Tadpoles 'R' Us

Ils sont fous, ces enfants

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Thu, 28 Mar 2019 13:57:00 +0000

Lady in Pink and Minion bubble waffles.

A treat after going to the movies to watch Astérix et Obélix et le secret de la potion magique with Oma.

Gas not lest ye shall be judged

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 12:52:00 +0000

I was driving when my focus switched from the road to a discussion the kids were having in the back seat.

"Nicolas! Don't judge somebody by the way they behave."

I thought those were pretty deep and wise words coming from Eloïse...

Then she added, "I didn't fart!"

Holiday treat

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Thu, 12 Jul 2018 11:54:00 +0000

1st week of the school holidays so we thought we'd check out Sky City's Winter Wonderland Snow Globe.

Life, according to Nico

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Sat, 27 May 2017 23:36:00 +0000

Don't cry, Maman

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Mon, 19 Dec 2016 12:17:00 +0000

I went to the Family Planning Clinic today to have my contraceptive implants replaced.

The kids were looking a bit worried after I explained the procedure (i.e. I get cut open - cue dramatically brave moment). So to lighten up the mood, I asked them if they'd give me a lollipop after the anaesthetic injection, like they did after their immunisations.

I came home this evening to find this on my bed, extracted from Nicolas' advent calendar.

No cigar

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Sun, 11 Sep 2016 13:47:00 +0000

Nicolas wanted to ride out to the horses by himself.
To give him some independence and also tools to protect himself, he gets a quick crash course on what to do if a man in a coat gives him lollies.

"So if it's a man, you kick him real hard in the zizi. If it's a woman, you punch her real hard on the nose."
... Ensues a discussion on gender-specific harm, I get him to repeat what I just said to make sure he won't try to kick a woman in the nuts, and he's on his merry way.

Later tonight, I wake up a sleepy Nicolas to go to the toilet and tell him that AJ's mum will give him a bag tomorrow at school. Because he only looks half awake, I get him to repeat what I just said about AJ's mum.

"I have to punch her in the zizi."

Monkey hears

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Wed, 15 Jun 2016 08:45:00 +0000

It's time to eat, and Eloïse's toy bird Lucky Lee is floating on the table.

"Va ranger Lucky Lee, Eloïse.
- Excuse me, Maman ?
- Va ranger Lucky Lee ! Ton oiseau !
- Ahhhh. I thought you said : 'Va ranger l'enculé'...
- 😐"

Tough cookie

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Tue, 15 Mar 2016 12:37:00 +0000

On Tuesday last week Oma picked up Eloïse from gymnastics as she usually does.

Ellie was on the floor, practicing her splits, and when done went to greet Oma. She was holding her arm and behaving quite quietly. Told Oma she fell off the high beam, cried a bit, got an ice pack from the coach, and that was that.

Eloïse was still in pain after dinner so we took her to Starship. One x-ray, two books, three doctors and nurses and four hours later, the verdict fell. A fractured elbow. No gymnastics or swimming for 6 weeks. But it's all good, she weaseled her way into being offered an ice block and got a sling and plaster cast her friends could draw on.

Hello, my name is...

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 11:28:00 +0000

Conversation between Nicolas and Eloïse:

"My initials are NM. Nicolas Martens.
- Yeah! And mine are EM. Eloïse Martens.
- And yours,... *they both turn to look at me*
- You're MM. Maman Martens."

Child Psychology 101

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Mon, 25 Jan 2016 15:12:00 +0000

It's 4:00 and Eloïse walks into our bedroom.

"Mummy, I can't sleep, I keep thinking about all these people swept out to sea and it's so saaad."

After swallowing up my initial idea of waking up Bastiaan to reap what he sowed, I decided to just take a leaf from the Internet. What do we do when we're depressed? Why, look at pictures of cute puppies of course.

And while I didn't find pics of Loki as a puppy, Nicolas as a baby did the trick.

Ellie did try to milk it one last time by asking to sleep in our bed.

Age and height

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Thu, 21 Jan 2016 12:35:00 +0000

"You're getting tall, Nico. You're nearly as tall as me.
- I'm not nearly as old as you."

Papa needs to have a serious talk to his son on how to speak to ladies...

Bribery and corruption

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Fri, 01 Jan 2016 10:30:00 +0000

We're playing Monopoly and Eloïse buys a street that I wanted.
"Eloïse can I buy Piccadilly off you?
- Nope.
- I'll give you Vine Street, plus M80.
- Nope.
- If you have Vine Street,... *ensues a lengthy exposé on the benefits of owning all three streets on the lot, building houses then hotels and collecting rent from unsuspecting tenants*
- Nope.
- I'll give you Vine Street, plus a Cadbury Rose.
- OK !"

Hope the birds and the bees don't get married.

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Thu, 20 Aug 2015 14:41:00 +0000

Eloïse: "Maman how do you stop yourself from having babies?
- *Trying to buy myself time before having to explain sex and contraception.* Huh?
- *Articulating as if talking to the village idiot* How-do-you-stop-yourself-from-having-babies?"
Nico: "You get married."

Masterchef Mangere Bridge

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Sun, 29 Mar 2015 06:29:00 +0000

Nicolas and Eloïse decided to surprise us by preparing tonight's dessert.

Canine anatomy 101

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Fri, 27 Mar 2015 03:42:00 +0000

Eloïse has a friend over, and Vivien hasn't met a lot of dogs. Even less entire male dogs. So she turns to Ellie.

"What's that thing there?
- What?
- That black thing under his bum.
- Oh, it's... it's for his poo. That's where his poo comes from."

The reputation of French drivers

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Fri, 20 Feb 2015 14:07:00 +0000

Walking to the car from school, Nicolas, Eloïse and I prepare to cross and step foot on the road. At that moment, a school bus pulls out of its stop so we step back onto the footpath as it drives by.

Nico: "I think he was French.
- The driver? What makes you think he was French?
- Because he didn't stop to let us cross."

Travel advice

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Wed, 10 Dec 2014 19:06:00 +0000

"Nicolas and Eloïse, can you please move your colouring to the table instead of the floor so I don't step on you?
- Always look.
- ?
- Always look, before you step."

Ellie's visit school visit!

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Sat, 06 Dec 2014 05:28:00 +0000

Sitting nicely with Israel, her friend from kindy. Well, she asked him to marry her, so I guess that makes him her fiancé.

She's in Room 4, with Mark Bracey, the only male teacher in the school.

Mangere Bridge Santa Parade

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Sat, 06 Dec 2014 05:23:00 +0000

No swimming pool?

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Wed, 19 Nov 2014 09:25:00 +0000

No problem!

Nico the explorer/fighter merman

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 12:23:00 +0000

Merman tail (excl. socks) courtesy of Oma.

Correspondence with La Petite Souris

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Sat, 27 Sep 2014 07:19:00 +0000

Too much sugar in the lunchbox = cavity = abscess = tooth extraction.

Below is what happens when a bad mummy forgets to leave money under the pillow and just managed to get out of bed to leave it next to the cat's food bowl.

Check your shoes

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Tue, 02 Sep 2014 09:29:00 +0000

After his tooth was extracted, Nico came to work with me instead of going back to school.

I work in an office where site inspectors and field crew often come after having waded through grass, mud and stormwater, so this sign is at the door.

Badass dental patient

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Mon, 01 Sep 2014 19:44:00 +0000

Nico had a tooth pulled out yesterday.

I recall my tooth extractions in Noumea were a lot more teary, painful and louder than his.

Nicolas tries to outsmart Maman

noreply@blogger.com (Cécile) — Thu, 28 Aug 2014 13:00:00 +0000

About a year ago, I got this great scam started whereby I had Nico convinced that "Maman knows everything".

The initial goal for this was two-fold: 1) to get the kids to listen to me, and, 2) once I unveiled the truth, to get them to understand that when I actually don't know something, I would look it up or ask questions until I eventually know.

Whether I remember the answer is a totally irrelevant thing.

Nicolas even got his friends in his class to believe it. I went through a lot of trouble not bursting out laughing whenever they (and the teachers!) came to me to ask about it.

So eventually I told them the truth, and life just carried on without any fuss.

Earlier this evening, Nicolas asked me something and I said distractedly:
"I know.
- How do you know?
- ( I couldn't help and the words came out of my mouth) Because you know, I know everything.
- Noooo you don't!
- Yes I do!
- Oh yeah? What's... *thinks quickly* one gazillion times one gazillion?
- It's a gazillion squared.
- What's a gazillion square?
- It's one gazillion times one gazillion! Go check with Papa."

And off he trots.

A few seconds later, I can hear Bas chuckle.