BAD POETRY AT ITS FINEST

Watching TV

2015-07-22T11:53:00.000-07:00

I watched TV for an hour today,
Not sure what I saw.
I think I laughed a couple of times
Saw a commercial for a bra.

The rest is all a blur for me
It's now a quarter to 10.
Not much brain activity goes on
Watching Two and a Half Men.

Worst day of the year.

2013-01-09T10:29:00.002-08:00

If I cry, I will die.
If I whine, I will sigh,
If I frolic, become an alcoholic,
Because football, is over.
Until August.

Happy New Year Poem

2013-01-02T11:10:00.001-08:00

Has it been a year already?
Have we grown a year together?
Have we broke all of our resolutions?
Like 90% accuracy with the weather?

I guess we'll all cheer again,
When next year comes around
We'll all breathe a sign of relief
When 2013 is then drowned.

Two Friends

2012-12-04T09:31:00.002-08:00

Two friends came out to play o'er there
O'er there is a city park.
It has swings and slides and boyish things
Only thing lacking, is a shark.

The two boys schemed, and cajoled,
They swore and told no one
One time they found a dead squirrel
And poked it, just for fun.

The years flew by, they still played on,
Then one day the news came stark
"My mom said we're moving, Monday"
"Goodbye. Wait, NOW, They're installing a SHARK?"

Halloween!!

2012-10-27T11:36:00.001-07:00

Halloween I'm going as a queen
Maybe I'll dance and sing
Maybe I'll trick, maybe I'll treat
Maybe I'll plan my route
And get every street.
I'll go downstairs
And get all my charts
Get me some juice
To quench my thirst.
What time is it?
Oops. It's November 1st.

Unconventional Basketball

2012-09-30T10:42:00.001-07:00

When I watch TV
I usually eat a peach
Only when they're in season though,
Because other times they're not in reach

Whenever I finish eating them
I'm always in a pickle.
There's the issue of the peach pit
Stupid things are so fickle.

Instead of walking to the kitchen,
To throw in the garbage like a bother,
I play some living room basket ball
With the cup, apparently full of water.

Okay fine. We get it

2012-09-14T22:07:00.000-07:00

I really don't like your peas and carrots

I really don't like your rice and beans

When it comes to eating, I'm still a noob

Forget these solids, I still want boob.

If a picture could talk

2012-09-12T14:15:00.002-07:00

If a picture could talk,
Would it cry?
Would it sing?

If a picture could talk,
How long would it go?
Would it matter?

If a picture could talk
Is 1000 words enough?
I asked one once.

It didn't reply,
So, I'm assuming no.
Zero words is enough.

Haiku #19

2012-09-11T12:34:00.002-07:00

Wish upon a star
Don't wish upon a fire
Your wish will kill you

Summer is over

2012-09-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

We burned a hole
In all our faces
In all our clothes
In all our skins

We burned a hole
In all our wallets
In all our tv's
And all our lunches

Fall is coming
It's about stinking time
So we can stop burning stuff
Except for leaves.

Two Hearts

2012-08-28T15:27:00.006-07:00

Also Published on facebook's Fan Page!

If I was a heart,
My color would be blue.
My partner's would be red,
We'd walk till we were dead.

I'd be sad,
She'd be glad,
We'd run we'd skip,
We'd trot, we'd trip.

She'd laugh,
I'd sigh,
I'd fish,
She'd cry.

I'd wonder,
She'd whisper,
I'd be all like: "What?!"
She'd be like: "I don't like fish, doy!"

Serbian sage

2012-08-28T15:27:00.002-07:00

From The Facebook Fan Page!

Submitted by Joe Konzak

There once was a Serbian sage
Who home-brewed the Electric Age
But Edison trolled him
And freaking outsold him
So he locked himself up in a cage

Why are you banging on my door?

2012-08-28T15:26:00.003-07:00

From Facebooks Fan Page!

Why are you banging on my door?
I can't seem to figure out,
Who on earth is banging on the door,
They seem to want to come in here,
And are yelling with a roar

They seem to be mad at something,
And really want to come in,
I'm not sure they like me much,
They say something about, punching my "chin"

Maybe I'll open the door,
To see what their problem is,
Perhaps I'll ask my chat room friends,
To get their ideas on this.

After a while or so, the man seems to stop,
I decide to try the door, I start to perspire,
Turns out he wanted to shower,
Since he apparently was on fire.

Roses are Red #1

2012-08-28T15:25:00.003-07:00

From Facebook's Bad Poetry Page!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
The chicken crossed the road
Because that's where it's sandwich was.

Why are you banging on my door?

2012-08-08T12:05:00.002-07:00

I can't seem to figure out,

Who on earth is banging on the door,

They seem to want to come in here,

And are yelling with a roar

They seem to be mad at something,

And really want to come in,

I'm not sure they like me much,

They say something about, punching my "chin"

Maybe I'll open the door,

To see what their problem is,

Perhaps I'll ask my chat room friends,

To get their ideas on this.

After a while or so, the man seems to stop,

I decide to try the door, I start to perspire,

Turns out he wanted to shower,

Since he apparently was on fire.

Air Guitar

2012-07-24T17:52:00.002-07:00

I sit next to a guy
Who plays the air guitar
I think he's pretty good,
He even has a gig at the bar.

I could take him, though
In a battle of the instruments
I play air Xylophone
At school I have a monument

I did play air therimin once
But people though I was strange
I could tell they were jealous, though
Because of my awesome hand range.

He's totally rocking out now
I think he'll break his neck
It's looking like he now plays,
Air 'noose' for his paycheck.

Lazy Sunday

2012-07-22T17:55:00.003-07:00

I woke up this morning,
With not a lot to do,
I suppose I could get up,
And make some breakfast stew.

I guess I'll just wait
Until I want to eat
But last night I ate
A whole buffet for my treat

I guess I'll do nothing
and stay here in my bed,
Might as well wake up later
Like tomorrow since it's 10(pm)

The Wind Poem

2012-07-17T16:29:00.001-07:00

The wind blows,
As all things do,
If they make us mad
Or sad, or blue.

Then they suck
As most things do
When they make us mad,
Or sad, or vacuumed.

Clomb Clomb, Ping Ping

2012-07-06T10:08:00.001-07:00

I love to play ping bong,
because of the sound it makes.
It makes it so easy,
To guess the name of the game.

If all sports were named,
But the sounds the game made
Then football would be called:
"Hike ungh, frung, ungh $!#@!$"

If bowling was named,
After the sound that it made
It would be called:
"Brong, fwoo fwooo fwoo FWOO CRUNG UNG UNG UNG"

My favorite, though,
Is the name of a sport,
Of midget tossing farness:
"Ruuh! ShwshshshshshsSHSHSSH Clomb clomb... squeak"

Art

2012-07-06T10:04:00.001-07:00

I knew a guy named Art.
He was good with his medium in art.
When he told me what he did, I did fart,
Because he painted with his own butt fart.

I'm all like, what? that is gross
But his income he did gross
Millions of dollars in cash
In his mattress he did cache.

Then one day he drew,
A picture of a guy named Drew
It was so good that he won
The award for being number one.

Pests? my asps.

2012-06-15T10:18:00.000-07:00

Swat the wasps,
Kill the asps,
Those two tasks,
Will rid the pests.

Water bottles

2012-06-15T10:16:00.003-07:00

Water bottle, on my desk,
You don't have a lid, I guess?
What did you do with it, I may ask?
You dropped it in the garbage can, I'll get it for you. No problem.

Nasal Spray

2012-06-15T10:15:00.001-07:00

Nasal spray is on my desk
Nasal spray is good at chess
Nasal spray get rid of boogers
When I use it, I feel gooder.

May Month

2012-05-14T14:15:00.000-07:00

May is the day I may go out and play.
I may play, you say, so I'll not stay.

I play in May, with Trey and Mey,
I prey we stay to lay with the Fray?

M'kay you say, in may, today.
Perhaps one day, we'll play, in June.

Haiku #18

2012-04-27T11:51:00.003-07:00

Hi, Haiku 18!
Glad you could make it today.
You're worse than 15.