I’m still struggling to determine whether or not this is a legitimate shot or if there is some post production foul play going on. I guess at the end of the day, it really isn’t worth spending time examining the ball-to-bottle impact when examining the blondie’s legs is just as viable an option…

Similar lists have been made, but I needed to compile my own because every one I have seen includes Roseanne being obnoxious, and omits the complete audio file of Carl Lewis butchering the United States’ National Anthem – which is, in my opinion, the cornerstone of any Star Mangled Banner compilation.

Because July 4th is right around the corner, I wear my patriotism low on my brow and present The Star Mangled Banner: 6 Mind Deafening Awesomely Terrible Renditions Of The US National Anthem (And Two Other Butcherings).

6. California’s Castro Valley High School’s 2008 Homecoming

You would think Castro Valley High ASB would hold some sort of audition for this sort of thing, and they probably did, only the ostrich squawking into the microphone was probably also in charge of holding the auditions…

5. Kat DeLuna In Dallas

If you’re going to butcher the Anthem, you might as well do so with your chest out and your chin up. In 2008, 20 year-old Kat DeLuna did just that – which strangely reminds me of the time I walked to kindergarten with no pants on, arrogant and failing to notice my pants were amiss and my tighty-whities, like DeLuna’s voice, were sharply accented with the residue of an improperly wiped 6 year-old ass.

Embarrassing? Sure, but not as embarrassing as doing it in front of 56 thousand strangers would have been.

4. Really Enthusiastic Dude

“Who bright stripes and bright stars!”

3. Ice Hockey Girl

Once you blow the National Anthem and consciously decide to drop the mic and run for cover, never, ever, ever, ever, return to mic and try to resume singing to an angry grip of hockey fans, especially when it means returning to the ice…

2. Carl Lewis

The video needs to be watched to get a feel of where this classic butchering takes place, but to fully understand what went down in 1993, you must listen to the audio file below. It’s genius, really.

Carl Lewis – National Anthem

1. Police Officer In Chattanooga Tennessee

Should have won an Oscar for editing.

Butchering #1: The B-Team, Because The A-Team Had Better Shit To Do

Which country’s National Anthem this is is irrelevant. What really matters is that you hear the one dude in the back of the B-team that keeps blowing a single note, not loud enough to stand out, but just loud enough to be heard.

It’s like when you’re driving in the car trying to sing along to a song you don’t know very well and your buddy turns the song down to say something, and all of a sudden it’s just you and hum of the engine, so you mumble a few more words toward the window and pretend like you knew what you were singing before it got awkward. It’s like that, just with brass instruments that sound like kazoos.

Butchering #2: O’mazing Grace

Because Amazing Grace wouldn’t have been as O’mazingly terrible. It’s not a National Anthem, but it might as well have been.

Believe it or not, good actor Matt Damon is/was buddies with not so good actor Matthew McConaughey (though I’ll admit, he deserves a nod for his part in Tropic Thunder).

The time the pair spent together consisted primarily of taking their shirts off and oiling each others bodies down, which yielded Damon two things – more chicks, and a pretty damn good McConaughey impression.

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Is it weird that I’m currently watching a movie about an actor who plays a POW in Vietnam and is then taken hostage in ‘Nam, for real? (Tropic Thunder, those facts about the story line might be slightly off).

“What do you mean, ‘my people’?”

“Flying from Los Angeles to New York for a signing at Jim Hanley’s Universe Wednesday (May 13th), I was flagged at the gate for ‘extra screening’. I was subjected to not one, but two invasive searches of my person and belongings. TSA agents then ‘discovered’ the script for Unthinkable #3. They sat and read the script while I stood there, without any personal items, identification or ticket, which had all been confiscated.”

“The minute I saw the faces of the agents, I knew I was in trouble. The first page of the Unthinkable script mentioned 9/11, terror plots, and the fact that the (fictional) world had become a police state. The TSA agents then proceeded to interrogate me, having a hard time understanding that a comic book could be about anything other than superheroes, let alone that anyone actually wrote scripts for comics.”

“I cooperated politely and tried to explain to them the irony of the situation. While Unthinkable blurs the line between fiction and reality, the story is based on a real-life government think tank where a writer was tasked to design worst-case terror scenarios. The fictional story of Unthinkable unfolds when the writer’s scenarios come true, and he becomes a suspect in the terrorist attacks.

“In the end, I feel my privacy is a small price to pay for educating the government about the medium.”

SF Scope via Boing Boing.

The lineman sitting on your face is just a bonus.

Low Quality Kelly Brook Bikini Pics match the quality of her acting - Arizona - June 23, 2009

Put down the butter knife emo bunny…