Bad Day at Office...

Funny Competition?

2009-06-16T16:20:00.001-05:00

or Google just showing off?

You decide.

A Texas Road Trip

2009-06-03T16:06:00.000-05:00

(I'm back friends! And to compensate for the long hiatus, I present to you one gigantic post)

(P.S: It has pictures)

One of my lifelong dreams came true last weekend at San Antonio Seaworld.

Yes, you guessed it right.

I finally got to see at least 2000 mexican women (generously endowed at all the wrong places) in full make-up, each with 3 oh-cho-cute kids (and one/or more on the way for many, apparently), walking around in spaghetti tops and shorts.

Yep.

You know, the pleasant sound of "Pedroooo" every now and then really adds a new dimension to the whole seaworld experience. You all should do it once.

Anyway, before you start daydreaming about that, let me briefly recap what turned out to be a really fun Texas Road Trip.

We were supposed to start on friday before 5 PM, so that we could be in Austin by dinner time.

At 5 PM though, my wife was still on the phone with her lovely co-workers who wanted some powerpoint slides to be sent that very evening.

Thrilled at the fact that I'm not the one causing the delay (for once), I decided to laze on the couch wisecracking stuff like "why don't you send blank slides. I'm sure they'll appreciate a joke once in a while".

The glare from the other end though gave me enough hints about the possible repercussions (read: physical injuries) and so I quietly moved away pretending to pack the suitcase instead.

We finally left home at 6 (my wife is an amazingly quick packer!), picked up her cousins (K and S) on the way and were on our way by 6:45.

You see, on most days I'm a left lane guy, i.e. at least 10 above the speed limit-and constantly-in-your-rearview mirror-if-you're-not-moving-over-to-the-next-lane kind of friendly fellow.

So you can imagine what a thrill it must have been to drive at 25mph for hour-long stretches on a choke-full highway. We were wondering why the hell is everyone going to Austin for memorial day, but realized much later that it was graduation weekend at UT. On the brighter side of things, my fellow passengers were shocked at my sanskrit vocabulary range on the road and suggested a visit to the psychiatrist.

You see, on most days, I'm a classic rock kinda guy. Mix it up with Rahman and Kishore Kumar every now and then, and I'm a happy camper. My wife likes Indian Classical/Fusion. Her cousins love Indian Classical/Fusion. The only music common to all is Rahman (sort of).

Let me illustrate the scenario here:

As you can clearly see, I was in the minority and this was taken full advantage of by my fellow passengers. After 90 minutes of bollywood hits, the first classical CD was popped in and there was no looking back after this. (Hey, I'm capable of enjoying classical too, but long drive, night, slow traffic.. you know, my eyes tend to close quicker than usual). On second thought, it was probably a good idea not to play rock. I'm sure the Freebird solo would've compelled me to jump on to the shoulder and floor the gas pedal. I made the mistake of mentioning this to the group and was promptly recommended the aforementioned psychiatrist again.

After 4 hours and 15 minutes (and one close fender-bender call), we finally reached Austin. The kodbeles and papadis consumed during the journey were long gone, so we settled inside Kerbey Lane Cafe for dinner. Once at the table, I look up to the TV screen and see headline 'Lebron's incredible buzzer beater' flashing on it. Turns out No. 23 had hit an unbelievable last second shot to win the game against Orlando. (I missed it because of one stupid red corolla ahead of me on the left lane of the road which refused to go beyond 55 on a 60 speed limit). They showed at least 15 replays of the shot in the next 10 mins, but I'm sure watching it real-time would've been something else.

We then followed the regular non-indian restaurant protocol, which is:

a) Order the veggie option.

b) Tell the waiter "No Meat".

c) Ask the waiter if this contains any meat or meat derivatives at all. (At which point, he goes back to the kitchen to check with the chef, comes back and says that one sauce is actually made of chicken broth.)

d) Tell the waiter to prepare this dish with no meat-derived sauces/ingredients.

e) Prepare to tip an extra 5 bucks.

(Actually, the last point isn't always true. But I have to show some class here at least.)

By the time we ate, drove to the hotel and checked in, it was well past midnight.

Great.

The original plan was to hit Austin downtown (6th street specifically) by 11, so that we could do some proverbial 'pub-hopping'. (Yes, pub-hopping with a crowd that consists of 2 alleged teetotallers and 2 (including myself) amateur drinkers). Determined not to miss out on Austin's famed nightlife, we freshened up quickly and left for Downtown.

Now let me take a step back and bring up the one question which has been burning inside all of us ever since we started working in the US.

Where are all the young people in America dammit?? (more specifically, where are all the young women?)

[Oh come on, admit it. Its been bugging you too. After seeing endless number of auntys, uncles and ajjis everyday at work, you're just as desperate to see some wrinkle-free (or botox-less) skin.]

I finally found the answer. They're all in Austin!

The moment we entered 6th Street, my mind just went numb. I had not seen this much skin since, er.. since birth. There were at least 1000-1500 people in one street and you had to struggle to find a face which looked older than 25. For the first time, I felt old in America.

Every outfit imaginable to man was there, including latex pants(!). We saw a cat-fight, something that resembled a hip-bumping dance, and 2 guys so drunk that they were rolling on the street pretending to dance. Heck, we even saw a prostitute openly negotiate terms of service with a boy who did not look 18 to us.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that it was one wet t-shirt contest away from going absolutely bonkers out there. Our spouses tried to distract us from all the "kannige tampu's" (eye candy) for the first 2 minutes, but gave up wisely since it was a pointless exercise and focused their attention on the shirtless/6-packed boys instead.

The whole street was lined up with pubs. We picked one named 'Blind Pig' and entered. ID Check was a formality as the guy accepted my Indian DL (the book, with handwritten name) as proof.

We ordered a couple of drinks, which took about 20 minutes, and headed to the roof where the music was bellowing from. It was primarily yuppie music - mostly hip-hop and an occasional pop ditty. But it went well with the ambiance and we had a great time (Apparently not as great as the time the cross-cultured couple next to us were having, who spent the whole time in just one canine-inspired position).

By 2:30, they closed shop and we were forced out. Not ready to turn in just yet, we decided to go to a bowling alley which was supposed to be open till 4. But as we approached it, we saw that it was closed. Disappointed, we returned to the car and started back to the hotel.

We hadn't moved more than 100 meters when I noticed that a police car had just taken a U turn and was now behind us. (BTW, there were way too many cops in Austin. I think this was their collection season). In a split second, I realized that my lights weren't on. (Another Lesson learnt: Check if the car has automatic light setting before renting it). I turned them on and hoped that the cop would just let it go.

But of course, he turned his lights on.

Crap.

Slowly, I parked on the right of the road. This was not good. Reasons:

a) I had recently applied for Texas License and they'd taken away my earlier Michigan License. Now all I had was this crumpled piece of paper the DMV had given me as a temp permit.

b) My Indian License was in a laughable state. In fact, last year at the grand canyon a cop had looked at it and laughed out loud.

c) We had had a couple of drinks (Yikes.)

d) We definitely had the confused desis=milkable bakras look mastered.

Anyway, the cop comes out of his car.

Cop: 'Hi, My name is *%balderdash# (They speak so fast, how can you figure out everything?). I'm with Austin Police Dept. Your DL and registration please'

Me (smiling awkwardly): Sure Officer.

I hand him the rental contract and my crumpled permit paper.

He takes a confused look at it.

I enlighten him. 'I'm new to Texas. I still haven't got my DL'.

'Okay. The reason I stopped you Sir is because I saw you driving without your lights'

Shit.

'Oh, we'd jussst pulled out of parking, officer. I turned them on almost immediately'. I proceed to show him where we'd parked.

He doesn't buy it.

'Why would you park here at this time of the night?'

I tell him our bowling story.

He's still not convinced.

'Sir, were you having any food or talking on the phone will pulling out of parking?'

'No'.

'Did you have anything to drink at all tonight?'

He asks this in a friendly casual, almost smiling way. Its a skill really. Almost made me say 'yeah a couple'.

But I'm up to the task.

'Not really', I say with a straight face.

'Okay, I'll be back'.

He goes back to his car, checks my previous record (which is impeccable, btw) and comes back.

'Okay Sir, I'll be giving you a verbal warning this time since you realised your mistake all by yourself. But I'd like you to turn the lights on well before you start driving'.

'Oh absolutely officer. Thank you!', controlling the jubilation.

And then, he hands me a business card.

'This is the website where we're running a survey of police performance. Please fill it out and you'll get 2 free tacos from Taco Bell!'

I was speechless.

Anyways, we decided to celebrate our lucky escape by having some late night samosas at a place curiously named 'Ken's Donuts'.

By the end of it all, at 4 AM, we were exhausted and finally in bed.

Day 2 began with a trip to Inner Space Caverns in Georgetown just outside Austin. Awesome natural wonder. Stalactites and Stalagmites and what not. Quite surreal actually. Here's a sample pic that I took:

After having lunch at Madras Pavilion, we visited Mount Bonnell - a posh little locality outside Austin overlooking Lake Austin and some of the most expensive houses in the state. These guys have the lake as their playground. We hadn't stayed there for 10 minutes - not enough time for photo sessions whilst competing for vantage points with other desi families - that the skies turned cloudy. This is what we saw coming towards us:

We got out of there just in time, mainly because I kept making timely Arnold one-worders like 'Quick', 'Here' and 'Hurry' to egg the team along.

Next, K took us to University of Texas (UT) for a quick tour that lasted close to 2 hours. The campus is endless, the facilities evoking fond memories of my Engg. days in NIE where I had to park my Luna in a muddy lawn and run across the busy road to the library to get the one and only (almost dying) copy of Mano's Digital Design and take it over to Girish Xerox to get the 29paise kerosene xerox of the whole book and return it by evening as per the 'adjustment' with the librarian.

We also caught glimpses of graduation ceremonies at various departments, students looking fabulous and happy, parents positively beaming, teachers and deans looking regal which again reminded me of my graduation - I went to NIE office to collect my 'B.E' certificate, the guy in the office screamed 'Lo swamy, ivndu certificate idya nodo' upon which, a certain swamy rummaged through the pile of certificates, handed me mine and said 'Nexxxt'.

Anyway, after buying some vegetable chips (which are superb, u tried them?), we started for San Antonio. Traffic Gods were easy on me this time and we cruised through comfortably - except for one interesting moment when I couldn't take the classical music anymore and said 'saaaaku eee piteelu', which although wasn't received well, was acted upon and the music was switched over to Mungaaru Male. Victory!

Day 3 began with Seaworld. Before that, we decided to buy tickets online because we could save almost $8 per head. Recession baas. What to do?

What we did not anticipate was the speed of the computer/internet at the hotel lobby. I started recalling the days with my old Pentium 100mhz with 16mb RAM when I would click on MS Word and eat Curd Rice till it opened. Only, this was worse. It took us full 25 minutes to book and print 4 tickets. I am certain there was some virus or malware in that computer. Any day now, I'm expecting to see a 1000$ adult entertainment bill on my credit card.

So we entered Seaworld, after paying $15 for parking in the open sun (If there's a bigger scam in this world, I'd like to see it please). We went to see the Killer Whale show. It is nicknamed Shamu, which I believe is short for Shamsundru. The whales were truly awe inspiring, displaying agility unimaginable for their size - something Romesh Pawar should see and hang himself.

We also saw a dolphin show, where the divers' acrobatics outshone the dolphins.

Lunch consisted of some horrible cheese pizza and soft drinks. The crowd here could not have been any different than the one in Austin. See, when you enter the bathroom to see 3 women waiting outside it and once inside see 10 men crouching near the urinals, only to realize that they're actually:

a) unbuttoning the pants of their 4 yr old, or

b) wiping their 2 yr old, or

c) holding the pee-pee of their 3 yr old,

you know you're in the wrong place.

But hey, Shamsundru made it worthwhile.

That evening, we went to the famed San Antonio Riverwalk. It was really charming and had an old worldly feel to it.

We spent an hour walking by restaurant after restaurant before finally settling down at Hard Rock Cafe. Everyone had cocktails while I decided to try Dos Equis (XX) and torment everyone with my 'Stay Thirsty My Friends' line. This was preceded by a priceless moment of comedy while ordering when K told the waiter 'I'll have Sex on the Beach' to which the waiter quipped 'Sure, as long as the cops aren't watching' and winked at him!

We would not let that go for the reminder of the trip.

After having a mediocre mexican dinner, we turned in.

The final day was reserved for shopping and return journey. San Marcos is apparently famous for its mile long outlet malls, so the girls literally steered the car into it. After 2 hours and $250 lighter, we started back on the road again. We stopped in Austin for lunch at Masala Wok and it turned out to be the best meal of the trip. Their Gobi 'Manchuri' reminded me of a famous mysore roadside gaadi called 'tootsie' near kuvempunagar. After spending a whopping $80, we were back on the road again.

The rest of the journey was relatively event less. The trip ended with the following conversation between S and me.

S: 'So what now, dont tell me you're going to play your video games after going home'

Me: 'Its been 4 days. Yea, I think I'll play for a while'

At this point, both S and my wife exchange weird looks complete with eye-rolls and everything while I look on cluelessly.

If anyone knows a good psychiatrist, email me.

(P.S: Saw Up! last week and it is Fantastic!. A Must watch.)

Love Triangle

2009-04-20T16:55:00.003-05:00

What to do?

*Sigh*

Shutterbug

2009-04-16T11:54:00.003-05:00

You little beauty.

The Cream of Cricket

2009-02-26T11:34:00.001-06:00

I was reading the very funny Andy Zaltzman's blog the other day and it reminded me of my early years in Bangalore when me and my friends/roommates would sit and discuss something as ridiculous as 'how would the world's worst cricket team look like'.

That's the advantage of having like-minded, similar-wavelengthed friends as roommates. It is quite rare and should be cherished while it lasts. We would spend insane amounts of time discussing whether a player is 'worthy' enough to be picked in the world's worst cricket team. These discussions would last hours on end. On many occassions we would walk to Home Meals in Jayanagar 4th block, have dinner and come back home without even remembering what we ate or how long the walk was.

Anyway, I seem to have misplaced my copy of one such squad. Over the last few days I have tried my best to recollect it using my superhero-esque memory powers.

(For all you purists & uptights, I have this to say: As an accomplished allrounder in gully cricket, I have every right and capability to judge other petty international cricketers)

So without further ado, presenting, on the auspicious occassion of ICC's centenary year, (fittingly) the Cream of Cricket.

Team: KMH (Kivi Mele Hoovu)

Vikram Rathour (IND) (wk) - Yes. He is the wicket keeper too. He can also bowl if you want. Superb player under pressure.

Wajahatullah Wasti (PAK) - A solid reliable quick scoring opener who almost single handedly won the 99 world cup.

Jacob Martin (IND) - A cool head. So cool, sometimes it forgets to score.

Dale Benkenstein (SA) - Another solid middle order batsman who's currently taking the ICL by storm.

Sylvester Joseph (WI) - Raw talent that those stupid WI selectors failed to encourage.

Chandika Hathurasingha (SL) - A living example of how one's weight cannot affect one's abilities.

Adam Huckle (ZIM) (c ) - He was Zimbabwe's captain. 'nuff said.

Abey Kuruvilla (IND) - Only bowler to beat Venkatesh Prasad in terms of Build : Pace ratio. Also takes home the best bowling action prize.

Chris Drum (NZ) - Exciting, incisive fast bowler. Wow.

Nehemiah Perry (WI) - Square turner of the ball. Again, those WI selectors.

Henry Williams (SA) - Damn the match fixing controversy for cutting short a promising career.

Reserves

Mark Ramprakash (ENG) - You cannot tell me you didn't get goosebumps out of excitement when he came out to bat.

Nadeem Khan (PAK) - Aah. Perfect loop, guile and turn. Too bad Pakistan only loves its pacers.

Pommie Mbangwa (ZIM) - What a joy it was to see his hair bounce around in front of his eyes just before he delivered the ball. And he got buckets of wickets in spite of that.

Adam Dale (AUS) - Killer swing bowler.

Russell Arnold (SL) - Has the most beautiful sweep shot. Perfectly suited for middle overs. He can pinch a single in the 3rd man area even with 3 fielders in. Backup Captain.

Ruchira Perera (SL) - The original slinger. Sachin feared him. Malinga would do better if he learnt some tricks from him.

Team: HMT (Heglu Mele Towel)

Debang Gandhi (IND) - I will never forgive McGrath for ending such a promising, exciting opener's career.

Matthew Horne (NZ) - A classy opening batsman. Hardly ever edged to slip.

Darren Ganga (WI) (c ) - He became captain of WI. 'nuff said again.

Mohammad Hussain (PAK) - The best looking of the lot. Amazingly consistent with both bat and ball.

Sanjeeva Ranatunga (SL) - A real hidden talent. SL has a lot of those.

Courtney Browne (WI) (wk) - A calming, inspiring presence on the field. Very consistent.

Prashant Vaidya (IND) - What pace! What swing! What happened?

Eric Upashanta (SL) - Superb straight arm action, which caused the ball to move so much that it ended up being wide many times. That was his only problem.

Mahendra Nagamootoo (WI) - Another terrific WI spinner who was sidelined by WI in favor of another promising fast bowler Marlon Black.

Mick Lewis (AUS) - An honest fast bowler who dismissed his world record performance of 10-0-113-0 by saying "It was just a game".

Heath Davis (NZ) - Generated too much movement off the seam. Kept the slips interested. Just not the batsman.

Reserves

Khaled Mahmud (BAN) - Genuine allrounder. Matchwinner.

Ian Salisbury (ENG) - England's best spinner. Without a doubt. Had a great rivalry with Shane warne during the 90's.

Peter Martin (ENG) - Tall, fast and lethal. Having a splendind action helped him take bagful of wickets in his short career.

Winston Benjamin (WI) - A True caribbean speedster. His venomous bouncers were rendered useless on lifeless pitches of Jamaica & Trinidad.

Pubudu Dassanayake (SL) - A world class keeper and an immaculate batsman.

Dulip Liyanage (SL) - Fastest Srilankan bowler of the last decade. Only Nuwan Zoysa has come close since.

Honarable Mentions (i.e. AJMs)

Sujith Somasunder (IND): A dashing, dynamic opener who stood tall to McGrath, even when his stumps did not.

Noel David (IND): A Mystery Spinner.

Blair Hartland (NZ): A Calm and composed player who can stabilize any innings.

Amay Khurasiya (IND): Classy left hander capable of some lusty blows.

Niroshan Bandaratilleke (SL): Left Arm Orthodox spinner who can control the run flow in any situation.

Ashish Kapoor (IND): Still waiting for his recall into the squad.

Are you still reading? OK...

Now that you are well familiar with the teams, can you predict the winner if these two powerhouse teams meet head to head?

For added effect, imagine this match being umpired by Ameish Saheba and Steve Bucknor, match refereed by Mike Denness and commentated by Ranjith (Wickath Crickath) Fernando, Arun (Insightful) Lal and Sidhu.

(Extraaa Innings hosted by Charu Sharma with guests Kapil Dev, Mohinder Amarnath & Aamir Sohail all speaking English)

(Suggestions to the team composition are most welcome. Only rule is that they should be from my generation i.e. late 80s - present day.)

Six Six Six

2009-02-08T20:27:00.001-06:00

No No, I have not lost my marbles (contrary to many an opinion) and started writing Iron Maiden lyrics out of the blue.

Actually, I have been tagged, by DewDropDream.

The deal is: I must pick up the sixth photo in the sixth folder of my photos folder and post it here with a brief descritption-cum-explanation.

Hmmm.. Simple enough.

Problem is the sixth pics folder on my computer has no pictures in it. Only more folders. So I've done the logical thing and selected the sixth folder inside the sixth folder and the sixth picture inside that very sixth folder inside the original sixth folder. (and hence, the number of the beast).

This is my pic:

Actually, this picture was taken by my wife, from inside the car. It was taken on the 25th of February 2008 in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Even though it looks like an evening shot, it was about 10 in the morning. Yeah, blizzards tend to do that to Michigan. A Lot.
We were carrying our camera with us in case some freaky snow situation happened (which was quite likely considering the fact that it was a horrendous blizzard and I had to drive 45 miles and back with only one movable arm). Yes, Camera trumped snickers bars, apples, tropicana and other lesser significant things. Fortunately (or otherwise, depending on how you look at it), the trip was largely uneventful.

We were driving out of our neighborhood. The streets were deserted, as usual. It was then that we suddenly saw a moving object. It was a lady, moving slowly on a non-existant sidewalk, without an umbrella and just her hoodie for protection. She was either very brave or very desperate, we thought. We took her picture.

On second thought, I think it was more of an excitement of just seeing a human being on the road that prompted us to click that picture.

Good Times.

(I would like to tag Anoop, Mr. Shenoy, Perplexed, Bindya and Paarijatha. Come on, get off your lazy cushions and get to work, I say!)

Attack of the Amway Desis

2009-02-03T22:24:00.003-06:00

They have a gift.

They can smell you, perhaps even sense your presence in their vicinity. They are predators alright, but skilled ones at that. Their regular hunting grounds are the milk and the canned tomato aisles at Walmart. The moment they spot you in the cereal aisle looking confusedly at Kellogs' Chocolatey Delight and Vanilla Almond, they lock you in their sights. They don't follow you, but somehow 'accidentally' bump into you in the next aisle. And then they go about the kill, slowly and softly.

Yes, I am talking about the 'Amway' Desis.

My friends had adequately warned me about these creatures, more so now that I'd moved to Texas. And after two encounters in 3 days, I am now seriously contemplating doing my groceries at 1 AM on a wednesday.

Why, you ask? Allow me to cut to the flashbacks.

Thursday evening:

On the way home from work, I remembered that I was running out of cereal (now that I'm guzzling 4 boxes a week!). So I decided to stop by the friendly neighborhood Walmart. Navigating my way through the friendly stray shopping carts, I parked at the closest available parking spot which was only half a mile away from the entrance. Actually, in one of the great ironies of life, I feel jealous of the handicapped every time I go to Walmart.

Anyway, I was at the milk section when I noticed a decently dressed 'Desi' being awfully polite to all and sundry. Hmmm.. something fishy, I thought. Well, actually I was walking by the seafood section when I thought that. But anyway..

So I was in the chips aisle doing inky-pinky-ponky between regular and jalapeno cheetos when I heard a voice.

"So, looking for Indian Chips aa?"

It was the aforementioned Decent Desi. I don't know where he came from because the aisle was empty when I entered it.

"Missing Indian Chips aa?" he asked again.

I was startled, only for a second. Then I was actually disappointed.

Missing Indian Chips? Really?? You're looking to get unknown people into your business network and that is the best pick up line you can come up with?

"Hehe" I let out an awkward smile, avoiding making eye contact for more than 2 seconds.

"You are Indian, right?" he asks. I was impressed.

"Yep".

"Hi, I'm LKB" (original name withheld), he offers a handshake. I return the favor.

"Where are you from?" enquiry begins.

"Bangalore".

"Oh.. my sister lives in Bangalore".

Sister? Riiight. Hundred bucks says your dad got a 'Nasbandhi' after you were born, I thought. Couldn't say it to his face though. I blame it on my upbringing.

"I know Brigade Road. Nice place" he continues, beaming with confidence on his knowledge of Bangalore.

That's nothing. Visit Okalipuram once. Another awkward smile.

"Where in Bangalore are you from?"

"Jayanagar" I answer.

"Jayanagar.. Hmmm.. I don't know that place. I only know Brigade Road".

Really? You don't say! I'm just glad you asked that question anyway.

"So, what do you do?"

Oh, you mean besides engaging in such stimulating conversations? "I'm an IT Consultant for XYZ company"

"Ohhhh! That's cool"

That was followed by 2 more minutes of enquiry about the domain, technology and cubicle I work in.

"So, how long are you gonna be in Texas?" Finally, he's coming to the point.

"Hmm.. I'm not sure at this point of time" I'm proud of myself.

"Hehe.. IT consultant right, situation is bad here for you folks"

Aah, he's also a scholar and an economist. Maybe I should just give him my phone number.

"Hey, why don't you give me your phone number?" Here it comes. "I'll give you a missed call and you can store my number". Bullseye!

Okay, you know what's a perfect example of an amateur mistake? Carrying your cellphone in your hand while walking around in Walmart.

I was cornered. I had to give him my number and pretend I was saving his name while I went through AT&T's free spam in my inbox.

"What time do you come home in the evening?"

Huh? Are you planning a surprise birthday party or something, coz my birthday's not due for months.

"I dunno, its pretty hectic at work these days". Indeed it is.

"No worry, I'll give you a call soon. And we can meet sometime in the evening. I live close by"

Can't wait.

"Okay, bye" I rushed out of the aisle even before completing that sentence.

Five minutes later, I was walking towards checkout and bam! I saw him again, walking towards the same set of checkout counters as me. With a combination of great speed and supreme cart dodging skills, I turned the other way and ran towards the ladies lingerie section where I took a very forced refuge for 5 full minutes.

I lived to fight another day.

Sunday afternoon:

That another day came sooner than I had hoped for. My mistake this time: I waited till the very last moment to do last minute chips & dips shopping before the superbowl game and hence let my guard down at the battleground.

This time it was a couple, in their mid 30s. They sneaked up on me while I was unsuspectingly looking at some cheddar dips. I shall refer to them as 'Dumma' and 'Kulli'.

"Hey, you look familiar. Are you from Chennai?" Dumma asked. I instantly recognized the genuinity in his voice.

"No", I responded, without a smile.

"But you are from South India right?", he expanded his horizons quickly.

"Yes, Bangalore"

"Ohhh Bangalore!", Kulli exclaimed, again, genuinely. "We lived in Bangalore some time back. In BTM Layout"

"Oh. Goood".

They then followed the standard questionnaire template (job, domain, technology, how long in the US, what time you come home from work) before Dumma finally came to the point

"Hey, why don't you give me your cell number? We can meet sometime."

This time, I was ready. My cell was safe in my trouser pocket, and the crease it created was barely visible.

"Actually, I don't have a phone yet. I've been here only for a week"

Nobody call me now. Nobody call me now. Please.

"Ohh. Okay, take my number at least"

I shrugged my hands indicating I don't have a pen or a paper. And I obviously don't have a cellphone.

Victory!

"Hey look, I have pen and paper", Kulli smirked as she plucked the pen and paper out of her purse.

So close.

I took the piece of paper and was about to take my leave when Dumma decided to make a last ditch attempt.

"Hey, at least give me your hotel phone number man"

Wow. I didn't see that coming.

"I don't remember it off hand. Sorry".

I'll kill you and your wife if I miss the kickoff.

"Hmm.. No problem, I'll look it up online. Just tell me the room number".

My god. He must be getting a really fat commission on this. There's no other explanation.

"Its 108", I said.

"Okay then, we'll see you soon".

I sincerely, desperately, faithfully, 'on-my-knees-god-please-have-mercy-on-me'fully hope not.

As I was leaving the place, a wierd thought entered my head. What it was, you shall soon find out.

Fast forward 4 hours:

Its the fourth quarter, Arizona's just scored a freakin' unbelievable touchdown. The two minute warning has just been sounded. Big Ben is driving the Steelers down the field. Can this get any better?

Yes it can. (Its the catchphrase of the season!)

My phone rang. Unknown number. I contemplated for 10 seconds and then picked it up.

"Hi! This is LKB. How are you?"

Incomplete pass. 2nd down at the Steelers 45.

"Huh?"

"Hey, this is LKB. Remember, we'd met at Walmart a few days ago".

What. The. Fuck.

(Lesson Learnt: When an Amway douchebag gives you his phone number, Save it. At least you'll know when not to pick up the phone)

"Oh Right. Whatsup?"

"Hey, I was wondering if you wanna come down to my house tomorrow"

"What? Hey, are you not watching the game?"

"Which game?"

Roethlisberger sacked. Do or die 3rd down now. Why in the bloody world am I still talking to this guy.

"The Superbowl"

"Oh. I don't really follow all these sports"

"But I do. So, bye."

And I cut the call. That's the first time I ever hung up on someone I knew. It felt sooo good.

It was then I started giving my aforementioned wierd thought a little more er.. thought.

I was so proud of the way I wriggled myself out of the hands of these creeps twice in a row, I felt I should take this up as a night job, you know like a super hero.

'Harassed by pain in the arse business networkers? Do not fear. Blade Bhadra is here.'

My super power would be distracting these crooks from victims by using their own 'blading' methods, and then slipping out of the situation with blade like smoothness.

I am not kidding. In fact, at this very moment, I am stiching my superhero outfit. This is what I'm gunning for.

Well, if it doesn't work out, I always have my wednesday 1 AM plan.

And by the way, Room 108 is the room next to mine, currently being inhabited by a big black guy who's making an unusual amount of noise.

'Suiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiik'

(That was the sound of a blade. A smooth blade. Its gonna be my alter ego's signoff.)

What an Album!

2009-01-27T19:50:00.005-06:00

Ever since Himesh started singing full time, I started dreading a new album release. In a way I am actually delighted he's started acting. I can live with a 'Mashaaa allaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan' once in 8 months.

The good thing is that for all those Himesh, Anu Malik and other mere mortals, we have one Rahman.

I do not usually write full posts about music albums. Not for bollywood film music at least.

But in the last few days, I have gotten so absorbed by this gem of an album, by one gem of a musician, that I had to write about it.

I have been listening to 'Delhi 6' since last weekend and I've got to say this is some of the best music I've heard in years. It is interesting how lyricists seem to up their game for a Rahman album. Prasoon Joshi is emerging as a class act of late, and here he creates some amazingly meaningful yet non-cliched poetry.

And there's Rahman. He weaves magic around those words, transcending genres effortlessly in the process. I dare you to show me another contemporary album with such variety, and quality.

I'm actually compelled to put a listing. So here goes:

Masakali: Oh, the song you'll fall in love with. Fresh, Unusual and Earthy. Mohit Chauhan sings it with flair and energy. The lyrics compare Sonam Kapoor to a carefree pigeon. You can't help being smitten by it.

Arziyan: While I'm not the right guy to analyze the subtleties of a genre like this, I can still recognize a good composition. The words are honest and so are the singers.

Dilli 6: The title track is one giddy mix of guitar, funk, rap and attitude. The rhythm is so infectious, you can't help but keep tapping your foot, which is okay unless you're foot is on the brake of your car, which may result in you get honked for braking pointlessly. (This was totally hypothetical, by the way.)

Rehna Tu: Beautiful Beautiful song. Its funny how Rahman ends up singing the best songs in all his albums. The beat is just perfect, lyrics eternally romantic, reminding you of your loved one every time you play it. My guess is this song is played as background to some intimate scenes between the lead pair, which could be an interesting watch. I can easily see this one being a hot favorite at Valentine's day dedications.

Dil Gira Dafatan: Best song of the album for me. It has got this mysterious otherworldy feel to it. Every time I play it, I feel transported to another universe where everything moves in slow motion. At the heart of it, I think it is a song about one way love. There's something hauntingly poetic about one way love; a sensation that every guy or girl has felt at least once in a lifetime. The words are just dreamy. And the vocals. God, I wonder where Rahman finds all this talent. Have you heard of Ash King and Tanmayee? Well, hear them here and you'll wonder where they were all these days. I just love this song when I'm on the road. I stop caring for traffic or anything else for that matter. Did I mention that there's not a single beat of percussion in the entire track?

Genda Phool: Most interesting track. A simple folksy tune about marriage is raised to far higher levels of interestingness by adding some groovy percussion in the mix. You can't teach this stuff in music schools. It is just magic.

Bhor Bhaye: An out and out classical number. I keep telling myself that I haven't attained the levels of maturity required to enjoy Indian classical music. But I loved this one. It is intense, sometimes bordering on fusion, but you can just close your eyes and enjoy it.

Aarti: Customary spiritual ditty. Its become a standard for Rahman albums. I didn't mind it.

At the end of it, you realize Rahman is just so far ahead of anybody else in India (maybe even in the world with all the oscar noms) that it is almost laughable.

Is it not?

Okay, close your eyes and just picture Himesh in his new Karzzz wig singing (and dancing) 'Harri Yomm Harri Yomm Harri Yooouuuuuum' for 30 seconds.

See, that did the trick.

A Realization

2009-01-22T21:08:00.003-06:00

My eyes open. Its five past 7 in the morning. I turn to see that she's still sound asleep. I move her hair away from her eyes and gently kiss her forehead. That's how I usually wake her up.

She twitches a little, moans a little and turns away to sleep again. That's how she usually responds.

"Honey, I'll be late. Again. Wake up", I whisper.

She twitches again, half opens her eyes and pulls my shoulder towards her.

"Five more minutes", she mumbles "Pleeeez". It is too much for me to resist. And she knows it.

I lie down again for two minutes and then grumpily pull myself out of the bed.

"Honeyyyyyyyy", I let out another wake up call as I'm putting toothpaste on my brush, but hear nothing.

After a couple of minutes, I come out to see her finally up, sitting on the bed, still under the sheets. She is stretching her arms slowly, like a bollywood heroine. With still half open eyes, she gives me a 'come hither' look. When I reach her, she pulls me next to her, pulls up the sheets on me and snuggles up next to me.

Two more minutes of sweet gibberish follow ending with "Don't go to office today.. Pleeeeeease". It is accompanied with those sad kitten eyes for extra impact. Even though I hear it every day, I still consider it every day.

With great difficulty, I get her out of bed and push her into the bathroom. I then proceed for my morning combo of online news and Sportscenter. Ten minutes pass. I feel her arms wrap around me from behind the couch and she plants a big kiss on my cheek. Before I even turn around, she's off to the kitchen. Now that she's fully awake, she's realized that its getting late for me.

"Will you drink milk?" She asks.

"No" I reply, as always.

She hands me a glass of Bournvita anyway, followed by two minutes of explanation on how milk is good for my recently healed broken arm.

"Yucckkk, there's all sort of things floating in it. I don't want it"

"That's just kene (cream). Shut up and drink it"

I take five full minutes to carefully avoid all the kenes and finish the milk.

"Gawd, what a baby!", she smacks the back of my head before taking the glass away from me.

Halfway through reading the day's Bill Simmons' column, I hear her voice, "Aren't you getting late?"

Yes, I am. I rush to the bathroom. 10 minutes later, as I am getting dressed, she walks in with breakfast. Its my favorite: Khaara Avalakki (A Poha Dish). She knows that I'm already running late, so she spoon-feeds me half the food. Finally, I'm dressed and I take the plate from her and start eating while returning to the Bill Simmons column.

"God! Can't you read that after you reach office?"

"Okay, Okay". I gobble up the last 2 spoons together, place the plate in the sink and proceed towards the glass of orange juice.

"Honeyy.."

".. I know. I'll pack your laptop"

"Don't forget my SecureID Token"

"Ayyoo gotthappa, neenu ninn SecureID (Ohh, I know, you and you're SecureID)"

I wash up and come back to the living room to see my bag packed.

"Will you come early today?"

"Yes, I'll definitely try!"

"That's what you say every day"

"No, today I will definitely be home before 5:30".

"5:30?? That's early??"

"Then what? You want me to come back at 4?

(Giggling) "Hmmm"

"I'll stay home instead, why bother."

"Yayyyyy!"

"I'll make up some bahaana to my boss and try to sneak out early, Okay na?"

"Tell your boss that you have a wife who's waiting at home all day thinking about her husband"

"Why don't you tell him that?"

"Sure. Give me your phone", and she plucks the phone away from my hand.

"You're crazy!! Give me my phone back"

"Only if you promise to come at least half an hour earlier than usual"

"Okayppa, I promise"

"Okay, take it. Now give me a ummwaa"

"Umwaaaaah"

"That's it?? I want more" (giggles).

Some more ummaas later, I wave goodbye (and some flying ummaas) and head out towards the car. As I'm warming my hands inside the car, I see her on the balcony. It is freezing cold, but she's there, just like every other day, waving goodbye and watching me till I'm out of sight.

While driving, I keep smiling at the thought of her trying to call my boss & getting him to send me home early and suddenly, I realize that I forgot to tell her how great the Avalakki was.

I feel that a phone call isn't good enough and decide to turn back home...

"kikikikik... kikikikik.... kikikikik .... kikikikik ... kikikikik"

My eyes open.

Its 7:15.

I turn, hoping that she's there, but I am alone.

Slumdog Millionaire

2009-01-20T10:08:00.009-06:00

I watched Slumdog Millionaire this weekend and I have to say I'm a little confused about how I feel about the film.

First of all, unless you're from another planet, it is impossible to walk into the cinema hall to watch this film without any expectations. It has been lauded with superlatives by critics across the globe and it has won 4 major awards at the Golden Globes this year. It is expected to repeat that performance at the Oscars next month.

With all these expectations, I walked in hoping to be 'wow'ed, I mean absolutely 'holy-smoke-that-was amazing' wowed. But to be honest, I was only just impressed.

Firstly, being an Indian, I felt the urge to dissect the film a lot more than others. There were plenty of moments in the film when I went "whoa! that was a little exaggerated". Would I have done the same if the same film was based in, lets say 'Mexico'? Probably Not.

Secondly, its the hype. This is a very good film, no doubt about it. But the hype surrounding it makes it look like a path-breaking must-see film, which it is not. It is a 100% filmi film, with all the right masala in it. The only difference is the way it is served.

Danny Boyle is one crafty filmmaker. He takes a good story (Vikas Swarup's Q&A) based in an exotic foreign land (Mumbai Slums), adds the right dose of shocking images, gets a great soundtrack by Rahman and infuses some symbolism at the right places, and voila!.. you have a potential Oscar winner.

Oscars and the like always seem a little weird for me. A little overrated, perhaps. Why should one lobby furiously for his film to win this award? Doesn't that kinda defeat the purpose of the best film winning? I've never really understood the intricacies involved there. But I digress.

Coming back to the film, there are bits which are clearly stretched from reality for the sake of the film's narrative. I am pretty sure nobody would ever jump into a pile of sh*t just to get AB's autograph. Would News Channels be sitting idle if they found out that the game show contestant who's become a national phenomenon has been arrested without a shred of evidence? Which TV channel would allow its game show host to treat a participant in the same insulting way Anil Kapoor treats Dev Patel?

Which brings me to the actors. I was actually disappointed with Anil Kapoor. I like his range as an actor and the fact that he's willing to take on unconventional roles. But he overdoes it here. Also, I felt that the Host-Participant chemistry could have been given a little more depth and intrigue.

On the other hand, the 2 young leads Dev Patel and Freida Pinto have acted very well indeed.

Dev Patel shows great restraint & control in some difficult scenes. Earnestness, that's what his performance projects. Freida Pinto is disarmingly beautiful. She has a very expressive face, especially those eyes. And a smile which matches Madhuri Dixit's in wattage.

Irrfan Khan is great as usual. Mahesh Manjrekar is his usual annoying self. The real stars of the film are the kids who play the younger versions of the 3 protagonists. Their performances are ashtonishingly real and it is they who give the film the much needed emotional connection with the audience.

Great cinematography and a superb background score elevate the film to something more than just good.

(I thought the song 'n dance at the end was a cute touch too!)

At the end of the day, it is a really good work of fiction, aimed and marketed perfectly to its target audience.

A chaiwalla who doesn't know about the Indian Flag goes on to win 2 Crores after answering all of 15 increasingly difficult questions based on just his life experiences, which were mostly horrific.

Sounds intriguing? You bet. But does it sound plausible? Hmmm.. not so much.

(P.S. : I apologize to everyone who checked my blog in these last 3 weeks only to be disappointed with no new posts. Yes, to all 3 of you :))

(P.S.2: I've gotten hooked to Masakali song from Dilli 6. God bless Rahman!)

A Really Bad Day at Office.

2008-12-31T03:46:00.002-06:00

I'm sitting at my desk staring at the computer screen. No work to do. No one from our office gang is in today. I've come to office to finish some paperwork with Finance which, as expected will only happen after 5 in the evening. There is not a single person in the adjoining 5 cubicles. Where the hell is everybody dammit? What am I doing here??

Winamp is running on shuffle mode since morning. I've even read all the user comments on rediff.

Bangladesh were giving me something to look forward to, but even they folded for 410 odd.

Okay, I shall drown my boredom in some random musings.

Saw Ghajini on friday. Good masala movie, although I felt that there wasn't enough of the intriguing short-term-memory-loss concept even though that was publicized as the USP of the film. I watched it in Urvashi theater with 2000 other people. The ambience was terrific. Aamir khan can take a bow for his versatility. Asin is like a breath of fresh air. Jiah khan has super potential, methinks.
Went to Mysore over the weekend. Me & the missus visited chamundi hills & the temple. Huuge crowd. Chaos. Screwed a couple of smartasses trying to jump the ticket queue. Sadistic pleasure :). One funny incident though: A marwari guy walked toward the small hanuman idol inside the temple, pointed toward the idol and asked the poojari "yeh kaun hain"? The poojari looked at him dumbfounded for 3 seconds, then just lost it totally and chased him out of the temple while yelling obscenities!!
Visited a friend and her cute li'l 3 month old baby girl. She'd dressed her up in a pink frock we'd gifted her when the baby was born. So sweet. Is it just me or are girl babies a little quieter & less destructive than boy babies?
The fact that I only have 2 more days to eat all the indian junk food is making me feel miserable.
Whatever happened to Anuradha Paudwal, that singer with a distinctly melodious voice? I'm listening to the title song of 'Hum Aapke Dil Mein Rehte Hain' (I know), and she sounds so damn melodious. Good song that.
My office gang is disintegrating. And its making me sad. I'm leaving for the US, one quit the company, one moved to a different department and a different office.. all this at once. Dunno if life will be the same again once I return.

Okay, enough rambling. Its 3:30. Time to harass the finance guys once more.

Spiritual Conquest, Karnatic Style: Part 2

2008-12-29T01:45:00.003-06:00

Dharmasthala was hot. Sweltering hot actually, which didn't make sense because it was December. Walking around barefoot didn't help either.

We headed straight to the temple and stood in the queue for 'darshana'. And thus began the most traumatic 2 hours of my life. The queue moved slower than traffic on Bannerghatta Road, but we were lucky to be surrounded by some very civilized, cultured people who kept us entertained throughout. These people were also obviously high on personal hygiene. And their kids were a charm. Honest. Highlight of my trip: When one of those kids vomited in the middle of the queue.

The line moved through narrow metal-grilled chambers which made me feel like I was in prison waiting for my hindalium plate of food. After about 2 hours, we reached a point in the queue where there was a security guard who was letting in people in batches of about 100. "At last", I thought "Here I come Manjunathaaa!". But to my horror, I realized that this was not an entrance to the temple, but to another long crowded prison-chamber which led into another chamber.

And that's when I lost it. I asked the security guard to open the gate and stormed out of the queue after giving my wife a 'don't even think about it' look. (She gave me a "Its Okay, we'll talk later" look which was heartening). I refreshed myself with a couple of cold lemonades, went back to the van and cooled my heels waiting for everyone to come back.

After about an hour or so, I got a phone call, from my wife, and I was ordered back to the temple to join them for the free lunch.

Lunch at Dharmasthala temple is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

The whole thing gets over in less than 6 minutes. Whether you like it or not, whether you finish eating or not. Taste was okay, but it isn't a lot of fun when your trousers eat more than you do.

Moving on, we started towards 'Kaarkada', a small town near Udupi where we had planned to spend the night at a relative's place. Watched 'Mungaaru Male' on the way, which held up surprisingly well on second viewing. (I'd watched it at PVR last year, the only Kannada movie I have watched at a theater in the last 2 years. Just thought you'd like to know.) I realized that I can actually watch those songs any number of times without getting bored.

After a great dinner, I slept really well that night.

Next morning, we took an early morning walk around the open fields and the countryside. It was charming and gave me some really nice photo-ops.

After breakfast, which included homemade 'Tatte Idly' and Kesari Bhath, we headed out to see the temples at Saligrama and Anegudde. These 2 were by far the best & most peaceful of the lot. I actually enjoyed those visits.

(Saligrama Temple Premises)

On the way back from Anegudde, we stopped at a road side shop who is famous for making superb 'Mandakki Churmuri'. It is similar to 'Churmuri', but is made from a different type of rice flake. And they use Coconut Oil. All the ingredients come together like heaven and this is what you get.

Believe me, it tastes better than it looks!

So, after spending an astonishing 500 Rupees at that shop, we boarded the van for the jouney back home. We decided to take the Shimoga route thinking that it would be better for our stomachs, backs, etc. Bad Idea. It added an extra 2 hours to the journey.

The silver lining though was that we got to pass through 'Agumbe Ghats' which offered some fabulous views like this:

We stopped at Shimoga for Lunch (although eating at 5 PM is not necessarily called 'Lunch'). We went into a restaurant near the bus stand and waited for what seemed like an eternity before a waiter decided to stop by and place glasses of water in front of us. He disappeared quickly and we did not see him again. Losing patience, we asked the guy at the counter where the hell were all the waiters. He said "Neeru togond barakke hogavre" (Waiters have gone to fetch water).

With brains not working full time because of hunger, we obviously did not understand his response. We did not care either.

We told him that we've been waiting from over 20 mins and we need some service urgently.

For that, he pointed us to a notice signboard near his counter which read (and I kid you not):

"Urgent Service Not Provided".

(I tried to take a photograph of that signboard, but the guy hid it away!)

In the meantime, my wife, who had gone to see if the bathrooms were usable, came back running, looking like she had just seen Himesh Reshammiya without his wig.

Taking cue, we quickly exited the restaurant and got onto the bus, food be damned. After a couple of hours, we stopped at Tarikere and ate Masale Doses which tasted surprisingly good.

The rest of the journey was spent watching 'Rock On', another movie which I did not get bored watching the second time. I think it has one of the most uplifting and well-crafted climaxes in recent memory.

So there I was, at the end of the trip, uplifted and jovial. I was thinking about the amount of brownie points I had scored by going on this trip and calculating if that would be enough to last another 2 years, when my wife asked me "Great trip alwa? We should do this again sometime, right?"

I nodded with a smile. But there was a part of me that was genuinely nodding & smiling.

I guess Indians are indeed strange.

Spiritual Conquest, Karnatic Style: Part 1

2008-12-23T23:39:00.000-06:00

India is a unique country. Strange, but unique.

One one hand, young boys, as soon as they graduate to the exciting world of high-school, are made to sit so far away from girls in the classroom, you can't even make out if they've started wearing their elder sisters' perfumes yet. As much as a sideward glance towards those desks attract a 'yaako poli?' from lady teachers.

And on the other hand, at some of the the holiest of holy places, men are ordered to get half naked and encouraged to pile up in a queue with women where anything goes as long as you are chanting the holy lord's name.

Yes, I finally took the customary family trip to the famous temples in Karnataka and the thought above occurred to me when I was standing in a queue at 'Dharmasthala' wondering if the banian-clad gentleman behind me will ever ask his super-hygenic kids to stop bumping into my posterior every time the queue slowed down.

I'd avoided this trip for 2 solid years, but this time my wife pulled out all the stops ranging from threats of physical violence to the ever-reliable senti looks. And she used the 'brahmastra' in the end - 'If we go to the US again, we won't be able to do this for a long time' - for which I had no response. (See how I casually slipped in the fact that I'm going to the US again. Subtlety at its best I say)

My wife, for all her 21st-century-woman-of-style-and-substance image, is a pukka conservative brahmin girl at heart. So when I broke my arm into 2 pieces in February, she had promptly prayed to god and promised a visit from both of us to 'Anegudde Ganesha' in case I healed up well. (Known as 'harake' in Kannada)

Healed up I did, albeit with the help of a titanium rod to hold the bones together. So now I'm obligated to go wherever she decides to take me. In full enthu, she chalked up a plan with her parents, siblings and cousins which would make maximum use of our time. In short, it meant at least 5 temples in 5 different cities in little over 2 days.

You see, I am a brahmin guy in my 20s living in Bangalore, occasionally touring abroad. Which means:

a) I wear my 'janwaara' for strictly show & tell, i.e. showing elders when they ask me where it is and telling new acquaintances who I know are brahmins that I'm also one & not a shabby-joe even though I may appear like one.

b) My frequency of doing 'sandhyavandane' is at most once a year. (Mostly on 'Upakarma' day). And the frequency of doing 'parishanchane' before lunch depends on the number of weddings I attend where I'm seated next to/opposite of elderly people.

c) The only times I visit the Pooja Room in my house on non-festival days are when my wife or my mother ask my opinion on some new rangoli/light decoration they've tried.

d) I'm the one who controls the remote for the Music System during 'Ganesh Chaturti' pooja. (controls = fast forwards).

So, you can imagine my excitement as the day of the trip finally arrived. We had 12 people, including 2 kids packed in a minivan which seated exactly 12. Luggage was dumped behind and all around the last row. I was seated at, you guessed it, the last row.

Once inside the van, we realised that it had a working TV & DVD player. Ahh.. Hope.

We got 3 new hindi DVDs (A Wednesday, Dasvidaniya and Oye Lucky, Lucky Oye!) for company and started off towards the western ghats to our first destination: Kukke Subramanya.

Within the first 5 hours, we had finished off A Wednesday (which was really good) and Dasvidaniya (which was decent but a little too drawn out).

And after a quick dinner break (read chitranna & mosranna made by MIL, which was superb by the way), all the great minds in the van decided to start the third movie as well. I know, we are all about the future. No one actually watched Oye Lucky! fully, but everyone kept saying 'bad movie'. I myself dozed out a few times and couldn't watch it fully.

We finally reached the place by midnight and entered a lodge where we'd booked rooms. We were greeted by this:

"Before 10 barbeku saar", said the guy at the counter. After much haggling, he showed mercy and granted us two rooms on separate floors. "All men in one room and women in the other" announced my MIL. We followed. By 1 AM we had settled in our rooms.

I couldn't sleep at all. Must've been all those Hindi movies I watched at a stretch.

So I did the logical thing and ended up watching 'Main Hoon Na' on TV till about 2:30 in the morning.

Next morning, I woke up last and delayed everyone else which was highly appreciated by my wife. My requests for 'tiffin' were duly ignored and we headed to the temple.

(On the top left corner, you can catch a glimpse of Kumara Parvata, one of the tallest peaks in the region and a popular trekking attraction)

The temple was nice, but the devotees, not so much. It was not like there were 500 people crammed inside, but the 50 that were there created enough chaos for me to almost say 'screw it' and leave. But I stayed and went through the motions. Inside the temple, all men are required to remove their shirts and vests. So you get to see some memorable sights.

We were standing in a queue about to enter the main temple and suddenly the line which was moving at a leisurely pace started to look like an impromptu Sourav Ganguly press conference. For no apparent reason, people started pushing and shoving one another. I guess the lord is a little biased towards people who lean over the person in front of them to take a peek at him before entering the temple. Most of my time in this temple was spent covering my wife with my arms and my body the same way one protects his girlfriend on new year's night at Brigade Road.

After an hour of struggle around the different sections of the temple, we were finally out.

A quick breakfast and we were off to Dharmasthala, our second destination, but not before we picked up 2 more DVDs - Mungaaru Male and Rock On! for further entertainment purposes.

I clicked this on the way:

Not bad, eh.

More to come in the next part, including an episode I'd like to call "My escape from Dharmasthala".

(to be continued...)

Counter Shots at Lavanya Bar

2008-12-17T05:30:00.008-06:00

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this exotic concept (you unlucky souls) - please, allow me to explain:

Counter Shot (pronounced "counter shaat") is a popular socializing technique used by adult men across the length and breadth of this great country of ours.

In the simplest form of this technique, one parks his vehicle in front of the No Parking signboard outside the wine shop on his way home from work, enters the shop, asks for a '60' of Rum/Whiskey, mixes it with water (and in some rare cases, soda), drinks it in one or maximum two gulps, hands over the money to the shopkeeper, returns to the vehicle, spits on the footpath after a long gargle, and gets on his way home.

Sounds Dull? Cheap?

Heh! You could not be more wrong, my friend.

I was like you, pretending to be sophisticated, pretending to despise these places. But somewhere inside my shirt, my heart wanted to give them a 'shot'. So I went to two of the more alcohol appreciating buddies of mine at work and asked them to help me experience this bliss I'd heard so much about. They gladly obliged. (Their exact words were "Wokay maams, tell us when").

After referring to the latest 'panchaanga' to figure out when the raahu kaala ends, we decided that yesterday evening was the most auspicious time. The Place? Hmm.. this was tricky, since we'd all seen our share of dingy spots while commuting, but in the end the choice was unanimous. It was 'Lavanya Bar and Restaurant' in Audugodi.

Reasons:

a) This is one place we'd see every other day while coming to or going from office, and the fascination for it was just too much.

b) It was an enigmatic place. For the untrained eye it looked too classy to be a Counter Shot place. On close observation though, one could see the 'fast food' counter outside the bar sold 'chikan manchuri' whose spelling kinda gave away its classiness.

c) Look at the Name man!!

So, with some potato chips to appetize ourselves, we boarded an Auto and started our journey, during which my buddies gave me some valuable tips I'd never heard before, such as:

a) Never take a girl along for Counter Shots.

b) Don't drink it all in one gulp. ('you dont have that capacity yet magaa')

c) 'Let us order for you this time. There are a lot of fakes in circulation. You'll get conned.'

We finally reached the place. Before entering, we took one look at each other: Formal Shirt & Pant - Check, Formal Shoes - Check, Laptop Backpacks - Check, and finally, Company ID Card - Check.

Yes, we were all set indeed.

We entered the shop, struggled through the elite crowd to reach the counter and asked for the nostalgic favorite of many - 'Old Monk'. Much to our dissappointment, he said 'we dont stock Old Monk sir'. So we went for plan B - Smirnoff. Nobody looked up from their drink, people were just going about their business. Its not like properly dressed folks never come to places like this. Most of the IT hotshots buy their liquor in these shops and then drink at their classy parties or at their homes.

It was when we said 'parcel alla, ille guru' (to drink here only, not for parcel) that people suddenly looked up, starting from the guy behind the counter, who had a half-stunned expression on his face for about 5 seconds. We took the drinks, stood by the counter and started drinking.. slowly.

In about 5 minutes, we realised that this place is a little too classy than we imagined. There were tables around where he served omelets and we heard some guy speaking English inside the shop. (English??)

Our fears were vindicated when we asked for 'touchings'. (which is a piece of pickle kept on a small coaster for you to lick with your fingers in between your sips. And by the way, the licks are not exclusive to you alone). The guy said they don't keep touchings, but he'll give 'mixture' for 2 rupees. We took them anyway.

We mustered up the courage to order an omelet from the kitchen which looked like it was last cleaned for diwali. It was surprisingly good, although we suspected the oil used might be from 'Kannada Rajyotsava' days.

We tried to strike some interesting conversations with a couple of strangers, but they just minded their business. We asked the waiter (read: underage kid) to turn on the music, but he said they turn it on only for 'special ocassions'.

After 20 minutes, we gave up and walked out. We weren't really drunk. Not even properly buzzed to be honest. Just to keep the evening's spirit going, we smoked a 'King' outside for 5 minutes while we bitched about office politics.

Thus ended an interesting but uneventful evening at Lavanya Bar. By the end of it, we vowed to make the next one a more memorable affair. We've selected 'Famous Bar' near Woody's Jayanagar for it.

And when its over, you can be rest assured that you'll hear about it.

I know you're trembling with anticipation, dear reader.

Patience!

We've Won! We've Won!!

2008-12-15T04:24:00.006-06:00

What a match! What a win!!

Sachin, I bow to thee. I shall go ahead and eat my words now.

Take a bow Yuvi and Gambhir, nerves of steel you guys have.

But hats off to Virendar Sehwag. The man who set it all up. Incredible guy! One man destruction army. No team will ever declare with confidence against India!

My day is made! :)

(Picture courtesy: Getty Images)

Average Jodi

2008-12-13T00:11:00.009-06:00

Yea.. it was just an average movie. More on that later.

First, a few er.. 'interesting' events of last night.

Event 1: It was an 8:30 show. And we were late. For no apparent reason to be honest. We were home before 7 and just lazing around. Actually, me and my wife have an immaculate record of being late to almost every movie we go to. Its ingrained into our systems. Yep, we're the ones you curse for blocking your screen for 30 full seconds as we get to our seats.

Anyway, hoping to be the cursers instead of cursees this time, we skip our planned 'churmuri' and head to Inox Jayanagar, a full 15 mins before scheduled time.

Event 2: We're at the theater at 8:25 sharp. I'm standing in a line holding up my cellphone where I have the SMS confirmation of the booking. But the 2 guys at the counter are not noticing me. One Uncle ahead of me is leisurely enquiring for tickets for some crap movie, that too for a monday nite show. Valuable minutes are being lost... Ahh, finally, Uncle moves away disgruntled for not getting his favored back row middle seats. I swoop in and place my cellphone inside the little hole at the counter before the over-enthusiastic chap behind me could cut me off. Highly impressed with myself, I turn towards my wife with the 'Didya see what I did there baby' smirk. But she's looking elsewhere. Husbands never get their due I say.

Event 3: With great speed, we bypass popcorn counters and head directly to the hall. We could hear the 'Ghajini' trailer as we were about to enter. I let out a 'yess' and handed my tickets to the usher. "Seats K8 and K9", I said. He looked at them and said "Oh.. first row saar!" and handed the tickets back to me with a smile which I'm sure meant 'Loser'.

First Row.. damn. I am seriously pissed off with bookmyshow.com. You know what first row means right?

a) Neck Pain

b) Your neighbor can easily figure out which part of the heroine's anatomy you're looking at.

We're settling into our seats and I see a guy from my college sitting in the very next seat. He was with a girl too. We said our 'Hi's and exchanged a "we're on the first row" laughter.

Event 4: So the movie is running. Anushka (the film's heroine) is wearing tights and streching around. Gooood. Right at that moment my wife pokes me and says "Did you see that? She has flab too!" I'm like "whaa..?" without turning my head. 5 seconds later I find myself clutching my bicep due to the after effects of a 'onashunti' (sharp pinch). Yup, I wasn't looking at any flab. And she saw it.

5 mins later, she pokes me again and points me to that elusive flab in Anushka's body. (honestly, I had no idea what she was talking about. The babe looked 10/10 to me. But hey, that's just me).

I turn to her and give a smile. But alas, that innocent smile was mistaken for my 'look who's talking' smirk. 'onashunti' no 2.

(Honey, if you're reading this, I do not think you're fat. That's crazy talk. Who says you're fat? What are they smoking? Ummmwaaah.)

Event 5: Actually, it was an ongoing event throughout the film. There were these bunch of hindi speaking guys sitting behind us. One of them was an apparent target for the rest. So, for every emotional scene on screen, they harassed this guy with lines like "arrey yaar, tu please rona shuru mat kar de" or "control yaar". The best one was when the heroine appeared in tights "dekh, teri behen mast lag rahi he". It was juvenile, but hillarious. A throwback to the glorious days of yore for me atleast. And frankly, it was more entertaining than what was happening on screen at times.

Oh, the movie. Right. (spoilers ahead) (you see, this film's story was 'guarded' so secretly that I'm compelled to put a disclaimer)

Shahrukh is this nerd who marries this girl Anushka under trying circumstances. But she can't get herself to love him. So he transforms into a dude and feels her up. She falls for him, but is torn between her husband and her lover which leads to some seriously corny situations and a very predictable and tame ending.

It wasn't all bad though. The film started with a lot of promise. The opening credits were refreshingly realistic. The first 30 mins of the film were genuinely interesting. And there are bits and pieces of magic, mainly conjured up by SRK.

Actually, Its a mixed bag for Shahrukh. On one hand, he absolutely nails it as the nerd simpleton. Some fantastic acting there. You feel for him and root for him. But he overdoes it as the dude "Raj". The girl Anushka makes an impression too. She looks good in tights, better in salwars and has a great smile. Surprisingly for a debutante, she manages to hold her own in dramatic scenes. A brilliant actor like Vinay Pathak is wasted.

(By the way, did I just mention 'tights' like 5 times already? Believe me, I'm not 'tight' while writing this.)

Music is decent. 'Haule Haule' (and its wonderful harmonium prelude) is beautiful. 'Dance pe Chance' has a pretty ordinary tune, but Sunidhi and the dhols take it to another level.

(And Kajol makes a guest song appearance, for all of you who care. I definitely did. Its Kajol, man!!)

You know what the best part of the film is? The end credits.

No its not the age old sarcasm. The end credits are so simple and funny, they bring a smile on your face. So, if you do decide to watch 'Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi', cringe through the last hour and stick around till the end.

(Image Courtesy: www.yashrajfilms.com)

WFH

2008-12-09T06:32:00.003-06:00

Rejoice, my fellow Indians. Pakistan has finally taken 'firm' action against terrorism by doing this.

During a coffee break, one of my collegues saw this and remarked

"Oh, looks like he'll be working from home today."

Dose & Idly

2008-12-08T08:29:00.003-06:00

One of the true pleasures of living in Bangalore is the wide & varied availability of high class vegetarian food, which by extension maps to Dose and Idly.

You see, Being a pukka Kannada Brahmin, outside food was largely limited to dose and idly for a large part of my childhood. (and it was limited further due to my mother's insistence of eating only at places where they don't use excess garlic.. "adeshtu bellulli haakidano haaladovnu").

I guess that's why my first question at any new restaurant is usually "special dose yenenide?"

Having had my (and a few others') share of Doses (not "Dosas", you NRIs), I think the time is right for some information sharings, for the benefit of other dose eating public.

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, here's a list of my favorite dose & idly joints of Bangalore.

Dose:

Any dose is incomplete without the perfect chutney (or with excess garlic!), so that is one very important criterion.

1. SLV, near Ragigudda temple, Jayanagar: Has improved seriously in the last 2 years.. enough to beat others in the list actually. And they make the best Onion Dose.

2. CTR, Malleshwaram: Superb Benne Masale. Mangalooru Goli Bajji is another speciality.

3. Janatha Hotel, Malleshwaram: Unique chowltry style experience. Great Masale Dose.

4. Vidyarthi Bhavana, Gandhi Bazaar: Another Unique experience. Probably the softest dose of all.

5. Ganesh Darshan, Jayanagar 4th Block: Terrific Dose-Chutney combo.

Hon'ble Mentions:

** Halli Thindi: Basavangudi: Makes one-of-a-kind Ragi Dose and Bread Dose.

** Woody's, Jayanagar: Used to make superb Rave Masale and Mysore Masale Dose. Quality has definitely deteriorated of late.

** Kamath Lokaruchi, Bangalore-Mysore Highway: The best place to stop en route to Mysore. Very good doses.

Idly Vade:

With Idly too, Chutney and Sambaar are key. Keeping that in mind...

1. Veena Stores, Malleshwaram: Hands down, the best Idly & Vade in town.

2. SLV near Ragigudda temple: The Best Idly-Vade-Sambaar-Chutney combo in town.

3. Adigas, Jayanagar 4th Block: Good Idly. But the Rave Idly is just heavenly.

4. Janatha Hotel, Malleshwaram: God, what Vades! Super I say.

5. Udupi Krishna Bhavan, Koramangala: Used to serve superb idlis for lunch! (Haven't heard of it in more than 2 years though)

Hon'ble Mentions:

** An Unnamed shop on 'Food Street' in VV Puram: Super soft idlis. In fact, the whole street is awesome!

** Halli Thindi, Basavangudi: Great Idlis with unique chutney.

(Even though this is a Bangalore Only post, being a Mysorean I feel compelled to mention Mylari Restuarant in Kuvempunagar in Mysore. They make the best Dose and Coconut Chutney in this world! Do check it out.)

I'm hungry now. No, its not psychology.. I'm actually hungry. Okay, fine, don't believe it.

I think I'll convince my wife for a little dose excursion tonight.

(actually, she doesn't need a whole lot of convincing. *wink*)

(If I've missed out on any good places or if you disagree with my choices, feel free to drop in a word below)

The Great Indian Tragedy

2008-11-27T09:08:00.004-06:00

As I write this, there's a great debate going on on 'Times Now' where panelists Farooq Sheikh, Shefali Chaya and Suhel Seth (their combined enthusiasm is bordering on hostility) are sharing tremendous gyan on everything starting from the unpreparedness of the police to the cliched-to-death Spirit of Mumbai.

I don't want to tear into News channels two posts in a row because I honestly believe that some of the reporting in the last 2 days has been really commendable - One cameraman was shot at directly, the bullet barely missed him and hit the guy next to him flush on the chest, but he ducked down only for a second before getting up to get a shot of the fleeing car.

But the key word there is 'some'. Because the majority of the coverage of the events in Mumbai have been sensationalist first, informative next and sadly, responsible last.

How can you call it responsible reporting if every step of a serious Army operation is being reported live on television?

Breaking News: NSG moving into Trident Complex.

Breaking News: Army combing the 4th floor in the Taj.

Breaking News: Blasts on the 6th Floor... We're seeing some movement there. As you can see, Armed forces are moving up.. they are now on the 7th floor.

Breaking News: Snipers deployed in the building adjacent to Nariman house.

For a common man like me or you, what good can possibly come from knowing all these steps, apart from being able to watch a few minutes of cinema-esque drama? Do we need this to satiate our hunger for realism?

What about the loved ones of people trapped in these buildings, you say?

Well, if my loved one was trapped hostage by terrorists, the only time I'd watch News is when I need some emergency contact information.

On the other hand, all this could be momentary gold for certain men with SatPhones on the other side of the border.

I'm not prepared to believe for one second that the media houses are ignorant of this. Well, if it isn't ignorance, what is it then? Indifference? Or Blind Competitiveness?

How can these ultra-aggressive news anchors ask politicians for accountability when they themselves lack it?

Speaking of politicians, I was initially surprised to see BJP showing some class by not blaming everybody on earth for these attacks, but just providing quiet support. It was short-lived though. Advani blamed Intel failure as soon as he landed in Mumbai.

But he wasn't entirely wrong. Intel failure is often portrayed as the first culprit for any terrorist attack, but yet it keeps happening. The fact that 6-8 men came into Mumbai on a speed boat, each with a rucksack, and they didn't show up on anybody's radar is just staggering. Plain Staggering.

The use of a boat possibly means that these people came directly from outside the border. I just pray to god that that is not the case, because if it is, it shows our border security in an unimaginably poor light. And how on earth did they carry all those weapons into these buildings without anyone noticing?? 5 star hotels are supposed to have some decent security, right?

How can people sleep at night knowing there's a free entry for terrorists into pretty much any damn place they like?

To his credit, Farooq Sheikh did make one very good point about the unpreparedness of the police in this situation. Early morning footage (before the army took over the whole thing) showed ATS officers and Mumbai Police Officers preparing to enter the Taj Hotel. The thing that struck me and was so apparent to me (and I'm sure to anybody who watched it) was their attire. Some of the police officers were shown even without a bullet-proof vest.

I'm sorry, but is this how some of the bravest officers available are sent to tackle terrorists carrying automatic weapons? Who takes these calls? How come a common man like me is able to notice that and people calling the shots aren't? Did they underestimate the resistance of the terrorists? I just don't understand this. What's there to underestimate?

Highly motivated terrorists + Automatic Weapons + Lots of Ammunition + Grenades + So many Unknowns (no. of terrorists, hostages, locations) = Serious Situation, which needs Serious Co-ordinated Action. Shouldn't Serious begin with appropriate combat gear at least?

On the other hand, once the Army took over, we hardly heard of any casualties from their side.

These policemen died fighting terror, but they shouldn't have. Imagine how lethal they could've been with proper preparedness. You could've been talking to them as you praise them, instead of showing file photos of them. Sad Sad day indeed.

And what's with this obsession that the News Channels (all of them) have with the Number of Deaths? They ask this question to every single person they interview. Every channel shows a different number and it keeps changing every 5 minutes. There seems to be some sort of disturbing competition among them to report the highest number, fastest.

Again, I beg to know, what's the use? How will it make a difference to the people watching if you say 100 died or 110 died if you do not disclose the correct identities of the deceased? Somebody please explain this to me.

Most of the times, these numbers don't hold up for more than 5-10 minutes. Sample this: One channel reported last night that more than 900 were injured. I woke up this morning and the number was down to 290.

This is just some sick sensationalist obsession. Again, no one is accountable.

I'd written after the Bangalore blasts that there is no end in sight for terrorism in India, and I have no option but to repeat myself. A former chief of RAW told a news channel that 'Terrorism is something that no one can ever stop, because of the very nature of Terrorism'.

I found that quite interesting, although his point could be argued against with the example of US and UK who have practically eliminated terror threats to their countries since the last major attack.

But then again, they don't have the haven of radical Islam as their neighbor.

The Mumbai terror attacks have just hammered home the by now established fact for Modern Indians:

No one is safe.

Headlines Today(?)

2008-11-22T10:39:00.000-06:00

Okay. I can still believe it if Rakhi Sawant's outburst on some poor soul who refused to appear on her chat show (aptly titled 'The Rakhi Sawant Showz') becomes headline of the day.

Heck. I can even digest day long headlines about the Bachchan Family (& Amar Singh) visiting a temple in Arunachal Pradesh.

But what's beyond me is a prime time headline saying 'Are Indians Porn Prone?' and a discussion with 'experts' about the porn watching habits of Indians, accompanied by statistics from some very reliable surveys which included questions like:

* How old were you when you watched your first porn film?

* Have you made a home pornographic video?

For the second question, 91% said "No". And the funniest thing was that they were highlighting the other 9% in bold and discussing those 'modern people'.

Finally, something rewarding to watch after a long day's work.

Dostana

2008-11-17T03:49:00.003-06:00

Geeez!

Look, I never went to this movie expecting a sensitive portrayal of homosexuality. Neither did I have any expectations of a comedy in the class of Judd Apatow movies. What I thought this would be was a decently funny urban film on the lines of Kal Ho Naa Ho.

Nope. Not even close.

This movie is just Lame.

It starts off with an interesting premise of 2 guys pretending to be gay to get a cool pad by the beach in Miami. But nothing really happens in the film! Just one gay joke after another. And God alone knows why Bobby Deol is in the movie. He looks badly out of place.

If it wasn't for Priyanka Chopra (who is so hot, she's almost worth the price of admission!) and the soundtrack (which is rocking, by the way), I'd have been thoroughly disappointed with the movie.

As it stands, I'm just disappointed.

Y'Know what... I don't even want to write a longer post for this film. It would mean giving too much importance to a non-existent story.

Sourav Ganguly

2008-11-11T01:16:00.002-06:00

Drama and Sourav Gangluy always went hand in hand.

In that sense, it was fitting that he got out for a duck in his final innings. It had to be a duck or a century, for anything in between would've been just ordinary.

I'll always remember 'Dada' as the most aggressive captain India had. It was he, without a doubt, who changed Indian cricket as a whole. Not Kapil, Not Tendulkar, but Sourav Ganguly.

He backed matchwinners to the hilt (yuvraj, harbhajan, sehwag), who've repaid Indian cricket with some memorables wins. More importantly, he infused steel and grit in a team which was typically dazzling but complacent, flamboyant but inconsistent. Its not surprising that he's the winningest captain of India (yet).

His on field aggression wasn't always the in-your-face type. The best example was the first test in Brisbane in the 03-04 series, where he hit a superb, counter-attacking 144 (one of his finest hundreds) to set an example for his teammates. India drew the series 1-1, but came damn close to winning it in Sydney (where another message was sent to the Aussies when India declared immedietly after Brett Lee, their premier strike bowler, got hit for 200).

The thing that struck me there was that Gangluly looked dissappointed with a 1-1 result. He wanted to win the series. Badly. When was the last time an Indian captain didn't gloat about drawing an away series against the best team in the world?

Initially, I looked at Ganguly as a superb batsman (albeit some 'short'comings) and an above average captain. But all that changed on 13 July 2002. It was the Natwest Trophy finals and England had racked up 325.

Out came Gangluy, smashed 50 off less than 35 balls, got India off to a flyer, dispatching Flintoff repeatedly over cover along the way. India lost their way once he got out and were choking as usual when Yuvraj and Kaif pulled off the win memorably. It was then that I witnessed something remarkable. On the famous Lord's Balcony was Ganguly, pumped up beyond imagination, taking off his shirt and swirling it while uttering F-Bombs. It was a stunning sight. It was the first time I'd seen that kind of intensity from an Indian Cricketer. It changed my entire perception of him, both as a player and as a captain.

It is a bit of an irony that the man who was once called "God of all things off side" will be best remembered for his leadership than batsmanship. But the fact is that Ganguly was always a couple of rungs below Tendulkar and Dravid in terms of pure batting skills. He was a great ODI opening batsman who could pace an innings superbly. In tests though, he was inconsistent and that's why he's at 7000 odd runs while his peers have crossed 10000.

When Ganguly was dropped in early 2006 due to woeful form, I felt a tinge of sadness, even though the overwhelming emotion at the time was hate. Hate, because of his extended run of awful form. Hate, because of the way the media portrayed him during the Chappell fiasco.

But there was definitely sadness too. I did not want my last memory of such a great player to be one of a coward running away from a test match for the fear of bouncers (as it was alleged). I did not want that painful century against Zimbabwe to be his last remembered century.

And I'm sure there were thousands others who felt the same way.

Which is why his comeback brought so much joy and buzz. It was the stuff of fairytales, capped off with the super double hundred at Bangalore against Pakistan.

And now he goes away. Was it too early? I certainly thought he could play till 09. But it was the right decision in the sense that he got to leave on his terms. On a high. With a series win against the Aussies.

And Sourav, you absolutely deserved to leave on a high. In fact, in a strange way, so did we all.

(Image Courtesy: AFP)

Anil Kumble

2008-11-03T04:38:00.004-06:00

And he walks away.

Thousands of tributes have poured in for the man fondly called "Jumbo" by his teammates, so I'll keep this one short.

There are 3 distinct memories I have of Anil:

1. During the mid to late 90s period, when India played at home and lost the toss, almost every time Kumble would start warming up as soon as India took the field. He would invariably end up bowling within the first 8-10 overs, sometimes even earlier. He was our only hope.

2. During this year's infamous Sydney Test, the Indian team got wronged so many times in so many different ways that one would've forgiven Kumble if he'd lost his cool at the end. And he almost did. You could see it in his eyes and his voice. But the way he maintained his composure while suggesting only that Austraila were not playing in the spirit of the game not only gained him worldwide appreciation, but also gave his team the moral high ground, which they used superbly to win the next match in Perth. (One of the more memorable Indian Wins). Shouldn't that be "Captaincy 101" or something?

3. The Antigua run-fest in 2002. If not for Kumble's heroics, I'm sure nobody would even remember this match. (Well.. except maybe Ajay Ratra's fans [are there any?]). I was almost drifting into sleep when I saw Kumble come out to bowl with a heavily strapped face covering a broken jaw. I had not seen anything like it in my life. He bowled 14 straight overs, made the ball talk and scalped Lara's wicket. He boarded a flight home that night and didn't play for months.

I'm sure Kumble would've liked to play out the year. Or the Australia series at least. You could see it on his face. He wanted to beat the Aussies one last time. He also wanted to take India to the top spot in world rankings. But it wasn't to be.

The eyes still had steel in them, but the legs didn't. Deliveries still carried intensity, but not the bite.

He did the right thing in the end. In spite of being a long time Kumble fan, I felt at the beginning of this week that his time was almost up. And you've got to give him credit for catching the pulse of things at the right moment, you know, for 'getting it'.

Young spinners in India have a huge gap to fill now. They would do well to remember those eyes. The way they stayed on target the whole day, every day, for 18 years.

(Image Courtesy: Getty Images, Cricinfo)

Pink Flaaydaa.. yaar saar?

2008-10-24T08:35:00.007-05:00

Inspired by the romance that rain brings with it sometimes, I ventured outside (once the rain stopped, of course) to get some pastries for the missus.
'What better than her beloved chocolate fantasy to earn some much needed brownie points?' I thought, and headed towards our old addaa: Cafe Coffee Day at 4th T block.
So I entered the place and ordered 2 portions of the pastry 'to go' (trying to show off some america-returnness), and quickly corrected myself to say 'parcel'.
Precisely around that time, I heard a disco tune playing in the background which seemed vaguely familiar. I could say the words, but something didn't fit in. After about 30 more seconds, I realized to my utter disbelief:

It was Another Brick in the Wall.

Pink Floyd.
Disco.
Are you kidding me?

You know, I have seen and heard weird stuff before in my life, but come on, Seriously?
I went up to the counter again and asked the guy taking orders (whose mustache was so big it was quite disproportionate to his lean, short build. I shall refer to him as Mushy) what was going on:

Me: Ree, Iden song idu?
Mushy: (confused look) aaa?
Me: Idenree, ee song du kharaab remix play madtidiralla?
Mushy: Songaa? yenaytu saar?
Me: Idu Pink Floyd kanri. Hale Rock songu idu.
Mushy: Pink Flaaydaa? Yen saar adu?
Me: (Under My breath): Nan Pinda. (Out loud): Alla guru.. hale famous rock songgalna ee thara horrible remix madiro CD na yaak haaktira? Original hakdre jana innu enjoy madtare.
Mushy: (with a look that clearly said 'yaakanna praana hindtidya?'): Saar, illi barorella fast songs irbeku, beats irbeku anta keltane irtare.. adakke bari remix CDgale ittidivi eega.

At this point, I turn and look around to see about 15-20 people in the cafe. Not one looked over 20 to me.

Generationext anyone?

(You know what I'm really interested in? Who's the genius who actually decided to remix Floyd in the first place? I mean, isn't that an actual jailable offence?
Well, it should be.)

Death Magnetic: Metallica

2008-09-12T05:42:00.008-05:00

Is it good?
Yes.

Is it great?
Maybe. Dunno Yet.

Most importantly, does it make you headbang and air-guitar frantically, further fuelling your co-workers' fears over your sanity?
Hell Yeah!

The Metal Gods have descended on planet earth again. Wait.. make that 'thundered' on planet earth again. And this time, its not Pop/Rock mediocre mixture (The Loads) or self destructive, incoherent noise (St. Anger), but hard-core Metallica, the stuff that made them Metallica.. stuff which will have you youtubing for live versions of 'Master of Puppets' coz you just had to see that again.

Metallica's decline has been well documented. There were fears that the band was gonna self destruct post 'St. Anger', their last excuse for an album. Hetfield was in and out of Rehab. Therapists were hired. Managers were fired. Not exactly the kind of stuff a fan wants to hear.

What a fan wants to hear is 'Death Magnetic'.

Its a return to where it all started for Metallica: no-holds-barred thrash with signature riffs, high speed guitaring, tempo changes and grim lyrics.
Two minutes into the first track and I was smiling. This was familiar territory, and that's not a bad thing if you like Metallica.

The album clocks an astonishing 74+ minutes for just 10 tracks. Most of the songs are more than 7 minutes long. Its almost as if the band is demanding your undivided attention.
The shortest one is the frentic final track "My Apocalypse" and the longest: "Suicide and Redemption", a smashing 10 minute instrumental.

Its too early to pick favorites (I've only given it 4-5 hearings), but for now I'm split between 'The Day that Never Comes' and 'The Judas Kiss', with the former being a sure bet to become not only a chart topper, but also a Guitar Hero favorite because of its killer tempo changes and manical guitaring.
Speaking of which, I've actually been dreaming of rocking this album out on Guitar Hero. (I'm not just saying it, I had dreams of it 2 nights in a row!)

Go ahead, fellow Metal Heads. Rock yourself out!

(Update: Oct 20: Okay.. Suicide & Redemption rocks. It just Rocks!!)