Comics.

Tubthumping pt.2

2012-07-07T11:47:00.001-07:00

You Weren't Ready

2012-07-03T02:00:00.001-07:00

Tubthumping

2012-07-01T21:48:00.002-07:00

Fruit Leprechaun part 2

2010-10-04T22:21:00.000-07:00

If you happen to find an Orange, or other Fruit, and are in the midst of dismantling it and scattering it's pieces in separate graves so that it doesn't regenerate, you may come across what some call "Seeds". These are in fact, Fruit Leprechaun eggs. If Fruit is left to ripen, or 'go bad', these eggs will hatch, spawning tiny Fruit Leprechauns. These mischievous gnomes may look cute, but they are actually quite dangerous. Much like the Gremlins in the movie "Meet Dave", they will cause untold havoc - the raiding of your fridge, chewing through electric wire, murder, and general untidiness. They are hard to catch because they are covered in a generous layer of slippery amniotic fluid and their nipples shoot acidic pus, stored in their kneecaps. Your best bet as always is just to make sure no Fruit enters your household, or keep a Fruit Bat as added protection.

Fruit Leprechaun

2010-10-03T20:00:00.000-07:00

Hey, here's a mostly done sketch that I whipped up for you guys, tell me what you think. I may or may not complete it tomorrow along with a quick informational on the mysterious Fruit Leprechauns.

Spying on an Orange and took this picture before it noticed me

2010-10-02T21:20:00.000-07:00

For your health

2010-09-30T22:02:00.000-07:00

I don't really have anything for today, so I'd just like to briefly explore a popular quote we've all heard, but maybe haven't understood.
"An Apple a day keeps the doctor away."
Most of us ignorant sheeple take this to mean an Apple a day will keep you healthy, right? Wrong. In fact, when eaten, Apples actually surround you with an invisible forcefield that prevents anyone with an MD from getting close enough to diagnose. Literally, an Apple a day keeps the doctor(s) away - so don't plan on getting sick.

New poll!!!!

2010-09-29T22:24:00.000-07:00

It's a sad fact of life: everybody needs to get out once in a while. Even if you're like me and don't have a job or friends, occasionally we must talc up, put on our underpants(optional) and venture out into Society at large - if only to pick up essential supplies such as kleenex and Catfood(even more so if you have a Cat). So I have to ask; what is your favorite mode of transportation?

Everyone likes to travel in style, and it doesn't get much more stylish than on a Bus - like a limousine, but even more spacious. Be wary though, as using this mode of transportation will rapidly deplete your bank account. Which leads to the next option:
In these tough economic times, many of us have chosen to hire out the homeless to ferry us around the town by Piggyback. You may be late for your meeting, but at least you won't have to pay outrageous gas prices. Just make sure to tether it to a lamppost if you're going to be gone for more than 5 minutes as they like to wander, especially if low on hooch.
Swimming is always an option, and good exercise.
Or do you refuse to bow down to social pressure and simply Freestyle it like the refined gentleman pictured below?

Now vote!!

What's your excuse? Poll results

2010-09-28T19:26:00.000-07:00

So once again the polls are in and the results are divided up as follows:

Unsurprisingly Otter was the go to excuse, I don't know how many times I've called in late for work with that very response - and really, who is going to question it? I'm sure most people can relate. 21% of you responded with the old 'no limbs' excuse which leads to the question of how you managed to vote in the first place. Some kind of Stephen Hawking computer I would guess. Stunningly, in second place is 'Dog on fire'. You people really need to take better care of your pets, or at least keep them away from open flame. Those things light up like gasoline.

I'll be back again tomorrow with a brand new poll. Don't act like you aren't excited.

2010-09-25T19:55:00.000-07:00

We've all heard the stories, they all start the same: a woman showers before going to sleep at night and wakes up the next morning. Perhaps a few days go by until she begins to notice an irritation of the scalp; she thinks nothing of it and goes through the same routine. A week, maybe two goes by and one morning while preening herself in the mirror she notices something. To her horror, she discovers an entire nest of Blueberries hidden amongst her hair and moustache. She immediately goes to the doctor, but by then, of course, it is too late. The Berrybush was rooted itself into her very skull, and no amount of surgery will be able to remove it. From this point on, she will be a freak and an outcast:

It's no myth. There are thousands of such victims in the United States, suffering in silence. Because of the social stigma this affliction carries with it, few of these Fruit-heads interact with society, preferring a life of seclusion surrounded only by others of their leprous kind. For this reason, word of mouth of this disease has been effectively stifled and with the news-media being in the pocket of Big Fruit very little information has gotten to the public at large.
The danger, of course, came from the Fruit-scented shampoo our hapless matron used to clean her hair. Do yourself a favor and make sure to check all products for Fruit extracts and seeds, or you may find yourself among the afflicted.

2010-09-23T12:06:00.000-07:00

I was doing some research for another blog post, when I stumbled across these photos of what appears to be sentient Fruit. These dopplegangers have taken on humanoid form, and as they continue to evolve they will no doubt be completely indistinguishable from people. There is no telling what their end game may be, but I can speculate that it will be no less than total world domination. Who knows how far they have already infiltrated our communities, families or governments? Trust no one and spread the word.

Photos from tableheads.com

Sky-Buffalo ambush an Otter dwelling aboard their massive airships

2010-09-21T23:35:00.001-07:00

New poll!

2010-09-20T18:44:00.000-07:00

This one is pretty self-explanatory so gogogo!

Poll results are in!!

2010-09-19T23:48:00.000-07:00

As you can see on the right, the polls are closed and the winner again by a large margin is Otter! If I had known this frisky Feline was so popular I would have started a blog about Otters instead of Fruit. There is some contention as to what animal family the Otter falls in to. Is it a Fish or a Rodent? Some kind of miniature aquatic Bear perhaps? The truth is nobody knows for sure, but scientists all agree on a few keys facts:
Otters lay eggs - Otter nests, or 'damns', are constructed by the mighty redwood trees which they fell themselves by gnawing all the way through the trunk with their super-hardened teeth. They build these nests high in the clouds in the form of massive wooden castles. The trees also consist of the Otters main source of nutrition, via their sap which they sop up with their long-prehensile tongues.
Otters can swim, and rarely, fly. They do this only during mating season in order to construct their wooden fortresses as I stated earlier.
Otters have no natural predators other than the sky-Buffalo. Sometimes these two species wage war in the skies, this is where thunder comes from.
Otters make good pets. They are clean, and need little exercise. They make terrific guard animals as they emit a ferocious growl akin to a Lion when they sense strangers. Just make sure to have it spayed, or it may fly away during mating season. And keep it entertained. It doesn't take much, usually a few squeaky toys and a PSP or other portable gaming device will suffice.
I hope you enjoyed this informative article and maybe even learned a few things about Otters.

2010-09-18T19:56:00.001-07:00

One night, what started out as a enjoyable romp at the zoo, ended in tragedy when young Bruce Wayne's parents were both murdered in cold blood by a Banana wielding lowlife in a mugging gone wrong. Now 15 years later, he has taken on the symbol his enemies fear in order to combat Fruit, and also crime, wherever he may find it. He is darkness. He is the night. He is FRUITBATMAN.

Fruitbatman

2010-09-17T23:06:00.000-07:00

Couldn't get this one quite finished in time for you guys, so here's a sneak peak at my new, totally original and not copied in any way character, Fruitbatman. Let me know if you can think of any improvements, and specifically ideas for better incorporating the fruit symbology(spellcheck is telling me this isn't a real word, but then again, it flags 'spellcheck' as well, so what does it know) into his costume. I'll have this finished tomorrow along with his origin.

Banana Claws desktop wallpaper

2010-09-16T18:57:00.000-07:00

Since you guys all loved this so much, I decided to turn my Banana Claw original character into a desktop background. Enjoy! Hopefully i'll have the energy for some more original content tomorrow.

Banana Claws

2010-09-15T22:27:00.000-07:00

Originally a government experiment of the Weapon B program, Banana Claws' entire bone structure was coated in unbreakable Banana and he was given mighty Banana claws which would peel out of his skin whenever he willed it and they also cut through anything. He escaped, and now fights on the side of justice, using the government's greatest weapon against them.

Original character, do not steal.

Victims of Fruit speak out

2010-09-14T15:44:00.000-07:00

"I was a rich business executive, I had all the money, fame, sucess and women I could ever want. Then I tried Fruit, and look at me now."

"One Haloween I ate a Pumkin seed, and the next morning I was pregnant. Now I'm fifteen, and I'm stuck raising a Pumpkin that I didn't want. I had to drop out of school and I'm working two minimum wage jobs just to get by. Fruit has ruined my life."

"I ate a Fruit salad thinking it was a regular salad. Now I'm completely paralyzed, the hospital bills have bankrupted my family. I wish I could die."

"I ate a Grape I found in the garbage. Now I'm dead."

New Poll

2010-09-12T15:47:00.000-07:00

It's voting time again, and this round you'll be voting for your favorite blogger.
Will it be me - Shane West? The obvious choice, I've saved countless lives through my online journalism and still have the time to make you beautiful backgrounds of Otters.
What about Ted Mason? He's not quite as handsome, or smart, but he has been making waves as an up and coming star in the dancing-by-yourself-in-the-basement championships and his thought-provoking album reviews are beloved by all and have rapidly become the standard by which people judge music.
Or will it be the reigning champion, the Otter? He doesn't write a blog, but maybe his dexterity at opening clams will be the deciding factor?

Cast your votes!

2010-09-10T22:09:00.000-07:00

No new news today about Fruit, so I'm just going to tell you about a time my good friend Ted Mason, over at Teds Reviews tried Fruit. Now he probably doesn't want me to relate this story to you all, as it's rather embarrassing, but I'm sure that in the end he'll see the value in his story being shared so that others might learn from his mistakes.
It was a friday evening, and as usual me and Ted were naked in the basement rocking out to some Insane Clown Posse when Ted unceremoniously ejected the cassette and turned the lights on. It took me a while to adjust to the light and the silence so I began hollering and stumbling blindly around the room. Several minutes later, sweaty and exhausted, we both lay on the bed.
"Dude," I uttered in between ragged breaths "what was that about? We were only halfway through Juggalo Homies feat. Twiztid, we have to get this choreography down or how are we ever going to show our parents?!"
"I dunno man," He replied "I'm just not feeling this ICP stuff anymore." I stared in shock, my mouth agape. Several more minutes passed. "Yeah," he continued "I've actually been listening to a lot of the Tragically Hips lately, really good, really trippy."
I knew something was wrong, Ted didn't like the Tragically Hips, in fact, we'd often joked about how terrible they were, referring to them as the Tragically UNhips. We'd shared many a laugh over that joke before, but now I was so distressed, the memory didn't even bring me a phantom of a smile. I slapped him in the face with both my hands.
"No!" I shouted "This is wrong! This is some cruel joke you're playing on me! You love ICP! The Tragically Hips suck!!" I started bawling.
"I used to think that," He elaborated "but that was until I tried these." He withdrew a handful of Orange segments from his pocket, intermingled with the waste of the receptacle they had one time been contained within. I stopped crying. The shock was too much - I threw up.
"You have to stop this while you still can Ted!" I pleaded "Don't go down this road, you have your whole life ahead of you." Now Ted was crying.
"Ok. I will!" He declared "I don't know what came over me. Let's flush this garbage down the toilet and finish up that dance."
"Sounds good to me pal!"

And we haven't stopped dancing since...

Poll results are in

2010-09-09T16:42:00.000-07:00

And the winner is...

Otter!!!

Thanks to everyone who participated, a new one will be up soon and the winner of each poll will move on to the next round. In the meantime, enjoy this free desktop background.

2010-09-08T19:57:00.000-07:00

I know you're all excited about the poll, so here's a picture of an otter in her otter nest to tide you over. There's still a few hours left so vote now if you haven't already.

An otter mother gently tends to her eggs.

One day left to vote in the poll

2010-09-07T12:11:00.000-07:00

2010-09-06T21:03:00.000-07:00

At this point, I hope that all of you are aware of the dangers of Fruit; but what, you may ask, about Fruit flavored candy? It's not actually Fruit, so does it carry the same inherent risks? Or could it possibly be used as a safe Fruit substitute for those going through withdrawal?

I must admit that until recently I was in the dark about this as you probably are. But this week I performed a little experiment for the benefit of my faithful readers. I obviously survived the process, though with some terrifying and unexpected results. Do not try this at home.

I made sure that I had no commitments for the rest of my day, and asked one of my good friends to act as a sitter. I handed him a sharpened table leg with instructions to drive it through my heart if things got out of hand. With everything in place I hesitantly withdrew a pack of 'Lifesavers' that I had purchased earlier in the day from an unscrupulous vending machine. I took a deep breath and popped an orange one into my mouth - I think it was supposed to be Cantaloupe.

I waited maybe twenty minutes with no apparent effect other than dry mouth an upset stomach - though that may have been nerves. Just when I was ready to deem the candy 'safe' I began to feel it. It was subtle at first, everything in my vision had taken on a slight citrus hue and when my roommate asked me if I was ok, his voice sounded distant, as if he was speaking to me from the other end of an Apple orchard.

I began seeing hallucinations, dancing Papaya taunted me with hellfire pitchforks - and even the ground beneath my feet opened up into an endless chasm into which I was falling for what seemed both like eternity yet at the same time merely a fleeting moment. I started to make out Prune like faces - images in the darkness. Events of my past played out before me, but twisted - and other things, perhaps a possible future? An overpowering voice began to overtake my every sense, and I wondered how I hadn't heard it before now; while at the same time knowing that I had heard that voice my entire life. It said to me, with the roar of rotting PasionFruit - "I LIEK CHOCOLATE MILK"

I came to soon after that. My friend said I had only been out for a few minutes, though it had seemed endless at the time. I still don't know what it means, but I still hear that voice every time it's silent. When I shut my eyes. In the moments in between moments.