Bare Bits

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2009-09-18T13:26:00.000-07:00

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2009-04-16T06:07:00.000-07:00

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Watching You Watching Me

2009-01-29T09:13:00.000-08:00

The idea of voyeurism is sexy. Watching someone else in the most intimate position makes it ten times hotter than normal. That’s the reason that porn is a billion-dollar business. You get to watch people more attractive than you do things that you are unable to do (or are just too grossed out to do). It’s like the yawning thing. One person yawns and moments later, the whole room is yawning. Well, watching other people having sex makes us want to have sex too.

Being watched can be just as sexy as doing the watching. You feel like you’re having sex with both your partner and the person watching. You feel like you are sharing something special with your audience. But here’s the catch: I’m not a porn star. I don’t look like a porn star. I don’t work out like a porn star. I’m not flexible like a porn star. And I certainly don’t get paid like a porn star. The idea of having other people watch me at my most intimate moments doesn’t get me all excited. All I can think about is how my ass looks in that position. Or if my vagina’s weird in comparison to the plucked and bleached versions that normally appear on screen. Or if my blowjob technique is as graceful as Jenna Jameson's. With all that going through my head, how can you possibly enjoy yourself?

While I definitely enjoy the watching part of voyeurism, I don’t really like to be watched. It makes me feel self-conscious and part of the reason sex is so much fun is because inhibitions go out the window. Having an audience makes it harder to forget yourself and do what comes naturally. So while I enjoy talking about sex, actually having sex myself and even watching you have sex, I can’t invite you to watch me. Sorry. Guess you’ll just have to buy a porno instead....wriiten by P.S. Jones

Voyeurism is one of those fetishes that can be totally thrilling to some and a total bore to others. Obviously, voyeurism is alive and well in America. Ask any topless bar owner. But voyeurism can be taken to a much higher level when in private and watching someone undress, pleasure themselves, or even have sex with another. I know that I love to watch a woman masturbate, and I know of a lot of guys that like to watch their girlfriend or wife having sex with someone else.

I have watched and I have been watched. Frankly, I enjoy it a lot more when I am the one being watched. Several couples have invited me over to have sex while the man watches or photographs or videotapes. I actually find it pretty thrilling to be permitted to have sex with another guy's girlfriend or wife while he sits on the sidelines and watches the show. I also find that I put extra effort into the sex because I feel I am being held to a higher standard. It is my competitive nature to try to impress. Of course, agreeing to have someone watch or photograph is a small price to pay for no-strings sex with a beautiful woman.

In the reverse situation; however, I am not sure I would like to watch someone having sex with a woman I am passionate about. I think that I would have jealousy issues and be very insecure about whether the man was doing a better job than I do. I do get very turned on watching women dominate men, and I could pleasure myself easily watching a fetish scene that involves BDSM with a woman taking control of a man. Of course, there is always the girl on girl play that I find infinitely watchable.

So voyeurism can be a lot of fun. Watching can be almost as fun as doing, and sometimes being watched can add a sexy, competitive dimension that improves my performance....written by Cliff Hodges

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Double Penetration – Why We Want to and Why We Probably Won’t

2008-12-04T05:14:00.000-08:00

Arsenio Hall once told a joke about the double standards women experience when it comes to threesomes. In the monologue, he talked about revealing to a female friend that he always wanted to be with two girls sexually. When his gal pal stated she always wanted to be with two men he looked at her aghast and cried, “Slut!”

Indeed, when men hear other men talking about getting it on with two chicks it’s “raise your glasses in toast” time. However, when these same males discuss females who have indulged in double penetration, the not so imaginative labels come out. My theory—the response is either homophobic in origin or caused by a fear feminine sexual expression. Whatever the reason, one fact remains that every red blooded female who has had sex has wondered what it would be like to be sandwiched between two men who are stroking her fires simultaneously. This curiosity is very healthy, because, truth be told, the human animal is always contemplating ways to increase its own pleasure, especially sensually. Take my word for it, if a woman has come across a porno where some lucky lass is getting this treatment, she has put herself in that woman’s place wondering what sensations the woman was experiencing.

Will this event ever happen in real life? Probably not.

Now, I have done the threesome thing with me, my man and another chick—twice. Loved it! Not only did I get to explore my bi-curious tendencies, I did it with the blessing (and downright enthusiasm) of my partner. On the other hand, I just don’t think men are secure enough to get naked in front of another man or watch another man touch his woman in a sexual way while he watches. As much as I may desire this type of scenario, the reality is I know that emotional fallouts can ensue post coitus, especially if the deed occurred with individuals who knew one another well. The potential for an issue is great since women tend to want to be intimate with people they have some kind of history with. In other words, no girl is going to seek out two strangers to do something like this. Not only would that be dangerous sexually with so many diseases out there, it is dangerous physically.

Besides which—I am not too partial to the whole “backdoor” scene. I once saw a woman who had a tattoo on the small of her back that said “exit only”—my sentiments exactly. If I were to be with two men, it would end up being oral and vaginal—and little else. So, for me, double penetration is intriguing but I probably wouldn’t enjoy it much. Another woman might but sadly, she would be held back by the potential smear on her reputation. If we lived in a world that understood that a sexually responsible woman who takes care of her body and her partners still deserves respect, women may feel more free to explore things like double penetration and much, much more.

Unfortunately we live in a world where Arsenio Hall’s extremely entertaining and funny joke struck a chord with so many people because of how true and real the sentiments were....written by Alicia Norman

Are two heads really better than one?

Anyone who has watched porn or has seen still photos of two guys penetrating one vagina has to wonder about the physical practicality of this act. I’m thinking you need two guys who are engineer gymnasts to be able to do it where both can penetrate and hump deeply enough to achieve an orgasm. Not to mention the fact that most straight guys probably don’t want their penis touching another guy’s penis during sex. They also can’t be too big but long enough to be able to reach the vagina that evokes images of some kind of perverted game of twister.

The most common type of double penetration involves one guy in the anus and another in the vagina. This is physically easier than the scenario described above but most women I’ve talked too said that their guys love the idea of having two women but not too many like the idea of being in a two guy/one woman sexual romp at least when it comes to a guy’s wife or steady girlfriend. It’s a lot easier on a man’s ego for a couple of guys to pick up some woman deemed a “slut”, screw her brains out and know you’ll never see her again.

Watch any athletic contest and see that men are extremely competitive on the playing field. This same competitive spirit definitely extends into the bedroom. In general, men are extremely sensitive about the size of their members and few guys want to get into a situation where they look over at the other guy and realize that their own bat and balls belong in the little league.

Some guys, however, are definitely turned on by watching their woman get screwed by their best friend. Personally, my preferred form of double penetration involves one woman, me, and help from a toy, tongue and fingers. Having vaginal intercourse while stimulating my partner from behind with a vibrator or having anal sex with her while massaging her clit accomplishes exactly the same function as having some other guy play tail gunner with us. Besides, I never have to worry that she’ll dump me for the toy....written by Mike Matteo

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Role-Playing – How to Cheat with Your Lover

2008-11-05T06:11:00.000-08:00

We all have sexual fantasies where recurring storylines and scenarios crop up every so often. Many of these erotic daydreams were cultivated when we were single and alone. Once we hook up, we don’t fantasize as much as we used to, especially if the sex is great and occurs often. Still, there is something powerfully titillating about being the sexy secretary who is pursued and sexually dominated by the sultry executive of a giant corporation. This is why role-playing can be a fun explorative tool for couples. With role-playing, you get to indulge some of those juice inducing fantasies with someone you would enjoy exploring them with. So many delicious scenarios exist in the realm of erotic role-playing which can be an extremely effective tool in maintaining sexual excitement, particularly with couples who have been together for some time.

Why is this?

Because role-playing can offer the variety that one feels they lose when they pair up. Your hot blond wife can become an enigmatic brunette. Your usually mild mannered hubby can be an aggressive and dominant adventurer who has whisked you away to ravage you. Essentially, it is almost like being granted permission to cheat – but with each other. The underlying undercurrent of your shared history will not detract from this; rather, it adds fuel to the fire to see your woman, so often playing the Mom or housekeeper, dressed in sexy stockings, lederhosen and pigtails.

I will admit, that my ever kinky self enjoys role play and light bondage themes. I am partial to vampire folklore, and luckily so is my hubby. I get turned on when he adopts a powerful somewhat dangerous demeanor and claims me with a fierce kiss – or rips off ye olde panties. It is such a huge departure from the calm, laid back sweet faced man who is a brilliant daddy and a loving son that it makes me ten times hotter than normal. All these things combine to create one helluva sensual experience that will leave your legs quaking and your passions smoldering. You will also end up connected on all kinds of spiritual and physical levels in ways that the tongue cannot even begin to describe -- believe me, I know.

Like any spice, role-playing can lose its flavor when pulled out too often. Indulgences are always best when they are occasional. Such tools are necessary, and alongside other things, like communication, electronic toys and sexy movies, can keep you craving the arms of your lover and establishing the variety necessary to keep your sex life alive and breathing....written by Alicia Norman

For most guys sex is a lot like watching a movie that you can’t wait to see. Previews entice you to eagerly get in line to purchase your ticket. On opening night you show up with enthusiasm and the desire to be pleasantly surprised. As the plot unfolds you attempt to predict what will happen next and become excited as the tension of each scene builds and you can’t wait to get to the climax. The second and third time you see it is still good but a little more of the mystique is gone and knowing how it ends curbs your zeal slightly. By the fiftieth time you’ve seen it, it’s kind of like watching Braveheart in Portuguese on a fuzzy broadcast TV with a commercial interruption every minute and a half. However, unlike watching movies that don’t change, sex doesn’t have to be redundant. That is why role-playing fantasies can really rekindle fire in the bedroom after the initial fascination and curiosity have petered out.

Personally, I love role-playing and fantasy games. Let’s face it, there are only so many sexual positions even if your partner is a nymphomaniac gymnast who is capable of doing a split while sucking a bowling ball through a garden hose. However, a person’s imagination is only limited by a person’s creativity.

I once dated a woman who said she had never had an orgasm with any partner. I found this to be curious and discovered that she had a little bit of a kinky side that involved her being a bit of an exhibitionist. One night a friend allowed me to use his bar after closing. I told my girlfriend that I wanted her to get up on the stage and strip for me as if I were a stranger. She did and by the end of the night she was so turned on that she had multiple orgasms. Each time we had sex I created new fantasy ideas that sometimes involved costumes, toys and new roles for us to play. The sex was phenomenal.

Sex begins in the mind before it ever gets to the genitals. Acting out a fantasy can release inhibitions and the best sex is definitely uninhibited sex. So get out your otter costume, some duct tape and play a fun game of park ranger and the naughty little otter....written by Mike Matteo

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I Touch Myself . . . And You Should Too

2008-10-13T12:35:00.001-07:00

There is this crazy myth out there that most women don’t masturbate. Or at least not the “normal” ones. Pop culture has us thinking that masturbation is something that only horny teenage boys do. If this is true, then who’s buying the millions of vibrators that are sold every year? The answer is your coworkers, your neighbors and, yes, your girlfriend. However, masturbation doesn’t require any special equipment at all. I’ll be the first to admit that the only tools a girl needs to get to her happy place are her own fingers.

Women are pretty lucky when it comes to sex because we can pretty much always get some. (Don’t believe me? Walk up to ten guys and ask them to have sex with you. You usually get a yes from seven out of ten.) So why would a healthy, normal woman who can get attention from the opposite sex decide to take matters into her own hands, so to speak? There are lots of reasons. First of all, I already know what I like and how I want it. I don’t have to take time out of my busy schedule to explain how my vagina works. I can simply get in, get out and get back to my day. Also, as much as I love a good penis, the men attached to them can be pains in the ass sometimes. Getting my own rocks off means that I don’t have to deal with any unnecessary drama. And then there’s the fantasy factor. For some reason, men are cool with you calling out other people’s names while you’re in the middle of getting down. I can pretend I’m wherever I want to be and with whoever I want to be when I’m masturbating.

I think the world would be a better place if we all took a little time out of our days and masturbated. Touching yourself relieves stress. And it’s important to figure out what you like on your own so you can relay that information when you get the chance to play with others. Until then, turn the lights down low and let your fingers do the talking....written by P.S. Jones

Ah…..masturbation. My old friend. I think I have been whacking it non-stop since about 7th grade. It never gets old. I’ve even had sex, and masturbated later. Not because the sex was bad. I just got bored, or the girl on TV looked great. I think for me it can be a fantasy fulfillment thing.

I once read somewhere that if anyone tells you they do not masturbate, they are lying, with few exceptions. I think even if I was a priest, I’d still do it. Sure it’s a sin, but that’s what confession is for. I suppose masturbation can serve some higher purpose. I saw a book once titled “Self-Love,” and I considered picking it up. But then I thought that would be a copout. I should try and get laid and not use some BS concept of self-love to excuse myself the obligation to interact with the fairer side of the human species.

Sure masturbation is lots of fun, but you have to remember you can only get so far without a getting a partner. Something I have noticed, however, that seems to work in my favor in regards to my sex life….if I go a really long time without sex or masturbation, I find it difficult to stay aroused. I think maybe I forget how stimulating it is? I’m not sure. But, if I do it regularly, I find the little soldier is more alert. Perhaps it’s a placebo effect, but it works for me. Happy pumping....written by Faelan Blair

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Fast Forwarding the First Date

2008-09-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

If you know anything about me, it’s that I’m not a “rules” girl. I’m not afraid to ask out a man. I don’t wait three days before calling someone I really like. And if I think the time is right, I’ll go to bed with a man on the first date. When it comes to my love life, I threw the rulebook out the window a long time ago. The way I see it, you can go on ten dates with someone and not really know them. On the other hand, you may spend one wonderful date with someone and feel like you’ve known them your whole life. Sometimes life is just too short to wait for two more dates. Having sex on the first date is like pressing the fast forward button through a movie when you already know the story.

First date sex isn’t for everyone. You can definitely find yourself in some sticky situations. Now, I’m not saying that you should sleep with someone you’ve known for three hours . . . especially when there’s alcohol involved. That’s a recipe for disaster and humiliation, not to mention STDs. (They don’t call them beer goggles for nothing!) The fact is that love-at- first-sight is often just lust-at-first-sight all dressed up. And then you run the risk of being pigeonholed into the booty call category. Fast forwarding through the predictable parts means you might also miss something good. First date sex means you miss some of the romance and fun that comes with taking love’s scenic route instead of the expressway. There are some men who don’t think that anyone willing to get physical on the first date can be serious relationship material. They’re very happy that you’re having sex with them but then they never call you again. (At least not before midnight anyway.) Sex on the first date can take you out of the running for anything other than afterhours play dates. And that’s the biggest problem with fast forward. Sometimes you get to the end too fast....written by P.S. Jones

Yes. Have some…

I’ve done this twice and it’s pretty awesome. Two things are required for the little blessing to occur, however: booze and a chick.

I imagine some might think sex on a first date is a slutty move, even for a guy, but people are people. We want to screw. There is a possibility I’m attracting that type of woman, but I don’t think so. I’m very priggish about the women with whom I will sleep with, and my tastes are varied enough that I won’t go for the same look/personality every time.

Safety is a large concern of mine, but I screen the girls sufficiently before I decide to go that far. These days, it isn’t hard. When you’re on the date, ask questions as you flirt. See what they do and like. If she flat out says “I love random encounters,” I’d think twice. But otherwise, if the chemistry is there, why not? Of course, there is something to be said for waiting. I am talking to a girl right now and we both decided to put it off for a bit. Build some tension and that. This works wonders. The flirting gets intense, the activities you do together become all the more steamy for the fact that you don’t let each other go too far. It all depends what you are looking for. Do you really like the person? Well maybe hold off. You find them attractive but not much bf/gf material? Jump them and get to the good stuff.

If you’re lucky enough to seal the deal on the first try, by all means, go for it. Be safe and all that, but leave the morals and ethics out of it. Make a move based on what you want....written by Faelan Blair

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Pheromones - Aphrodisiac or Urban Legend?

2008-08-18T07:12:00.000-07:00

There is certain cologne, which I won't mention the name of, that I swear must have pheromones in it, ‘cause I go crazy for it every time I smell it. In one instance, I even found myself actively seeking out the man who was wearing it from out of a crowd after catching a whiff. On the other hand, I am an artist and an admitted smell, sense, and taste type of personality who is prone to intense likes and dislikes. Once something turns me on, there is almost no turning it off. The cologne in question is also very expensive, so the men who wear it tend to present themselves in a sophisticated and confident way, which I find sexy. Strip that all away however, and the scent itself has its own allure.

So, let us say the cologne does indeed have a pheromone in it—could it act as an aphrodisiac?

Science says it should, as they define pheromones as a chemical that triggers a natural behavioral response in members of the same species. The first ever documented case of was identified in 1956 by scientists studying silkworm moths who noted that the isolated chemical acted as a powerful sex attractant. We soon uncovered the amazing and titillating fact that even human beings can give off a scent that signals we are ready to get buck wild. We also have receptors in our noses that help us respond quickly, as it allows this chemical to go straight to our heads, so to speak.

Seeing a money-making opportunity, many companies try to cash in on the "pheromone market", promising men and women with little personality and no social skills that they could bag the hottie of their dreams. What these companies won't tell you is while it could be theoretically possible to draw a honey bee to your lair, you must find a way to keep it there. In other words, sparking imitation attraction is no guarantee of a successful outcome.

As much as I love the smell of that cologne, I don't find it so irresistible that I’d leap on the guy and start tearing his clothes off. Well—maybe on one occasion I wanted to, but I managed to control myself. Aside from giving the completely wrong first impression, I realized that I alone am responsible for me and nothing or no one can "make me" do anything, not even a pheromone. While I think it is ridiculous for men to entertain juvenile fantasies of using pheromones in an effort to lure hapless women into their beds, I will say that there could be something to it. It perhaps won't make Pamela Anderson type babes advance in a zombie like fashion to your boudoir, but maybe it will lower her guard enough to listen and consider.

You see, we are not moths, dogs, skunks or deer, and while I do believe the science of pheromones has some merit, I don't think it will ever supercede our god given right to free will....written by Alicia Norman

If I were a fly or a dung beetle, I would have a lot more faith in pheromones than being a man with a yearning to find that secret weapon that would make women give up sexual favors beyond my wildest dreams. As young adults, we always hoped that we would get some "Spanish Fly" and miraculously make even the most elusive supermodel burn with lust for our very essence. Unfortunately, just like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny... Spanish Fly was a myth.

I am afraid that pheromones are also more myth than reality. I am sure you can find websites willing to send you pheromones that are guaranteed to get you laid. Save your money... these are the same guys trying to sell you herbal Viagra and formulas to increase the size of your penis. The other thing about pheromones is that - even if an effective one does exist - they are primarily a tool used by women to indicate to the men that they are sexually available. I don't know the last time you checked, but if a woman wants a man to be sexually attracted all she really has to do is breathe. Women do not need pheromones to attract guys, and from my research, there is no equivalent for the male species to put the female in the mood.

As a result... even if pheromones existed and were effective, a woman needs a secret formula to attract male attention like a mouse needs aftershave to attract cats.

Forget about pheromones or Spanish Fly... the best advice to put a lady in the mood is still to buy her a drink. Cloud her vision with a set of beer goggles, and you will have a better chance at the promised land than any aphrodisiac you can buy off the internet. I really don't know if there are any special types or brands of pheromones. Either no one has ever liked me enough to want to excite me with a chemical spell, or it was completely unnecessary to command my sexual attention. I wish there was a secret weapon women could use to bring me to my knees, but my biggest fear is that even if there were, no one would want to use it on me.

Oh well... in my opinion, pheromones are still an undiscovered miracle of nature, and there are none of these chemicals commercially available that can make your lover putty in your hands....written by Cliff Hodges

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Hot or Not -- Porno Films

2008-07-31T11:32:00.000-07:00

"I really like porno movies!" is a statement you probably won't hear from most women.

This is largely due to the fact that the fairer sex labors under the assumption that we are less inclined to be driven by our primal urges and thus have no need for such stimulation. Truth be told, this is a huge fallacy. Women obsess about sex as much as the next guy, but as one comedienne pointed out, we just tend to do it with costume changes. Our fantasies lean towards erotica, where tales of men with rippling biceps end with us sorta trying to resist, to no avail.

While I am a woman and I have had those types of fantasies, I also like to cut to the chase; this is why I am one of those rare few that will utter the above statement without shame. You see, it is my opinion that men and women alike are voyeurs at heart. Although ladies might hesitate to admit it, a good porno film tends to get us as hot as any romance novel. Why else would the sex lives of celebrities like Pamela Anderson or Paris Hilton enthrall us so much?

When all is said and done however, I wouldn't have paid a dime for a celeb sex vid. Call me kinky, but I tend to prefer amateur porn. Like an independent film, amateur porn is far grittier and raw, therefore, more real. It is like getting permission to peep inside a window to glimpse the forbidden—the bedroom of the girl next door—the schoolteacher—the pastor's wife—the hot, but supposedly frigid librarian.

While some videos can be seen as harmless manifestations of male fantasies, others can be extremely degrading, relegating women to mere objects for sex gratification. I have run across a few porn sites that proclaim things like, "Get laid by a Hot Latina by telling her you're INS!" This can take porn from a fun and healthy realm to a downright vulgar and mean spirited one. On the other hand, some porn stars, like Tera Patrick or Jenna Jameson, are actually masters of their own domain, in control of their own lives and careers which is the driving force behind feminism.

But this fact begs the question—why are men the main purveyors of porn in the first place? As a bisexual woman, I can easily answer that question. There is just something about femininity, and possessing it, that is especially arousing to a male. Couple this with the fact that men are essentially visual, highly sensual creatures and you have before you an instant billion-dollar industry; just add water. What I find most interesting about my penchant to indulge a naughty video or two, is that many of the men I dated loved the idea that I was so open minded in this regard. So much so, that they thought I would love a constant porno fest every time I wanted to get it on.

As I said before, I am still a woman—there is a time for a fast food burger, and another for a full four-course meal. In the final analysis, both men and women are sexual beings and for males, porn is their equivalent of the latest Danielle Steel novel, with all the boring parts cut out....by Alicia Norman

Some people are watchers... Some people are players. Watching porn to me is the equivalent of sitting in the stands at a big game and not being able to participate in any of the action. It absolutely does me no good to watch people on TV as they have the sexual adventures I should be out looking for myself. If you have to sit on your ass and watch porno, then you deserve to have nothing but your right or left hand at the end of the night.

Now, can Porno be used as a mood-maker??? I don't think so. NO!!! Women do not respond to porno like men do, and watching a hot blonde take the money shot in her face has never put my date in the mood to let me do the same thing to her. If anything, it only prompts an antagonized debate about whether porn is exploitation of women... and that is always a buzz-kill for any sexual mood.

There is women's porn, I know. Life is too short!!! You have to sit through 55 minutes of talking, kissing, groping, and more sensitive talking before you get 5 minutes of an intense mutual orgasm. Give me a break!!! I have never tried one of these on a partner, because I fear I may be lose my mood by the time it has an impact on her.

To me, porno is useless… unless you are actually starring in the film yourself... which I have had the pleasure of at least twice in my life. Nothing boggled my mind more than being videotaped having sex with a hot, sexy woman - about half my age - and then getting a check at the end of the night. Nice work if you can get it. It doesn't happen often, but when someone offers, take them up on it. Just wear a mask to prevent embarrassing your children and family.

I once had a couple come visit me in my hotel room, and they asked me to put on some porno to get them in the mood. I did, but before the opening credits were over - which in a porno is never too long - everyone had their clothes off, and the lady was busy creating a porno movie of her own... with her husband taping.

In my opinion, porn is way overrated. I have never really used it to enjoy myself, and it has never worked as a mood enhancer. You are much better off giving your female partner a bath with candles and champagne or a massage with fragrant oils to get her excited and hot. Pampering her and tending to her needs will get her a lot hotter than watching X-rated antics. So when you are looking for a mood enhancer... my advice is forget the porn and let the real games begin!...by Cliff Hodges

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The Ex-Files

2008-07-18T06:24:00.000-07:00

A few months ago, my husband and I were in the store, waiting in line when he just disappeared. After a few moments, I found him outside in the car. When I asked him what the hell happened, he told me he was sorry but it had to be done. Apparently, he had spotted his ex-girlfriend in the store and felt that if his ex and I existed in the same space, the world would implode. In a perfect world, there would be no exes. Your partner would come to you unblemished by previous relationships. In the real world, you rarely find a keeper on the first try. There are some people (like my husband) who think that after you end a relationship that person can no longer exist. You don’t call them. You don’t email them. And you certainly don’t bring them up in your next relationship. I look at it a little differently. I admit that I still keep in contact with most of my exes and consider them friends. I like to believe that every relationship I’ve had has played a part in making me the person I am today. There was a reason I was drawn to that person . . . and a reason that it’s over now.

I’ve always been a little suspicious of those people who refuse to discuss their past. That’s a sign that you’re not quite over whatever happened back then. And that’s just as troubling as the guy who can’t stop talking about Katie, The One That Got Away. Either way, it’s hard to have sex when there’s a big pink elephant in the room. (Seriously, how I am supposed to enjoy the sex when I’m pretty sure that you’re pretending that I’m Katie?!) You just have to be open and honest without over-sharing. “One time I did this with my ex and I’ve always wanted to try it again” sounds better than “You don’t suck it the way Katie did”. If you do it right, your mate gets to know more about you and not your ex. As for me, I don’t mind the past because I’m confident about being a part of the future....written by P.S. Jones

George Santayana once famously said, “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” But is that true of our past relationships? If we don’t learn about our partners’ relationship history are we deemed to repeat it? My best lawyerly answer is… it depends.

I have always wanted to know every detail of every sexual encounter a girl has had before me. I can’t really explain why. I guess I will just blame it on my fragile male ego. But I've always had the desire to be the best at every aspect of any relationship. The more information I have, the better opportunity I have to work my magic. When a girl tells me that her last boyfriend was the best at flipping her over or lightly tonguing her sweet spots, I look at it like a challenge. When a girl tells me her last boyfriend had no idea what to do in bed, I look at this as a chance to show her ultimate pleasure. Either way it gives me an opportunity to know where I stand and where she’s been. And I’m not looking to just sneak the information out of her. I ask directly. I want to know about the positions she’s been in. I want to know whether size matters. I want to know whether she has a dirty, kinky side or whether she likes to make slow and sensual love.

And when it comes to the relationship itself, that’s real important. I want to know what kind of boyfriends she had? How did they treat her? Where did they go? What were the best experiences? How was she treated by his family? All of this information goes a long way towards making sure that I am the best she’s ever had (in the bedroom and out).

Once I seek to understand the relationship history of my current partner, I know I can exceed her expectations. Without that knowledge you might as well be throwing love arrows with a blindfold on. I’m not exactly sure whether Mr. Santayana is correct, but I do know that in order to impress your partner – you better know where’s she been and who she’s been with… written by Andrew Jensen.

past relationships ex-lovers the ex relationship history

The One True Thing

2008-07-02T11:28:00.000-07:00

On a very special episode of Sex and the City, one of the characters said that men are just like women . . . except they touch their privates more often. Of all the information about men I’ve gotten from Cosmo, TV and my girlfriends, this has to be the only bit that has proven itself mostly true through the years. Men and women get a lot of information about the opposite sex thrown at them every day. Most of it is wrong. (I personally blame “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” for most of the sexual confusion in this world.) There are times when I am less understood by my husband than by my dog . . . which is sad because my husband and I actually speak the same language.

If I had to choose one true thing that I wanted men to understand about women, it would be to listen more. My father always told me that people will tell you who they are; you just have to listen. Gentleman, women talk all the time. We constantly analyze the feelings and actions of ourselves and others. We hash it out over on the phone to our girlfriends and our mothers. We write about it in our blogs and journals. And we share it with you . . . sometimes while the championship game is going into overtime and making you want to murder us.

Restrain yourself from killing us or from tuning us out. Because somewhere in between all that musing over how we look in these jeans and the work gossip, is everything you need to know about us. It is these nuggets of truth that will help you navigate the world of women. That girl who won’t stop talking about their cousin’s wedding for months probably wants to get married ASAP and isn’t a good choice for a booty call. When your wife keeps talking about those Gucci shoes at the mall that means she wants them. If every time you do your favorite sexual move your girlfriend goes all quiet then it’s not working. Forget the men’s magazines or the advice from Eddie down at the bar. Everything you need to know about women comes right out of their mouths....written by P.S. Jones

As I lay next to a beautiful girl I just shared my most intimate bodily fluids with, our hearts pumping, our bodies sweating, our scent filling the room – I look into her eyes. And as I give her a look that could carve stone, I realize that she is meeting me with a very similar look. That leads me to wonder if she knows me as well as she thinks she does. More importantly – does she even care to know me? And if she does, what would she want to know?

Men are often portrayed as very simpleminded sex-driven creatures. While that creature may have emerged like the Toxic Avenger from some warped mind of a Hollywood screenwriter, that’s not at all what women should think about us, or our sexuality. In fact, what women should realize about us is much like how they view themselves. We too are incredibly complex sexual beings. We crave self-confidence, but lack self esteem. We are victims of a repressed culture that we created. We want a woman that we can take home to our parents and brag about to our friends who crave the dirtiest details.

Women are always portrayed as needing both love and a good balance of emotional and physical pleasure. However, most women don’t see men the same way and that’s a big mistake. If you think that the macho guy in the corner of the bar with tattoos up his neck driving the muscle car doesn’t need affection and a good balance of sex and sensitivity – he is fooling you and fooling himself at the same time.

So the question always comes back to what would women want to know about men? I think the answer is pretty simple. Men really aren’t as different as our stereotypes have led us to believe. Getting to know what you like yourself will help you to understand what men might like as well. Stop trying to figure out who’s from Venus and who’s from Mars. We’re all from this planet and we need to figure out how to make it work!....written by Andrew Jensen

men and women men are from mars stereotypes sexual relationships

Best Sex Blog

2008-06-26T08:18:00.000-07:00

Recently, Bare Bits was bestowed with the honor of being the Best Sex Blog according to Best of Blogs (www.bestofblogs.com). Thanks to all who voted for us!

Sex Toys R Us

2008-05-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I’ve had lots of lovers, boyfriends and one night stands. I’ve been in love, been screwed over and back in love within a few hours. I even bit the bullet and finally got married after a ridiculously short courtship. But through it all, I’ve always had Victor. I’ve known Victor for longer than I’ve known my husband and we’ve had countless number of good times. He’s is a twelve inch, black dildo that is hidden deep in the sex toy protection program (also known as my sweater drawer). We fell in love at first sight and he’s been the one I always escape to when I just need a good, fast orgasm. He’s always hard, doesn’t cheat and knows exactly where my g-spot is. Although I do end up doing all the work and that’s not really fair. But that’s a small tradeoff for having all the benefits of a penis and none of the drama that come along with it.

My sex toy is my comfort blanket. It’s what I reach for when all I need is to get off, without having to deal with the politics of a relationship. For the rest of us, sex toys are just a way to break up the monotony that can happen in even the best sexual relationships. Most women are pro-toy, even if it’s only in the privacy of their own home. Life is too short to go without cumming and you can sometimes find out what works best for you through experimenting with different toys. This can make some men a little nervous. You guys have been playing with your own special toys since you were diapers and it’s hard to think that there could be any kind of competition out there. Maybe you’re worried that you’ll be replaced by molded plastic and energizer batteries. But if you really knew about women, you’d know that couldn’t possibly happen. Although the orgasm is why we come to the party, we stay for the human connection that happens. Plastic and latex doesn’t compare to way warm skin against warm skin feels. And they haven’t made a dildo yet that says “You’re beautiful” or “I love you.” (Although that will probably be in stores sometime soon. You’ve been warned, boys!)

If you feel threatened by your woman’s favorite toy, then it might be because you’re feeling left out. Make it something that you can do together. Think of it this way: if you make room for Victor the Vibrator in your sex life, she’ll be more willing to re-enact your three-way fantasies with your Betty Blowjob Doll. I call that a fair trade....written by P.S. Jones

There is a reason the word ‘toy’ rhymes with ‘joy’... they aren't just for kids. Toys are great! If you think that two people should simply be content enjoying each other's bodies without anything else, go back to rotary phones. God gave us technology to improve our existence, and technology has given us some great new sex toys. Vibrators, whips, clips, clamps, ropes, blindfolds, handcuffs... oh my!!! All of these things can help someone realize a fantasy, and intensify their passion and climax to a much higher level. Why wouldn't you want to use toys?

When I meet a woman who likes toys, I think... HALLELUJAH!!! I know that she is going to be fun, experimental, aggressive, and best of all... easy and willing. There will be no begging and pleading... just a quick stop for some Ever-ready long-life batteries, and let the pleasure begin! If a couple can be open enough with each other to enjoy toys together, then they probably have good communication. They can discuss fantasies, get into forbidden areas that drive their lust to the boiling point, and experience orgasms much more intense than simply body to body sex. The other great thing about toys is that if there is a system failure with your body... perish the thought... a well-played love match using hot toys can be just as fulfilling for you and for her. No one has to sit there apologizing for not holding up their end, and no one has to lie and act like it doesn't matter.

Now there is nothing wrong with just regular sex, but having toys involved lends a shared forbidden, taboo aspect to the sexual experience that can make the lovers more intimate. There are some great toys out there, and they can add some spice to recharge, revive, and re-energize the sexual adventure in a couple who has grown bored with the same old, same old.

I have a well stocked toy bag, and it does not always come out, but when it does, the experience is always rewarding and fun. If you want to start with something simple, there is nothing better than vibrating massage gloves. In any case, things that go buzzzzz, snap, crackle, and pop should always be a welcome collection to your bag of tricks....written by Cliff Hodges

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The Aphrodisiac

2008-05-15T08:16:00.000-07:00

When you do a Google search of aphrodisiac, all kinds of crazy things come up. Everything from oysters to chocolate to Spanish fly. Apparently, there are even people who get turned on by artichokes. (Have you seen an artichoke?) No matter how strange they may seem or how vague the results, people really believe in aphrodisiacs. I challenge you to find one single, active man living in a retirement home in Florida that doesn’t have a couple of tabs of Viagra in his pocket. And in certain areas of Los Angeles, a little Hennessy and a bootleg porno tape go a very long way to closing the deal. In India, drinking rhinoceros urine is said to get even the most frigid housewife in the mood. (I think it works something like you threaten to make someone drink rhinoceros pee and they scream, “Ok, ok. I’ll have sex with you. Just keep the damn pee away from me. Please!”) So what’s the best aphrodisiac for getting a woman in the mood? I’ve heard that money is a great libido enhancer, but I doubt it. And that’s just based on the fact that I’ve never had an orgasm at an ATM machine. I did have a spontaneous orgasm once when my husband remembered something I’d told him to do the week before . . . and then actually did it.

Most experts agree that aphrodisiacs are just placebos. The fact that you believe that they’ll work is what makes them work. Maybe that’s why I’ve never used them. No matter how many pounds of oysters or chocolate you feed me, if the spark isn’t there, it just isn’t. I think the question should be why do you need aphrodisiacs in the first place? I thought that a good personality, a decent body and some half-way original pick up lines were enough to get the right person in the mood. I mean if you have to put things in people’s drinks and feed them certain food to get laid, you’re definitely doing something wrong . . . it’s called date rape. And that’s my next question. How come when I googled “aphrodisiac”, there was no websites discussing the merits of GHB or Ruffies? Or getting people drunk without their knowledge? I think that because then we’d realize that aphrodisiacs are kind of sketchy when you think about it. Or maybe I’m just a prude. I don’t know. But I do know that I’ll be on the lookout for strangers slipping oysters or rhinoceros pee in my drinks the next time I’m out at a bar. I’d hate to wake up and find I’d been “aphrodisiac’d”….written by P.S. Jones

I don't know about everyone else, but I would sacrifice a body part for a dependable aphrodisiac that worked. To suddenly become that charming, irresistible, "gotta have now" guy in a woman's eyes would be the ultimate weapon. In college we used to have grain-alcohol parties for the new freshmen girls in the dorms and ply them with "Purple Jesus" - grape kool-aid and grain... but unfortunately, if they didn’t simply go back to their room and pass out they would end up puking which is worse than saltpeter on sexual desire - for both parties.

There used to be Qualudes, and I have heard of GHB, and Rufies, but "date rape" has never been a fantasy of mine so I have no experience with them. The point is not to render your date unconscious or incapacitated. Ethically, those chemicals are wrong and do not belong in the category of aphrodisiacs... they are better off in the felony file. An aphrodisiac should amp up her desire to where she is literally tearing your clothes off.

Probably the closest thing to an aphrodisiac that I have found is the drug Xtasy. I have been in bars and when a gorgeous, young woman approaches me with fire in her eyes, passion in her heart, and hands that won't be denied, it is usually due to that drug. I realize I am not nearly young enough, hot enough, nor charming enough to merit that sort of passion unless it were chemically induced. At those times, I merely thank God and the inventor of the drug - who is my hero. I have heard of stuff called Spanish Fly, and everyone has probably heard of Oysters, but these are urban legends as far as I know.

In my opinion, an aphrodisiac is like Viagra. If it is available and it makes the sexual experience hotter and better then it would be a great tool to have. Unfortunately, in my life, aphrodisiacs are mythical potions that I have never experienced. I do however, have ultimate faith in chemistry, and long for the day when there is a "love potion" that will draw women to me like a magnet…..written by Cliff Hodges

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Is There a Doctor In The House?

2008-04-30T07:17:00.000-07:00

He kissed my bare bottom. His name was Kenny. He had brown hair and red freckles, carried a stethoscope and a brand new pack of Smurf Band-Aids. My first sexual encounter with role-play, I experienced at the tender age of nine. I've had quite a thing for doctors ever since.

I believe that we all have our first sexual awakening through the guise of role-playing when we are just young kids. As we grow up, we become more sexual and less imaginative, although some of us do manage to keep both as equal bedfellows. For instance, I’ve always secretly thought that trekkies and people into science fiction, war games, video games, fantasy and pretty much anything else considered “nerdy”, must be very hard to keep up with in the bedroom. Just imagine the scenarios, story lines and characters they must come up with! There are also people who are just plain kinky and weird when it comes to role-play. We all know someone who has had a partner ask them to do some pretty weird stuff during sex. Or at least we say it is someone else when we tell the story because we don’t want anyone to know that it actually happened to us. I have a friend who once dated a guy who was into wearing women's panty hose. Apparently he would tear a hole in the crotch, put on a pair of heels and… that’s just around the spot where the story ends because I wasn’t about to let her tell me any more.

Obviously what floats some boats doesn't do it for all folks. While I consider myself a very imaginative person, I can't say I've partaken in a great deal of role-play, nothing out of the ordinary anyway. I do however, keep all my Halloween costumes, just in case I need them in the future, for some unforeseen reason. Role-playing can be both fun and healthy. I believe that men and women have an equal footing regarding role-play. While we may have a lot of different sexual preferences, I think that both sexes generally share the same sexual fantasies, excluding of course, the one that has you, your gal and her best friend rolling around in a vat of yellow Jello. Sorry guys, this one is yours alone. Both sexes however, equally want to either dominate or be dominated during sex, which is really what role-playing is all about isn’t it? Now, go get on your spandex Tarzan costume and I’ll try to find my grass skirt, lei and coconuts. You'll just have to figure out what game it is that I prefer to play….written by Brooke Mullins

As I lay on the bed in a Cowardly Lion costume with my tamer standing above me, I soon realized that this was probably not the vision that L. Frank Baum had when he wrote the Wizard of Oz. In fact, this probably would have been interesting if we hadn’t been laughing like Hyenas at the silliness we had created.

I’ve always found that role playing is a tremendous waste of effort and honestly, not very fun. If I’m going to put that much time into doing something, I prefer to inject some romance into my relationship. I’ll make a nice dinner while mixing in some candles and massages. Role playing is a very delicate operation. It requires planning – which by its very nature I find unromantic. Then it requires participation, which is always a tricky issue considering where we may find ourselves mentally and emotionally at any given time. When the perfect storm comes together – sure it can be a fleeting thrill – but all the effort is rarely matched with the intensity and intimacy that is craved for in a satisfying romantic evening.

It can be enjoyable and exciting to step outside yourself sometimes and play out some control and power fantasies through role playing. I’ve just always found it to be more satisfying to simply communicate effectively and leave the costumes in the closet.

So what makes us want to fulfill our partners’ desire to not be ourselves for the evening? I think it’s just another example of trying to please each other while not looking at what we need ourselves. As hard as you might try, you can’t be someone else. It has nothing to do with creativity. In fact, given all the effort and planning - it’s not creative at all. You want role playing?? Try playing the girl we fell for in the first place. We are with you for a reason and it’s not so you can play a lion and make us tame you. That’s just silly and completely unnecessary. When I am feeling romantic and wanting to have hot, passionate sex – I don’t want to have to remember my lines or need cue cards.

Now, I do realize the joy that can come from role playing and it has been a fun, yet fleeting thrill for me before – but when it’s all said and done, it’s the same girl I end up in bed with no matter how we got there. So put away the mailwoman costume and the leash because this dog isn’t biting... written by Andrew Jensen

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Nothing But a Big Faker

2008-04-21T06:25:00.000-07:00

I don’t know if you know this, but there is a rumor going around that some men fake orgasms. Crazy isn’t it! Why would a guy need to this? If he’s not into “doing it”, I think it's pretty self-explanatory. Boy, don’t even bother looking at me with love in your eyes and no bulge in your pants. Still, there are guys who claim that they have indeed faked it, which if you think about it, might actually be a brilliant trick. If you told me that I didn’t make you come, I’m bloody well going to make it my mission to do so. Of course, first you’d have to help me up off the ground, where I will have collapsed in a heap of hysterical laughter. Guys faking it, what will they think of next!

Now on the other hand, we all know that women fake it. Every woman that I know can recall a handful of times when she has put forth more effort into the act of pretending that she was enjoying herself then actually trying to enjoy herself. Although the reasons may differ, like “I was tired”, “He was taking too long”, or “I was afraid I was going to miss CSI”, each woman was politely saying that her guy wasn’t performing well. While I myself have had lots of opportunities to fake, I’ve honestly never done so, simply because I’m not that nice of a girl. Seriously, be thankful that your girl does fake it. Would you really want to know the truth? When I said a handful of times, I meant a handful of times with each partner.

Every woman has been there, wanting the act to just be over so that she could get on with whatever it was that was preoccupying her attention at the time. Fatigue, hunger, stress, resentment and pain are all common things that can bump an orgasm off of one’s priority list and make a girl want to abandon her body if it will get her out of there. I have found myself in one or more of these situations. Sure, I could have “oh, oh, oh”’d my way out from between the sheets. But while I have wanted a partner to bloody well hurry up, I encourage it in a different way, by using sexual words like, "I want you to come for me now baby." Yes fellas, this is why we ladies say this. It’s not because your coming is such a turn on to us, but rather because you are taking forever and we want you to get off of us A.S.A.P. If this technique doesn’t work, there’s always the line "If you don’t come now, you’re not coming at all", (just kidding)…(okay I’m not kidding). Whatever way you say it, personally, I'd rather go the verbal route than attempting my best Meg Ryan impersonation.

The real reason I’m no faker is that I am comfortable with not always having an orgasm during sex. Honest! I'm totally fine with it because I know that a lot of it has to do with my mental mindset and some days I have not the physical nor mental energy to invest in an orgasm. Some days I’m certain that I don’t even have a pulse! It’s not necessarily my partner’s fault and it doesn’t mean I’m not still having a great time. Just remember, to keep a partner’s pride intact faking it may be the answer, but if we all spoke up a little more, there would be a whole lot less pretending....written by Brooke Mullins

The deep breathing, the squealing, the panting. Her vice pulls me in, her grip relentless, her legs shake and quake. Her body pulses. Her eyes roll to the back of her head. She screams in ecstasy. She calls out my name and throws pillows halfway across the room. Her whole body tenses up, then blows a gasket, then deflates to putty. As I collapse next to her, my fragile mental state leads me to ask the question many men before me have asked in their own mind. Namely, “How could Eckersley throw a backdoor slider with a 3-2 count to a badly hobbled Kirk Gibson in the ninth inning of the ’88 World Series?”

Truth be told, that’s the extent of how much I think about whether my most recent lover has faked an orgasm. It’s not that I don’t care whether I rocked her world, or moved mountains – it’s just that I’ve always been a firm believer that the orgasm is not the pinnacle of sexual pleasure.

We all want to please each other and have that feeling like we were the first and only to make our partners lose their minds. And I’m sure lots of guys have had that moment when they wondered whether “she faked it, or not?” It makes sense. But, I don’t worry about these things. It’s not a concern for me. I’m not saying it hasn’t happened to me. It probably has. And sometimes when my rhythm picks up, I observe a look that tells me there’s a traffic jam ahead. This is when I’ve always chosen to focus on shifting gears and working my way round traffic rather than plowing through it. Sometimes finding that alternative route to get around the traffic turns out to be the best achievement of all. Focusing on the pleasure and not the finish line is the easiest way to please any woman I’ve been with.

With that said, there are still plenty of folks who rack their brains trying to understand if and when a partner has faked an orgasm. I have more important things on my mind, like “Why didn’t he just throw an off-speed pitch and get him to chase ball four out of the zone."....written by Andrew Jensen

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Talk Dirty To Me!

2008-04-07T06:38:00.001-07:00

My number rule when it comes to my sex life is that you cannot repeat what I say to you while we are screwing. I don’t care if you tell your friends where we did it or what position we were in. But you are never to mention the actual words that left my mouth to anyone . . . including me. The reason behind this rule is that I have a very dirty mouth. And once we get going there are things that I might ask you to do to me that can get me arrested in several states.

Dirty talk is essential to sex with me. There is no way that two people can have a good ole sweaty raunchy time in complete silence. (Unless you’re deaf and/or mute. I guess signing dirty talk is a little too much to ask. Your hands are busy enough.) Maybe it’s because having lived with men for most of my life, I’ve realized that’s the only time I can get you to actually listen to me. (Oh ride me . . . that feels so good . . . don’t forget to pick up the dry cleaning . . . harder . . . and your mother’s birthday is Friday . . .faster . . . the car needs a tune-up . . . oh yeah!!)

During sex is when we can talk about our deepest fantasies without being embarrassed or shy. What you will and won’t take is as personal as what turns you on. For me, anything that starts with “Pretend you’re my mommy” is a definite deal-breaker. Other than that, let’s see where the night takes us. But please remember that what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. The way I respond to someone calling me a “dirty slut” if I were naked has nothing to do with what I might say if it happened in the grocery store. And I’ve been kicked out of a lot of grocery stores....written by P.S. Jones

Vocal sex... loud, filthy, dirty vocal sex!!! Does that make you hotter? Can it make your climax more intense? The answer is yes and no... Sometimes hot, dirty talk during fornication can put my mind into a whirl and intensify my orgasm beyond my wildest expectations... but what if she says the wrong thing? Can she take you out of your game in mid-thrust? And what about us guys? Your women may say she likes dirty talk; so you pour it on with all the seedy, smarmy, filthy sex talk you can muster... suddenly she stops... you scared her right out of the mood!!!!!!! It's a disaster! I have lived through both of these scenarios.

I really love it when a woman knows my hot buttons and delivers the vocals to intensify the physical stimulation. This is not something that happens spontaneously on a one-night wonder... unless you are very lucky. The rule of thumb is to "Know Your Subject!" Don't surprise polly purebred with a slew of expletives that make her hair curl and turn her frigid.

I remember once I had finally got this woman I was hot for to go to bed, and everything was great. The usual sounds of ooohs! aaahs! In the midst of thrusting her to a climax, she gets into the "exorcist" mode and begins to scream, "That's it, Fuck Mommy! Give it to Mommy!... It got worse from there. I shrunk so fast I almost lost the condom in the throes of her climax. Somehow, the thought of my mother anywhere in the same zip code as me having sex took me right out of the game.

Talking dirty is a perilous double edged sword... If you say the right things, it can ramp up the heat and intensify the orgasms. If you say the wrong thing, it can bring the entire crescendo down to a crashing halt. I love it when the right words are said... The important thing is to know who you are talking dirty to. If you aren't sure that talking dirty gets her hot, I would restrict it to the standard. If you know that a vocal stroll through the sewer will turn her on... have at it, and deliver so much filth that you have to wash your mouth out with soap when you are done....written by Cliff Hodges

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The Legend of Goldie-cocks

2008-03-24T10:57:00.000-07:00

I once had sex with a man and didn’t know it. No, I wasn’t drugged and raped. I was in the middle of naked cuddling that turned to naked kissing, which led to naked grinding. After a few moments, he let out a moan and then apologized for cumming so fast. I was speechless. I had no idea he was even inside me! Later, as my friends grilled me on the status of our relationship, they asked me if we’d slept together. My answer was “He says we have, but I don’t know if I believe him.”

As a woman who’s received more than her share of small penises, I have to tell you that all those men’s magazines you’ve been reading are wrong. Me telling a man that penis size doesn’t matter is like telling a flat-chested woman that boobs don’t matter. Of course, boobs matter. The entire world is run on boobs! But let’s say that you met a woman who was super sexy, smart, funny, caring, a great cook and loved football . . . with no tits. Unless you’re a moron, you’d never let her go. But you’d probably spend the rest of your life staring at any chest you met. Women feel the same way about your penis.

Size DOES matter . . . just not as much as you think it does. We are definitely fascinated with humungous dicks in much the same way you’re fascinated by Pam Anderson. But do we really need all those inches? Probably not. But nobody wants to have to bring a magnifying glass to bed with them, either. Call me Goldie-cocks if you must, but I think I represent most women when I say that I want it to be “not too big, not too small, but just right.” A decent sized member teamed up with a fair knowledge of how to use it is perfect. In my experience, the person who cares most about your penis is you. You’re the one secretly checking out those enhancement ads that show up in your email and comparing yourself to the guys in the pornos. You want a healthy sex life? Stop letting your dick distract you and start paying attention to what I need. Unless yours really is the size of a cocktail weenie. In that case, I’ll go half with you on the penis pump....written by P.S. Jones

Does size matter? All of us guys who were not blessed with "stuff strutting size" hope that the answer to this question is NO... but I think not. Even as a young 18 year-old, I used to say, "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog!". Then one day, a woman looked at me and replied, "Well, you better have something to work with!" At that point all the fears, insecurities, apprehensions, and nightmares descended.

How big am I? Am I at least average? Unless you are hung like a porno star, I think every guy has these fears. I have had girlfriends who have told me they love my dick because it “fits right.", but I've always wondered if that is a nice way of telling me I am small. I feel the three most devastating words a woman can ever say to a guy is, “Is it in?" I have spent hundreds of dollars on pills to add length and girth to my endowment, but while my wallet shrinks, my penis has not grown a millimeter. I have heard the saying that "size does not matter", and the average guy is 5 1/2 to 6 1/2 inches when erect... They just don't get jobs in porno movies. All the logic and statistics in the world do not ease the insecurities when I have friends who are reputed to be enormously blessed, and I see women approach them simply because they want a test drive.

So does size matter??? OF COURSE IT DOES... especially if you are BIG! Fortunately, I’ve never had anyone complain, and God has blessed me with more hotter women than my charm, looks, and wit justify.

Here is my theory on penis size. Like every other sexual option, all women are different. There are a few who really want a big penis, some that enjoy a smaller penis, and others who don't have a strong preference either way. Some women simply like the experience and the intimacy, and the size of the dog is less important. The good thing about being insecure about my size is that it forces me to "try harder" to please. That means lots of foreplay, tons of oral, vibrating toys, and finally, when she calls for it... penetration... which usually delivers the desired climax and overwhelming waves of ecstasy... on a good day!

Yes, it would be nice to have an endowment bigger than a Harvard trust fund. Imagine the confidence that gives you if you are anatomically blessed. But if you are average or smaller - accept the fact and simply try harder... by the time you put it in, she will be able to go off with anything bigger than your pinkie finger. And let's face it... if you can deliver an earth moving climax... you won't have to answer to the "cruel reality" of the tape measure....written by Cliff Hodges

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Position Play

2008-03-13T18:37:00.000-07:00

What’s the big deal about positions? I don’t get it. To me when someone says “lets try something new”, they are actually saying “I’d like to try someone new.” I don’t understand the need for the Karma Sutra; it’s about the partner not the position. Not to say there aren’t a lot of fun positions, only that it takes a special man to enjoy special positions with this girl. By “special”, I don’t mean a partner that is really attractive or good in bed. Special to me, is a partner who makes me feel comfortable, respected and safe while in bed with them.

Everyone has hang ups in the bedroom and I am no different. Who wants their boobs flopping all over the place? Who wants unwanted or unavailable curves emphasized during sex? Not me. For women, the way we feel about ourselves plays a significant role in our behavior in the bedroom and hence how crazy kinky we are going to get.

While missionary is a safe and loving position, a lot of people think it’s dull and unimaginative. I think most of us, unless we are very drunk, tend to still choose this position for our first sexual encounter with a new partner, and so it shouldn’t be discounted. Woman on top is what I consider to be a confident or spotlight position, which sucks for the self-conscious because it’s also one of the more pleasurable ones. In this position, a woman not only controls the rhythm but can also grind her pelvis into her partner’s groin, for additional pleasure. A lot of women avoid it like the plague though. I have one friend who has the rule that when she’s on top, her guy’s eyes are shut. Sounds like a whole lot of fun to me.

If there is talk of sexual positions, there needs to be reliable communication. Nothing is sexier to me than knowing I am on the same page as my partner. Tell me that my body is beautiful and that I would look amazing in a particular position, and I will bend myself into a pretzel for you. Flattery will help any woman find the confidence she may be lacking; it’s that simple. Communication also allows my partner and I to address power issues which can be fun. The issue of power is not relevant in all relationships, however there are men and women who find power play an incredible turn on and like to engage in sexually dominating or passive positions during sex. While I may be cool in one position with a steady partner, a new partner doesn’t have a chance of succeeding. While there’s nothing wrong with taking the initiative, I like men to do so in the bedroom. Please remember that it takes two to tango and we both need to know the steps. Oh, and don’t go over board! Men watch way too much porn; the proof is in the position. Why is it that men want to change positions numerous times? They obviously don't realize how hard it is for most women to reach an orgasm, especially when being thrown around like a rag doll. If you want to mix it up guys, throw some oral sex in for flavor. I believe they still perform it in porn.

There is no doubt that positions play a roll in determining the pleasure ratio both physically and physiologically. I’m up to having fun and trying new things. Just remember, I come equipped not only with an erogenous zone but a comfort zone as well....written by Brooke Mullins

To my (straight) male friends reading: Isn't it cool to be having sex missionary with a woman and be able to whisper into her ear, "Wrap your legs around me," while you stand up, grab her ass and leave her suspended in the air? I find it fun, and as a bonus, if there is a mirror in front of me I can get a great view from behind of my partner. I get a huge ego boost knowing that I can support her and for an extended period of time. She gets added clitoral stimulation from the up and down motion of me lifting her. But the best part of this is the power and virility I feel, as a man, flaunting my strength in such a way. The thought process is something like, "If I can keep this stuff up, she'll continue to stay in ecstasy." Whether this actually happens or not, is beyond me.

From my personal confession above, we can see a lot about the necessity of positions. I think that positions are a great way to ease boredom, find new tastes and discover what you like and don't like. We can find positions that complement our individual personalities and show off our desirable traits (like looking at the well corded back muscles of your partner while doing it doggy style--you can never get that from missionary).

It's a double edge sword with this kind of thing. You have to try out new stuff to keep it fresh--imagine if we can periodically change our job, cars or family. On the flip, if something isn't broke, don't fix it (which is something all guys tend to do in every area of life). Sometimes I try weird stuff simply because I can. Plus, I think if I change it up a bit in bed, I might actually impress a woman and she'll want to have more sex.

All in all, I enjoy trying a plethora of positions. Part of it is because I can, and that I hope to impress the women I'm with. There's the stimulation from each, but I think experimenting becomes more fun than the pleasure derived from the actual outcome. It’s not necessarily the amount of positions you try, but the quality of the person you're having sex with....written by Peter Baker

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You’ve Got a Pierced What?

2008-03-06T06:44:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard the one about the couple who were wheeled into emergency on a gurney? The doctor tried his hardest not to laugh when the couple, red faced, sheepish and huddled together under a blanket, explained that their genital piercings had somehow gotten tangled together during sex and that they were consequently stuck together. Sure, we’ve all heard that old wives tale taken from the modern lover's book of sex, warning of the consequences of tampering with the nether region. I wonder though, how long it took the doctor to get those two apart and if the sex was worth it?

The fetish of pierced genitals, while popular, is something I have never even remotely considered for myself. I don’t have any interest in decorating my girl bits like a Christmas tree, and if my guy dropped his pants and was pierced below, I would wonder what he needed to prove. Now don't get me wrong, there was a time when I did find the whole bad boy piercing thing a bit of a turn on. While I never had any interest in genital piercings, in college, I was totally ready to get my tongue done. As fate would have it though, my housemate whom I was to get the piercing with, had it done with a friend while I was away. Any resentment or envy I may have harbored didn't last long and neither did the piercing. Within a week, both she and the other girl had to have them removed after the pain and swelling became excruciating. I don’t regret missing out on that experience, although there is something sexy about having a little, silver stud in your mouth, that you can tempt the opposite sex with, just by flicking your tongue. Men tend to be fans of pierced tongues because the stud apparently feels great on their swollen penis, but is that enough of a reason to do it? I guess a lot of people think so, but when I think of my housemate slurping soup through a straw, I know it is definitely not for me.

The farthest I ever got with piercings was a second hole on my right ear, which I’m pretty sure, has closed due to lack of use. Lots of my friends went further, almost all donned a belly button ring at some point. None of them wear one currently though, which makes me wonder if people’s piercing preferences is at all related to their given age. How cool is it to see an old lady with a clit ring?

While anything can be sexy on the right partner, is there really a need to stud or jewel the body? It’s beautiful and sexy without the need for gimmicks or neon signs. Of course, if you’re into a little S&M then I can totally see how pulling on a pierced nipple can be fun, but there are always high heels and whips for those of us who feel that we already have a sufficient amount of holes in our bodies....Written by Brooke Mullins

Please excuse me in advance for possibly sounding more shallow than I am, at a sooner time than I'd like. I will never forget that part in Pulp Fiction where Vincent Vega mentions to a heroin using friend of his something about "the girl with all the shit on her face." As it turned out, said girl was actually his friend’s wife, to Vega's chagrin.

I am not sure at what point or how people with piercings get to where they are. Do they wake up and say, "I think today I will put many holes in my face and while I am at it, on my genitals, too." People say it's a form of expression, like tattooing. I do not disagree. However, too many visible piercings are a deal breaker for me, in the realm of sex and romance. I don't find metal and steel to be attractive in anyway. I will opt not to "holla" if a girl has a metal face. (There are exceptions which I can count them on one hand).

There is a practical element to piercing yourself, from what I hear. Apparently, men like the tongue ring due to some sort of stimulation the penis can receive during fellatio. I have never found this to be true. Word on the street also is that women with genital piercings can have better and/or more frequent orgasms during sex. I have never had the pleasure of seeing this happen. Actually, my mood would be killed if I were about to go down on a woman and saw some metal in my way. The same could be said of nipple piercings too. They can serve a practical purpose as well. Like the clitoris, nipples can become sensitive upon being pierced. So maybe the rationale behind piercing is the practicality of it all, though I doubt it. Although I have no metal in my skin, for a man, ear piercings are so common these days that most people don't think much about it. However, a scrotum piercing is a different story.

To ask why people get pierced will yield responses as diverse as the population of the world. I myself would rather not have pierced flesh on myself or a partner. But there is something attractive in the confidence of someone who can walk out in the world pierced before the masses, and maybe that's why many find piercings to be sexy. Choose what you will....Written by Peter Baker

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Strip Clubs: Topless Paradise?

2008-02-26T12:43:00.000-08:00

Being a freelance writer, my days are sometimes full of work . . . and sometimes they’re full of daytime television. This lifestyle had led me to the conclusion that strip clubs are ruining American relationships. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched the judge ask the woman to tell her side of the story and the first thing out of her mouth is “Well, he kept putting the rent money in Tasty D-light’s g-string down at the Pussycat Lounge.” And then the guy comes back with, “Well, Tasty D-light is the only one showing me a little love in this world and at least she cares about me.” Then after a while of them fighting and going back and forth, the judge finally grants someone child support and custody of the trailer.

I think the blatant sexuality combined with a dancers’ approach is what draws men to strip clubs. It’s liberating to see someone that in tune with their body and what it can do. Twirling around on the pole or taking your outfit off with your teeth, all while still looking sexy, isn’t easy. Big hair and big boobs aside, some of the most empowered women I’ve met have been exotic dancers. Still, most women don’t like the idea of their man spending his night stuffing dollars down some girls’ panties. I guess we wonder why our man has to spend the night paying for the privilege of staring at some other woman’s tits. Are my tits not enough? Hell, at least they’re free to look at! I advise all women to get some girlfriends together and go down to your local strip club one night. Buy a drink and take in the scene. That bevy of beautiful women you imagined, all ready to take your husbands and boyfriends away? Not there. The lights are low in the club for reason; not all those girls are all that hot. And they more than likely don’t want anything but the money in these guys’ hand.

Guys aren’t like us. They can’t call their best friend, eat a pound of chocolate and watch Lifetime when they need a break from the world. At the strip club, these guys aren’t ugly, unemployed or supposed to be fixing the toilet in the guest bathroom. They can pretend that they are James Bond or Brad Pitt or whoever it is that walks into bars and has beautiful women shake their tits at him. It’s almost therapeutic. And then they come home feeling like the big man on campus, and get to fixing that toilet in the guest bathroom....written by P.S. Jones

In a man's world, strip joints rule. What could be better... sexy women willing to get naked for the simple act of slipping a dollar bill in their garters. For a few bucks more, a lap dance can get you even closer. That's paradise! Unfortunately, in the Politically Correct world that we live in, topless bars are often vilified by wives or girlfriends who literally detonate at the very thought of their husbands or boyfriends entering the same zip code as a bar featuring live nude girls. Many guys actually shudder at the thought of returning to their "little woman" with the "smell" of stripper on their clothes. I know, I was that guy once, and the fear of being discovered and the thermonuclear holocaust that follows was chilling enough to keep me far away from any titty joint.

Why are strip joints such an emotional issue? Is the reality that a man might want to "look" and even "lust" for a sexy dancer with a surgically enhanced top that disturbing to a woman? Is it exploitation of women to have them caged in a bar dancing and getting naked? NO!!! Lust is a human condition. Lust for a young, nubile, naked dancer is perfectly normal and a sign that your man has a healthy sex drive. Wives and girlfriends simply need to channel that lust in a positive way and supercharge their own love life with their boyfriend or husband. A couple of hours watching hot babes can often bring him back to you hotter than a sailor on shore leave.

In fact, a wife or girlfriend might want to accompany their man to the topless bar. If you have never done it, you will be surprised how much fun women have with the strippers. The dancers welcome them, fawn all over them, and always make them feel special. In addition, you might even learn a lot about a man's fantasies and even some of your own.

Now the exploitation issue... Who is exploiting who? What other job do you need absolutely no skills, no training, and no special talent and you can still walk away with a couple of hundred dollars a night? Topless dancers are savvy adults, and they have chosen to earn their living tossing their bra across a stage for dollar bills. It's a great way for them to make a helluva lot of money compared to other jobs.

So they win... the guys win... and if the wives and girlfriends relax, they win too....written by Cliff Hodges

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Results of Sex Poll

2008-02-22T20:22:00.000-08:00

After 2 weeks of polling our readers on how many dates a couple should go on before having sex, here are the results:

49% agree that 3-5 dates is sufficient
21% say 2 dates is enough
15% think 5 or more dates is perfect
15% believe that one date is all you need

Thanks to all those who voted!

Open Highway or One Way Street

2008-02-15T12:21:00.000-08:00

You start talking about anal sex and most women start to get nervous. You know why? Because at some point all of us have heard those oh so romantic words whispered during lovemaking, “Can I put it in your butt?” (Don’t get me started on the ones who don’t even ask!) Blame it on the curiosity or that ubiquitous anal scene in every porno, but at some point, you’re gonna be asked to participate in booty sex. It’s at this crossroads that you determine whether or not you’re an “up-the-butt-girl”.

Now I know all the reasons why both men and women like giving and getting anal sex. It feels tighter around your penis and some women even experience more intense orgasms. It feels powerful and dominant to be the one giving anal sex to someone else. It’s exciting and new. But I just can’t help but wonder why all this adventure and fun never really seems… all that fun. The few times I’ve tried anal sex, images of prison gang rapes have danced around my mind. My partner has always murmured “Just relax and it will be easier. You’ll really enjoy it if you just relax.” But my butt keeps telling me “No, don’t relax! As soon as you relax, he’s gonna stick that thing in!!! Run, bitch, run!” And the few times I’ve ignored my natural instinct and gone through with it, I’ve been really uncomfortable. How can you feel sexy when every time he pulls out, you feel like something brown and unpleasant is going to come out with his dick?

The fact is that no matter how many women out there enjoy being an “up-the-butt-girl”, there are still more than a few of us who don’t. The whole point of sex is to have fun and orgasm. And how can you have fun if you’re worried you’re going to take a shit on somebody? Or be in pain for two days later? Over the years, I’ve realized I can’t. And if that ruins your little fantasy, then so be it. I’m just not cut out for the anal act. My booty may be big but its hole is not. This is a one-way, exit only zone. If you’re looking for the entrance, check around front....written by P.S. Jones

Penetration is great! Anal penetration is amazing. When a woman surrenders her "rosebud" to me, I get more excited than when she spreads her legs and puts out the "welcome mat". Why is anal sex better? For me, the rush is both physical and mental. Physically, a woman's sphincter is often tighter than her vagina. As a result the pressure, friction, and sensation of plunging in and out of her netherworld can be more intense and maximize my climax. Mentally, being given an open door to the rear entrance leads us into a taboo act that makes me feel wonderfully filthy and lets me know that my partner is as wild, open minded, and kinky as I am..

Face it... How many of us can recall the name of every woman we have had sex with? But anal sex??? That's another story... I can still recite their name, phone number, and favorite hobbies - years later!!!

Now, it can be difficult to find the elusive woman who happens to enjoy anal sex. Unfortunately, societal taboos, misguided religion, poor toilet training, and fear of the unknown make many women reject this form of sex mentally as some form of perverse, kinky, unspeakable sin. Trust me... it is no sin. It should be a sacrament, but it can be next to impossible to change some women's mind about it. Yet, there are women who say it hits the "G" spot better when you approach it from the back door, and their climaxes are much more furious! Just the possibility of this makes it worth a try.

What is everyone's problem with the ass anyway? Why do we assume it's a one way exit? Get over it!!!!! Some guys freak out if a woman so much as touches their uptight, clenched sphincter. There is no reason on earth that guys should always be the "pitcher". Many women have fantasies of slipping on their strap on and violating their guy in the most forbidden way. This is great! Sometimes it is a welcome relief to surrender yourself to a woman and let her be the aggressor.

I say, when it comes to anal sex... Have at it... Throw caution to the wind and open the back door. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman, open your mind and discover a whole new world of sensual pleasure....written by Cliff Hodges

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Sexual Etiquette

2008-02-11T06:32:00.001-08:00

I have to confess, I've slept with a guy on the first date. This has actually happened on several separate occasions. Most of the guys, I'd say three out of four, have turned into substantial relationships. One of them turned into an never-ending exercise in ridicule from my roommates, and essentially ALL of my friends. His name was Rip, the bisexual sailor. [No, I'm not even slightly kidding.]

All social situations have general rules of etiquette that are, at the very least, helpful to be aware of with cautionary attentiveness. Due to the time period in which rules of etiquette were conceived and their unwavering stability in the face of change, they are not always accurate as a set of social governance practices. Also, social etiquette does not necessarily cover the dirty details of sexuality. Teen flicks and media at large attempts to fill the gap, but both are somewhat hopeless. One really cheesy nugget of wisdom from the preceding sources is "why would he buy the cow when he can't get the milk for free?" Others tout a three date rule for sexual intercourse - after three dates, you can "do it." I don't feel the topic can be nailed down so easily.

I introduce to you, Sexual Etiquette, a term which I use to loosely define what is acceptable and unacceptable in regards to sex. Some issues are easy. Obviously rape is on the "definitely-not-an-option" list while making love to your life partner is on the "approved" side. Let's focus on a more vague issue and my favorite of all awkward moments- Sleeping together on the first date.

As far as sexual etiquette is concerned, sleeping together on the first date is a grey area. Everyone seems to have an opinion on the subject and they rarely match up. As far as perceptions are concerned, there are definitely different rules for women than there are for men. Women are historically expected, largely due to religious dogmas and socialization, to not enjoy or seek sexual relations. If a woman sleeps around, she is a slut - which is a label no lady will self-apply or want applied from a third party. When women want to have sex with a man on a first date, they have to balance their animalistic desires with the perceptions of them after the deed is done. Historically, men are expected to be virile and spread their seed as much as possible. Therefore, the greater the number of sexual interactions, the more a man is a man. For men ages 16-25, sexual encounters are the height of being human. Men also need to have little concern over social perceptions.

When we consider the two aforementioned dogmas, we think that women definitely get the short end of the stick. This is not true. For sexually liberated women, it tends to be easier to have a one-night-stand than it is for men. If a guy goes on a date with a girl and he is not a complete ass, he understands that sexual aggression is not attractive. Also, times are changing. People of our generation are more likely to understand that women as well as men have sexual needs. For the better or worse of our culture, many long-held sexual generalizations are going the way of the buffalo. Just look at "Sex in the City," which portrays women as sexually exploitive as men.

Despite your gender, it's best to size a person up before having sex with them. One of my friends, an artist by trade, is completely against first date sex. This isn't because of the dogmas nor perceptions. He hates sex on the first date because it generally comes on the heels of intoxication. When people are drunk they tend to have less social inhibitions. Thus, rampant drunken sex and a spewing forth of emotions. As an artist, my friend has his feelings hurt a little more readily than most. When a drunk lady friend tells him that she loves him or that he's the best she ever had, he reluctantly believes her. When she wakes up in the morning and regrets her decision, he's left with a bruised heart and/or ego. Since this happened on multiple occasions, he's implemented a stone-cold-sober-middle-of-the-afternoon first sexual experience policy with any new partner. He also mentioned having floodlights on so they could see, in plain view, every flaw.

I realize the floodlights are too excessive for most, but essentially he's found what works best for him. Some people are built emotionally and physically able to throw caution to the wind. Some people need a layer of steel-clad armor to protect their hearts and minds. We all need to find where we are in the spectrum and act accordingly.

Written by Anna Z

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To Shave or Not To Shave

2008-02-05T09:23:00.000-08:00

Do you like the jungle or the desert? If you watch vintage porno from back in the 60's and 70's, it seems like everyone was prancing around with a thick mound of pubic hair. Then along came the era of the totally shaved pubic region, or the "Brazilian" which leaves just a neat, little landing strip of hair above the vagina.

As someone who started out in the 70's and 80's, it used to be exciting to finally feel my face meet the fuzzy jungle that guarded the promised land. It was at that point you were pretty assured of getting in the gate and starting the party. Now, however, the "state of the art" seems to be shaved or at least trimmed very fine and the thick pubic hair jungle is an endangered species. Men have not escaped the question, "To Shave or Not To Shave" either. Depending on my potential partners at the time and their preferences, my pubic area is always in a dynamic state between smoothness and furry. I have been with women who are extremely "hair averse" and for them, I am happy to shave down. One of the nice things about being hairless down there is that it makes an erection look a lot larger when it is poking from your groin rather than a jungle of hair.

There are still women, especially in the BDSM and fetish world, who enjoy the opportunity to pull the pubic hair. This may sound like a painful ordeal, but for so many, it is just part of the pleasure. Of course, for men, going down on a woman with a shaved pubic region can often result in "beard burn" if the shave is not terribly close. What I recommend for this is to offer to shave it for her. The intimacy you will share while shaving is very sensual, and before you shave away that last stroke, the promised land is usually steaming, moist, and ready for entry.

Most women I have encountered over the last 10 years are shaved smooth, close, and sexy. This is a turn on for me because I never end up with pubic hairs in the mouth and I also feel I have a much better touch and an easier time finding the clitoris.
As a man, I am pretty ambivalent as to whether my pubic hair is grown out or shaved. If the woman likes it shaved... I shave it... If she prefers it with hair, I grow it out. The key being that it is important to make the visual experience "down there" as inviting, enticing, and exciting to your partner as possible. I must admit that I do prefer a woman to be shaved. Seeing that area trimmed smooth is like a welcome mat that invites me in. It shows that she is trying to make it attractive which means she wants some attention down there.

I also find that rubbing my cheek against her smoothness and simply the act of orally adoring a "shaved altar" are activities that are more exciting to me and make me feel confident that I can do a better job down there versus dealing with the jungle. Obviously, there is no one answer as to whether you should shave your pubic area or not. The answer lies in your own personal preference and the preference of the person or persons you will be sharing it with.

So what turns you on….the desert or the jungle? Either way, it can be fun to talk about, and even more fun to experiment with.

Written by Cliff Hodges

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