building.

That snow may also be the dandruff of every jobber in the company at the time. It was that bad.

This show did have some merits. The Brown/Shamrock match was decent for the three minutes it had, the Mankind/NAO arc was pretty funny, and Goldust getting whacked by a sack of presents is one of those moments too absurd to be believed.

Then there was the overabundance of the recaps, particularly D-X's problems. By the time the main event rolled around, it seemed as if most bookers would have failed the EWR games for over-exposing Michaels and Helmsley.

Overall, it was one of those episodes where nothing was lost nor gained. A holiday bye-week, it meant some of the strangest shit in all of 1997 was on display. Some of it was good, some of it bad, some of it memorable, some of it not so memorable. WWE was still trying to find itself, but did not succeed here.

As we go into 1998, let it be known as Austin's road to the top was nearing a major career crossroads. Would he make it? Only time would tell.

Now go to ye beds as Santa Claus brings down his sack of presents!

Heheh, I said “sack”.

Technorati Tags: wwe,wwf,attitude era,raw,1997,bad booking,christmas,road warriors,hawk,animal,shawn michaels,triple h,chyna,d-generation x,billy gunn,road dogg,new age outlaws,jim ross,kevin kelly,michael cole,headbangers,mosh,thrasher,the godwinns,sable,santa,stone cold steve austin,the rock,undertaker,paul bearer,kane,kama mustafa,farooq,d-lo brown,ken shamrock,owen hart,sgt. slaughter,goldust,vader,royal rumble,ppv,scotty 2 hotty,tom brandi,holiday,merry,spirit,cookies

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A Twisted Christmas Album Review

2012-12-06T17:14:00.001-05:00

Once upon a time, a great podcast was sweeping across the nation. It delivered hopes and dreams to twelve eager listeners. Their minds would be expanded each and every week by their exploits.

Hosted by RD Reynolds and Blade Braxton, that podcast was WrestleCrap Radio!

(While the show is sadly defunct, the main website WrestleCrap.com is very much alive and well. It’s awesome and a must-read for any wrestling fan. Now on to the regularly scheduled album…)

So you're reading by this point and wondering what the heck this has to do with a music review.

I'll tell you!

On the December 15^th, 2006 edition of WCR, which I downloaded immediately after it was available, there was a holiday-themed opening. Instead of the usual spiel, there was a hard metal edge that sounded a lot like Deck the Halls.

And it sounded a lot like it was performed by Twisted Sister!

This sample of music would change the very foundation of Christmas music enjoyment forever.

Today, you'll get to read about how this LP would turn the good ol' favorites and transform them into raging demons of hellfire and brimstone. This my friends is A TWISTED CHRISTMAS!

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas: Oh come on here! Dee Snyder is trying to sing this legit? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The opening of this track is Dee, a trumpeter, and a guitarist strumming in the background. Dee’s vocal chords are horrifically out of tune, the aforementioned trumpeter is botching every other note, and it's more painful than a root canal. One of the band members barges in and demands to know,“WHAT IS THIS CRAP?” After a forceful persuasion, Dee finally gives in. “We never play anything nice and easy... We play things TWISTED!” A full array of guitars and various percussion instruments proceed to give this song a beating heart. Most renditions of this song are slow, but this one is balls to the wall intense. A brooding foreshadow of what’s to come! The sound doesn't resemble the olden days, does it folks?
Oh Come All Ye Faithful: If you are listening to this album for the first time and realize something is familiar, you're 100% correct. This holiday classic was re-arranged to the tune of the 1980s hit “We're Not Gonna Take It”. Holy crap did it turn out well! Like the prior song, the original is a slow-paced easy-listening crowd-pleaser. This song is a crowd-pleaser indeed but one that would lead your grandparents utterly horrified. In the chorus, it's usually a hand-picked few whose voices are supposed to echo soft notes of enchantment. TS's version is more like a head-banging rage whose style never aged.
White Christmas: If you want to know how popular the original of this song was, consider this: Bing (not the search engine) Crosby's un-imitable croon sold millions of copies. Unlike today where files don't disintegrate, old record masters did. That original master became so warped from the duplications that Bing had to completely re-sing the tune to make another master. Dee Snyder may not be Bing Crosby, but if you bought this album thinking he might be, you're insane! The song feels like a big sleigh ride really, as the guitars mush to an incredible tempo rate. Dee's intensity on a soft as snow track is a stark contrast to what has been known before.
I'll Be Home for Christmas: Unlike a Sesame Street sketch, there are two things that make this song stand out. One, this is probably the only track on the whole album that sounds sentimental. Two, this is the only track with a guest singer in Lita Ford. No, not the Lita from WWE, but she sounds quite nice nonetheless. There is one qualm about her appearance on the track: someone on the editing side thought it was a good idea to do some reverb in her voice. THAT WAS TERRIBLE ASSHOLE! Back to the sentimentality for a moment. This is the slowest playing track on the album, but this was probably intentional. Having this somewhat sappy tune in the middle of things brings wide range to the album as a whole. It's like a good cup of coffee: not too strong, not that weak, and with a good amount of seasoning. Even if some of the beans were burnt.
Silver Bells: Back to the camaraderie of the first few tracks! For a song that's usually slow on its feet, this is running at full speed while knocking over midgets and small children. The chorus has that 'rage' quality going on again. If you're someone who hates Christmas music for its pompous stereotypes, this is certainly a song to change your mind. It's five minutes long, which not only makes it the second longest track on the album, but also shows off a lot of jamming. I mean, there is nothing but flat-out instrumentals for probably combined half the track!
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: Yes, they had to go there. Instead of the soft tease of giggling the usual versions provide, this is like someone telling you flat-out to your face this inevitably happened. With the amount of poon most metal performers have in their time, it must be disconcerting to come back in the older years to reminisce about such a scene. For all the wrong reasons, this song feels right at home on this LP.
Let it Snow: Like a lot of other tracks on this album, the original is a slow-goer that allows the listener to slow down enjoy the atmosphere. Instead, Dee Snyder and company invite you to endure a blizzard of guitars with the wind speed generated off the drums equivalent to a hurricane. That echo of rage is back again in the chorus, and that's always a treat. There is no easy relaxed feeling to this track, its all balls to the walls yet again!
Deck the Halls: As sampled from earlier, this was the song that led me to the proverbial dance. It charges in aggressively, and never lets go. The track remains cheerful yet boisterous. The flaming Yule is a literal imagery for the sound of this whole album. 'Halls' may slow down in the middle just a tad, but it picks you right back up to thrash some more. One of those rare seasonal songs that can be played normally in the heat of the summer!
The Christmas Song: You know, the one that starts with those nuts named chestnuts roasting on an open fire? Yeah, THAT ONE! Sister's rendition of this has potentially unintentional demonic elements all over it. For one, the guitars make all the “characters” come alive (I.e: Jack Frost, the children with eyes glowing). Dee's sinister growl gives this track even further extrapolation from the original. This version has style and substance to keep the listener entertained while going at a somewhat traditional slow tempo.
Heavy Metal Christmas: It's exactly what you think it was going to be. This is the warped bastard son of the traditional 12 Days of Christmas drone. Here's the list:
12 Silver crosses
11 Black mascaras
10 Pairs of platforms
9 Tattered t-shirts
8 Pentagrams
7 Leather jackets
6 Cans of hairspray
5 Skull earrings
4 Quarts of Jack
3 Studded belts
2 Pairs of spandex pants
And a tattoo of Ozzy!

Everything about this song sounds absurdly out of proportion. No little drummer boys or partridge's on the pear tree! It's gruff, rough, and yet composed. All of the items listed can definitely fit in the metal alter-ego of the famous original. The final countdown of the list features the guys counting down with the intermittent guitar riff. Oh so grand, but with this in mind, this ends the album!

As noted from the top, this compilation completely changed my perception on the traditional Christmas album.

Most LP's of this nature feature a famous crooner slowly going through the songs at hand. The tempo is designed for those listening to slow down, take it all in. There's nothing wrong with it, and there are many awesome covers from many different artists on these song choices.

If there are complaints, they are few. All told, this album is a shade over forty minutes. While every minute is quality, one could help but wonder if another song or two were added. Imagine a metal version of 'Silent Night' or even 'Frosty the Snowman'?

The other real problem is Lita Ford's reverberation in 'Home for Xmas'. Completely un-called for, and took the whole track down a peg. As a whole, it wouldn't affect replay value much as long as the fast-forward button is ready.

That being said, TS really brought their 'A' game to a literal simple subject. It's obvious that the songs aren't just Christmas tunes, but are also a part forever more of Sister's repetitoire. Some of the songs are needlessly loud, hectic as all hell, and absolutely unnecessary in their execution. To this blogger and many other people, it shouldn't have been done any other way.

Twisted Sister originally was going to retire on this note, but their interpretation of this joyous holiday was so epic that they are still doing the occasional show here and there. Boy am I glad I invested time to listen to this cover to cover, because with this, Twisted Sister should NEVER retire! Heck, who wants to see ANOTHER METAL CHRISTMAS?

Technorati Tags: bad booking,music,twisted sister,wrestlecrap,a twisted christmas,album review,have yourself a merry little christmas,oh come all ye faithful,white christmas,ill be home for christmas,silver bells,i saw mommy kissing santa claus,let it snow,deck the halls,the christmas song,a heavy metal christmas,lita ford,lita,rd reynolds,blade braxton

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Madison Square Garden Moments Part One

2012-11-30T09:57:00.001-05:00

To truly understand the existential importance of Madison Square Garden to present day WWE, you must go back to the era of the territories.

This seemed dandy until two major federations broke away later on.

One of them would be Verne Gagne and the Minnesota-based AWA (American Wrestling Association).

The other would be Vincent J. McMahon and the WWWF (World Wide Wrestling Federation).

McMahon, the father of Vincent Kennedy McMahon, would run shop in the Northeast. For all the towns and all the venues, only one place would hold the major cards and feud-enders: Madison Square Garden.

Located in New York City on 34th & 6th, MSG held the trials and tribulations of many a superstar over the years.

It’s history is so vast that a singular count-down list of moments would do this invaluable establishment injustice.

In this piece, we’re gonna look at just a few of MSG’s greatest contributions to WWE’s history.

One of the reasons why MSG is so important is because it can link the lineage of WWE with mentions of Bruno Sammartino and John Cena in the same breath. The Garden has always been a hotbed for wrestling, and this is one small article to prove it.

So here we are, a sampling of what MSG so great. (Note: These are not in chronological order!)

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Hulk Hogan Defeats The Iron Sheik to Win the WWE Championship. January 23rd, 1984.

Consider this the moment that changed it all!

Hulk Hogan, once banished from the WWE for attempting to become a movie star, became the top man partially thanks to a change in management.

The elder McMahon stepped down from power, and his successor to the throne was son Vince Kennedy. Vince’s vision was succinctly different than his father’s, which would ultimately involve carving the business up for himself.

That’s another story for another day.

Instead, let’s go back to that cold January night.

The Sheik won the title only a month before due to the forfeit of Bob Backlund via that man’s manager Arnold Skaaland. This evil Iranian was the epitome of evil. His Camel Clutch was a death spell for all victims, including the once-superhuman Backlund. Bob’s five-year title run as champion was effectively ended by that hold.

Backlund was out for revenge, but he would need help.

Cue Hogan!

Hogan’s first WWWF stint a few years before was relatively fruitless. While the big guy was managed by Freddie Blassie, this heel monster was kind-of forgettable.

Hogan was approached about an offer for Rocky III. The elder McMahon told Hogan it’s either the movie or the business. Hulk chose Rocky, and Vince Sr. fired him on the spot.

After the movie was done shooting, Hogan showed up in the AWA. He was initially brought in as a heel, but the crowd could not get enough of him. Not only did he eventually turn face, but he was the most credible threat to Nick Bockwinkel’s kingpin status as AWA Champion.

Hogan was gaining credibility and experience every time he stepped into the ring. While the belt always eluded him, it was only a matter of time before he would get it.

Then the son called.

Vincent Kennedy offered Hogan a can’t miss opportunity. It was so grand that Hogan even skipped his remaining AWA commitments in order to jump ship. The ramifications of THAT will be discussed another day.

So Hogan came to the WWE. With a fire in his gut and an eye of the tiger, Hulk eyed Sheik and the title.

Alia iacta est. The die is cast. January the 23rd 1984 would be the date everyone circled on their calendar.

The match itself was pretty quick. Hogan primarily dominated his smaller opponent, but the evil-doer would turn momentum. Hogan was down in the despised Clutch, and the fans were rumbling for his comeback!

Hogan answered and in spades. He would drop the leg, and get the 1-2-3!

In a shade under seven minutes, Hulk Hogan became WWE Champion for the first time. It was an emotional affair backstage, capped off with Andre the Giant pouring champagne down the backside of the champion.

For the next four years, Hulkamania would indeed be running wild. This match was like Snow White with Disney: the one that started it all!

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AUSTIN STUNS MCMAHON! Monday Night RAW. September 22nd, 1997

WWE’s RAW had been on the air for over four years by this point. For all the accolades the show would have by now, the surprising fact here is that it was RAW’s first trip to MSG.

Do not get confused between this and with the original home of RAW, the Manhattan Center. They are very close to one another, but the arenas could not be any more different.

Back to MSG. The Monday Night Wars are in full swing, and WCW was in full kick-assery mode. The new World order was running strong, and the Cruiserweights were supplementing that with great matches in the undercard.

WWE was just beginning to inject some ‘Attitude’ into the formula in desperation.

Steve Austin was really starting to come up through the ranks of the WWE. A neck injury stalled his wrestling momentum, but not the brash personality.

In the month prior to this, Austin laid out every announcer and authority figure with the Stone Cold Stunner.

But one.

You see, Austin didn’t have many friends on the roster (kayfabe), and his biggest enemies were that of the Hart Foundation. At this point in time, specifically Owen.

Owen’s botched piledriver sent Austin to the hospital with a neck injury that would keep Austin out of the ring for a while, and ultimately would lead to surgery.

In the events leading up to the show, Owen had a restraining order filed against Austin. Essentially, Austin would be arrested if he tried to touch Owen.

So after Owen’s victory over Brian Pillman in the Intercontinental Championship tournament, he dedicated the match to loving brother Bret.

Then he got jumped.

Austin pounced, but NYPD’s finest were right in line to arrest him. Vince McMahon got off the announce table to cool the proceedings.

Vince scolded Austin, but not in the way he would later on in future. He understood Austin was hurt and upset, but he shouldn’t break the law and hurt himself further.

Austin acknowledges the care he has received, but he tells McMahon to go kiss his ASS.

STUNNER!

It was a very poorly executed Stunner, and it can be attributed to Vince’s goofy selling. Austin was arrested, and hauled off to jail. I wonder if perhaps it was the same jail the Mountie got anally raped in during Summerslam 1991?

Whatever the case was, it was effective, and it might have been a turning point in the Wars.

Not only was it a great MSG moment, but it will rank up there in WWE moments as well.

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John Cena Returns! Royal Rumble. January 27th, 2008

Transforming into something more current.

John Cena’s Superman-like WWE Championship run in 2007 came to an abrupt end. While attempting to give a basic hip toss to Mr. Kennedy on RAW, Cena tore his right pectoral muscle. Like a soldier he finished the match, and was even subject to a beat-down from Randy Orton. Orton and Cena should have clashed at No Mercy that month for the title in a Last Man Standing affair.

Cena’s recovery time was slated to be six to twelve months. From that point, WrestleMania may not have even been an option.

However, he shocked the world…

Bad Booking's Top Ten List of 'Attitude' Matches

2012-11-17T14:19:00.001-05:00

It's been a while since I've been in the saddle making regular posts.

It's been even longer since I've made lists.

Time to make another one!

While I have done lists covering decades, I haven't made one that was dedicated to a particular era of the WWE.

That's about to change.

To celebrate the new WWE Home Video release of the Attitude Era, here we have a new list celebrating this storied time.

Just like how the Attitude Era shook up sports-entertainment, this seemingly normal countdown will have a twist. One of nearing Vince Russo-like proportions.

You see, this list isn't just about match quality, or what reviewers would say, “THAT'S A FIVE-STAR CLASSIC!”

In addition, the matches selected have to feel like they could have only been done in this period of time. The period where the crowds were consistently insane, the characters were across-the-board memorable, and the storylines had plot devices that left fans scratching their heads. Take that as both a positive and a negative. Most importantly, they are synonymous with how ‘business’ was done back in those times.

Also, the matches have to take place in the era. For the sake of all argument, this period will be defined as starting on March 10^th, 1997, the date where the whole RAW show had a major overhaul following a particularly disastrous episode the week before, and ending on April 1^st, 2001, which of course was when WrestleMania X-Seven occurred.

Let's not waste any more time. If you're not down with that, I have two words for ya...

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This first entry is like that song from the classic 1966 movie “Sound of Music”.

We will start from the very beginning. A very good place to start!

This is only the second episode of RAW since the major overhaul. Right away, the tone set for ‘Attitude’ was reached right here.

At the start of the show, it was noted this match may or may not be for the title. Gorilla Monsoon stated that since Hart didn’t receive his proper rematch for the title yet, it had to be done before Undertaker would get his shot.

Let me break it down: Shawn Michaels vacated his WWE Championship after he lost smile. I still call bullshit. The following pay-per-view event had a Final Four match, which was born out of the controversial finish from the Royal Rumble match the month before. Originally a #1 contender match for the title at WrestleMania, it was now a WWE Championship match. Bret Hart became WWE Champion after lasting against Steve Austin, Undertaker, and Vader. Sycho Sid, who originally was the #1 contender for the title, fought Hart for the title the night after the PPV. He won after Austin beat the crap out of Hart. So here we are on the 17th of March, and we got a conundrum. Two matches on the WrestleMania 13 card depend on the outcome of this match: will the title either go to the Bret Hart and Steve Austin submission battle, or will it go to the battle of the monsters Undertaker and Sid?

For match quality, this was not amongst Bret Hart’s best work. It was probably amongst Sid’s best, but that’s like saying your dog’s shit smelled less than your neighbor’s.

As for the finish, it was nuts. Undertaker and Austin were creating all sorts of hell ringside. ‘Taker had the last say when he slammed the cage door right into Hart’s face, and that allowed Sid, Undertaker’s opponent for ‘Mania, to retain the WWE Championship. Austin looked on DEJECTED at this result.

Bret was more than dejected, and therefore he took the microphone.

What followed was an expletive-filled promo that defies the entity of time. Because RAW was live at that point, it was completely uncensored. The emotion was certainly ‘raw’, and was full of ‘attitude’ Bret Hart never had the balls to show before.

To make this even more explosive, all four men fought with each other. Shawn Michaels even made an appearance with a steel chair! Jim Ross was getting so hoarse in his voice you thought it was the big night itself!

This character bitterness would lead to one of the greatest matches in history, where Hart would make a bloody Austin pass out in pain at WrestleMania. Undertaker would ultimately win the title from Sid that same event. Ironically, the man who slammed the door into Hart’s face would ultimately have the last laugh and the title.

DVD’s: WWE The Best of RAW 15th Anniversary (note: the link takes you to an Evan Bourne shirt, but trust me: it’s for the DVD)

This is one of the only lists you’ll see where the beginning and the end are piled one right on top of the other.

This is also one of the only lists where you’ll see this matchup rank so low in the overall running.

If anything, this is probably the greatest title match in ‘Mania history!

The whole match felt like a goodbye kiss to the Attitude Era. It was non-stop in its brawling. It was non-stop in its brutality. The blood flowed early and often. To conclude, it even had a shocking ending Russo would have shit his pants over!

Even so, there were some reservations about the conclusion.

Directly after this match, for all intents and purposes, the inVasion happened. That will go down as one of the darker times in WWE history.

Also, no one wanted to see Austin turn heel. While it was Steve’s desire to do so, the television revolving around this wasn’t the best stuff of Austin’s career. I will say that the comedy stuff with Angle was deep-fried gold however.

To conclude, this match is like Billy Joel’s “Famous Last Words”. There may be words some other day, but for this time period, it’s time to say goodbye. Don’t go away yet, we still have eight spots to go on the countdown!

DVD’s: The History of the WWE Championship, Stone Cold Steve Austin - What?, The Legacy of Stone Cold Steve Austin, Stone Cold Steve Austin: The Bottom Line on the Most Popular Superstar of All Time

8. Steel Cage Match: Vince McMahon vs. 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin, St. Valentine's Day Massacre (1999)

The introduction to this match is as hilariously confusing as the contest itself.

Vince McMahon won the 1999 Royal Rumble. It took a lot of ‘Corporate’ help, mainly The Rock, but the boss was able to go coast to coast in getting the win.

The night after on RAW, Vince was going to relinquish his title shot to help further The Rock. Or so he thought.

Cut to Steve Austin via Titantron in San Antonio. He looks plastered off his ass, which quite frankly is pretty much barred today. He says he’s going to WrestleMania, which stifles the Corporate team.

Cue in Shawn Michaels, the ever-present WWE Commissioner. Even at home!

Michaels states in the WWE rulebook that because McMahon forfeits his title shot, Austin is able to take that shot because he came in second.

Austin is up for a challenge, self-imposed: At the next event, he wants Vince’s ass in a cage. If Austin wins, he gets the title shot. If Vince wins, then, well, uh, I think the title shot goes to the Corporation or something like that.

The first nine minute or so of this match occur outside the cage, before the match even starts! Of course, the big bump with McMahon going through the table occurs. Vince legitimately broke his tailbone on the fall, and whether that affected the rest of the match I didn’t notice.

Once inside the cage, Austin is like the proverbial shark in the water. He makes McMahon bleed, and beats the holy high hell out of him.

McMahon has a ruse though.

Popping up from a hole in the ring comes Paul Wight. You might remember this guy as a 7’ ignoramus from WCW just the week before! Wight throws Austin against the cage, but it accidentally opens and gives the Rattlesnake the win!

This match is primarily on here because of the shocking way Paul Wight debuted. Most people dropped their jaws to the floor when they saw this monster, mainly because of the fact that Wight was on WCW just a few days before as The Giant. The debut felt like a more physical version of when Lex Luger appeared in WCW after just appearing with the WWE the night before. Since the internet was not as prevalent then as it is now, debuts like that legitimately shocked people, and that’s why this match is on the list.

DVD’s: McMahon, The Greatest Cage Matches of All Time

7. Three Stages of Hell: 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin vs. Triple H, No Way Out 2001

Triple H and Steve Austin had an on-again, off-again feud since about 1996. Whether it was singles, DX, or even had a corporate undertone, these two were at each other’s throats!

The latter-half of 1999 saw Austin chase Triple H for the WWE Championship. During the Survivor Series PPV, which was supposed to have seen the holiest of all Attitude matches (Austin/Rock/HHH), Austin was run down in the parking lot. It turned out Rikishi was the driver, but Triple H was the impetus behind it.

These two men are indestructible. Austin survives getting run over. Triple H survived a crash landing of twenty feet to the ground upside down in a car. The two were even at the brim of destruction inside of a six-man Hell in the Cell match!

For all the unforgiving acts of brutality displayed, it all had to come to an end.

Thus enter Vince and the 3 Stages of Hell.

The match itself is simple yet complex. It’s a 2-out-of-3 Falls Match, with each fall depicting a different stipulation. Fall one was a regular singles match. Fall two was a Street Fight. Finally, fall three (if necessary) was to be contested inside of a steel cage.

What followed is a match that, well, there is a reason why I thought it was 2001 Match of the Year. Keep in mind that year had some GREAT matches.

However, even in the aura of Attitude, this shines high.

The long-arching storyline, topped with a match for the ages is something you’ll rarely see today. Even more so, there are rarely any blood feuds that fully envelop a fan’s interest from start to finish.

That one was definitely it!

DVDs: Stone Cold Steve Austin - What?, The Legacy of Stone Cold Steve Austin, Triple H - That Damn Good (The original pay per view sadly is only available on VHS in the United States. Europeans are lucky enough to have it in their Tagged Classics series.)

I have mentioned this match on frequently on this blog.

It’s 2000 Match of the Year.

Hell, I even did an in-depth review on the contest itself.

So why mention it again?

Mainly this match reeks of ‘Attitude’.

Both men were in prime physical form for the match. Foley actually took time off from the road to exercise and rehab, to make his already mythical Cactus Jack character seem more of a monster. Triple H was probably at his very best here, using his vast technical/brawling skills to their absolute zenith.

As for the feel of the match, it is about as close to a Death Match from Japan as you’ll ever get to in the WWE. To say it’s brutal is an understatement, and emotional even more so. Both men put their heart and soul into it, and the story told in bloodshed is more convincing than any story in a Twilight novel.

This match couldn’t have been done a few years before this, and it can’t be done now. Sure Foley would have these type matches with Edge and Randy Orton during the middle portion of the decade, but they still have to bow down to this one.

DVD’s: Mick Foley's Greatest Hits & Misses, Triple H - The Game, Triple H - That Damn Good, Royal Rumble 2000, Royal Rumble, The Complete Anthology

5. Ladder Match to conclude the T.I.T Invitational: Edge & Christian vs. The Hardy Boyz, No Mercy 1999

Where this match ranks on the countdown might very well catch people off guard.

Literal five-star classics are ranked lower than this, and quite frankly this match feels tame in comparison to what was to come.

To quote The Hurricane, “WAZZ UP WIT DAT?”

As noted from the top of the article, this countdown isn’t just about match quality. It also has to be one with the era, and its impact has to be vast.

Therefore, this match earns its spot on the countdown right here.

While ladder matches had been done in the WWE prior to 1999, hell there were even a couple that year, this match was special.

There were no titles on the line, but it was for the managerial service of one busty Terri Runnels. $100,000 dollars doesn’t sound bad either, but it might very well be out of Goldust’s alimony checks. More importantly, there were four men in the ring whose careers were at that important “make it or break it” crossroads.

Like George Newman staring into a burning burger patty from UHF, the four men battling it out had imagination!

They put their bodies, their souls, their careers, and their lives on the line. Up to this point, double-team ladder maneuvers hadn’t been done in the United States professional wrestling mainstream. Daredevil moves that could have been individual high spots in other matches instead became glue to the overall flow.

These teams and their daredevil antics are one of the bountiful reasons why The Attitude Era became one of the greatest times in wrestling history. Every ladder match (including TLC’s) that followed owes some of their greatness to this match.

DVD’s: Hardy Boyz - Leap of Faith, The Ladder Match, Edge - A Decade of Decadence

Talk about your jack of all trades matches.

This one is the epitome.

Stone Cold had been the target of Vince McMahon and The Corporation since probably mankind existed.

Well, not that Mick Foley ‘mankind’.

As a matter of fact, Mankind was tag team partners and champions with Austin the year before. Both men had been viewed as disposable by WCW. Boy wasn’t that a mistake!

When Austin and McMahon were due to have their big-time match in April of 1998 on RAW, one character stopped the madness with his quirky albeit lovable theme music.

Enter Dude Love.

It looked like he was going to attack McMahon, knowing that Love was always a babyface. Instead, he stuck his Mandible Claw inside AUSTIN! This aligned Love with the evil empire of McMahon, the Death Star of the WWE.

Love even got a corporate makeover. He had his teeth done, got himself a blue blazer (not Owen Hart as “The Blue Blazer”), and even shaved! This man was grooving big time, HAVE MERCY!

Pat Patterson, who had been doing ring introductions on this night in Milwaukee, intentionally didn’t do Austin’s opening. He felt Austin was a “beer-swilling fool, a loud-mouthed punk… and a BUM!” Glass shattered and that’s all what was needed.

To add even more intrigue, HERE COMES UNDERTAKER! He was legitimately sidelined with a broken foot, but he had an important role in the match anyway.

Oh, I forgot. I goofed. This was my 1998 Match of the Year!

Simply, this match had a great mix of technical wrestling, brawling, weapons, blood, and tomfoolery. Dude Love tried to win multiple times, but Undertaker sent McMahon’s minions straight to hell via some rough table chokeslam spots! Austin wins, and everyone is happy.

Attitude this was, and magic that may never be created again. The storyline on paper looked like the basic good guy and bad guy premise, but the characters portrayed mixed with an electric atmosphere made this match seemingly unforgettable.

DVD’s: Mick Foley's Greatest Hits & Misses - A Life in Wrestling (Hardcore Edition), Mick Foley: Hard Knocks & Cheap Pops, Stone Cold Steve Austin: The Bottom Line on the Most Popular Superstar of All Time

“Whoa Bad Booking. You just made a Montreal Screwjob post, and now you’re making this #2 on a ATTITUDE ERA MATCH COUNTDOWN?!?!?!? You’re one stupid son-of-a-bitch!”

Actually sir, let me explain myself.

Yes, I just made that post not too long ago, and quite frankly the material is still fresh in my mind. Hell, I even popped in the Hart/Michaels Rivalry Blu-ray the night I posted that sucker, so the stuff remained even more relevant in my mind.

The ramifications associated with this match however make it practically one with the Attitude.

Let’s start with one thing perfectly clear: Shawn Michaels was fully able to get away with consecrating a Canadian flag, while Chris Jericho well over a decade later was almost arrested for making fun of a Brazilian flag.

To prove my point even further, let’s mark this as the night kayfabe was stabbed forty times in a Canadian Forum with “And you also Vince” as the last words uttered by in-prime Bret Hart.

While I explain it more in depth in the article, I will note this: the fact such a fourth-wall breaking moment occurred, in ANY ERA, makes it something memorable. It can’t be replicated with any hint of authenticity, and Cornette’s Seven Year Rule is obliterated.

The legacy this match left behind, with legitimate raw bitterness, makes it a lock at this podium position.

DVD’s: The Best of WWE Confidential, Vol. 1, Greatest Rivalries - Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart [Blu-ray] (Blu-ray exclusive match)

2. WWE Championship: Triple H (c) vs. The Rock, Backlash 2000

THIS should have main evented WrestleMania 2000!

The Rock and Triple H have practically grown up together in the WWE. Hell, Triple H was technically in Rock’s first WWE match as a Survivor Series team member!

Through their early singles runs they battled.

Through their faction wars they battled it out.

Rock was a Corporate entity, and Triple H had to overcome the odds.

Now Triple H is the Corporate entity, and Rock has to now overcome those same odds.

Only this time, the coveted WWE Championship is on the line.

Triple H has some LOADED backup. You could say its… FULLY LOADED. There’s his wife Stephanie. His father-in-law Vince. Brother-in-law Shane, who was also picked as the referee. Hell, even the Stooges Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco had a hand in on the action as well!

There is another wildcard in the mix, but more on him in a moment.

The grand majority of the match, Triple H is seemingly using the numbers game to his advantage. Even when not on the offense, Rock is always getting heckled by the referee and outside distraction. At one point, everyone and their mothers (well, maybe not the mother) come down to kick Rock’s head in.

Glass shatters!

What the fuck?

Yep, it’s Stone Cold!

A week after blowing up the DX Express, Austin is armed with a chair. FREE SHOTS FOR EVERYONE! Hell, he even got in a few headshots, which in today’s environment will net you a $2,000 fine per shot! After this goes down, Linda McMahon (see, the mother did something good) comes down with ~~campaign advisor~~ Senior Referee Earl Hebner to bring order back into the match. The Rock finally puts away The Game, and gets the title!

Austin greets Rock with a stare post-match, but ultimately toasts the title with a beer. #9 would happen nearly a year later.

For such a match, this feels right at home on the list. Mainly that ‘Corporate’ aspect where in an era where there were more shades of grey than softcore porn, everyone agreed these were selfish and greedy bad guys ready to get taken down. While the Attitude Era had lots of different original aspects of sports entertainment, the basics are always welcomed as well. It was just that this basic story was about as high as this era was going to go, all things considered.

DVD’s: The Rock: The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment

1. Hell in the Cell: Undertaker vs. Mankind, King of the Ring 1998

When I compiled the list for this countdown, there were dozens of matches ready for action. Amongst the 30+ entries for this entry, only one spot was claimed off the bat.

#1 and this Hell in the Cell was that spot.

This is the only match on the list whose notoriety reached well beyond the realm of sports-entertainment. Hogan and Andre from WrestleMania III may very well be the only match whose mainstream popularity overrides this one.

Like some other matches on this list, Hell in the Cell has been covered multiple times in different fashions.

Also like the other matches mentioned, there is another angle that could be taken on this, so here we go.

It was right around this time period where Undertaker’s character seemingly started to change. His benevolence was quickly turning into grey matter. He beat up heels and faces all along with amazing crowd reactions. Hell, Undertaker cut a in-character shoot promo in SWEATPANTS! The only character that had this luxury in recent times was Kane earlier this year in those therapy segments.

Mick Foley had quite the build himself. He was fired by Vince McMahon for not getting the job done at Over the Edge, but was quickly hired back after causing hell at the behest of Austin and Undertaker. He regularly threw himself out there waiting for that next big bump.

As noted in the OTE entry, Undertaker was still suffering with a broken foot. Mainly, the in-ring segments non-PPV were limited to chokeslams coupled with man-on-the-street beatdowns (like beating up Paul Bearer at his house).

The big day ensues, and we all know what happens. The match is essentially one big “HOLY SHIT” moment, where one big bump happens right after an another. Broken bones and stitches along the way!

Really quickly, it is easy why this match is #1 on an Attitude Era countdown. It’s relentlessly brutal, had a great story, wonderful crowd involvement, and further more, both men garnered more respect after the match. Further more, it couldn’t have been done in eras past, and the era we are currently in now. It’s a product of its time that still holds up.

DVD’s: Mick Foley's Greatest Hits & Misses - A Life in Wrestling (Hardcore Edition), Tombstone - The History of the Undertaker, Hell in a Cell - The Greatest Hell in a Cell Matches of All Time, The Best of King of the Ring

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CONCLUSION

This list took a lot of priming and debating.

The matches selected in this countdown had to feel like they could have only been done in this period of time. The period where the crowds were consistently insane, the characters were across-the-board memorable, and the storylines were full of wild twists and turns. Plus their lasting impact had to be measurable from the product that has followed since.

It was the era where the WWE came from damnation to vindication, securing a television audience that would override the challenge of the WCW juggernaut. While times may have changed, it’s never a bad thing to look back at the good times.

They will happen again…

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P.S: If you like what you see here, please check out another site my posts frequently appear on: MARKS. They’re a great bunch of guys (and a few ladies), and they’re as passionate about the product as any fans today.

Please help the blog and purchase from my Amazon links! Happy Thanksgiving! If you want to read something I don’t normally delve on, look at Alton Brown and his Good Eats special from 1999!

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Montreal Screwjob Retrospective

2012-11-09T22:51:00.001-05:00

How do you make an otherwise forgettable event the most infamous pay-per-view in professional wrestling history?

A simple answer: screw over the man who is about to go over to the competition!

The real answer is much more complicated. It’s fallout would ultimately impact the professional wrestling scene forever.

Raw emotion struck during this time wouldn’t be fully resolved until well into the new millennium. Today, on the 15th anniversary of the most infamous wrestling double-cross ever, this piece will reflect the decisions and the trauma behind the most argued piece of shoot ever devised. This will feel almost as cold as a normal winter’s day in the Canadian province of Quebec.

If anyone wants to doubt how bad the financial state the WWE was at this time, look no further than the Screwjob.

Vince McMahon, in full-out desperation, signed Bret Hart to an exclusive 20-year contract just the year before. McMahon did it because not only would it ensure Bret’s loyalty, but Vince also knew that WCW wouldn’t know what to do with a Bret Hart.

The terms of the contract stipulated that Bret would be paid “x” amount one year, then as time went on, he would get a somewhat smaller sum. Keep in mind that this is upfront costs, and does not the additional bonuses Bret would most likely accrue from merchandise plus other odds and ends.

Sadly for Vince, this was a contract he wasn’t able to keep.

In the summer of 1997, right after the Summerslam event when Bret won his fifth World Wrestling Federation Championship, Vince talked to Bret. McMahon laid out his folly, and told Bret he was free to look at other employment opportunities.

Behind the scenes, Bret didn’t want to go. While he has had his fair share of personal drama and bullshit with members of the roster (i.e: Shawn Michaels), the WWE had primarily been his home base for well over a decade. He was built from the ground up, and pulled through every rank there was. Bret was looked upon as a leader to the boys, and inspiration when times got rough.

For the state of the company though, times were indeed VERY rough.

WCW came from the trenches and established itself as the dog to beat. Between the Ric Flair and Randy Savage angle at the end of 1995, to the not-so-humble beginnings of the nWo, the Georgia-based juggernaut was growing exponentially.

Almost to the point of putting the Connecticut-based WWE out of business!

Vince had to cut Bret because not only was WWE losing money, but also viewed Bret as a growing liability due to age. Bret had just turned the big 4-0, while other men in their twenties and early thirties were just starting to hit their stride.

As noted, Bret was given the option to look for other work. Bret had sent his notice, and uneasy tensions were quickly surfacing.

The 1997 Survivor Series was heavily hyped around the rematch from WrestleMania XII. Only this time, Bret and Shawn were not only enemies on screen, but they were even worse at odds off it. Without getting too far into it, let’s say that most of the locker room was firmly on the side of Bret while Shawn and his Kliq were viewed as outcasts of power.

Originally, the outcome of the match was seen to have Shawn and Bret battle to a double-disqualification. It seemed as if everyone had agreed on the plan…

Until Vince called a meeting.

In a nutshell, this was where the Screwjob was orchestrated. Shawn was in on it, but had no hand in the decision making. Shawn, as much as as he despised Bret, didn’t really want to go through with this because the locker room hated him to begin with, and the reaction to this would be an upheaval of the guard.

Shawn told Earl what to do, and from Shawn’s autobiography, it was described as if Earl aged many years during this transaction.

Before the match started, Shawn turned into the most heinous dick ever conceived in Canada. He had consecrated the Canadian flag in many fashioned, into up and including simulated humping. Of course this was in design to make Bret look like a proud hero in his home country.

The main flow of the match was a brawl, interrupted with a few sound technical maneuvers. Then Shawn put Bret in the sharpshooter…

In the main script of the match, Bret was going to go to the ropes, and the match would continue on until the DQ.

As we all know, Vince McMahon (who had been at ringside the duration of the contest) ordered Earl to “RING THE FUCKING BELL!”

Bret looked confused, lost, and shell-shocked when the bell rang. Shawn had a startled face himself, but in reality was a mask of knowing that the plan had worked.

Vince handed Shawn the belt, and with many legitimate road agents at hand, they all walked behind the curtain the masterminds of the greatest shoot in wrestling history.

Garbage filled the ring like a blizzard, and Bret went around destroying the tables at ringside not unlike the nWo did on WCW earlier in the year.

The shit really hit the fan (and I don’t mean the forum) backstage. Vince McMahon was confronted by Bret, and was socked in the face. Vince was struck down in vain, but let’s not forget that all Vince was trying to do was cover his ass so his champion couldn’t defect to WCW with the title at hand. It was only the year before were Alundyra Blaze, aka Madusa, went to Nitro and threw the not-so-prestigious WWE’s Women’s Championship in the trash can!

Shawn and the Kliq had to fight off multiple threats, and even more of “the boys” threatened to no-show the following night’s RAW.

And they did!

The albatross known as RAW in Toronto took place live the following night. Seriously, I’m not telling going to tell you the synopsis of the show because it was so bad. Shawn looked drunker than drunk, the ever-eloquent Commissioner Slaughter was babbling needlessly, and it seemed like jobbers were all over the show. This was the absolute lowest point for the WWE, not just for ratings but also in morale. It could not have looked worse for Vince and company.

Slowly but surely, WWE climbed out of its hole. Ironically, the man who legitimately screwed Bret Hart became the biggest heel by doing working screwjobs on a semi-regular basis.

As for Mr. Vincent K. McMahon, he stated that “Bret screwed Bret” the RAW after Survivor Series, and the fans gravitated towards him. He was evil, seedy, plus his intentions were biased one way or another. No one was safe in his path of destruction. The clientele includes names amongst the likes of Steve Austin, Goldust, Undertaker, Kane, etc.

In another note of irony, another plot of double-cross worked to great effect in one of the highest points of 1998. At THAT Survivor Series event, the Deadly Game tournament culminated in The Rock, long-standing Corporation enemy, versus Mankind, a fully-made-over character perceived to be in cahoots with Vince. Rock put Mankind in the sharpshooter…

And it was revealed that Rock was a patsy for the Master Plan of Vince’s! It signaled the arrival of Dwayne Johnson in the upper echelon of the WWE, and Mick Foley was hot in pursuit. The Deadly Game solidified the future of the WWE, with establishment of the main event secure.

As for Shawn Michaels, he would pay the price of winning the WWE title, but in a different fashion. Over the next little while, Shawn would experience back pain getting a little more intense. Add in the casket bump from the Royal Rumble the following January, and we have a champ who was damn near immobile.

Go to 11:45 in the video!

Shawn lost the belt to Austin at WrestleMania in March, and then disappeared. While he would show up every now and then on WWE television, it would be more than four years before he made an in-ring return. With his life in order, Shawn is a man of faith and dignity.

As for Bret Hart, he would pay the price of going to WCW almost immediately. Hart was misused from day one. A botched introduction at WCW’s Starrcade would only be ominous of signs to come. Numerous injuries took their toll, and a brutal kick from Goldberg sealed the deal.

Bret would also suffer a stroke, one that forced him to relearn how to talk. WWE and Bret Hart did put aside their differences to make a career retrospective. That DVD is (as of this moment) the best WWE compilation ever made.

Bret’s feelings towards Shawn wouldn’t budge, even with the revelations of Shawn’s lifestyle revamp. At WrestleMania 22 weekend in 2006, Bret was inducted into the Hall of Fame. However, Bret only did it with the knowledge he couldn’t see Shawn in the audience, and that he kept away from Shawn during the show. Bret’s no-show of the big show gave him heat that rivaled almost all the heels on that event!

It wouldn’t be until 2010 where the past finally came to rest. Shawn and Bret aired their dirty laundry for all to see on national television, capped off with an emotional embrace. The two became friends, and even agreed to do a DVD based on their rivalry. It’s an excellent production, and if you want to purchase that, click here.

How do you make an otherwise forgettable event the most infamous pay-per-view in professional wrestling history?

A simple answer: by orchestrating an event that would shake the very foundation of the business for years to come.

The legacy of the screwjob has, and will always be, measured in how the business has changed. Vince McMahon was able to make a smashing positive out of what should have been a crushing negative. Viva La Attitude!

Technorati Tags: wwe,wwf,montreal screwjob,bad booking,amazon,youtube,shawn michaels,bret hart,vince mcmahon,raw,survivor series,wrestlemania,royal rumble,attitude era,pay per view,slaughter,drunk,screwed,albatross,rivalry,business,meeting,contract,steve austin,goldust,kane,mankind,vince russo,concussion,goldberg,wcw

Bad Booking DEFEATS Frankenstorm!

2012-10-30T10:06:00.001-04:00

Between professional and personal responsibilities, it’s been difficult to keep this blog updated. As a matter of fact, my current city of residence was impacted by a bi-polar bitch full of water and wind.

You may know her as Sandy.

Or you may know her as the terrifyingly, ferociously, HUGE Frankenstorm!

Typing this on Tuesday, October the 30th, I am counting my blessings. My parents still have power, and more importantly, there is no property damage to speak of.

As many of my friends are just beginning to assess the damage they have accrued, my heart definitely breaks for them. It’s not often where a storm as unbelievably huge as this one rocks the Northeast. In the tri-state area (namely New York, New Jersey, Connecticut), unprecedented precautions were taken to ensure that people wouldn’t be stranded in the most dangerous of times. I applaud the state governments for doing the best they could, and I even thank President Obama for providing quick and prompt service/feedback during this time of crisis.

That being said, there are people who are reading this thinking why is this such a big deal. Why was there so much media attention to this storm, when bigger catastrophes caused more far-out damage.

First off, let me state that for a better term, New York City and Atlantic City are utterly destroyed. The results of the storm have been absolutely off-the-wall batshit, with surges pummeling NYC, and even heavier rains adding to the chaos in Jersey. As of this writing, over TWO MILLION PEOPLE IN NEW YORK CITY have no power. That’s an epic number, no matter what state it is.

I’m no weather man, but I think I can explain this good enough. This is how Frankenstorm came to be:

1. Hurricane Sandy formed in the tropics. It went over the Caribbean, killing dozens of people in the process. Normally this storm would have went just out to sea, but it hit a few troughs in the process.

2. An early snowstorm pummels its way through.

3. A cold front with a chilly blast of air is also coming in.

Add those ingredients together, and we have a creation Cold Stone Creamery couldn’t create. The barometric pressure (935 or so milli bars) is an all-time historic low for the Northeast portion of the country. The winds upon landfall were 90 miles an hour sustained, with gusts approaching 115! To think, the higher the elevation you are, the heavier the wind is! That means when that crane collapsed in the city yesterday, the gust at that point could very well have been clocked in the higher double digits!

Lonnie Quinn from WCBS in NYC coined this storm the best, “The Storm of the Surge”. For that specific landmass of the event (so I’m only accounting the City in this judgment), the rains and the high winds wouldn’t be what caused the meteoric amounts of damage. As a matter of fact, there were a bunch of levies in and around that region that burst with the exaggerated tides. You know it’s bad when the flood stage for one of them is like 3.5 feet, and the tide went to over 5’! That’s a ton of water!

Before I wrap this up, I’d like to mention that not only was there rain in this scenario, but there was snow for some unlucky chaps right around Virginia and North Carolina. Imagine the two to three inches of flood-fearing rain in my neck of the woods? Try three to four FEET of snow there! That recovery effort will be extensive for sure, and I hope everyone over there can be back on their feet soon too.

In this time where you’ll hear nothing but saddening stories about loss and devastation, at least this blog post proves today proves that there are exceptions to the rule. I’m blessed to be happy, alive, alert, and full of my capacities. I want to thank my parents for preparing endlessly for this event, and taking care of me through this whole ordeal. I pray for everyone who has suffered even a slight power outage, and hope that life can return to normal as quickly as possible.

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The Cult of Personality: CM Punk’s Heel Turn

2012-09-15T20:51:00.001-04:00

Over the last ten years, WWE hasn’t had any real competition. Therefore, the company has been able to do things its own way without many consequences.

In the process, it seemed as if some arts of character establishing were lost. The people behind the gimmicks were now more tightly wound than they had been, and in return seemed as if Vince McMahon went back on what he promised back in 1997.

When the seeds were hatched for CM Punk’s turn to the dark side on RAW 1000, there was skepticism.

Not only was Punk still getting cheered like a mad man, but Jerry Lawler on commentary made a double-standard that somehow made Punk look more face-ish than almost ever.

It started out with The Rock who pretty much side-stepped Punk in a promo earlier in the show. It should be noted that the continuity from the initial pipe bomb promo was inexplicably absent.

Then it was Lawler’s misstep on commentary. This led to Punk downright owning Lawler multiple times on the microphone and inside of a steel cage.

Then it was John Cena telling him that respect needs to be earned every night at every arena. A Falls-Count-Anywhere match led Punk to interfere on his “night off”, and perform Go-to-Sleep on Cena on a Chrysler 300.

Add in a dash of Paul Heyman, who was the driver of said 300 (not the SE Spartan Edition), and we got a slow-burn heel-turn that quite frankly is kicking all sorts of ass.

While many people don’t see the sense of a Punk and Heyman pairing, it should be noted these two had been going back and forth on Twitter months leading up to the reveal. Punk having a manager in Heyman would also bring attention to not only themselves, but also to Brock Lesnar, and this could lead to mega main-events on PPV’s for months to come. Some people have also watered at the fact that the breakup (which is inevitable in yo-yo WWE writing) would have some epic shoots.

Punk, whose status as WWE Champion apparently means nothing in the universe, can really elevate himself to the wide-open spot of top heel if he can carry this momentum past Night of Champions. With Heyman as a manager, the possibilities seem endless.

With Lesnar as mentioned before, Heyman has some former clientele on the roster. There is Big Show, whose potential affiliation with Punk and Heyman could potentially salvage his floundering heel turn. Also there is Tensai, who as A-Train, was seemingly coming up through the ranks with Heyman as a manager. Tensai is not in a good place right now, and a sense of familiarity from the past could very well awake a sleeping monster.

That four-man alliance (Punk/Lesnar/Show/Tensai) could easily be a new ‘Dangerous Alliance’. Make a team of Cena/Rock/Triple H/Undertaker, men with various chips on all their shoulders, and we have ourselves a main event for Survivor Series that could blow the roof off wherever that event takes place.

I’m really curious as to see where Punk’s assholetry is going from here. Punk’s been a capable heel before, but he’s in a new echelon now. May the Alliance begin!

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