Terry Bain | bainbooks.com

Links for 2009-09-11 [del.icio.us]

2009-09-12T00:00:00-07:00

Free IKEA Loft Bed

Links for 2009-08-19 [del.icio.us]

2009-08-20T00:00:00-07:00

For Lucy Kate. It’s Moo, Baa, La La La! We love... - Rumbly in my Tumbly
Terry Bain's Rumblr Tumblr Blog

Links for 2009-08-04 [del.icio.us]

2009-08-05T00:00:00-07:00

Cover her briefness in singing: An amazing mother, an amazing wife, a wonderful friend

Links for 2009-07-31 [del.icio.us]

2009-08-01T00:00:00-07:00

You'll love the book. Just trust me on this one. http://bit.ly/6HpGo

Links for 2009-07-30 [del.icio.us]

2009-07-31T00:00:00-07:00

Links for 2009-07-28 [del.icio.us]

2009-07-29T00:00:00-07:00

"Sukc it, typos." by @TerryBain - Twitter Tees by Threadless - Tweets on Tees. Awesome!
I have a confession to make, I didn't know anyone could see this stuff.
Tweet of the day (so far).
I might consider getting married a third time, just to be able to say I had a midwife.
Dang damn funny.
Phone Number For Tutone's 'Jenny' For Sale - Entertainment News Story - KIRO Seattle
I still call her, don't you?
True fatherhood begins at the moment you realize Calvin's Dad was awesome.
Awesome indeed.
I believe marriage should be defined as God intended it: Between a man and his Dairy Queen.

Links for 2009-07-27 [del.icio.us]

2009-07-28T00:00:00-07:00

BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Kelis to get baby money from Nas
Do shortened Ping.fm links have statistics yet?
Do shortened links have statistics yet? This would make ping three thousand times more useful to me. Anyone?

A Thing about Love

2009-04-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

Think about an old shoe that doesn’t fit you anymore. Or a boot that also doesn’t fit, but a boot that you once loved. Or think about something that you wear on your foot that is not a boot or a shoe. Think about a ring you wear on your pinkie toe that doesn’t hurt when you wear it, but you can feel it there anyway, and it reminds you of someone—maybe the person who gave it to you, or the person you were with when you bought it.

Think about how much you love the people behind you, the people in front. Think about them exchanging places, and what does that mean? There are also people to either side, and all around you. What about them? What if they stopped moving, just for a moment?

Think about how much attention you pay to listening. It doesn’t matter what you are listening to, or how much sense it is supposed to make. How much attention do you pay? Do you always know what that the sounds mean, what the words put together in a certain order do to your heart?

How much do you want to be loved? Imagine yourself loved, even if you have no evidence of being loved. The people all around you stop, for just a moment, and one of them loves you.

Imagine what peace it might bring to just let yourself be the human you are. You are human. Love is a defect of humanity. So you love. Love is something missing from us, so we create it, push it upward and outward and over the wall and hope it fills up the empty spaces on the other side of the wall and somehow spills back over to us.

Now imagine me beside you. All my defects and all of yours. Imagine me. Beside you or in front of you or behind you. Pushing upward and outward and over. Putting words together into a certain order that are supposed to mean that I love you.

There I am.

Rainyday | An Excerpt

2009-04-24T22:40:00.001-07:00

The ball you have hidden behind the garage for emergency retrieval when your people go out side for some other purpose is what is known as a Rainyday. You may forget that the Rainyday is there, but when you go outside your dogsense will remind you that there is something behind the garage, and you will retrieve it and bring it to your person who will say something such as “where did you get that ball?” This is known as a “What Does It Matter” comment, because you got the ball and What Does It Matter where it came from? It’s a Rainyday ball, and you will a ball means it is time to play ball, does it not?

Recently Written

2009-04-22T11:04:00.001-07:00

It was a prickly Spring day. A kind of golden humidity everywhere. A sticky creature of a humidity. Even here in the forest, where it was naturally cooler, I could feel the humidity, could practically smell it. Though that was probably just some new flower or cone opening up. Or a fungus spore. Or my allergies playing tricks with me again. But the early afternoon light that filtered in through the evergreens was definitely something special, something different than you see just anywhere.

Blogger

2009-04-22T10:59:00.000-07:00

Would somebody please tell me why I'm still using a blogger blog to ftp post my blog posts to my silly blog posty thingy? Honestly. Any ideas? Thanks. And blessings.

Before he left for work on the Monday morning

2009-04-17T16:17:00.001-07:00

An excerpt from what I've been writing today:

Before he left for work on the Monday morning that he disappeared, he gave me a small box, wrapped in gold paper. I was sitting at the dining room table, eating Cheerios and reading the comics.

“Happy Birthday, Jay.”

“Oh,” I said. “I thought we were doing gifts later on.”

“We are. But this is a special one. Just from me.”

“Should I open it now?”

“It’s up to you. You can open it now, or you can wait until I get home tonight.”

“Okay. I’ll wait.”

A big smile. He was always ready with a big smile. And then he ruffled my hair and said, “Happy Birthday. I’ll see you tonight.”

Stay tuned for more.

How to Know if the Tennis Ball is Yours

2009-04-16T14:53:00.001-07:00

I may have posted this here already, but I can't find it, so I'm posting it again.

If the tennis ball smells of you, especially of your mouth (of dry dog food and pizza and whatever was in that puddle you thought was water), then the tennis ball is yours.
If the tennis ball does not smell of you but smells of another dog (of canned dog food and hot dogs and whatever was in that puddle the other dog assumed was water), then the tennis ball is yours.
If the tennis ball does not smell of dog but the yellow tuft has been removed as if it was set between a pair of front paws and torn bit by bit, tuft by tuft, away from the rubber (you think it is rubber) underneath (even if the rubber has been compromised) then the tennis ball is yours.
If you have been photographed with the tennis ball, then the tennis ball is yours.
If the tennis ball is first noticed mid-flight or mid-bounce or otherwise mid-motion, then until further notice (since you will be able to notice nothing but the motion anyway until the tennis ball is safely in your grasp) the tennis ball is yours.
If the tennis ball is gray or any visible color of the dog rainbow (Violet, Indigo, Blue, Yellow, Red), then the tennis ball is yours.
In short, the tennis ball is yours. You are the one most able to make appropriate use of it. Nobody has ever been so joyful over the appearance of a tennis ball. Others may borrow the tennis ball for various, unimportant reasons, impossibly ridiculous reasons (such as the “game” known as “tennis”), but in the end, the ball belongs to you.

Enjoy.

Jenny Bent

2009-04-11T20:16:00.000-07:00

So a lot of people seem to be landing on my websiteblog whilst searching for information on "Jenny Bent." This likely has to do with her recent departure from Trident Media Group, and the establishment of her own agency: The Bent Agency.

If you're looking for Jenny because you need a top-notch agent for your book, I don't blame you. She's smart, enthusiastic, and wickedly good at what she does.

If you're interested, Jenny also has a blog, and you can follow her on Twitter.

Bent on Books | Jenny Bent at Twitter

Untwittering

2009-04-11T19:53:00.001-07:00

Okay. I'm tired of sending my Tweets to the blog.

So they stop for awhile. Until I change my mind again. Which seems to happen just often enough to never actually have to write blog entries. Totally self-inflicted.

Must be time to watch Chuck. Or write a novel. Or make myself invisible.

Tweets Digested

2009-04-09T23:20:00.001-07:00

Enviably Odd Book Title: Bucket of Tongues (ping.fm/KcIFe) #
Just heard the neighbor: "Up! Stay! Sit! Come here!" Dogs must understand human commands on a higher level of wtf. #
Watching girls chasing gulls enjoying a cheese nip. Doesn't even sound like a euphemism. #
Thin Mint cereal. You're welcome. #
8yo: "I want an understudy for my life so I could just take a day off." #
Happy Maundy! I mean, Thursdy! I mean, oh, dammit, never mind. I'm going to hell. #

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Tweets Digested

2009-04-08T23:20:00.001-07:00

Remember, you are dust. Because you are what you eat. #
When all else fails, blame a dingo. #
He amused himself while ironing by imagining it possible to iron ironically. #
11YO, opening Pokemon cards: "I got a Squirtle." Me: "You should probably change your pants." He was not amused. #

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Tweets Digested

2009-04-07T23:20:00.001-07:00

I'm not above overpromoting the Games Games Games Games Games T-shirt. (ping.fm/ZFwL2) #
Awake in opposite rooms. Maybe the baby would come tonight. Or a siren meant for him. Or a web page would finally load, revealing nothing. #
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, shame on the government for letting me be such a fool. #
What's up with the twitter tape delay? Is Janet Jackson on Twitter now? #
Kids on the playground are throwing shoes at each other. So far none of them have been detained. #
Right angles are not always correct. Don't tell me you weren't thinking it. #
Waiting wouldn't bother him if not for the other parents. This one did not bathe, that one called it soccer. All of them imbeciles at best. #
I write books, and I still want the Kindle to speak. (ping.fm/NzWKr) #

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Tweets Digested

2009-04-06T23:20:00.001-07:00

I pretty much stopped paying attention to the Supreme Court rulings after Diana Ross went solo. Is there a #rimshot button on Twitter yet? #
#rimshot bit.ly/rimshot #
Commence baseball. Remember, people. The ceiling of the Kingdome is considered "in play." #
I just want this tweet to trend high so I'm tagging it #lostavatar. Also #NCAA. And finally, #gravy. #
Remember Twiitter? Gawd, we had fun. #
Thin Mint shakes at Zip's in Spokane. Nothing but net. #
Once in awhile I hear a plane fly over and think "oh, that one is going down." I have been wrong 100% of the time. And glad of it. #
Some day I hope to be ironic enough to make ironic statements about irony. #
I'm not above overpromoting the "Games Games Games Games Games" T-shirt (ping.fm/lzvbz) #

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Tweets Digested

2009-04-05T23:20:00.001-07:00

If there was no such thing as sleep, I would have to invent it now. #
I'm taking your picture. Say "Cheese." I'm taking your temperature. Say "Aaaah." I'm taking your breath away. Say "Oh, yeah." #
Hot dogs fried in bacon fat. Cant decide. Best or worst parent ever? #

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Tweets Digested

2009-04-04T23:20:00.001-07:00

Visiting 6yo says, "My family is vegan, so I haven't had bacon since I was a kid." I'm calling CPS right now. #
Going to see Kenn Nesbitt today in support of his new book, "My Hippo Has the Hiccups." digg.com/u1Ct3 #
If I get 600 followers by 10am on April 5, Twitter will be down for 1 hour of planned maintenance. You shush now. #
At auntie's listening to @Kennnesbitt do his kidpoem thing. Fun. #
Was just given a sport bottle from bevytech. (bevytech.com/) #
I can and do attest, My Hippo Has the Hiccups is teh awesome wit de funny. (digg.com/u1Ct3) #

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Tweets Digested

2009-04-03T23:20:00.001-07:00

What am I supposed to call it if my actual cat has an actual nosebleed? And then what if it turns out to be bird blood from a recent kill? #
I hate when you all go to bed. Because then it's past my bedtime. And if I'm still up, I'm being naughty. Admittedly, naughty usually wins. #
I don't know why, but I really just wanted to try the diggbar. So I did. digg.com/u18k6 #
Trying diggbar one more time and then I promise back to the whatever-else-I-need-to-get-back-to. digg.com/u18lx #
#followfriday @rsmallbone is the funny #
rt @terrybain I think the only way I'm going to be able to get my attention today is to retweet myself. I'll let you know if it works. #
#followfriday You should follow @nick because I got my royalty statement today and, quite frankly, he could use all the help he can get. #
I don't know how many thumbs she has, but @melissasantos is damnably funny. I dare you to follow her. #followfriday #
Why is it so freakishly cold in my house? And why am I asking you? And what the hell are you doing in my house? #

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I'm Just Not Sure I Give a Damn about the Diggbar

2009-04-03T14:59:00.001-07:00

Actually, I'm kind of sure that I don't.

Her New Daddy by Tara Diggs

Tweets Digested

2009-04-02T23:20:00.001-07:00

Word of the day: mum. #
Kids' hamster continuously running in his wheel would be a great metaphor for something. I'll think of it tomorrow. Refresh Twitter. #
Holy Prince Rogers Nelson. April 2. Still snowing. #
I got it! The hamster spinning and spinning in his wheel reminds me of... dammit, I lost it again. Refresh twitter. #
Guy at Starbucks is selling tarps. Not TARP. Actual tarps. Maybe he knows something I don't. Time to get the hell out of this Starbucks. #
Incidentally, I now know way the hell more than I ever wanted to about tarps. (Difference between these two: one is green, one is brown.) #
For the rest of the day I intend to overuse the word "grommet." #
Sheesh. Mention tarps and the world offers to show your their grommet. #
"Are your grommets 100% aluminum?" God, I hope so. #
Let's try that again. "Mention tarps and the entire internet offers to show you their grommet." Now I feel better. Even if you don't. #
I'm starting to care less and less about verb noun agreement. Also caring less about what airports you tweet from on the way to or from SFO. #
Anyone know the purpose of girls' soccer team handing the ball around in a circle at the beginning of practice? Other than it's adorable? #
The cat is following me around the house. Don't know yet if that's a euphemism. But, euphemism or not, it's definitely a cat. #

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Tweets Digested

2009-04-01T23:20:00.001-07:00

Smile. You are about to go on stage. twitpic.com/2o9dp #
In the end, we're all WYSIWYG. #
Don't tell anyone. I knew the kitchen spray nozzle was taped. I do love those kids. #
11yo is writing a screenplay. Do our children eventually just eat us? #
To celebrate April Fool's Day, I have simply been myself all the livelong day. #
Hm. Instead of stars I appear to be giving pulsating gray bullets. Good one, Twitter! For a second I thought I was using PowerPoint! #

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Tweets Digested

2009-03-31T23:20:00.001-07:00

I lost two followers since yesterday! I must be doing something right! [548] Oh. By the way: #fuckcancer #
Kids are downstairs comparing our family to John Grogan's. This can't end well. johngroganbooks.com #
If y'all are yellin at @nick, y'all are carin' too much about @nick. Back to the hilarity, okay? #
Hi. #
Just trying to figure out this whole twitter thing. Hi again. Silly. #
Can I tweet about my dogs & cat if I actually wrote a dog and cat book? Published by Random House? Can I get a ruling on this? #NowImADouche #
Just got handed my hat in Wii boxing by a Mii wearing Tina Fey glasses. I could use a good cry now, okay? I'll be back later. #
✌ #
Tomorrow I'm going to handwrite all my tweets and draw little stars by them and post them on my refrigerator where they belong. #
This is Twitter. Enjoy. (twitter.com/) #
11yo "What?" 8yo "I said, I love my new shoes." 11yo "I thought you said, I love my issues." In my house, these are the only 2 options. #

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Tweets Digested

2009-03-30T23:20:00.001-07:00

Monday morning earworm: "I'm a little #tcot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout." You know the rest. #
There is no correct spelling for the sound a rimshot makes. So don't spell it at all, people. What? No, I... Dammit, is nothing sacred? #
Apparently the word "beer" does get my attention. I didn't salivate though, Pavlov. I mean, officer. #
Reading out loud before publishing can keep you from sounding stupid. The internet, however, seldom rewards this not-sounding-stupid-ness. #
My agent (@jennybent) shouts me out and posts about the "slush." Thanks, Jenny. ping.fm/fmNF7 #
Thanked our flying machine just arose. We're limning late onto Labraska. Don't know about you. M? Said it, Sailergrrl. #celebtweets #
Don't all the cool apps already do what new twitter.com/replies does? Pick it up or nobody will visit this silly website anymore. #
Shutting twitter off for awhile. Send a note by paper airplane if you need me. #
3yo: "Tom Sawyer! There's a frog on your head!" #
"This program is presented with limited commercial interruptions" is hulu code for "couldn't find actual sponsors for this stinking pile." #
Pardon me, but isn't every bar the genius bar? #
I don't even know what I'm trying to accomplish anymore, but it certainly isn't what I'm not accomplishing. #
How do I insulate myself from people reposting every cornflicker worm story on the internet? #

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Tweets Digested

2009-03-29T23:20:00.001-07:00

I think Hillebrand forgot to include the funny in this episode. #spongebob #
How to make child labor legal: put them all in girl scout uniforms. Yes, even the boys. Make sure you pay them fairly. In cookie dough. #
Marley and Me at the Garland. #
Does the word "goodnight" really trend that high on twitter every night? You people are lame. And by lame I mean "goodnight." #

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Tweets Digested

2009-03-28T23:20:00.001-07:00

If it bends, it's funny. If it breaks, it's not funny. If it breaks wind, it's funny again. #

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Tweets Digested

2009-03-27T23:20:00.001-07:00

Dear AT&T WiFi. I have not been connected for 23 hours. I connect to very few things for that long. Who do you think you are? Twitter? #
#followfriday #ruleofthree Smart. Funny. Stimulating. @blondediva11 #
RT @joeschmitt: I assume everyone [NOT] on my #followfriday list will rt to brag they [DIDN'T MAKE] the cut. tr.im/joesfollowfriday #
#followfriday #ruleofthree Hilarity. Quotablamity. Not an actual squirrel. @secretsquirrel #
#followfriday #ruleofthree 1. Happy birthday to you. 2. Happy birthday to you. 3. Etc. @sniffyjenkins #
#followfriday #ruleofthree 1. Hilarious "dart-through-head" pigeon! 2. Very Easy to type "tj." Even drunk. 3. Not an actual pigeon. @tj #
"I'm not in the book!" --Gopher tinyurl.com/cyelo6 #
I think my brain just ate everything I ever knew. #

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Tweets Digested

2009-03-26T23:20:00.001-07:00

#2busy2tweet Someone please hold up the Fail Whale for me, okay? #
Saying I don't know what begging question means without evidence that I don't, begs that everlovin' question. begthequestion.info/ #
He begged the question. He begged and begged. But it still wouldn't say more, wouldn't stray. The begged question: so faithful, so true. #

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Tweets Digested

2009-03-25T23:20:00.001-07:00

I was going to link a story on "5 Ways to Stop Procrastinating," but then I realized I might be the last person left on twitter. #add #
He looked up peripheral edema online and missed a meeting with his ex. Now he'd be missing her more, and his son too. Damn this swelling. #

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