Notice how I didn’t say “Greatest Comic Book Movie OF ALL TIME”. As much as the overacting Internet hooligan in me wants to say it, and as much as I absolutely loved the perfection that is Marvel’s The Avengers, I’m not willing to believe that this is as good as it gets. I say “so far” with the hope that this is the beginning of the new age of comic book movies — an age where films based on superhero comics would not be ashamed of their source material; an age where comic book movies would embrace the absurdity and the larger-than-life events seen in superhero sequential art. I’m looking at you, Superman Returns.

The Avengers is where it starts, hopefully. This film sets the bar for all future superhero movies whether they star an individual costumed vigilante or another super team. The Avengers is not your standard superhero fare. It is, or should be, The Standard, period. I’m looking forward to the day when superhero movies stop trying too hard to satisfy what the general public wants (dark and depressing movies rooted in reality) and start showing everyone what they can really offer — flamboyant moving pictures with humanity, extraordinary circumstances, inspiring heroism, despicable villainy, amusing banter, and lots of explosions. Until then, The Avengers is the mightiest of them all.

And now, I present to you the reasons why Marvel’s The Avengers  is the herald of this new age of epic, honest, and highly entertaining films based on funny books:

1. The Plan

We all know how we got here. After seeing Samuel L. Muddafuckin’ Jackson in the after-credits scene of Iron Man, we all wished for The Avengers movie to be made. And once the succeeding Marvel movies were announced and the larger plan came together, there was no doubt that this movie was on its way. Anticipation for The Avengers simmered through five movies and it reached its boiling point when a teaser trailer came after the credits of Captain America: The First Avenger.

Four different franchises, each holding its own in entertainment value, were slated to come together for the ultimate team-up. It has never been done before probably because it’s crazy, but Marvel actually did it with elegance and finesse. Having The Avengers born from previously established comic book movie franchises makes this movie so much more special than it would’ve been if it wasn’t preceded by those five movies. It may hurt DC’s ego, but they should definitely do the same with the Justice League.

GOD

2. Joss Whedon

From Buffy to his run on Astonishing X-Men, I’ve been a believer. I believe that Joss Whedon is a pop culture god and that’s why I completely lost it when it was announced that he’s directing The Avengers. After seeing what he’s done with Marvel’s premier super group on the big screen, my faith in him is stronger than ever before.

His trademark strong grasp on group dynamics and infallible skill in creating HOLY CRAP! moments are present here. For every quiet moment of humanity and vulnerability with all key players in the story, there is a breathtaking scene of heroism, action, or humor. There is a flawless balance here that we rarely see in comic book movies and it’s all thanks to the Joss. ALL HAIL THE JOSS!

3. SHENANIGANS!

One reason why I read more Marvel comics than books from other publishers is because Marvel characters rarely function well when they’re working together. There’s always bickering and endless banter between these flawed characters, even in the Avengers. Seeing this motley crew working together to save the world on the big screen is already a spectacle on its own. There’s Tony Stark getting all up in Steve Rogers’ face, Thor and Iron Man beating the crap out of each other, Hulk trying to smash the Black Widow, and the big green guy sucker punching the God of Thunder.

This movie isn’t about a group of superheroes fighting aliens. This movie is about super individuals trying to come together in a riveting and hilarious fashion to save the world on a day unlike any other. This is probably why you won’t even notice that the Chitauri aren’t really threatening at all and the plot is pretty much your basic Villain Recruits An Alien Race To Invade Earth superhero story.

4. Loki

While the Chitauri only serve as target practice for Hawkeye and as punching bags for the rest of the Avengers, Tom Hiddleston’s Loki provides the threat worthy of the Avengers coming together. With a cunning smile and bursts of rage, the God of Mischief plants seeds of chaos and distrust wherever he goes. He cries for revenge but not in a way that you would totally despise him. Hiddleston gives Loki a tortured soul that yearns for what he thinks should be his — vengeance and total domination of Thor’s pet planet. He actually believes that he was wronged. He’s sad and angry and heartbroken. You’d actually feel sorry for the guy when he gets beaten up by his brother’s new pals. Pay attention, future comic book filmmakers. Enough with two-dimensional villains prone to cheesy maniacal laughter. Make us root for the bad guy. Or at least feel sorry for them.

5. Mark Ruffalo

DISCLAIMER: I’ve had a man crush on Mark Ruffalo since forever.

MARK RUFFALO IS THE BEST BRUCE BANNER/HULK OF ALL TIME. Okay, the rest of the cast is awesome too, I guess. Seeing them dick around in media events and interviews gives you the feeling that they actually had a lot of fun working on the movie. There’s no drama — that we know of — and they seem genuinely happy and proud of the film. You can actually see this camaraderie in the movie itself as the different characters play off each other quite nicely. Great performances all around. But back to Mark Ruffalo. This guy is soft-spoken, bordering on extremely shy. That’s why when he starts to get angry, you really feel the tension in the air, making the emergence of the jolly green giant so much more compelling compared to previous big screen Hulks. I actually felt terror when Banner slammed his hand on that table in India. MARK RUFFALO IS THE BEST, YOU GUYS.

6. Origin Mashup

We’ve had comic book movies that stuck to the source material as closely as they possibly could. Boring. We’ve had comic book movies that went the opposite direction and strayed too far from the comics. Pointless. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel when it comes to comic book movie plots, Hollywood. But you don’t have to strictly translate what’s on the printed page onto the big screen either. There needs to be a balance between taking stories from the days of old and putting a new spin on them to make them actually feel fresh and new.

In Marvel’s The Avengers, we see the origin of the team which involves Loki’s shenanigans and his Chitauri army. This is actually a mixture of the origin of the original Avengers and the origin of the Ultimates, the version of the Avengers in the Marvel’s Ultimate Universe (Google it). Whedon and Zak Penn took both origins and mashed them up into a new — yet still very familiar — origin story that is better than the sum of its parts.

7. The Big Finish

EXPLOSIONS! YAY!

I can talk all day about the superb cast, the brilliant balance of character development and action, and how MARK RUFFALO IS THE GREATEST PERSON OF ALL TIME, but at the end of the day, a movie is not a superhero comic book movie without explosions and men in tights punching each other IN THE FACE. The big battle in Manhattan between the Avengers and Loki’s army is the stuff of legends. We’ve seen movies with spectacular battle scenes before but this one is different; there’s banter and eye candy and genuinely awesome moments worthy of cheer and applause. It’s just like reading comics! But better.

We know you can do crazy stuff with computers, Hollywood. Now it’s time to do things that would actually entertain our minds and hearts and souls instead of just satisfying our eyes and ears. The Avengers movie has taken the lead and hopefully, the rest of you clowns would follow suit.

8. Marvelous Memorable Moments

I’ve always believed that the best movies are those that you talk about long after you’ve left the cinema. The Avengers is definitely that kind of movie. Instead of slowly building up the story in the first two acts and suddenly unleashing hell in the final act, The Avengers gives us one great moment after another, from beginning to end. Including hilarious one liners, amusing sight gags, Agent Coulson’s last hurrah, Hulk throwing Loki around like a rag doll before uttering the words “PUNY GOD” (my personal favorite), Thanos making an appearance in the mid-credits scene that’s surely making fans wet their pants all over the world, and more Avengery goodness, there’s a lot here to fuel endless discussions about the greatest comic book move so far.

If you want to get these Petron Avengers tumblers too, you’ll have to shell out at least Php1,000 for gas at any Petron gas station, plus Php60 for each tumbler. Don’t worry, they’re worth it. The figures on top of every tumbler is surprisingly detailed. Also, they can perform pretty neat actions!

Here are some blurry photos of my assembled Petron Avengers (Sorry for the photo quality. I’ve had my camera since 2006 and I still have no idea how to take decent photos with it.):

Tap a lever behind his back and Hulk does a smashing gesture.

Pull Thor’s right hand upwards, push the button on his back, and BAM! Mjolnir in your face.

Iron Man’s chest thingy actually lights up!

Captain America’s shield… uh… spins.

I’m not actually impressed with the Iron Man figure because among the four of them, he’s the only one who looks kind of cheap. But still, for a Php60 (that’s around $1.42) promotional item, it’s alright. The cups don’t feel as hard and as sturdy as I was expecting, and their center of gravity lies in the figures — when they’re empty of course. Also, the lids are so easy to remove that one slight pinch on the cups will send those lids — and the figures on top of them — flying to the ground (or out the window of your car if you’re dumb enough to use them while driving). So yes, they are quite awkward to handle, so I’m leaving them in their pretty boxes for display. I’m not drinking soda out of any of them anytime soon. They look awesome, though.

And now, a couple more crappy photos:

The Scarlet Witch Goes Solo

She’s back and she’s fighting crime again. It’s been years since Disassembled and Decimation, and I for one was looking forward to the day she comes back to face an army of angry mutants and a team of superheroes she ripped to shreds. I’m one of those people who hoped that she wouldn’t be killed off because it’s more fun if someone who royally screwed a bunch of super people hangs around to face the consequences of said royal screwing.

Aside from ruining M.O.D.O.K.’s day in Avengers vs. X-Men #0, Wanda also does one thing that I’ve been waiting for her to do since she indirectly disbanded the Avengers years ago — visit the new Avengers Mansion. While this Scarlet Witch story doesn’t have an obvious connection to AvX, I really enjoyed the awkward confrontation between Wanda and the Avengers, particularly her synthezoid husband who just came back from the dead.

This Android, This Crybaby

I advise you to read Avengers #24.1 to get a full understanding of Vision’s state of mind (CPU?). Dude picks a fight with Magneto, yo. That’s hardcore. He’s not as crazy in AvX #0, though. I expected him to completely flip out once he sees Wanda but he just becomes this really big jerk not just to his wife but to the other Avengers as well. And then he cries emo tears. I can’t really blame him because THIS:

That awkward moment when She-Hulk rips Vison apart because the Scarlet Witch is crazy.

I’ve never thought of the Vision as a compelling character before but all this tension between him and the Scarlet Witch already provides all the melodrama that AvX needs, provided that they will actually play major roles in the event. That’s one thing that bothers me about this issue #0. I would have enjoyed it better if I knew that this story would actually have ramifications in the main event or if it’s just a way for Marvel to deliver the melodrama before they let superheroes go to war. I don’t want to spend months waiting for the Scarlet Witch to open this pit up then get nothing.

Hope Steals Cyclops’ Jetpack

I don’t know about you guys but I’m finding it very hard to like Hope. She’s a brat who whines a lot, no wonder Cyclops is such an angry guy. She’s a jerk to the people who care for her. Take for example in #0, she shoots Cyclops with his own optic blasts after stealing the man’s jetpack. You do not just steal a man’s jetpack, young lady! I think I’ve read every comic she has appeared in ever since she made her debut as a baby, and so far, there’s little that I like about her. I hope (heh) the Phoenix Force consumes her soul and spits out Jean Grey.

Well, maybe I’m being a bit harsh on little miss mutant messiah. She does have some redeeming qualities. She’s a tough summbitch after all. Exhibit A – The Headbutt:

It’s Coming!

Let’s face it, more things happened in Avengers vs. X-Men #0 than in issue #1. We’ve been aware of the fact that the Phoenix Force is coming. Advertisements and numerous interviews with creators and editors made sure of that. With a considerable part of #1 having the Avengers dealing with this fact thanks to intergalactic Paul Revere Nova, it feels like most of the issue has lost its impact. The Phoenix Force didn’t even arrive in #1. It’s still coming.

Am I there yet? Am I there yet? Am I there yet?

The Optic Blast Heard ‘Round the World

As far as I’m concerned, AvX #1 is all about one 2-page spread:

IT IS ON LIKE EMMA FROST’S THONG.

Forget the Phoenix Force ravaging an entire world. Forget Nova crash landing on Earth. The money shot of Avengers vs. X-Men #1 is Cyclops optic blasting the star and stripes off of Captain America’s shield. I’m glad this happened in the first issue. Now we know right off the bat that there’s no misunderstanding. There’s no accident. We know that Cyclops wants a fight and Captain America is ready to give him one. We know there’s reluctance in the way Cap calls the Avengers to assemble and we see on Emma Frost’s face that there’s no way around it. Scott Summers just took the first shot and IT’S GO TIME.

I can’t wait for next week. Until then, I’ll just sit in a corner and cry in anticipation with Vision.

An actual photo of me in my actual former job that I actually quit 2 years ago. Actually irrelevant to this post.

And now for some updates you didn’t ask for but you’re going to get anyway:

The Avengers Tumblers from Petron

Click to giant-size.

I gassed up the other night at Petron along C5. I usually gas up at Shell but the Empty sign on my fuel gauge was already on — I like to live on the edge — so I had no choice but to stop at the nearest gas station. It was my dumb driver instincts that led me to Petron’s The Avengers movie promo that gives people the chance to buy Avengers tumblers for Php60 each whenever they purchase at least Php1,000 worth of fuel.

I only got Thor and Hulk because the fuel guy told me Captain America and Iron Man will only be available next week. He neglected to tell me that Cap and Iron Man are actually already available in other Petron gas stations. That fool. Anyway, the figure on top of the tumblers are actually pretty awesome. Thor can throw Mjolnir! And Hulk can smash! I can’t remember the last time I was excited about tumblers.

Avengers vs. X-Men Loot

I finally made my first purchase on Comicx Hub and of course it had to be a pre-order of Avengers vs. X-Men #0-12 and Avengers vs. X-Men: Versus #1-6. This totally makes me feel better about downloading some comics illegally. Haha! I’m totally kidding. No I’m not.

Nothing beats waking up in the morning with a package of comics goodies waiting for you right next to your bed. My first package of AvX stuff arrived earlier today and it included issues #0 and #1, a couple of pins, a couple of posters, a program guide, and a really small shirt. I tried the shirt on and, well, fat people like should not wear tiny shirts like that. Doesn’t mean I won’t wear it, though.

The package arrived via LBC. I didn’t know they deliver packages on Black Saturdays so it was a really pleasant surprise. Good job, LBC! You too, Comicx Hub!

COMIC BOOK VIOLENCE!

A few months ago, I was posting regular updates on 10 different blogs. Now I hardly post on 4. Still, I do my best to entertain people with my fascinating words and compelling images — and by that I mean I do my best to amuse myself when there’s no alcohol or food around. On that note, I would like to invite you to humor me and my blogging efforts by visiting — and maybe even reading — my blogs (Baddieverse, Purveyor of Villainy, COMIC BOOK VIOLENCE!, and The eLBi Life). Also, I’ve recently created a Facebook page for COMIC BOOK VIOLENCE! because I’m hoping that there are more people out there who love violence in comics like I do. ‘Like’ it if you like explosions and fictional people punching each other in the face.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some violent comics to read. Thanks for dropping by!

Knoji was known by a different name by then but even with a new name, it has remained true to its vision of giving consumers the answers they need and giving us poor people a way to earn some cash by discussing the things we love with as little error in grammar as possible. Here are 5 things to like about the new and improved Knoji:

1. The Design

I’ve always loved how clean Knoji used to look, but now it has a more lively look to it. Bright green and orange elements liven up the mood in the minimalist design of this knowledge network. It’s not just pretty, though. Finding the answers to your nagging questions is an effortless task as all the main topic on the site are listed on the top navigation section. This makes it easier to look for categories and articles. Add to that the huge search field and you’ve got a nice looking and user friendly interface.

2. Profile Pages

As a writer for Knoji, having a clean profile page gives me the right tools to show off my articles and my expertise. I love how my articles are organized in such a way that it can be filtered by the number of comments, votes, and times they were searched. For knowledge seekers, these profile pages give them a direct link to exploring the articles of experts as well asking them questions relevant to their expertise directly via the Ask Question button. Speaking of which –

3. Q&A

If reading articles on the topics you are interested in is not enough, you can go directly to the experts and ask them your extremely important questions — about, say, that tingling sensation you experience whenever you pee? — via the Q&A system. Experts can then address those questions because they are awesome. Other people can join in on the fun too as questions asked via the Q&A system can also be answered in the public Knoji forums.

4. Dashboard

One of the first things I loved about Knoji even before its recent face lift was the Dashboard. I get all the information I want to know about my account like my best performing articles, how much have I earned so far this month, and more in one convenient page. This is also the most convenient way to jump on writing opportunities and earn some money.

The Great Philosopher Meja with the Great Homosexual Ricky Martin

5. Money, Money, Money

The great philosopher Meja once said, “it’s all about the money.” In some way, that’s true with Knoji as far as most writers are concerned. Publishing articles is easy and the revenue stream keeps flowing. The more you write, the bigger your activity bonuses are, the more you earn. I’m not going to be a millionaire anytime soon but if I write enough articles, I can get a steady stream of monthly payments via PayPal to help me fund my addiction to beer.

While Knoji initially focused on the writing part of the equation, its new improvements make it clear that from now on, providing answers to questions on a range of topics is top priority for the knowledge network. I liked it first as a writer, but not I’m starting to like it in a different way — as a community of experts and knowledge seekers basking in the glory of Internet information sharing. It just so happens that there’s revenue sharing involved for writers too. Huzzah!