Sex, Relationships, Marriage, Dating, & Love Blog Articles

Dating, Valentine's Day and Online Shopping With Her In Mind For A Gift That Will Keep Her Giving

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 10:50:58 PST

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It is important that throughout the whole year,i pay attention to what her needs are and what she wants. I find it quite easy to read between the lines,for those indicators that tell me of her wants and needs as the year rolls on.I mostly go with what she needs as opposed to what she wants. When we go out shopping i pay special attention to what she likes,looks at and wishes for. I watch and make mental notes of what she likes to wear on a regular basis,especially clothes and jewelry. I want the Valentines Day gift to be a personal one to her and definitely not an item that we both can use. Items like furniture for the home or communial gifts will not work i learned that the hard way.A personal gift solely for her is what she wants.

I have always believed that a special gift on Valentines Day for my significant other,goes along way in maintaining a giving relationship and most of all,blissfull loving peace for the rest of the year. My shopping is done online and i make sure that the delivery is made to my office and not at home.

I do not gift items that are perishable,i combine them all,flowers,a card,jewelry or clothing and most of all an outing not to the next door beer hole or anything local but somewhere a little off the way from our locality. We spend the night out of the house and i make all the arrangements making sure that i do not do the same thing every year.She might expect a night out on V-Day but she will never know where.

My lady loves clothes and jewelry as indicated above,nothing extravagant but something that she can wear and recall where it came from. I am not a patient shopper but as the year goes by, i browse through different websites for something that catches my eye.I do not necessarily purchase my valentines day gifts in February,if something catches my eye and the price is right,i will make make the purchase at any time of the year and all i have to do is make sure it is well hidden. As i said before,once i see something that she would love i make the purchase and if i feel that it might not work for her,i replace it with something else and keep the current one for another spontaneous occation. My lady goes through alot of changes as far as her needs and wants go, so i always go with the flow and so far i have not failed in always giving her a gift that she adores on valentines day,as long as i stick to clothes and jewelry.

A bottle of perfume to go with a piece of apparel goes along way in consolidating the gift and i do so believe in mixing it up and she loves it alot. A lone gift will not work,you have to move up the ladder towards the most prized gift,it makes it fun and meaningfull because what i am telling her is that i appriciate all the fun and love she brings into my life.Its not all about the actual gifts that i have shopped for her that matter most. Its the way i present them to her and buying several items for her makes it a valentines day worth waiting for because she rewards back in return in one huge joyous way.
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Singles! Find Your Perfect Soul Mate for Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 09:46:47 PST

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Old rule: You can tell if you're truly attracted to someone in three seconds New rule: You can't tell if you're truly attracted to someone until you've had three dates
When it comes to finding love, there are certain truths that seem so irrefutable that any single person would be a fool to not follow them. Maybe you're a firm believer that you can tell within seconds if you're attracted to someone. Or, maybe you adhere to the idea that a first kiss says it all: If you feel fireworks, your date's a keeper; if it bombs, cut your losses. While these romantic maxims have their fans, experts insist that these laws no longer hold true in today's dating world. In short, many rules single people follow need a little revamping. To that end, we've consulted authorities in the field to bring you the most up-to-date tactics for finding someone you'll click with.
"Love at first sight" is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it's darn convenient to think you can tell if you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience, sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you're a match (or not).The reason: People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can people truly relax and maybe build some rapport. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone's long-term potential.
"An important part of a compatible relationship is assuring that each partner's values coincide, and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues," says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work, at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don't write someone off — or fall head over heels — until you've done due diligence.

Marry Beauty or Else....

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 12:55:12 PST

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on
the rocks.

After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, and orders another
double martini. After he finishes that one, he peeks inside his shirt pocket again and
orders yet another double martini.

The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta
tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look
good, I know it's time to go home."
************************

Are Certain Types Destined To Date?

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 08:03:21 PST

Your eyes meet across a crowded room. You feel it, the other person feels it. But what is “it,” exactly? In other words, what gets sparks flying between two people but not others? That’s a question that continues to boggle the minds of scientists, poets, and real people the world over. But if you want to increase your chances of choosing the right partner ‘til death do you part, modern research does have some answers. Read on to find out which personality types you’re most likely to click with — and stick with — for the long haul.

Familiarity breeds…a bond?
While fairytales are full of twosomes from very different walks of life, Cinderella-style stories rarely exist in real life for good reason. People are generally attracted to those who are similar in terms of education, intelligence, religion, and financial status. “Often, ‘like’ attracts ‘like,’ what anthropologists call ‘positive assortive mating’ and ‘fitness matching,’” says Helen Fisher, Ph.D., anthropologist and author of Why We Love. The reason it’s important is pretty obvious: When people don’t see eye-to-eye on many levels, they just simply don’t ‘get’ each other, and that can be tough for any couple to overcome. “I think the most important thing you can ask yourself about a prospective mate is: If this person were not a romantic interest, would they be one of your very best friends?” says Sam Hamburg, Ph.D., a marital therapist and author of Will Our Love Last?

What’s ‘familiar’ about a mate may not always be immediately evident, however. “People may feel chemistry with someone who treats them in a way that’s familiar because it’s a dynamic they know,” says Lisa Firestone, a clinical psychologist and author of Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships. A woman who grew up with an alcoholic father, for example, may end up with a wild-man artist, who’s similarly unpredictable but (hopefully) in more positive ways. So, don’t be surprised if your relationship echoes some dynamic from your past.

Why complementary types connect
She’s super-organized; he’s a constant mess. He’s a quiet couch potato; she’s the life of the party. We’ve all seen couples whose personalities seem light years apart. Is it true that opposites attract? Not exactly. “There’s a lot of chemistry between opposites and the relationship has a lot of passion,” says Firestone. “But eventually they may end up hating each other for the very things that drew them together in the first place.”

A better match, say experts, are people whose personalities are complementary but not complete contradictions. “Sometimes a really high-strung person will calm down around someone who’s laid-back, or maybe the person who has a lot of energy is a motivating influence on the person who’s mellow, and it’s really good for them both,” says Firestone. Likewise, personalities that are too similar can miss out on new experiences. “If two people are very risk-averse, they might never pursue opportunities that they should,” points out Hamburg. “And on the flip side, two people who are high risk-takers might get themselves into trouble. But if you have one who’s more risky and one who’s cautious, then through a dialogue the couple might be able to make better decisions than they would if they were the same.”

Complementary couples do run the risk, though, of falling even deeper into their differences. “When a person dates someone who plays a balancing role, he or she tends to polarize: The quiet person gets quieter, and the talkative person becomes the spokesperson for the relationship,” points out Firestone. “He may start to think that he’s a whole person only when he’s with her, and vice versa. And when people do that, the quality of relating tends to deteriorate.” So, couples should be careful to treat their partner’s strengths not as a crutch, but as an opportunity to watch and learn new habits and skills to move outside their comfort zones on occasion.

The chemistry behind chemistry
Scientific breakthroughs in the areas of genetics, biology, and neurology are also helping experts piece together the mystery of romantic attraction. Fisher, for example, has used her knowledge of body chemistry to come up with a new theory on who’s likely to click with whom—and why.

“Certain genes, hormones and neurotransmitters have been associated with specific personality traits,” she explains. “For instance, testosterone is associated with independence. All of us have these chemicals, but some of us have more activity in one of these chemical systems than another.”

The upshot? After reviewing the data, Fisher found that based on the activity levels of four key chemicals (serotonin, estrogen, dopamine, and testosterone), people largely fall into one of four “temperaments”: Builder, Negotiator, Explorer, and Director. Here’s a rundown:

The Builder
Chemical in charge: Serotonin (associated with sociability and feelings of calm)
Personality: Calm, managerial, conscientious, home-oriented but social
Best match: The Explorer
Worst match: The Director

The Negotiator
Chemical in charge: Estrogen (associated with intuition and creativity)
Personality: Imaginative, sympathetic, socially skilled, idealistic
Best match: Good with all types!
Worst match: None

The Explorer
Chemical in charge: dopamine (associated with curiosity and spontaneity)
Personality: Risk-taking, spontaneous, curious, adaptable
Best match: The Builder
Worst match: The Director

The Director
Chemical in charge: testosterone (associated with independence and rational thinking)
Personality: focused, inventive, daring, logical, direct
Best match: The Negotiator
Worst match: The Builder

While these four temperaments can be used as a guideline to find a compatible match, Fisher cautions that the mystery of romance doesn’t boil down entirely to a few neurotransmitters. “There is magic to love, no question about that,” she says. “But culture and biology play important roles. In short, when you are ready to fall in love and you meet someone who has a complementary chemical profile, you can feel attraction to him or her—which instantly or eventually can turn into deep feelings of romantic love.”

Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a New York City-based writer whose work has appeared in Marie Claire, Prevention, and other magazines.

How To Undo Her Bra With One Hand

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 13:12:31 PDT

Expand the description and view the text of the steps for this how-to video.

Check out Howcast for other do-it-yourself videos from heroicarts and more videos in the General Sex category.

You can contribute too! Create your own DIY guide athttp://www.howcast.com/videos/new or produce your own Howcast spots with the Howcast Filmmakers Program athttp://www.howcast.com/filmmakers/apply.

There'll be no awkward fumbling to spoil the mood if you master this smooth move.

To complete this How-To you will need:

A willing partner
The location of the clasp
A free, warm hand
An agreeable friend for practice (optional)

Step 1: Continue kissing and stroking

Continue kissing and stroking her face or hair with one hand while using your free hand to feel for the clasp to determine whether it is in the front or back.

Step 2: Determine clasp location

Place your hand on her breast, over the shirt, and feel for a plastic clasp between the breasts. If you don't feel anything, it's probably a back clasp.

Tip: She may be wearing a sports bra, which has no clasp and can't be removed with this method, or no bra at all.

Step 3: Feel under the shirt

Slip your hand underneath the back of her shirt and feel for a thicker piece of fabric about three to five inches long in the center of the bra. This is the back clasp.

Tip: Before going underneath the shirt, make sure your hand is warm. A cold hand on the back is never welcome.

Step 4: Remove tension

Remove tension from either a front or back clasp by grasping the fabric on either side of the clasp between two fingers. Then squeeze your fingers together toward the middle to release.

Step 5: Practice

Practice the squeeze and release technique with a willing friend to ensure quick and smooth removal when it counts.

Thanks for watching How To Undo Her Bra With One Hand! If you enjoyed this video subscribe to the Howcast YouTube channel!http://www.youtube.com/subscription_center?add_user=howcast

Music That Enhances Sex

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 14:18:31 PDT

When it comes to sex, you need to make sure you set the scene for the session. And what better way to do so than by using music to enhance the sexual experience?

The kind of music you opt for is entirely up to you, but most guys (and women) will agree that death metal is out of the question. So, depending on the kind of sex you'd like to have, choose your music accordingly.

But rather than opt for an album by a single artist, I recommend opting for compilation albums -- i.e. soundtracks and what have you. For now, here are some suggestions you might want to keep in mind the next time you happen into a music store.

R&B
The great thing about R&B music is that it usually comes with lyrics, so if there's something you want to tell her without actually saying it, you can say it with song. And if not, then let the men and women of this genre help you seduce her.

My suggestions:
Tha Down Low
Let's Get It OnElectronica
If you like to chill out and go through various speeds and tempos while doing the deed, then this music will serve to give you and your girl exactly what you're looking for. This music, along with a good bottle of wine, can turn your session into something hypnotic.

My suggestions:
Cafe Del Mar Volumen OnceParis Under A Groove - Stylistique Vol. 1

Dance
Considering you're doing your own horizontal dance, listening to some soft, original dance music will serve to make her sway her hips more so on your penis. Personally, I think this is the best kind of music to have sex to.

My suggestions:Beautiful Tomorrow - Blue Six
Nude Tempo 1 - Muguel Migs
Penetrate Deeper (Reis) - Deep Dish
Addictive Beats - Saeed & Palash

Ethnic
If you're the type of guy (or couple, rather) who enjoys trying out new things every so often, why not put on some bellydancing beats or soft Greek rhythms and let her show you what she's made of? If the music makes her feel sexy, she will proceed to show you exactly how sexy. Not to mention, penetration will definitely feel a little spicier.

You can always start out the foreplay by dancing together and then you can, oops!, accidentally end up inside her.

My suggestions:
Immortal Egypt - Phil Thornton, Hossam Ramzy
Buddha Bar VI

Jazz
If you're in the mood to take things slowly up the foreplay department and move into penetration with ease, then jazz is the kind of music you might want to try out.

My suggestion:
Better Sex Video Series: Indulgence - Sensual RhythmsVerve RemixedBossa Nova
If there's one kind of music that can get any woman in the mood, it's bossa nova. The Brazilian voices and eclectic music will leave any woman feeling happy and perhaps horny, and she'll be enjoying her orgasm in no time. As will you.

My suggestions:
Bossa Nova For LoversGetz/Gilberto - Joao Gilberto, Stan Getz, Antonio Carlos Jobim

play that funky music

And there you have it; enough music to keep you sexually satisfied for at least a couple of months.

Remember that although music can enhance sex and all its surrounding activities, you should try to adapt the beat to whatever you're doing with your girl. What I like to do is turn the volume up to make a woman comfortable enough to moan a little louder.

Add some lighting and take your time, and before you know it, your woman will start turning on the stereo to give you the hint.

Until next time, let the beat take over.

By David Strovny Sex Education Correspondent

Online Dating Do's and Don'ts

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 08:07:34 PST

What You Can Do Here are some basic rules for interacting online. Don't give out any personally identifiable information (like your screenname, email address or phone number) If you're under 18, check with a parent or guardian before using an online dating service.Seriously – if you think your parents are gonna be P.O.'d about you being there, talk to them about it first, 'cause they're gonna be way angrier if they find out the hard way. Watch what you say! It's fun to flirt, but take it easy. Don't ever type anything that you'd be embarrassed to say in a public place. Speak up! If someone makes you feel uncomfortable,contact the servce customer support and tell them about it right away.

Trust your instincts: if you think someone is lying, they probably are.Again Email customer support about it. If someone makes you uncomfortable, stop talking to them. You don't owe them an explanation. Just stop. You can use their BLOCK feature to make sure that you never hear from them again. Do you think that this is a good assesment of how to conduct oneself on an online dating service?

Asian Love & Dating - Asian Dating And Singles Site

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 13:08:31 PDT

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Black Singles Online Dating & Matchmaker

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 08:12:03 PST

We bring single black men and women together helping them build relationships that will last with that special match.

Urbandatz.info features black dating personals for African Americans, single Africans in Africa and sexy blacks worldwide. We help you meet that special love match for life long relationships. Urban Datz is a black singles matchmaker that gives you the tools to help you meet for dates, casual fun, friendship, love and romance. Meet single black men and single black women in your local area. Get personalized matches based on your preferences.

Our features provide a simple, safe and fun dating platform where as a member you can quickly view and contact thousands of black singles in your area. Our one of a kind profile system allows members to setup audio, video, photo albums and much more. All the features you need to meet black men and black women are at your fingertips. Send flirts, send messages, use our live chat, post and browse pictures, and much more. Create your free profile and find your match.

The New Rules Of Attraction

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 13:20:33 PDT

When it comes to finding love, there are certain truths that seem so irrefutable that any single person would be a fool to not follow them. Maybe you’re a firm believer that you can tell within seconds if you’re attracted to someone. Or, maybe you adhere to the idea that a first kiss says it all: If you feel fireworks, your date’s a keeper; if it bombs, cut your losses. While these romantic maxims have their fans, experts insist that these laws no longer hold true in today’s dating world. In short, many rules single people follow need a little revamping. To that end, we’ve consulted authorities in the field to bring you the most up-to-date tactics for finding someone you’ll click with.

Old rule: You can tell if you’re truly attracted to someone in three seconds New rule: You can’t tell if you’re truly attracted to someone until you’ve had three dates

“Love at first sight” is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it’s darn convenient to think you can tell if you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience, sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you’re a match (or not). The reason: People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can people truly relax and maybe build some rapport. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone’s long-term potential. “An important part of a compatible relationship is assuring that each partner’s values coincide, and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues,” says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work, at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don’t write someone off — or fall head over heels — until you’ve done due diligence.

Old rule: Your mate must meet all the criteria on your “must list” New rule: A “must list” looks great on paper, but paper won’t keep you warm at night

You can check off the attributes you want — appearance, background, education, career, salary — but unless you’re building your lover in a lab, you’re missing out. Of course, you should have standards and not settle for a two-pack-a-day smoker who doesn’t want kids when you’re allergic to smoke and eager to start a family. But settling for nothing less than perfection is unrealistic. “Must lists are a classic recipe for unsuccessful dating,” says Fleming. “They’re too limiting and don’t allow for chemistry, which is more intangible and valuable.” Try to be flexible, especially when it comes to physical or material attributes like someone’s height, salary, or hair color. After all, just because someone’s 6’2”, blonde, or makes six figures doesn’t mean he or she will make you happy, so do yourself a favor and treat your ideal-mate wish list as just one factor in deciding who’s right for you.

Old rule: Opposites attract New rule: Opposites distract

Dating your diametric opposite might mean the surprise of someone really new and different, lots of challenging banter and scintillating make-up sex—but sustaining a partnership with your polar opposite may ultimately prove unfulfilling. “The classic couple with nothing in common except their on-fire fights plays well in the movies, but in real life that attraction fizzles quickly,” says Alyssa Wodtke, co-author of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet. “If you don’t like to do the same things, there will be nothing for you to do outside of the bedroom. And if you don’t want the same things for the future, what kind of future can you have?” We’re not saying you should end up with your clone, but ideally it should be someone who complements your personality (see the next rule for more details).

Old rule: Your date’s record collection (or DVD library, or bookshelf) mirrors yours—so you must be soul matesNew rule: You want a person, not an iPod playlist

Sometimes you meet someone and have so much in common, you know it must be love: Each of you saw Phish perform at least a dozen times and know the works of David Sedaris inside out. But don’t confuse mirror-image taste with chemistry. In fact, it’s probably better if your interests don’t match up exactly. Not only does that leave room for you to expand your boundaries and dabble in something new that your partner digs, it also means you two will probably have little trouble maintaining some healthy independence. “Some of the best relationships are those where both parties have completely independent hobbies and allow for the concept of ‘his, her, and our’ time,” notes relationship coach Hu Fleming, Ph.D. So, take it as a good sign if you spend the occasional Saturday night apart—you doing dips at ballroom dancing class, your date doing the wave at an NBA game.

Old rule: Your first kiss should be a toe-curling experienceNew rule: Your first kiss is inconsequential

In fairytales, an amazing first kiss leads to happily ever after—no wonder we place such importance on that primary pucker! But there are ample reasons why a first kiss from a potentially great partner can go awry (nervousness or a less-than-ideal setting) and just as many to explain why a first kiss from Mr./Ms. Wrong can feel so right (you’ve exceeded the two-drink minimum, perhaps). “ A kiss can be a romantic, erotic experience with someone you find physically attractive, but a relationship will crumble without more complex attributes like shared values,” points out Piers. So rather than write someone off following a less-than-mind-blowing kiss, smile and move in slowly for smooch number two, either at that moment or on a subsequent date. Trust us, you owe it to yourselves.

Old rule: When it’s true love, you think about this person constantlyNew rule: When it’s true love, thinking about this person makes you feel good

Hmm, has Willie Nelson’s “You’re Always on My Mind” become the theme song for how you feel about your sweetie? That may not be for the best. “Constantly thinking about another person isn’t love, it’s infatuation, and infatuation has no correlation with being a good match,” says Fleming. Ultimately, it’s a better gauge to assess thequality of your thoughts rather than the quantity. “If you have warm and comfortable feelings when you think about your date, that indicates a relationship built on stability, trust, and a strong ‘friendship’ factor, denoting a relationship that will more likely wear well over time,” says Piers. If, on the other hand, your relationship keeps you up all night as you analyze this person’s emails for hidden messages that reveal his or her true feelings, you may be chasing down someone who doesn’t really want to be yours.

IS MARRIAGE DEAD?

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 08:08:59 PST

When asked why all of her marriages failed, anthropologist Margaret Mead replied, I beg your pardon, I have had three marriages and NONE of them was a failure.

Why do Americans believe that one life long marriage is the only real road to happiness and success?

Marriage has changed more in the last 50 years than in the past 5,000. Yet many cling to traditions that evolved among our farming ancestors.

When our forebears began to settle permanently to the land, they began to need to cement their social ties. What better way than to wed your daughter with my son? One married someone with the right social, economic and political connections. Virginity at marriage, strictly arranged marriages, till death do us part, the belief that women are less sexual than men, and many other traditional beliefs about women, men and marriage arose.

The Greek, Roman, Chinese and early Christian philosophers and theologians regarded ones love of kin, God and civil duty as far more important than love for a spouse. Strong marital commitments were not regarded as the foundation stone of society until the 20th century.

Today love, communication and companionship have become central to a partnership. We are shedding many of our past agrarian beliefs and returning to patterns of sex, love and marriage that our ancestors practiced a million years ago traditions that are highly compatible with our ancient human spirit.

Forward to the past: this trend began with the Industrial Revolution. As men and women began to leave the farm for city work, they no longer needed to marry to maintain time honored social ties. And by 1800 more and more had begun to choose their spouses for themselves, live together before wedding, and divorce and remarry to make happier partnerships.

This Marriage Revolution continues. Today some 91% of American women and 86% of American men would not marry someone unless they were in love with him or her, even if this person had every trait they were looking for in a spouse. People in 37 other cultures agree; they want the chemistry of passionate romantic love.

Divorce is also becoming common. The American divorce rate is currently 43%, much like that of several other Western countries. But people are changing their attitude about marital separation, seeing it less as failure and more as the first step toward finding true happiness.

Romantic love within marriage, divorce, remarriage: these trends are not new. For millions of years in ancient Africa both men and women commuted to work to hunt or gather fruits and vegetables. The double income family was the rule. The sexes were economic, social and sexual equals. And men and women married and remarried whom they chose. As women re-enter the paid labor force in droves, we are reassuming these ancient life ways.

Today, for example, most men and women experiment with sex and love long before they wed. Many live together before they tie the knot. Some have children first, then marry. And many have two or three spouses across their lives. All are traditions from prehistory.

In fact, we no longer live in a traditional marriage culture. Older women are marrying younger men. Inter-racial marriages have increased dramatically. Homosexuals can now form legal bonds in several states. Older people are remarrying rather than settling with their children. Living together, commuter marriages, visiting marriages, polyamorous marriages, childless marriages, singlehood, bearing children out of wedlock, registered domestic partners, divorce, remarriage, step families: In short, we can no longer expect most people to spend most of their lives in one traditional style marriage.

But are we happy? The New York Times recently reported that 51% of American women are currently living without a spouse. Is this reason to panic? On the contrary, it may be reason to celebrate.

Take the widows. In past centuries most women died young; today they are enjoying their senior years. What's wrong with that? Others are still young. Unchained from the narrow routines of farm life, they can finally postpone an early marriage to explore their opportunities in a wider world. What's wrong with that? Last are those who have divorced. Finally, these women have the economic means to leave bad marriages to make good ones.

In fact, demographers and historians say that women in the western world are experiencing happier marriages today than at any time in history probably for two reasons. Foremost, many women (and men) can afford to walk out of bad marriages to make better ones. Second, with the current emphasis on companionship within marriage, people today expect more from their partnerships and are working harder on their relationships than at any time in history.

Despite these obvious, largely beneficial, and largely worldwide changes, Americans cling to their outmoded beliefs about traditional marriage. I wonder if they know what they espouse?

In historical times, most husbands had the sole responsibility for the family's economic worth, while most wives were uneducated and confined to kitchen, church and nursery. Virginity at marriage was required; divorce was almost impossible; and a double standard for adultery prevailed; even rape within marriage was excused.

I think it is time to practice the democracy we preach. Prince Charming. happily ever after. till death do us part. The belief that there is only one true love for each of us. These fantastical beliefs may be as damaging as the fantasy of the perfect female body. Most of us cant live up. So lets embrace what we see around us men and women following their own paths in their primordial drive to love.

And love is a drive. Deep in the human brain lie three circuits that evolved to foster reproduction: the sex drive, romantic love, and attachment to a partner. Each is associated with different brain chemicals and each interacts with the others. This, for example, is why casual sex is often not casual. Any sort of sexual stimulation activates dopamine systems in the brain and can trigger feelings of romantic love. And with orgasm comes a flood of oxytocin and vasopressin, chemicals the can create deep feelings of attachment to a partner. These brain systems will never be extinguished.

And marriage is not dead. In fact, United Nations data on 97 societies indicates that over 90% of men and women in most societies wed by age 45. But it is metamorphosing into many supple, varied patterns. Most important is the rise of the 21st century marriage form, what sociologists call the symmetrical, companionate or peer marriage: marriage between equals.

Its time to enjoy our freedom to be ourselves.

Meeting Off-Line: How to Tell the Time is Right

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 10:21:05 PST

Sure, the thrill of making a connection with someone online is exciting at first. He's attractive, has a good job as a lawyer and whaddya know? He's got a ferret, too. His is a Siamese, and yours is a Sable. But still, what are the chances? His email turns out to be witty and sincere:

ShrooBaby,
Hi. I'm new here, but I saw your picture and profile and thought we had a lot in common. Hey, what's your Sable Ferret's name? Mine's Roxanne. Write me back when you get a chance,
Max (Headroom87)

Before you respond, you call in the cavalry—forwarding his profile to your four closest gal pals. Most have wonderful things to say like, "adorable," "great catch" and "love that picture of him on the beach." Bitter Vanessa says his ears are too big, but she's probably just jealous he didn't contact her.

With the votes counted, you write him back, eagerly telling him about your ferret, Beck, which stirs up a week's worth of back-and-forth emails. You learn that he likes peanut butter but doesn't like peanuts. He learns that you have a secret obsession with professional bowling.

Time to meet in person?
Will a face-to-face ruin the whole fantasy of your online match? Watch for these four signs you're ready to take it off-line:

1. Sparks are flying

2. Building anticipation

3. Marathon phone calls

4. Dropping names

If the signs are there and you decide to meet him off-line, plan your initial meeting in a public place. You could choose one of the restaurants he's been name-dropping, or maybe even the pet store to browse for ferrets. Meeting someone online is a great way to screen prospective dates, but eventually you've got to move it off-line. And trust me, your cutie will be a lot cuddlier than that keyboard of yours.
REFERENCE:
Meeting Offline: How to Tell the Time is Right

Love, Explained

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 10:07:34 PST

Have you ever wondered how much of love is about the heart… and how much is about hormones? Whether love at first sight really exists… or is just something Hollywood conjured up? And what about chemistry—can you create it, or does it just happen? Most of us have pondered such issues, and we decided to get some answers. That’s why we sat down with noted anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, who is also the author of such books as Why We Love. Her noteworthy career has been dedicated to understanding love—how and why it functions for us humans—and she sat down with us to share her fascinating insights.
Q: In a nutshell, why do we fall in love?Dr. Fisher: I’ve come to think that romantic love is one of three basic brain systems that evolved for reproduction. Each evolved for a reason: The sex drive evolved to get you out there looking for partners.Romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your energy on just one person at a time, conserving time and energy. And attachment, the feeling of security you can feel with a long-term partner, evolved to help you stay together long enough to raise kids.
Q: Why does being in love feel so good?Dr. Fisher: Because some of the most powerful brain circuits for pleasure are triggered. The main chemical involved is dopamine, which produces feelings of euphoria, energy, sleeplessness, and focused attention on your beloved. Biologically speaking, you’re experiencing something similar to a cocaine high.
Q: Is there such a thing as love at first sight?Dr. Fisher: Yes. It probably happens to men more than women because men are more visual, but I think we can all remember times when we felt an instant attraction to someone we barely knew. It has a practical purpose: In the animal kingdom you can’t spend three months discussing your résumé; you need to feel instant sparks to start the breeding process.
Q: Is falling in love all about timing?Dr. Fisher: Timing is important. The perfect partner can sit right next to you at a party, and you might not notice him or her if you’re too busy at work, enmeshed in another relationship, or otherwise preoccupied. But if you’ve just moved to a new city, recovered from an unsatisfying love affair, begun to make enough money to raise a family, are suffering through a difficult experience, or have a good deal of spare time, you are ripe to fall in love.
Q: Is there anything we can do to make someone fall for us (or make ourselves fall for someone)?Dr. Fisher: Do new things together. Novelty and excitement all drive up the activity of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain. These neurotransmitters are associated with energy, elation, focused attention and motivation—central traits of romantic love. So as you do novel things, these chemicals hop into action and may just push you over the threshold to fall in love.
Q: Is there anything you can do to make yourself stop loving someone?Dr. Fisher: Some people, especially women, tend to talk about a failed relationship so much that they re-traumatize themselves. Instead, get rid of your ex’s cards and letters. Don’t call or write. Get some sunshine and exercise, because both can change brain chemistry.
Q: What’s the difference between love and lust?Dr. Fisher: Lust generally dissipates after having sex and returns hours or days later. You can feel it for several people at the same time and not necessarily feel jealous. But when you’re in love, you are very possessive. And romantic feelings don’t dissipate after having sex; in fact, they can intensify.
Q: Does having sex make people fall in love?Dr. Fisher: Having sex can trigger love—probably because after orgasm, there’s a peak in dopamine activity. So watch out if you casually bed down with someone—you might unintentionally fall for them.
Q: Do feelings of love die over time, and is there any way to bring them back?Dr. Fisher: The first intense period of love can last one to three years. After that, these feelings subside. But if two people are compatible, there are many ways to renew a flagging partnership. Novelty can spur romance; sex can trigger it, too. Do some of the things that you used to when you were first dating.

Q: How important a role does chemistry play in love?Dr. Fisher: I believe that when the chemistry of one personality meshes well with the chemistry of another, it will continually combust throughout the relationship—keeping both partners together and happy during dry spells when feelings of romance are low.
Q: How do men and women experience love differently?Dr. Fisher: Men fall in love faster than women do. Women take longer because they have to create a “memory trail” of their mate’s behaviors. She has to remember what he promised, what he’s done for the partnership, and what he failed to do.
Q: What do men look for in a mate?Dr. Fisher: Men are more likely to choose women who display signs of youth and beauty—the first time that they marry, men around the world tend to marry women who are three years younger than themselves. Men are also attracted to women who “need” them. Men want to be helpful.
Q: What do women look for in a mate?Dr. Fisher: Women are attracted to partners with money, status, and ambition—one study found that American women seek partners who offered financial security twice as frequently as men do. If men look for “sex objects,” then women look for “success objects.”
Q: Can someone truly love more than one person?Dr. Fisher: No. I think you can feel lust for more than one person, and feelings of attachment for more than one person. But not love. As the Indian aphorism goes, “The lane of love is narrow; there is room for only one.”

Q: What’s the biggest mistake people make when it comes to love?Dr. Fisher: Some people fall in love before they really know their partner and marry in this state of romantic rapture. They should probably wait until that intense early phase wears off so they can see the flaws in the relationship before they dive in for good.
Q: Having reviewed so much scientific data on love,what would be the most important thing we’ve learned? Dr. Fisher: To me, the most important thing that scientists have learned is that romantic love was not invented by the troubadours in 11th century France. We have now found love poetry from the ancient Sumerians written some 4,000 years ago, as well as evidence of romantic love in over 150 societies. It’s given me a deep sense of connection to people everywhere: We’re all alike in some basic and beautiful ways.

REFERENCE:
Love, Explained

Secrets of Great Conversation

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 08:10:32 PST

Making successful small talk with someone you've just met isn't rocket science, but it does demand more effort than tossing out a tired opening line. The added pressure of a social situation — a date, a party, an encounter at a singles club — may tie your tongue into knots. The best thing is to ignore what's going on around you and concentrate on the person at hand. If you show that you are interested, you'll be surprised how quickly people open up.

To get the ball rolling, here are five practical principles for starting a conversation when you don't know what to say.

Flattery will get you everywhere.Make with the compliments to begin on a positive note. People are inclined to think well of you if you indicate you think well of them. The trick is picking out what to compliment without including some kind of sexual connotation.

Props. Women work hard choosing their accessories, and anyone who notices wins points. "Those shoes are sensational. Are they comfortable?"Check out a guy's tie, glasses and watch. Look at his feet. I have a mild-mannered cousin who indulges himself by choosing socks with wild patterns. Always carry a book or newspaper. Then, if your new acquaintance doesn't have anything obvious to remark on, you have, "Have you read this?"

Redirection. People love to share their enthusiasm for their hobbies. If you meet someone jogging, see if you can spark some shoptalk. And vice versa. If you're at work, ask them what they like to do to relax. Try to discover what is not obvious—the mind in the sexy blonde, the animal in the geek.

Ask more than yes/no questions. A question demands a response, which is the essence of conversational give-and-take. But a yes/no query can bog you down in monosyllables. Think like a reporter: Ask who, what, when, where and why. Instead of, "Did you see the latest Bruce Willis movie?" try, "What did you think of it?"

Listen, really listen, to the other person. Shy people who have trouble making conversation are so anxious about what they are going to say next that they don't listen to what the other person says. Every answer to your intriguing questions opens up new conversational avenues to explore. Follow up on those leads. As an added bonus, the more you concentrate on the other person, the less your palms will sweat, the fewer words for you to stumble over. And your new acquaintance is bound to be charmed by your astute appreciation of his or her own sterling qualities.

REFERENCE:

Secrets of Great Conversation

The Secret Lives of Happy Couples

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 08:10:07 PST

We all know a couple like this: After years together they still hold hands, make each other laugh and blush, get along famously, and seem to enjoy a dynamite groove the rest of us envy. But what really goes on behind the scenes? Have these two soulmates actually found their perfect match in this big wide world, or are there secrets and strategies to making sure that romantic spirit continues to flourish over time?

In order to maintain the magic and sustain the spark, happy couples know they must:

Start solid. Remember that best friend you had when you were a kid? Whether blissfully playing side-by-side in the sandbox or building an awesome fort together, you two just grooved on being in each other's presence. Happy couples share that same serendipitous groove, if in the all-grown-up world. Romantic chemistry aside, they genuinely like each other as people and truly enjoy walking down the path of life hand-in-hand.

Keep it fresh. Routines and traditions can give a couple a comforting sense of predictability that's both grounding and reassuring. But surprises and adventures are also essential to really keeping that spark alive. Happy couples make a habit of shaking things up a bit by planning weekend getaways to undiscovered destinations, saving their pennies for a dream vacation, or launching fun and ambitious projects together. Having exciting things on the calendar to look forward to and sharing new adventures together reaffirms their connectedness and refuels the romance.

Clear the air. It's perfectly natural for any couple to encounter frustrations, disappointments, and miscommunications from time to time. But if grievances go unaired, they can pile up to a mountain of resentment and put the relationship at risk. Happy couples make sure they keep the communication open, and navigate those inevitable rough spots with honesty and mutual respect. If any issues should arise that seem too big or too complex to resolve between the two of them, they'll schedule some sessions with a couples therapist to help them safely weather the storm.

Have a life. A healthy relationship consists of two individuals who each maintain a strong sense of themselves and take a genuine interest in the other. One may decide to go back to school to pursue a higher degree, while the other may get involved in a volunteer project or a photography workshop. Maintaining individual identities and pursuing individual interests ensures that there'll always be new things to share and to learn about each other.

Tune it up. Whether it be once a month or once a year, a regularly scheduled sit-down can allow for some essential upkeep and maintenance of a healthy relationship. Happy couples may agree to a periodic summit meeting to check in with one another about the overall well-being of their partnership. They may discuss what they've been appreciating about one another, what dynamics could use some tweaking, and what is on the horizon for their future as a couple. A little preventative TLC from time to time helps keep those relationship engines running smoothly.

REFERENCE:
The Secret Lives of Happy Couples

Crucial Characteristics of Lasting Love

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 08:12:25 PST

First comes that split second of physical attraction. Next that thrilling feeling of chemistry. But when the veil of romance starts to lift, what's life really like off the dance floor?

Too often, love is blind.
When Jenny and Michael met, they were instantly attracted to each other. Those electrifying sparks started flying. In an exciting whirlwind of parties and romantic dates, they swept each other off their feet. They decided to get married and live happily ever after. Years later the hormones had calmed down (and so had the fireworks). When the smoke cleared, the mismatches started to emerge. Her passion to shop and his questionable money decisions created constant financial stress. He liked to hang with the guys at the bar. She loved to go to the theater with friends. They disagreed on children and family values, especially religion. Communication broke down. Eventually, they grew apart.

Sound familiar? A physical and chemical match is essential at the start, but the excitement of a budding new romance eventually wears off. Making thoughtful dating decisions can mean the difference between revolving relationships and finding lasting love.

Dating experts outline seven match areas to consider:

Physical appearance
While physical appearance and attraction draw two people together at first, these aspects will affect the rest of their lives. If working out and staying fit is important to you, will it bum you out if your mate doesn't share your quest for rock hard abs?

Emotional maturity
Is this person emotionally mature and centered or are they still lugging around some trunk-sized baggage? How does your sweetheart relate to family and friends? Is he or she emotionally supportive or have control issues? Is your mate aware of his or her own issues and interested in addressing them?

Lifestyle choices
This includes career and social lives, common interests, leisure time activities and energy levels. Would she rather join the bowling league or the metropolitan symphony? Does he have lots of energy for activities with friends while she'd rather rest and chill out at home?

Financial style
This is a hot bed for most couples. It includes income levels, financial goals and views on handling money. How do you each want to spend, save and invest? Is one person a spender while the other saves? Is one person financially responsible while the other plays catch-up with child support and bills?

Value structure
This match area is often overlooked but has a tremendous impact on your life. It includes the big values: Honesty, integrity, loyalty, views on family and children, religion and spirituality, life goals and the treatment and care for others. Does your mate follow through on her word? Would you say he's trustworthy? Will she always be there for you in a pinch?

Marriage and sex
Everyone does not share the same idea of marriage. The big questions to address are: What do you and your mate expect from marriage and sex? Is he or she looking for a soul mate? Do you both want close intimacy in friendship, communication and sex?

Intelligence
Having similar education levels increases your chances of sharing matching school and social experiences, intellectual interests and career goals. What topics do you and your honey like to talk about? Conversation limited to sports or shopping may get boring to someone who likes to ponder philosophy and bluster about business.
While you don't have to match exactly in each area, look at the big picture and make sure you match closely enough in the important areas of your life.

REFERENCE:
Crucial Characteristics of Lasting Love

What is erectile dysfunction?

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 08:12:50 PST

Erectile dysfunction is the repeated inability to get or keep an erection firm enough for sexual intercourse. Due to the sensitive nature of the condition, it is difficult to estimate how many men it affects. However, recent studies show 22% of 40-year-old men and up to 49% of 70-year-old men may have the condition.

Causes and risk factors
The most common cause of erectile dysfunction is damage to the tissues, either the nerves, arteries, muscles or fibrous tissue. This is often linked either to disease. Conditions such as diabetes, kidney disease, chronic alcoholism, multiple sclerosis and cardiovascular disease account for around 70% of cases of erectile dysfunction.

In some cases the condition is caused by damage to the nerves and arteries near the penis which can occur during surgery, particularly for prostate and bladder cancer. Physical injury to the penis, spinal cord, prostate, bladder or pelvis can also be a factor. Erectile dysfunction is also a side effect of some common medications, including blood pressure drugs, antihistamines, antidepressants and tranquilizers.

Experts believe that psychological factors such as stress, anxiety, guilt, depression, low self-esteem, and fear of sexual failure cause up to 20% of cases. Smoking, which affects blood flow, has also been linked to the condition.

Symptoms
The penis contains two chambers full of spongy tissue called the corpora cavernosa. When a man becomes sexually aroused impulses from the brain and local nerves cause muscles in the corpora cavernosa to relax, allowing blood to flow in and fill the spaces within the tissue. This creates pressure in the corpora cavernosa, making the penis expand. A membrane called the tunica albuginea helps trap the blood in the corpora cavernosa, thereby sustaining erection.

The erection is lost when the muscles contract to stop blood flowing into the penis, and open outflow channels. A successful, sustained erection requires a sequence of events to occur in a precise fashion. Anything which disrupts this sequence can lead to problems either getting, or keeping an erection.

Treatment and prevention
There are a range of ways to treat erectile dysfunction. Doctors will consider sexual counselling for patients who are likely to benefit, but alternatives include drugs, vacuum devices, and surgery.

Drug Therapy

One drug in particular, sildenafil (‘Viagra’), has become an international phenomenon since its launch in the late 1990s. The drug does not directly give a man an erection but it works by boosting the natural mechanism that leads to an erection. When a man is sexually aroused, certain tissues in his penis relax, as mentioned above. Viagra helps by elevating the levels of the chemical that causes the tissues to relax. These effects were discovered accidentally. The drug was originally developed to improve blood supply to the heart in angina sufferers.

In a small number of cases, people who have taken sildenafil have complained of headaches, flushing and stomach-ache. It can also cause some visual problems, including an increased sensitivity to light, blurred vision or an inability to tell the difference between blue and green. Men who are already taking medicines that contain nitrates, such as nitro-glycerine, are strongly advised not to use Viagra as this is dangerous and may result in a heart attack.

Other similar drugs are tadalafil (‘Cialis’)and vardenafil (‘Levitra’).

Penile injections: The injection of drugs such as alprostadil directly into the tissues of the penis to trigger an erection was more common before the advent of new drugs such as sildenafil. The drugs relax muscles and increase blood flow to create an erection. They are also available as pellets to insert in to the urethra (the opening at the tip of the penis).

Vacuum Devices: These work by creating a partial vacuum around the penis, which draws blood into the organ. The devices have three components: a plastic cylinder, into which the penis is placed; a pump, which draws air out of the cylinder; and an elastic band, which is placed around the base of the penis to maintain the erection after the cylinder is removed and during intercourse.

Surgery: There are different types of surgery. Implanted devices, known as prostheses, can restore erection in many men. These can come in different forms. For instance, paired rods can be inserted into the corpora cavernosa to enable the user to manually adjust the position of the penis. Alternatively, inflatable cylinders can be inserted inside the penis and expanded using pressurized fluid. In some cases doctors may attempt to repair blockages in damaged arteries. However, this usually only works if the blockages are not widespread.

What is female sexual dysfunction?

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 14:06:42 PDT

Inadequate sexual function in women is a complex problem that can have many different causes. It is estimated that up to 40% of women have suffered from sexual problems in the last year. This might be caused by physical illness, but is often linked to psychological factors.
The female equivalent of impotence is known as Female Sexual Arousal Disorder (FSAD). When men and women become sexually aroused, their genitals become engorged with blood. In women this normally results in:

.Enlargement of the clitoris and surrounding tissues (comparable to a male erection)

.Secretion of vaginal lubrication

.Relaxation and widening of the vaginal opening to permit intercourse.

FSAD patients have the desire to have sex but their genital area fails to respond in the normal way, making sex painful or impossible.

Causes and risk factors
FSAD can result from an underlying medical condition, such as high blood pressure or diabetes. It can also be caused by irritations, infections and growths in the vaginal area, or reactions to contraceptive devices. Medications used to treat high blood pressure, peptic ulcers, depression or anxiety and cancer may also cause problems.
Another factor is the physical, hormonal and emotional changes that occur during or after pregnancy or while breast feeding, or, very importantly, during and after the menopause. FSAD is also often linked to psychological causes. These can include:

.Inadequate or ineffective foreplay
.Depression
.Poor self-esteem
.Sexual abuse or incest
.Feelings of shame or guilt about sex
.Fear of pregnancy
.Stress and fatigue

Symptoms
The symptoms of sexual dysfunction can include lack of sexual desire, an inability to enjoy sex, insufficient vaginal lubrication, or, even if sexually aroused, a failure to achieve an orgasm. Women who suffer from Female Orgasmic Disorder (FOD) are unable to achieve orgasm despite being sufficiently aroused to have sex.

Women differ from men in that orgasm is a learned, not automatic, response. About five to ten percent of women never have an orgasm through any type of sexual activity - a condition called anorgasmia. Anorgasmia is most often the result of sexual inexperience, performance anxiety, or past experiences, such as sexual trauma or a strict upbringing, that have led to an inhibition of sexual response.

Some women are able to enjoy sexual activity in spite of reaching orgasm only some or even none of the time. FOD is a problem only if it has a negative effect on the satisfaction of a woman or her partner.

Treatment and prevention
On-going research has suggested the anti-impotence drug for men, ‘Viagra’, may help to treat sexual disorders in women by increasing blood flow to the sexual organs and thereby increasing physical stimulation in the area. However, the scientific community is still waiting for firm evidence to be published that the drug that the drug can work on women. A small study published recently found no positive impact on postmenopausal women.

Testosterone has been looked at as a treatment also but again, results have not been as positive as hoped. For the moment, doctors concentrate, where possible, on eliminating medications that might have a negative effect on sexual performance. They also review contraceptive methods to ascertain whether this is a factor.

Women who suffer from vaginal dryness may also be recommended to use lubricants during intercourse. Some doctors recommend that women use Kegel exercises, which help to develop the muscles around the outer portion of the vagina that are involved in pleasurable sensations. Psychological counselling can also play an important part in treating women with sexual problems, as can coaching in sexual foreplay and stimulation techniques.

Sex/Sexual Health - Enjoying Sex

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 13:10:57 PDT

Is sex better when you're in love?
Some people prefer sex as part of a long-term relationship while others find familiarity a real passion killer. Psychosexual therapist Paula Hall takes a closer look at casual and committed sex.

Casual sex
The term 'casual sex' implies there's no commitment to the other person. Although this doesn't necessarily mean there's no sense of responsibility or care, in a casual encounter you're more likely to focus on the here and now. You can enjoy the moment without much thought about what your partner thinks of you or what you think of them. Without the emotional complications of a relationship, you're free to concentrate on physical satisfaction.

Sex with a stranger - for many people, unfamiliarity is the key to casual sex. They find the mystery exciting and, if there's no chance of meeting again, inhibitions can be cast aside. It offers the chance take on a new identity and act out a secret fantasy with little fear of rejection.

Element of risk - danger is generally part of casual sex. There's a sense of being naughty, of tasting the forbidden fruit. Some people deliberately add to their sexual encounters by choosing public places or partners they feel should be off-limits.

Why casual sex can be attractive
Psychological reasons - some people pick up messages during childhood that casual sex is wrong (and therefore more exciting). Others have been left with a fear of intimacy by their experiences.

Physical reasons - when we take risks and feel fear, the sympathetic nervous system is stimulated. Breathing becomes faster, blood pressure rises and adrenalin is released. Our body enters a state of high alert. If you add sexual messages at this point, the body will respond faster.

Sex when you're in love
Italian scientists have discovered that the biochemical state of falling in love is similar to obsessive compulsive disorder. The yearning of couples to be together and learn about each other in intimate detail is overwhelming. They grab every opportunity to show affection and get as close as possible to one another.

During this period sex can be very exciting. There's still some of the mystery of casual sex and also some risk. The difference is that sex is more mutual when we've fallen in love. It's about giving and sharing ourselves physically and emotionally. As well as sexual satisfaction, we can expect to feel emotional fulfilment. Sex becomes the ultimate act of intimacy.

Sex in a long-term relationship
Those Italian scientists say the brain returns to normal after six to 18 months. It seems it's not physically possible to stay in that manic state of obsession with a partner for much longer than that. It's then that we either fall out of love or the relationship matures.

When a relationship matures, sex matures. You now have the advantage of knowing each other well. Fear of rejection is replaced with trust and security. This allows you to move into a stage of experimentation and mutual growth. You can take the time to fine-tune your skills as a lover.

So is sex better when you're in love?
Sex can be exciting whether or not you're in love, and at any stage of a relationship. I believe sex in a loving relationship offers an opportunity to grow together and become great lovers. It may not be possible to recapture the mystery of casual sex but there's a much higher chance of all-round fulfilment.

From casual sex to long-term love

Casual sex : risk, mystery, urgency and focus on physical satisfaction.
Early love : mutual feelings, yearning, giving, affection and focus on physical satisfaction and emotional fulfilment.
Long-term relationship : knowledge, trust, skill, experimentation and focus on deepening physical and emotional satisfaction.

Human sexual behavior

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 12:29:24 PDT

This article is about sexual practices (i.e., physical sex).

Human sexual behavior or human sexual practices or human sexual activities refers to the manner in which humans experience and express their sexuality. It encompasses a wide range of activities, such as strategies to find or attract partners (mating and display behavior), interactions between individuals, physical or emotional intimacy, and sexual contact.

The term sexual activity can refer both to acts involving two or more people - as in sexual intercourse or oral sex- and to masturbation.

In some cultures sexual activity is considered acceptable only within marriage, although extramarital sex still takes place within such cultures. Some sexual activities are illegal either universally or in some countries, and some are considered against the norms of a society. For example, sexual activity with a minor is a criminal offense in many jurisdictions, as is sexual abuse of individuals in general.

Aspects of human sexual behavior

Sexual pleasure

Sexual pleasure is the pleasure a person derives from any kind of sexual activity, most commonly through orgasm. The most common pleasurable sexual activities are masturbation and sexual intercourse (including foreplay). Some people derive sexual pleasure from fetishism and/or BDSM.

Cultural aspects

As with other behaviors, human intelligence and complex societies have produced among the most complicated sexual behaviors of any animal. Most people experiment with a range of sexual activities during their lives, though they tend to engage in only a few of these regularly. Most people enjoy some sexual activities. However, most societies have defined some sexual activities as inappropriate (wrong person, wrong activity, wrong place, etc.) Some people enjoy many different sexual activities, while others avoid sexual activities altogether for religious or other reasons (see chastity, sexual abstinence). Some societies and religions view sex as appropriate only within marriage.

Social norms and rules

Human sexual behavior, like many other kinds of activity engaged in by human beings, is generally governed by social rules that are culturally specific and vary widely. These social rules are referred to as sexual morality (what can and can not be done by society's rules) and sexual norms (what is and is not expected). In the United States, attitudes towards premarital sex and the use of contraceptives correlate to religious beliefs and political affiliation.

Sexual ethics, morals, and norms relate to issues including deception/honesty, legality, fidelity and consent. Some activities, known as sex crimes in some locations, are illegal in some jurisdictions, including those conducted between (or among) consenting and competent adults (examples include sodomy law and adult-adult incest).

Some people who are in a relationship but want to hide homosexual or heterosexual activity from their partner, may solicit consensual sexual activity with others through personal contacts, online chat rooms, or, advertising in select media.

Some people engage in various sexual activities as a business transaction. When this involves having sex with, or performing certain actual sexual acts for another person in exchange for money or something of value, it is called prostitution. Other aspects of the adult industry include (for example) telephone sex operators, strip clubs, pornography and the like.

Nearly all developed societies consider it a serious crime to force someone to engage in sexual behavior or to engage in sexual behavior with someone who does not consent. This is called sexual assault, and if sexual penetration occurs it is called rape, the most serious kind of sexual assault. The details of this distinction may vary among different legal jurisdictions. Also, precisely what constitutes effective consent to have sex varies from culture to culture and is frequently debated. Laws regulating the minimum age at which a person can consent to have sex (age of consent) are frequently the subject of political and moral debate, as is adolescent sexual behavior in general. Additionally, many societies have forced marriage, so consent does not really figure in to the equation of a sex crime.

Frequency of sexual activity

The frequency of sexual intercourse might range from zero (sexual abstinence) to 15 or 20 times a week. In America, the average frequency of sexual intercourse for married couples is 2 to 3 times a week.[5] It is generally recognized that postmenopausal women experience declines in frequency of sexual intercourse and that average frequency of intercourse declines with age. According to the Kinsey Institute, average frequency of sexual intercourse in USA is 112 times per year (age 18-29), 86 times per year (age 30-39), and 69 times per year (age 40-49).

Sympathy sex

Sympathy sex (also called pity sex) is sexual intercourse provided based solely on feelings of sympathy or pity that at least one partner feels for the other. 26% of men and 36% of women have had "pity sex" with someone they felt sorry for.

Safety and ancillary issues

There are three main areas of physical risk in sexual activity:

1. sexually transmitted disease
2. unwanted pregnancy
3. injury or death during BDSM without precautions or with a careless partner

These risks are increased by any condition (temporary or permanent) which impairs one's judgment, such as excess alcohol or other drugs, or emotional states such as loneliness, depression or euphoria. Careful consideration can greatly reduce all of these issues.

Sexual behaviors that involve contact with the bodily fluids of another person entail risk of transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Safe sex practices try to avoid this. These techniques are often seen as less necessary for those in committed relationships with persons known to be free of disease; see fluid bonding.

Due to health concerns arising from HIV/AIDS, chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, HPV and other sexually transmitted infections, some people require potential sex partners to be tested for STDs before engaging in sex.

Sexual behaviors that involve the contact of semen with the vagina or vulva may result in pregnancy. To prevent pregnancy, many people employ a variety of birth control measures. The most popular methods of prevention are condoms, spermicides, hormonal contraception, and sterilization.

Legal issues related to sexual behavior

Same sex laws

Various forms of same-sex sexual activity have been prohibited under law in many areas at different times in history. In 2003, the Lawrence v. Texas United States Supreme Court decision overturned all such laws in the US.

Usually, though not always, such laws are termed sodomy laws, but also include issues such as age of consent laws, decency laws, and so forth. Laws prohibiting same-sex sexuality have varied widely throughout history, varying by culture, religious and social taboos and customs, etc. Often such laws are targeted or applied differently based on sex as well. For example, laws against same-sex sexual behavior in the United Kingdom during the reign of Queen Victoria, sodomy or "buggery" laws were aimed specifically at male same-sex sexual activity and did not target or even address female homosexuality.

Child sexuality

Children are naturally curious about their bodies and sexual functions — they wonder where babies come from, they notice anatomical differences between males and females, and many engage in genital play (often mistaken for masturbation). Child sex play includes exhibiting or inspecting the genitals. Many children take part in some sex play, typically with siblings or friends. In the past, children were often assumed to be sexually "pure", having no sexuality until later development. Sigmund Freud was one of the first researchers to take child sexuality seriously. While his ideas, such as psychosexual development and the Oedipus conflict, have been rejected or labeled obsolete, acknowledging the existence of child sexuality was a milestone. Alfred Kinsey also examined child sexuality in his Kinsey Reports. Sex play with others usually decreases as children go through their elementary school years, yet they still may possess romantic interest in their peers. Curiosity levels remain high during these years, but it is not until adolescence that the main surge in sexual interest occurs.

Child sexual abuse is a form of child abuse in which a child is abused for the sexual gratification of an adult or older adolescent. In addition to direct sexual contact, child sexual abuse also occurs when an adult indecently exposes their genitalia to a child, asks or pressures a child to engage in sexual activities, displays pornography to a child, or uses a child to produce child pornography.

Effects of child sexual abuse include depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, propensity to re-victimization in adulthood, and physical injury to the child, among other problems. Sexual abuse by a family member is a form of incest, and can result in more serious and long-term psychological trauma, especially in the case of parental incest.

Approximately 15% to 25% of women and 5% to 15% of men were sexually abused when they were children. Most sexual abuse offenders are acquainted with their victims; approximately 30% are relatives of the child, most often fathers, uncles or cousins; around 60% are other acquaintances such as friends of the family, babysitters, or neighbors; strangers are the offenders in approximately 10% of child sexual abuse cases. Most child sexual abuse is committed by men; women commit approximately 14% of offenses reported against boys and 6% of offenses reported against girls. Most offenders who abuse pre-pubescent children are pedophiles, however a small percentage do not meet the diagnostic criteria for pedophilia.

Sexuality in late adulthood

Changes in sexual behavior occur with age and while humans in late adulthood may be impaired by infirmity, relationship needs such as closeness and sensuality remain. Aging produces changes in sexual performance. Men are more likely to experience these changes than women. For men, orgasms become less frequent and usually need more direct stimulation to produce an erection. One out of four men, ages 65 to 80, had severe problems getting or keeping erections and this percentage increased with men over 80 years of age. Yet, the use of drugs to treat erectile dysfunction increases the expectations of older adults to have sex. Despite medical complications and opinions that people in late adulthood should be asexual, many older adults continue to engage in sexual intercourse. The results of a recent interview study involving 3,000 adults 57 to 85 years of age have shown that health plays a role in the level of older adults' sexual activity. The percentage of sexually active older adults is higher for those that are in good health than those in poor health. Older women may be less sexually active due to outliving their partners or men's tendency to marry younger women. While older adults engage in sexual activity, intimacy and companionship tend to be more important than sex.

Human sexuality

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 12:10:58 PDT

This article is about human sexual perceptions.

Human sexuality is how people experience the erotic and express themselves as sexual beings. Human sexuality has many aspects. Biologically, sexuality refers to the reproductive mechanism as well as the basic biological drive that exists in all species and can encompass sexual intercourse and sexual contact in all its forms. There are also emotional or physical aspect of sexuality, which refers to the bond that exists between individuals, which may be expressed through profound feelings or emotions, and which may be manifested in physical or medical concerns about the physiological or even psychological aspects of sexual behaviour. Sociologically, it can cover the cultural, political, and legal aspects; and philosophically, it can span the moral, ethical, theological, spiritual or religious aspects.

Recent studies on human sexuality have highlighted that sexual aspects are of major importance in building up personal identity and to social evolution of individuals:

“Human sexuality is not simply imposed by instinct or stereotypical conducts, as it happens in animals, but it is influenced both by superior mental activity and by social, cultural, educational and normative characteristics of those places where the subjects grow up and their personality develops. Consequently, the analysis of sexual sphere must be based on the convergence of several lines of development such as affectivity, emotions and relations”.
In many historical eras, recovered art and artifacts help to portray human sexuality of the time period.

Biology and physiology

The biological aspects of human sexuality deal with human reproduction and the physical means with which to carry it out. They also deal with the influence of biological factors on other aspects of sexuality, such as organic and neurological responses, heredity, hormonal issues, gender issues and sexual dysfunction.

Sociocultural aspects

Human sexuality can also be understood as part of the social life of humans, governed by implied rules of behavior and the status quo. This focus narrows the view to groups within a society. The sociocultural aspect examines influences on and from social norms, including media such as politics and the mass media. These sorts of media can help to bring about massive changes in the social norm — examples include the sexual revolution and the rise of feminism.

The link between constructed sex meanings and racial ideologies has been studied. Sexual meanings are constructed to maintain racial-ethnic-national boundaries, by denigration of "others" and regulation of sexual behavior within the group. "Both adherence to and deviation from such approved behaviors, define and reinforce racial, ethnic, and nationalist regimes."

At what age and the manner in which children are informed of issues of sexuality is a matter of sex education. Almost all western countries have some form of sex education within an educational environment, but the nature of the issues covered varies widely. In some countries (such as Australia and much of Europe) "age-appropriate" sex education often begins in pre-school, whereas other countries leave sex education to the pre-teenage and teenage years. Sex education covers a range of topics, including the physical, mental, and social aspects of sexual behavior.

Psychological aspects

Sexuality in humans generates profound emotional and psychological responses. Some theorists identify sexuality as the central source of human personality.

Psychological studies of sexuality focus on psychological influences that affect sexual behavior and experiences. Early psychological analyses were carried out by Sigmund Freud, who believed in a psychoanalytic approach. He also conjectured the concepts of erogenous zones, psychosexual development, and the Oedipus complex, among others.

Behavior theorists such as John B. Watson and B. F. Skinner examine the actions and consequences and their ramifications. These theorists would, for example, study a child who is punished for sexual exploration and see if they grow up to associate negative feelings with sex in general. Social-learning theorists use similar concepts, but focus on cognitive activity and modeling.

Gender identity is a person's own sense of identification as female, male, both, neither, or somewhere in between. The social construction of gender has been discussed by a wide variety of scholars, Judith Butler notable among them. Recent contributions consider the influence of feminist theory and courtship research.

Sexual behavior

Human sexual behavior encompasses the search for a partner or partners, interactions between individuals, physical, emotional intimacy, and sexual contact. Some cultures discriminate against sexual contact outside of marriage; however, extramarital sexual activity is pervasive. Unprotected sex may result unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. In most areas, sexual abuse of individuals is prohibited by law and considered against the norms of society.

Sexual activity and lifestyles

Heterosexuality

Heterosexuality involves individuals of opposite sexes.

Different-sex sexual practices are limited by laws in many places. In some countries, mostly those where religion has a strong influence on social policy, marriage laws serve the purpose of encouraging people to only have sex within marriage. Sodomy laws were seen as discouraging same-sex sexual practices, but may affect opposite-sex sexual practices. Laws also ban adults from committing sexual abuse, committing sexual acts with anyone under an age of consent, performing sexual activities in public, and engaging in sexual activities for money (prostitution). Though these laws cover both same-sex and opposite-sex sexual activities, they may differ with regards to punishment, and may be more frequently (or exclusively) enforced on those who engage in same-sex sexual activities.

Courtship, or dating, is the process through which some people choose potential sexual partners. Among heterosexual adolescents in the mid-20th century in America, dating was something one could do with multiple people before choosing to enter a committed relationship.

Different-sex sexual practices may be monogamous, serially monogamous, or polyamorous, and, depending on the definition of sexual practice, abstinent or autoerotic (including masturbation).

Different religious and political movements have tried to influence or control changes in sexual practices including courting and marriage, though in most countries changes occur at a slow rate.

Homosexuality

Same-sex sexuality involves individuals of the same sex. It is possible for a person whose sexual identity is mainly heterosexual to engage in sexual acts with people of the same sex. For example, mutual masturbation in the context of what may be considered normal heterosexual teen development. Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people who pretend to be heterosexual are often referred to as being closeted, hiding their sexuality in "the closet". "Closet case" is a derogatory term used to refer to people who hide their sexuality. Making that orientation (semi-) public can be called "coming out" in the case of voluntary disclosure or "outing" in the case of disclosure by others against the subject's wishes. Among some communities (called "men on the DL" or "down-low"), same-sex sexual behavior is sometimes viewed as solely for physical pleasure. Men on the "down-low" may engage in sex acts with other men while continuing sexual and romantic relationships with women.

The definition of homosexuality is a preference to members of one's own sex, though people who engage exclusively in same-sex sexual practices may not identify themselves as bisexual, gay or lesbian. In sex-segregated environments, individuals may seek relationships with others of their own gender (known as situational homosexuality). In other cases, some people may experiment or explore their sexuality with same (and/or different) sex sexual activity before defining their sexual identity. Despite stereotypes and common misconceptions, there are no forms of sexual activity exclusive to same-sex sexual behavior that can not also be found in opposite-sex sexual behavior, save those involving contact of the same sex genitalia such as tribadism and frot.

Auto-erotic sexuality

Autoeroticism is sexual activity that does not involve another person as partner. It can involve masturbation, though several paraphilias require a partner.

Though many autoerotic practices are relatively physically safe, some can be dangerous. These include autoerotic asphyxiation and self-bondage. The potential for injury or even death that exists while engaging in the partnered versions of these fetishes (choking and bondage, respectively) becomes drastically increased due to the isolation and lack of assistance in the event of a problem.

Coercive and abusive sexuality

Sexual activity can also encompass sexual abuse — that is, coercive or abusive use of sexuality. Examples include: rape, lust murder, child sexual abuse, and zoosadism (animal abuse which may be sexual in nature), as well as (in many countries) certain non-consensual paraphilias such as frotteurism, telephone scatophilia (indecent phonecalls), and non-consensual exhibitionism and voyeurism (known as "indecent exposure" and "peeping tom" respectively).

Sexual pleasure

Sexual pleasure is pleasure derived from any kind of sexual activity. Though orgasm is generally known, sexual pleasure includes erotic pleasure during foreplay, and pleasure due to fetish or BDSM.

Study of sexuality

In contemporary academia, sexuality is studied in the fields of sexology and gender and sexuality studies, among many other fields.

Foucault

Michel Foucault wrote in The History of Sexuality, Vol. 1: An Introduction
, the concept of what activities and sensations are "sexual" is historically (as well as regionally and culturally) determined, and it is therefore part of a changing "discourse". The sexual meanings (meanings of the erotic dimension of human sexual experience), are social and cultural constructs, they are made subjective only after cultural and social mediation. Being the main force conditioning human relationship, sex is essentially political. In any social context, the construction of a "sexual universe" is fundamentally linked to the structures of power. The construction of sexual meanings, is an instrument by which social institutions (religion, marketing, the educational system, psychiatry, etc.) control and shape human relationships.

According to Foucault, sexuality began to be regarded as a concept part of human nature since the 19th century; so sexuality began to be used as a mean to define normality and its boundaries, and to conceive everything outside those boundaries in the realm of psychopathology. In the 20th century, with the theories of Sigmund Freud and of sexology, the "not-normal" was seen more as a "discontent of civilization" In a well known passage of his work, Foucault noted that the development of the notion of sexuality organized sex as a "fictitious unity" of "disparate parts, functions, behaviours, and feelings with no natural or necessary relation among them"; therefore the conception of what is "natural" is a social construct. To escape this cultural "sexuality" Foucault suggest to focus on "bodies and pleasures".

Women's sexual health

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 14:14:36 PDT

Women's sexual health

BBC Sex | Relationships | Sexsuality and Sexual Advise

Women: What Men Want to See in Your Profile

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 09:52:15 PST

How do you get to that special guy with all the other women vying for his attention? Fear not! We asked single fellas what they want to see in women's profiles, and here's what they said:

1. Photos
It's no secret that men are visual, so photos are an obvious requirement. And research shows men are 14 times more likely to check out a profile with a photo. But what do they like to see in those photos?

"A smiling face" says Norman, 32, of Winooskie, VT. "But not a fake smile, or one that makes her look like she's on mood elevators. Just a natural, engaging grin."

Dave, 26, likes to see hair. "I can tell a lot from your haircut. If it's really done up, you're probably prissy or high-maintenance. If looks more natural, you're probably laid back and practical. And if it's under a hat, you probably have something to hide!"

Eyes are important, too. "A direct gaze is nicest," says Roland, 45, of Evanston, IL. "I like feeling as though she's looking me in the eye."

"A body shot is nice for an alternate photo," notes Carl, 50, of Novato, CA. "I don't need to see her in a bikini or anything, but a photo that gives me an idea of her physique is helpful."

2. Headlines
Your headline is your online introduction. It's a great opportunity to give him a glimpse of your personality.

"If you're fun-loving, let that show through in your profile. This one got my attention," says Daniel, 43, of LaHabra, CA. "'Rizzzzz Weasels rip my flesh! Is that catchy enough? I was also thinking maybe ... Fuzzy snow bunnies.' It shows her personality and that she likes Frank Zappa."

Bookish? Try something that only the well-read will get, like a quote from Shakespeare or something in Latin. "I'm a big reader, and I like dating women who are literary, too," says Barnie, 38, of Cambridge, MA. "So a quote from a major literary figure or work, or a reference to a book is a great lure."

Men like women who like sports. If you do, you might want to lead with that. "I always click on women with sports analogies in their headlines," says Darnell, 29, of Houston, TX. "Like, 'Looking for a base hit.' or 'In the crease.'"

3. Who you want to meet
Here's the part of your profile where you can really tell him what makes you special.

"I like profiles that give me a glimpse into her essence," says Al, 40, of Binghamton, NY. "Telling me about her ideal day or an epiphany. Things that are unique to her."

Thom, 27, of Portland, OR., agrees, adding, "I want to know her interests—not just what, but why. How did she develop her love of winter sports? Why does she dig mysteries?"

"I don't want to hear about your past," says Dov, 34, of Bradenton, FL. "I want to know what you want in the future. Your goals and dreams. If they're similar to mine, I'll contact you!"

REFERENCE:
Women: What Men Want to See in Your Profile

Expert Flirting Tips

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 10:12:09 PST

Some people are natural flirts, but what if you're not one of those people? We've compiled 10 expert tips on flirting that even the most timid of singles can use.

10. Flirting is an attitude
A good flirt is self-confident and not afraid to take risks. Be enthusiastic and positive — it works!

9. Start a conversation
The best opening line is saying hello. Talk about the surroundings, ask a question, ask for help or state an opinion.

8. Have fun
Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous. Show your vulnerability.

7. Use props
Never leave home without a prop. Props are natural conversation starters. They encourage conversation and others will be compelled to start talking to you. Great props include dogs, kids, unusual jewelry, a fabulous scent, a sweatshirt with your favorite passion, unusual ties, hats, or an interesting book or newspaper.

6. Be the host
Change your behavior from guest to host. You are not a passive person waiting around for romance; instead, you're the welcome committee.

5. Make the first move
Move closer to the person you want to meet. Say hello.

4. Listen
You have two ears and one mouth because you should listen twice as much as you speak. Listening is a true art. Your flirting partner will be drawn to you. Everyone loves to be heard.

3. Eye contact
Please look your partner in the eye gently (no more than a few seconds) and then glance away. Don't stare — it's a turn off.

2. Compliment
Compliment your flirting partner. The best compliments have the element of surprise. The "flirtee" will know that you really noticed them. Remember, your compliments must be honest, sincere and genuine. When you receive a compliment, the best response is a simple "Thank you!"

1. Smile
It's contagious. Smiling makes you so much more approachable. A smile lights up your face and draws people to you. You'll be a people magnet.
REFERENCE:
Expert Flirting Tips

How Much Does Chemistry Count?

noreply@blogger.com (Kiema Inc) — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 10:15:39 PST

Chemistry. What is it? It’s that… well, thing. That “I need to see this person again” impulse. Or that “We click” feeling. But what causes it? Does it need to happen naturally, or can you create it? Does it die over time, or are there tricks to keep the sparks flying? To explore these questions and more, we gathered together a group of real people and experts to delve into this titillating topic. Here’s what they had to say—see if you agree, and glean a few tricks on generating more chemistry in your own dating life.
The Subjects: Joyce Catlett, MA, mental health specialist and author of Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships
David Givens, Ph.D, anthropologist and author of Love Signals
Sean and Alison, 36-year old newlyweds who met on Match.com and are now living in Rancho Cucamonga, CA with their blended family
Michael, 35-year-old single man from Denver, Colorado
Pamela, 29-year-old single woman from Seattle, Washington
Q: So how do you define chemistry?
Alison: Chemistry is like cookie dough and vanilla ice cream: When it works, it works.
Sean: Chemistry is the igniter, the catalyst for the relationship.
Pamela: I think chemistry is an animal attraction between two people that is purely physical. The connection appeals to the five senses: The way someone looks, smells, tastes, the feel of his or her body, the sound of that person's voice. The reaction to one's chemical match is often excused or explained as overwhelming and uncontrollable. It’s the "throw-down factor."
Michael: To me, chemistry is a connection, a bond or common feeling between two people. In my opinion, it starts very early in a friendship/relationship. Positive or negative chemistry is often one of the first feelings two people have about each other. It can be verbal or nonverbal, conscious or unconscious—yes, just like you were hit over the head with it!
Joyce Catlett: If you’re talking about chemistry as something that stimulates love or sexual attraction (or both), brain chemicals are definitely involved. In Why We Love,Dr. Helen Fisher found that levels of the chemical dopamine rise in a person who is infatuated, particularly as the relationship starts to take on more meaning.
David Givens: Chemistry is basically when the pleasure centers of the brain are engaged. The pleasure you get from chocolate, a martini or a rollercoaster is basically the same. The brain doesn’t differentiate. While chemistry isn’t everything, many of courtship's most powerful signals are unheard, untouched, and unseen. Operating chiefly through unconscious channels, these invisible aromas, tastes, steroids, sterols, and hormones strongly shape our feelings about each other.
Q: How do you know you have chemistry with someone? Are there “symptoms”?
Alison: You know you have chemistry when it is easy. And the only goal you have for the day is to get back to that person.
Sean: I knew I had chemistry with Ali when I would spontaneously smile when I was with her or even just thinking about her.
Joyce Catlett: Symptoms? Rapid heartbeat. Shortness of breath. And sensations of excitement that are often similar to sensations associated with danger. As one researcher said, “Adrenaline makes the heart grow fonder.”
David Givens: You can tell when there is chemistry between people because the sympathetic nervous system gets aroused. Blood pressure goes up a little, the skin may flush, the face and ears will turn red and there might be a feeling of weakness in the knees. It’s that combination of basic psychological arousal combined with a feeling of pleasure.
Q: Can you create chemistry with someone you’re not initially feeling it with and, if so, how?
Michael: I think you can build chemistry, but personally, I like chemistry to just hit me. It’s much more fun that way. I enjoy suddenly realizing “Hey, I may be interested in her” and then WHAM! Makes me smile just thinking about it.
Pamela: Nope. It cannot be created. Unfortunately, it's one of the few things in life you can't learn and can't teach. You, as a couple, either have it or you don't.
Alison: Actually, I think chemistry can grow. Some people may be reserved at first, not showing their true selves. Over time, their personalities show and chemistry develops.
David Givens: Yes, I think you can create chemistry. Ordinary courtship goes over a period of weeks and months, and it builds up and adds up and eventually you get this kind of chemical bonding. Eye contact and discussing personal subjects can accelerate this chemical bond.
Joyce Catlett: Sometimes alcohol, which takes away inhibitions, could make it easier to be attracted to someone. But it’s an artificial “high,” only a temporary tension reliever. The chemistry you felt might very well disappear.
Q: Can you tell if you have chemistry with someone online or on the phone, or do you have to meet in person to know?
Ali: I think you can tell whether you have compatibility online. You can’t tell that you have chemistry until you meet the person. I got tingly when I first saw Sean, until then I wasn’t quite sure if I should even be going out on the date.
Sean: Actually, with Ali, I could tell there was a potential for chemistry online. I could tell based on her physical appearance, grammar, and tone in her bio, in emails, and then especially on the phone. However, I could definitely tell there was chemistry, and not just potential, on the first date.
Pamela: Online? Nope. Doesn't stimulate any of the five senses. Phone? Sure. The sound of someone's voice can be an incredible turn-on. Ever notice what suckers we are for people with Australian accents?
Joyce Catlett: I think chemistry would probably be less strong online or on the phone because research has shown that eye-to-eye contact is important in transmitting emotions. The exception would be for a shy person, who has trouble relaxing in social situations. Online contact would be less stressful for this person, and the more relaxed state would allow the chemistry to emerge.
Q: How long does it take to know if you have chemistry with someone? Five minutes? When you kiss? After getting intimate?
Joyce Catlett: It may take only five minutes. Simply spotting an interesting person at a cocktail party from a distance could start the chemistry perking. Many people have also reported that the first kiss was how they knew they were falling in love.
Pamela: If the first kiss isn't fireworks and hot flashes in certain regions of the body, then move on. Intimacy is the ultimate chemistry test. And that feeble excuse of "The first time is always awkward"? Not true!
Michael: Chemistry is the start or end of it all: Good chemistry equals move forward, bad chemistry equals keep looking. I don’t think the first kiss is the magic threshold, nor is the being intimate. In my opinion, you should already have chemistry at that point.
Q: Can you be “just friends” with someone and then get hit with a wave of chemistry that makes the relationship change direction?
Pamela: From experience, yes. It was a friendship for eight years, and now my desire for him is like a virus, forever coming back to haunt me when I least expect it. Keep in mind, as you grow and discover yourself, your "tastes" change. What appealed to you at twenty might not/probably won't appeal to you at thirty.
Joyce Catlett: This often happens to coworkers who have been “just friends” but suddenly find themselves involved in an affair while working on an important project together. This type of interaction has been found to increase feelings of attraction.
David Givens: Yeah, that’s pretty common—where you’re around someone for years and never realized that you have a feeling of attachment for the person, and then something happens. It’s usually an event, or it can simply be that you two have been doing the same thing together for a while, which puts you on the same wavelength.
Q: Are there times it might be prudent to ignore a “chemical” reaction? Like it might be just a “sex thing”?
Michael: For me and most guys I know, the “chemical reaction” should be ignored pretty often. Do you really want to be that guy—the Neanderthal who’s always checking people out and on the prowl? That reaction is there—hey, we’re guys! But you gotta keep your Neanderthal in check.
Joyce Catlett: There are times it might be prudent to ignore it. One has to do with the well-known cliché that opposites attract. People tend to have strong sexual attractions to people who have traits complementary to their own. In addition, both people may feel deficient in the specific trait that they admire in the other person. Later on, however, the very qualities that are so attractive in the initial phases of a romance may come to repel us. The quiet man may increasingly resent the fact that his gregarious wife never lets him get a word in edgewise, while she may start hating him for being so non-communicative.
Pamela: Unfortunately, I'm experiencing this situation right now. I believe his quote was, "We should stay away from each other. We are poison to each other." Ouch! And yes, the sex was the best ever, for us both. He would back that—I'm not being delusional here. Unfortunately, when we aren't making out, we're usually fighting. Some people might call that passion. Others would call it ulcers waiting to happen.
Q: What’s more important to a successful relationship, chemistry or compatibility?
Alison: Chemistry is most important, by far. You can be compatible with a lot of people. Chemistry is the rarer of the two.
Michael: Chemistry is vital, but not as important as compatibility. Chemistry is the connection that you have with someone. Compatibility is a partnership of similar goals. I feel that if two people have chemistry and are not compatible, the relationship won't last very long. If two people are compatible, they can find their chemistry.
Sean: If you don’t have chemistry, you’re just wasting your time. Compatibility cannot overcome a lack of chemistry.
Joyce Catlett: The combination of chemistry and compatibility—a mix of friendship, affection, love and sexual passion—is the ideal that most people are seeking. Obviously, it is also the most challenging to achieve over the long term.
Q: Does chemistry fade with time? Is there any way to bring it back?
David Givens: Usually after one to two years it starts to wane—the actual chemical levels in your body die down. There are ways to keep the thrill alive, though, like going on vacation with your partner to some exotic place or doing some kind of physically thrilling thing together. An increase in adrenaline levels can help people feel closer.
Michael: Chemistry can fade if you don’t pay attention to it. If communication is minimal due to responsibilities such as time-intensive careers, kids, money etc… life’s demands can contribute to couples misplacing their chemistry. But I think you can find it again.
Joyce Catlett: Chemistry doesn’t necessarily have to fade with time. What makes it fade is not familiarity, but the fact that many couples get into routine ways of being together and habitual ways of making love. Also many partners give up their independence and their old friends, and start to act out of obligation. They forget that they are two separate individuals and this detracts from the sexual attraction they initially felt. To remedy this, I think it’s important for couples to reminisce, during times of conflict, to the time when the sparks of passion first began to fly between them. It helps them reconnect to the feelings they enjoyed during the early phases of their relationship.

REFERENCE:
How Much Does Chemistry Count?