1. • SMITA: This mix you made for my birthday has “BLUEBERRY BOAT” on it.
   • BRETT: Oh, of course, sweetie! I’ll never forget when we met at that concert.
2. • BRETT: You were checking Brooklyn Vegan on your Treo. Well… TRYING to! Ha! Wow… remember TREOS?
   • SMITA: Brett! I HATE the Fiery Furnaces now!
3. • SMITA: I’m totally out of my Bush-era “ESCAPIST WHIMSY” phase. Do you… do you even FOLLOW my FriendFeed?
   • BRETT: No, I… follow your TUMBLR.
4. • BRETT: Isn’t it… pretty much… the SAME?
   • SMITA: Uh… WOW. I… I think we need to talk…

1. • PETITION GUY: Sir, have a moment to support gay marriage?
   • GREG: Oh, no thanks, I already- I voted for ADAM LAMBERT, so…
2. • PETITION GUY: WHAT? On American Idol?
   • GREG: Yeah, NO, I just- I mean, y’know- I’ve sort of- you KNOW, I… am TOTALLY down with, uh… gay stuff…
3. • PETITION GUY: “GAY STUFF”?
   • GREG: Yeah… you know, it’s just like… like… it’s COOL- I’m COOL with your- with YOU… you know… being GAY… and stuff.
4. • PETITION GUY: Sign the fucking petition.
   • GREG: YUP, OK, yeah…

1. • MILEY CYRUS: Ain’t about how fast I get there…
   • BRETT: My friend sent me this song from the HANNAH MONTANA movie as a JOKE…
2. • MILEY CYRUS: Ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other siiiiiide…
   • BRETT: But I’ve been secretly listening to it for days. I can’t STOP…
3. • BRETT: Eventually some INDIE BAND will ironically cover it and I… I can switch to THAT… but until then I… I… I… gotta be STRONG!
4. • MILEY CYRUS: It’s the cliiiiiiiiimb!!!!
   • BRETT: Yes! YES!! God DAMMIT, Miley, why nust your words ring so TRUE!!

1. • BRETT: Well, as of 3pm, MGMT has over 300,000 fans on Facebook. I have to hate them now.
2. • BRETT: They’re becoming mainstream. An anti-MGMT backlash is inevitable. It’s like the STOCK MARKET. I gotta get out before the bubble bursts…
3. • GREG: But why so SOON? Aren’t you being overly cautious?
   • BRETT: You don’t underSTAND… You weren’t there in ‘99.
4. • BRETT: …when the bottom fell out of the RETRO SWING market…
   • GREG: Oh right… the Bryan Setzer “correction.”

1. • RONI: Music theory is like a… BEAUTIFUL MATH PROBLEM. Music and math are a lot alike actually.
   • DAN: But… I’m TERRIBLE at math.
2. • RONI: Well…
3. • RONI: You’re not really great at music either.
4. • DAN: Oh yeah, so that actually makes sense.
   • RONI: Yeah.

1. RONI: No, John, you can’t do that.
   JOHN: Do what?
2. RONI: You ended your song before you resolved the melody!
3. • RONI: You can’t DO that!
   • JOHN: Why NOT?
   • RONI: You just CAN’T!!
   • JOHN: I CAN!!
   • RONI: No, you CAN’T!!!
   • JOHN: Says WHO?!
4. • RONI: Says MUSIC!!!!
   • JOHN: I AM music!!!!
   • CHRISTINA: OK, let’s… take a rehearsal break…

1. • RONI: If that’s what you want me to play, then say that!
   • JOHN: I DID say that!
2. • RONI: No, you said, “add more emotion”! Who knows what that means!
   • JOHN: People! PEOPLE know what that means!
3. • RONI: Isn’t it much easier to remember that I play the root and fifth note as an arpeggio?
4. • JOHN: Yeah, if you’re a MIDI sequencer, Roni!
   • DAN: Wait, now I’m not even sure I was playing the same song as you…

For no real reason other than the mention of MIDI, here’s a MIDI cover of “Kashmir”, which is “for pepole that want to sing with the music only” according to this YouTube poster:

1. • RONI: You mean like… this?
   • JOHN: YES! Yeah. That.
2. • RONI: OK, so when you say you want me to “hit more weird notes” in my solos, you actually want me to use chromatics to create melodic tension.
   • JOHN: I guess.
3. • RONI: (sigh) This would be so much easier if you guys had a strong music theory background.
   • JOHN: Yeah…
4. • JOHN: Or, I mean, if you DIDN’T.

I know nothing about music theory. (Which may be apparent.)

I am impressed how many musicians on the web put lessons and videos out there for free. Amazing resources out there for folks. I don’t play guitar nor am I learning, but I think it’s interesting and I love the awkwardness of the videos, so I watch them.

Subtext to this one: “This song is so fucking simple and yet the guys who wrote it are millionaires and here I am doing this stupid video for free.” Notice how many times he says “it’s VERY simple”, “that’s IT” or “that’s ALL” and how inflects those phrases.

I also love the comments below the video which juxtapose with this guy’s helpfulness. For example: “Seriously, if you need lessons on how to play stuff like this give up”

Anyone find any particular site or set of videos particularly helpful (or funny)?

1. • DAN: That’s amazing, you played that solo IDENTICALLY to the last time you played it.
   • RONI: Oh, well, yeah. I have the notes all written out.
2. • DAN: Hmm, this is interesting…
   • RONI: Oh, Dan, I didn’t think you could read music.
3. • DAN: Oh, I can’t, no…
4. • DAN: But if you blur your eyes this looks like a little guy with a handlebar mustache.

Guitar World collected their 50 Greatest Guitar Solos earlier this year. Which is worth a look.

Eddie Van Halen’s “Eruption” was #2 on the list. It apparently wasn’t even going to be on the album, and also has a mistake in it up top that makes Eddie cringe every time he hears it.

Whatever, it can’t be so hard. This effin’ 10-year-old can do it:

1. • COREY BROWN: Hey, you sounded great up there. What was that called?
2. • RONI: Well, my guitar solo used a scale called the Hungarian Minor (or Harmonic Minor #4). It has a large number of half steps and a slightly ambiguous tonal center.
3. • COREY BROWN: I just sort of meant, “What’s the name of the song?”
   • RONI: Oh.
4. • RONI: I have no idea.

Apparently Satriani’s into Hungarian Minor. Which works, as Satch is a guitar nerd hero.

If you don’t know Joe Satriani, but are my age, you at least know “Summer Song” which was in a Sony commercial in the 90s:

He also sued Coldplay for stealing his song. Did he do it? This Canadian guy’s on the case!