So, the key to eliminating self-sabotage is to convince ourselves otherwise. To do this, we need a strong understanding of how we’d managed to convince ourselves that sabotaging our plans is a good idea in the first place.

Understanding Self-Sabotage

The main symptom of self-sabotage is an unplanned focus on some thing or activity outside of ourselves with absolute conviction that this thing or activity is more important than whatever decisions we had consciously made. Unconsciously, we may think it will make us feel good, complete and safe inside like nothing else possibly could. So compelling is this conviction that it leads us to act in ways that go directly against what we believe are our own values and interests. As in active addiction, no matter what decisions we consciously make, and no matter how deeply motivated we are to follow those decisions, this compelling conviction seems to undermine and sabotage every step we take, therefore, compromising our freewill.

When dealing with addiction, we usually define this phenomenon as a “disease” (referred to as alcoholism, OCD, eating disorder, addiction, etc.). It is widely believed that this disease afflicts us like a monster inside our heads, and this monster is unique to addicts and sets us apart from “normal” people.

Personally, I believe that we all have tendencies toward addictive, self-sabotaging behavior and that the line between an addict and a “normal” person is very blurry. Just like the diseases of Type 2 Diabetes or Heart Disease can afflict just about anyone under the right circumstances, I believe the same is true for addiction.

I also believe the reverse is true, just as a Type 2 Diabetic can live a fairly normal life by changing their behavior, the same is true for an addict. And, if that is the case, then it is also true that anyone struggling with any type of self-sabotaging behavior can overcome self-sabotage and be successful at whatever they set out to do.

I disagree with the “self-sabotaging monster” idea. Instead, that “monster” is simply an inner conflict caused by a lack of congruence between what we want and what we think we want (the conviction mentioned above). And, I believe that “monster” can be tamed and befriended through inner communication that brings our entire consciousness back into congruence. It’s a process of correcting the incorrect assumptions: i.e. the object of our obsession is going to bring true happiness. This is what happens when addicts and alcoholics work The 12 Steps of recovery (whether that be via Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, etc.). And, through continued maintenance, we can maintain that congruence and live a “normal” life.

This conflicts with the popular belief that the “monster inside your head” will always be there and will always work to sabotage your life, and that as addicts, we need to constantly defend ourselves from this villain and maintain an identity that separates us from “normal” people. Though I believe that this view is helpful in maintaining motivation to keep up with the maintenance of a program of recovery, especially early in recovery, I believe that it falls short in that it never allows us to be fully at peace with ourselves and let go of the addict behavior completely. Additionally, it allows us to fall back on the “well, I’m an addict” excuse whenever exhibiting any type of self-sabotaging behavior.

If addiction is self-sabotage, then to get a full understanding of self-sabotage is to get a full understanding of addiction. When people talk about self-sabotage at any level, they often refer to it as a villain, the same way the recovering addict refers to their addiction. We might think of it as a part of us that does not want us to succeed or that wants our goals to fail. Here again, this view will limit our ability to fix the problem.

The Misguided Friend In Your Head

If we look closely at that part of us that leads us into self-sabotaging behavior, we’ll see that it is looking out for our best interests, but is doing so in manner that is probably misguided. In the case of the addict, the inner saboteur looks at the the circumstances in life and says, “We are not capable of dealing with this pain and frustration. We need to protect ourselves from it. There’s too much uncertainty. I know just the thing that will keep us safe. It made us feel better in the past.” So it is with any self-sabotaging behavior: i.e. “We are not capable of maintaining this exercise routine. It’s going to drive us crazy and make our life miserable. We don’t know what frightening affect it will have on us. Watching TV is much safer and more enjoyable. Let’s do that instead.”

The problem is that we rarely hear that voice consciously. We just get a gut feeling that it’s easier and more rewarding to get high or watch TV. Not really knowing where that feeling is coming from, we trust it, then later label it a saboteur since it effectively sabotaged our plans. By doing this, we give up our freewill in the same way we might give it away to alcohol or crack.

Disarming this saboteur is as simple as acknowledging it, recognizing it’s feelings and justifications, and re-directing it. Simple as that may be, it is not always easy to do and often requires compromise.

Building A Healthy Relationship With Yourself

Having a congruent mind is a lot like being in a healthy relationship. If both partners have not wholly agreed to a path for the relationship, the relationship simply won’t follow that path. How do you agree on a path? Through communication, compromise and synergy. You can’t ignore your partner’s wishes and expect the relationship to go the way you want it to any more than you can ignore your own contradictory wishes and expect to have any personal success.

Sometimes, the saboteur is justified. For instance, if you are trying to lose wait and stick to a starvation diet, it is inevitable that you will sabotage yourself eventually. Your saboteur is saying, “This is not healthy. We’re starving. We have to eat something that’s high in calories in order to survive.” In this case, you could acknowledge that voice and try to correct it by saying, “No, we’ll be fine eating 800 calories a day.” But, if your goal is not based on honest truth, your subconscious mind will figure it out and redirect your actions.

Other times, the saboteur will have a strong case that you will want to consider. For instance, if you are in college and preparing for final exams, your saboteur might be saying, “This is not healthy. We need to have more balance or we’ll go crazy. Let’s go clubbing tonight.” (Ever wonder why you get urges to let loose at the exact time it would be most detrimental to you?) This might be a good time to consider the side effects of your behavior. For instance, will sleep deprivation prevent your peek performance or lead to sickness? Are you neglecting important relationships in a way that could seriously harm them? Sometimes, we need to compromise with the saboteur in order to bring our thoughts in congruence.

Bottom line: If you are not totally and completely convinced, through and through, that the path you have chosen is the correct path, sabotage will occur.

Discovering The Sabotaging Inner Dialogs

Since we are not always consciously aware of the dialog of self-sabotage within us, the challenge remains – how do we discover it?

We can start by asking honest questions. It’s important to do this when making important decision and also when we notice self-sabotaging behavior. For instance, when we find ourselves sitting in front of the TV when we had planned to exercise, we can ask ourselves, “Why am I doing this?” in a curious, non-judgmental manner. Then, seriously seek the answer.

This is in contrast to the way we might otherwise communicate with ourselves. “Why the heck am I watching TV? This sucks. I can’t believe how lazy I am. I’ll never accomplish my goals.” At this point, you are consciously sabotaging yourself and your saboteur is saying, “Yeah, that’s true. That’s why we might as well just watch TV. Why go through all that trouble just to deal with another disappointment.”

Having a serious and meaningful inner dialog requires that we take time to relax and center ourselves on the present moment. This allows us to clearly hear our inner dialog. This is what happens when we meditate and is one of the reasons that meditation is so tremendously beneficial. When we meditate, we quiet our conscious mind so we can hear and address the subconscious mind which really accounts for most of our mind and dictates our long-term behavior to a much greater extent than our conscious thoughts do. In the future, I will provide a guided audio meditation to help you break the cycle of self-sabotage.

Meditation is not always practical in every circumstance, but we can make a habit of taking moments to breathe and listen to our thoughts. Ask ourselves… Why am I doing this? Do I truly believe that my goals are worth the sacrifices I need to make?

Example Dialog with the addict

The addict: “We are not capable of dealing with this pain and frustration. We need to protect ourselves from it. I know just the thing that will keep us safe.”

The conscience: “It’s true that this pain and frustration are overwhelming and we can’t continue to live with them. Let’s find a way to deal with them that will have a long-lasting, healthy affect. Let’s reach out to someone in our support system, go to a meeting and work the steps.”

The addict: “That could work, but it will take a long time. We need some relief right now so we don’t go crazy.”

The conscience: “We can deal with this for a little while longer, because we know that if we do, we’ll solve the problem permanently and not have to deal with it again and again.”

The addict: “Alright, but just for a little while.”

In this dialog, we bring the addict part of us over to the healthy way of thinking, rather than blowing the addict off as a villain to be avoided. The fact is, there are still some doubts because there is no way to know for certain if the path you have chosen is the right one until the benefits are noticed; whereas the benefits of the drugs are immediate and obvious. As time goes on, we repeat the dialog as we gather more evidence.

The saboteur returns: “Look, we’re dealing with another problem. This always happens. This recovery thing isn’t working. Let’s just get a little buzz tonight so we know for sure.”

The conscience now has evidence to site: “We’ve been through another problem just like this already and look how much better our life is now. Problems still come but they’re isolated now. We can get through this one too.”

The addict: “Fine. Let’s write about it.”

Dialog with the exercise saboteur

The saboteur: “We are not capable of maintaining this exercise routine. It’s going to drive us crazy and make our life miserable. Watching TV is much safer and more enjoyable. Let’s do that instead.”

The conscience: “It is definitely difficult to start and maintain this exercise habit, but the benefits far out way the difficulties. The more we do it, the more capable we will become and the enjoyment we will get from it will be far greater than any TV show.”

The saboteur: “Maybe, but this is too much. At this rate, we’ll never get any rest, and I miss watching TV and eating popcorn.”

The conscience: “Yes. It is sad that we aren’t doing that as much now, and maybe we should bring the routine down a notch. But, we will continue to exercise.”

The saboteur: “I like that idea. Let’s do that. But, I still think we should schedule a day to watch TV and eat popcorn.”

The conscience: “Agreed.”

These examples are simplistic and often the real compromises we face are much more difficult: for instance, deciding to end a relationship, or even choosing two important but conflicting ways to spend our time, energy or money. But it’s important to work through these and make wholehearted decisions about them. Halfhearted decisions will always result in self-sabotage.

FYI: Throughout this article, I have been referring to this contrasting inner voice as a “saboteur.” I hope by now that it’s clear that there really is no saboteur, but rather a misunderstanding between your conscious and subconscious (or perhaps even different factions within your conscious or subconscious). Labeling your alternate intentions as an enemy will do little to help you understand and solve the self-sabotage problem. The solution is to bring them into congruence.

This job was a challenge right from the start, and challenges continued throughout my 7 year career. Despite these challenges, or perhaps because of them, this career was one of the most rewarding endeavors of my life.

It challenged me and my comfort zones time and time again. It taught me lesson after lesson about how to help the unwilling, how to let go, how to maintain professional relationships under difficult circumstances, tolerance, humility, patience,… and the list goes on.

Here are some of the challenges I faced, and the lessons I learned along the way:

Stepping Way Out Of My Comfort Zones

At 19 years old, I was barely older than the “kids” to whom I was charged to not only mentor but supervise. Many of the residents had been friends or acquaintances of mine previously. I had little preparation to make such a significant role change. It felt awkward, and I was uncomfortable much of the time during the first several months.

This was one of the first times in my life I had willfully done anything that made me feel uncomfortable. Prior to this, I was reluctant to make any serious changes in my career or social life. I enjoyed a very safe and predictable life. I was generally outgoing, and my personality exuded confidence – as long as I was in a familiar surrounding. Many of my friends at the time would be surprised when I would tell them I was a shy person. But as soon as I was out of that zone of safety and familiarity, I would clam up. And, that’s exactly what I did when I first started working at the halfway house.

Eventually, this environment became a part of my comfort zone, and consequently, I continued working there until the place closed 4 years later. Within a couple years, I stepped up my responsibilities as the home manager. By that time, I was one of the senior staff members. (youth care has a very high turnover rate. You’ll see why as you read on.)

Today, stepping out of my comfort zones is something I do on a regular basis in order to keep growing and feeling alive. It’s perplexing to me to consider that I was once content with, and even insistent on, maintaining the status quo. I wonder what my life would be like today if I had never gotten past that.

What is amazing about expanding comfort zones and facing fears is that, once you face one fear and continue walking through discomfort, it becomes easier and easier to walk through the next fear. By making this one career change and pushing myself through the uncomfortable role changes it required, I started a revolution in my own life, to which I owe much of my success today.

Setting Boundaries

Once I was able to get through the initial discomfort, I was able to connect with the kids in ways that other staff members had difficulty doing. As the youngest staff member and one of the more experienced, I could develop a strong rapport and level of trust.

Along with this new-found strength came a new set of challenges. In order for me to maintain a consistent and safe environment where the kids could thrive and work through their many life challenges, I had to learn to maintain a professional relationship with them while at the same time establish trust and help them through some very difficult personal challenges.

This was a tremendous challenge, because as I got to know these kids (who were usually only a few years younger than I was), I grew to like them. It was very difficult not to develop friendships and attachments, and I was not always successful in my attempts to stay disconnected. If you have ever worked as a teacher, child care worker, doctor or as any professional helper, you know how heart-wrenching it can be to become attached to a client, and then have to let go of that attachment.

Whenever I would become too attached to one of the residents, and that resident was discharged, left AMA, had a behavior lapsed, etc., it would break my heart. This is one of the reasons youth care work has such a high turnover rate.

So, the challenge was, how do I allow myself to get close enough to genuinely care and establish rapport, but not so close that I lose objectivity, or worse, have my heart repeatedly broken? The answer is not an easy one, but it is simple: practice. It took years of practice for me to find the balance, but I eventually did. Over those years, I frequently swayed from being too attached to being too detached.

This challenge is one we all face whenever we are in a position to help another person, whether it be a friend, family member or a stranger. To be truly helpful to another person, we have to be able to put aside our feelings to look at their situation objectively and protect ourselves from hurt if things don’t turn out the way we hope. At the same time, we want to maintain the strength of our personal relationship with this person and maintain rapport. It’s a difficult balance that requires conscious practice.

Helping The Unwilling

Most of the kids in the group homes where I worked were not there by choice. Many were there by court order as an alternative to corrections. Others were there at the urging of their parents. Very few were there because they actually wanted to change their lives.

Consequently, despite the tremendous efforts and energy that we youth care workers would put into our jobs, our efforts were almost never appreciated and usually disdained. This is the main reason most people do not last long working in this field.

If you have ever tried to convince an unwilling alcoholic to stop drinking, you know what an exercise in futility that can be. There were often times throughout my career in this field that I felt as if I were wasting my time and efforts. And the efforts were tremendous. Rarely did I come home from a work shift not feeling completely drained: physically, mentally and emotionally.

I eventually came to a realization that I could not “make” them want to better themselves. I could only help provide a safe environment to learn and grow, be available in times of need and set a good example. I also came to believe that, even if each one of them did not turn there life around, a seed was planted and none of them were the same when they left as they were when they came. If nothing else, they recognized that another way was available to them.

One of the most important parts of my job was looking for teachable moments. These were rare, brief moments where a child was struggling and looking for an answer. Often times, it would start with a child coming to me yelling and complaining about something. Sometimes it was even me they were complaining about. My job at that moment was to make absolute certain that they knew I was listening to them. If a child was really upset and yelling at me, I would put my hand up and gently say, “I am listening to you. Please don’t yell at me.” This often resulted in the child breaking into tears, opening up to me and then opening up to a meaningful conversation.

It is not uncommon for us to come across people we are close to who could benefit from our help but are unwilling to accept it. What I’ve learned from my experience working with unwilling kids is that, we can not make someone willing to change, but we can introduce them to the possibility of change in a subtle way. We can be persistent without nagging. We can let them know we are available to listen and to help when they are willing. There were many times over those 7 years where kids who I thought would never change, suddenly did. However, it was not something I could count on, and therefore, another challenge I faced was learning to let go.

Patience & Tolerance

I often remember being surprised when a new staff member’s jaw would drop at the actions or words of one of the kids. It was at those moments that I would briefly remember just how accustomed I had become to what most people would consider outrageous or “appalling” behavior.

I had learned early on in my career, that the best reaction to unsavory behavior was to calmly state an objection to the behavior and take whatever disciplinary action might be necessary. If you have ever witnessed a police officer in action, even in response to what may seem to be extreme behavior, you’ve probably noticed that the officer doesn’t scream and lecture and react as if he/she is personally offended by the offenders behavior. The officer simply states the objective and issue the necessary consequence.

The key to patience and tolerance is to remove ourselves from the equation. When we fully understand that another persons behavior or the way another person lives has nothing to do with us,  it becomes much easier to tolerate the behavior. This is true even when their behavior is directed at us. And yes, it even applied during the many times I was met with a child screaming at me in my face.

Most impatient and intolerant feelings come from fear: fear that another person will inconvenience us with their behavior, lifestyle, appearance, attitude, etc. There are only two circumstances where this fear can come true: 1) the extremely rare case where another person commits a directly harmful act toward us whether through intention or recklessness; 2) when we focus on and respond to their behavior with our own fear.

By setting aside my personal feelings, I was much better prepared to respond to harmful behaviors and guide the kids toward more productive behaviors. At the same time, I prevented myself from getting caught up in the drama.

Humility

The final challenge I faced was learning humility. As a youth care worker, I had many roles. I was an authority figure, a disciplinarian, a counselor, a mentor, a group facilitator and a teacher. I was also a servant, cook, house keeper, a bookkeeper, taxi driver, babysitter, errand runner, administrative assistant and personal assistant.

There were times my work was heavily criticized by the residents for whom and to whom I was responsible. Though I needed to set boundaries and maintain a role of authority, I was also to be of service to them to assure their basic needs were met.

When faced with unkind criticism, my only recourse was to teach patience and tolerance to them by practicing it myself. If their behavior toward me was inappropriate, it was my job to take corrective action, but never from a position of personal offense. Nor could I allow their personal attacks to affect me any differently than if they had attacked someone else. Even with ruthless animosity directed at me, I needed to provide for their basic needs and maintain a fair and consistent environment.

The benefits of this lesson has been very far reaching in my life. It has helped me be a better father, a better co-worker in every job I have since had, and a better writer. It’s has helped me to be of service to others in many areas of my life without expecting any personal reward or recognition in response. It has strengthened my self esteem to the point where the opinions of others have much less affect on my opinion of myself.

The practice of humility is invaluable in the pursuit of any success in life. All success requires making mistakes, handling the criticism and doubt of others and maintaining motivation and strength throughout. If you want to be a stronger, more successful person, practice being of service to those who have little or no appreciation. But make sure you have a good support system… and don’t do it for 7 years like I did.

My Story

This article is the fourth in a series chronicling my story from active drug addiction to a fulfilling, rewarding and productive life. See the other articles below:

1. Addiction & Recovery
2. A Template For Change
3. Self Love
4. Lessons Learned As A Professional Helper (currently reading)
5. coming soon….

And yes, I did call it an allegorical tale. Which is to say, I do not believe that it’s an historical account meant to be taken literally, but rather a simplified story meant to illustrate a lesson.

Today, most people interpret this story literally, believing that Adam & Eve were two people, individually created by God as the first and only humans in the world. The problem with this interpretation is that, based on what we know about the origins of the human race, it’s inaccurate and serves to discredit the book of Genesis upon which most major religions today are founded.

I realize that many Christians believe that God can do whatever he wants and that any modern science that runs contrary to their particular understanding of the book of Genesis must be false. However, it is that same attitude that prevented the early Roman Catholic church from accepting the fact that the Sun does not revolve around the Earth as well as some fundamental facts about gravity. Today, the church accepts scientific theories about the position and movement of the Earth, the fact that the world is a sphere, and has even begun to accept the possibility that the theory of evolution does not conflict with their teachings.

Why did they change their mind? Have they selectively rejected certain parts of The Bible? Not necessarily, they’ve just discovered that the way they interpreted it was not the only way possible.

Who Were Adam And Eve

The story of Adam and Eve, along with all of the stories and genealogies told in the book of Genesis, were passed on by word of mouth from generation to generation. Some of the oldest stories were probably passed on for 10s of thousands of years: possibly 100s of thousands of years. This is how history was recorded in early human culture before writing became practical. These stories were eventually written based on the accounts of Moses, but probably not until after his death and the settling of Israel.

Imagine as a small child, being told these stories, with all their intricate details over and over again, then growing up to pass them on to your children. It’s inevitable that some simplification occurred in order to make them understandable and easier to remember. Furthermore, there were probably multiple versions of the stories in circulation. It’s even possible that there is some ancient Egyptian lore intermixed, since Moses himself, though Israelite by blood, was raised by Egyptians.

It is probably the case that the Adam and Eve portrayed in the story were the earliest known ancestors of these ancient people. Perhaps they were the first ones to migrate out of the tropical paradise to the less hospitable “forbidden” lands beyond in search of truth (“knowledge of good and evil”) and food alternatives (“forbidden fruit”). It’s also quite possible that this story describes a tribe of early humans rather than a single man and woman.

There are 3 main reasons that I believe Adam & Eve were not literally the first man and woman, but rather were iconic characters representing early “mankind.”

1. Literally translated, the word Adam, means man.
2. Often the early books of the Old Testament refer to entire tribes by a single proper name. One common example of this is Israel. Israel was a man, not a nation. The word Israel was used frequently to describe the descendants of the man, Israel.
3. In Genesis 4:14, Cain worries about being a restless wanderer and being killed by someone. Yet, according to this book so far, the only people in existence are Adam, Eve and Cain who had just killed the fourth, Abel.
4. Based on what we know today about the origins of the human race, this is the only interpretation that makes sense. We know that man did not start as a single nuclear family in the tropics (or Garden of Eden), then suddenly start practicing agriculture. It was a slow transition from the tropics, the caves, then beyond that occurred over many generations. The practice of agriculture (growing food and raising animals) occurred out of necessity as humans moved further and further from their natural source of food.

Expulsion From “The Garden”

What is interesting about this part of the story is that the punishments that God delivers to Adam and Eve are basically the natural consequences of migrating from a tropical lifestyle, in which the main subsistence is fruit, to a agrarian lifestyle where the main subsistence is grains with some meats.

Eve’s Curse

“With pain you will give birth to children.” – It turns out that on a diet of grains and meat, child labor is much more difficult, painful and lengthy. Even today, in cultures with diets closer to the original natural diet of mankind (i.e. primarily raw fruits and vegetables), childbirth is faster and less painful.

“Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule you forever.” – Prior to mankind’s shift from hunting and gathering to land cultivation, man and women were equals. They worked together in nuclear families to gather foods and raise children. Upon shifting to an agricultural lifestyle, the roll of the man as the laborer became crucial to the survival of the home. He needed the support and cooperation of the woman in order to adequately provide for the family.

Over time, this put the man in a position of great power in a hierarchical, extended-family-based society and reduced the woman’s worth to that of serving the man. As agriculture became a professional endeavor and nuclear families began returning as the norm, woman’s place in society began to shift back toward what it once was.

Adam’s Curse

“Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.“ – Because Adam and Eve left the source of their natural foods, it was now necessary to perform hard labor in agriculture in order to survive. The next verse says, “you will eat the plants of the field.” This was a new concept, since before this, they had eaten the fruit of the trees.

“Be Fruitful And Multiply”

Again, this is a natural consequence of a agrarian lifestyle. In order to survive, you must have multiple children to assist.

Was Eve Really The Instigator?

It probably is the case that the woman was the first to suggest agrarian methods. In human hunting and gathering families, the women and children would generally gather fruits and greens while the man hunted to provide occasional meats.

As the person in charge of gathering plant-based foods, it probably was a woman who first noticed that by planting seeds, they could control the location and amount of food available for the family. This would seem to make life much easier and more flexible allowing them to move further away from other families they were competing with for food and live wherever they want to live.

What’s The Moral?

Traditionally, we usually think of this as a simple story about the consequences of disobedience. I think the moral goes much deeper than that with more widespread and modern day relevance. It’s a story about the consequences of our detachment from our natural environment. And if God is the creator of all that is natural, then it also is a story of our detachment from God.

As it turns out, the initial migration from the tropics to the immediately surrounding areas lead to a much more laborious existence. As we’ve moved further and further away, we’ve had to work harder and harder in order to survive. We’ve had to build stronger, insulated homes. We’ve had to work harder and harder to grow and buy foods, heat our homes, keep ourselves safe and healthy and build more structured societies.

Consequently, as a society, we have continuously become busier and busier. The pace of our world keeps going faster and faster in order to maintain our increasing detachment from our natural environment.

At the same time, our food supply has become further and further detached from its natural origins. We’ve gone from picking fruit off trees to working the soil for foods, to cooking for preservation, to drying, canning, refrigeration, freezing, hybridizing, refining, packaging, chemical processing, hormone injecting, supplementing, etc…. We’ve gotten to a point where our diet has little to no resemblance to that which our bodies were originally designed. And we continue to move further and further away from it.

Consequently, we are seeing greater and greater numbers of chronic diseases and disorders, for which we use more unnatural,  supplements and chemical-based medications to remedy. Health care costs continue to skyrocket while scientific advancements in illness intervention continue to grow. Yet, we continue to see increases in health problems.

The curse of Adam and Eve is alive and well in our culture today because we keep consuming greater and greater amounts of the same forbidden fruit. The Garden of Eden still exists. World population along with acclimation to our existing culture are the “cherubim and flaming sword” that guard the garden.

Though our entire population may not be able to go back to the garden and live the life of paradise we were meant to live, we can move back in that direction. The more we allow ourselves to experience nature and the more we feed our bodies their natural diet, the more closely our lives will resemble that of early man, the more peaceful and contented we will feel and the closer we will be to God.

I have lived in Wisconsin all my life and have dreaded this time of year every single year since I was old enough to notice. Every year, I have dreamed of living in a warmer climate, but family and friends have had a compellingly affectionate (though somewhat annoying) tendency to keep me here. In fact, not only have I not moved south, but 7 years ago, I moved over 100 miles further north!

After living through many, many cold winters, I have learned a few lessons on how to maintain the best health possible when the arctic winds start blowing through.

Eat A LOT More Greens

I mean A LOT. This time of year, I am eating as much as a pound of greens per day. Usually in green smoothies and large salads.

Nothing works better than leafy green vegetables at keeping your immune systems strong to ward off colds and flu, keeping your blood circulating, and helping maintain a healthy blood sugar level to keep you energetic and warm.

Eat Less Sugar, More Fat and Fiber

Yes, I did say “more fat”. Now you have another justification to eat fat. But before you get too excited, let me clarify that when I talk about “fat”, I’m not talking about pounds of bacon and french fries. Instead, choose fats that are healthier for your body: avocados, nuts, coconuts, etc. Of course, if you have problems maintaining weight or a habit of unhealthy over indulgence, you’ll want to proceed with caution. However, cutting back on sugar will help with weight maintenance and food cravings, so you’ll probably be OK eating more fat.

High sugar foods, especially those with a high glycemic index, will give you short, unhealthy boosts of energy followed by a crash where you are left in a cold sweat. Not only does this make it difficult for your body to maintain warmth, but it also stresses your immune system leaving you vulnerable to the active winter viruses.

A side note on 80/10/10: If you are on an 80/10/10 diet, you should completely ignore this suggestion (I probably don’t need to tell you that). Just make sure you’re getting enough calories. A healthy, low-fat, raw food diet should need no adjustments for cold weather since with such low volumes of fat in the blood stream, your body will have no trouble maintaining consistent blood sugar levels. But, if you are not able to maintain a strict 80/10/10 diet consistently, high levels of sugar can be harmful.

Avoid Hot Showers

I love a hot shower on a cold winter day. The problem is that it’s hard to get out. When I finally do get out, my skin is dry, itchy and vulnerable to becoming chapped.

Our skin plays an important role in our body’s immune system, and it needs moisture and oil to function best. So, dry skin is not only uncomfortable, annoying and unattractive, it is also makes us more vulnerable to illness.

Tips to avoid hot showers:

• Keep the bathroom toasty warm. Use a space heater or some other mechanism to warm up the bathroom before getting yourself all wet. If you’re worried about energy consumption, stop worrying. It is much more efficient to heat the air with a space heater than to heat it with your hot water heater. Most of the heat produced by your hot water heater ends up going down the drain.
• Seal everything up. Put your bathrobe on the floor covering the space under the door. Close the shower curtain and use the moisture from the shower to seal it against the wall.
• Close the drain. If your shower is in your bathtub, close the drain to keep the heat in the warm water from going down the drain. The air will be much warmer and you won’t feel compelled to huddle yourself under the hot water. Yes, you will probably have to clean your tub more often, but if you’re as cold intolerant as I am, it will be worth it.
• Warm up before showering. Do some physical activity to warm up your body before getting in the shower.
• Don’t get any more wet than you have to. I know some people like to wash from top down in order to keep dirtiness from draining down to the already cleaned parts, but seriously, unless you work in a coal mine or haven’t showered for a week or two, don’t worry too much about it. Instead of turning the water on and jumping in head first right from the start, soap up your body starting with your feet first and get wet as needed. Wash your hair last. Once your hair is wet, you are much more vulnerable to cold. If you wait until the end when the bathroom is already nice and warm, it won’t be so bad.
• Take a warm bath. Not too hot or you’ll run into the same problems. Add some essential oils, such as jojoba, to the bathwater to help moisturize your skin.

Avoid Moisturizers Made With Alcohol & Sodium

Alcohol and sodium are common bases for moisturizers. Though they may give you fast, temporary relief from chapping or dryness, they can exacerbate the problem in the long term.

Instead, use oils, such as pure coconut oil, or moisturizers based on honey or pollen. Even petroleum jelly will work. These will give you better long term relief. Some may come with a higher price tag, but you will use a lot less.

Get As Much Sunshine As Possible

Anytime I see the sun shining, I disconnect my laptop from my desk workstation and relocate my mobile office to a spot in the direct sunlight.

Not only does sunshine provide Vitamin D, but it also seems to have some strong anti-depressant properties without the frightening side affects you get with the pills. Considerable evidence suggests that exposure to sunshine also improves the body’s ability to digest food efficiently.

Keep Your Home And Work Environment Bright

I’m not sure if it’s just a placebo affect or not, but when I keep bright lights on during the day, especially if it’s cloudy and dreary outside, I feel more focused, energetic and hopeful.

Light boxes are popular in far north places such as Alaska and dark, dreary places such as Seattle. Again, I don’t know if the affects are psychological or physiological or both, but whatever the case, a lot of people report significant health and mood improvements from using them.

Spend As Much Time Outside As You Can Stand

In all the harsh winters I’ve lived through in Wisconsin, there were three winters that didn’t make me miserable. In fact, I kind of enjoyed them. One was a winter during which I spent a lot of time in California, but that doesn’t help my case here. Another was when I biked 10 miles each way to work and back through the winter. The third was when I maintained an outdoor running habit through the winter.

Many, if not most, of the problems we experience in the winter don’t come from exposure to the cold weather; they come from being sealed up indoors for months at a time with no fresh air or sunshine. The air pollution we experience in the worst industrial cities in the US doesn’t compare the the poor air quality of a sealed up home.

Get outside as much as you can. Go sledding, skiing, snowshoeing, walk or bike to work, walk around the neighborhood and stay in touch with the neighbors you usually only see in summer. You’ll be surprised at how much better it makes you feel.

Don’t forget to dress for the weather. If you live up north, don’t be ashamed to dress like a northerner. Thermal underwear is not just for lumberjacks. It will keep you warm inside and allow you to wear your best looking stuff on the outside. The more layers the better!

Open A Window Once In While

Again, many of the winter related problems we experience come from being sealed up indoors with no fresh air or sunshine. The air quality in a sealed up home can be many times worse than the worst industrial cities. Opening a window once in a while will help alleviate this.

A good place to do this is in your bedroom before going to sleep. If it’s not ridiculously cold outside, you could leave the window open a crack all night. Otherwise, just leave it open for a while, then close it before tucking yourself in for the night.

Keep Your Home Humidified

There are three main reasons people in cold weather climates get more colds in the winter. The first is the increased exposure to other sick people in enclosed spaced. The second and third have to do with how the body protects itself from viruses.

The mucus membranes in our sinuses are capable of flushing out viruses and bacteria if they are operating at their peak performance. Cold temperatures slow that process down, giving viruses more time to spread before they can be flushed out.

Dry air makes this even worse. When the mucus in your sinuses dries up, it is not able to flush out the viruses and other toxins quickly enough. Thus, you become more vulnerable to viruses.

Use a large humidifier or central humidifier to keep your home at around 45% relative humidity. More if you are experiencing sinus problems. But, don’t allow it to stay above 50% for an extended period of time as that may promote the growth of germs, bacteria and molds which will keep your immune system busy, again making you vulnerable to viruses.

Remain Physically Active

Physical activity warms up our bodies and helps us maintain a healthy circulatory system to help keep our bodies warm all day long. It also releases endorphins that help combat depression. And if that’s not enough, regular moderate exercise makes the immune system stronger to keep the nasty winter viruses away.

I’m not the kind of person who likes to set aside time for an exercise routine or trips to a gym. In the summer, it’s easy for me to stay physically active because I love being outdoors. But, in the winter, it’s much harder. So, I fill my idle time with physical activity. I’ll do stretches, simple calisthenics and lift dumbbells while I’m waiting for my computer to complete a process. It keeps me warm, energetic and prevents RPS.

If you work in a cubicle farm, like I used to, your co-workers might think you’re silly, but sooner or later, they’ll be joining in.

Travel

If you have the time and the means, having a short break in the middle of winter can do wonders for your spirit and health. There’s nothing like stepping out of an airport in the middle of a cold, dark winter and feeling a warm summery breeze. I’ve had several experiences in my life where I had been sick with a cold for weeks at a time that I just can’t shake, and after spending a few days in a warm place, I feel fresh and vibrant again.

It’s usually best to plan a trip closer to the end of winter. It can be depressing to spend a week basking in the warm sunshine only to return immediately to face several months of dismal darkness and cold.

That’s It

Winter doesn’t have to be a time of illness and misery or putting the good life on hold until spring comes around again. With these tips, we can learn to tolerate, and perhaps even love winter.

As always, I’m interested in hearing your ideas as well. How do you stay healthy and happy during the winters?

The author fills the book with food and fitness plans that will bring success along with testimonials to let you know that others have paved the way to reinforce the claim that this particular plan will change your life. Each time I began reading the book, I did so with a positive outlook and firm belief that the author’s claims were true – this book will change my life.

My experience has shown that the book will change my next couple days, weeks or months; not life. Each time I had tried something new and didn’t follow through with it, I lost a little more faith in my ability to reach my goals; and I usually gained back the weight I lost while following the plan.

While I hadn’t stuck to one plan to completion, there is one plan that I still incorporate in my life today – The South Beach Diet.

The South Beach Diet was founded by Dr. Agatston, a cardiologist who found himself on a quest to find the best heart healthy diet for his patients. Not only did Dr. Agatston succeed at his quest, he also found that he created a diet that could help people lose weight and experience other benefits as well.

When I say diet in regard to the South Beach Diet, I mean the foods that we eat. The South Beach Diet is not so much a limit of things we cannot have, but a lifestyle change. Let me explain.

One of the first things I learned about the South Beach Diet was that it consists of three phases.

1. Phase One should last for two weeks and the purpose is to eliminate cravings for things like white flour and sugar and the bonus side effect of losing 8- 13 lbs.
2. Phase Two is the weight loss phase and should last until you reach your goal weight. Following this phase will lead to what is considered a healthy loss of 1 – 2 lbs per week.
3. Once your goal weight is reached you move on to Phase 3 which is the maintenance phase, where – you guessed it! – you will maintain the weight loss.

What I like about this book is that it explains the different food groups and why certain foods are eliminated or added into your diet based on the effect the foods have on your body. It’s about feeding your body the nutrients it needs to perform at maximum efficiency.

Dr. Agatston details why foods like chocolate cake and potato chips not only cause weight gain, but also cause cravings. When we eat unhealthy foods we misinterpret cravings. We could be dreaming of gummy bears when really our body is telling us an orange is in order. Phase One eliminates cravings so that our body can begin to understand what it needs instead of eating nonstop to satisfy a craving we don’t understand.

I experienced a great deal of success with The South Beach Diet. The first time I followed it, I lost about 45 lbs. and was able to follow it for about nine months. Then I got pregnant and decided I was going to have a french fry and ice cream party every day and no one could stop me! I gained back all 45 lbs. and an extra 30 lbs for good measure. I had struggles after having my son for several years and hadn’t really been able to stick to The Beach.

I do now, however, understand that when I cut out white flour and sugar, and add in fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains, eggs, and lean meats, my chances to lose weight and have more energy increase.

While this book didn’t get into the nitty gritty of why I overeat, it did give me a better understanding of healthier foods to eat and foods that are best avoided. I also read the more detailed companion book Good Fats Good Carbs Guide. There are now several companion books to The South Beach Diet including a Restaurant Dining Guide and a few Cookbooks.

If you haven’t checked out The South Beach Diet yet and think you could use a better understanding of the food you eat that has nothing to do with calorie count, try this book. It may change the way you view what you eat for the better.

7 Common Mistakes To Avoid When Helping Others

1. Unsolicited advice. When I quit smoking many years ago, any time I saw a friend or family member smoking, I was itching to try to convince them to stop. I resisted the itch though, because so many of my friends who had quit smoking hounded me and other smokers. It did nothing but annoy me and strengthen my justifications to keep smoking. If someone is not interested in making a particular change, they aren’t going to hear what you have to say, and it can damage your rapport with that person. Instead, wait for the teachable moments when someone reaches out to you for help. Then share your experience and allow the other person to decide where to go with it.
2. Attaching yourself to the outcome. Your worth is not determined by the success or failure of others. Some will fail, and some will succeed beyond your expectations. Others will succeed in a way that is pleasing to them but not you. Whatever the case, they will determine their success; you will not.
3. Martyrdom. If you believe that you are sacrificing yourself in order to help others, you have run into one of two problems: either you are looking at it the wrong way or you are engaging in an activity that is not right for you. Helping others should not require tremendous sacrifice. If you sacrifice yourself, you will have little to offer anyone else.
4. Teaching what you haven’t yet learned. When we start learning something new that gives us hope and excitement, it’s not uncommon to want to run around and tell everyone about it and try to drag them along for the ride. Remember the friends I mentioned earlier who quit smoking and hounded me to do the same? Well, many of them went back to smoking eventually. They had not yet learned how to stay smoke free. For those of us who were annoyed by there hounding, this reinforced our beliefs that quitting smoking is just a pointless endeavor.
5. Putting the needs of others before your own.  If you don’t take care of yourself, you will have nothing to offer. Your personal growth and development should be your highest priority so you can share that growth with others. The more you have, the more you can give.
6. Over committing yourself. Few things in life are more rewarding than being helpful to others, but when it throws your life out of balance, it is more frustrating than rewarding. Keeping your life balanced and pleasant are essential in order for you to have anything worthwhile to offer anyone else.
7. Jealousy. Sometimes, the experience and support that you offer others will help them to achieve success faster than you did. Sometimes, others will achieve greater success in some areas than you have. If this is troubling to you, revisit your foundation: humility.

Many of the above mistakes can be summed up in a single, simple statement:

Take complete responsibility for your own personal growth and success and allow others to take responsibility for theirs.

7 Ways to Use Your Successes To Help Others

1. Volunteer. There are 101 different ways you can volunteer your time and talents. Besides the usual, conventional ways, you can also share your story with those less fortunate, work with children at a school, help plan events, etc.
2. Share with family and friends. If you have friends or family who are looking for solutions to problems you have already solved, share your story with them. Share it in a personal, non-expectant way. Rather than saying “you should do this,” say “I was in a similar situation and you know what really helped me?”
3. Join group of people who have a common goal. About a year ago, I started a raw food meetup group in Green Bay, where I live, that focuses on sharing raw foods and healthy lifestyle support. It helped me go from feeling alone and at odds with everyone around me with regards to my lifestyle and eating habits, to feeling like an integral part of a community of health enthusiasts. You can go to Meetup.com to find groups of people who meet locally for any number of common purposes such as diet, meditation, exercise, business, etc. If a group doesn’t exist that meets your needs, start one. Other well-known groups include the many 12 step fellowships such as AA, NA, etc.
4. Write about it! This just might be my favorite one :). When you write your success stories and the lessons you’ve learned, it helps solidify things in your mind. There is something about seeing something in black and white on paper (or computer screen) that makes it intensely real. Rarely do I ever write an article and not learn something in the process. As an added bonus, you can then share it with as many people as you wish. Even writing in a personal journal will help you see and understand your successes more clearly.
5. Speak. Share your story at public speaking events, in schools, Toastmasters meetings or other places where there are people who can learn from your experience. When I joined Toastmasters International a couple years ago, I was absolutely petrified of speaking in front of people. Today, not only can I speak in front of people, but I enjoy it! One of my favorite things about speaking is that I get immediate feedback from the audience.
6. Spend time with children. Children are learning machines. Even when they are not trying, they are still learning. When children are around us, they learn from the things we say, and more importantly, the things we do, our attitudes and how we treat them.
7. Be available. If a friend or loved one is struggling, offer to help. Be willing to set aside other distractions and give your undivided attention to someone in need if you believe you can help, even if it is not convenient for you.

This is really just the tip of the ice-burg. I invite you to add to this list in the comments below. I am always interested in reading your perspective.

Continue reading to see if you are practicing any of the 7 Common Mistakes to Avoid When Helping Others.

This is just one of many benefits of sharing successes with others and one of many reasons it is the seventh and final step in my article on How To Change Who You Are:

Once you have achieves some success, help others to do the same by sharing your experience with them. Nothing solidifies a successful change like sharing your success with another person. This type of service will remind you of your own commitment and perpetuate gratitude for the changes you’ve made as you see others struggle to make the same changes. However, be cautious of becoming preoccupied with the success of others since not everyone will achieve the same success you have.

7 Benefits Of Sharing With Others

1. Become a master of your own success. Have you ever helped a child with his/her homework? If you have, you have probably already experienced this benefit. Even if it was a subject that you thought you completely forgot about, you probably were able to come up with enough knowledge to help solve the problems, and by the time you were done, you probably had a much better grasp on the material than you did when you started. When you teach something to someone else, you clarify the subject you are teaching to yourself. You use your knowledge in a different way and make connections in your brain that help you to understand and apply your knowledge better than before.
2. Feel purposeful. There are few things in life more fulfilling than feeling purposeful. Purposefulness helps us feel better about ourselves and gives us the energy and inspiration to continue making a better life for ourselves. When your knowledge and experience become valuable to someone else, it motivates you to become more knowledgeable and experienced.
3. Good will points. You can call it Karma, favor points or whatever you want, but the fact is, when you are kind to others in a spirit of good will (as opposed to a spirit of obligation or expectation), kindness will come back to you. Those who you help will feel a sense of gratitude toward you, and anyone affected will recognize the strength of your character.
4. Improved self image. When you use your own knowledge and resources to help others, you gain recognition of how valuable you are to others and the contribution you can make to the world.
5. Feel good. Even thinking about someone else being successful with help from you can make you feel good. Take a second right now to imagine that someone you love has just conquered a major problem of theirs and you helped them do it. I challenge you to paint that picture vividly in your mind and try not to smile.
6. Inspiration to continue your success. When you see that your knowledge and experience can help others, you will be more confident in your ability to help yourself and continue to grow. Additionally, those you help who do find success, will teach and inspire you.

Continue reading 7 Ways to Use Your Successes To Help Others.

Then read 7 Common Mistakes To Avoid When Helping Others.

I have read and listened to so many stories of people who have lifted themselves up from a life of hopelessness to one of tremendous success and fulfillment. I usually hear much detail about the pain and suffering that occurred before making the changes, followed by a happy ending involving great success. Rarely do I hear much about the story in between: the hard work, the doubts, setbacks and grief.

This is a story about the struggles I faced after getting off of drugs and the not-so-rosy life I lead for some time thereafter.

Many Things Changed, But Many Things Didn’t

I continued to work as a short order cook for several years, still resigned to the idea that I wouldn’t amount to much. I experienced frequent mood swings which sometimes lead to outbursts which sometimes lead to broken stuff. I was constantly stressed and sometimes even depressed.

Part of the problem was that, even though I had taken the drugs out of my life, I hadn’t changed the way I thought of myself. I still considered myself a loser, drug-addict. I hadn’t forgiven myself for the mistakes I made. I still hated myself.

This became clear to me one morning when I came home from my night shift job at about 7:00am. I was sitting at my kitchen table stewing over some problems I was having with my roommate. At the same time, I was mulling over some frustrating issues at work, some financial problems, health issues, and mostly just wondering if I would ever get anywhere in life.

At that point, I just didn’t understand why, despite my efforts, nothing seemed to be changing. And even more than that, I didn’t understand why I was constantly feeling frustrated and stressed out. I was exhausted and wanted some peace and rest from the frustration, but I didn’t see how to get there. In the past, I would have considered getting drunk or high to afford me some peace, but I wasn’t considering that option at this time.

Suddenly I had a thought. “Danny, you’re alright. You’re not a bad person.” I had no idea where it came from. Maybe it was a seed planted in me from the counselors from years before, or maybe it was my God consciousness. Wherever it came from, there it was… and it made me cry.

I cried like I had never cried before. Even at funerals, I never cried like this. I was sitting in this chair at my kitchen table with my head in my hands sobbing like a little boy who lost his favorite teddy bear. I was feeling pain that I hadn’t allowed myself to feel for many years… and wow!… it felt so good.

Turning Point

This marked a major turning point for me. Over the course of the next year, I moved into a healthier living situation, I switched to a healthier diet, I quit smoking, and started a new career working with troubled adolescents in group homes and started taking a few college courses. My life was quite different than it had been just a year earlier: practically unrecognizable as the same life.

Over the next several years, things just kept getting better. I felt better. I even looked better. At 19 years old, it wasn’t uncommon for people to mistake me for someone twice my age. By the time I was 25, it became more common for people to mistake me for a teenager.

The Power of Self Love

What is interesting about this period of my life is that I didn’t consciously set out to make major changes. I didn’t set any real goals (if I had I’d probably have seen much greater success, but that’s a topic for another article). The changes that I did make were natural individual decisions that I made along the way. They were natural because, since I didn’t hate myself (as much) anymore, it was much easier for me to focus my energy on those things that are good for me.

• I saw an opportunity to start a new career and it didn’t make sense to me to continue doing what I was doing. In the past, I would have been convinced that I would fail at that career.
• I saw that my health was suffering because of the way I was taking care of my body. It didn’t make sense to continue doing that. In the past, I didn’t have enough respect for myself to care or even notice that I was harming myself with my lifestyle.
• It didn’t make sense to me that I was not continuing my education.

I saw myself and my possibilities in a whole new light, and that made all the difference. It’s hard to underestimate the power of self-confidence. The idea that “students will rise to the level of expectation” applies to all of us: school students and life students.

If you don’t think you will amount to much, you won’t. That’s the simple truth.

If I don’t think I deserve a fulfilling life, I will be unfulfilled. There is no other possibility, because the only person who can bring me fulfillment is me. Why would I do something nice for someone I don’t like who I don’t think deserves it?

The reason self love is so powerful is that, as adults with free will, we are completely and totally responsible for nearly every aspect of our lives: our level of success, how much money we make, the shape of our bodies and even how happy we are. Our thoughts and actions craft our lives. And, if you hate yourself, why would you go through the trouble to craft a great life for someone you hate? On the other hand, you are willing to go to any lengths for the success and happiness of someone you love

My Story

This article is the third in a series chronicling my story from active drug addiction to a fulfilling, rewarding and productive life. See the other articles below:

1. Addiction & Recovery
2. A Template For Change
3. Self Love (currently reading)
4. Lessons Learned As A Professional Helper
5. coming soon….

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I have struggled with being overweight my entire life, and losing weight is the biggest thing I have wanted to change about myself. I have read books chronicling individual tales of success, I have read testimonials from people who found success in specific programs, and I have put to practice many programs myself to lose the weight.

Though I have had many successes and periods of great health, one thing has been consistent; the weight has always come back.

Here is a list of different strategies I’ve tried (these are not endorsements, just chronicles of my experiences). Some have worked; some haven’t:

• When I was 8 or 9, my Mother thought it would be a fabulous idea to get me a Get In Shape, Girl! cassette tape. Since my health was never discussed, this was an immediate blow to my self-esteem and led me to wonder what was wrong with me. I listened to the tape for about ten minutes, and that was that. Feel free to check out a vintage commercial for the “program” below:

• In high school, I decided the best course of action was to limit myself to one small meal a day. When I couldn’t sleep at night because the rumbling in my stomach was so loud, I would eat a single slice of bread. I lost about 30 lbs and was the smallest I had ever been, still to this day. I was also extremely weak, unable to concentrate, and experienced regular dizzy spells. This was extremely unhealthy and definitely not something I would ever do again.
• In my early 20’s I joined the YMCA which was my first experience with a fitness center. I was pretty sure I was going to die during my initial health assessment of ten minutes on the cross trainer. I barely finished, and at the end of ten minutes, my face was beet red and sweat was pouring down my face and body. After four months I lost about 20lbs and was able to complete 30 minutes on the cross trainer without feeling that death was coming to get me.
• Around the time I joined the YMCA, I joined Weight Watchers for the first time. I had always heard that the key to weight loss was eating right and exercise, so I decided one program for each area would be best. These both lasted approximately four months.
• About a year after ending my YMCA and Weight Watchers memberships, I joined a new facility; The Wisconsin Athletic Club. I chose it for the convenience as it was located in the building I worked in. I attended a spinning class at least 3 days a week, which was 50 minutes of hardcore biking. A far cry from the 10 death defying minutes on the cross trainer. My first few classes, the instructors asked me not to push myself too much. They saw how red my face was, and with how overweight I was, I’m sure they didn’t want me to drop dead in class. I should mention that I had the best success during this time, not just physically, but mentally as well. Weight doesn’t just make physical activity a challenge, it bogs down the mind too. I probably lost about 35 lbs and my energy level increased significantly, as well as my self-esteem. I should also mention that it was not unusual for me to get a double cheeseburger and medium fry for lunch.
• During a financially difficult time, I cancelled my WAC membership and the weight came back with a vengeance. After a year I rejoined the YMCA, and discovered the South Beach Diet. I was more committed to the South Beach Diet than I was to working out at the YMCA. I liked the three phases of the South Beach Diet. In the first phase, you spend two weeks cutting out sugar cravings; the second phase is the weight loss phase (one-two pounds per week); and the third phase is the maintenance phase (to maintain weight loss). I lost about 40lbs in three-four months and for several months after, the weight slowly continued to drop.

Then, I got pregnant. Everything went out the window and it was a shake and french fry party every day, and an ice cream party every night. Nine months (ten really) and 75 lbs later, I gave birth to Tristen. While my son was the best thing that happened to me, I was left with the weight from the shake, fry and ice cream parties, and I felt completely worthless.

I attempted to get back on the South Beach Diet, but every attempt failed. I experience severe postpartum depression, and instead of eating good food, I made chocolate cake at least once a week and ate as much as I could before my husband could eat any.

• While being treated for my postpartum, I felt enough energy to try something again but nothing too ambitious. I ordered Leslie Sansone’s Walk at Home DVDs. I liked walking and figured this would be my ticket. I still ate like I was pregnant though. I did not lose weight and became quickly discouraged.
• I started to notice that people who ran were thin. This, I thought, was where it was at! I started a program of walking/jogging. I could not jog a significant distance though, so mostly walked. I completed a 15K in about two hours and forty-five minutes. Four months later I completed a half marathon in three hours and forty-five minutes. I lost about 20 lbs but still could not get a handle on my eating. I attempted juicing, but got lazy and purchased juices from the store which just led back to eating poorly.
• About a year later I was at my highest weight ever (besides when I was pregnant). I talked to a close friend about my life struggles with weight and the deep-rooted feelings behind why I continued to sabotage myself. At this time, I had just started the Alli program and was following the meal plan along with taking the pills. Again, I was convinced that this was my ticket. I had a free trial membership for Curves and went there a few times. I had a friend who ran a Curves several years before, and I read the book and was curious, but I hadn’t tried it.
• I joined Snap Fitness because it was a 24 hour facility and it was not as overwhelming in size as the YMCA. Also, it was a mile from my house, and it did not take an additional hour of travel time to get to and from the facility, as well as locker room time. About a month into my Snap membership, I stopped the Alli program and began eating healthier and fewer calories. I sent a daily food and exercise log to the close friend I shared my struggles with earlier. I felt good. I lost about 45 lbs.
• Again, because of financial difficulties, I left Snap. I continued to go for walks and bike rides. I talked to someone about running, and told him that I could never run for longer than a minute. He made a small suggestion – slow down! The next day, I went for my first one mile jog. I did not walk at all; I jogged the entire mile. I was incredibly proud and pretty shocked at this accomplishment. Within a couple of months I was able to jog three miles without stopping. I had big hopes for myself; however, like every other time, I stopped doing what was working, and the weight came back to where it was before I joined Snap.
• I decided to turn to the Raw Food lifestyle. I wanted to complete a juice fast to clean out my system before starting. Needless to say, I didn’t complete more than two days on the juice fast, and I never made it to eating raw.
• Then I ordered P90X, convinced this was it (notice a pattern?). I was committed for about two weeks, and then I just completed the DVDs when I felt the urge.
• I returned to the South Beach Diet for about three weeks several months ago. I lost a few pounds and regained a little bit of hope.
• About two months ago I ate raw for twelve entire days. They were extremely challenging days and I wasn’t sure how I would get through each day. After a couple days of the scale not moving, I decided that I needed to add exercise which led to approximately a pound of weight loss each day.
• For the past month and a half, I have been involved in several different forms of physical activity; kayaking, canoeing, painting, biking, and extremely long walks. I have also stayed away from sweets (for the most part) and have made a conscious effort to eat a well rounded and healthy diet. I am down about 20 lbs yet again and am still hopeful yet nervous considering my countless experiences with failure.

The main thing I have learned over the past decade of trying and failing to maintain a healthy weight is that …

it does not matter how you lose it, what matters is why you gain it.

I can be extremely strict with myself. All of these programs took will power and control. However, there seems to come a point when the negative self-talk overpowers my commitment to change, and these are the times I give up.

Fear plays a big roll here. Some of my fears include becoming a mean-spirited and unkind thin person, actually succeeding, and letting go of the comfort I have long associated with food. These are the issues I need to work through before any program I attempt can be successful.

I am again talking with a close friend about the reasons behind the gaining: the low self-esteem, the negative self-talk. This is a lifelong journey of healing that has little to do with finding a magic program to “cure” me, and everything to do with my self-worth. Each day I remind myself that I am worth it and that I deserve to be treated well, and this starts with healthy feeding of the mind, body and spirit.