Barby With a Y Bytch

Smiley Face Emoji

2017-01-21T01:40:00.002-07:00

I don't even know where to start. I guess with a hello? Hi. I think I forgot how to do this.

Where's the emojis on this thing?

My last recorded blog post was in 2013. I can't even believe it. I don't feel like this is like riding a bike. I just had a moment where I forgot how to copy and paste on my actual laptop. Is blogging even a thing anymore?

WHERE'S THE EMOJIS ON THIS THING?!?

I have so many things to write about, and I don't know how or where to start. I guess I'm going to start by getting my feet wet, again. Needless to say, there's a lot. So much. 4 years deep of water to start splashing around.

I will say that at one time in my life, I loved my blog so much. I love writing. Before I jump the gun and start ranting about what has happened in the last 4 chapters, I just want to post that I'm here for now. And to maybe make the handful of guys I've dated in that time start nibbling on their nails wondering what I might write about.

Oh, some things never change.

But I am however cringing at my last post. A bag of dicks?!? Good lord. If I spend too much time reading what I've posted, I may never come back.

Remember the music? Man, I really really loved that part about this blog.

Heart emoji!

Dear Blog...

2013-08-09T03:04:00.001-06:00

Hi.. Ummm....

(Awkwardly looks away from computer screen and fiddles with her weave)

How you've been? I think about you here and there. I often wonder what happened to our relationship. There was a time I couldn't wait to log on and tell you everything. And now, I don't even know what to say to you. Maybe I said too much. Maybe I didn't say enough. I'm not sure when it was that our relationship stopped. But just know that it isn't you. This is just my pattern. You see, it's been a hard year, and instead of coming on here to share with you all that has happened, I shut off. I sometimes posted things, and then deleted them. Or sometimes just thought about posting stuff, but felt like you no longer deserved to know how I felt. Silent was the only way I could deal with all this.

Cue The Violin.....s!

Fuck It!!

Cue The Orchestra.

All this? you ask? (Even though you didn't really ask because blogs can't talk...ish). Is there something weird about someone knowing all the things intimate in your life? Is it strange to be so open? Is it ok to share everything? It no longer felt like I positive and fun outlet. It became dark, and heavy and all that I seemed to talk about is how sad and how hard things were, and honestly, it just didn't seem like it was helping anything. It felt yucky. It felt that if I talked about anything I would be "talking shit" or putting someone on blast (which I will admit with pure honesty that I do that from time to time) BUT ONLY because people are assholes. Takes one to know one.

I don't name names and I blur out faces, but for some reason people still get upset with me. I guess I'm trying to decided or figure out, why I give a shit. Since when do I give a shit what people think, or know? isn't that what's made my blog what it is?

Nothing but the truth.... So help me God?
AKA Bob Dylan.

GOD loves me!

I'm not sure if my blog was a phase. It did serve a purpose at the time. It did get a lot of loving and positive feedback. And for that, I thank you all. I felt like writing is what I did to stay busy and distract from things, and feelings. By doing what felt good, which was posting things, and expressing my feelings. This blog was my spot. A friend. A trust. A hairdresser. And, most importantly, ME!

When did I stop being me?

Did it help? I think so. I think when this blog was shinning bright, so was I. I guess blogs are like any other relationship. Ups and downs. Post and no post. I lost the fact that writing is truly soooo therapeutic. Well, that and my yellow Forever 21 weekly obsession. And if you act like you're too good for F21, you can suck a bag of dick.

And NO, those don't come gluten free.

*Oh yes, I remember now why I loved to blog.

To accessories the word FFFFuck and Diiiiick at my leisure.

Kiss and makeup!

Memory Box.

2013-06-17T11:37:00.001-06:00

There's those people that come into your life. They make things exciting. They make you smile a couple inches bigger. They make you laugh one notch louder.

At times, these people come in and out of your life. They make your tears a ton more meaningful. They make your heart a tiny bit more critical.

They say that with time we forget the bad memories. The sadness. The pain. And we tend to hold on to the good things in our memory box.

*That's why forgetting helps you learn: as less relevant information becomes inaccessible, we are naturally left with the information that is most important to our survival.

If it didn't work this way, we would never survive. And we would be less likely to embrace the next batch of good things that you won't forget.

And if you're lucky, you'll find this person, and share the memory box. Our hearts are resilient.

The Story. Part 1.

2013-06-01T23:37:00.000-06:00

I was born is Mexico City in 1977. I was born into a marriage of 2 people who loved one another (so I thought). I had a brother. I had loving Grandparents and a mother who never fell short in showing us how much she loved us. I grew up in a loving environment. I went to private school. I had fancy dressed. I never came from money, but I did however have my Grandmas fancy ways.

When I was 3, my parents split and so did my father. My Grandfather was the only Father I ever had in life. After my mother reunited with the Mormon missionary that she connected with when she was 15...Ok, so he (the missionary) decided that he was going back to Mexico to look for my mother, after serving on a mission at the age of 18 and realized he was still in love with my mother. He dropped his wife and 12 kids and headed to Mexico City in search of his long lost Latin lover..my mother.

Good God...
I mean, Good Gosh.

I was 9 years old and my brother was 8. My mother, 5 years out of a divorce, met up with the Mormon missionary from her past and decided that the feeling was mutual (aka no sex before marriage..ish.)

My Mother packed up her life in Mexico City (including leaving my Grandma and Grandfather) and her 2 kids and loaded up a car with our belongings, her 2 kids, and a Mormon, and there we were. On our way to...

UTAH!!!

Picture this- In a car, in the middle of summer, for 5 days, with ABBA playing the whole time. Until this day I can't hear an ABBA song without wanting to find the nearest rest stop. So I can punch myself in the face, repeatedly.

I got to Salt Lake City Utah. I was cultures shocked. Confused. Bitter. This city was a trip. Where are all of the cabs? Why is everything closed at 8pm? And why is there no hot sauce anywhere? AND what the hell is this no alcohol and hussiness, or I will won't go to where?!? Can I have coffee??

QUE???

WHERE AM I???

FML!!

I missed my Grandparents. My School. My fast paced life of big city, noise and tacos. I was a very depressed 9 year old. I was in a "slow" class in school because I didn't speak English. I was in that class thinking to myself I'm not slow, I just don't speak English. Kids made fun of my moon boots. Hello, Gringos, I'm from Mexico, and my feet can't handle this snow, and my mom made me wear them.

Aye, PINCHE...

The transition was weird. The relationship with the Mormon and my Mom ended. He went back to his wife and kids, and my mother was now in this strange place, with 2 kids, as a single mother, again. We were poor. Well, we were the roof-over-our-heads kinda poor. You know, hotdog meat in the eggs, and spam meat kinda poor. Bye Bye fancy dresses. Hello thrift stores (which by the way I love now).

I know my mom did the best she could. She really really did. Being a single mom with a full time job and kids. My Brother and I did our own thing. I grades suffered. We rebelled. We failed in our own way. My mother suffered. I'm 35 now, and I still don't have a clue what I'm doing at times. I've done the best I could. I think I have done ok. And now I know that my Mother did too. Being a Mother really puts your own Mother into prospective.

My life has been less than perfect. I didn't grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth. I didn't have a father who would scare the boys away, or that I could call when ever I was in trouble. But, I can't help but look at my life and realize that I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't have those "shit's fucked" moments in my life. I'm a strong person because of these things. I'm more aware of who I am, and who I don't want to be now, more than I ever have. They gave my life character. They gave my life a journey. They gave me LIFE. Not to mention stories to blog about.

Here's the big kicker....
my last relationship was with a Mormon.

TO BE CONTINUED.......

Convos With Steve.

2013-06-01T23:24:00.000-06:00

Steve: Let's watch Rocknolla.

Me: Is this another guy flick. I can't take another guy flick.

Steve: NO. well., it's kind of a guy flick. A Guy Richie flick.

Me: What's wrong with him?
Steve: He's drunk and he's sad.
Me: Why is he drunk?
Steve: Because he's sad.
Me: Why is he sad?
Steve: Because he's drunk.

Steve: It's like the rational thinking. I think you get it... eventually, but you don't at the time. It's like 2 + 2 = 4. You know that but at the time, you're like 2 + 2 = 5,

Me: Why doesn't he know it's 5? Why doesn't he get it?

Steve: You commit to the 5. You over commit.

Me: I hate math.

*I ask a lot of "why's" because I'm a 5 year old.

Vagabond Radio

2013-01-22T16:59:00.001-07:00

I'm on KRCL again. I decided to call it Vagabond radio for the fact that I just love all the different genres of music and all the different eras. I will take you on a journey.

You can download the KRCL for free and listen from your phone if you're not a SLC local.

This stuff makes me very happy. I'm very excited.

Scarlett O'Boy

2012-12-25T17:02:00.000-07:00

Christmas day. A day where I usually get left behind as my son goes on his journey to the "other side" of his family. And staying true to my own Christmas tradition, of remaining single during the holidays. I am home writing, and watching Gone With The Wind.

I don't know why it has taken me so long to watch this movie. I mean, it's only suppose to me the best movie of ALL time. I'm not sure if it's one of those movies that I was afraid of watching, fearing it would take it off the pedestal that the world has put it on. I might have even been afraid to see it. Maybe even a little timid. Hell, I've owned the movie for 4 years. In fact, I bought it 4 Christmases ago. It's remained in the back of my DVD collection, unwrapped, unwatched and collecting dust.

Until today...

I could not help but relate to Scarlett. Tragic little lady. Feisty little thing. Even though I have never paraded around in a huge early 19th century dress, or spoke in that fast old movie female voice...I have, however. been just as dramatic as Miss O'Hara. Crying fits, and confessing my love to the wrong man. I couldn't help but wonder if I have walked around most of my adult life with that grimed Scarlett O'Hara troubled look on my face.

Or...

achieving to reveal my dark side...

But at the same time, I couldn't understand her..

Here was this man. Who manhandled her and adored her. And she was a bitch...
Pushed him away. Said mean things.

Just to realize that I truly DID relate.
I don't quite understand myself.

The old movie embrace.
What all women look forward to as little girls.
The man who kisses you with such passion.
The man who could and would only love you.

Even though Scarlett was far much more of a badass then I expected.

She helped birth a child.

She shot a Yankee dead in the face.

But never knowing what she had... until he frankly didn't give a damn!

Like Scarlett O'Hara...life too, is a bitch.

And of course the last line in the movie. Spoken like a true irrational-confused-emotional, and at times crazy woman....

"I'll go home. And I'll think of some way to get him back. After all... tomorrow is another day."

Ugly Mag Interview

2012-12-19T15:07:00.000-07:00

Since I have came on as the music journalist for UGLY MAGAZINE so much has happened. My idea to interview bands with a camera, has now snowballed from one video I did, to a job with the magazine and getting the chance to talk about it on TV. I'm so excited and tickled about all this is going on. I plan to stay motivated. I'm super passionate about it so, it doesn't seem like work.

Here is our interview with the Daily Dish this morning.

MILLIONYOUNG

2012-12-19T15:06:00.003-07:00

I got a chance to talk to the guys of MILLIONYOUNG for my latest interview. They were very down to earth, and I enjoyed getting to know them before the interview, while we talked music over Jack Daniel's and Dr Peppers. After, I took the guys out for some good ol' mexican food. I would go as far as to say they are my new pals.

Great guys.

Great music

Blood Orange

2012-11-23T14:26:00.002-07:00

Blood Orange

The project of Dev Hynes, is killing me softly at the moment. The British composer, songwriter, producer, artist and author, who has written for artists such as Florence and the Machine, Diana Vickers and The Chemical Brothers, is now in front of the limelight. The limelight that he has helped other artist get in front of. I have really enjoyed seeing these producers and song writers as their own artist.

The album Coastal Grooves is a stylish album, that will make you want to wear something slinky while partaking. And you males, will be booty texting your little thumbs off. It's seductive and will leave you wondering what took over you for the duration of the album. Taking its influence from the after-hours environment of New York City in the ’80s. Blood Orange does a great job of taking you on a journey. Slinky dress and all.

She. Him.

2012-11-13T23:46:00.000-07:00

She: Do I turn you on?

Him: Yes, a lot.

She: Then what's the problem?

Him: It's complicated.

Update.

2012-11-13T12:00:00.003-07:00

Hi there. Long time no talk. Hi blog. Long time no write.

*Sigh*

So here's what's up. I one day woke up and had that thought "What do you want to do with your life?" and I thought well, I love music and I love talking, so I want to interview bands. So, I set up an interview with the band Geographer, when the came rolling into town. I went in VERY nervous, but for my first interview, I think I did well. The guys were so great, nice, charming, and I will always thank them for allowing me to interview them as my first band. Thank you, guys.

Here is the interview.

I was crying tears of joy after, because I finally did it. This is something that I wanted to do for a really long time. I don't know if out of fear or lack of believing I could do it, I always made excuses as to why I couldn't. I decided that if I'm going to do anything that I'm passionate about, I had to stop doing that to myself. So I just freaking did it. And it was an amazing feeling. We humans are funny like that.

In return, I landed a gig as the music journalist for uglymag.com.

Everything is well here. I'm doing well. I'm never short of breakups, as I am just fresh out of another heartache. But I'm doing good. When people tell you to "do you". I get it now. I'm doing me. Literally, doing myself. I'm not going to focus on any guy or even entertain the thought right now. It's my turn. BUT that doesn't mean I'm not going to keep writing about the topic. Oh hell, it's not like I have been writing much anymore.

I miss you and this blog.

Slave To Love

2012-10-01T14:48:00.000-06:00

Tell her I'll be waiting in the usual place. With the tired and weary and there's no escape. To need a woman you've got to know. How the strong get weak and the rich get poor. Slave to love. You're running with me. Don't touch the ground. We're the restless hearted. Not the chained and bound. The sky is burning. A sea of flame Though your world is changing I will be the same. Slave to love. No I can't escape I'm a slave to love.

The storm is breaking or so it seems. We're too young to reason to grown up to dream. Now spring is turning your face to mine. I can hear your laughter. I can see your smile. Slave to love. No I can't escape. I'm a slave to love. Slave to love. no. I can't escape. I'm a slave to love.

A Bigot & A BYtch.

2012-09-14T15:47:00.001-06:00

Alright, the time has come to talk about this again. Remember when I wrote about Mr Bigot back in March...of last year? The random funny and insulting rude twitter unarmed mystery man that I was crushing on? Remember?

Well, I have been waiting a long time to share this story and I think I'm finally ready....

*DEEP BREATH*

Ok, so after doing some snooping and being the great detective that I am, I finally nailed who this Bigot was. I'm not sure that he wanted me to know because we were having way too much fun with this little fun Internet thing. I thought it was only fair for me to know who he was, because he knew who he was talking to the whole time. Fair is fair, right?

We finally met face to face in April of 2011 (I will admit) he wasn't what I expected, but I was tickled to finally be able to look this guy in the face and touch him, and see that he was real. He became tangible, if you will. Shorty after that, it became REAL tangible...

If ya know what I mean!!!

The first time we ever hung out, was one really fun night. I'll never forget it. I actually ended up spending most of my last summer with him. I could go into the whole story of why it didn't work out, and I'm sure his version is different than mine and seeing how he can't defend himself on here, I won't spill the beans on that part of the relationship. AND I will never reveal who is, even if all of my close friends know now, and a lot of his close friends, that didn't know, now know as well. Our story is rare and pretty damn funny. I haven't been ready to write about it because I was still dealing with my feelings about this situation and him. But it's been long enough. I am now just writing about this, during another sad depart from my current love affair.

Can I catch a break in the love department?

Mr Bigot and I are still cool. We talk from time to time and I still find him funny. This is just a handful of stories that have been on the quite back burner of my blog.

Took me long enough, didn't it?
So, next year, I'll write about the current one.
HA!

Music Mistake

2012-08-18T03:17:00.003-06:00

I had one amazing playlist on this blog. You guys remember? Every song that was posted was perfectly picked by me to match the mood of the current post. I was a true freak about that, and I know it, so please don't point and laugh. Well, "Playlist" made it so that the songs would no longer be available to me or my blog. They did post on their website why they made this decision, but I was too lazy to read it and just dismissed it as them being assholes. My point is, that this blog had some amazing music and now it doesn't have that feel (Hell, it hasn't had any feel for a while now) but I wanted to share the link to the original blog soundtrack. Mostly because I miss it, and I know some of you really enjoyed the music that was a HUGE part of this blog.

So, click and don't say I've never done anything for you!

Enjoy!!!
ALL 375 songs.
Pack a lunch!

Barby With a Y Bytch Playlist

Cult Logic

2012-08-07T01:32:00.006-06:00

All my life I've been the slave of consequence

Wondering how this life could be so intricate

I wanna rewrite my heart and let the future in

I wanna open it up and let somebody in

Can you free me from the logic that I knew

I believe it even if it is not true

Am I falling asleep on my feet again?

I call out, is anybody listening

And it's like I'm diving into emptiness

But at least there's something beating in my chest

Can you free me from the logic that I knew

I believe it even if it is not true.

*Miike Snow- Cult Logic

Charles Bukowski And I.

2012-08-02T01:39:00.009-06:00

I've been personally intrigued by Charles and his writing in the past 6 months. A writer that was known for his cynic point of views. A love for alcohol, cigarettes and sex.

A lot of his writing makes sense to me. It's almost as if this man had experienced a lot of disappointment, heartache and grief, that at some point in his writing, he said, FUCK OFF!!!! Life is THIS and it's OK!

Some may say his writing was depressing and hopeless. Some may say this is just a man that lived life by his own rules and realized that all humans are not meant for a perfect life (as much as we all crave and strive for it). Some may say that being realistic about not having that, is OK!!

He took his experiences of LIFE. and took an old typewriter and shared them with all of us. Just to make us, who believe our own nature, believe and know that's it's OK.

Giving hope to the depression, and at times depressing the hope.

LIFE!!!

"Don't wait for the good woman. She doesn't exist"

"There is nothing as boring as the truth"

"Knowledge without follow-through is worse than no knowledge at all. because if you're guessing and it doesn't work out you can just say, shit, the gods are against me. but if you know and don't do, you've got attics and dark halls in your mind to walk up and down in and wonder about. this ain't healthy, leads to unpleasant evenings, too much to drink and the shredding machine."

"Sex can sometimes become the most horrible of tasks"

"Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”

“You have to die a few times before you can really live.”

"That’s the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.”

“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can’t readily accept the God formula, the big answers don’t remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.”

As I read more of his writings tonight, sitting and pondering why I have stopped writing, and why at this point in my life things aren't perfect, and they are never going to be, I realized that......

A true writer doesn't fall far from the Bukowski tree.

Let the writing begin again, in this non-perfect insistence.
And it's OK!

Greatness.

2012-06-08T13:59:00.002-06:00

My Thought Last Night

2012-06-08T13:56:00.000-06:00

For every glimmer of hope, there's a spotlight of reality.

Soul Searching

2012-06-06T01:34:00.015-06:00

Soulmate- A soulmate (or soul mate) is believed by some to be the person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, sex, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility.

Some of us, who are driven by the natural instinct to have love in our lives, might spend some time as single people wishing, and hoping, and dreaming of the right person to save us from the pity single party for one. Someone to fill our free time with hugs and kisses and slaps on the asses. When we do finally (and rarely) find someone to occupy the fairy tale magic hour, we somehow tend to spend that time analyzing and picking apart the reasons why we are going to end up back to square one.

Humans are dumb dumbs like that.

I mean, come on, no one is perfect. Sadly, we are part of an era that disposes of connections the moment the glass slipper is even a tad too tight, or the castle isn't big enough, or the horse wasn't as white as you pictured him galloping on. Instead of realizing that with a little work that slipper could fit like a glove (if you laid off the salt). And that maybe, you can build the castle (together). And that white horses are overrated (and expensive). No, instead we deiced to toss the whole thing out the window, and dismiss it as "It just wasn't the right fit".

Maybe there's no perfect fit?

Unless you're these bad boys...

And at that point the metaphors stop, and now I'm just speaking of a good pair of damn shoes. And even then, most of us gals end up dreaming and wishing about these bad boys, too.

We are realistic that no one is perfect. Life is not perfect. Situations are not perfect. Timing, even at times is not perfect. And maybe some of us deal with the imperfections, of always doubting that something can just be, imperfectly perfect.

Lets lay off the salt, Pudgy foot!

*Can I just add how great it feels to be writing again? It's good to be back.

2012-06-04T13:38:00.000-06:00

The three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for. - Joseph Addison

Teron Beal

2012-06-01T11:24:00.002-06:00

Some of my downtime in my life is spent on my laptop discovering music. I click a lot. Some music I find, I like, some, I don't like, and some I love. Once in a while I find an artist that really strikes me as a true talent. I don't think a good voice is hard to find these day, hell, there is a new show on TV every week showcasing the voice of the guy that works at your local Subway. There is so much talent out there. It's unreal.

Some of these great voices have also been behind some of the artist we listen to now. Teron, for example. Before I even did any research on Teron, the first thing that popped in my head was Prince. He reminisced the sound of my beloved Purple Rain days. Sexy R&B voice with a rock guitar riff. I instantly fell in love. Even if Teron is not new to the music industry, I mean he has written songs for Michael Jackson, Jennifer Lopez, Pink, Kelly Rowland, Mýa, Chrisette Michele, Robyn, Jaheim and others. Yeah, not bad for a guy that most people have never heard of. Right?

Then one day, a writer comes out of the room full of paper, pencils and the smell of spilled words, and lets his voice be heard. And sometimes you hear a sound that just wouldn't sound as true if it wasn't delivered by the person who poured their heart felt words into it. In other words, I enjoy his music.

Teron Beal

Something To Put Your Finger On

2012-05-17T20:44:00.000-06:00

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them. You'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt.

Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. Live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you, and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someones hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset, is a second of happiness you can never get back.

And never apologize for who you are. Unless you're the middle finger.

Charles Bukowski

2012-05-07T11:49:00.000-06:00

Find what you love and let it kill you.

April Fool

2012-05-02T01:47:00.002-06:00

Everything that's suppose to happen, will. It all has a reason, they say. As this spring has brought the lovely colors that I always await with anticipation and joy, it has also brought a sadness and a shade of grey. I will forever wear the spring flowers on my mind, as a memory, and there will always be a piece of me that drifted away on that April morning. I've cried from the pit of my soul. I've fallen on the floor with grief. And I don't think I will ever fully understand the reason behind this. Whether we know that some of the decisions we make are for the best, it doesn't make them any easier.

We have to believe that everything happens for a reason, or else we would never forgive. One thing is for sure, April may come and go, but I will never forget.