If Jesus Were a Dad – Postscript

In Part One of this series, I indicated that I would write more about the chicken before the egg. I didn’t get to it in the original essay, so I’ll tack it on here.

Initially, I indicated that I believe that part of our spiritual transformation process can sometimes include obedience before a change of heart.

I used the analogy of getting my kids to brush their teeth. Today, it’s just something they have to do because Dad says so. Eventually, they will grow to understand the benefits of good oral hygiene and they will value what having healthy teeth and gums will mean for them.

To demonstrate this on a spiritual level, I’ll use the example of how I came to maturity in my financial stewardship.

I remember, as a kid, seeing my dad write a check (or cheque, for my Canadian friends) in the amount of $100 and putting it in the collection plate at church. I was floored by the amount of money! My dad gave the church $100 a month and I thought that was some serious dough!

Now, I have no idea why that was Dad’s amount. He never really taught me about giving to God. I knew he did it. So, when I became an adult and was attending church (and was semi-gainfully employed), I began giving my church $100 per month.

I had never given any money away before, so this was HUGE for me. I did it because it’s what my dad did and it seemed like the right thing to do.

Eventually, as a part of that church family, I began participating in a discipleship plan which had me partnered with another guy, a few years older, who would walk me through a variety of personal, spiritual disciplines.

After several months of study, we eventually hit the lesson on tithing. Honestly, I had never even heard the word. Greg, my discipleship partner, walked me through the Biblical principles of tithing and stewardship and he challenged me to be more assertive with my approach to giving.

I just wanted to obey God. So, I made a giving plan. I stuck with it and over a short time period, I went from being a token giver to being a tither; giving 10% of my gross income to God.

The point that I want to make here is not about tithing, as much as it is about the fact that, initially, I just did what I thought God wanted of me. I acted out of simple obedience. Eventually, my heart grew to love giving to God.

My wife recently joked, when she got a new job with a higher salary, that I would now have more money to give away.

I heard a story once about the founder of Domino’s Pizza giving away 90% of his earnings and living on 10%! That speaks to my heart.

Why? I don’t know.

I guess that sometimes that is simply the way the Holy Spirit works His wonder in our hearts. When we act in obedience, even if it’s painful or uncomfortable, we can eventually find pleasure in that process. It feels good in our heart.

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If Jesus Were a Dad – Part Three

When Jesus confronted the pharisees about their spirituality, he hit on one thing pretty hard. He beat them up over the fact that while their behaviour was outstanding, that their hearts were impure.

He called them white-washed tombs; Pretty on the outside, full of death and decay on the inside.

As we disciple our kids it’s important that we are not just aiming to conform their behaviour, but that we are focused on their hearts. Proverbs 4:23 says that we need to guard our hearts because our heart determines the course of our lives.

Over and over and over again, we see Jesus doing things and saying things, right before the eyes of the twelve. And then, when it’s all over and done with, Jesus gives them an explanation of what He did and why He did it. He aims at their hearts after putting the info into their heads.

This is such a VERY simple way of leading our kids towards God. Let your kids see you in the act of living out your life for Jesus and then take time to explain exactly why you have made the choices you have made.

I want my kids to know;

-       why we invest in relationships with our neighbours

-       why we support children in third world countries

-       why we have a community group at our home

-       why we wash the feet of our church family

-       why we helped that lady move her furniture

-       why we tithe

-       why we moved across Canada to start a new church

-       why we don’t watch certain shows on tv

That list could go on forever…

My point is that, Jesus didn’t just pull out a Bible and teach His disciples the words. He demonstrated, modeled and explained. He saw every teaching moment for what it was and took full advantage. And that’s exactly what we need to be doing as parents to effectively disciple our children.

The biggest obstacle to this plan for discipleship, is that it requires us, the parents, to be living intentional, Jesus-centered lives.

Good or bad, our kids will likely grow up to do what we do. They will make similar choices. They will conduct relationships in a comparable way.

I’m a believer that the why is just as important as the what. But I’ve got to be the one to model and explain. I have to be Jesus for them in order for them to know the God that I follow.

Sound simple? Sound scary?

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If Jesus Were a Dad – Part Two

Let’s get down to the nuts and bolts of why I think discipling our children is far easier than we’ve made it out to be.

First off, discipleship starts with someone taking the lead, just as Jesus did with His disciples. He positioned Himself to take them on a journey – a journey of spiritual learning, understanding and awakening.

Now, Jesus had supernatural powers that you and I don’t. He could have just “zapped” His disciples into knowing and understanding all that He needed them to know. But He didn’t. He was very intentional about the process. And the process is really very simple.

STEP ONE - Lead (and model)
Leadership requires that you are actually going somewhere. A teacher is not necessarily a leader.

I can teach (or tell) you lots of things about playing a guitar. But if I never show you a guitar or play one for you, most of what I say will probably make little sense.

Jesus not only taught the disciples, but He modeled for them what He intended them to do.

As parents, this is a critical piece of our ability to disciple our children. We cannot expect them to do what we are not doing.

I made a rule at my house a couple of years ago that everyone had to eat something green at every dinner (boogers excluded). The problem with that rule, was that I never ate green vegetables. But I knew that if I expected my boys to do what I was expecting of them that I was going to have to do it too. I had to not only say it, but I had to model it too.

It’s been a tough row to hoe, eating all those green veggies, but I’ve done it. And now my kids are great veggie eaters. I just thank God that I never had to model eating broccoli for them. They were both willing to do that without me leading the way.

Here’s the deal, though, folks. If we are going to model being disciples for our kids, we have to position ourselves to continuously be discipled. 

If you want your kids to grow into mature, reproducing followers of Jesus, the first thing you’ve got to get straight is how you, yourself, are growing into a mature, reproducing follower of Jesus.

If it’s not happening in your life, fat chance it will ever happen in the lives of your kids.

Period. End of sentence.

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If Jesus Were a Dad – Part One

Jesus had a perfect Dad. He also had a step-dad. It’s hard to know exactly what kind of father Joseph would have been for the Son of God, but one has to assume that since God hand-picked him to raise His Son that He probably got more right than wrong.

Most of us, as we parent, will emulate much of what we got from our own parents; whether we intend to or not. I believe the same thing is true when it comes to discipleship. We disciple others, by default, as we were discipled; assuming that we were discipled at all.

Since our goal here is to understand how to best disciple our kids, let’s begin by defining discipleship:

Discipleship is the process of being transformed into the likeness of Jesus.

Discipleship is not learning the Bible.

Learning the Bible is part of the process of that aforementioned transformation.

The transformation of a sinful, unrighteous, worm-of-a-human-being into the likeness of Jesus is a spiritual process. It is not a process that we control. We may contribute to the conditions, but there is a finite limit to how much we can do (1 Cor. 3:6).

That being said, I hope I have taken some of the weight from your shoulders, parents. Try as you might, you cannot conform the spirit of your child any more than you can change the colour of your hair. Sure, you can dye your hair, shave it off, or even put a wig on it, but if you are a redhead, you will always be a redhead – until God makes it go gray.

But though I cannot change the colour of my hair (once upon a time, I had lots), I can tend it. I can keep it clean, manage the style and take care of it. And this, or course, is about all we can do with our kids. We can provide an environment of learning and healthy growth. We can introduce them to Jesus and give them instruction on what it means to follow Him (and how to do so) but the Holy Spirit is ultimately the One who transforms the heart. I hope I am overstating the obvious when I say that discipleship is purely a heart issue.

As we develop this environment of development, we should focus on our kids’ BVB’s. No, not their BVD’s, although ensuring that they wear clean one’s is a good practice. BVB’s. Beliefs. Values. Behaviours.

Beliefs + Values = Behaviours

What they believe and what they value will determine how they behave; just like is does for you!

I am a firm believer that sometimes the chicken comes before the egg. Sometimes, as followers of Jesus, we need to act on things out of obedience first and then the heart follows. I know that’s true with non-spiritual discipline issues. When I want my kids to form good hygiene habits, I require that they simply OBEY. Eventually, those hygiene habits will become so natural that my kids won’t be able to disregard them.

Right now, for my 7 and 9 year old boys, brushing their teeth is a hassle. But they must obey. Eventually, they will understand why it’s good for them (both their health and their social life), it will become a value and they will eventually do it on their own without having to be told.

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I think the same thing is true with much of our spiritual growth. Sometimes we just need to do what God wants us to do and eventually our heart will change. I’ll write more about that process later.