tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71431700860463070022026-04-30T05:08:36.364-03:00Humor e GamesBaguin de Gatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04116888206202976529noreply@blogger.comBlogger1168125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7143170086046307002.post-72142020488768055012012-06-16T11:56:00.001-03:002012-06-16T11:56:45.908-03:00<div style="text-align: center;"> <iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/aDOz2TPcBro" width="560"></iframe></div>Baguin de Gatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04116888206202976529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7143170086046307002.post-40217242687064264942012-06-11T20:32:00.002-03:002012-06-11T20:32:50.944-03:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDrxVJebnC-3LVPmXhdde4fycnPqfzlkBm_tzfF1uVAMzs4XVVUngF09p_gPTEYEGltJiN7Ms-p2Oap68zU_EpAv5mwI3KwhJM3mwomeVifhqBGReaVu4PHXeA8sfdi06wtgZZgGuYpgr7/s1600/00adeus-infancia07.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; 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text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijcWrBeYsjGEhPWL3q_3gn1kuNxrYOQ0tHU5tK_Ptxrrsvrlc3sX56jeHLP7TDRWgHTUzyJAdAzoVSr-wXkJTlnScOy-0lFUg5jInIcN-_q8PcQIZvz0SMu1MUVzV1PcedlqVbv804mkFY/s1600/o_pensador_do_seculo_xxi_474185.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijcWrBeYsjGEhPWL3q_3gn1kuNxrYOQ0tHU5tK_Ptxrrsvrlc3sX56jeHLP7TDRWgHTUzyJAdAzoVSr-wXkJTlnScOy-0lFUg5jInIcN-_q8PcQIZvz0SMu1MUVzV1PcedlqVbv804mkFY/s320/o_pensador_do_seculo_xxi_474185.jpg" width="274" /></a></div> <br /> <ol start="1" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje consegui a senha do MSN do meu namorado. Entrei, e tinha 2 grupos: Gatas e Outras. Eu estava nas Outras.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> <span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">&nbsp; </span></div> <ol start="2" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">&nbsp;Hoje perguntei a minha mãe porque ela compra xampu de R$20,00 para ela e um de R$1,99 pra mim, ela respondeu: “Eu compro xampu bom pra quem tem cabelo bom…”. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="3" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu falei pro meu namorado: “Nossa quando você tira o bigode você fica lindo”, ele fala: “Você também”. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="4" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu mandei um SMS todo romântico para o meu namorado. Ele teria adorado, se tivesse recebido... Mandei para o meu ex por engano porque ja estava acostumada com o numero dele.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="5" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje descobri que um grande amigo é gay e, além disso, só transa com a namorada porque ela se parece comigo. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="6" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu namorado pediu-me para que chamasse seu filho de 13 anos para descer e jantar conosco. Quando abri a porta do escritório, ele estava se masturbando na frente do computador de meu namorado. Estaria tudo bem, se a foto que ele estivesse vendo não fosse a minha. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="7" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu vi que o porteiro do meu prédio tem um celular melhor que o meu. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="8" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha mãe me xingou de vagabundo porque eu não quis catalogar os filmes daqui de casa. Faço faculdade e tenho 3 trabalhos atrasados para entregar. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="9" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha namorada terminou comigo porque descobriu que homosexualidade pode ser hereditária. Minha mãe é lésbica. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="10" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fiz sexo com minha namorada e meu papagaio agora imita gemidos dela. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="11" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje descobri que minha melhor amiga fica me chamando de “vaca lesada” anonimamente no formspring</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="12" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui comemorar meu aniversário na casa do meu namorado. Crente que iríamos transar. Mas fiquei assistindo ele jogar Super Mário no pc. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="13" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui gozar na cara da minha namorada quando minha mãe entra no quarto e diz que o voo se adiantou.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="14" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje comprei um vestido preto lindo para sair com meu namorado, ele disse: “Você fica linda de preto amor, emagrece bastante!”. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="15" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu namorado que está fazendo intercâmbio em Dublin me ligou só pra falar que queria ouvir minha voz. Seria lindo se ele não tivesse ligado a cobrar. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="16" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu desmaiei na casa do meu namorado. Ele disse que eu estava fingindo. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="17" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu pai me ligou as 5 da manhã. Acordei assustado pensando que tivesse acontecido alguma coisa. Mas não, ele só queria bater papo e dizer que “dormir é morrer um pouco”. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="18" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu cheguei no trabalho, e não tinha ninguém. Meu chefe me deu a cópia da chave ontem, então abri a porta da firma. O alarme soou, uma viatura que estava perto achou que eu era um ladrão e me deteve. Fui parar na delegacia, e só saí a noite. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="19" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje a menina que eu gostava faz uns dois anos, veio conversar comigo, e me disse que só não ficou comigo porque eu tinha monocelha.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="20" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu namorado de 2 anos falou que sempre se sentiu atraido pelo meu irmão.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="21" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje contei para minha mãe que sou lésbica, ela me deu um tapa e perguntou se o neto dela seria feito com o dedo. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="22" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje um médico veio comprar pastel na barraca que trabalho. O problema é que na semana passada eu fui ao consultório dele e disse que também era médico para poder ter um desconto especial na consulta. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="23" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha mãe me obrigou a servir de cobaia para minha irmã testar seu talento de cabeleireira. Ela cortou a minha orelha três vezes com a tesoura, cortou mais de um lado do que do outro e a solução foi raspar com a 0. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="24" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje estava raspando meu peito e cortei o meu mamilo. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="25" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu que tenho 22 anos tive que ficar em casa, enquanto meu irmão de apenas 15 foi para uma rave de dois dias. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="26" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui em um casamento e tô um pouco gripado, na hora de se despedir dos noivos meu amigo falou alguma coisa engraçada fui rir e acabou saindo catarro do meu nariz e caiu no vestido da noiva. Todos da mesa viram. A noiva fez um escandâlo, eu me fingi de bebado e sai fora.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="27" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha mãe me expulsou de casa porque eu não ajudei ela a faxinar. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="28" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui ao médico e descobri que ficarei 20 dias em casa, sem sair por nada, pois estou com algum tipo de alergia. Faz 2 dias que entrei de férias e daqui 24 dias voltam as aulas. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="29" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu mandei uma mensagem para o meu namorado perguntando o que ele estava fazendo e ele falou que estava vendo Sherlock Holmes. Eu falei que estava louca para ver e ele respondeu que ainda tinha na locadora. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="30" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha namorada terminou comigo por causa de um chocolate Diamante Negro. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="31" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fiz 1 mês de namoro e fui levar minha namorada pra passear. Chegando no local perguntei como tinha sido o mês para ela e ela respondeu com toda naturalidade que ainda pensava muito no ex. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="32" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui assaltada, levaram meu celular e meu notebook, ao sair os ladrões ainda me jogaram na poça de lama. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="33" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu amigo disse que teria aula, acordei as 5 da manhã e a escola estava fechada. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="34" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje estava pedindo carona no campus da faculdade quando meu professor passa, desacelera e buzina pra mim, quando chego perto do carro ele me da tchau e arranca. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="35" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje descobri que tenho mais pelos na cara do que o meu namorado. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="36" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje percebi que a única pessoa a lembrar do meu aniversário foi a Equipe Windows Live do messenger. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="37" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje é meu aniversário. Tive uma reunião estressante, recebi ligações e nenhuma era para me cumprimentar, tive que ir ao velório de uma conhecida, não ganhei nenhum presente. Não vi minha mãe. Não vi nenhum familiar. Não vi nenhum amigo. Nem meu namorado. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="38" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha namorada, que mora em outra cidade, me ligou bebada e contou sobre a noite com um cara. Nossa relação é aberta, mas por ciume eu disse que tudo bem por que eu também havia ficado com alguém. Ela disse que não aceitaria mais isso e terminou comigo. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="39" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha namorada disse que ‘alguém’ falou que ela era bonita demais pra ficar comigo. Perguntei quem, ela respondeu: “o espelho”. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="40" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu fui em um puteiro. Depois do serviço com a garota, ficamos conversando um bom tempo. Agora estou apaixonado por ela. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="41" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha mãe descobriu que eu não sou virgem e me expulsou de casa. Eu tenho 25 anos e namoro há 4, agora vou morar em um barraco no morro. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="42" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu professor mandou fazer a árvore genealógica da família. Minha nota? Zero. Por quê? Aparentemente copiei o dever de um garoto da outra turma. Ele é meu irmão. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="43" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje após o jogo do brasil, estava ficando com uma garota, quando de repente alguém bate nas minhas costas, já ia xingar meio mundo, quando vejo que era MINHA NAMORADA. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="44" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha mulher foi embora porque não sabe se ela gosta de mim ou de mulheres. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="45" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu namorado terminou comigo porque disse que continua apaixonado pela ex dele, que por sinal está grávida de outro e vai casar esse mês. Ele ainda teve a cara de pau de dizer que eu não fui suficientemente boa para fazer ele esquece-la. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="46" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu ex namorado disse que a atual ficante dele beija bem, tem peito e é gostosa. E eu não. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="47" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje faz 7 dias que não falo com minha esposa. Ela me disse que essa foi a melhor semana que ela ja teve desde quando casamos. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 18.0pt;"> </div> <ol start="48" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha amiga menstruou na cadeira e trocou comigo sem que eu percebesse. A diretora fez eu limpar e me apelido é chiquinha </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="49" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje descobri que meu namorado me trai com minha mãe. Quando falei, ele disse que só estava comigo para se aproximar dela. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoListParagraph"> </div> <ol start="50" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje acordei em um motel sozinha, sem grana e sem lembranças da noite passada. Não pude pagar a conta, chamaram a polícia e a minha mãe para me buscar. PAOOOOOOOOO </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="51" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje quando iamos transar, disse ao meu namorado que estava me sentindo gorda porque estava na TPM e meu corpo estava inchado. Ele me mandou proucurar um médico para descobrir porque minha TPM tem durado o mês todo. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="52" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha namorada fez uma declaração de amor pra mim. Pensei que ela fosse falar que me ama pelas minhas qualidades, mas ela disse que me ama porque meu cecê cheira a cheetos. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="53" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje falei para o meu namorado que eu achava que estava grávida. Ele olhou para a minha barriga e disse que quando esta grávida a pele fica esticada e não essa essa pelanca.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="54" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje era aniversário da minha namorada. Mandei um buquê de rosas na sala de aula dela e um cartão que eu mesmo escrevi, e fui buscá-la no final da aula. Varias amigas dela me parabenizaram pelo ato. Ela ficou brava, disse que eu a fiz passar vergonha e que a letra no cartão era da minha irmã. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="55" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha namorada achou que eu a traí porque consegui abrir seu sutiã de primeira. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="56" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje vi o histórico do meu namorado. Encontrei clipes do Restart, o link do Garota Popular e o link de bate-papo gay. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="57" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui almoçar com meu pai de vestido. Ele me olha na frente dos amigos dele e fala: “Ah, tá vestida de mulher hoje.” </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="58" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui apresentar minha namorada ao meu pai, e ele disse: “Essa é a Mariana que voce tanto fala”. Minha namorada se chama Laura. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="59" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje de madrugada mais uma vez meu filho veio para minha cama. Minha mulher acordou reclamando de falta de espaço e me enxotou pro sofá. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="60" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu iria pra Disney como viagem de formatura. Vou ser reprovada por 1 ponto em biologia. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="61" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje dormi 15 minutos durante a aula de biologia. Eu sou o professor de biologia.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="62" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje estava escovando os dentes, e ao enxaguar a boca, percebi que saía da torneira coisas parecidas com penas. Mostrei a minha mãe, e ela disse, na maior naturalidade: “ah, é porque tem um pombo morto na caixa d’água”. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="63" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu estava indo encontrar meu pai quando passo em frente a um bar onde estavam vários homens sentados.Eles começaram a gritar e me chamar de gostosa e safada.Quando eu viro um dos homens era o meu pai.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="64" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje cheguei do trabalho e minha mãe estava fazendo comida. Cheguei por tras e dei um susto nela, com o susto ela virou e tacou a faca em mim, levei 5 pontos na mão. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="65" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu namorado e eu estavamos no maior amasso em cima da minha cama,de repente ele me olhou dentro dos olhos e disse: ‘nos precisamos fazer uma coisa, eu me animei e disse: ‘o que?’, ele deitou-se ao meu lado e disse: ‘dormir’ </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="66" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje descobri que o cara com quem estou ficando a 6 meses ficou com minha prima a uns 2 meses e a engravidou.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="67" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fez 2 semanas que não só torci, como também desloquei o tornozelo direito. Ainda não consigo andar direito. Hoje torci o tornozelo esquerdo. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="68" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje cheguei na escola e vi meu melhor amigo beijando minha namorada. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="69" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje estava andando pelo centro da cidade,encontrei um mendigo dormindo no chão. Fui colocar uma nota de 10 reais dentro do boné dele, ele acordou, e, por reflexo me deu um murro no nariz.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="70" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha mãe desfez a venda da minha casa que já era um negócio fechado por causa de uma briga sobre um sofá. Faz 6 anos que tentamos vender a casa por causa dos diversos assaltos, inclusive a mão armada. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="71" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje estávamos fazendo prova em sala, ou seja, estava o maior silêncio. Me estiquei para pegar a borracha que tinha caído e peidei. Nunca riram tanto de mim. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="72" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje quando minha mãe tava no telefone virei para ela e disse: “mãe to com fome”. Ela me deu um tapa e disse foda-se. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="73" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui a uma loja comprar um celular novo. Quando acabo de receber meu celular, ainda na caixa, entram 3 caras armados na loja e a assaltam. Levaram minha carteira e o celular de R$1000 que eu tinha acabado de comprar. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="74" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu namorado e eu estávamos na minha cama, ele me pediu para ficar um pouco mais longe deixa-lo um pouco sozinho. Fiz isso e ele começou a escrever um sms no celular, me mandou uma mensagem dizendo que não sentia mais nada e nem teria coragem de falar isso na minha cara. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="75" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu namorado brigou comigo por ciúme. Motivo? Ele descobriu que eu assisti a um filme no qual em uma das cenas um cara ficava só de cueca. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="76" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje no trabalho recebi um e-mail da minha namorada com umas fotos que ela tirou enquanto transávamos,me empolguei e nem percebi o dono da firma aparecer atrás de mim.Ele me chamou de pervertido safado e me demitiu. A firma é do meu sogro.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="77" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha prima me ensinou a dar laço no sapato. Eu tenho 15 anos e ela 4.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="78" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje comentei com minha mulher o quão rídiculos são esses anúncios de aparelhos de aumento peniano que recebemos por e-mail. Ela respondeu: “você deveria tentar”</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="79" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu marido fez um encontro com os amigos aqui em casa e, para deixá-los mais a vontade, fui dormir na casa da minha mãe. Quando voltei, percebi que o tubo de lubrificante anal que estava fechado havia acabado. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="80" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha mãe me expulsou de casa dizendo que não quer uma lésbica ‘maria sabão’ na casa dela. Nunca beijei uma menina na minha vida. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="81" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje acordei decidida a terminar o meu namoro de mais de 6 anos por que há 2 não tenho um orgasmo. Meu namorado me pediu em casamento! </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="82" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu namorado terminou comigo porque eu coloquei solteiro na carteira de trabalho.|| VidaDeMerda Hoje estava em casa conversando com minha mãe, quando uma amiga me ligou e avisou que estava vindo aqui em casa. Minha mãe comentou que suspeitava da menina ter medo de ficar sozinha na casa dela. Mas na verdade é meu aniversário e minha mãe não lembrou. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="83" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje descobri que minha empregada entra escondido no meu msn, adiciona gente que eu nem conheço e fica dando em cima dos meus primos. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="84" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje estava contando ao meu namorado que iria pintar o cabelo e que custaria 75 reais.Então ele me pergunta: ‘É mais caro porque seu cabelo é ruim?’. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="85" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje acordei com uma tapão na cabeça porque minha mãe é sonâmbula e sonhou que estava sendo assaltada.|| VidaDeMerda Hoje estava beijando uma menina no parque da cidade quando um mosquito entrou em nossa boca. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="86" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">oje meu irmão de 7 anos riscou toda a tela do computador com tachinhas. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="87" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu tentei ser gentil com o meu chefe e o elogiei pela sua elegância, ele não entendeu o elogio e mandou eu ter mais respeito com ele. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="88" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui mandar um recado no orkut para minha prima de 12 anos, e em cima de um recado meu tinha o de um menino perguntando: ‘quem é essa tua amiga ali em baixo? ela é linda *-*’. Fui no Orkut dele e ela respondeu: ‘Não é amiga, é minha prima. E ela é super chata’.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="89" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu namorado passou a manhã inteira falando sobre sexo com minha irmã. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="90" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu ficante, que eu estava adorando sair me disse por msn: ‘olha você é linda e charmosa,e eu GOSTO muito de você, mas eu vou namorar com outra, tá?’. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="91" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje o segurança do colégio disse que minha filha era muito bonita. Estava buscando minha irmã gêmea. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="92" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje, estava na fila do consulado chinês e estava comentando a nova lei sobre proibição de motos, com uma pessoa da fila. E disse: ‘essa lei é tão rigorosa que se eles te pegam, a punição é cortar um dedo..’. Quando me dou conta, a pessoa com quem estava conversando, NÃO TINHA UM DEDO. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="93" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui pedida em namoro por telefone, estava toda feliz. Fui no shopping com minhas amigas no mesmo dia, chegando lá, ouvi elas falando que o meu “namorado” só tinha me pedido em namoro por pena.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="94" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje flagrei meu pai fazendo sexo virtual com a minha mãe no msn.|| VidaDeMerda Hoje meu ex-namorado de 1 ano e 9 meses que me filmou enquanto perdia minha virgindade e mostrou a cidade inteira, falou para minha amiga que eu não presto e que ela vai ficar mal falada por andar comigo. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="95" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha enteada me chamou de ‘Vaca Dadeira’. Ela tem 3 anos.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="96" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu fui para faculdade com uma calça branca linda que eu comprei ha pouco tempo. Minha menstrução desceu. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="97" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje descobri que meu pai tem um caso com a empregada. A empregada é minha namorada. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="98" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje para comemorar nossos 4 anos de namoro, minha namorada perdeu a virgindade. Pena que não foi comigo. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="99" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha namorada terminou comigo pois eu não quis ver o pênis do irmão dela. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="100" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje não vi que o liquidificador estava com o copo quebrado na parte superior e fiz uma vitamina que voou por todas partes. A cozinha agora está cheirando à leite e meu pai ainda disse que eu fiquei burra depois de virar vegetariana </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="101" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu descobri que não vou poder engravidar, minha irmã vira e fala: “Pensa no lado bom, você vai poder dar pra geral”. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="102" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fiz uma tatuagem com o nome do “meu” filho no braço inteiro e acabo de descobrir que não sou o pai. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="103" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje no trânsito fui fechado por uma carroça. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="104" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje me dei conta de que sou a mulher mais infeliz do mundo: tenho 28 anos, nunca transei, sou BV, estou bem acima do peso, não trabalho, moro com meus pais, não consegui passar no vestibular e o último cara para quem me declarei disse que se o pau dele um dia subir pra mim ele mandará cortar. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="105" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje não quiseram me vender cigarro na padaria que freqüento por eu não estar com o documento de identidade. Tenho 28 anos </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="106" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha mãe gastou quase R$1000 em compras no shopping. É meu aniversário, ela me deu de presente uma camisa de camelô do Palmeiras de R$10. Eu sou corinthiano. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="107" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje a gorata com quem namoro ha tres anos, me falou que se converteu ao Islamismo e que seu nome agora é Amina Farida Ghada, depois ela ainda falou que quando nos casarmos quer ir morar na Arábia Saudita.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="108" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha mãe falou que minha vida se resume a beber, fumar e fazer sexo. Sou virgem. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="109" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje sonhei que tinha sido demitido. Acordei aliviado por ter sido só um sonho. Cheguei no trabalho e fui demitido.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="110" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui descer do carro, meu salto enroscou no cinto e para não cair de cara no chão apoiei a mão em um coco que estava na calçada.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="111" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha mãe disse que eu deveria me dedicar mais aos estudos. Nunca repeti um ano e nem tirei uma nota abaixo de 7. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="112" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu estava falando com meu ficante no telefone, então eu arrotei e ele não gostou. Começou a me comparar com a ex dele me chamando de fria e insensivel. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="113" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu twittei, “minha mãe está no telefone com um dos namorados dela para variar”, e o namorado dela tinha twitter e me seguia e o pior ele não estava no telefone com ela. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="114" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje chamei meu ex namorado pra dormir aqui, ele veio e aproveitou e chamou a namorada e fizeram sexo no meu quarto.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="115" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui transar com meu namorado. No meio da transa ele enfiou uma uva na minha periquita. A uva não quis sair, fui parar no hospital. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="116" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje descobri que minha mãe saiu com o meu primeiro namorado. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="117" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje o cara com quem divido o apartamento me acordou durante uma soneca de tarde para avisar que preciso me mudar. A razão? Ele acha que nossas diferenças políticas vão se tornar violentas no futuro.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="118" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje entrei no orkut do meu namorado e eu estava incluída no grupo “AMIGOS”, tinha um outro grupo escrito “MELHORES”, lá estavam um monte de meninas inclusive as ex dele.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="119" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha namorada terminou comigo com um pedaço de uma musica do Restart!</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="120" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje no colégio eu estava ouvindo as meninas da minha sala discutirem sobre a sexualidade do professor de artes, que tem jeito de boiola. A menina que eu gosto disse: “ah, pelo menos ele não é feio que nem o Ricardo” .Meu nome é Ricardo. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="121" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje quando cheguei da escola, minha mãe cismou que eu estava com pulgas e me fez ficar pelada no quintal.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="122" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha namorada e eu fomos pela primeira vez para o motel. Lá, ela se sentiu mal e quis dormir a noite toda. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="123" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu namorado terminou comigo, pois segundo ele, sou muito imatura, e ele queria uma mulher mais velha e responsavel. Namoramos por 5 anos,eu sou 3 anos mais velha,estou terminando a faculdade e moro sozinha.Ele parou de estudar,não trabalha e mora com os pais.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="124" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha mãe me acordou às 8h para tomar café junto com ela, só para poder esquentar o leite no microondas que ela ganhou. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="125" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fiquei sabendo que estou grávida do meu ex- namorado, que terminou comigo para voltar com a ex dele. Tenho 20 , moro com meus pais e ja tenho uma filha de 3 anos ! </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="126" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje declarei meu amor com sinceridade para o meu namorado, a resposta foi: “legal ..” . </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="127" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje a nova empregada jogou água no meu CPU achando que poderia lavar. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoListParagraph"> </div> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="128" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu fui reprovado em uma materia na faculdade, briguei com a minha namorada, meu avô foi atropelado e esta no hospital, e quando chego em casa vejo meu carro com o vidro quebrado e com o som roubado.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="129" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje viram meu pai andando pelado de moto dentro do condominio </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="130" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu ia sair com o meu namorado, me arrumei toda, e quando ele chegou para me buscar, perguntou: “não vai se arrumar?”. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="131" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje recebi uma ligação sobre uma entrevista de emprego que queria muito e é muito disputado. Quando a secretária ia falar as recomendações, minha irmã toma o telefone de mim, desliga e fala que precisava muito contar a mais nova fofoca pra amiga dela. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="132" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje acabei de receber minha impressora nova.Não prestei atenção na voltagem e ela queimou </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="133" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu em uma apresentação de teatro com todos da escola , pais, alunos e professores assistindo. Na cena que eu tinha que correr eu pisei no vestido e ele rasgou fiquei sem roupa na frente de todo mundo. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="134" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje, meu chefe me pegou jogando no computador por 4 horas. Ele foi gentil e disse que eu poderia continuar a jogar, mas que arrumasse minhas coisas e fosse embora quando terminasse.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="135" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje estava mostrando para minha mãe umas fotos da minha namorada que ela conhece há 2 anos e eu disse: “Olha mãe como ela é bonita!” Ela:”Eu não acho ela bonita. Prefiro a irmã dela.” Minha namorada tem 18. A irmã dela tem 12 anos. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="136" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha mãe me pegou fumando com uma turma de amigos. Ela fez eu comer o cigarro na frente de todo mundo. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="137" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha sobrinha de dois anos deixou um copo de café cair no meu colo. Para não sujar minha calça, no reflexo eu joguei de volta nela.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="138" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha namorada foi parar no hospital. Motivo: a circulação do dedo dela havia parado. Ontem eu dei a ela a aliança de namoro que ela tanto pedia. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="139" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">hoje fui encontrar um menino que conheci na internet, me arrumei toda, e cheguei no encontro. Ele me olha e diz: “ah, você é bem mais bonita por foto”. E vai embora. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="140" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje pelo MSN, perguntei pra uma garota se ela queria sair. Ela respondeu: “Quero sim, inclusive vou fazer isso agora mesmo. Tchau”. Ela SAIU do msn. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="141" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui no supermercado com minha mãe, estava distraída quando ela me grita “FILHA, VOCÊ PRECISA É TOMAR ISSO AQUI” sacudindo uma garrafa de activia. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="142" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje depois de uma transa louca com meu namorado ele me disse que eu era melhor que a amante dele. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="143" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje contei pra minha família que tenho vontades repentinas de me matar e todos olharam para mim e depois continuaram a conversar. Depois minha mãe me disse que me acha muito dramática. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="144" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha namorada terminou comigo pelo msn dizendo que sempre sonhou em namorar um cara de olhos verdes e que tinha achado esse cara. Meus olhos são verdes </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="145" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje na rua um cara muito lindo passou no meu lado e me deu um tapa na bunda, dizendo que queria transar comigo. Topei na hora, já que tenho 34 anos e não transo há 2 anos. O cara gritou “1° de abril!” e saiu correndo. Hoje nem é 1° de abril e ele levou minha carteira. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="146" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje o menino que eu estou ficando disse pra mim que quando eu estou com o cabelo preso eu pareço atriz pôrno, isso porque ele gosta de mim. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="147" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu pai disse que eu só vim ao mundo porque ele apostou com os amigos que pegaria a minha mãe. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="148" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje estava pegando um cara muito lindo, todo musculoso. Dai resolvi passar minha mão pelo “boneco” dele, quando ele vira e fala: “Não adianta gata, ele não sobe”, bateu as mãos nos musculos: “Muita bomba né?”. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="149" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu toda amorosa fui perguntar ao meu namorado se ele ainda me amava como ele sempre dizia, pois eu estava chata ultimamente, a unica resposta que tive foi: “Amor você é chata todo dia” </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="150" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje indo para a faculdade eu peguei carona com uma amiga e ao chegarmos eu comentei como a arquitetura da lá era feia e de mal gosto. O pai dela é o arquiteto que fez o projeto. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="151" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fomos almoçar na casa da minha avó, começamos a falar de virgindade pois minha irmã está gravida. Eu disse, pensando que eu ia agragar a minha avó que ainda sou virgem e ela disse: “imaginei mesmo, quem ia querer te comer?” </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="152" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje falei para a minha namorada que iria faltar o curso para ficar a tarde toda com ela. Ela, com muita naturalidade, diz: “E quem disse que eu quero ficar a tarde toda com você?!” </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="153" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha mãe saiu pra beber água,eu fui olhar o msn dela, ela havia me bloqueado.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="154" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fiquei bebada e achei que seria engraçado dar descarga num celular que achei dentro da privada. Depois de me divertir vendo ele ir embora, reparei que meu bolso estava vazio. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="155" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje uma amiga me ligou e ficamos conversando, conheci ela através de um ex namorado que eu ainda sou afim. No final da ligação ela diz que tem uma novidade. Eles vão casar e ela me chamou pra ser madrinha. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="156" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje entrei no meu formspring e tinha uma pergunta: ‘voce é magrela, feia, sem bunda e sem peito.. como se sente?’. Esqueceram de colocar anonimo e a pergunta era do meu namorado, namoramos a dois anos. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="157" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui tentar convencer minha namorada de fazer anal, afinal ela diz já ter tentado. Depois de muito insistir ela aceita falando: “ah, tudo bem. seu pinto é bem mais fino do que o do meu ex, talvez seja mais facil” . </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="158" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha mãe disse que sou irresponsável e egoísta. Tenho 18 anos e desde os 16 trabalho para pagar todas as contas de casa, inclusive o aluguel e o cabeleireiro dela. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="159" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui ao shopping com as minhas amigas, e passamos por um casal se amassando atrás da pilastra. Estaria tudo bem, se não fosse meu namorado com a minha irmã. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="160" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui na casa do meu namorado conhecer os pais deles. Quando estava saindo de lá, chamei o pai dele de ‘Billie’ , o nome do cachorro deles. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="161" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje parei para pensar: namoro a um ano e meio, não transo, parei minha faculdade, perdi meus amigos, não saio para as festas e ainda moro com a familia da minha namorada. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="162" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje coloquei um Band-Aid no meu rosto pois me cortei, meu pai me olhou e falou “isso filha, cobre o rosto inteiro com isso que você fica bonitinha. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="163" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje após transarmos, meu namorado veio com uma conversa de que quer aproveitar a vida e não sabe se é maduro o suficiente o nosso relacionamento. Ele disse que podemos terminar a qualquer momento, mas que não é para me preocupar e sim viver o presente. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="164" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje tenho um ‘buraco’ no cabelo porque meu irmão caçula achou que seria maneiro imitar um ritual de vudu e cortar toda a região da nuca com tesourinha de unha enquanto eu dormia. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="165" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje falei para o meu namorado que ele queria casar comigo somente pra transar toda a noite. Ele olha e me diz: “Na verdade, voce nem é gostosa”. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="166" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje descobri que o namoradinho safado da minha filha de 14 anos só tinha 13 anos e queria transar, fui avisar para o pai do garoto e ele me disse com maior orgulho: “Segure suas eguas que meu cavalo ta solto”. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="167" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje entrei no quarto da minha irmã de 15 anos e ela estava fazendo strip na cam. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="168" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu pai me botou de castigo sem sair e sem tv por 3 meses porque eu contei para o meu irmão que o Criss Angel não fazia mágica de verdade. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="169" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje estou sozinha em casa. Meu namorado mora a uma quadra daqui, e nao quer vir porque esta escutando o cd novo do Oasis que ele ganhou. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="170" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu fiquei muito gripado. Trabalhei o dia todo, e quando chego em casa, minha esposa diz: “Com esse cabelo e o nariz vermelho, você tá parecendo o Ronald McDonald.” Sou ruivo. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="171" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha namorada terminou comigo dizendo que achou um cara melhor de cama que eu. Esse cara por acaso é meu melhor amigo que até semana passada era virgem. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="172" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje mandei na janela errada do meu msn a frase “Huuuum, Adoro um pretinho”. O detalhe é que foi para o meu namorado, que é loiro e tem os olhos azuis. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="173" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu descobri que sou adotado. Aí o meu irmão, que é gay, resolveu dizer que sempre quis transar comigo. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="174" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje achei um bolo de notas de 50 reais na rua. Tinha mais de 1.000 reais! Fui comprar uma TV de LCD. Chegando na loja escolhi o modelo e ainda consegui um desconto porque ia pagar a vista. Quando fui pagar, a mulher chamou o gerente que chamou o segurança. Fui parar na delegacia: as notas eram falsas </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="175" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu pai me chamou pelo nome da cachorra daqui de casa, e eu briguei com ele. Então ele disse que nós duas somos filha dele que somos quase parecidas a única diferença é que ela obedece ele e não dá trabalho . </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="176" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje estava em uma boate conversando com um gatinho, rolou clima e a gente ficou.Passou um gay e mexeu com o menino, ele me largou lá e saiu de mão dada com o gay. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="177" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu namorado disse que quer terminar e que não me ama mais.Ele me afastou de todos meus amigos, me passou hpv, e ainda por cima me iludiu dizendo que iamos casar. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="178" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje Viajei 250kms com um amigo pra conhecer umas meninas. Chegando lá, passeamos, gastei uma fortuna na viagem, fomos pra casa dela e na hora de comê-la meu pinto não subiu. Ficamos a noite inteira ouvindo meu amigo metendo no outro quarto. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="179" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje como é o aniversario do meu namorado, fiz um bolo e preparei uma surpresa a ele. Como agradecimento, ele diz: “Preferia torta” </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="180" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fui em uma festa fantasiado de mulher. Na rua uns marginais me confundiram com um travesti e me espancaram. Para completar ainda bati o carro depois e tive que ir na polica vestindo uma minisaia e salto alto. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="181" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje descobri que a bateria do meu celular só funciona quando está recarregando na tomada, o que me transforma na única pessoa no mundo inteiro a ter um celular com fio. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="182" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje percebi que toda noite a minha namorada liga para o meu melhor amigo ao invés de ligar para mim. O pior é que ele é o ex namorado dela.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="183" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fiquei sabendo que os pais da garota que eu gosto acham que eu sou gay. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="184" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje estava indo escondida pra balada de madrugada enquanto minha mãe durmia. Teria corrido tudo bem como nas outras vezes, mas eu fiquei presa no elevador e quem me socorreu foi ela! </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="185" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje saí com meu namorado e tava esperando que ele me levasse num motel, por causa do clima que rolou ontem, então me arrumei toda e fui com a lingerie que ele gosta. Eis que resolvemos passar na casa de uns amigos antes, e ele resolveu ficar jogando RPG.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="186" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meus pais voltaram da Europa, meu irmão ganhou um Xbox360, minha irmã um IPhone e eu um chaverinho.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="187" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha namorada veio almoçar aqui e casa. Depois de comer, a mãe dela veio buscá-la, porque o EX namorado estava na casa dela e queria vê-la! </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="188" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu coloquei crédito no celular do meu namorado e ele passou o dia inteiro sem me ligar. Quando ligou, ligou a cobrar e completou: “meus créditos acabaram”. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="189" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje depois de 7 meses de namoro descubro que meu namorado é esquizofrênico. Ele estava falando e quando eu respondi, ele olho pra mim e pediu para eu ficar em silencio e deixar a moça falar. Não tinha ninguém no quarto. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="190" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje fiquei sabendo que meu pai gasta mais com banho e tosa do nosso poodle num mês do que me dá de mesada. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="191" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje perguntei para o meu namorado se ele se lembrava de como eu estava vestida quando nos conhecemos. Ele disse que a única coisa de que ele se lembra é que eu usava um sutiã com enchimento. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="192" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje eu trouxe um whisky para o meu namorado toda empolgada achando que ia aumentar seu apetite sexual. Fiquei linda e maravilhosa, ele ficou bêbado, olhou para minha cara, disse que eu tava esquisita e que tava com nojo de mim.Depois ele dormiu.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="193" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje pedi uma menina em namoro. Ela não aceitou porque uma amiga dela falou que eu tenho pinto pequeno. Essa amiga é minha irmã!</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="194" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu namorado liga desesperado dizendo que a mãe dele havia encontrado “nossas” camisinhas gozadas perto da cama. O que ele não se lembra é que tomo anticonsepcional há 2 meses e não usamos camisinhas desde então. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="195" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje minha namorada me deixou sem roupa, quando eu ia subir em cima dela e ela diz: “Não, ja me masturbei antes e não to afim”.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="196" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje no msn, contei para um amigo meu que precisava de um principe para minha festa de 15 anos.Ele me respondeu : “não sei onde você vai arrumar um cara gato, gostoso, legal, que tenha coragem de dançar com você.” </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="197" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje a garota que eu gosto me ligou dizendo que tinha uma coisa muito especial para me contar, lá em casa. Fiquei todo empolgado, me arrumei e tudo.Ela quis falar para toda família que ela está namorando com meu irmão.</span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="198" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje finalmente chegaram quatro livros que tinha comprado pela internet. Paguei 260 reais neles e precisava deles para terminar minha monografia. Minha mãe deixou meu primo de 5 anos abrir o pacote, mexer nos livros e “colorir” as páginas. </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="199" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">Hoje meu primo estava comentando comigo que estava achando que iria ter uma festa surpresa pra ele. Pois é, ele teve. Eu sou primo dele e não fui convidado.&nbsp; </span></li> </ol> <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"> </div> <ol start="200" type="1"> <li class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Arial&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;; font-size: 12pt;">&nbsp;Hoje fui comprar almoço para o meu namorado. Quando chego em casa a cadeira de rodinha escorrega para trás, e caio no chão e me machuco. Meu namorado olha e fala: “Ufa! Achei que tinha derrubado a comida”&nbsp;</span></li> </ol>Baguin de Gatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04116888206202976529noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7143170086046307002.post-58054973378952352702012-05-14T15:56:00.003-03:002012-05-14T15:56:58.807-03:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_35i7eOuns35v2TQ3hKIX7WkLhoE_LbMLZso6ekAh6iJ6BHSSvGSATkEp3tuIOuIQ1Lv1dPk1ic4-JuazKPBOGqKksYMkTvjTzSMm_2VLmV7fyihnwUMTmM-5bT3PiZu8ydu1VMJeQQwc/s1600/36543_10150797187828797_54673733796_9635816_728398867_n.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_35i7eOuns35v2TQ3hKIX7WkLhoE_LbMLZso6ekAh6iJ6BHSSvGSATkEp3tuIOuIQ1Lv1dPk1ic4-JuazKPBOGqKksYMkTvjTzSMm_2VLmV7fyihnwUMTmM-5bT3PiZu8ydu1VMJeQQwc/s400/36543_10150797187828797_54673733796_9635816_728398867_n.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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display: block; height: 291px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 350px;" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"> <i>Sena do filme "Todo mundo em Panico" só&nbsp;não&nbsp;me recordo qual, mas ri muito quando eu vi!</i></div> </div>Baguin de Gatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04116888206202976529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7143170086046307002.post-9094217555930981432012-05-05T13:39:00.002-03:002012-05-05T14:39:51.150-03:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBHKhIx-_Y_IxxSimNSLtWhcJApDoOTkxhnNc6ShukxMe0tsGlhyGtk8wvDDb3giK9CKLpZHeYUnl_auDso4pgv5yAh9uZP2epc78D5ZIbu2WXuGDM7Px0oDhOjCMf_wupTNtRWBAfMYoM/s1600/top_viloes_12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="162" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBHKhIx-_Y_IxxSimNSLtWhcJApDoOTkxhnNc6ShukxMe0tsGlhyGtk8wvDDb3giK9CKLpZHeYUnl_auDso4pgv5yAh9uZP2epc78D5ZIbu2WXuGDM7Px0oDhOjCMf_wupTNtRWBAfMYoM/s400/top_viloes_12.jpg" width="400" /></a></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <i>K.O</i></div>Baguin de Gatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04116888206202976529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7143170086046307002.post-48032799519298062562012-05-05T13:03:00.002-03:002012-05-05T13:03:34.111-03:00<br /> <div style="text-align: center;"> <img alt="" class="size-full wp-image-3245" height="183" src="http://www.minganei.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/ferro.gif" title="" width="245" /><img alt="" class="size-full wp-image-3244" height="183" src="http://www.minganei.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/capitao.gif" title="" width="245" /><img alt="" class="size-full wp-image-3243" height="183" src="http://www.minganei.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/thor.gif" title="" width="245" /><img alt="" class="size-full wp-image-3242" height="183" src="http://www.minganei.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/hulk.gif" title="" width="245" /></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> <i>No cinema mais&nbsp;próximo&nbsp;de você!</i></div>Baguin de Gatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04116888206202976529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7143170086046307002.post-89828748409434876722012-05-04T13:54:00.002-03:002012-05-04T14:21:07.807-03:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoLETj4wE75ZTpUUgYRuKDMXadPk2BrEI-HzBoNDBR97oJkiY-wF6mPz_lXv1jH85mIuZ3L4g2R7S92VPlngeesB7FoLyv1gKLZGA4kUopfVVfu6rmX3Hjl4JOH5DDMqJldVF9a7fRIrhY/s1600/nao-passaro-aviao.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoLETj4wE75ZTpUUgYRuKDMXadPk2BrEI-HzBoNDBR97oJkiY-wF6mPz_lXv1jH85mIuZ3L4g2R7S92VPlngeesB7FoLyv1gKLZGA4kUopfVVfu6rmX3Hjl4JOH5DDMqJldVF9a7fRIrhY/s1600/nao-passaro-aviao.jpg" /></a></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> ....Quem e ele?</div>Baguin de Gatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04116888206202976529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7143170086046307002.post-52447436708198837722012-04-01T12:14:00.002-03:002012-04-01T12:14:51.923-03:00<div style="text-align: center;"> <img height="291" src="http://gifs.gifbin.com/082011/1314012095_cats_playing.gif" width="400" /><br />...Onde quer que&nbsp;você&nbsp;se esconda, ele ira te&nbsp;encontra!</div>Baguin de Gatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04116888206202976529noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7143170086046307002.post-60980061290690915952012-04-01T11:04:00.003-03:002012-04-01T11:04:43.354-03:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; 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