Baldy Trump

2020-09-08T11:07:00.000-04:00

What Trump did wrong

2020-05-19T14:33:00.002-04:00

1.. Trump shut down the entire Global Health Security and Bio-defense agency. Yes, he did.
2.. In 2018 Trump fired Homeland Security Advisor Tom Bossart, whose job was to coordinate a response to global pandemics. He was not replaced.
3.. In 2018 Dr. Luciana Borio, the NSC director for medical and bio-defense preparedness left the job.. Trump did not replace Dr. Borio.
4.. In 2018, at Trump’s direction, the CDC stopped funding epidemic prevention activities in 39 out of 49 countries including China.
5.. In 2019 the NSC’s Senior Director for Global Health Security and bio-defense, Tim Ziemer, left the position and Trump did not replace the Rear Admiral.
6.. Trump declined to use the World Health Organization’s test like other nations.. Back in January, over a month before the first Co-vid19 case in the U.S., the Chinese posted a new mysterious virus and within a week, Berlin virologists had produced the first diagnostic test.. By the end of February, the WHO had shipped out tests to 60 countries.. Oh, but not our government.. We declined the test even as a temporary bridge until the CDC could create its own test.. The question is why?. We don’t know but what to look for is which pharmaceutical company eventually manufactures the test and who owns the stock.. Keep tuned.
7.. Amid the explosive worldwide outbreak of the virus Trump proposed a 19% cut to the budget of the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention plus a 10% cut to Public Health Services and a 7% cut to Global Health Services. Those happen to be the organizations that responds to public health threats.
8.. Trump didn’t appoint a doctor to oversee the US response to the pandemic. He appointed Mike Pence.
9.. Trump has on multiple occasions sowed doubt about the severity of the virus even using the word HOAX at events and rallies. He even did it at an event where the virus was being spread. Trump has put out zero useful information concerning the health risks of the virus.
10.. Trump pretended the virus had been contained.
11.. Trump left a cruise ship at sea for days, denying them proper hospital care, rather than increase his numbers in America

If Donald Trump had been the Captain of the Titanic:

2020-05-13T20:11:00.001-04:00

- “I know more about icebergs than anyone.”
- "There's no such thing as icebergs."
- "Icebergs are the new hoax."
- “Icebergs are a liberal conspiracy to make me look bad and remove me from power.”
- “It’s just one iceberg from China and we completely shut it down.”
- "There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean."
- "The iceberg will melt very soon."
- “My gut tells me the number of icebergs are greatly inflated.”
- "There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg."
- "One day just like magic the icebergs will disappear."
- "We hit the iceberg, but there's no damage."
- "The Chinese created this iceberg so it’s their problem to fix."
- "Why not ask China about the iceberg? See what they tell you?"
- "You will never survive this iceberg with that attitude. Talking about the iceberg is no longer worth my time."
- "We are taking on water but every passenger who wants a lifeboat can get a lifeboat, and they are beautiful lifeboats."
- “You say I dismantled the iceberg patrol but I don’t know anything about that.”
- “If icebergs were such a big threat why didn’t the previous Captain protect us from them?”
- “Icebergs can’t be managed by the Federal Government.”
- "Passengers need to ask nicely for the lifeboats if they want to survive."
- "We don't have any lifeboats, we're not in the lifeboat business."
- "Passengers should have planned for icebergs and brought their own lifeboats."
- "I really don't think we need that many lifeboats. Can we order that many lifeboats?"
- "We have lifeboats but they are our lifeboats, not the passengers lifeboats."
- "The previous Captain exhausted the lifeboat supply."
- "Nobody could have foreseen an iceberg."
- "I always knew icebergs were dangerous. I always took them seriously."
- “If we had known about an iceberg we could have done things differently but nobody knew they killed people.”
- “I take no responsibility at all.”

Virus in the White House

2020-03-16T15:19:00.002-04:00

Jan 20: "I know more about viruses than anyone.”
Jan 22: “We have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China. It’s going to be just fine.”
Feb 2: “We pretty much shut it down coming in from China.”
Feb 24: “The Coronavirus is very much under control in the USA… Stock Market starting to look very good to me!”
Feb 25: “CDC and my Administration are doing a GREAT job of handling Coronavirus.”
Feb 25: “I think that's a problem that’s going to go away… They have studied it. They know very much. In fact, we’re very close to a vaccine.”
Feb 26: “The 15 (cases in the US) within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero.”
Feb 26: “We're going very substantially down, not up.”
Feb 27: “One day it’s like a miracle, it will disappear.”
Feb 28: “We're ordering a lot of supplies. We're ordering a lot of, uh, elements that frankly we wouldn't be ordering unless it was something like this. But we're ordering a lot of different elements of medical.”
Mar 2: “You take a solid flu vaccine, you don't think that could have an impact, or much of an impact, on corona?”
Mar 2: “A lot of things are happening, a lot of very exciting things are happening and they’re happening very rapidly.”
Mar 4: “If we have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work — some of them go to work, but they get better.”
Mar 5: “I NEVER said people that are feeling sick should go to work.”
Mar 5: “The United States… has, as of now, only 129 cases… and 11 deaths. We are working very hard to keep these numbers as low as possible!”
Mar 6: “I think we’re doing a really good job in this country at keeping it down… a tremendous job at keeping it down.”
Mar 6: “Anybody right now, and yesterday, anybody that needs a test gets a test. They’re there. And the tests are beautiful…. the tests are all perfect like the letter was perfect. The transcription was perfect. Right? This was not as perfect as that but pretty good.”
Mar 6: “I like this stuff. I really get it. People are surprised that I understand it ... Every one of these doctors said, ‘How do you know so much about this?’ Maybe I have a natural ability. Maybe I should have done that instead of running for president.”
Mar 6: “I don't need to have the numbers double because of one ship that wasn't our fault.”
Mar 8: “We have a perfectly coordinated and fine-tuned plan at the White House for our attack on CoronaVirus.”
Mar 9: “This blindsided the world.”
Mar 13: “National emergency, two big words.”

The complete Trump Phrase Translator:

2020-03-08T09:58:00.002-04:00

“Experts say . . . ” = Limbaugh and Hannity said . . .
“Everyone’s saying . . . ” = Someone in the Fox News comments section said . . .
“I’ve been hearing . . . ” = Barr told me . . .
“I’ve been seeing . . . ” = Ivanka showed me . . .
“A lot of people.” = Me.
"Nobody knew" = Everyone knew except me.
"Many People have told me" = Voices in my head and fictional people have complimented me.
"A lot of people don't know" = I just learned something most people already knew.
“It’s gonna be incredible.” = I haven’t thought about it—it’s in the future.
“It’s gonna be fantastic.” = I briefly thought about it, but will forget about it once my circadian rhythm resets.
“It’s gonna be terrific.” = I’ve passed it along to Congress, so blame them when it fails.
“It’s gonna be huge.” = It will be flashy and tacky.
“It’s gonna be so huge.” = It will be flashy and tacky, with gold lettering.
"In Fact" = I'm about to lie.
"Believe me" = I just lied.
“We’ll see what happens.” = I have no idea what’s going to happen, but I hope it makes me look good or I hope you forget about it.
"He's a great guy" = I will deny ever knowing this person after they begin to tell the truth about me.
“He’s the perfect man for the job.” = He’ll be great at obliterating the department he’s heading.
“He’s done an incredible job.” = He doesn’t lie as well as he used to, and may soon be fired.
“He’s a disappointment.” = Due to his slavish devotion to ethics, he’s been fired.
“He’s somewhat disappointing.” = I don’t like his beta-male looks and behavior, and, besides, he’s low-energy.
"Loser" = someone who makes me feel inferior due to their talent or accomplishments.
"Liar" = Someone telling the truth about me
“Fake News” = something I said which has been recorded.
“He’s doing an incredible job.” = He works for me, and he’s a terrific liar.
“He’s a good kid.” = I don’t like his beta-male looks and behavior, but both Ivana and the paternity test say he’s my son.
“He’s a good man.” = I don’t know the guy, but he’s right here in front of me, smiling.
“He’s an excellent man.” = He may be smarter than me, but that does not make me dumber than him.
“I have the best memory” = Do I have another rally today or am I going golfing?
“I have all the best words.” = I cornered the market on some top-of-the-line monosyllabic words in a leveraged buyout.
“Only I can get it done” = “If you think this country’s bad off now, just wait till I get through with it.” (re: Groucho Marx in Duck Soup – 1933)
"The likes the world has never seen" = I have no idea what I just said but it sounded good.
"Policy Briefing" = Turning on Fox News.
"MAGA" = Making my pockets fatter off the American taxpayers.
"Huge" = moderate to below average in size.
“Facts.” = 1. Statements not yet verified by conspiracy theorists. 2. Statements—often from scientists—with no profit motive.
“Lies.” = 1. Statements about me colluding with Russia. 2. Un-airbrushed facts.
“Sad” = 1. All-purpose, monosyllabic expression of distress, remonstration, condemnation, anger, frustration, pique, or calumny. If tweeted, “Sad” appears as a single-word sentence fragment, followed by an exclamation point. As an utterance, it is shouted as if one is an umpire. 2. Rare, archaic: sorrowful.
“I’ve always been a good student.” = I attended school (sometimes).
“I’m not being investigated.” = It’s not an investigation if the detective isn’t wearing dark glasses and a fedora.
"I did nothing wrong." = I was caught breaking the Law.
"It was a perfect conversation" = They're willing to take the bribe.
"Loyalty" = They support me until I blame them for what I did wrong.
"I'm being treated very unfairly" = They're trying to make me accountable for my actions.
"Jobs BLOWOUT, 303,000" = I inflate numbers to make myself look Great. I deflate them to not pay taxes.
"Witch Hunt" = They're digging up evidence about my crimes.
"NEVER TRUMPERS" = They're not the poorly educated deplorable supporters I love.
"I'm not watching the hearings" = I'm too busy intimidating witnesses on twitter.
"I shouldn't be impeached." = I've been breaking Laws all my life, why should I stop now?
"I want nothing. I want nothing." = Repeating a lie enough times, they start to believe it.
"I do whatever I want."= I've been since GOP are in my back pocket and they don't care.
"They cheapened the importance of the very ugly word, impeachment." = I cheapened the Constitution by violating the LAW and they caught me.

Fat Jesus

2019-12-19T08:58:00.001-05:00

A Trumpian Hallmark Christmas

2019-12-19T08:56:00.001-05:00

Hallmark television recently found itself deep in the culture wars when they ran an advertisement depicting the marriage of two gay women consummated with a kiss that infuriated conservative Christians. An organization of right wing mothers, ‘One Million Moms’, mounted a potential boycott of Hallmark prompting that network, which specializes in traditional family life and Christmas themed romance movies, to abandon the ads from the marriage registry company, Zola.

After much counter protesting by left wing and gay rights groups, Hallmark decided to reverse its earlier decision to remove the offending ad stating on Twitter, that they, “will be working with GLAAD, (a gay media advocate), to better represent the LGBTQ community. The Hallmark channel will be reaching out to Zola to reestablish our partnership and reinstate the commercials”.

Needless to say this reversal really incensed the conservative Christian community. Franklin Graham, (son of of the late Billy), a Christian evangelist known for his love of President Trump and for various attacks on gays, claimed the evil LGBTQ agenda corrupted the“wholesome” network.

With this controversy in mind and as Christmas approaches, let us take a quick look at how Hallmark might handle the first family of the United States in

a tribute to the wonderful familial love and loyalty of the Trump family.

Such a movie might start with a little history of Trump family triumphs as they struggled to gain a foothold in America. Grandpa Frederick Trump first to our shores after fleeing military service in his home country of Germany, could be depicted as the proud owner of his turn of the century brothel in Bennett British Columbia. With his fortune made from prostitution, (Frederick was said to have been a kindly pimp), Frederick Sr. eventually settled in New York.

Falling not too far from the family tree, Hallmark might depict Fredrick’s son, New York landlord, Fred Trump Jr. in all his Christian benevolence. Fred was well know to rent his apartments to everyone; everyone except minorities. At this point a truly fine Christmas movie from Hallmark couldn’t help but show scenes of brave Fred and his KKK buddies fighting off those nasty liberals and blacks during a well know white supremacist rally in New York City in 1927. Hallmark would probably leave out the part where police hauled Fred away in a paddy wagon.

Fast forwarding to the modern era, as movies sometimes do, they could have scenes from Donald Trump's many marriages and the time he was screwing Stormy Daniels when his wife Melania was home with new born little Barron. Or maybe they could depict those years when Donald Trump Jr. wouldn't even speak with his father after he cheated on mother Ivana with Marla Maples. They could do a cut away shot of Trump hobnobbing with Jeffrey Epstein complete with a close up of Trump’s alleged sharing of a 13 year old virgin with his host Epstein. Virgins as I understand are very Christian.

To close out the film a final scene might unfold as President Trump walks down a snowy Manhattan street. He holds his great top coat close as the brutal wind slightly tossles his finally coiffed hair. Suddenly a Dickinsonian waif child in need appears with a sign asking for food. As Trump slows to engage the child we hear him state in his strong male voice, the classic Christmas line, “oh, but I need a favor from you, though”.

Pan out, Hallmark audience in tears, popcorn all gone, time for bed to count sugar plums and Russians.

Great Britian No More

2019-12-15T08:30:00.001-05:00

Before Brexit and Johnson

After Brexit and Johnson

2019-11-03T18:20:00.001-05:00

🐑🐏🐑🐏🐑

2019-08-18T14:26:00.003-04:00

Not the Definitive Nickname List

Resident Tweety
Donald Death
Wuhan Don
The Yam
Brokahontas
Forrest Trump
Agent Orange
The Sour Kraut
Baby Blimp
The Dotard
Liar n Chief
The 10,000 Lieman
Mango Mussolini
The Stable Genius
Commander Bone Spurs
Comrade President
Hair Fuhrer
Tariff Man
Prince of Whales
The Burger King
Sweet Potato Hitler
Obama's Skid Mark
Agolf Tweetler
President Plump
Nostratrumpass
King of the Jews
The Chosen One
Deficit Don
Putin's Punk
The Weather Man
Donald Hump

2019-08-06T15:11:00.001-04:00

Trump GIF from Trump GIFs

2019-08-06T14:56:00.003-04:00

2018-01-27T14:24:00.001-05:00

There once was a girl named Melania
Who grew up in a shithole Slovenia
She came to New York in panties and bra
Where she parlayed he anglomania.

Digging for gold she ran into a chump

Who looked to her like a golden dump

But holding her nose, and forgetting her Mum

she ended up hooked to a trump.

2017-10-19T15:55:00.004-04:00

Why is it that white supremacist only advocate free speech for hate speech. How about advocating for just regular speech.

2017-10-04T18:02:00.001-04:00

Peaceful Protest

2017-09-24T17:37:00.001-04:00

Did you ever hear of the bully pulpit? The president has every right to speak and every responsibility to be quiet.

Trump and the Trumpetts believe the struggles for social justice of an entire race pale in comparison with the removal of a few Confederate statues, (or a few players making football fans a little uncomfortable).

2017-09-08T18:14:00.004-04:00

It isn't the high muckety muck conservative politician who spouts his racist ideology that kills a group of black worshipers. It's the deluded half wit who listened to him that does the deed.

It isn't the hypocritical talk show host who claims that hurricanes are over hyped for political purposes, that gets caught in the storm, it's his faithful listener who actually believed what he spouted.

There is no moral equvalency to Nazism

2017-08-18T20:30:00.000-04:00

Robert E. Lee was a traitor to America. He committed treason and was responsible for the death of hundreds of thousands. In addition he was the loser in the Civil War and the statues that create conflict today, were erected during the early 20th century as a rebuke to the aspiration of African Americans.

On the other hand Washington was an historic winner and founder of our great nation. His good judgement and humility, in contrast to heir Trump, is why we have a nation today.

Roasted Racist

2017-08-14T18:02:00.000-04:00

A counter demonstrator uses a lighted spray can against a white nationalist demonstrator at the entrance to Lee Park in Charlottesville, Va., Saturday, Aug. 12, 2017. Gov. Terry McAuliffe declared a state of emergency and police dressed in riot gear ordered people to disperse after chaotic violent clashes between white nationalists and counter protestors. (AP Photo/Steve Helber)

2017-08-13T08:51:00.002-04:00

WASHINGTON POST - FEBRUARY 28, 2016..."On Memorial Day 1927, brawls erupted in New York...In Queens, 1,000 white-robed Klansmen marched through the Jamaica neighborhood, eventually spurring an all-out brawl in which seven men were arrested...One of those arrested was Fred Trump of 175-24 Devonshire Rd. in Jamaica NY."

Tiki Torches are so Lame

2017-08-12T15:47:00.002-04:00

We already know that white lives matter, but we are not so sure that black lives or muslim lives or women's lives or gay lives or just regular people's lives matter.

Again if your only claim to fame is that you are white you haven't accomplished anything worthwhile and should be finding ways to contribute that don't include racist rants.

Trump's Work Ethic

2017-08-05T09:45:00.003-04:00

"I would rarely leave the White House because there's so much work to be done," Trump said in July 2015. "I would not be a president who took vacations. I would not be a president that takes time off."

"I'm going to be working for you," Trump said in August 2016. "I'm not going to have time to go play golf."

So we can all admit that birthers are deplorable.

2016-09-16T16:13:00.001-04:00

And that Obama at 54% approval is a fine president. No amount of spinning can the birthers do to back away from their movement or try and pass the blame to others. In the eyes of America Trump is the once and only king of that movement. The people motivated by this such as your average Democrat, are not going to suddenly blame someone else for Trump and the birther's actions.

They the birthers have to take responsibility for their racism. Trump owes Obama an apology and the birthers owe an apology to America

Yo Trump even with one eye, x boxer Senator Reid could kick your fatty ashcan.

2016-09-16T10:31:00.000-04:00

"Trump told The Washington Post that Reid "should go back and start working out again with his rubber work-out pieces." Reid fell and broke several ribs and facial bones last year when an exercise band snapped during a workout.

Reid said in a statement Thursday that Trump can make fun of the injury that crushed the side of his face and cost him the sight in his right eye. Reid said, "I've dealt with tougher opponents than him."

Reid said that with his good eye, he sees that Trump inherited his money but pretends he earned it.

The Republican nominee lashed after being told Reid had said that Trump is "not slim and trim.""

Rump

2016-09-15T12:49:00.002-04:00

"I weigh 236 pounds."-Donald Trump. Twitter begs to differ.

- I'm 6'4-6'5" former athlete, weigh myself daily, w/ range of 215-233 past 4 years. No way in hell Trump is 236. None.

- Donald Trump claims to only be 236 pounds. His pot belly, turkey neck and jowls plead t- he fifth.

- Trump weighs 236 lbs. Dr. Oz says he should lose 15. I say he should lose 236.

- I'd believe the birther claim before believing that Trump is only 236 lbs.

- If Trump weighs 236 pounds the test was conducted on the moon.