Bad News

2008-10-24T09:46:00.000-07:00

I thought I was Beyonce's biggest fan. This video proves me wrong.

2008-09-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

Got back from Miranda's last night at 1 AM. Didn't think I'd feel like working, so I requested the day off. I basically did nothing except slightly clean my apartment, listen to the new TV on the Radio album, and take care of some grays (thanks, Wyatt).

Jenny Lewis was amazing. I know I said "Best concert ever" on Friday, but I might have to take it back. It was a great show, don't get me wrong, but her voice was stronger in Columbia last year. And I think they played for longer back then, too.

I took some videos, but no pictures. I might upload the videos later, but probably not.

And kudos to Jenny Lewis for getting me to set foot in a church.

BTW what is it with gays and v-neck shirts? I saw like a zillion of them in Chicago. I don't get it.

Speaking of shirts, I couldn't believe my eyes on the train last night. Someone was wearing a shirt with what LOOKED like the Budweiser logo on it, but if you gave it a second glance, you'd notice it said "St. Louis" instead of "Budweiser," and under that, it said "King of Queers"

On the back....well, I'll just let you take a look at this picture I found today. I'd rather not type it out again....

(Side note: When I googled the phrase, I found a thread on Yahoo Answers that asked, "Where can I find a shirt that says 'Cardinals take it in their Pujols?'" Someone responded, "At a redneck convention, perhaps?" And it wasn't me, I promise!)

I asked Dave, "Are you more offended as a St. Louisan, or as a gay man?"

His response: "I'm offended as a Budweiser fan."

There's no snake oil cure for unlucky in love

2008-09-11T07:33:00.001-07:00

I found a link to the new Jenny Lewis album Acid Tongue and thought I would share it with you all. I listened to it on myspace the other night and fell in love. Of course, she could sing the phone book and I'd still put it on non-stop repeat.

I recommend downloading the new album to everyone, with the exception of Matt, who still can't forgive Jenny Lewis for stealing Rose Nylund's beloved teddy bear all those years ago.

Jenny Lewis - Acid Tongue

Bonus: I found an mp3 of the new Christina Aguilera track "Keeps Gettin' Better," and yeah, it sounds like Goldfrapp, but that's not such a horrible thing. Plus..."superbitch."

Christina Aguilera - "Keeps Gettin' Better"

2008-09-08T05:30:00.000-07:00

Hilarious!

2008-08-29T22:08:00.000-07:00

Still on the fence about Solange?

Well, check out this clip of an interview, and then we'll talk.

Yeah. What a bitch. I still don't even know what really happened, but I'm done with her.

If that video left a bad taste in your mouth, check this one out.

It's a bunch of seventh graders performing "1234" by Feist, choreography and everything! Adorable!

Kinda puts our rendition of "Boot Scootin' Boogie" to shame, don't you think?

End of Summer '08 Mix

2008-08-16T10:42:00.000-07:00

One of you made a comment about missing my Top Songs of the Year mix, and it's true...I had started one at the end of 2007, I had the songs all picked out and everything, but I was in transition and for whatever reason did not follow through with it.

But to make up for it, I made a fun End of Summer '08 mix. Yes, it's a rar file, and yes, you have to download it and burn it to a CD and listen to it in your car on the way to the winery, lake, dog park, bingo casino....whatever it is that you do in the summertime. Me, I like to sun my sexy, shiny legs.

DOWNLOAD JOE'S END OF SUMMER '08 MIX!!

I don't know what order these songs will be in when you open it, but this is the order I see them in when I open winRAR:

1. "Black and Gold" - Sam Sparro

I don't know much about this dude. I think he's foreign and gay. What else do you need? I will give you this, though: my niece knows this song from her dance class, and that's awesome.

2. "Dry Town" - Miranda Lambert

Sure, it's a country song, but that's no reason for you to skip past it to get to Solange. It's so cute -- she's stuck in some random town and can't find any Miller Lite. I can really relate to this tune because the only liquor store in the CWE is STILL boarded up, even though they promised to be open in May '08.

3. "I Decided" - Solange

I alternate between rooting for Solange and despising her. She's going to be compared to her big sis Beyonce until the end of time, and that's gotta suck. But then she makes horrible videos and names her album Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams.

I take it back -- her videos aren't horrible. It's just that there's so much going on in them that it's hard to take it all in.

See? That's a lot of look.

4. "I Know UR Girlfriend Hates Me" - Annie

I'm not sure if it's really spelled "UR" but that's how it's tagged in this mp3. Cute song, even if I think a 35-year-old woman should be concerned with more important things.

5. "Lights Out" - Santogold

You might know this song from the Bud Light Lime commercials, but that's not why I love it. I love it because it's smooth and refreshing, laid-back, and perfect for a warm summer day. Please listen responsibly.

6. "Oh My God" - Mark Ronson feat. Lily Allen

I wanted to show Mark Ronson some love after catching his photo spread in that weird (sort of) magazine that usually comes packaged with the New Yorker, and comes out around the same time as that special on CBS where Fergie inevitably warbles through some lame number while wearing a tiny teddy or something. Fashion Rocks, maybe?

Anyway, he looked hot.

7. "Oxford Comma" - Vampire Weekend

Alan: "I only need a few hours of sleep during the week. I stay up until three and get up at eight. Then I catch up on Saturday and Sunday."

Me: "I'm the opposite. I like to get a lot of sleep during the week, and then get crazy on the weekends and stay up all night and sleep all day. I'm like a vampire, but only on weekends. Oh my god!"

8. "Paper Planes (original version)" - M.I.A.

Here's how I envision it:

M.I.A. writes a song. She includes the lyric "All I wanna do is zoom zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom." Teddy Riley of Wreckx-n-Effect denies her request to use it, because, hello, she's a crazy blue-wig wearing rapper who may or may not have terrorist connections. She replaces the line with gunshot sounds, making the song about nine zillion times more awesome.

A year later, the song is in the top ten of Billboard's Hot 100 (seriously!).

Don't feel bad for Teddy Riley, though. He's probably still living off of the money he made from Guy.

9. "Pot Kettle Black" - Tilly and the Wall

Definitely my favorite band that uses tap-dancing as percussion.

10. "Singer Songwriter" - Okkervil River

I haven't even stopped loving the Okkervil River album that came out last year, but this new one is just as good. I love this song the most. It basically says, "Yeah, we can all agree that you have amazing taste. You like the best movies and music and art, etc., but that's all you have going for you. And everyone thinks you're a snob about it."

At least that's what I get from it.

11. "Souled Out!!!" - Conor Oberst

I have three words for you: shirtless Conor Oberst. He's no Jason Bateman, but he has been on my list of celebrities I'd like to see shirtless.

12. "That's Not My Name" - The Ting Tings

I probably couldn't tell you exactly why I love this song so much. And truthfully, it should be about two minutes shorter than it actually is. But it's sassy, and brassy, and bold.

13. "Erase/Rewind" (Kleerup Remix) - The Cardigans

Fact #1: I've loved The Cardigans for more than a decade.

Fact #2: Robyn worked with this Kleerup dude on "With Every Heartbeat," probably one of my favorite songs of all time.

I was pretty excited to learn about this remix, which was included on the recent "best of" album. It didn't really blow me away, but it's cute, and the Cardigans can do no wrong, in my book.

14. "This is Not a Test" - She & Him

OMG She & Him are so adorable. I love the album, the video, I love everything about them. My other niece wasn't too keen on this song, but she changed her mind when I told her that the singer was in Elf.

15. "Two Halves" - My Morning Jacket

The only song in this mix that I wouldn't describe as "cute," "Two Halves" sums up perfectly how I feel about the gray hairs that are suddenly appearing all over my head. Wyatt said it best: "He's getting old!"

Here's another link to download if you haven't already!

End of Summer Mix

2008-08-11T19:18:00.000-07:00

Check out my adorable nephew Dylan singing "Bleeding Love." I'm not sure why it's so quiet, but trust me, it's worth it.

2008-07-28T20:37:00.000-07:00

Before I forget...

If you Google "How I Became a Tranny," my blog is the second hit.

Also, who has seen this picture of Jack McBrayer from this months GQ? I still can't get over it.

Best picture ever. I'm going to cut it out, fold it up, put it in a rusty Sucrets tin, and store it in a hat box that looks old, but it's new and you bought it at TJ Maxx.

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I bought Rock Band, and if I had to pick a band that most resembles our style, I'd go with Imperial Teen, since we switch instruments a zillion times during our set. Well, that and the whole gay thing.

We should feel sorry for Dave and Alan, who have to watch me play guitar and sing lead at the same time on Radiohead's "Creep" at least once a night. It's a real mess. They'll be using footage of it at my intervention real soon, I'm sure.

Speaking of questionable drunken behavior, we drove up to Milwaukee this weekend to spend some quality time with Kari, Stacey, and Baron. Good times. Kari took us to the hottest club in creation, and I'm talking temperature-wise, not necessarily about the quality of people in the establishment...although they weren't nothin' to sneeze at. Anyway, by the end of our marathon dance session, I was completely soaked.

And what is this thing I do where I get drunk and take off my clothes? It's a new item in my repertoire, and one that will be ending shortly. (I was recently black-mailed). I would like to take this time to apologize to the woman in Kari's apartment building who chose the absolute worst time to come home Saturday night.

Finally, we've come to the Danity Kane portion of the evening. I don't know how it happened, but I have to listen to them every day and it's a little unsettling.

See for yourself.

pics:

Cute!

2008-07-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

It's Feist on Sesame Street!

2008-07-08T14:02:00.000-07:00

Something sad happened today.

I saw it coming for a while now, but it still kinda startled me.

I used up all the free space on my iPod.

In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have bought that episode of The Sarah Silverman Program, but it's my favorite ever, and it was on sale for 99 cents.

I decided to clear out some albums that I just don't listen to. Some choices were easy (so long, Sufjan and the Supremes!), but some took a little bit of soul-searching (what if I decide to like the Walkmen again?).

But I did find a rar file of the new Mamma Mia soundtrack, and let's face it, people, I'm gonna put that on my iPod.

"Mamma Mia!" - Meryl Streep

2008-06-26T13:32:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since my last post. To make up for it, here's a cute video from yesterday starring Wyatt.

Free Music!!

2008-06-19T16:32:00.000-07:00

First things first, here's some MMJ . . . in fact, I think I'll go with Karen's recommendation for "I'm Amazed."

My Morning Jacket - "I'm Amazed"

and maybe some "traditional" MMJ . . .

My Morning Jacket - "One Big Holiday"

I forgot to mention Estelle's "American Boy" when discussing vacation music the other day, so here's a bonus track . . .

Estelle - "American Boy"

It also occurred to me that some of you might not have these awesome Robyn b-sides . . . Actually, this first one might not be a b-side. I have no idea where it comes from, but it's one of my all-time favorites.

Robyn - "This One's For You"

This was on some UK-only single --

Robyn - "Message in a Bottle" (Police cover)

Finally, here's what I mean when I call Fergie "PeePants McGee"

Can You Stay Up to See the Dawn?

2008-06-15T15:45:00.001-07:00

I've never denied the fact that I'm a Radio Nazi. I annoy friends and co-workers alike with my multiple playlists.

If I'm forced to work a weekend, I retaliate by playing my iPod in the pharmacy non-stop.

One co-worker -- let's call her Sherry Ann -- has no problem voicing her opinions about the artists that appear on my "Work" playlist. She hates ANYTHING affiliated with the rap genre, and LCD Soundsystem gives her a headache.

"It sounds like a CD is skipping," she told me. Plus, his songs are all like nine minutes long and it drives her nuts.

Her least favorite artist, hands down, is M.I.A. At first I assumed it was a generation gap thing, since she's in her fifties, but yesterday the 18-year old kid heard "Sunshowers" and asked, "What the hell is this music???"

Sherry Ann was also shocked to hear that I don't like kd lang, since she knows how much I enjoy "sultry ladies." (I played Feist for months on end last year -- I was obsessed.)

She thinks Radiohead and Arcade Fire are moody, but she enjoys In Rainbows. She pointed out today the similarities between the final notes of "Nude" and the part in The Little Mermaid when Ariel is giving her voice to the sea hag.

The minivan we rented in Florida had an auxillary jack for an iPod, much to my delight and to the chagrin of the other Fruity Splashers. Here's a list of songs that we probably never want to hear again (which is partly my fault, partly the fault of one 103.9 FM)

1. "Damaged" - Danity Kane

Do, do you got a first aid kit, tranny?

2. "Touch My Body" - Mariah Carey

Not even the thought of Kenneth in a tank top can help me get through this song.

3. "Take a Bow" - Rihanna

Are we done with songs about no-good ex-boyfriends yet? Yeah? Can someone tell Rihanna this?

4. "No Air" - Jordin Sparks

The songs asks repeatedly, "How am I supposed to breathe with no air?" Then Ms. Sparks says:

But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

Really? You don't care? Then why should we? Quit asking us how you're supposed to breathe with no air!! Also, growing gills would probably help you when you're "out here in the water so deep."

There are a few songs that I'll always associate with our trip to Florida that I'm NOT completely sick of yet, and I've included links to download.

1. "Click, Flash" - Ciara

2. "All Dressed in Love" - Jennifer Hudson

3. "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa" - Vampire Weekend

Also, I've been trying to get the gays to like My Morning Jacket, but it's not going so well. Feist was a much easier sell, what with the colorful video and the snazzy choreography and all.

My Summer Gaycation (or, How I Became a Fruity Splasher)

2008-06-12T06:33:00.000-07:00

First off, the amazing house we stayed in for five days? Here's how I can best describe it ...

Remember The Real World, how every season started off with the new housemates scrambling through the hallways, asking each other, "We get to live here?!" That's what it was like. And yes, I talk about The Real World like it's no longer being made, but that's because I stopped watching after the Chicago season. That doesn't mean I still don't think about how I would come across on TV if I were picked to be on the show, but I digress...

The seemingly never-ending supply of beer and various frozen drinks was also like something from The Real World. Oh, and glass bottles weren't allowed in the pool or hot tub, so I gladly poured my Bud Light Limes into frosty mugs, thinking, "This way they won't have to blur out the logos when the shows air."

The morning after one particular Ruthie-style night of binge drinking, we headed to IHOP. (My repeated requests to eat at a Golden Corral went mostly ignored). Our table was quite close to the waitress station and the kitchen, so we heard everything.

1. One waitress asked another waitress, "Are you pregnant!?"
2. Two cooks flipped a coin to decide who was the father.
3. A customer told the cook that if his egg whites were runny, he was going to throw them in his face.
4. Cook held up a giant knife and said, "Not a good idea. I've got plenty of these back here."

That's when we decided that the time has come for a new reality show. Cameras would follow the lives of these cheeky IHOP employees, capturing all the wacky hijinks that ensue. Oh, I forgot to mention that our cute waitress was married to the knife-wielding short order cook. But don't worry, we plan on sending in a new, hot manager to shake things up.

At first, I thought the title of our show should be something about breaking eggs to make omelets, but that's too wordy. How about Flapjack'd?

On the way out, we noticed a sign for a new drink called Fruity Splashers. Our gang needed a name. We're gay, and we swam a lot, so I thought it fit. The story of our initiation into the gang will come at a later date. Maybe.

Probably not.

The hot tub

Shopping trip

Pancake face man

Dreamsicle

The Margarator

**more pics to come later, I'm still waiting on Alan to burn me a cd.

For Karen...

2008-05-26T20:50:00.000-07:00

...who wanted a new post. Does anyone else think my nephew looks like Kenneth the Page?

Big Ideas (Don't Get Any)

2008-05-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

After some thought (and the deletion of exactly one post), I decided to "allow everybody" to view this blog again. I'm sure the same 12 people will still be reading, with the occasional reader stopping by every now and then because he/she googled "Jason Bateman shirtless."

Today is May 17. It's been exactly six months since "the break-up" and I'm quite tired of re-examining what went wrong and what could've been done differently. Dave and Alan are also probably happy that I decided a few weeks ago that today will be the day I stop talking about the whole thing.

(One other thing...I only know today is exactly six months since the break-up because it took place on our anniversary).

And while six months is exactly half the time Charlotte York would take to mourn that relationship, it feels like a perfectly acceptable amount of time for me.

And speaking of Charlotte, in anticipation of the arrival of the newest EW featuring SATC on the cover, here's a little gem I found from the soundtrack. It's a new song by Fergie called "Labels or Love."

It's atrocious. I think Alan's first words upon hearing the tune were, "Dear God." And he's an atheist! But it's Fergie, so that means I'll hate it the first five or six times I listen to it, but come June it'll be on my Top 25 Most Played list.

She doesn't sing-spell anything this time, but there are made-up words. "Califragi-sexy" is one of them, and I have no idea what it means. Until I see the movie, I'm going to pretend it's the name of Charlotte and Harry's adopted Chinese daughter.

Fergie - "Labels or Love"
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Has everyone seen how adorable Angela's baby is? She just turned 1 last week.

Here's a pic of me and my girl Lizzie at the Cards game.

And my new favorite beer...

And while I don't have pics or videos of my own from the Radiohead concert, please just take my word that it was the best concert ever. Usually I get tired of standing at shows and end up thinking, "Please, no encore." But OMG, Radiohead wouldn't. Stop. Playing! And I loved it.

Radiohead Setlist 5/14/08 - St. Louis, MO

Set 1: All I Need, Jigsaw Falling Into Place, Airbag, 15 Step, Nude, Kid A, Weird Fishes/Arpeggi, The Gloaming, You and Whose Army?, Idioteque, Faust Arp, Videotape, Everything in Its Right Place, Reckoner, Optimistic, Bangers ++ Mash, Bodysnatchers

Encore 1: Exit Music (for a film), Myxomatosis, My Iron Lung, There There, Fake Plastic Trees

Encore 2: Pyramid Song, House of Cards, Paranoid Android

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P.S. To the guy or girl that keeps googling "Jason Bateman shirtless" -- give it up. It's never gonna happen.

2008-05-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered that not even rain will stop me from drinking beer outdoors.

Saturday night, we attended the Beer Festival in Forest Park. To say it was muddy is a giant understatement.

Last night, I went to the Cardinals game against the Pirates? I'm pretty sure that's who we played. Their uniforms were HTM's.

Tonight is the Radiohead show, and while it's cloudy out now, I'm hoping for a dry evening for once.

Here's a stupid Radiohead remix that I did for that contest they had last month. I didn't do anything to the song except speed it up and add a little vocals at the beginning. I call it "Nude (in 2 minutes)," which is a better idea than my instrumental version that I was going to call "(Never) Nude."

Radiohead - "Nude"

And I promised The Gays I would put up the new awesome Weezer song.

Weezer - "Troublemaker"

2008-05-02T12:45:00.000-07:00

I had lunch at the Boathouse yesterday, and it reminded me of Puppy Party 2007. That was like the perfect day.

I keep having Rigby dreams lately, which are better than other dreams I could be having, I suppose.

And because I can't stop talking about Robyn, here's the song she did last night on David Letterman.

Robyn - "Cobrastyle"

2008-04-22T21:35:00.000-07:00

This one is for Val. It's our favorite news blooper.

Music Roundup

2008-04-20T21:24:00.000-07:00

Picture it: St. Louis. 2005.

I download some songs by Robyn. Isn't she that blonde girl from Sweden with the hit "Show Me Love?"

Yes, it is.

But her newest album was awesome. I was obsessed.

Now it's 2008, and it's FINALLY being released in the U.S.

There's no reason I should be excited. Except...

A: There's all this new press. Rolling Stone, Details, Blender, etc.

B: They show her videos in gay bars!

With Every Heartbeat
Be Mine

And in other music news that no one could be excited about except for me....

The Pipettes kicked out two members!

Goodbye, two members of The Pipettes! I think I'll miss you most of all, Pipette that looks like Judy Greer!

And finally, Lily Allen released two new demos. This is for Alan, Mr. "What do you mean no one can rip her two new songs from myspace?"

I Don't Know
I Could Say

Nobody Gets Outta Here Without Singing the Blues

2008-04-17T15:42:00.000-07:00

OMG, y'all!

It was announced today that they're remaking Teen Witch starring somebody called Ashley Tisdale.

Just kidding, I know who she is. She's the blonde bitch from High School Musical who got a nose job, right?

This is horrible news. There's no way they'll be able to re-create the creepiness of the little brother.

I shouldn't be too worried though. After all, production on the updated Adventures in Babysitting (starring Raven Symone) was stopped because I wished so hard for it.

2008-04-17T07:04:00.000-07:00

Soooo many pictures of Alan's birthday party are rolling in. I've condensed them into a handy collage, thanks to Picasa.

And here is a new short film I've made about the perils of addiction. Brace yourselves, folks, it's pretty heavy stuff. I call it "Where's My Original?"

And here are a couple mixtapes, courtesy of Jimmy and Kari.
(And not Karen because she can't upload to the site...but I've seen the tracklist and it would be awesome.)

Here's my new one.

I'm rekindling my love affair with Gilmore Girls today. You know who's making it hard for me, though? That red-haired bitch that wants to raise hemlines on the school uniforms. She annoys me with every line reading.

2008-04-13T11:07:00.000-07:00

To all my Feist friends, here's the Let It Die album I was talking about. Click here, please.

She was so adorable last night at the Pageant. The show kinda sagged in the middle when she played the slowest song ever followed by a cover and a new, unreleased song. It was like sonic Ambien. But she was adorable and kooky and they used an overhead projector to doodle along to the songs.

Yes, I know how bad the camera on my cell phone sucks.

I'm also sorry to report that the new casino in St. Louis does NOT -- I repeat -- does NOT offer Hoot Loot.

I have just two submissions for the muxtape exchange program. I will post them later.

For now, enjoy these pics from Alan's 30th bday.

2008-04-03T15:34:00.000-07:00

Here's an update to this post.

click to enlarge

It's a screen capture of the Top Played Songs on my iPod.

Nothing unexpected here -- lesbian twins from Canada, cheeky British ladies, former American Idol winners, Spoon.

And to think that I'd never heard that song by Pretty Girls Make Graves until I visited Miranda last summer! I still don't know what that band looks like.

I invite you, dear readers, to share the number one most played song on your iPod (or Zune, if you're lame).

No cheating!

And has anyone else made a mixtape? Please do, because then I can listen to good music without having to open iTunes (the memory hog, which forces me to reboot my computer after about five songs).

Why I Should Be Married to Will Arnett

2008-04-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

So there's a new interview with Will Arnett in some random magazine, and he's answering some question, and then...

[His cell phone rings.]

Q: What is that, the Benny Hill theme?

WA: Yeah. I can't lie, I totally stole this idea. I was having dinner with my friend Zach Galifianakis, a comedian, and that tough-guy actor Ray Winstone [of Sexy Beast] was sitting behind us. We were both fawning, looking at him doe-eyed. Then his phone went off and it was Benny Hill, and we both lost it.