Balloons in My Speechless Mind

Kokoro Reflections: Where is My Paradise

2014-10-09T09:19:00.003+08:00

Where is my paradise?

Where is the place that my whole soul and mind can freely roam without doubts?

Where is that world that I am longing for?

Such questions, the things that keep haunting me for a long time.

Music of my dreams are always pulling me and reminding me, "I can make you feel what you really want"

Then trenches my heart and tells me, "shall we go now"?

I want to follow the path I really longing for. But... I have the fear to take the risk. Money and experiences, those are too risky to be exchanged to my greatest dream.

But I ask myself, "How can you be at your fullest if you won't take a risk?"

I would love to take risk. But I have things to consider before doing so. Yes, that includes my salary rate and work experiences. But those concern the support I give to my family financially, and my younger siblings are still studying. I can't leave my current carreer if I would consider those. But... if ever I am going to take that risk, I am willing to start from the bottom just to learn and take steps to be better in the path that I really want.

It is very difficult suppressing myself like this. It's like I am giving up my whole self and life to something contrary to my interests. I feel like dead at all.

I know there are others feeling same way but not complaining at all because they take consideration of people whom they care much. Having my ideas and aspirations doesn't mean I don't care for loved ones. I just want to stood up for my life in which it seem felt not much alive for all this time not following my heart wants.

I can't see much of myself right now. I can't see my true potential. I can't see what I really do good at. I am blinded.

To ease this struggle, I take free and affordable arts and programming workshops. I do take alternatives because I don't wanna stay confined in my so lifeless life.

I want to stood-up and shine, and then feel appreciated by others, and so as myself. I want to take possible opportunity I could see in order to set foot on my goals. And this is how I fight for my life.

Kokoro Reflections: I want to be the best of me

2014-09-23T11:09:00.001+08:00

"I feel bummed-out."

"I feel like I am not doing anything for better."

"I wanna create something, but I felt like something's hinding me out."

"I wanna do something, but I felt like something's stopping me."

"I wanna unleash my ideas, but I felt like I am being imprisoned in the unknown."

"I wanna feel my mind being pushed into exercise and having the feeling of the blood and oxygen flowing into my brain. Then feel the flow of the information in life in which nourishes me to be much motivated to do more what I am capable right now."

"The feeling of vigor is prominently absent. I want to experience again the presence of being alive in my own world, in my own self. Without the fear of getting disappointments from things around."

"Despite of this dull feel, there is still 1% of me who is fighting for the most and brightest light to be seen. My heart tells not to stop dreaming and take the leap to be greater than I am now. Mind is persuading herself to think greater good things in order to pull-off ideas helpful for the leap."

"I don't wanna stop there."

"I want to be more who I am now."

"I want to be the best of me."

Reaching the Greater Goal

2013-10-16T12:00:00.000+08:00

Everybody has their own wants, their own dream and their own goals. Everybody is motivated with the vision that the their mind is inhibiting. A vision that creates the energy to make their body push to work hard in order to achieve something even in a very small amount.

Man cannot attain everything all at once. Every man should always create several small steps to reach their great destination. Hard work perseverance, diligence and patience - those things must be included on those small steps that every man creates. A man can never attain something big at the first place without experiencing something small beforehand.

Every man wants, every man needs and every man dreams. These things makes a man move within the boundaries he is stepping at. After filling those, he will move outside of the box to see and experience something greater. That is the time that man will move to the higher stage of life.

Everybody can never attain something big at the fresh start, they should first learn something to take a grasp of it. They can dream and set a goal, but experience will always be their stepping stone to reach that greater pedestal.

Message from the Shadow (Poem)

2013-08-26T11:47:00.000+08:00

I grew up in silence.

Emotions were never been much shown.

Everything was kept along within the shadows

Where only myself could know.

Happiness was never shared.

But only to myself who were always within reach.

Sadness was never shared

Because I grew up living distant to others.

I watch time passes by,

But only with myself who were always within reach.

Because before was imprinted to my mind,

Others were can never be trusted.

Such ideology ruined the childhood.

Now looking for things I should already have beforehand.

The centrepiece of my life had become an introverted path.

It is being struggled to be changed.

My only wish is to be happy.

I don't want to waste every second engaged to sadness.

Changing myself is determined.

Bringing my old happy self is pushed.

If only I could reset time,

I will think and do what are in bliss.

Things that are good and happy,

The challenge that I accept.

How I wish I could enjoy,

Every good moments with everyone in my life.

Not thinking the pain

In which I was mostly devoured before.

An emotional pain lurked in me.

That pain that reaped my life

Which now I can't show the best side,

Today is hiding in the shadows of silence.

Nobody can understand the pain

That I very eager to treat.

All I need now to forget the pain.

Accept everything and only remember everything is good.

I want show to everybody myself that was never seen.

My eyes that sees good,

My lips that speaks kindness.

I want everybody to feel the good that is within me.

I now will not be afraid to show the good that is in me.

I will let everybody feel being with me is a time not wasted.

I will never look on bad.

I will never speak of rudeness.

Everything will be changed.

I will enter to the new pace.

Everything will be in beautiful,

Including the beauty of myself which I never seen then.

I will say goodbye to the face darkness.

Myself will fade away from the shadows of darkness.

I will embark to see my whole new self,

Blissful and thankful.

I am now fading away, my old self.

I am setting you free to be cleansed awhole.

I am now making place to the new self.

Good bye to you, good bye.

Chow-Ling: Mongolian Stir Fry Experience

2012-10-10T11:09:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, me and my mom went strolling to iMall, which is a new mall at Calamba, Laguna. I can't really say if it is a mall since it is not that big as SM's nor Robinson Mall's. Anyways, I was supposed to buy microSDs for my gadgets but plans changed. Instead, I got hungry. Then we found this food stall at iMall's food court, Chow-Ling to be called.

Basing on its food stall name, it is a Mongolian stir fry dish. It is like Chowking's Chow Fan but, for me, this one more delicious. They have four flavors to serve. I chose there with the pork one. I forgot what it is called, actually.

Stall crew serve this fresh from cooking equipment. I didn't happen to finish my food at the area since it is so hot. So I just packed it home.

I can still remember its tastiness.

Etude House Aloe Moistfull Mask Sheet

2012-10-04T09:41:00.001+08:00

Recently, I have purchased a BB cream from Etude House in which I got a free Aloe Moistfull Mask Sheet. I just used yesterday before going to sleep. I thought the contents inside were like cream or anything else. But what is inside were a mask sheet cloth and some liquid residues for the mask sheet.

The mask sheet was easy to apply. It just need to place the mask soaked with the liquid residue from the mask sheet package onto the face. Then wait for 15-20 minutes before removing it. Then there will some excess residue will left on the skin, it just need to be massaged until it was absorbed by the skin.

I didn't dispose the mask sheet. I just placed it inside the mask sheet package since there were still some mask sheet liquid residue in which I can still use after 2-3 days. By the way, from the package, it was stated there that the mask application 2-3 days. But from some beauty article that I have read, the mask sheet application should be once a week. Anyways, it will on our own perception on how frequent we will be applying it. For now, I'll just follow what the package says.

The day after applying the mask, I felt my face became softer and smoother. By the way, I did have some pimples on my forehead due to a dirty face powder sponge that I used but those somehow subsided after using the mask sheet. The disappearance of pimples or acnes will still be guided will proper skin cleansing.

I do recommend using this Aloe Moistfull Mask Sheet. I dunno how does it priced since I didn't see anything about from the Etude House Philippines site. You can visit any Etude House stores to check out the products they have. :)

Etude House Precious Mineral BB Cream Bright Fit

2012-10-04T09:24:00.000+08:00

Etude House product is pretty popular these day, so I got curious with those. Just exactly that I need a BB cream for my cosplay last Cosmania 2012, I visited Etude House to buy a BB cream. I bought Precious Mineral BB Cream Bright Fit. It was recommended to me by the sales attendant upon basing on my skin tone.

I also got these free stuff like the Pink Membership Card and the Aloe Moistfull Mask Sheet.

Upon using the BB cream, I feel kinda sticky after applying it onto my face. So I wait for a few minutes until it was absorbed by my skin. After that, my skin became smooth. I apply face powder as the finishing touch.

As for the BB cream's popular effects, I'm still monitoring it since I'm only using this for about a week. I think it is working for me. I can see my under eye wrinkles were decreased a bit. My skin lightened a bit, as for myself being a dark complexioned. Also for the SPF 30/ PA++, it helps my skin to be somehow protected on from the computer's radiation since my work is always facing the computer.

I will post after review for this BB cream after for about 3 months to update the effects of the product on my skin. :)

Adonit Capacitive Touch Stylus

2012-07-28T20:17:00.001+08:00

I finally purchased my Adonit Capacitive Touch Stylus. I can now properly study digital painting using my galaxy tab :-)

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Job Sched Idea - WANT

2012-05-02T12:10:00.002+08:00

Just an idea...

8 hours x 5 days is equals to 2 days rest
16 hours x 2 days + 8 hours is equals to 4 days rest <-want!

#isthispossibletohappen ? :)) haha

------------------------------------------------------------

hahaha.... I want the second one. I can get more laziness moment to spend with. But, is that possible? I guess not. Ooh... That's sad. If ever that happens, I can spend more time with family, friends, BOYFRIEND (haha), game friends, online friends, artsy stuffs and much more. Then I just suddenly thought, I can have more time for myself.... YEAHHHH... ooh hoo hoo... I wanna suggest to make my work schedule that like that but my boss would possibly kick me out of the job. hahahaha... But to think, I can also save more on having that schedule. Less travel expenses, less food expenses and less boarding and lodging expenses. RIGHT? YEAHHH... hahaha... ooh.. But, this is life... I just have to get along with the flow. :)

Holy Week Reflection

2012-04-05T13:33:00.003+08:00

Christ loved us. Christ protected us. Christ saved us. Christ forgave us. Christ did those after having himself on the cross and died carrying the sins made by us. He sacrificed himself and suffered just to save us from harm.

In commemoration for this Holy Week, let render time with the Lord in reflecting for the sins that we done, for the blessings that we received, the generosity that we shared and everything that we experienced in our everyday life. Even though some of us are busy due to work, let's provide time (even a very little time) just to be in touch with the Lord our God and his son Jesus Christ.

I Found Love Again

2012-03-23T23:36:00.001+08:00

It's been months ago since I last had being in a relationship. It started beautifully but it ended painfully. The love that I was fighting for was not being fought with the one who I should have fighting with. I felt broken, used and sad. Hatred filled my heart. I forgot the true feeling of love.

I put most of my time to be very busy. I involve myself into different activities; cosplay, singing, studying sort of things, graphic designing and other stuffs just to forget the messed up feeling that I have that time. I got myself a part-time job as a digital inker and a full-time job as Software Engineer afterwards. I took my training and got regularized on my job.

I did, almost, forget the bitterness that I had from my previous relationship. I enjoyed the days of learning something new, earning good income and having a good social life. I was very happy, but something is still lacking.

In those days, I didn’t expect something will happen that will make my life very blissful again. I didn’t expect that someone will bring love back into my life.

He thought me to see new things beautifully, to feel things preciously, to experience things memorably and to live life with love that dazzles beautifully. He promised me that he will bring back the love that lost and will make me truly happy again. I never expected that I’m going to really experience those things. I never expected that he will actually do it for me. He made so much effort and sacrifices for me, just to make me truly happy again. He spent months on making me smile, comforting me from tears, and giving me precious moments on his courtship with me.

Now, I do feel very special. Special, in which I can’t explain in simple words. Special, that is somehow complicated to show how happy I am. I really never felt this way for a long time.

I am very thankful to God for hearing my prayer to be truly happy again. He awakened my heart from its long time sleep. I am so happy that I met him. Now, I’m just waiting for time to truly put love back into my life.

Just a Life Update

2012-01-30T12:05:00.002+08:00

A partly finished rough sketch for an indie comic group. I actually just I did it yesterday at the office while looking for part time jobs and analyzing what to do on my work tasks. I'm still busy on everything right now. I joined a performing group on my work and were going to have a benefit concert on February 17, 2012. Then I also have an upcoming performance on Pinoy Utaite Live on February 11, 2012. Then some others tasks to fulfill. Busy huh?

I just (almost) finished cleaning up my bed space here at the boarding house I am staying. I quite got a lot of stuffs to fix. I will just make an appointment for that.

Can Silliness

2011-10-26T10:27:00.000+08:00

I was making something to eat. I have this Century Corned Tuna. There was this can opener thingy on the can itself (I dunno what it called). So I just pulled it making the can lid opens inside the can. Silly me! I forgot it wasn't being opened that way. So I tried turning around the opener thingy. But I can't turn the opener the way I wanted. I took a spoon but it didn't work well. But... I NEVER GAVE-UP! So I tried twisting it then I SUCCEEDED! Yey! I finally have my midnight snack!

~~P.S. this is just a random silliness blog post...~~

First Day of Work at SPi Global

2011-09-20T05:45:00.000+08:00

Yey! I'm back at blogging! weee... Anyways. I'm already working at SPi Global at Parañaque as a Software Engineer. It was awesome. I met new people and starting to make new friends. I feel like anew on that time. My fresh start is totally great. I hope it'll be more fun today.

Light Photography 20110722 Experiment

2011-07-22T23:58:00.002+08:00

Light Photography 20110722 Experiment, a set on Flickr.

With all the words of motivation given by Jene Kirishima, I came up into an idea of doing an experiment with my dad's camera. So I came up with these. :)

Jeaned Cat

2011-07-10T18:01:00.000+08:00

Ming Ming inside my cropped jean cloth.

My Restrictions

2011-07-04T17:49:00.000+08:00

Since I'm now taking the stage to the true career life, I must now set restrictions for myself.

No buying of new clothes. Recycle clothes if possible.
No buying of accessories. I still have a lot here.
No buying of Anime stuff. I also have a lot here. No buying or making of Cosplay costumes either. Unless trashes we're disposed.
Sleep at 8:00 pm, wake at 5:00 am.
Clean first. Study next. Then, computer stuff.
BUDGET is BUDGET. Don't spend on something unplanned and not totally needed.
5S.

Self-discipline and self-control must now be practiced.

My Stuff for this Free Day

2011-07-04T09:11:00.000+08:00

Finally! For this day...

Did a morning exercise
I have installed my Kanji learning software
Gave my bed stuff a sunshine
Downloaded RF Online texture editing tool

What's next?

Download and print tutorials for web development and computer programming
Read a book
Get Kylie Minogue's music
Clean the mouse cage
Clean the rabbit cage
Clean my doll shoes
Finish the Grand Chase Fan Art
Claim my package from LBC

First day of free day after my OJT at Nikkoshi Philippines Corporation. I'm missing my friends there already. Anyways, after this post, I will be resting for a while then back to my tasks.

Ciao!

Some Random Thoughts

2011-06-23T03:39:00.000+08:00

I'm about to end my OJT by next week. After that, I'm now ready for the real work. But, heart is still not ready for it. My heart feels like to finish some stuffs before going to the actual working life. Oh... I can't tell the chances. I'll accept what will come to me. I'm just hoping that I could finish my goals on time.

The Working Experience

2011-05-17T04:49:00.000+08:00

Work is pretty hard. Even though I'm just an OJT. It's still pretty harsh. No Facebook. No Twitter. No Friendster. No deviantART. No social sites. This is burden! Nah! I'm just kidding. Yeah! No of those stuffs but I am learning step by step with my busy work schedule. I'm learning to adjust myself to different people, different situations, different areas and different conditions. This will make me improve more as me. I already had worked before this OJT. But this one is totally different and challenging. Unlike before that I usually work with less people, this one is huge. I gotta be at my full myself. Cheerful and active to give a whole quality service. I must one who will an asset to the company, so I'm working hard. That asset matter is not also for the company but also to myself. I just have to enjoy everything to be at its best.

Happy, Excited. Nervous. Yeah Good!

2011-05-10T04:40:00.000+08:00

Yesterday rocks! My first day at the company was totally awesome. I hope it will still be the same today. I quite feel nervous today since I will going to be introduced to my bosses. I must give them an amazing first impression later. Then I must do a very good performance to be absorbed at the company as well. Yeah man!

Oh yeah! I'm missing drawing stuffs, digital art stuffs, painting stuffs and other stuffs...

Today is the Day!

2011-05-09T06:11:00.000+08:00

Today is the day! Like what the title says. I'm so excited today for my first day at the company. Yippee! I'm just eating my breakfast while watching TV. Then after this, I'll be going now despite of the bad weather. Anyways! Have a nice day to all of you! God bless!

remind me of:

cosplay plan list
likes and dislikes list
task list
morning energizer list
fave anime list
fave music list
fave shows list
fave characters list
idols list
fave food list

LMAO

Mother's Day and Other Stuff

2011-05-08T05:17:00.000+08:00

First of all, 'HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY' to all moms at heaven and earth!!!

I woke up early, so early, today to do make the part 2 mother's day gift for our mom. I was supposed to be helping my sister on part 1 gift. But I didn't wake up after deciding to take a short sleep yesterday evening since I feel unwell. Now, I think I have to do it alone just to be fair for my sister. I hope I could finish it fast then I'll do jogging and morning exercise. Then study some stuff. Hopefully, I could practice singing again. geez... My vocal chords is still kinda stiff and achy whenever I sing. I think my previous two confinements has a reason for that. I wish I could finish my demo video and I hope I could get it well, really well. That would be for the contest I will be joining. Wish me luck! Ciao!

Whispers in the Night

2011-04-19T03:24:00.000+08:00

The Darkness of the dawn,

Indeedly serene as a deep blue sea,

The golden shining bulbs,

brightens the silent roads of life.

Listen the sound of spinning fan,

With people asleep with snores they sound.

Watching beyond the window

The peaceful life during the gentle dreams

I’m awake with eyes wide open,

I am supposed to be in bed at this moment of time.

But a frequent attack of banging cough,

The moment of my arcane dreams was put into halt.

Feeling an unwell condition,

Thinking when I am going to be well.

Missing the robust moments,

Wishing to be at the state once again.

Wanting to enjoy more,

Wanting to enjoy everything in life.

Self-Esteem and Determination Breaks the Odds

2011-01-10T08:56:00.002+08:00

There are some people are really can turn you down when hatred, envy and jealously goes in their minds. Especially when they see you something that they think will turn their worlds upside down to the negative state. You are doing something at your best and someone will just approach and says "I don't like you!". Then on the next day, false rumors about you are spreading and degrading your good reputation. Don't be intimidated by those. Make them your motivational factor for you to fulfill your goals. Let your self-esteem and determination clear your hindrances to reach your goals. Those people who tend to bring you down, are people who are the question on the crossword puzzle that you need to solve. They are just a driving factor for you to work hard more, to prove more what you can do... what you can do BETTER. Always think what you can do best. Also make sure, you always do something that will make others happy, another way of driving you to your success. Don't forget to pray to God for the guidance you need and be thankful for all the things that you receive on your everyday living.

Good day and God bless you all!