BananaSplitzz

Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel?

2009-09-04T13:15:00.000+08:00

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

A really cool Google trick

2009-01-20T01:48:00.007+08:00

1. Go to http://www.google.com/

2. Click "images"
3. Fill in "bikes, flowers, cars" or any other word.
4. You will get a page with alot of images thumbnailed.
5. Now delete the URL on the addressbar (example: http://images.google.nl/images?hl=nl&q=flowers&btnG=Afbeeldingen+zoeken&gbv=2

6. Copy the script down here, and paste it in your adressbar


javascript:R= 0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI= document.images ; DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i%3cDIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute'; DIS.left=Math. sin(R*x1+ i*x2+x3)* x4+x5; DIS.top=Math. cos(R*y1+ i*y2+y3)* y4+y5}R++ }setInterval('A()',5); void(0)

javascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.getElementsByTagName("img"); DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i-DIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute'; DIS.left=(Math.tan(R*x1+i*x2+x3)*x4+x5)+"px"; DIS.top=(Math.tan(R*y1+i*y2+y3)*y4+y5)+"px"}R++}setInterval('A()',5); void(0);

javascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.images; DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i%3cDIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute'; DIS.left=Math.sin(R*x1+i*x2+x3)*x4+x5; DIS.top=Math.cos(R*y1+i*y2+y3)*y4+y5}R++}setInterval('A()',5); void(0)

javascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.getElementsByTagName("img"); DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i-DIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute'; DIS.left=(Math.sin(R*x1+i*x2+x3)*x4+x5)+"px"; DIS.top=(Math.cos(R*y1+i*y2+y3)*y4+y5)+"px"}R++}setInterval('A()',50); void(0);

javascript:R=0; x1=.1; y1=.05; x2=.25; y2=.24; x3=1.6; y3=.24; x4=300; y4=200; x5=300; y5=200; DI=document.getElementsByTagName("img"); DIL=DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i-DIL; i++){DIS=DI[ i ].style; DIS.position='absolute'; DIS.left=(Math.sin(R*1+i*x2+x3)*x1+x2)+"px"; DIS.top=(Math.cos(R*y1+i*y2+y3)*y4+y5)+"px"}R++}setInterval('A()',50); void(0);

Gifted Child

2009-01-17T04:01:00.000+08:00

TEACHER : Give me three reasons why the world is round.
Pupil : Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so!
---------------------------------------------

TEACHER : What shape is the world in?
Pupil : Rotten!

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TEACHER : Why does your geography exam have a big zero over it?
Pupil : It's not a zero, the teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead!

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TEACHER : What's you name ?
Pupil : Juan
TEACHER : You should say "Sir"
Pupil : OK, Sir Juan!

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TEACHER : I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pupil : Life imprisonment!

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TEACHER : Name four members of the cat family
Pupil : Daddy cat, mommy cat and two kittens!

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TEACHER : What is further away, Australia or the Moon ?
Pupil : Australia, you can see the Moon at night!

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TEACHER : What kind of birds do you find in captivity?
Pupil : Jailbirds !

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TEACHER : What is the plural of mouse ?
Pupil : Mice
TEACHER : Good, now what's the plural of baby?
Pupil : Twins!

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TEACHER : What's the longest word in the English language ?
Pupil : Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters!

---------------------------------------------

TEACHER : : I despair, Jose, how do you manage to get so many things wrong in a day?
Pupil : Because I always get here early sir!

---------------------------------------------

TEACHER : What do we do with crude oil?
Pupil : Teach it some manners!

---------------------------------------------

TEACHER : Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener?
Pupil : He had a bee in his suit of armour!

Check your Name With The Meaning

2009-01-16T23:11:00.002+08:00

Instructions: What you do is find out what each letter of your name means.

Then connect all the meanings and it describes YOU. (It’s TRUE)
If you have double or triple letters, just count the meaning once.

For Example: ROBIN

R = you are a social butterfly.
O = you are very open-minded.
B = You are not judgmental
I = you are always smiling and making others smile.
N = You like to work, but you always want a break.

A = you can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B = You are always cautious when it comes to meeting newpeople.
C = You definitely have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it.
D = you have trouble trusting people.
E = you are a very exciting person.
F = everyone loves you.
G = you have excellent ways of viewing people.
H = you are not judgmental.
I = you are always smiling and making others smile.
J = Jealously
K = you like to try new things.
L = Love is something you deeply believe in.
M = Success comes easily to you.
N = You like to work, but you always want a break.
O = you are very open-minded.
P = you are very friendly and understanding.
Q = you are a hypocrite.
R = you are a social butterfly.
S = you are very broad-minded.
T = You have an attitude, a big one.
U = you feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V = you have a very good physique and looks.
W = you like your privacy.
X =you never let people tell you what to do.
Y = you cause a lot of trouble.
Z = you’re always fighting with someone.

10 People with Unbelievable Talents

2009-01-13T03:05:00.013+08:00

Tu Jin-Sheng: Pulls a Truck with his Penis

As Kung Fu magazine puts it: "When a man can tow a truck with his genitals, that’s all anyone ever really remembers about him." Tu Jin-Sheng, a 50-year-old man from Taiwan, is a martial arts grandmaster of Iron Crotch, a branch of Qigong said to have 60,000 followers worldwide. On 2005, he attached his penis to a truck for a demonstration, and pulled it several yards across a car park in Fremont.

Miroslaw Magola: Moves objects with his Mind

"Remember, there is no spoon". Just like that kid from "The Matrix" movie, Miroslaw Magola --The "Magnetic Man"-- defies laws of gravity with an extraordinary ability — applying the power of psycho kinesis he can raise anything from metal pans to marble statues, transport them through the air to affix to his body, then creates a force to keep them there — simply using mind control. An avid enthusiast of the phenomenon of psychic energy, Miroslaw has developed his skill to manipulate lifeless objects in mid-air to obey his will, even forcing them spin around or shake. His mental powers are so keen that he can jump around while an object is stuck to his head without losing his mental grasp of the item. Miroslaw explains how he employs psycho kinetics to perform these uncanny feats, “It works because I load myself with energy (I connect myself to it) and at the same time I wish for the object to raise.”

Miroslaw has undergone numerous tests for his perplexing skill which remains unexplained by conventional science to date. Although Miroslaw Magola is gifted with some of the strangest abilities in the world which are generally regarded as paranormal, his book is filled with protests against exactly this form of categorization. He deals with and discusses things ‘beyond our world,’ yet describes himself as a radical rationalist and insists on his normality.

Manjit Singh: Pulls a Jet with his Ears

57 year-old Manjit Singh, called the "Ironman", holds more than 30 world records including pulling a double decker bus with his hair, lifting 85 kg with his ears, and of course, pulling a Jet also with his ears! On April 2007, Ironman pulled the aircraft -weighting approximately 7.4 tonnes- 12ft along the apron at East Midlands Airport, UK.

Speaking after the record attempt, he said: "I don't feel too bad, I have a little bit of pain around the ears but I'm ok." The attempt raised money for his charity Manjit Fitness, which aims to get children living in his native Mahilpur, India involved in sport.

Ru Anting: Writes with his Tears

56 year-old Ru Anting, Luoyang in China, has a very special talent: he can write calligraphy with water he shoots from his eyes. After sucking up some water with his nose, he then sprays it through his tear ducts, ending up on the paper.

Ru discovered his unusual talent as a child while swimming in the river. "Sometimes I would swallow water while swimming, and once I accidentally discovered the water I swallowed could be shot out through my eyes. My friends were all shocked to see it," he said.

But it wasn't until the 1990s, when Ru lost his job in a local fertilizer factory after more than 20 years, that he began to develop his unusual talent. After three years of intensive training, he found he could shoot water accurately up to 10ft from his eyes at will.

Michel Lotito: Eats Everything

French entertainer Michel Lotito is known as Monsieur Mangetout (Mister Eat-it-all). As a famous consumer of undigestables, Lotito's performances are the consumption of metal, glass, rubber and so on in items such as bicycles, televisions, a Cessna 150, and smaller items which are disassembled, cut-up and swallowed. The aircraft took roughly two years to be 'eaten' from 1978 to 1980. He began eating unusual material while a child and has been performing publicly since 1966.

Lotito does not often suffer from ill-effects due to his diet, even after the consumption of materials usually considered poisonous. When performing he consumes around a kilogram of material daily, preceding it with mineral oil and drinking considerable quantities of water during the 'meal'. He apparently possesses a stomach and intestine with walls of twice the expected thickness, and his digestive acids are, allegedly, unusually powerful, allowing him to digest a certain portion of his metallic meals.

Thai Ngoc: Needs no Sleep

Sixty-four-year-old Thai Ngoc, a vietnamese farmer, is known around the world for a unique talent: he needs no sleep. After getting a fever in 1973, we hasn't been able to sleep and has counted infinite numbers of sheep during more than 11,700 consecutive sleepless nights. "I don't know whether the insomnia has impacted my health or not. But I'm still healthy and can farm normally like others," Ngoc said. Proving his health, the elderly resident of Que Trung commune, Que Son district said he can carry two 50kg bags of fertilizer down 4km of road to return home every day.

Ngoc currently lives on his 5ha farm at the foot of a mountain busy with farming and taking care of pigs and chickens all day. His six children live at their house in Que Trung. Ngoc often does extra farm work or guards his farm at night to prevent theft, saying he used three months of sleepless nights to dig two large ponds to raise fish.

Zhang Quan: Claps as Loud as a Helicopter

70 year-old Zhang Quan is hoping to get into the record books - by clapping his hands. His claps measured 107 decibels, just three decibels lower than whirling helicopter blades. The bad news? local environmental protection officials say Zhang is so loud, he could face arrest for noise pollution if he claps too often.

Wei Mingtang: Blows up Balloons with his Ears

Wei Mingtang, 55, is a factory worker from Guilin city, in Guangxi province, China. About 30 years ago he discovered his ears leaked air, so he came up with the idea of using his ears and a pipe for his -now famous- act: inflate balloons with his ears!

On a recent city Spring Festival Party, Wei also blew out 20 candles in a line within 20 seconds using a hose leading out from his ears.

Claudio Pinto: Pops both of his Eyes

48-year-old brazilian man Claudio Pinto hopes for a place in the record books for an amazing talent: he can pop both eyes 95% out of their sockets. Pinto has undergone various tests and doctors say they have never seen or heard of a person who can pop the eyes as much as him.

The man from Belo Horizonte, said: "It is a pretty easy way to make money. I can pop my eyes out four centimetres each, it is a gift from God, I feel blessed."

Paul Oldfield: World's Only Flatulist

Mr Methane, alias former train driver Paul Oldfield, claims to be the only performing professional flatulist in the world, or more precisely, a "professional farter". His 'talent' came to light when he accompanied his sister in yoga practice. There, he discovered - to his surprise and delight - that he was able to take in air through the rear, retain it, and then expel it as and when he chose. At first, it was nothing more than a party trick to entertain fellow railwaymen, but eventually Mr Methane found that by careful control, he could pick out a simple tune.

3 eggs and a little cash!

2009-01-13T02:49:00.000+08:00

A women on her deathbed called her husband and instructed him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found. He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7,000 in cash he found in the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for.
"Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box".
Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then he asked, "But what about the $7,000?"
"Oh that", she replied, "every time I got a dozen I sold them.

Expecting raise in salary 18+

2009-01-13T01:27:00.000+08:00

Subject: request a raise in salary

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

1. I do physical labor.

2. I work at great depths.

3. I plunge head first into everything I do.

4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

5. I work in a damp environment.

6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.

7. I work in high temperatures.

8. My work exposes me to diseases.

~~~~~~

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the
arguments you have raised, the management denies your request for the following
reasons:

1. You do not work 8 hours straight.

2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after
EACH brief work period.

3. You do not always follow the orders of the management
team.

4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often
seen visiting other locations.

5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.

6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end
of your shift.

7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations,
such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

8. You will retire LONG before you are 65.

9. You are unable to work double shifts.

10. You sometimes leave your designated area before
you have completed the assigned task

11. And if that were not all, you have constantly been seen
entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-
looking bags.

Sincerely, The Management

~~~~~~

5 reasons not to be a penis...

1. You're bald your whole life.

2. You have a hole in your head.

3. Your neighbors are nuts

4. The guy behind you is an ass hole and..

5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint.

5 + 5

2009-01-13T01:23:00.000+08:00

Son to sardar : abba, 5+5 Kitna hota hai?

Sardar : Ullu, gadhe, idiot, nalayak, besharam, haram khor, tujhe kuch nahi aata.

Jaa andar se calculator lekar aa.!!!!!

Gifts

2009-01-13T01:22:00.001+08:00

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light. Next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you've got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid said, "Yeah."

The cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid took the ticket, but before he rode off he said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

Funeral For A Friend:

2009-01-13T01:19:00.000+08:00

Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor said, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it Tim?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth, and then replied, "That's because he's still inside your stupid cat."

A Drunkard in Court

2009-01-13T01:17:00.002+08:00

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted,"Order! Order!"
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."

Jurassic Park.

2009-01-13T01:17:00.001+08:00

This sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat.

His friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" (What Sardarji? Why are you afraid, its only a cinema?!!).

Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "( I am an intelligent man, I know it is a movie, but does that animal know?)

Two Old Women

2009-01-13T01:14:00.002+08:00

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!'.

The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"

KBC Auditions

2009-01-13T01:10:00.001+08:00

It might be a bit long. But its worth reading. (Requirements: Good Command over Hindi Language.)

Since Amitabh Bachchan's contract for Kaun Banega Crorepati is going to expire soon, here are a few persons who could audition for the show.

Nana Patekar: Jaldi se jawab bol. Sahi jawab tere ko lakhpati bana dalega.Galat jawab tere ko hijda bana dega.

Shatrughan Sinha: Khamosh! Bihari babu ke saamne zaban chalata hai. Tera cheque phaad ke phek doonga.

Dharmendra: Galat jawab ! Kutte Kameene, main tera khoon pee jaoonga.

Amrish Puri: Sahi jawab ! Mogambo khush hua !

Amjad Khan: Kitne options the? Chaar ! Soover ke bachchon ! Chaar chaar options ! Bahut nainsaafi hai ! Dhish-keoin Dhish-keoin ! 50-50 kar ke do galat jawab main uda diye. Ab bol, tera kya hoga kaaliya?

Sanjay Dutt: Aye item log, kaye ko udhar khada hai? Idhar aake mere pass baith jaa. Kya be chikne - tere ko aata hai to bol dal varna main tere ko idhar-eech phod dalega.

Raj Kumar: Jaani, huuum, hhhuuuum hote to apne dost ko phone kar ke sawaal pooch lete.

Jagdeep: Bole to Soorma Bhopali - meri jeb ho gayi khaali. Mere pass to koi cheque nahin hain. Arre mujhko jaane do.

Mithun Chakraborty: Eeyaeech ! Tu audience poll karega ? Aye, yahan ke public ke paas time nahin hai. Kya nahin hai? Time nahin hai.

Kesto Mukherji: Hee-heek. Hee-yaik. Apne ko sab kuch do-do dikh rahela hai.Hee-heek. Yeh aath options kidhar se aa gaye? Hee-yok. Apne ko bahut chad gayeli hai.

Ashok Kumar: To abhi aapne yeh dekha ( wheeze ), ki yahan se Delhi ke Ramesh Kumar ( gasp), yahan se Rs 20,000 leke chale gaye. ( groan ). Kal aur dus logon ko leke phir milenge Hum Log (croak ).

Jail

2009-01-13T01:07:00.000+08:00

A white guy, a Chinese guy, and a Hispanic guy are breaking out of jail. They get all the way to the top of a hill, and at the bottom there is a barbed wired fence. The white guy says, 'O.k. whatever happens when you hit the ground DON'T SCREAM!'

The white guy goes first, he breaks a leg, doesn't scream.

The Chinese guy goes he breaks a arm, doesn't scream.

Then the Hispanic guy goes, and screams his head off! The other two ask him why he screamed so he points at the fence and says, 'Looky, looky, balls on hooky.'

Female Software Programming

2009-01-13T00:57:00.000+08:00

Structure: female_professionals
{double styles;
Short skirts;
Long time_to_understand_ problems;float mind;
Void knowledge;
Char non_co-operative; }

Structure: married_females
{double weight;
Short tempered;
Long gossip;
Float hopes;
Void word;
Char unstable;}

Structure: engaged_females
{double time_on_phone;
Short attention_on_ work;
Long boast;
Float on_cloud_nine;
Void understanding;
Char edgy;}

Structure: newly_married_ females
{double dinner_invitation;
Short time_at_work;
Long lunch_break;
Void bank_balance;
Char hen_pecked;}

Structure: husband_wife_ professionals
{double income;
Short tempered;
Long time_no_see_ each_other;
Void love_life;
Char money_making; }

Structure: beautiful_city_ girl
{double boyfriends;
Short affairs;
Long stories;
Void greymatter;
Char flirt;}

Struct: old_lady
{double chin;
Short memory;
Long sighs ;
Void attention_from_ men;
Char chatterbox;}

Santa & Banta got tired using cell phones

2008-12-21T04:13:00.000+08:00

Santa & Banta got tired using cell phones. For a change, they decided to use pigeons to send messages. And this scheme worked very fine.

One day Santa sends his pigeon.

Banta sees the pigeon is without any message. He picked his mobile and asks Santa: The pigeon is without any message!!!

Santa: Oye khotey, that was a missed call.

What is the chemical formula of water?

2008-12-21T04:09:00.000+08:00

Chemistry Teacher: What is the chemical formula of water?

Student: HIJKLMNO.

Chemistry Teacher: What are you talking about?

Student: Yesterday you said H to O.

Honorable MEN

2008-12-18T03:13:00.000+08:00

Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man)

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man, and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.

You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.

Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it! - "WE ARE HONORABLE MEN!"

100% privacy No Body Can See What You Doing On Your PC !

2008-12-15T17:36:00.000+08:00

~ Tips & Tricks for Symbians ~

2008-12-08T01:06:00.000+08:00

Tip 1 : Do u know how to use the edit button (abc or pencil button)?
Heres how... in the inbox for example; u wanna delete multiple sms, simply hold the edit button, scroll down, and then, press c to delete the marked sms. The edit button can also b used to copy and past text in sms, simply hold it and scroll across, choose copy. pretty good for placing song names in ngages

Tip 2 : Shit happens, on a smartphone, its inevitable u do something wrong, and tis calls for a format of fone. to format the fone, press *#7370#, then enter the lock code, which is the sec code of the fone. NOTE: batt must b full, else if format is disrupted by low batt, consequences will b disatrous
I heard the code *#7780# works too, pretty much the same i tink.
for 6600 users, to format the fone, theres an alternative way. Press and hold <3>, <*> and Call (Send) buttons, then power on fone, keep holding on the 3 buttons, till u come to a format screen. this method ONLY works on 6600, and need not enter the sec code. BUT sec code would be reset to default 12345.

Tip 3 : TO NGAGE USERS; Did u know u can install .sis files simply using the cable given? Juz plug it in, place the .sis file anywhere on e: (the mmc), not in any folders, root of e:, disconnect, then look for it in manager.

Tip 4:Save on battery and system memory being used by regulary checking the task manager which can be accessed by holding down the menu button!!

Tip 4a:Set the screen saver to a short time out period to prolong battery life.

Tip 4b: Avoid restarting the phone, or repeatedly turning it on and off. This helps increase battery life.

Tip 5: Type *#06# to display your IMEI serial number, very valuable for the unlocking your phone to other sim cards

Tip 6: Type *#0000# to view which firmware version you are running

Tip 7: If you would like to avoid being "blue jacked", keep bluetooth turned off, or set your phone's visibility to hidden.

Tip 8: Don't want to carry a watch and a phone? Set the screen saver to show date and time, then you can ditch the watch.

Tip 9: Save memory when installing apps, by installing over bluetooth. This can be done using the nokia phone suite and a bluetooth serial connection. Only works with .SIS files, so java still has to be sent to the phone, but will save space when using .SIS files.

Tip 10: Operator logos
Use a filemanager like FExplorer or SeleQ to add the folders: "c:/system/Apps/phone/oplogo". Add a .bmp picture to folder "oplogo" and restart your phone! The .bmp picture size needs to be: 97 x 25 pixels

Tip 11: Check if the recepients phone is on
Delivery reports
or
Type *0# your message in the message composer window space then write your message, the recipient will not see the star zero hash bit - just the message When they read it it will relay a message back to your fone showing the time they recieved it. (haven't yet tried it myself though)

Tip 12: BlueJacking
First up, you need to know what Bluetooth is. There are lots of types of modern devices that incorporate Bluetooth as one of their many features. PDAs, mobile phones and laptops are a few of these modern devices. Bluetooth means that Bluetooth enabled devices can send things like phonebook/address book contacts, pictures & notes to other Bluetooth enabled devices wirelessly over a range of about 10 metres. So, we've got past the boring part. Now, using a phone with Bluetooth, you can create a phonebook contact and write a message, eg. 'Hello, you've been bluejacked', in the 'Name' field. Then you can search for other phones with Bluetooth and send that phonebook contact to them. On their phone, a message will popup saying "'Hello, you've been bluejacked' has just been received by Bluetooth" or something along those lines. For most 'victims' they will have no idea as to how the message appeared on their phone.

Tip 13: While you are viewing a picture in your phone's gallery, press one of these shortcut keys (definitely works on 6600, not sure about other symbians)
1 - turn image anticlockwise
3 - turn image clockwise
* - toggle on/off of full screen
5 - zoom in
0 - zoom out
#15 u can select all files in a folder by selecting THE folder and copy it then paste it somewhere. however u need to make a new directory. fexplorer wun let u copy that folder together. well seleQ can mark files to copy but it really takes time!
#16: A soft and Hard reset
A Soft-reset - the process of resetting all the settings of the phone to the factory default! No applications are deleted! A Hard-reset is like formatting a drive! It does format the memory. Everything that has been installed after the first use of the phone is deleted! It will recover the memory of the phone to the state you purchased it! It is done by inputing the following code: *#7370# NOTE: The battery must be full or the charger has to be connected to the phone so that it does not run out of power and make the phone unusable.
#17: Formats of images
supported ones: JPG UPF GIF87a/89a WBMB MBM TIFF/F PNG EXIF
How to copy & paste text in your Nokia 3650:
Press and hold the pencil key and select your text using the scroll key.
Left function key will change to 'Copy'. Press it to copy the selected text to clipboard.
You can paste the clipboard contents the same way:
press and hold the pencil key and press 'Paste'. Or, press pencil key once and select 'Paste'.
Press and hold the Menu key to open the application switching window, where you can *duh* switch between applications.
If a program hangs and you can't shut it down, select the application in the
application switching window and press 'C' to kill it. It's also a faster way to exit programs.
Turn on/off the "click" sound made by the camera by selecting the 'Silent' profile or by turning warning tones on/off:
Menu > Profiles > "select your activated profile" > Personalise > Warning tones > On/Off.
(This also effects the sound of Java games and apps).
To change background image go to:
Menu > Tools > Settings > Phone > Standby mode > Background image > Yes > "choose an image".
The best size for background images is 174x132 pixels.
Only got blue, green and purple in your 3650 colour palette?
This free app adds 3 more colours: Palette Extender.
Display an image when someone's calling:
Menu > Contacts > "select a contact card" > Options > Edit > Options > Add thumbnail > "choose an image".
Add a personal ringing tone to a contact:
Menu > Contacts > "select a contact card" > Options > Open > Options > Ringing tone > "choose a ringing tone".
Delete all messages from your Inbox at once:
Menu > Messaging > Inbox > Options > Mark/Unmark > Mark all > Options > Delete.
Send or hide your caller ID: Go to: Menu > Tools > Settings > Call > Send My
Caller ID > 'Yes', 'No' or 'Set By Network' to follow the default settings of your home network.
If you often copy large files to your MultiMedia Card, I recommend a card reader.
E.g. With a card reader it takes only 12 seconds to copy a 10 MB file!
Record the sound of a phone call using the (sound) Recorder.
Menu > Extra's > Recorder > Options > Record sound clip.
Note: short beeps are audible during call registration.
But there is a 60 second limitation so if you want unlimited sound recording get this app: Extended Recorder.
While writing text, press "#" to switch between upper and lower case and Dictonary on/off (predictive text input).
Press and hold "#" to switch between Alpha mode and Number mode.
Keyboard shortcuts for zooming and rotating images in Images:
1 = zoom in, 0 = zoom out, press and hold to return to the normal view.
2 = rotate anticlockwise, 9 = rotate clockwise, * = full screen.
In standby mode, press and hold the right soft key to activate voice dialling.
To add a voice tag to a phone number, open a contact card and scroll to the phone number and select:
Options > Add voice tag.
You can customize both soft keys located below the screen (in standby mode):
Menu > Tools > Settings > Phone > Standby mode > Left/Right selection key > "select an application".

A new vacuum cleaner

2008-12-02T16:58:00.000+08:00

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this dung!" exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady

MORAL: Gather all requirements and resources before working on any project and committing to the client...!!!

Why wedding ring should be put on the fourth finger ??

2008-11-24T03:04:00.000+08:00

Pls follow the below step, really god make this a miracle( this is from a chinese excerpt)

1.) Firstly, show your palm, centre finger bend and put together back to back
2.) Secondly, the rest 4 fingers tips to tips
3.) Games begin, follow the below arrangement, 5 finger but only 1 pair can split

3251

4.) Try to open your thumb, the thumb represent parents, it can be open cause all human does go thru sick and dead. Which is our parents will leave us one day
5.) Pls close up your thumb, then open your second finger, the finger represent brothers and sisters, they do have their own family which is too they will leave us too
6.) Now close up your second finger, open up your little finer, this represent your children. Sooner or later they too will leave us for they got they own living to live
7.) Nevertheless, close up your little finer, try to open your fourth finger which we put our wedding ring, you will be surprise to find that it cannot be open at all. Because it represent husband and wife, this whole life you will be attach to each other

Real love will stick together ever and forever

Thumb represent parents
Second finger represent brothers & sisters
Centre finger represent own self
Fourth finger represent your partner
Last finger represent your children

Yes Guys, ur partner of life is the greatest relative of urs, because not only U share with him/her ur life, but also mind, body, soul, bed, .....etc. etc. which U cannot share with any one else, so be faithfull to ur partner & love him/her to the maximum, because Love begets Love

Underground Train In Korea.... :-O

2008-11-18T02:36:00.005+08:00

Take a look at those picture.....think how creative......!!!!!

Why not to mix Beer n Viagra

2008-11-17T22:05:00.000+08:00