traditional Chinese wedding

I nearly choked on the tea I was drinking. Just because it’s tradition and therefore it should be done? I wasn’t too convinced.

As with many things in life, I find tradition slightly suffocating at times, and try always to break through, or innovate. Yet, not every new ritual is easily accepted. Every day we face a choice of following what has already been done, versus what we would like to do. Even in writing a blog post, do we follow guidelines established over the years, or weave sentences the way we want?

Just how do we find a balance between the old and the new?

Blatantly, I dismissed my friend’s remark with a shrug, silently murmuring to myself at how boxed up her thoughts are. I wore the gown for some pre-wedding photos with my fiancé. In fact, he had seen photos of the gown and “approved” of my purchase even when I was shopping for a gown, as he’s a man steeped in the fashion industry.

I was quite happy. But still my friend’s remark lingers at the back of my mind as we plan for our wedding in May.

Raised in Hong Kong, and having lived all over the world, I bring with me Chinese traditions and an understanding of international ones. My fiancé is from Australia, and obviously there are practices to be respected from down under. I wonder then, when do we follow traditions, and when do we not?

I’m not too sure. On one hand, if there were no creations and breakaway from tradition, the society would not advance. If we had kept the tradition of not bathing safe for once a month, we’d all have perished due to foul hygiene and ill health as a result. And if Picasso had painted as all other artists before him, we would not have Impressionism, or any other kind of creative arts for that matter.

However, long standing traditions and culture such as etiquette, chivalry, manners, must exist for a reason? Other practices such as firecrackers for Chinese New Year, or giving gifts at Christmas all have a reason behind them. I respect the lucky symbolism of red in China and sending Christmas greetings to friends and family as The Three Wise Men once did when they visited Jesus in the little manger in Bethlehem.

Yet, when one implements traditions for the sake that it’s simply a tradition, I beg to differ. It seems to me, a blind worship without understanding the reasons behind why we must perform certain actions.

I resorted to my google search for “wedding traditions,” and was largely overwhelmed. From the Western side, there were things like the garter, wearing something borrowed and blue, the bridal party, leaving the gown undone till the day and tossing the bouquet etc. From the Chinese side, the list is longer than Rapunzel’s hair! Tea ceremony, seeds to throw at the bride, the red umbrella, combing of hair at midnight, the dowry, the gifts, the cookies, the traditional red gown, the blankets to use on wedding night…

Some had reasonable explanations behind them; others were mere superstition, as was prohibiting the groom to see the wedding gown before the wedding day.

Going through our pre-wedding photos, I had a good think about this balance between the old and the new, not only for our wedding, but also for other aspects of life in general.

When faced with the question of following tradition or not, I suggest a decision making / thinking process as follows to find the balance:

1. Find the reason behind the tradition
   Behind every tradition there must be an origin and reason. Research it, even if quickly, and find out why so as not to blindly follow a practice.

   If you agree with the reason, by all means follow it. If not, then you can make a choice.

   Either way, an informed decision is better than being led by the blind.

2. Decide how you would like to diverge, if so
   No reason to be rebellious just for the sake of it either. If you don’t want to follow a particular way, ask yourself why, and how you want to be different.

   Have a clear idea on what alternatives you would like to substitute the tradition with.

3. Trust in your reasons
   People might doubt your judgment, question your actions, and even criticize you as a result. Ignore them.

   Do what you believe is right for you.

4. Explain to those affected
   Inevitably, people around you could be affected and might not feel entirely happy with your decisions. Keep calm. Explain to them your rationale behind and hope they will understand, and if they don’t, well, it’s not anybody’s fault.

   Maintain communication to facilitate understanding and exchange of ideas amicably.

5. Just do it

   Then of course, heed to your decision.

My fiancé and I reached a consensus to follow the Western tradition of walking down the aisle in a white gown, because we think it is important for us to say our vows in front of our family and friends and show our commitment to each other. We will also arrange a Tea Ceremony as per Chinese ways with our family and relatives, where we kneel and pour tea for our parents, as a gesture of gratitude and respect for having brought us up with love and kindness as we set about a new life of our own.

As for the rest, well, if on the day we want some fun tossing the bouquet, we might. And if we decide that we won’t give any speeches at the dinner banquet, we won’t.

There is value in both the old and the new

Every circumstance is different and depends how we apply these traditions. Perhaps a blend is how we innovate and create, whilst maintaining harmony between generations and different thoughts.

In every day life, we continue to juxtapose between the traditions and ground breaking thoughts. Today we do not send hand written letters, but rather type out an email, or I have taken to free text messages via apps on my phone. Nonetheless, I find it heartwarming when once in a while, I receive snail mail, signed and sealed with paper and ink. What we do in each situation is unique but what is crucial is that we make up our own minds.

Find your own equilibrium between following conventions and crafting a way of your own.

What do you think about traditions? Did you have to break some or are you protecting them?
Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Keep the old and the new balanced!

Noch Noch worked in banking as an international executive for the last 7 years and had to quit her job last year due to major depression and severe migraines, and now reflecting on different recovery methods and how to be true to herself at “Be Me. Be Natural.” .

photo credit: amrufm

How does your breakfast look?

Often we are not hungry when we wake up. If we are trying to lose some weight we decide “I’ll just skip my breakfast. This way I will avoid at least 300 calories which will get me closer to my ideal weight.” (I know I made this mistake in the past.)

Unfortunately this diet strategy works completely against you. It makes you eat more during lunch and later that day, it also makes you crave high-energy (read: high in fat and refined carbs) foods. It also makes you moody and irritated.

Even those who are not trying to lose weight are still losing out when they skip breakfast. In the morning our bodies are getting out of the nighttime fast (just think about it, night is the longest period of starving for our body.) By afternoon glycogen supplies (molecules that work as primary energy sources for the body) start to deplete. By lunch you start feeling fatigued, you lose your focus and the ability to think fast and make decisions. Usually in this state you reach for a cup of coffee with a high-carb treat which makes your blood sugar levels shoot out of the roof only making you even more fatigued in an hour or so.

Here are just a few quick facts why a balanced breakfast is so important:

• Children and adults who eat breakfast perform better on tests, have better focus and concentration, they are also able to think faster and make faster decisions (Harvard University/Massachusetts General Hospital study)

• Eating breakfast improves your late-morning mood as well as has advantageous effects on satiety and cognitive performance (University of Health Sciences/Chicago Medical School)

• Eating breakfast keeps you thin. Not only a low-fat breakfast helps you lose weight but it keeps the scale from creeping up with years (National Weight Control Registry)

• Breakfast jump-starts your metabolism so that you can start metabolizing fat stored in your body (Duke University Medical School)

• Eating breakfast keeps the levels of “bad” LDL cholesterol lower protecting your ticker for years to come (October 2010 American Journal of Clinical Nutrition)

• People who typically eat breakfast also get more fiber, calcium, vitamins A and C, riboflavin, zinc and iron—and less fat and dietary cholesterol. Perhaps it’s because they often eat cereal, which is fortified with vitamins and minerals, and fruit, which is naturally nutrient-rich.

Balanced and fast Breakfast ideas

Breakfast as any other meal should be a balanced combination of nutrients that will give your body enough energy to go through the entire day. It’s important to include whole grains, fruits or vegetables, protein and healthy fats in your breakfast, but combining any two of these ingredients will still be a great choice.

One of the main reasons why people skip breakfast in the morning is because they do not have time to cook it. Most of us have more important things to do in the morning than cooking breakfast for 30 minutes. In the table below you can find examples of healthy breakfast foods. Combine ingredients from different columns to create a wholesome and balanced breakfast.

Low-fat protein: low-fat yogurt, Greek yogurt, eggs or egg whites (if you are watching your cholesterol you can mix 1 full egg with 2-3 egg whites or substitute for egg beaters), cottage cheese, peanut butter, skim milk or soy milk, smoked salmon, lean slices of meat and poultry.

Whole-grains: whole grain cereal (choose types that have at least 3 g of fiber per serving and not more than 9g of sugar), oatmeal, whole-grain bagel or piece of toast, whole-grain waffles, whole-grain pancakes.

Healthy fat: natural peanut butter (natural varieties do not have added hydrogenated oils or sugar), any nuts, avocado, ground flax seeds.

Produce: dried and fresh berries, (choose varieties with no added sugar) fruit, freshly squeezed juices, vegetables that you can add to your omelets.

Budget-friendly breakfast ideas

1. Yogurt parfait:
   layers of seasonal or frozen fruit and berries, granola and plain low-fat yogurt.
2. 1 whole-grain waffle with peanut butter (instead of syrup) and a few slices of fresh fruit or berries (strawberries, apples and bananas are my favorite.)
3. 1 hard-boiled egg, 1 whole-grain piece of toast with naturally sweetened fruit spread or butter.
4. 1 whole-grain bagel with low fat cream cheese and several fruit slices.
5. Whole grain cold cereal with low-fat/skim milk or soy milk.
6. Oatmeal with raisins, cinnamon and nuts.
7. 2% Greek yogurt sprinkled with toasted wheat germ or granola and with seasonal or frozen fruit.
8. Egg or egg-white sandwich: 2 pieces of whole-grain toast with a little bit of mayo or butter, 1 egg or 3 egg whites cooked in a non-stick pan with just a sprinkle of oil or butter.
9. 1 piece of whole-grain toast with Cheddar cheese melted o top of it (you can also add a piece of ham if you are craving meat in the morning.)
10. Scrambled eggs (2 eggs) with grits (1 cup cooked.)
11. Omelet with fresh vegetables.
    These vegetables usually taste excellent in omelets:
    spinach,
    bell peppers,
    tomatoes,
    broccoli,
    onions,
    mushrooms and they are budget-friendly as well.

    Sauté chopped vegetables in a little bit of vegetable oil (canola or grape seed oil are my favorites), then pour slightly-beaten eggs on top of it.

    Cover with a lid, reduce heat to medium low and cook until the eggs are set. Top the omelet with cheese if you want.




12. Fruit salad:
    cut-up fresh fruit that I have in the refrigerator, a handful of raisins and nuts. Sometimes I top it with 2 tablespoons of Greek yogurt. This is a great breakfast when you want to cleanse your system and detox your entire body.

    Even better: Use frozen fruit. Fresh fruit can be expensive especially in winter. Frozen fruit (no sugar or syrup added) are a real powerhouse of nutrients at a fraction of a cost. Most frozen fruit is picked at the peak of freshness and flash-frozen to seal all the vitamins and nutrients. Fresh fruit on the other hand can sit for weeks on trucks and in warehouses causing it to lose its nutrients (vitamin C is the first one to go.)

    For a healthy fruit salad thaw your favorite fruit or berries and mix them with a fresh banana, apple and nuts.




13. Overnight muesli.
    It is a great way to start your day because you do not have to cook anything in the morning. Mix everything the night before and in the morning you will have healthy breakfast for the entire family.
    Ingredients
    4 tablespoons old-fashioned rolled oats, (not quick-cooking or steel-cut)
    1 tablespoons dried cranberries or any other dried fruit (I like tropical mix)
    1 tablespoon nuts (I like walnuts, almonds, sunflower or pumpkin seeds)
    1 tablespoon wheat germ
    2 teaspoons honey or maple syrup (I use honey or syrup only for my little girls, my husband and I do not add any sweeteners or sugars)
    1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract (optional)
    1/8 teaspoon salt
    Choose 1:
    1) 1/4 cup low-fat plain yogurt with 1/4 cup unsweetened or fruit-juice-sweetened cranberry juice (you can use any other juice that you like)
    2) ½ cup of skim milk
    Directions:
    Mix all of the ingredients in a bowl, cover and refrigerate overnight.
    Tip: if you forgot to make this cereal in the evening you can still fix it in the morning, mix it with ½ cup of hot milk and let stand for 10 minutes.
14. Home-made granola cereal with skim milk.
    You can make big batches of this granola cereal every 2 or 3 weeks and enjoy healthy and super-fast breakfasts. Top it with berries or any seasonal fruit to make it even more delicious.
    6 cups old fashioned rolled oats
    ½ cup vegetable oil (I love walnut or almond oil, but you can use any other variety that you like. Olive oil is not the best choice for this cereal because it loses its healthy qualities when it is heated.)
    ½ cup agave nectar, honey or maple syrup (if honey is too thick you can mix it with ¼ cup warm water)
    ½ cup wheat germ
    1/3 cup wheat bran
    1/3 cup ground flax seed
    2/3 cup nuts (I usually use walnuts and almonds)
    1 cup raisins (you can also use cranberries, cut-up dried apricots, diced dates, tropical fruit mix, banana chips or any other dried fruit.)
    Directions:
    Preheat oven to 325 F. Mix all the ingredients in a big mixing bowl. Spread the mixture in 2 shallow baking trays and bake for 30 minutes stirring twice.
    Remove the mixture from the oven, allow to cool and transfer to an airtight container.
    
    Tip: put the trays on wet cold towels to cool the trays and stop the cereal from cooking.

    Important note: this cereal is not a low-calorie breakfast idea and you can easily pack on the pounds if you eat too much of it. To make this cereal less calorie dense you can mix it with 3-4 cups of uncooked old-fashioned rolled oats or toasted oats (spread 4 cups of oats on a cookie sheet and bake at 300 F for 20-30 minutes stirring twice.)

    Serve with skim milk and top with berries or bananas.

    Feel free to improvise with these two cereal recipes. You can add other grains (rye or barley flakes), mix in your favorite whole-grain cereal or puffed rice, add coconut flakes or sesame seeds for a tropical taste, add a dash of vanilla extract or a sprinkle of cinnamon. Work with the ingredients that are available in your area so that you can create a breakfast that you will look forward to.

15. Smoothie (great before runs or morning workouts)
    1 banana,
    1 cup skim milk/soy milk or plain low-fat yogurt,
    1 cup frozen berries,
    1 tablespoons of wheat germ,
    ½ tbs of ground flax seed and wheat bran each.
    Optional ingredients:
    1 teaspoon of instant coffee to help you wake up;
    1 tbs natural peanut butter to make smoothie more filling;
    ½ cup of cottage cheese – a great source of protein;
    ½ cup of ground oatmeal (put ¼ cup oatmeal in a dry blender and pulse it until the oatmeal turns into powder) – good source of fiber, protein and a great thickening agent if you are not using a banana or yogurt;
    1 cup fresh spinach – you won’t taste it but will reap all of its benefits.

    Blend all of the ingredients and enjoy!

Best drink to jumpstart your day

Most of us are used to drinking a big mug of coffee in the morning to wake up and start the day. I‘ve been a coffee drinker for many years but lately I’ve switched to a healthier alternative.

Coffee

Coffee is not necessarily a bad thing in the morning. After all it is packed with fiber, it has a nice taste, it helps you to wake up and according to some research it is even a heart healthy drink. I like coffee myself and usually drink it a few times a week.

However, if you start your day with coffee, then continue your mid-morning with another cup from Starbucks and order a few espressos during lunch then we have a problem. Instead of energizing you coffee starts robbing you of energy, it gives you a headache, constant feeling of nervous anxiety and agitation as well as makes you lose your focus at work and at home. Coffee is also a diuretic and it robs your body of vital water.

If you like to start your day with coffee then limit this drink to only 2 cups a day. This way you will get all the benefits without any negatives. Also for each cup of coffee that you drink you need to drink a glass of water double the size of your coffee cup to stay well-hydrated.

Lemon jump-start:

The first thing when you wake up, drink a big glass of water with lemon squeezed from a half lemon. It is recommended that the water should be warm but I personally can drink only cold water. This drink helps take a load off your lymphatic system, help cleanse your system and detoxify your liver cells.

The citrus smell is also very energizing so it will help you wake up in just a few minutes.

Lemon juice is also full off vitamin C which can boost your immune system and ward off stress (constant stress depletes your body’s supply of this essential vitamin.)
You can also rely on this drink during the day to keep your energy levels high.

Green tea:

Green tea has high levels of caffeine so it can be used instead of your morning mug of java.

According to various recent studies drinking green tea was reputed to be helpful in preventing or fighting cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, high cholesterol levels, cardiovascular disease, infection and impaired immune function.

If you drink decaffeinated green tea then you still get all the health benefits. However decaf is 50% less potent than original varieties.

Homework:

• What is your favorite Healthy Breakfast? Please share your recipes and ideas in the comments below.
• Starting tomorrow stick to a healthy breakfast every morning no matter how little time you have or how hungry you are.
• Share pictures of your favorite breakfast on BalanceInMe Facebook page

Keep it balanced!

Photo credit: ali edwards, terriseesthings

What is healthy eating? Even though this question seems simple the answers will vary greatly depending on who you ask. No wonder that eating healthy becomes very confusing for a normal person like you or me.

There are plenty of theories about healthy eating nowadays but most of them won’t work for you. A diet/nutrition plan created without consideration of your preferences, goals, budget and simple likes/dislikes is just a waste of time.

I personally don’t like turnips and celery and there is no way that I can tolerate anything slimy in nature (like boiled okra or runny eggs…yuck!) If somebody told me that I had to eat those items every day to stay healthy I would say “Forget it!”

If you want to create a healthy diet that you can stick to then you need to answer the following questions:

1. What is your budget?

Do you know how much you spend on food monthly? How much would you like to spend ideally?

In August I decided for the first time to track my monthly expenses. The number shocked me (to say the least!) Writing down every little thing that we were paying for made me realize how many useless purchases we were making (especially for food.) Obviously, eating out was the biggest problem but even grocery shopping was way too high for our family. In January we managed to cut our grocery expenses by 56% and I am very satisfied with the result.

When you are in a budget-saving mode you need to eliminate expenses that are not imperative to you. Obviously the budget will be different for every person and your healthy eating plan will depend upon it. For John from New York $200/week on groceries will look like a major cut back while for Jane from Alabama $75/week actually means splurging.

Homework: Start tracking your current food expenses and figure out your ideal budget. If you want to make this process a little faster download the Grocery Budget template and make a list of all your pantry, freezer and refrigerator staples. Include the prices and how often you buy them – this will give you a general idea of how much you are currently spending on food.

2. What are your personal considerations?

Make a list of all goals that you would like to achieve with healthy eating. Include your personal likes/ dislikes, food intolerances or allergies. A healthy eating plan should satisfy every single point on your list.

Right after you are done creating this list write down how you can achieve these goals.

I am lactose intolerant so obviously I have to consider this when creating my personal healthy eating plan. I used to buy lactose-free milk but I felt that my body still wasn’t processing it right. This month I am moving to soy milk (which I disliked most of my life) and am trying to acquire a taste for it.

If you feel that something isn’t working for your body then now is the time to try a different diet.

Here are some common considerations for you:

1. Gluten intolerance (Celiac disease) affects 1 in 133 Americans. Read the most common symptoms of gluten intolerance.
2. Lactose intolerance affects about 60% of the world population. The degree of intolerance differs greatly but you can read the most important facts and symptoms here.
3. Artificial sweeteners can cause allergic reactions and keep you from losing weight.
4. 9 out of 10 Americans eat too much salt every day, and many of them get more than twice the recommended amount (2300 mg or 1500mg according to the new guidelines.) High sodium intake increases chances of dying prematurely of any cause by 50%

3. What are your food preferences?

Going from eating pizza to munching on broccoli overnight is a recipe for disaster. In order to stick to your new diet you need to adjust it to your taste and your food preferences. Make a list of taste/items that you love and the list of items that you despise and can’t eat at any condition.

During the Healthy Eating on a Budget Challenge you will focus on making healthier choices to satisfy your taste and avoiding at all costs ingredients that you hate.

4. Where are you right now?

In order to make healthy eating changes you need to look critically at your current diet. What are the healthiest/unhealthiest meals that you eat? What changes will be the easiest ones to make?

Download a Food Diary template and commit to filling it out for the next few days. In the Notes section of the template analyze what you ate during the day, what choices were healthy and which ones not so much.

Also pay attention to how much money you spend on eating daily especially if you buy your lunch or coffee daily. All these little things make a big difference for your health and for your budget.

5. How are people around you involved in your healthy eating plan?

If you cook for the entire family then obviously you need to consider everybody’s tastes. Trying to fix 2 or 3 different meals to satisfy everybody’s preferences will be an absolute nightmare. Write down everything you need to remember about members of your family before you start the challenge. You can use the questions 2 through 4 to guide you through the process.

6. What is your personal idea of a healthy diet?

Take a look at all of the answers that you just wrote down. Where do they take you?

A lot of diets are based on extremes like

• eating very few carbs as opposed to being a carbohydrate-junky,
• going vegetarian or vegan as opposed to being a determined carnivore,
• eating only raw foods as opposed to eating highly processed foods,
• cooking everything from scratch as opposed to buying everything premade,
• eating no sugar at all as opposed to having sugary treats all day long,
• going low-to-no fat as opposed to devouring greasy foods all the time.

In order to make your healthy eating plan work you need to find a golden middle between these options. Don’t let fads influence your health choices but rather listen to your body and choose what is right for you. The next 30 days is the perfect time to try something new and if it doesn’t work for some reason, then you can always go back to your old lifestyle or try a different approach.

My personal take on healthy eating

If everything you just read still seems confusing then let me tell you what healthy eating on a budget means for me. Feel free to follow in my steps but I greatly recommend that you create your personal healthy eating plan.

1. I am not a vegetarian but I eat red meat once every 3-4 months, eat low fat poultry 2-3 times during the week, cook fish at least once a week (more if possible) and enjoy vegetarian meals the rest of the time.
2. For every meal I try to stick to the 4/1/1 carb/protein/fat ratio. I am not on a low carb diet but I choose carbs rich in fiber, whole grains and vegetables most of the time. Refined carbs (cookies, sugary cereals, white bread, candy etc.) are just occasional treats and not every-day staples.
3. I love sweets (and frankly speaking I couldn’t imagine my life without them until recently) but now I stick to natural “candy” (a few pieces of dried apricots, bananas and fruit low in sugar like apples and berries.) A few times a week I will treat myself to a small piece of dark chocolate or a small bowl of natural ice-cream (I can’t imagine my life without it even though I am lactose intolerant )
4. I don’t drink any soda or any other sweetened drinks. My favorite drinks are water, flavored green tea without sugar (hot or cold), an occasional glass of juice or a cup of black coffee.
5. I have a rule: every meal should have at least one green or brightly colored item in it. For breakfast I add frozen berries to my cereal, for lunch I have an apple or add a small salad to my meal and for dinner I always make vegetables the main ingredient.
6. 95% of the recipes that I use take 30 minutes or less to prepare. Anything longer than 30 minutes is cooked during the weekend when I have some extra time.
7. I avoid buying processed foods (like canned soup or pasta sauce) due to high contents of sodium and preservatives. However, I LOVE hot dogs (so does one of my girls) and I have this treat every once in a while (I choose turkey dogs with no nitrates added.) Some processed foods like thin-crust pizza (no pepperoni) and canned vegetables (corn, beans, peas etc.) are still staples in my house because they are easy, time-saving and pretty healthy.
8. I say a definite NO to:
   • artificial sweeteners;
   • High Fructose Corn Syrup;
   • Partially Hydrogenated or Hydrogenated Oils (trans fats);
   • grocery items with ingredient lists longer than 4 lines.
9. Vegetables are usually minimally processed in my house (sautéed or steamed for a few minute, sometimes grilled or roasted.)
10. Healthy fats (nuts, vegetable oils) are an essential part of my diet. I don’t cook low-to-no-fat meals however I limit the amount of saturated fat by using lean meats, avoiding heavy cream and enjoying butter sparingly.
11. I stick to all these rules only 90% of the time and enjoy myself (in moderation) the remaining ten.

It took me and my husband several years to come up with these diet guidelines but they work for us. If you decide to follow my example please pick only 1-2 habits at a time, otherwise you will be overwhelmed and disappointed.

A healthy balanced diet is a harmonious combination of all of the mentioned above factors without sacrifices that you can’t sustain for a lifetime. There is a healthy alternative pretty much for anything and with a little creativity and some research you will be able to find it.

Homework for the week:

• Answer the following questions:
  1. What is your budget? –use the Grocery Budget template
  2. What are your personal considerations?
  3. What are your food preferences?
  4. Where are you right now? – use the Food Diary template
  5. How are people around you involved in your healthy eating plan?
  6. What is your personal idea of a healthy diet?
• Based on these answers create your personal Healthy Eating Plan.
• Share your answers or your plan in the comments below.

Please remember that this is just the first “draft” and you will be updating it along the challenge.

Do you have any questions? Please ask them in the comments and start your question with QUESTION.

If you like this article and are enjoying this challenge please invite your friends or family members to join us. Please Tweet, Facebook or email the link to this article to your friends.

Keep it balanced!

P.S. If you made it here from Twitter, Facebook or a,link from friend, why not join our Healthy Eating on a Budget Challenge (HEBC)? This is part 2 of the challenge so you still have time to join our FREE challenge. Click here to join the Healthy Eating on a Budget Challenge.

Photo credit: dreamstime

Do you ever feel sapped of energy while trying to catch up with life as it moves at 90 miles an hour? Do you feel like no matter what you do, you’re always burdened with tasks and feeling sleep deprived? Time and energy “leaks” in your life may be the culprit.

Energy (a.k.a. your “will power”) and time are intimately related. When you deplete your energy, you reduce your ability to focus and thus accomplish the tasks in your life effectively. On the other hand, when you run out of time, you expend energy inefficiently as you try to rush through the things you need to do.

The energy and time “leaks” in your life consume your ability to get things done and feel fulfilled. These leaks exist in mental, physical, and emotional forms and they must be identified and “plugged” in order to become more productive. I, for example, suffered the following leaks: Feeling sluggish from sitting at my desk all day, reading and responding to mundane emails as they constantly stream in numbed my mind, and feeling bad about an argument I had with a coworker has been consuming my mind.

Leaks can be plugged by replacing thoughts and habits that suck energy and time with ones that make you more productive. Expanding upon the examples above, I plugged the leaks as follows:

1. Interrupting myself from work every 45 minutes and doing stretches, walking around the block, and listening to empowering music to psych me out of boredom
2. Limiting email-checking to only 2 times in the day so I’m not constantly bombarded with boring notes in my inbox
3. Having a heart-to-heart conversation with my colleague to resolve the issue

Another form of leakage that deserves its own category due to its particularly insidious nature is multitasking. Multitasking has often been promoted as an indication of high efficiency, but both statistics and common sense would say otherwise. True multitasking is nearly impossible. What most people do is a variation of multitasking in which one switches quickly between tasks. It is estimated that multitasking can consume about 40% of your productive time (based on a study conducted in Psychology Today).

Let’s think about this from a common sense perspective: it takes time to switch between tasks, and furthermore, the constant switching means that you will never be able to fully focus on any one task. True efficiency comes from specificity. Think about how our bodies are designed- we have several organs that each serve a specific purpose. We don’t think with our large intestines or speak with our leg muscles!

I often found myself multitasking by doing things that seemed rather innocent: reading while watching TV, typing while talking to my sister over the phone, texting someone while doing research on the web, and browsing multiple sites simultaneously with tabs in my web browser. How do YOU currently multitask? Once you’ve identified these “leaks,” stop and select the highest priority task to do now, while completing the others one by one.

Consider how the leaks in your life currently add to imbalance and lack of energy and time to do what really matters for you. Most people are unaware of how these leaks affect them and only see the results. Now that you know what can be consuming your time and energy, start plugging those leaks by replacing the counterproductive habits and thoughts with ones that serve you in a positive way.

Kristoph Matthewsis an entrepreneur and scientist, whose mission in life is to turn ideas into reality and inspire others to do the same. Find him on his blog UnSwampedLife.com: Become a Master of Your Time and Live a Life of Freedom and Purpose.

Photo credit: joshuaporter.co.ukHow to

Health one bite at a time

Every year, every month or every time that we overeat and feel bad after it we make a resolution to eat healthier. But how often do we keep that promise?

Sometimes we stick to a healthy plan until the next big family event. Or maybe until a party with delicious and diabolically tempting food. Or maybe until the next stressful day (and we have plenty of those.)

An easy and obviously important goal like healthy eating sometimes seems unrealistic to achieve.

At the beginning of the year I ran an annual BalanceInMe survey to see how balanced all of us are and the results are in.

The majority of the BalanceInMe community has trouble staying healthy and the results haven’t changed much from last year (if anything, in 2011 the number of those who couldn’t keep their health in balance increased by 3%.)

Isn’t it time to change this vicious cycle?

I invite you to join a Healthy Eating Challenge (it’s absolutely free.)

When it comes to improving health it’s best to start one step at a time and nutrition is the foremost and most vital step. Our bodies need balanced and high quality fuel to produce the energy that will help us deal with everyday tasks and stress, find power for exercise and keep all our vital systems humming in harmony.

Why is it so hard to eat healthy?

Eating healthy should be the most natural and easiest thing to do but in reality it’s quite the opposite. If you’ve tried to eat healthy before but didn’t succeed then you are not alone.

Healthy eating is hard today.

Our society and our lifestyles make healthy eating difficult. Let’s look at just a few factors.

1. Scientific confusion. If you’ve tried a healthy nutrition plan before then you probably got confused with all the information (often contradicting each other) that is available today.

   One day we hear that eggs are our worst enemies, the next day they are our best friends.

   One day we hear that vegetarianism is the healthiest way of living, next day we read studies that meat is vital for heart health.

   Some experts say that wheat products are okay to eat while others are screaming that it’s the cause of all evil.

   How can you not be confused with all this?
   
   What facts confuse you? Ask your questions in the comments so that we can find the truth.

2. Healthy eating is expensive. We all understand that if we could buy all things organic and use only high-buck nutrition power-houses then our health would be in perfect balance. I don’t know about you, but there are not many things that I can afford to buy organic before going bankrupt. And is organic eating really that good or is it just hype to make consumers, you and me, pay ten times more for a product that is worth only a few cents?

   Did you ever read a healthy recipe that is more expensive to fix from scratch than buy a meal for two at a restaurant? I did, and honestly, it’s very discouraging for a person who is just trying to eat healthy on a budget.

   Is it possible to eat healthy without ruining your family budget? Yes, it is and we will focus on it during our Healthy Eating Challenge.

3. Healthy eating (and mainly cooking) takes too much time. I have a question. What’s faster, going through a drive-through on the way home from work or fixing a healthy dinner from scratch?

   I would imagine that the drive-through would seem like the right answer to you but it doesn’t have to.

   So many healthy meals take only 10-20 minutes to cook and use cheap ingredients that are already in your pantry. The rule in my house is not to fix a meal during the work week that takes more than 20 minutes. I am sure that each one of us can find this time (even after the most stressful or busy day) to take care of our health and the health of our loved ones.

4. Healthy eating is not tasty. The tastiest things in the world are not healthy, it’s true. I wish a bowl of ice-cream were as healthy as steamed broccoli. Or a slice of pizza as nourishing as brown rice with steamed fish.

   We are hard wired into craving fatty, salty and sugary foods and there is no telling why God created us this way.

   BUT it is possible to acquire taste for healthy food and you can enjoy delicious meals without sacrificing the taste that you love.

   It’s a proven fact that we get addicted to unhealthy food (soda, fatty or salty foods, sugary deserts etc.) and the modern food industry does everything they can to put us on the hook. But just a month without this junk in your body will give your taste buds a complete makeover.

What challenges do you face when it comes to healthy eating?

Whether you are trying to eat healthier or you have accomplished this goal already and want to share your knowledge and experience with others, I invite you to join the 1 Month of Healthy Eating Challenge.

No matter how busy or laid back our lifestyles are we can all take a little bit of time for ourselves and do something nice for our bodies – nourish them with love, care and budget-friendly healthy meals.

What can I expect from the Challenge?

In order to make this month a success we all need to set specific goals that we will be working towards. This week please think of the goals that you would like to reach (lose weight, lower cholesterol, cut back on grocery bills etc.) and share your goals in the comments.

• Every week I will post one article that will focus on a healthy eating concept.
• Every few days I will post healthy recipes that I fix during the week and I would love for you to share yours (a lot of recipe sharing will be going on on Facebook.)
• Every week I will answer your questions about healthy eating (please start asking them in the comments and start each question with QUESTION: so that I can easily spot them.)
• We will commit to supporting each other and keeping each other accountable in the comments, on Facebook or in any other way.

When does the challenge start?

I know that we all need a little bit of time to get mentally prepared for a challenge (or finish a bucket of ice-cream in the freezer that might be too much of a temptation during the challenge, LOL.)

We will start the challenge in 1 week, on January 27th. Please mark this day on your calendar.

How do I join the 1 Month of Healthy Eating Challenge?

Joining us is easy.

1. Please leave a comment on this post introducing yourself and explaining
   
   • what challenges you are facing with healthy eating,
   • what goals you are trying to reach with a healthy meal plan,
   • what questions (if any) you have about healthy eating (please start a question with QUESTION so that I can easily spot them.)

2. If you are an expert on healthy living already please introduce yourself and tell us a few things about how you managed to stick to a healthy meal plan. We would love to have you here.
3. Please enter your name, email and preferences in the form below so that I can send you important information and motivation during the challenge.
   
4. Please LIKE BalanceInMe on Facebook because some of our conversations will be going on over there. I would love for all of us to share pictures and recipes of our favorite healthy meals on FB but we’ll get there later.
5. Do you know anyone who will enjoy and benefit from the challenge? Please share this post with your friends. The more people who will join us the more fun this challenge will be.
6. Please remember that this challenge is absolutely FREE. All you need is the desire to transform your eating habits, learn new healthy-tasty recipes and have fun along the way.

See you on January 27th here on BalanceInMe.

Keep it balanced!

Photo credit: andi.vs.zf

Find the power within

We all have goals/dreams that we say “I really want to do this. This is THE THING for me.” However, whenever we think about these goals we always find a reason why it is not the right time to start working towards them. This goal can be as big as writing a bestseller , as trivial as starting a healthy lifestyle or as painful as getting over a nagging family conflict.

When I first opened BalanceInMe I really didn’t have a plan on how to run it or what to write about. The design was horrible. My writing was not much better and frankly speaking as I look back to those days I didn’t have many chances of surviving as a blogger and realizing my dream of touching the lives of thousands of people.
However, I was lucky because I chose a topic for the blog that helped me improve as well. My passion for balanced living empowered me to become a better writer, to get over my fears and to be grateful for the most bitter critique (one of the top bloggers reviewed my site back in those days and his reaction was “It’s horrible all over.”)

How do you fuel your goal or your motivation towards joyous and fulfilling living?

Self-empowerment is one of the most powerful tools that we have in our arsenal. Sometimes we don’t realize that we have this ammunition and it takes a while to get the hang of it but the results are always amazing.

• Who knows you better than you?
• Who understands your goals better than you?
• Who knows what you are going through better than you?
• Who knows what obstacles stand in your way better than you?

Nobody.

When you look at the lives of successful people they all have one trait in common: they can empower themselves to do whatever they set their minds to.

• Did anyone show Thomas Edison how to invent a light bulb? Or do you think that he had a coach standing behind his back and saying after each failed attempt “It’s okay, you’ll do better next time.”
• Did Gretchen Rubin create her Happiness Project based on someone else’s needs?
• Did Steve Jobs or Bill Gates have someone telling them “You are working on the future. Even if no one understands you right now you’ll be a billionaire one day, guaranteed.”

All of these people (and many more) know how to empower themselves to live their lives with meaning, passion and accomplishment. Here are the 5 most important lessons that anyone can use to empower their best self:

1. Grow in life

Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.
Chinese Proverb

Growth is a vital ingredient of balanced living but too often we find a comfortable spot in life and we refuse to take any more steps forward. Just because you are 25 or 65 doesn’t mean that you have to stop growing in life. Every day we make choices, every day we face challenges and obstacles and each one of them is an opportunity to improve and grow in life.

Self-empowered people take every chance they have to grow and they are not afraid of busting through a few ceilings while getting out of the ordinary spaces.

2. Stand your ground

What do you believe in in life? What foundation is your life built on?

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Eph. 6:13

We all have things that we whole-heartedly believe in and put at the top of our priority list. It is family for some, work and career for others, God for somebody else etc. Sometimes, however, we allow circumstances, excuses or fears to shake our grounds and beliefs.

The power to do something amazing in life comes from the confidence in yourself and in your beliefs. If I tell you that I am not sure that life balance is important then will you be empowered by any of my posts? Or will I be able to live a balanced life if I am not confident in its vital value for me.

Self empowered people know what they stand for and they prove with their life and each action the importance of their beliefs.

3. Focus on your future, learn from your past

One of the biggest dream and goal – killers in life are past mistakes. The longer you live and the more mistakes you (naturally) accumulate the more difficult it gets to go past them.

• A person who had several failed relationships will be very hesitant to start a new one because they are not sure they are the “relationship-type.”
• A person who was fired from his/her job would be more critical of his/her business ideas.
• Even a girl who had an unsuccessful weight loss experience will convince herself that she is just born to be overweight and unhealthy and nothing can change that.

Self-empowerment is what you need to get past obstacles in life. Whatever happened in the past doesn’t matter as long as you analyzed the situation and learned to use it for your future.

• If your former relationships didn’t work out then think if there is a particular trait in you that keeps you from finding your second half.
• If you had disagreements with your boss then think how you can use his comments to become better at your job or find a field that is more suitable for you.
• If you failed to lose weight then ask yourself if you chose the right strategy to do so.

Aaron Patzer, a creator of Mint.com – free personal finance management software – had trouble finding investors for his project.

Investors in [Silicon] Valley have seen hundreds or thousands of proposals from eager young entrepreneurs — so when they give a flat-out no, or worse, tell you your idea will never take off, it’s pretty disheartening. I continued to build what I knew was a good solution, and when I got really down I listened to Frank Sinatra’s “That’s Life” and got back in the game. Once I got my first yes, it was game on.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Albert Einstein

Self-empowerment helps you build your future but you can’t be dwelling on your past at the same time.

4. Be yourself

Did you know that you have a super power? Your personality is the unique and enormously efficient super power that you can use to transform your life. Nobody else has the personality that you have. Nobody else has a unique combination of traits and thinking patterns that help you come up with ideas, make decisions and live an empowered and empowering life.

Tony Hsieh (CEO of Zappos) in his interview to Enterpreneur.com said:

A lot of people [act] different on the weekends versus the office. It’s like they leave a big part of themselves at home. We encourage our employees to be themselves. We want them to be the same person at home and the office.

Empowering employees helps Zappos to be a gold standard for customer service as well as company culture.

Self empowered people use their uniqueness at home and at work and leverage it to build their best life and make a difference in the world.

5. Learn

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Mohandas Gandhi

Knowledge is the propeller of success and happiness. The minute you decide that you know it all you give room to arrogance and pride both of which force you to make stupid decisions in life.

Life doesn’t stop for a minute and knowledge that we can absorb does not end either. Only if you learn something new every day you can see new opportunities and embrace all possibilities.

Only if you learn you can use your past experiences to propel you into the future rather than drag you down into nostalgia and reminiscence.

Only if you learn you can empower yourself for bold actions and balanced living.

If you seek balance and empowerment in life then I want to encourage you to check out the Empowerment Pack. It is a perfect way for you to continue learning from the best coaches, motivational speakers and entrepreneurs who devoted their lives to empowering people like you for meaningful and successful living.

The Empowerment Pack consists of 25 self-improvement and personal growth products worth over $1000. For 3 days only (starting Jan 16th at 9.00 am EST) you will be able to get all of these empowering resources for only $97 (a 90% discount!)

Click here to check out all of the empowering resources included in the Empowerment Pack.

Keep it balanced!

P.S. If you were considering buying Reclaim Your Life course then now is the best time to do that. Reclaim Your Life is included in the Empowerment Pack so you can get it (with 1 month of free email coaching from me) as well as 24 other resources at a great discount. Don’t miss it!

Tess Marshall

Three years ago I moved to the US not quite comprehending that living here will depend on my ability to drive. I drove a few times in Ukraine (my native country) but I was never an independent driver. When the plane landed and my in-laws picked all of us up we drove down a huge 5-lane interstate with a 70mph speed limit in rush hour. I was terrified.

Thankfully my husband was very patient with me while teaching me how to drive. In Ukraine I drove a tiny VW Rabbit and in the US I had to get used to a ginormous Toyota 4Runner (at least that’s how it seemed to me back then.) I was terrified of getting out on the road in this huge tank that I felt I had no control of. And most importantly I was afraid of other cars on the road (every time a jacked up Ford F-350 flew by I felt my heart sink into my heels.) I couldn’t even imagine taking my girls (the most precious cargo) anywhere in the car by myself.

It took me two years to start driving independently. Some might call me a slow learner but it was the time I needed to overcome my fear and become comfortable behind the wheel of a car.

Do you have fears that you have to overcome?

Some of our fears are obvious (like mine) but others can disguise themselves as excuses, traditions, habits and many other things. If I hadn’t learned to drive a car then I obviously couldn’t have survived normally in the US (unless my husband and I struck oil and we could hire a private chauffeur to take me anywhere.) I had no choice but overcome this fear.

Overcoming some fears is not imperative to our survival though (like a fear of public speaking – the number 1 fear or a fear of starting your own business.) However living with those fears robs us of the possibilities that we are capable of, it robs of realizing our potential and living a bold and fulfilling life.

A friend of mine, Tess Marshall of The Bold Life, had her share of fears in life. As a personal coach and therapist she decided to put her knowledge and experience into one extensive e-course Take Your Fear and Shove It that could help anyone overcome their fears (no matter how obvious or hidden they are.) I wanted to invite her here, to Balance In Me, to share her most valuable advice about conquering fears and living a bold and bright life.

1. Tess, what was the biggest fear that you managed to overcome? How did you do it?

My dad had an 8th grade education and my mom a 6th grade. My nine siblings and I grew up on a farm. Going to college wasn’t discussed as a possibility, ever. I got married when I was 17 and pregnant, was the mom to 4 little girls by age 22.

The priest at our church saw something in me nobody else had before. He suggested that I attend the local college when the twins went to kindergarten. I was 27 by that time and I was so terrified that he went with me and helped me sign up for my first two classes, Speed Reading and How to Study.

It took me nine years to finish by taking a couple classes each semester while raising the girls! I then went on to get my master’s degree in counseling psychology and two years after graduation, as a therapist began building my private practice.

That one decision to overcome the fear of not being capable to attend college was beyond life-changing!

2. Why did you decide to create a course about Fear? Why do people need it?

Everyone is afraid, that’s normal. However due to our economic times, more people than ever, fear the future, fear losing a job or never finding one. The list goes on.
In order to change ourselves, believe in our future again, and make the world a better place – we have to get over our fears and use our talents and gifts. It’s imperative! Instead of asking, “When will things change?” we need to ask, “When will I change so I can become part of the solution?”

The first change we can make is learning to overcome fear!

3. A lot of people don’t think that they have fears in life. Do you have a quick method to identify “hidden” fears that sabotage happy and bold living?

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have fear. They are either subconscious or they don’t want to admit or talk about them. We’re wired for fear, it’s genetic.

4. Tess, can you share your favorite technique of fighting fear in life?

When I fight my fear I don’t get anywhere. It’s like denying it. We become fearful by identifying with our negative thoughts. When you reexamine your beliefs to see where the thought is coming from it keeps you from staying stuck in action and fear.

I have two core beliefs and most of my fears fall under one or another. They both come from being the sixth child in a family of ten children. One is, “I’m going to be left behind” and the other is “There’s not enough for me.” Makes sense, doesn’t it?

As soon as I can identify which belief my fear is coming from, my fear has lost some of its power over me. I’m a creative person, my favorite technique is to write down my fear with my dominant hand and ask a question about it. Then I switch my pen in my non-dominant hand and answer the question with the first thing that comes to mind. (It’s sloppy looking, like that of a child’s). The answer is usually very powerful.

The exercise sounds simple enough but most people won’t do it. On some level it scares them, as if they fear the answer.

I have a morning routine that consists of many exercises. I describe each exercise I do in, Take Your Fear and Shove It!

The course has over 100 different techniques and action steps to overcome fear. If you don’t like one, you can try another. It’s set up so you can refer back to it again and again.

5. How can you keep fears from coming back into your life?

Once you work through a particular fear and it comes back again, you can identify it and remind yourself that you’ve already dealt with it. Then simply breathe through the fear.

On the other hand think of an iceberg. The ice you see above the water is your conscious mind. The ice you can’t see hidden under the water, is your subconscious fear. It runs deeper than you think. It means you have more work to do around that particular fear.

Helen Keller said,

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature…. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”

None of us are ever safe. We create the concept of it and believe it in order to feel safe. Safety is a superstition or an illusion. What is real is uncertainty. What is real is the unknown.

We have no idea what the next minute, hour, day or year will bring. Somebody will get in an accident, get sick or die. Somebody will lose a job or a lover. Anything can happen. A superstition of safety allows us to function in our world.

Humans like to live in the pain of the past or the fear of the future. I like to live in the present moment as much as possible. Like Helen Keller, I would rather have my life be a daring adventure rather than nothing!

What fears are you trying to overcome? Ask your questions and Tess and I will be happy to answer them.

And don’t forget to find out more about Take Your Fear and Shove It! It’s a great course and I wish I had it when I was learning to drive a car Maybe it could have cut my learning period to normal two months instead of two years.

P.S. The BalanceInMe 2011 Survey is till on. Please click here to share your life balance experience in 2011 and download a free 10-minute Balance Workout.

Are you looking for life balance too?

For a second imagine that you are in a huge thick forest with birds chirping over your head, nice breeze running through your hair and warm sun rays playing on your hands and face. There is a huge oak tree in this forest and one day two acorns fell off of it.

One acorn hit the rock and ricocheted towards a nearby stream, went downstream and finally fell into fertile soil on a nice open clearing. The acorn sprouted roots and grew into a mighty oak tree even stronger than its “father.”

Another acorn fell on the ground and one day strong wind picked it up, dragged it across the forest until it reached a cliff. The acorn fell down but fortunately got stuck between two huge boulders in a little piece of dirt. It sprouted roots too and started growing slowly every day enduring harsh winds, ruthless sun and constant lack of nutrition. It grew into a crooked dwarfish tree that was weak. The bigger the tree grew the more nutrition and support it needed however there was not enough soil between those boulders to provide for its needs. The oak started withering down and losing its strength until one day a strong wind finally broke it.

If you look at both of the trees one would seem like a true masterpiece of nature: harmonious and balanced. The other one will look like a feat of survival doomed to lose its balance from the first days it started growing.

In life we can also maintain two types of balance: one balance is grounded, solid, peaceful and fulfilling. The other balance we maintain just to get by but any unfavorable circumstances can easily knock us down and send us over a cliff.

What type of balance are you living in right now?

Sometimes it’s very difficult to realize what type of balance you are living in right now but it is vital for your own sake and of the ones you love to discover if you are just maintaining a flimsy temporary equilibrium rather than solid balance.

The other night my husband and I stumbled across a TV show called Hoarders on A&E. I was shocked to see how some people can live in 3-5 feet of clutter, junk and old moldy trash distributed in an even layer across the entire house. There is no way to walk around the house, they sleep on piles of old clothes and boxes, their bathrooms looks so disgusting that it is unsanitary even to walk into them. And somehow these people think that they are living a normal life and are taken by surprise when someone reports their house to the authorities. Then of course they face eviction, loss of parenting rights and bankruptcy.

No matter how surprising this might seem these people live in their own type of reality, their own version of “balance.” Over time they get used to the look of their house, they choose not to communicate with other people (so that they don’t feel ashamed of their living conditions and lifestyle) and believe that it’s just a temporary mess in their house that they can clean up any time.

The only time when these people realize that they have a problem is when a major crisis occurs in their family. Somebody gets sick but the paramedics can’t get vitally important equipment to the patient in time. The house gets taken over by bed bugs and the entire family (including small kids) is forced to live in a tent outside because the exterminators can’t treat the house. Or they simply get a notice that the house is condemned and they will be evicted within 30 days unless they “dejunkify” their living space.

When you are living your life with the wrong type of balance a major crisis is the only thing that will show you the reality of your situation. But why take the matters so far if you can find the right type of balance right now?

Of course hoarding is not the only example of unhealthy balance. Consider the following situation:

1. Perfectionism – simple joys stop bringing pleasure into your life because you are so focused on the “perfect” that you can’t see past the not perfectly dusted furniture or having a clean car all the time. The “perfect” balance is all about going by the rules that you have created. If someone does something differently you get mad and frustrated. If you fall short of your own expectations (and it happens pretty often) then you feel depressed and upset at the entire world.

   Perfectionists often seek a “mathematical” balance. They believe that each area of their lives should be equally developed or should reach an “ideal” balance. This concept is impossible in real life and I have written several times already on why it is harmful to your well-being.

2. Work – workaholism is obviously the most common unbalanced approach to life but there are others.

   Some people complain that they are not treated right at work but at the same time they are the ones who have no ambitions and never try to be part of a team.

   Others complain that they are not satisfied with their job but when someone mentions to them to look for another job or start their own business they immediately find an excuse why it’s impossible for them (the most common one is “it’s just not for me.”)

   Unfortunately, the crisis that a lot of these “balanced” people face is losing their job. Why take the matters so far? Rethink your problems at work and find the real reason behind them.

3. Poor relationships. I’ve heard so many people say “It’s difficult for me to make friends because people don’t like me or they don’t want to be my friend.” As a result these people choose a secluded lifestyle with few to no friends and a very bitter attitude.

   If you want to make friends or be a better friend then you are the one who has to make the first step. If you move to a new neighborhood go ahead and introduce yourself to the neighbors, invite them over for a grill-out or a cup of coffee.

   My husband and I were talking once about not having enough young family activities at our church. But then it dawned on us, why do we expect someone else to organize an activity that we want? If we are really that anxious about meeting new people then we are the ones who have to make the first step by inviting them over or organizing a movie night (and since both my husband and I are introverts entertaining is not our thing, to say the least.) Once our approach was changed we met a lot of wonderful people who we are proud to call friends.

4. Dating/marriage problems. This one is a biggie. So many people choose to live in unbalanced relationships because they are afraid to be alone or they don’t have the courage to talk honestly with their partners. It’s so much easier to say “It’s my partner’s fault that our relationship is suffering so much” but do we always do 100%, 120% to preserve the love and romance? This frustration over time leads to a loss of trust, jealousy, anger and even gives room to addictions.

   Others have trouble finding the love of their life but they are not doing anything to be the person that can be loved. They hang out at bars and hope to meet the right person there. They don’t ask people that they like out on a date but rather live off the “hints”, “looks” and assumptions. They don’t take care of themselves but somehow want to date a supermodel. They can’t communicate without arguing or interrogating and then they complain that the other person doesn’t understand them.

5. Money. With the economy being so unstable these days a lot of people have reevaluated their finances. So many of us got used to living off credit that they consider it a norm. But once they lose their job, have an unexpected expense or realize that they simply can’t maintain their lifestyle any more they find themselves in a heap of trouble. A life that seemed so balanced and structured all of a sudden turns into a chase to pay off credit card bills. Life turns into a never-ending nightmare with many zeros behind it. They lose their freedom and they are forced to live in a rat race.
6. Health. Did you ever find an excuse to justify an unhealthy habit? I did, many times, unfortunately. When I smoked I thought that it was just normal because everyone else around me was doing it. When I refused to try running I was telling myself “It’s just not for me, it’s too boring.” When I tried crash diets and skipped breakfast continuously (both of which messed up my stomach) I was thinking “I’ll be fine. I’m different from everyone else, it will work for me.” (Of course it didn’t!)

   It’s easy to live a life of elusive balance and poor health but one day all the bad choices that you made in life will catch up with you. As a Pilates instructor I teach clients of different age and different fitness levels. The most amazing and inspiring part about being a Pilates instructor for me is seeing older people (in their 70s and 80s) doing Pilates faithfully week after week. A lot of them have arthritis, knee and hip replacements, fibromyalgia, osteoporosis and a hundred more conditions, and yet every morning they get up and make a decision to keep moving and doing everything they can to live healthy. If they can do it, then why can’t we?

No matter how balanced or unbalanced you feel your life is I am asking you to reevaluate your life today. Are you a strong oak tree or a stunted one that will be knocked down into the abyss with the next gust of wind?

The only way to live a truly balanced life is to keep challenging yourself and improving yourself. Take a look at what your life looks like and what you want it to look like. You are the only one responsible for your life, your achievements and failures. Your boss, partner, colleagues and family members have nothing to do with your life choices. Accept this fact today and start improving yourself to be a better parent, friend, partner, employee or business owner, neighbor, daughter or son, and person.

Benjamin Franklin at the age of 20 set his life-long goal of achieving moral perfection. He made a list of 13 virtues to live by daily. He always carried a little notebook with him that contained charts consisting of a column for each day of the week and a row corresponding to each virtue. At the end of each day he placed a dot next to each virtue that he violated. The goal was to minimize those dots thus indicating a “clean” life free of vices.

He kept this notebook until his last days however he never achieved perfection. One would think that it was a wasted attempt but here is how Benjamin Franklin put it himself:

Tho’ I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavor, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it. ~Benjamin Franklin

A balanced life is one that you keep improving constantly no matter how easy or difficult it might be at times. If you live in balance that is not going anywhere and is not making you a better person every day then you are lost.

It is time to make 2012 the year of improvement, change, breaking out of stagnant zones and balance and I am here to help you in any way I can.

Keep it balanced!

P.S. It is time for the annual Life Balance Survey. Please click here to answer 6 simple questions that will make BalanceInMe more targeted to your needs. When you fill out the survey you will be able to download a free 10-minute Balance Workout that will improve your coordination, challenge your balance and tone your body. Thank you for being part of our balanced community!

Photo credit: FLASHFLOOD, alexbip, Rob Watling

Did you ever have to think of a last-minute present? It’s stressful!

Maybe you got really busy at work and completely forgot to order the gift.

Maybe your gift can’t be delivered on time (it happened to me before.)

Or maybe the gift that you carefully picked out is simply not available at the stores right now (I wanted to give my husband a pair of running shoes one year and of course none of the nearby stores carries his size.)

And maybe sometimes you just want to give something extra special to a person you love but no matter how many sleepless nights you spend thinking about the present you still can’t come up with anything even remotely close to the perfect gift.

If you are in this situation this year then I have several very interesting and balanced gift ideas that I would like to share with you. Even if you got all presents under the tree already you can still keep reading to see if there is something that you want to give yourself this season (after all, taking care of yourself is a vitally important part of living a life of balance.)

1. The gift of farm-fresh produce. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to get a bushel of farm fresh produce every week? You know that tomatoes that you get were on the vine just a few hours ago versus a few weeks ago. The fruit that you get is ripe and has just been picked versus being sprayed with chemicals to keep it looking pretty and fresh for weeks in a row. CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) is a wonderful gift that will keep your loved ones healthy all year long. Go to Local Harvest (US), Making Local Foods Work (UK) or Food Connect (Australia) to find a farm new you. Call the farm today or order an online gift certificate that you can print and display under or on the Christmas tree.
2. National park membership. What can be better than spending time in nature? In my opinion nothing can bring you more balance than just a few minutes outside. A lot of national parks, refuges and botanical gardens offer annual passes that will let you (or your loved ones) enjoy peaceful minutes in nature any time of the day or year.

   How wonderful will it be to go camping with your family during the weekend?

   Do you feel stressed out after a long day at work? – Just get in your car and go for a relaxing walk under century old trees … Peace and serenity…

   Check online if your state offers park memberships (South Carolina – the state where I live – offers an annual family membership for just $50.)

3. Digital subscription. Do you want to help your loved ones transform their lives or try something new? Pick one (or several) magazines that you think they will appreciate and give them a digital subscription. This gift will be green, eco-friendly (no trees were harmed to deliver that magazine to their inbox) and useful. If your loved already owns an iPad or Kindle Fire then they will be able to read the magazine absolutely anywhere.
4. Mind and Body Program. Gym memberships are becoming too boring and impersonal. Even more, most people who get gym memberships go to the gym only for the first month or two and after that they revert back to their old lifestyle. I personally haven’t set my foot in the gym for over two years and I LOVE exercise.

   If you want to give your loved ones a gift of a balanced body that they will actually appreciate then how about trying something new?

   • A gift card to a local Pilates or Yoga studio. If the person you are giving this gift to is a total fitness beginner then I would recommend purchasing several private sessions (most good studios will actually insist on teaching at least 1-3 private sessions before allowing you to join a group class.) If you (or the person receiving this gift) has already tried Yoga or Pilates on DVD or in a regular gym and wasn’t too impressed then I am asking you to give it another try. The only common thing between gym/DVD Yoga and Pilates and a studio session is the name. Even most men enjoy these sessions after they try them and realize that Mind & Body exercise is not a Female Only thing (I got my husband into Pilates and have several male clients at the studio who love their workouts.)
   • An online Pilates video program. If a person you are preparing this gift for doesn’t have time to go to the studio or gym then an online program is the best fit for them. A blogging friend of mine Robin Long is launching her Pilates Body program on January 2. It’s a 6-week virtual Pilates and nutrition program. The registration is open right now.
   • If you are ready to try (or give) an online Yoga program then I would recommend 30 Days of Yoga. I took Marianne’s Yoga program this fall and it was amazing. I am not a Yoga person but I thoroughly enjoyed this class. She has Yoga for everyone: beginners, busy people, curvy yoga and of course everyone else.
5. A well-grounded gift for women. If you are looking for a gift for a busy mom who wants to have more energy and have a healthier lifestyle then Designed for Wellness is something I would recommend. Lisa Byrne created this course for moms who need more healthy balance in their lives and have little time to achieve it. The best thing is that if you purchase this course by January 2nd then you also get to enroll for free yourself.
6. An apology. Sometimes the best gift that you can give someone is not the one that you can buy. Do you feel that you weren’t appreciative enough of the people who love you? Did you offend someone this year? Did you say something you regret? Let your loved ones know how much you really love them by apologizing to them this Christmas if an unfortunate incident has occurred during the year. Write a long letter where you tell exactly you love this person and how sorry you are for not showing it more often. You know the words that you have to say, and now is the best time to say them.
7. Healthy cooking lessons. Another ingredient of balanced living is healthy cooking. When you try to juggle healthy ingredients, simple recipes that don’t take half of the day and tasty cooking can quickly become overwhelming. Jules Clancy of StoneSoup.com has created a Virtual Cookery School that will teach anything from reclaiming a waistline to cooking like a chef. Jules also has several eCookbooks and video cookbooks that are wonderful gift ideas for anyone.
8. New hobby. An important part of living a balanced life is enjoying leisure time. The life that is only about work, family and other necessities can put us into a rut very fast. Our lives often get so busy that we completely forget about devoting time to our leisure and even have no idea what hobby we might enjoy. Let your loved ones try one (or several) new hobbies. Take a look at this list of the most popular hobbies. Which ones do you think will be fun? Schedule a class that will teach the basics of the hobby, buy the first kit or the necessary accessories and make sure that you can give your loved one the time to try this hobby out.
9. Balanced Life. Do you feel that your loved ones will benefit from a more balanced lifestyle? Do they seem to be overwhelmed and overworked most of the time? Do you feel that the person you love has changed recently and lost connection to his/her authentic self? Give them the gift of the Reclaim Your Life course and take one copy for yourself (I told you that you deserve a gift this season too.) Presenting an ecourse can be difficult (after all you can’t put an email with a download link under the Christmas tree.) Here are a few suggestions:
   • buy a pretty flash drive and upload the course on it;
   • print out the course and put it in a personalized binder (the course comes with several motivational posters -you can print them on high-quality paper and frame them.)
   • send the download link for the ebook via email to a person who won’t be spending holidays with you this year.

Giving and receiving gifts is a wonderful tradition but it is not what this holiday season is about. Spend time with your family celebrating the real reason of Christmas, enjoy your time together and don’t worry about little things like presents. People you love will remember the time spent with you and not what gift you gave them this year.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

P.S. You can receive an unexpected holiday gift and win a free hard-cover copy of the book Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions. Click here to see how.

P.P.S. Some of the links in this article are affiliate links. However, I endorse these items only because I love them and believe in them. I hope you will enjoy them as much as I do.

Keep it balanced!

Did you ever ask yourself a hard question? Something beyond “What am I going to have for supper?” or “How can I get a promotion at work?”

I’ve been in a situation before when a long-term relationship wasn’t working out and the only question on my mind was “Why are relationships so hard?”

Another time my plans were ruined and I felt completely helpless. My question then was “Does everything happen for a reason? Because I definitely don’t see any reason for THIS.”

And sometimes I read news headlines or simply hear a heart-breaking story that makes me wonder “Why is there suffering in the world?”

Did you ever ask yourself questions like that?

About a month ago I got an email from Lori Deschene from Tiny Buddha asking if I would like to review her book Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions. I am usually very picky about the books that I agree to review but this one was a no-brainer. I’ve been following Tiny Buddha for about 2 years now and my posts were featured there twice (click here and here to read them.) Of course I was excited about reading Lori’s book and actually finding answers to the questions mentioned above.

The book exceeded all my expectations. From the first sentences you get completely absorbed into smooth flow of Lori’s writing and it only gets better as you travel from one page to the next one. The book is interwoven with personal experiences from Lori’s life, age-old wisdom, tweets from Lori’s followers and practical tips (and you know that I am all about practical advice.) I simply loved it!

I asked Lori to answer several questions about life balance and her book. Read the interview and find out how you can win a free copy of Lori’s book.

1. In your book you share universal wisdom and your personal life experiences when answering life’s hardest questions. What was the most difficult answer for you to learn personally?

The most challenging question for me has always been how to let go of pain. The exact question in my book is, “Why is there suffering in the world?” However, that section explores all aspects of pain—why we resist it, how that can create even more pain, why we sometimes feel ashamed of it, and how accepting and learning from it can make a positive difference in the world.

I’ve had some incredibly low lows in my lifetime. For years I exacerbated my pain by clinging to negative stories and expecting the worst in everyone and everything. I let my pain define me for most of my teens and twenties, and for a while, I felt hesitant to change. That identity became comforting to me.

I don’t know why there’s suffering in the world, but I do know that a lot of good can come from pain if we’re willing to learn, grow, recycle our hurts to help other people, and in doing so, find a sense of peace and empowerment in the present moment.

That doesn’t mean every moment will feel peaceful and empowering. I still hurt at times, as we all will all through our lives. But I have a different perspective now, and as a result, I’m less frequently the cause of my pain.

2. How do you think people can use advice from your book to improve their lives?

The book explores the universal challenges that are relevant to all of us. It includes questions about letting go of pain, finding meaning in life, choosing happiness, creating positive change, maintaining healthy relationships, living life to the fullest, and accepting uncertainty.

Because I shaped Tiny Buddha around a wide range of responses to these questions (from Twitter followers who tweeted their answers) it offers a broad exploration of these topics and provides various empowering perspectives.

Tiny Buddha also includes practical, concrete action steps relevant to the different themes to help readers create meaning, happiness, fulfillment, and peace in their relationships, one moment at a time.

It’s not a book of concrete answers; it’s a book of possibilities, often supported by scientific, psychological, and sociological research. I also shared my own experiences in learning to answer these questions for myself, in hopes of helping readers do the same thing: identify and utilize the answers that make sense to them individually.

3. One of the great things about your book (in my opinion) is that you used tweets from your Twitter followers to broaden each and every answer in your book. In real life though social media can be quite distracting and can keep us from being present. How do you balance social media with your everyday meaningful life?

When I first got on Twitter, I often tweeted all through the day from my personal account, while frequently updating my Facebook page and engaging with other people on theirs. That quickly felt overwhelming, as I felt a constant need to monitor the stream and stay involved.

Over time, I’ve become far less immersed in social media. I updated the Tiny Buddha accounts 2–4 times each week day, and I tweet from my personal account every few days. I’m on my personal Facebook page a little more often, but I don’t feel tied to social media, as I once did.

One thing that helps me is that I don’t update my accounts from my phone. Though I now have Internet access on there (I held out for a while!) it’s not a smart phone, which makes it a pretty slow connection. Because it’s not as convenient, I just don’t do it, and I know that contributes to my overall well-being.

Since I work from home on my computer, I would far prefer to simply disconnect when I’m out. That’s not to say I think everyone should do this. I think we all need to identify what level of engagement and disconnection contributes to our overall well-being, and then honor what we know to be true.

4. I would love to ask you one more Hard Life Question. How do you live your life in balance?

That is a hard one! I think what makes it hard is that it’s so much easier to recognize what balance looks like than it is to honor that with consistency.

So the first part of my answer is what balance looks like for me. It’s a lot like that essay Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. I need to “learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.”

Essentially, I need to be sure I don’t get too wrapped up in any one part of my life—as if my work defines me, or my relationships defines me, or my hobbies define me—and I need to remember that self-care is a priority, not a luxury.

The second part is how I honor those things with consistency, and the answer is: I don’t always do that. There are times when I do get a little caught up in one part of my life, and then I start to feel off-balance. Where I feel I’ve made massive improvements is that I now do this far less often than I used to.

I think accepting that we’ll stumble occasionally but knowing we’re improving over time is the key to emotional balance. And ultimately, that’s what helps us get back on track when we’ve lost our way.

Thank you Lori!

Two readers of BalanceInMe can win a free hard-cover copy of the book Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions.

Just leave a comment here saying What Life’s Hard Question you are trying to answer. I will announce the winner on Tuesday, Dec 27th.

Keep it balanced!

Winners of the book Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions are comment #11 – Sara L and comment #20 – Marta. (The winners were picked using a random number generator.) Congratulations!

Thanks to everyone who shared their questions and thoughts on this post. Since now I know your questions I will try my best to find answers for them and share those answers on Balance In Me. Thank you for being part of this balanced community!

BTW, comments are now closed on this post.