All Business, Good & Bad

Banfield Pet Hospital Fear Campaign: Bad Business

2016-06-27T15:07:00.001-07:00

My SO and I had the unique pleasure about a year ago to have a little kitty walk right out of the woods behind our house, crying and in need of a home.

After doing some research, we took her to Banfield (inside our PetSmart) and snagged the Optimum Wellness Plan. The OWP is basically a way to spread out your payments on things like a spaying and front declaw, any other necessities that might come from a new cat directly from the woods, with the bonus of discounted prescriptions and 100% free regular visits ("Our cat is doing this, can you have a look?")

It's not a bad plan, and for the first year, it was exceptional. It still is, I guess. I just made the call to cancel after the first year because they will auto-renew and lock you into a new year if you even bump into that renewal date.

All good though: they did what they said they'd do, our cat is happy and healthy, and we now have more time to look at local options.

And then this came:

(identifying items have been removed)

Apparently, our super-healthy cat that has dental disease. Did I get even the slightest notification at my last visit? Nope. Is there any indication I can see? Nope. Is animal teeth-cleaning expensive? Yep. Is it recommended by Banfield every year? Yep. Could I possibly, somehow, I don't know ...UPDGRADE my OWP to take into consideration this very expensive and necessary procedure? You bet!

I understand this is marketing, but this is one of the most awful examples I have seen when it comes to pet marketing. I have time on my plan before a cancellation is necessary and was even considering running the numbers on continuing it. But this in my mailbox made me downright angry and prompted me to shut it down without question.

So, Banfield Pet Hospital, you get a Bad Business award. You appeal to fear and emotion and use our pets to do so. That's incredibly low.

ThinkGeek? FAIL. EXTERMINATE!

2016-01-06T19:28:00.001-08:00

My girlfriend and I collect glass ornaments for the Christmas Tree. Glass ornaments of the geek kind? Awesome!

So you could only imagine when we saw a sexy red Dalek, it was time for Christmas! Except it wasn't. See the little plastic highlight pic?

We got a plastic Doctor and screwdriver instead. After hours of arguing and multiple venues, we have a refund, but still no red Dalek, and as of right now, the ThinkGeek Dalek Ornament Page still exists to fool the shoppers. Boo and Bad Business to ThinkGeek until they fix it.

Good Business: Wendy's

2012-11-15T17:22:00.000-08:00

I'm not a huge fan of fast food, but sometimes it is a necessity. I've been craving Wendy's Bacon Portabella Melt as soon as I saw it and today found myself near a Wendy's at lunchtime.

The only problem? I don't eat beef.

So I went in during lunch rush and asked if I could have the sandwich but sub chicken for beef. The cashier asked another employee and I got a curt "NO." Boo.

I can go anywhere for lunch, so I respectfully emailed Wendy's website explaining the situation and asking if there was some other way I could order it because a chicken version just sounds frickin' amazing. I sent my contact through the website at about 1pm and before 5pm I had this in my inbox:

Dear Mr. [Shambles], My name is [guy] and I'm the General Manager at the [location] Wendy's you visited today.

I would like to apologize for the trouble you had with trying to get a Portabello sandwich with chicken instead of the burger. There is no problem with swapping the chicken for the burger and I again apologize for you not being able to get that today. The young man who made the decision not to do that for you, was not a manager and tried to make a decision on his own, unfortunately it was a very bad one.

I have left a credit at the store for you for a free combo or your choice. I hope you will give us a chance to make this up to you. If you have any questions or problems in the future please feel free to call me.

Thank you for making me aware of this and I hope this might help to prevent it from happening again.

So I went to a "fast food" restaurant, failed at customizing my experience, and they get back in touch with me (not just corporate, but the manager of the actual store) and admit a mistake and offer me a credit for sorry?

(Sidenote: I posted it on their Facebook page as well and also received a quick response with info to report it and a sorry.)

Wendy's: You're doing it RIGHT!

I had a decent sandwich today, but it was not what I was looking for. Wendy's replied to me within the day of the issue I was just hoping was addressed.

Wendy's is Good Business. Hands down.

Bad Business: Royal Shredder: VF1012MX - Plastic Gears?

2011-02-01T16:01:00.000-08:00

About seven months ago, Mrs. Shambles and I purchased a Royal brand multi-shredder (VF1012mx) because we were long overdue for a decent shredder.

Brilliant! It was really a nice shredder. It was on casters, for one, but it had dedicated slots for credit cards and CDs. Up to 12 sheets of shredding. Woohoo!

And then, last month, after moderate usage, we got lots of the whirring, not so much of the shredding. Oh, man!

In order to figure out what the hell was going on, I was required to do some minor surgery. And what I found? Not so happy. It turns out that one of the major gears of the assembly, one in touch with a bunch of metal gears, was plastic.

FAIL.

So I did my research on the Royal Shredder VF1012mx and found that the failure of VF1012MX-08 Gear #2 (that plastic bugger) was the focus of abundant complaint. Not only that, but I could call their 1-800 number and get another gear.

And then I did call Royal's 1-800 number, and I found out a few things:

The cost for me to purchase a new gear? $2.60
Shipping and Handling? $4.00
And because this dang thing is probably failing above projections, it's going to be 6 weeks on back-order.

I don't have a problem if a company puts something together and - oops! - they calculated something wrong or forgot to test something. But this is fraud. You don't design a gear assembly that is purposed to abuse and high torque and then make one of those main load gears out of plastic - unless you think the fail would be a cash cow in replacing $0.40 gears for $6.60.

And then what? I spend the $6.60 and *hope* *fingers crossed* that my mid-level mechanical savvy will be able to disassemble a gear assembly, replace a gear, and put Humpty Dumpty back together again?

And then what? In about 6 months, I get to do it all over again.

BAD BUSINESS to Royal Shredder VF1012mx. DO NOT WANT. They should've made it correctly the first time.

Bad Organization: US Census

2010-05-27T18:41:00.000-07:00

If you read my other blog, I'm no "The US Census is the Devil!" Glenn Beck supporter. In fact, I was looking forward to the census. Unfortunately, we live in a very active household where we get lots of junk mail and - long story short - the census form made its way into a trash or shred pile at some point.

Two weeks ago, I received a visit from a census worker. I expressed my willingness to complete the form and camaraderie with her cause and function. But I was about to get a call from a client and was shooing the dog from the door and didn't have the time or fortitude to fill it out on my front porch. I asked her if I could just fill it out, explaining the situation, and she said no. However, she informed me we could do it over the phone. Sold! "I'll call you tomorrow after 1pm," she said.

And that was 2 weeks ago.

I don't have her number, so I can't call her to complete it. She has never called me back. So I called the only number I could find: The US Government.

The gentleman on the phone explained that he could not just send me another form. He kept reiterating that the woman should've called me back and was surprised that I didn't have her number, as though I should have anticipated her failure to do her job. He said he'd take my information, but was worried about her contacting me afterwords. He mentioned not being counted twice if we did that and she called (oddly, my least worry at this point).

I suggested I'd wait for her to contact me for another week and if not, call back.

The Right is all a-flutter about how filling out the census is an invasion of privacy. We actually want to fill it out. Why isn't there a standard "If you lose it, we'll give you another one" policy? People are f'ing busy these days. Things fall through the cracks. Why the supposed protocol on an obviously badly-planned system?

I'm calling Bad Business on the US Government for the census. There's enough negative publicity coming from audible conspiracy theorists. The last thing you need is busy, working people who misplaced a piece of paper to turn against you too.

Fifth Third: Still Raping!

2010-01-12T13:15:00.000-08:00

I own a small business. This means I have a business banking account. That account is at 5/3 (Fifth Third) Bank. Overall, they're not any better or worse than any other bank. Basically, they'll try to turkey baster money out your rear any chance they get.

So in today's world of electronic files and internets and "Why not check your statements online?" it appears that this is yet another way to screw the customer. As it is past the end of the year, I was online downloading my banking records into Excel format to process the numbers more efficiently. But something weird was happening: I couldn't pull any numbers before July. Hrm?

Well, Fifth Third Bank only allows customers access to 6 months of records online. So I called customer service. What's their deal? Well, they can knock through 18 months over the phone no problem. But they'd be happy to print out and mail or fax the first six months of paper statements to me for the small fee of $8 per.

WTF?

So the rundown is: If you subscribe to the "green" method of checking your statements online and save Fifth Third a little extra moulah in materials and printing and postage, they will return the favor by making sure you have to pay them $50 at the end of the year. You're welcome!

Granted, you can just download or print out your information every month. But I didn't know that 6 months ago when the information would've helped.

No huge rage or surprise, just another way a bank can turn a little allotment that could increase service incredibly into a way to put a buck in their pocket and making you feel dirty.

New Orleans To Go - Cincinnati - Great Business!

2009-10-13T13:26:00.000-07:00

I dump too much. I also write too little. Still have a pending update on several brilliant restaurant experiences.

But let's forget all of that for now - except the brilliant restaurants! A week or two ago (okay, February - I don't write enough), Mrs. Shambles, Irish Dancer, and I were out west of 75 off of 275 and found this place. Aah, this place.

It's called New Orleans To Go and - damn - it's authentic.

The gentleman who owns it is not from New Orleans. But his wife is. The cook is. His mother-in-law is. There are probably 25 seats in the place, but if you're going in for a sit-down, it's as comfortable as home.

A large menu on the wall lines up your options, including the recently-added cocktail list. Prices generally range from $5 to $15 for your meals, depending on the complexity and girth.

So aside from all the logistics, how is it? It's fricking amazing.

I had the 1/2 & 1/2 po boy (oysters and shrimp) with everything, which means lettuce, tomato, mayo. Mrs Shambles had the special Shrimp Etouffee. Irish Dancer had some fried shrimp as she was picky that evening.

Did I mention amazing? My po boy was hot, fresh, delicious, and served with both speed and personality by the owner himself, as were all our plates. Mrs. Shambles said she's never had an etouffee as tasty. And Irish Dancer actually asked if she could have another order. Mrs. Shambles and I both stopped short and took some of our meal home - just so we could experience it again the next day.

All in all, with taste, price, personality, and comfort, this is a serious 5/5. It's not white cloth napkin, but places that feel like home never are.

Keep it up!

Fla-Shop: Warnings and Language Barriers

2009-03-02T08:05:00.000-08:00

I was looking for an interactive USA map for a client last week, something on short notice, something in Flash that I could buy the bare bones of and tweak to add specific functionality. After some digging, I found Fla-Shop.com. The site's a little busy, a little confusing, but after fishing around for a little bit, I found a functioning Flash app that looked like it fit the bill. After reading the description, I purchased the zip file for $69.

After purchasing the file, I quickly realized they were not selling me the FLA Flash source file, just the compiled SWF file that can be modified by pre-programmed elements through an XML file.

The store is called Fla-Shop. The description of the product states that no source file programming is required. But nowhere does it state that the FLA file is not included. So now I have a Flash app that I either need to convince my client to get less than he wants or eat $69.

I emailed Fla-Shop with this problem and they backed up their good name with the following:

It can be compared about name Microsoft. The word "micro" is
meaningful "very small". During too time products from company
Microsoft become more and more big (by quantity of megabytes).

Of course, this argument makes no sense. I'm saying I entered Boxes, Etc. and when I bought one I got a picture of a box and he's saying I should be disappointed when I enter Pac Sun and the Pacific Ocean is not there. And needless to say, there is a language barrier here.

So Fla-Shop falls into the Questionable Business category:

they are not really selling what their name says they're selling
if you somehow magically knew you were supposed to search for an FLA source file, you'd have to search
the website is confusing
and "customer support" will blame you for having unreasonable expectations and invalidly argue that point with etymology of a language they don't fully grasp.

But I'm not entirely without blame. I was in a hurry, frustrated by the site, and didn't take the time to explore every corner. I also assumed that "Fla-Shop" would be selling me an FLA file.

Lesson? As always, caveat emptor. If you have even the tiniest of inklings that something is not conveyed correctly or the least question about a product, it is always worth the time to contact someone and clarify the issue. And never, never assume when your money's on the line.

HyTek Hosting: Bestest Hosting Evar

2008-06-18T17:27:00.000-07:00

Again, Good Business!

My last post dumped on Go Daddy.

In lieu of crappy hosting, I would suggest HyTek hosting as the best I have encountered.

Aside from ease of implementation, I've had a couple issues that needed addressing. This is not because of their hosting, but because I'm not the 100% brilliance you may see me as when it comes to administering server nuances. Their answer? Within an hour or two via email and always expeditious and courteous, not to mention that if I describe what I'm trying to do well enough, it is answered with "hey, it's done."

Long story short: HyTek hosting is great hosting. Get it.

Get it!

GoDaddy Needs a Spanking

2008-06-18T17:11:00.000-07:00

As a web developer, I have occasionally bounced against clients who use Go Daddy as their hosting provider and even used them to purchase a domain name, but have never really needed to delve into their hosting administration and transfer services until yesterday.

It's a damned disaster.

If they had told me it was going to be a damned disaster, I wouldn't be surprised, but here's the story:

A client of mine is looking for a redesign. He was currently hosted - by another company, on GoDaddy.com. Having a rudimentary login, I figured a transfer wouldn't be that difficult (he managed several accounts and - understandably - didn't want folks poking around his clientele). After he called Go Daddy and told me the process, I called Go Daddy to confirm, and we were assured of the "best" way to do it, and that it would be seamless.

24 hours later, I've been on the phone with Go Daddy help 5 times, and each time I get more information on why the last guy I talked to didn't know what he was talking about. My client's email has been down over 12 hours, his website 8.

The only reason I'm hanging on and not going to another provider (that I already have in waiting) is that the email is still on their servers, ease of login for my client.

Advice:

Avoid GoDaddy.com
Caveat emptor when it comes to setting your main business email with a hosting provider.
Avoid GoDaddy.com

See the next post for your Award Winners when it comes to the alternatives for this disaster.

Tycoon Harry's: Quality Men's Grooming

2008-04-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

Good Business! Good Business! Good Business!

As promised, All Business, Good & Bad will be dealing not just with poor businesses or disappointing customer service, but experiences that require superlatives.

The first of these is Tycoon Harry's in Mariemont (Cincinnati), Ohio. As you can see from that graphic, it says "Grooming for Men." That's right: Tycoon Harry's is a full-service Men's Salon.

Yes, I am straight. In today's modern world, men are finally starting to turn from their stressful lives to find that they, too, deserve some pampering, need some pampering; a barber just doesn't do it any more. Which is exactly what went through my mind when I decided I needed to cut a couple inches cut of my mop, face clients like a respectable member of society, and basically get all "clean cut" for "The Man."

The Owner, Jennifer, was my stylist, and greeted me warmly and took me right on time for my appointment. I didn't have a very clear image - or preference - on what I wanted the cut to look like, so after some discussion on the purpose of my drastic change, I left it in her capable hands. I was not disappointed.

The first step was to get rid of a good bit of my hair (incidentally, there was another gentleman there at the same time as I was getting even more hair cut off than I was), so right to the chair for the chopping. Conversation, which can sometimes be so automated or even unbearable, was gentle and genuine throughout the process. After the primary cut, we went over to the basin and I got an excellent wash and conditioning with Crew's Green Tea line, and - damn! - let's just say when I have some more expendable income, I'm going back for that product.

After the wash and conditioning, I struggled to stay awake as a steaming towel warmed my face and blocked out everything else. The following brief neck and shoulder massage relaxed me even further. Jennifer led me - at this point, putty - back to the cutting chair where she fine-tuned my cut and trimmed my apparently-advancing eyebrows. When we were completed there, because I was having a rough week or she was pushing for overwhelming impression, I was offered a sample manicure. Jessica and I chatted with each other while she tended to my cuticles, filed, and buffed to a high shine. The full treatment includes a hand/arm massage.

When I was done, I was wonderfully relaxed and in a much happier state of mind. And the whole treatment cost me only the $25 for the haircut. Except for the manicure, all the extra pampering in included in the price. I left a decent tip for both ladies and walked out the door simply feeling better about being alive.

Seriously, for any men rolling their eyes at me right now: a little pampering, a little time to allow someone else to take control and take your mind off the world can change your outlook for days. Days.

The women at Tycoon Harry's deserve every accolade available to male pampering. They offer a full range of services from the basic cut and coloring to manicures, pedicures, facials, and waxing. All prices are listed on their site. The environment is clean, professional, and relaxing.

Bottom Line: As opposed to not thinking about where I'm going to get my next haircut, I am very much looking forward to returning to Tycoon Harry's and wondering only if I'll be adding a full manicure or a facial next time.

Adidas: Shitty Shoes

2008-04-08T11:50:00.000-07:00

Got a pair of great shoes at JC Penney about a month ago. I work at home and do not wear them every day, not even every other day, and when I do, it's for short periods of time.

So imagine my surprise when I was slowly becoming aware of the rapid creation of noticeable rips on the sides of the shoes.

At first I thought it was a gimmick, a purposeful flaw that slowly helped the shoes develop even more character as they aged. But it was happening so fast and inside the rip was not a canvas cover, but soft padding and beyond that, my foot.

So I get to take the trip back to the store to get my money returned to me, which is a shame because the shoes are very comfortable. If you have the choice, don't invest in these shoes.

Proactiv Solution - Good and Bad

2008-04-08T10:42:00.001-07:00

About 4 weeks ago, I ordered the 3-piece Proactiv Solution comprising of the cleanser, astringent, and lotion. As a man of slightly over 30, I realized several years ago that when they told us in high school that skin problems usually drop off for men around 20 that they were fucking lying. I'm by no means a pizza face, but have always had a couple small blemishes on a regular basis. Time to make them go away.

The Good
Proactiv Solution is amazing! After a little fine-tuning (I only use it once a day and add supplementary moisturizer to avoid excessive dryness), my skin is perfect and has been so for over a week. Not a spot or blemish or hint of such. Yay!

The Bad

Note to Proactiv: If your product bleaches fabric, you might want to mention that someplace other than in the absurdly small print under the directions label that's virtually impossible to remove, let alone read. I lost 2 shirts and a towel in the first couple days.

The Ugly
Today I noticed my bank account was overdrawn. Why? You guessed it: Proactiv took it upon themselves to - without notification - ship me more product and charge my card which is attached to my account.

When I signed up, there was no language or any warning that I was joining a recurring subscription. When I called customer service, they explained that "it says on the internet" that I was creating an account and that constituted a membership.

Okay, maybe, but I have a membership to half a dozen email newsletters; I have a membership to Web MD; I have a membership to Technorati. These things cost me nothing. The point I'm making is that in the world of quick internet sign-ups, the word "membership" can and often does mean nothing more than "now you have a login to our site and we might sell your email address."

There is nothing implicit or explicit in the meaning of the word to imply that they would charge me automatically for more product. And genuine give-a-shit-ness for the customer would at least warrant a notification email, a reminder that: hey, in a week, we're going to send that automatic shipment you signed up for whether or not you knew that for sure. Heck, they even allow you to manage exactly how long you would like between shipments.

Because of this, the statement must be made: Proactiv Solution engages in misleading and shady consumer practices. Be aware that your "membership" implies automatic shipments and charges without so much as a fart in your direction. No warning. No email. No regard. And it bleaches your clothes.

The Verdict
Proactiv Solution probably makes tons of money due to its shady practices, and I think that's what pisses me off the most. They don't need to. They have an amazing product that does exactly what they say it does: clears up blemished skin to near or at perfection.

So I'll write an official complaint to customer service. I'll point them to this blog. But I'll keep using the product, probably even keep the shipment they have in transit. Why not? It's an amazing product.

But Proactiv: why all the shady?

UPDATE: Since my primary post, I've received some great comments on the post. I've also seen a huge improvement in my red cheeks. A little background: I have keretosis pilaris rubri facii. The first two words mean that I get clogged-pore bumps on my upper arms and thighs. The second two words mean that it's the form of the skin disorder that causes ruddy cheeks. I've had noticeably red cheeks since I was a child and only now - at 32 - has Proactiv anti-flushed them to match the rest of my skin. A minor miracle.

Coming soon: Does Proactiv work on my arms? Watch out non-white clothing!

New Blog Angle: All Business, Good and Bad

2008-03-31T17:47:00.000-07:00

I've changed the title of this blog to All Business, Good & Bad.

I'm going to continue reporting poor customer service as well as a lineup I have of excellent experiences.

Things to look forward to: piss poor Adidas shoes, fantastic Cincinnati pork sandwiches, P.F. Chang's deliciousness, a local men's salon that is amazing, and leaving my credit card at Arby's.

Simply, too much good for the bad to be the sole part of the blog title.

If you have any suggestions for a better title, I'd be happy to entertain it. Help me out here.

As I promised and - apparently - lied about last time: more posts, more good business.

FTD and Local Florist: Valentine's Violation

2008-02-15T04:42:00.000-08:00

For the first and last time I've used FTD to send Mrs. Shambles flowers. The level of inconvenience that exists is thus: on a busy day like Valentine's Day, FTD is the only party supposedly in contact with the florist. Mrs. Shambles goes to work very early and therefore leaves work early, and there was no way for me to contact the florist. Which brings us to lesson one:

Always order locally whenever possible, in whatever endeavor. It's one of those things I generally try to do, but was seduced by the ease of a central online ordering system. But, meh, that's my own fault.

Here's the arrangement I ordered for my wife:

Yay, how pretty! And Mrs. Shambles' favorites: daisies!

Please note: by balance, this should include 3 large, pink Gerber dasies, about 12 white daisies, at least 6 roses, and a handful of red carnations.

Here's what Mrs. Shambles received for Valentine's Day when she got to work this morning:

Please note: a single, wilting Gerber daisy and a couple of weak carnations. No white dasies. No roses. Lots of filler.

I'm calling to get my money back. Mrs. Shambles used to be a florist and even she says this is a big box of suck: not what I ordered and certainly not a reasonably adequate substitute.

Bad Business to FTD and Jack Herb Florist.

UPDATE: I've spoken to FTD and the Southern CSR was very nice and calm, and when I explained the discrepancy between what I ordered and what was delivered, was very disappointed. They will be contacting Jack Herb Florist and I should hear back soon.

UPDATE II: I got the refund, which was lovely. We also got a coupon from Jack Herb Florist for more flowers.

The sad ending to this debacle is that Jack Herb Florist - and other florists - will always do what they did: accepting orders from FTD even after they can actually fulfill the orders. Why? They are rarely called on it. A woman receiving a bouquet will generally not say to the sender "It doesn't look like you got the flowers you paid for." Sender is happy for ordering the flowers; Receiver is happy for getting flowers; Florist gets the money and satisfaction of successfully ripping you off.

Call them on it.

Affordable Muffler Scam Game

2007-11-28T02:04:00.000-08:00

Today we're discussing:

Affordable Muffler Inc
13130 Lorain Ave
Cleveland, OH 44111

Two years ago, we had a bad catalytic converter in the '99 CRV and had it replaced with an aftermarket piece. Peace of mind? The owner's signature under the handwritten words "5 year warranty."

A while back we had a rattle and soon after a check light and had it checked out: catalytic converter failure (the rattle was a piece of the converter dancing around in the tailpipe). Since we can't just drop everything and drive into Cleveland at a moment's notice, it took some time to get up there. Three weeks ago I took it back to Affordable Muffler with the original, hand-signed receipt. Mr. Owner's response? The converter has melted down and his warranty does not cover meltdown. It's running too rich; take it to a dealership and get the engine fixed, but no free converter either way.

So we took it to a Honda dealership with all the pomp and circumstance that that entails and they said exactly what we knew: the converter sucks, is falling apart, and there is absolutely nothing else wrong with the engine - no rich, no lean, no problem.

Then we returned to Cleveland with this dealership-endorsed revelation and the man in charge at Affordable Muffler was stone-faced: It's melted down; my warranty does not cover meltdown. Seeing as the warranty was a signature on a piece of paper, how were we to know? "I'm telling you right now," he stated rather gruffly.

If there's nothing wrong with the engine, then the failure of the catalytic converter is the cause in and of itself of any further fall-apart or meltdown, since a check engine light switches up the programming and dumps extra fuel which could cause extra heat. But the converter is and was the only thing wrong. Besides that, a catalytic converter should certainly not fail in only two years.

Affordable Muffler, you win a Bad Business Award for providing
poor quality parts, shady service, and a warranty on whatever terms you decide at the time. For shame.

American Airlines: Weather What?

2007-09-25T15:46:00.000-07:00

Just got back from St. Lucia.

From that other blog o' mine:

American Airlines thought it would be funny if they made us wait on the tarmac in Miami while a plane at our gate was having its tire replaced, causing us to miss the last connecting flight out, call it a weather incident, not pay for our hotel room or dinner or breakfast, and send us from Miami to Dallas before getting us home to Cincinnati.

Oh, you know you want the details:

We pulled into Miami to distant thunderstorms, but on time. When we landed, the captain, lovely as he was, broke in that there was a plane on the tarmac that was not moving because of thunderstorms. Twenty minutes later, (he) we found out that it was not stalled but awaiting a tire replacement. Ten minutes later, we were directed to a new gate. Forty minutes after we were supposed to exit, we exited. Trying to get to our connecting flight, we were informed that - although the flight hadn't yet left - we officially missed the connecting flight which ended up leaving right on time.

Having missed the connecting flight, we got to nicely ask the teller how fast she could get us to Cincinnati.

(Note: I've received many a response and email on this blog talking about how much of an asshole I am when I call a company on not providing the service they promise and - God forbid - receive an ancillary $5 gift certificate to ameliorate the situation [one guy thinks this, solely, will raise food prices].

We were at the same counter as some choads from Cleveland who did what I am accused of doing: blame the guy at the counter for the CYA of the company; they screamed and shouted at the teller, screamed and shouted at the manager, then the beefy one tried to pick a fight with him. He promptly called the cops.

Lesson in complaining: know the appropriate person to complain to, know the appropriate time to complain.)

As completely stressed out as we were, as - almost - broken as we were, we accepted the explanation of "weather," and just bucked up and took the half-priced hotel, paid for the pizza, and went to sleep. Without an airline transfer (also "weather"), we got back in Monday at 4pm as opposed to Sunday 11pm.

No, there isn't much yelling going on. Yet.

Truth is, American Airlines fucked up; someone should've known what was going on at the tarmac. Someone should've conveyed this to our captain, who could have done a better job getting us to a gate.

Is American Airlines to blame? In part, yes. And in that world of purchasing a service, we should have received a free hotel with dinner. And breakfast.

Tally, anyone?

Hotel: $35.00
Dinner: $30.00
Breakfast: $15.00
Lunch: $20.00
Extra Day, Dog in the Kennel: $12.00
Parental Vacation Days: $350.00

Total Cost to My Family: $462.00

Realistically, about $112.00. We'll be asking for it.

And I'll update.

HMS Home Warranty: How to Cook a Client

2007-08-07T12:59:00.001-07:00

How are you? Sorry I haven't been here like I promised. I'll make it up to you - I know, I know, but Daddy's been busy with a new house and all; just sing the Wal-Mart is the Devil song...

This is another one filed under "Here's an example, but use it as a warning for all industry" (see banks, credit cards, cell phone providers).

Note: In the following account, Sibcy Cline Realtors and Fast Fixes Home Services are mentioned, but they are exemplary of quality customer service. Only HMS Home Warranty has the certificate to lick the sweat off my ....

I'm sweating my ass off right now. Really. The rivulets are having a "Clothes Soaking Party" on my shirt and in my pants. And HMS Home Warranty is letting this happen.

As some readers know, I moved to the lovely city of Cincinnati last month. I love the town. I love the house: it's 60 years old or so, plenty of character, and a good home warranty should anything go bad. The home warranty was purchased from HMS Home Warranty (Homesure Services, Inc.).

The tale: Thursday afternoon, our central air wasn't central airing the way it should. By the evening, the thermostat was set at 72F, but the temperature was 81F. The next morning, the situation had not improved, so it was time to call HMS. I get up before 6am so I made the call and the claim was taken in, totally automated. I got a phone number and left a message on an answering machine that said "Due to the immense number of repair calls...." Danger Will Robinson: That's not a good sign.

On Friday, Cincinnati was hot, pushing 90's, humidity flourishing, and it was not comfortable. As a home worker, it sucked. A couple hours into the day, I called HMS again to make sure something was going on. I asked for another provider. And through another phone call (explaining that I really needed something done because the weekend was approaching - when most services would be unreachable) and a couple hours later, I actually got them to call a service company to come out Fast Fixes. The service provider said: I've got good news and bad news. Good news: you'll save some electricity this weekend. Bad news: your condenser's shot.

Since I was not expecting much movement on the weekend, I let Friday disappear, Saturday sweat, and Sunday singe.

Monday morning I called (gist only)

Me: So, what's going on?
HMSHW: Oh, we've got the information...
Me: Okay
HMSHW: It's going to take some time
Me: Can you expedite it?
HMSHW: We'll expedite it. It may take up to 24 hours.
Me: Huh? You realize there's a heat warning out.
HMSHW: It's hot everywhere, sir.
Me: I have a daughter and wife and myself who can't sleep for sweat and animals who are miserable if not in danger.
HMSHW: We understand.

I'd love to go through blockquote conversations for the whole process, but heat makes me impatient, so I'm going to bullet it.

Monday
- Call 2: What's going on? "It's not through purchasing yet." Make it so. "We'll do what we can." I need to talk to someone else. "Someone else" (Chuck) says he'll take care of it.
- Callback: What's going on? "You're OK'd for a replacement, but Fast Fixes gave us information, we're trying to verify it, doing research, and it doesn't match exactly. They'll have to come out again."

Monday - Fast Fixes comes out again at 5pm, looks at the unit, verifies their previous information.

Tuesday
- 5:30am to HMSHW: What's going on? "They never called us back." Fine.
- 6am to Fast Fixes: What's going on? No one called. "We called them as soon as we were done, specifically had to call someone back, left Chuck a voicemail."
(Note: Chuck gets off at 5.)
- 6:30am to HMSHW: They called you, left a message with Chuck. "We can't access Chuck's voicemail, but we'll put a note in to Chuck so he'll call you back."
- 9:30am to HMSHW: What's up with Chuck? "I can't actually reach him, but I'll put in a note to have a supervisor call you in the next 2-4 hours"
- 12:00pm to HMSHW: What's up with Chuck? "You were told..." No, I need this resolved. (hold) "He's just cleared his voicemail and is now working on your claim."
- 2:30pm to HMSHW: What's up with Chuck? "He's still working on your claim." I need to speak to him. and...voicemail.
- 3:00pm to HMSHW: "Chuck doesn't speak to homeowners." WTF?
- 3:30pm I got the number and called the Sibcy Cline rep at HMSHW and she was aghast, said she'd help.
- 4:50pm called the rep again and she said she couldn't access the file because it was locked. But it's been worked on since noon! Again, aghast.
- 5:05 to HMSHW: Need to speak to a supervisor. "I can't locate a supervisor." Then try again. Put me on hold. And if it takes ten minutes, I'll call back and we'll do it all over again. "Chuck's finishing it up." Not good enough. I want a supervisor. Super: "We're doing things as quickly as possible...blah blah bullshit bullshit." Can you have the service company call me today? "Yes." Then that'll have to do.

And that's where we're at.

Bug bug bug until you hear something satisfactory, because right now I have to tell my daughter why she's going to have to sweat through the evening again, probably not get so much sleep.

Pain on them.

For the record, Fast Fixes and Sibcy Cline have been nothing but wonderful in the process. HMSHW is the devil.

Updates, official complaints, and responses will follow. But right now, I'm too sweaty, to angry to continue.

Seafood + China = WTF?

2007-06-19T15:07:00.000-07:00

I'm a little late on this one, but here we go, from WorldNetDaily:

According to a new report by Food & Water Watch, the aquaculture industry crams fish and shellfish into facilities to maximize production, generating large amounts of waste, contaminating water and spreading disease if left untreated. The industry tries to control the spread of bacterial infections, disease and parasites by pumping the food supplies with antibiotics and the waters with fungicides and pesticides.

Jesus, man. Ewww, gross! Anything and everything that makes me shiver about eating things I am unaware of eating is manifest in this article. Now, I have never gotten my seafood (or any food) from Wal-Mart, but knowing Wal-Mart eats up 10% of all China's exports, that's one more reason to demonize the disease of a chain.

China is questionable as a world power. Wal-Mart is a known consumer cancer. They both need to be deflected from their current trajectories.

Reaction to TGI Friday's Post

2007-06-18T04:08:00.000-07:00

I was just going to respond to the comment, but the length of the retort warrants its own post.

Sometimes a comment comes across that is so ...wrong, that I spend the weekend talking to myself in the car, irritated and confounded by the stupidity. This is one such case. The only comment from the TGI Friday's post:

fullgrownjsbx said...

your are a douche bag of massive proportions. you are the reason why restaurants can't keep there prices down. always looking for a hand out. if you have a problem solve it then instead of writing this annoying blog. :-)

My retort:

Dear fullgrownjsbx,

I don't mind being referred to as a douchebag (that's one word) if, in fact, signs of douchebaggery abound. However, after careful review of this post, there is absolutely no douchebaggery afoot.

You see, fg, a restaurant is a for-profit business. A business exists for one sole purpose: to make money. For that reason alone, the idea that restaurants have any incentive or desire to keep their prices down for the benefit of the consumer is absurd; the only reason for a business to lower prices is to increase demand and overall profit.

In order to make profit, a restaurant should be good at what it does: provide service, food, and experience on par with expectation. For example, if you go to Dick's, you expect to be insulted. But Friday's is selling quality and unique food choices, quality service, and a better-than-average experience. For that combination, I pay a little more than I would at, say Applebees and much more than McDonald's or Skyline Chili.

I am not looking for a handout and have gone ahead and solved my problem quite efficiently. If I am patronizing a restaurant and do not receive the quality of service/food/experience that that restaurant promises and I am paying for, I am going to let them know. In this case, TGI Friday's fell very low on my list of dining options, putting them in the position of making less money from my disposable income. However, by making a $5 or $10 investment, they have raised their ranking, and when I go to spend that certificate, I will probably end up spending 4 to 5 times their investment, raising their profit.

To conclude: They promise and deliver and deliver. Then one time they don't. I mention my disappointment. They do what they're supposed to do (sorry!) and I follow suit (s'okay, thanks for thinking enough of it; I'll be back).

One more thing, asshat: proper grammar makes you at least credible as opposed to coming off as a complete choad, ignorance of the economy aside.

TGI Friday's Menu/Portion Shenanigans

2007-06-13T04:28:00.001-07:00

Monday evening, my family and I went out to TGI Friday's, the Cincinnati/Hyde Park, OH location. The food was excellent and the Guinness (although somewhat flat) was $2 for some 12-14 ounces. Delicious.

Let's let the complaint letter do the talking:

While we usually have a very pleasant experience at TGI Friday's, this past Monday my wife, daughter, and I were quite disappointed in both a menu issue and how it was handled. My wife ordered the Cajun Shrimp and Pasta, pointing to the menu entry on the page with the salads. That entry was listed at $8.99. When the bill came, the meal was listed at $12.99. When questioned about the discrepancy, our waitress simply said "Well, I didn't know you wanted that size." We did not speak with the manager because this is a national/menu issue as well as one of poor service.

I appreciate that you are trying to help America get over its need for absurd portion sizes with your "Right Size" options, but from this angle, it looks more like a gimmick. The same food at different portions (and costs) appears on different pages. When ordering, the waitress did not even pause to ask which size was being ordered. And when we questioned her, the correct answer: "I apologize; allow me to correct that because I forgot to ask which size you wanted," did not even pass through her mind. Is this how you train your staff?

This is not a new game where a restaurant might get confused on how this new-fangled idea of smaller food might work: Both Applebee's and Olive Garden offer half and full portions, listed on the same page, and their servers always ask. Friday's has executed in a way that can only appear manipulative.

Aside from the menu and service issues, you also have a problem on your website. On this contact sheet, I cannot click ANY of the required fields to enter information. If I did not have the web savvy to tab through all the fields until it cycled through the browser and back to the page, I would not have been able to send this email. But, when combined with the above issues, one must question whether or not this is simply a purposeful deception.

If you so desire, you may view a copy of this communication at http://poorshowing.blogspot.com/2007/06/tgi-fridays-menuportion-shenanigans.html along with any updates or responses I might receive from you.

Thank you for your time,
Ricky Shambles

We were horribly disappointed and the intertubes trickery only compounded it. Luckily, with a new town we have much more to experience and explore than the regular chain restaurants. While comforting at some level, the ability to get the same food the same way wherever you go stinks of mundaneness. Where's the adventure in that?

As always, updates from corporate will be posted here.

6/14 UPDATE:
I just received a call from TGI Friday's Corporate! The woman on the phone didn't really introduce herself, but said she was from Corporate and wanted to address the email I sent into the company. I went over the story again, clarifying that it was the organization of the menu compounded with the misunderstanding and inaction of the server that made it a poor experience. She apologized, making sure that I understood that that was not the way the server should have handled the situation and wishing a manager had been brought in to correct it. She also wanted to make sure that the food was in good order: it was fine. Wait, no: It was up to the quality that we've come to expect while dining at TGI Friday's.

She said that they are going to send a letter of apology along with vouchers that can be used at any of their locations, as well as pass the concerns and suggestions on to upper management.

Yay! TGI Friday's gets a Quick Response Award which directly tips the scales (with vouchers) to an I'll Be Back Award.

Good show, TGI Friday's.

Miracle Gro, Round 2: We Have Pictures

2007-05-23T18:44:00.000-07:00

We last left our hero worried about setting the apartment on fire. He extinguished the smoking soil with water.

But it came back.

I do not use this as an ashtray. I only use it to put out cigarettes. The smell was blazing this morning, but trying to get my daughter to school, I didn't have time to investigate.

After the discovery, and after pushing away the cover soil, I was left with this:

I'm not trying to downside the wonderful growing potential Miracle Gro gives to its plant constituents, but when things fall in the court of watering pots of plants with its product, it's hard not to see how people can use fertilizers to make bombs.

Miracle Gro, say it ain't true!

Bingo? On the Television?

2007-05-15T15:28:00.000-07:00

What has the world come to?

I'll not be poo-pooing all the suck that comes from the TV, but sometimes you see something on television and your eyes beging to bleed - just a bit at first - and you wail inside at the depravity of our human condition and are inspired to write a treatise on what we should be doing with our existence here on this wet rock. Or blog.

I had such an unfortunate experience not long ago when I caught the promo for National Bingo Night. This is the kind of game show that's so absurd, it shows up in a movie as a tip o' the hat to the absurdity of game shows.

You see, you play bingo. And people can play at home too. "Where's the gimmick?" you say. Ask the 25 foot tall bingo ball hopper:

"Well, that's kind of cool, but no way it's better than Deal or No Deal," you say. Ah-ha! But it is! Banking on the huge success of bald Howie, they've gone one better:

And girls? He's British!

It all starts this Friday, May 19th, and thus, the end of civilization as we know it begins. At this grave time, I can only leave you with blue balls, sixty-nine, and a lady in a little red dress.

Bad Wording - Buying a Home

2007-04-30T14:50:00.000-07:00

I'm moving up to Cincinnati with the family and we're looking for a home. We've been through the buying process once already (after having looked in Ohio) and have upstarted twice after selling that. So this is our fifth go-around. We've seen our fair share of horror.

But right now we're where any computer-savvy fam/person starts: the internets.

If you've ever searched online for a home (in the format of having a realtor [realtor comes up as misspelling on Firefox 2.0? WTF?] and a full-access account to home listings, search capability, and comparison neighborhoods, etc.), you know you have the main list of stats, most of the time accompanied by pictures, but always with a paragraph of copy to help elaborate on what can't be said by simply looking at pictures or statistics. This, usually, is effervescent hyperbole.

Last week we were looking and found this paragraph of fabulous, time-saving description copy for a home listing:

LOCATION! LOCATION! Home was used as Barber shop and Dog grooming business. Prime spot on Dixie Highway next to Aldi. Seventy feet of road frontage. Great Oppurtunity (sic).

I don't think I have to go very far with descriptions. Let's bullet the high points:

LOCATION!
Barber shop
Dog grooming business
Directly on a ("Dixie") Highway
Aldi
Aldi in retrospect of LOCATION!
"Opportunity" in retrospect of Aldi and LOCATION!

You'll be diggin' dog and people crud out of your corners for years to come! Have a pet? Have a kid? Ever see Pet Sematary? Yeah, kinda like that.

Good Lord. In shopping for a home, I'm sure there's more to come.

Commercial Recant: Frank Myers Auto Maxx

2007-04-25T15:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was writing about changes and exhibited a regional commercial from Norton's Furniture of Cleveland, OH. Oh, so sorry it sucked so badly. But there are worse. Or at least as bad. Depends on the location and girth of the suck nucleus in your brain (It is fabled that those with advanced levels of suck sensory perception actually seek suck to see how stagnantly it sucks).

In a moment of half-awake commuter reflection this morning I recalled in nightmarish clarity the...well, this:

And in some hellish, demonic, abysmal, "parallel universe" joke from some diety, they also have a myspace page. Holy hell.

Speaker warning for this round on myspace: drums and someone saying "everybody rides" over and over and over...

Norton or Myers. This is truly awful.