1. • KURT: I haf found an interesting artifact of using Mega-Tune.
   • JOEL: OK.
2. • KURT: Many albums, reduced to one note per song, seem to form new songs with the notes. For example…
3. • MEGA-TUNE: You. Are. My. Sunshine. My. Only. Sunshine. You. Make. Me. Happy. When. Skies. Are. Gray.
4. • JOEL: Whoa, what album is that?
   • KURT: “The Best of the Velvet Underground”.

1. • BARRY: Attention listeners: this radio station will now only play simplified, one-note versions of songs created through a horrifying process called “MEGA-TUNE”.
2. • BARRY: You’ll grumble, but then submit. As you have to every atrocity during what has become a 40-year march toward the complete homogenization of rock.
3. • BARRY: So… after the break, I’ll play all of John Mellancamp’s “American Fool”, but you’ll just hear nine single notes matched with nine semi-patriotic grunts.
4. • BARRY: It’s gonna suck, but you deserve it. And I’m BARRY, the HONEST DJ. Back after this…
   • BRETT: Barry speaks the truth and it hurts so good.

The cover of the book Brett is reading in this strip is my friend DC’s forthcoming novel, The Boy Who Couldn’t Sleep and Never Had To.

It is purportedly about nerds who doodle mech characters. Porter approved!

Pre-order it today!

1. • MEGA-TUNE: Monogamy.
   • GREG: That’s… “Single Ladies”?
   • GREG: Yes! GOOD!
2. • GREG: I love these one-note songs. I mean… I don’t actually LIKE most songs I’m supposed to like. But this way, they’re… TOLERABLE.
3. • GREG: So… THANK YOU.
4. • GREG: You’ve made my mindless devotion to pop SO easier to stomach.
   • GREG: Oh, tt is our PLEASURE, sir!

1. • MEGA-TUNE: Sociopath. Sociopath. Sociopath.
   • TESTER: …and that, of course, was a Rivers Cuomo medley.
2. • TESTER: DECISION TIME! Do you like the regular songs, or the one-note Mega-Tuned versions?
   • GREG: Um, the short ones are… CATCHY, but the regular ones have, you know, MELODIES.
3. • TESTER: I need an answer, Greg! Now now NOW!
   • GREG: AUGH! I- uh- t-the Mega-Tuned ones!!?!
4. • TESTER: Oh good, we hoped you’d say that…
   • GREG: Oh thank GOD…

1. • TESTER: So which version of the song do you like more?
   • GREG: I DUNNO…
2. • BART: Consumers don’t LIKE decisions, Joel. They want us to TELL them what’s right. THEY NEED US.
   • JOEL: You talk like they’re HELPLESS. They aren’t scared little CHILDREN, sir.
3. • GREG: Um… I… I have to go potty.
4. • BART: AREN’T they, Joel? AREN’T they?
   • TESTER: Sir, put that DOWN. Sir… SIR, get that OUT of your mouth! Drop it… DROP it!

1. • TESTER: Greg, we’re going to play two versions of a song, and we want to know which one you like better, OK?
   • GREG: OK.
2. • COLDPLAY: For some reason I can’t explain, I know Saint Peter will call my name, Never an honest word, but that was when I ruled the world
3. • MEGA-TUNE: Overwrought.
4. • GREG: Hmm. The second one was definitely… SHORTER…
   • BART: Write down that subject finds Mega-Tuned version is “PEPPY” and “FUN”.

1. • JOEL: His sense of pop music is unCANNY. When asked to list songs he liked, he recited Clear Channel’s ENTIRE Adult Album Alternative playlist.
2. • JOEL: We ask him his favorite song every five minutes, and he’s somehow able to always list the current top single on iTunes at that EXACT moment.
3. • TESTER: What about now?
   • GREG: “Fireflies” by Owl City… no, wait, NO… actually it’s “Replay” by Iyaz.
4. • BART: FAScinating…
   • GREG: Wait, NOW it’s the Glee cast version of “Alone”. NO… “Take a Bow”! NO!! “ALONE”!!!

My friend Kira dressed up as my character, The Cloud, for Halloween on Saturday. Here she is:

At the party, she even gave people topic-based suggestions and handed out Web links on little cards.

She is a nerd.

And so am I! So I love it and am thankful.

More of you need to start dressing up like my characters! I will have to have a convention to encourage this.

Look for PorterCon 2010 details soon.

1. • TESTER: Before we begin the product testing, let me ask: what makes you like a song?
   • GREG: Like, you know, if it was on Gossip Girl.
2. • TESTER: OK, well… let’s say you hear a really good song that hasn’t been on Gossip Girl, and-
   • GREG: But… if it’s really good, it WOULD be on Gossip Girl.
3. • TESTER: OK, but this one isn’t.
   • GREG: But… why?
4. • TESTER: Wait, was Gossip Girl canceled?! Is there somewhere I can check Twitter here?!
   • GREG: OK, let’s… let’s move on…

1. • TESTER: So, prior to the focus test, we just want to get to know you a little before we show you the product.
   • GREG: Yeah, I’ve done these. The product’s great.
2. • TESTER: Well, I haven’t shown you the product.
   • GREG: But I bet it’s great.
3. • TESTER: OK, but… you don’t have to like it. We want your honest opinions. Positive or negative.
   • GREG: Well, I’m positive it’s great.
4. • TESTER: Sir, you don’t even know what it IS.
   • GREG: Uh huh… hey, when do I get that free Frostie coupon?