Bad Personal Ads

There's An Expiration Date?

2008-11-13T16:05:59Z

I'm going to look past the fact that no one, anywhere, for any reason, should put this much text in all caps. But what's the rush? Will someone turn into a pumpkin? Is an inheritance at stake?

I'M A OUTGOING PERSON, THAT LIKES TO BE AROUND FAMILY AND FRIENDS. LIKE TO GO TO CLUBS, MOVIES,SOMETIMES HAVE SOME QUITE TIME AT HOME.I HAVE A BIG SENSE OF HUMOR. LIKE ALL KINDS OF MUSIC. I NEED TO FIND MS.RIGHT SOON.

I Don't Foresee A Status Change In Your Future

2008-11-12T16:02:21Z

I think there was a day when you just had to say you were a programmer and you could get dates, because everyone thought everyone in computers was going to get and stay rich. That was over at least by 2001. But hey, I give him credit for efficiency.

I am single and a computer programmer. I am looking for a long term relationships. I would like to exchange phone numbers so we can get to know each other first over teh phone. Then we could meet for dinner.

When "Worst" Apparently Means "Best"

2008-11-10T16:06:56Z

When I was in 9th grade, a guy I had a crush on said "Guns N' Roses is so bad." and I said "I kind of like them." and he said "No, bad means good." I'm assuming the same principle is at work here? (Emphasis added below.)

im a lover. And i am the worst in bed, omg you would so love it! [...] I will take u out to nice restaurants and take you to the movies. Anything you want, you got it. I like to take hikes, walks on the beach and romantic book readings at a near by coffee shop. I am perfect for you.

Emphasis mine

2008-11-09T16:08:12Z

Editing problem, or not out of the closet yet?

I like to laugh. I'm am told that I am kind, compassionate, a loyal friend and lover, romantic and sensitive. I don't go to bars to meet men, but do enjoy going out now and then. I consider myself sensitive to the needs of my partner and his emotions, a good communicator. I like to call him in the middle of the day just to tell him that she is on my mind.

OK, Now I'm Just Laughing

2008-11-08T16:03:07Z

I present the ad:

I LOVE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUU
???????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????????????????

Inside voice, outside voice

2008-11-07T16:04:06Z

This may well be going through your head when you write the ad, but that doesn't mean you have to put it in there.

I've had one of these before.
I dont expect much from it.
I won't talk to just anyone.
I have high expectations.

Disclaimers always make me feel warm and fuzzy

2008-11-06T16:09:10Z

Yes sir, let's get all of this out of the way up front, in case anyone has any misconceptions. In fact, don't even tell me anything about yourself or draw me in at all until you make sure I understand the way you think the game should go.

I’m not looking to jump into a relationship immediately and prefer to let things progress naturally without social pressures. You can’t be “efficient” when it comes to people much less relationships. Dating should be fun and an opportunity to learn more about yourself and meet other great people even if it takes awhile to find your match. The process is as important as the end goal.

What Texting Has Done To Our Children, Part 2

2008-11-05T16:15:45Z

I guess this isn't really a bad ad, because presumably she's looking for someone who has similar written communication skills and I fear that she will find them. Except they're going to be mad that she used up all the exclamation points and there aren't any left.

DONT NEED GAMES/DRAMA! LET NATURE TAKE IT'S COURSE! LEAVE A SMILE OR MSG AND I WILL GET BACK TO YOU AS ASOON AS I CAN HAVE FUN HOPE U FIND WHAT UR LOOKING FOR IM L00KIN 4 MEN BTWN THE AGES 0F 26-35 0NLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh.

2008-11-04T16:06:44Z

OK, so I can see where you wouldn't want to hide this kind of information and have someone find out later, but is this the best way to break the news?

im a cool guy dont like drama ,like to stay out of trouble , ive done time already in prison and would like to stay out of prison, i would like to settle down , looking for a seriouse relatioship, no games please.

It Started So Well

2008-11-04T03:48:20Z

I like the positive tone, it's working for me, all right, oh hang on. Now I'm depressed. Might want to edit that ending, hon.

I would like to find someone that is a partner. We support each other in everyway. Its great when we’re sitting alone with that someone and you don’t have to say anything but still feel comfortable with the silence. This someone must like to have a good time going out and comfortable sitting at home watching movies. Someone that cares about other people and must be loving and affectionate. Someone that is not trying to impress everyone that they come into contact with. We have to have the chemistry otherwise, there is no hope.

You know, it's better with the exotic ones

2008-11-02T16:28:13Z

Ah, the classic "white guy seeks foreign beauties" ad.

Workaholic cynical loner type seeking foreign women in the Houston and surrounding area [...]. Iterested in meeting east indian middle eastern european women in the houston and surrounding area and afar distance isnt a problem.

Normally I don't like to call a woman a tease...

2008-11-01T15:01:14Z

But come on, how can you expect someone not to think of nudity when you start your ad like this?

I have a pole dancing clip in my [profile] - and yes, I'm fully clothed, you perverts!

In Honor of Halloween

2008-10-31T12:44:31Z

Major Nelson, this one's all yours.

I AM VERY SELECTIVE,AND WELL ROUNDED.
I MEET PEOPLE WHERE-EVER I GO.
I LOOK LIKE JEANNIE BARBARA EDEN.
YET MOST PEOPLE SAY I LOOK LIKE HER BUT BETTER.
I LIVE THE LIFE I WANT AND LOVE THE LIFE I LIVE.

So Very Generous Of You

2008-10-30T15:01:40Z

The ad doesn't even specify what type of experience he means, but whatever it is, I'm pretty sure he's a jackass.

don't hold my experience against me and i won't count off for your lack of.

Good To Know. Or Not.

2008-10-29T15:04:17Z

Is this an attempt at building suspense?

I want a strong man, funny, shy and bold at the same time, to spoil me when I need affection. I also must say that I have a thing...well I can't say it now because then you will probabily lose your interest.