Chapter 3: Why White Parents Don't Talk About Race. Does teaching children about race and skin color make them better off or worse?

I admit - I fear I am exactly who they are talking about - a white parent who doesn't talk in the right way about race. Yes, we tried to explain to our 4.5 year old how important and significant it is to have a Black president. But it seems so hard to try to explain the history of prejudice. And living in Marin, his world is much less diverse than we would like - not just skin color, but economic diversity and diversity of life experience.

But the research about in-group preferences even in young children - that children seek out "their own" group even when it's a manufactured group like the color of shirt you wear for a research study - proves to me that we need to be much more explicit. Our children don't live in a color-blind world, and if we don't make our values clear, they'll draw their own conclusions.

I particularly liked the authors' recommendation to approach talking about race in the same way we talk about gender - we're very explicit that girls and boys can do the same things, strive for the same goals in life, and in fact, as a working mom and stay-at-home-dad couple, I think we're living a lifestyle that proves men can be nurturing caregivers and women can be competent breadwinners.

So how do we be explicit about race? Evidently children's books help, though conveying historic rather than current discriminatory practices may not be enough. And I realize I shouldn't let the seeming artificiality of the discussion stop me from having it - non-white parents talk about race and discrimination even in the absence of an event to prompt it. And without explicit talk, our children will create their own labels and interpretations that may be very counter to our beliefs.

What do you think? Do you talk about race? How do you approach this sensitive topic with your children? Are you convinced by the research suggesting explicit conversations are required, that it's not enough to espouse "everyone is equal"? Share your thoughts in the comments - please don't be shy!

Not sure if you're the right level, or want to upgrade? Just call Jessica at (415) 339-3958.  

Let your imagination run wild as you create the most delightful gingerbread house on the block, festooned with candy canes, gumdrops, frosting and other treats. Don’t miss the sweetest event of the holiday season.

Weekends
November 28 & 29, December 5 & 6, 12 & 13, 19 & 20

Weekdays
December 21, 22 & 23

11 a.m., noon & 1 p.m.

$25 per gingerbread kit.
Pre-registration required.  

Open registration begins on Tuesday, November 17.

Shout it out with the Alphabet Rockers. Featuring hip grooves, rocking guitar lines and tight rhymes, this is music that you can enjoy no matter what your age. Every catchy and clever song in this genre-hopping show introduces preschool concepts from counting money to naming the colors of the rainbow.

Get down with your bad self this Saturday, November 14, at 11 a.m. Tickets are Members $5; General Child $10; General Adult $12 (includes Museum admission). 

Buy tickets online.  

Chapter 2: The Lost Hour. "Around the world, children get an hour less sleep than they did thirty years ago. The cost: IQ points, emotional well-being, ADHD, and obesity."

The research in this chapter focuses on the effect of sleep debt on older children and teenagers - that it leads to poor mood and even depression, poor performance on tests, and even being overweight. I particularly appreciated that the research focuses on changes in the brain and hormone production - it's not an innate failing in the children or teens to be moody, binge-eating, lazy or poor students.

The challenge of course - what to do about it? My eldest starts kindergarten next year - I can't imagine how it's going to effect all of our lives to have to be on the move earlier in the morning! And starting school later might be good for our kids and their brains, but it is very true that the schedule is based on adult needs - how would working parents get a child to school by even 8:30 and still make it in to work on time?

As mom to a 20-month-old and 4.5 year old, the premise of the importance of sleep definitely resonates - though right now my particular problem is getting my baby to sleep through the night! I'm sure I've lost more than a few IQ points due to perennial sleep deprivation, so I see how important it is for my kids to get enough sleep. We'll see how possible it is to get them enough sleep when they get older, start homework and after school activities. As a child, I was always hiding under the blankets with a book until way too late - few parents would want to tell a child to stop reading and go to sleep! Plus right now, the only way we get them in bed so early as it is (between 7 - 7:30) is that my husband makes us all dinner and we eat as a family super-early at 5:30!

What about you? Do your kids get enough sleep? Do you have a plan for when they get older? How do you enforce it as they begin to exert their own independence?

Be part of the musical fun as the Banana Slug String Band performs their earth-loving songs. This duo plays music that is so infectious that children can’t help singing, dancing and laughing along as they learn about this home we call Earth. Music, theater, puppetry and audience participation create a rich experience for the entire family.

Get groovy this Saturday, November 7, at 11 a.m. Tickets are Members $5; General Child $10; General Adult $12 (includes Museum admission).

Buy tickets online.

The Fine Print:

To win, you must be our fan on Facebook. On Friday, November 6 at 9:30 a.m. we'll use a random number generator to pick 5 random numbers from the total number of Facebook fans of our page at that moment. Our fans are listed in the order they became fans, so we'll use the numbers to pick the winners with our first fan counting as #1, and moving up from there to the total number of fans. Employees of the Museum are not eligible - if one is picked by the random number generator we'll pick another number. If you win, you will be notified by private message through Facebook by Jennifer Caleshu, Director of Communications. Please make sure your privacy settings are set to accept non-friend Facebook messages.

I love the metaphor in the book about exercising your brain like a muscle - that's a concept that I've heard applies to growing older as well (use it or lose it!). And the importance of being specific in praise makes it easier to apply the research as well - it takes more work as a parent to find the specific effort to praise, but being specific means you're being genuine, which is always better than a half-hearted "wow you're smart!"

What do you think? Are you a “praise junkie,” as Bronson describes himself, for either yourself personally or for your child? One of my favorite bloggers, Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project remarks often about her own need for “gold stars” – and the challenges of trying to give yourself your own stars (intrinsic motivation) versus getting them from others (extrinsic motivation). Are you trying to adjust your “praise” of your own children? How do you apply this chapter to your own parenting or reflect upon your own childhood?

Do you have any questions about the research that you’d like to ask the authors? Include them in the comments – Po and Ashley have volunteered to answer them for us!

If you’d like to purchase a copy of the book for 15% off from Books Inc. in Laurel Village in San Francisco, just email jcaleshu(at)badm.org and I’ll add you to the book group list.

Where does a chipmunk sleep? What does an eagle feed its young? How do mother bats find their babies in a cave? In Animal Secrets, families will learn the answers to these questions and more as they explore the hidden habitats and secret lives of forest animals. Using imaginative role-play and hands-on activities, children will discover nature from an animal’s point of view in naturalistic environments, including a stream, meadow, woodland, cave, and naturalists’ tent.

The Members-only Breakfast on Sunday, November 8 from 9  - 10 a.m. is just about full! Museum members can come early before the general public and enjoy breakfast at the Museum. See our new exhibit Animal Secrets and enjoy a free continental breakfast sponsored by Boudin Bakery. To RSVP, email membership(at)badm.org with the number of adults and children planning to attend.

• Mobile-Making with Starfeather
• Autumn Wreath-Making with Jenn and Raquel
• Shadow-Play with Amy
• Music Parade with Matt
• Boat-Making with Danielle
• Parachute Games with Jason and Matt
• Wandering Wizard Stories and Poems with Pagan

These activities mostly take place in the afternoon and are all free with Museum admission. Check out the listings on our Drop-In Activities page or on the Calendar.

Put on a costume and join the Time Outs for a Halloween dance party. They will be performing a lively mix of kid-centric indie pop, 60s garage and good old-fashioned rock and roll. This high energy show encourages kids and adults alike to sing along, learn some new dance moves, and walk like a monster . 

Dance along on Halloween, Saturday, October 31 at 11 a.m. Tickets are Members $5; General Child $10; General Adult $12 (includes Museum admission).

Buy tickets online.