This may drain our hope and inspiration and, worst of all, fill us with shame about who we are. Shame drains our motivation and leads to self-loathing. And, if we loath ourselves, why would we want to do anything good for someone we loath?

Taking The First Step

The first step to changing who you are is to realize that you can’t. …So, why am I writing about changing who we are if it can’t be done? Because, I’m hoping to change your perspective. What we really need to change is not who we are but what we do.

This may seem like an irrelevant, semantic distinction, but when we define who we are by our behaviors, we present ourselves with a huge barrier. For instance, if I define myself as a slacker, I have to become someone who I am not in order to become motivated. If I, instead, recognize myself as a good person with potential to change and grow who struggles with motivation, then I can face the struggle instead of trying to work against my identity.

Another obstacle we face when identifying ourselves with our behavior is that it becomes a difficult, and possibly humiliating, process just to face the truth about our responsibility in our life situations. We may make excuses about why we’re not exercising everyday because we don’t want to experience the pain of identifying ourselves as lazy or wimpy. Instead, we can simply face the objective truth that we have not made exercise a priority, and then we gain the power to examine and change our priorities.

If I Am Not What I Do, What Am I?

One way to get a glimpse of who we are is to look at our morals, values and motivations. These can help define who we are and what we can achieve and are often at odds with how we actually behave. But, on the surface, even these things can change over time. We don’t usually make a conscious decision to change our values, rather they change over time with experience.

The unchanging definition of who we are lies within our hearts. Each of us has a deep inner voice, or spirit, which guides our thoughts and decisions when we choose to listen. It is when we choose not to listen that we find ourselves confused and discontented with who we are.

Steps to Long Lasting Change

1. Take responsibility for your actions as actions, not as a definition of who you are. This allows you to make objective, non-judgmental observations of yourself that lead to motivated activities rather than paralysis from shame.
2. Realize that the life that you have today has developed into what it is because of your thoughts, choices and actions. This is an empowering realization as what naturally follows is the realization that you have the power to build the life you want tomorrow based on your thoughts, choices and actions today. The alternative to this is to blame other people, circumstances, society, etc. for your conditions which leaves you powerless. Of course, there are often circumstances beyond your control which influence your life, but by focusing on your own influence you find the power to change.
3. Examine your morals and values to make sure that the changes you are planning to make fit in with your motivations and priorities. Every choice you make requires you to sacrifice one thing for another. Sometimes that sacrifice is negligible; sometimes it’s significant. By consciously choosing the sacrifices you make, rather than saying, “I’ll figure it out somehow,” you’ll be much less likely to go back on your choices or lose motivation.
4. Share your plans with others who will support your decision to change. This is especially helpful if shared with others who are making or have made similar changes. It may also help to avoid sharing with others who may not be supportive until you have achieved some success. The value of having supportive friends and associates can scarcely be overestimated. If you find it difficult to find supportive people within your physical community, find a community online.
5. Celebrate your milestones and practice gratitude. It’s more helpful to celebrate time-based milestones as opposed to trying to measure changes you’ve made. For instance, if you have decided to improve your physical health and are focused on, say, 10 pounds of weight loss, you may be frustrated and discouraged if it takes longer than expected or if you gain back some of what you’ve lost. Instead try focusing on 30 days of healthy eating and/or improved physical activity for instance.
6. Re-evaluate your commitments regularly to assure that your behaviors stay inline with your personal morals, values and priorities. Recommit to and/or adjust choices you’ve made. Practice self-discipline at times when you forget why you are doing what you are doing.
7. Once you have achieves some success, help others to do the same by sharing your experience with them. Nothing solidifies a successful change like sharing your success with another person. This type of service will remind you of your own commitment and perpetuate gratitude for the changes you’ve made as you see others struggle to make the same changes. However, be cautious of becoming preoccupied with the success of others since not everyone will achieve the same success you have.

Religious texts often focus on mundane details about the food we eat, the cloths we wear, the length of our hair, the way we pray or worship, or how to act on particular days of the week or calendar day. Cultural changes and the evolution of language make it especially difficult to translate and interpret the context and meaning of texts written thousands of years ago.

Many theologians and religious scholars devote their entire lives to interpreting the meaning of religious texts. Yet, we still face uncertainties and ambiguities which often fuel divisiveness and conflict between and within religious groups.

So, what happens if we miss something? What if something gets misinterpreted in translation? What if we follow the wrong denomination or sect? Will God condemn us? Will we fail to receive the full benefits of our relationship with God? If so, it seems that God’s gifts are available to very few.

Love: A Common Theme

A lone, wild daisy in the rough.

A common theme that appears in nearly every religion is that to live God’s will, we must live in love. All of the confusing and seemingly arbitrary rules exist to keep us inline with the principles of love. When the thoughts and action of our lives are a reflection of our love for God, ourselves and each other, we will be living God’s will.

Jesus Christ’s Apostle, Paul, repeats this theme multiple times:

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law. The commandments, ‘Do not commit adultery,’ ‘Do not murder,’ ‘Do not steal,’ ‘Do not covet,’ and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

When we truly love others, naturally, we will not rob, kill or harm them in any way. Our actions will be charitable. And, our hearts will be fulfilled, thus removing any tendency toward materialism, greed or judgment.

The Buddha stated that one who removes barriers to love and lives in love has no need for rules or laws. Their behavior would be naturally virtuous:

All rule and ritual left behind, all
karma blamable and praiseworthy, not
concerning himself with cleansing nor
with stains may one freely fare.

A Course In Miracles takes this a step further by asserting that God and Love are synonymous. And, since we were created by God, God’s love exists in us. We need only remove the barriers to love and we are one with God:

God is but love, and therefore, so am I.

We were born with the ability to recognize good and bad. The need for rules and rituals exists only when we are distracted from our hearts. Most rules of religion aim to remove these distractions. By living in accordance with the principles of love, we can simplify our search for God’s will and know that we are manifesting what God wants.

When we communicate with our God on a regular basis, we begin to think about our wants and needs as they might appear through the eyes of God. We review our challenges and struggles with the best listener in the universe. We can’t help but gain greater consciousness of God’s presence in our lives. And therefore, our faith strengthens.

Faith is the foundation of all miracles. It inspires us to accomplishment. It motivates us to face challenges we might otherwise fear. Fear is, by far, the greatest obstacle that stands between who we are and who we want to be. Faith squashes fear, and regular prayer intensifies faith.

Thoughtful, Sincere Prayer

Reciting a memorized prayer before going to bed each night is better than not praying at all and has some benefits. But, thoughtful, sincere prayer puts us in a conscious conversations with our God, and like any other relationship, our relationship with God grows with good communication.

We don’t pray to God to inform Him of our needs and desires. God is already aware of our desires and knows what we need. We pray to God to express and reinforce our gratitude and our willingness to hear God’s will and to prepare ourselves for God’s guidance.

The Benefits of Prayer

People who pray regularly live longer, get sick less frequently, heal from illness more rapidly and experience lower stress levels than those who do not pray regularly.

Additionally, prayer …

• … builds faith.
• … keeps us in contact with a God who loves us consistently and will not die or leave us.
• … helps us find direction and purpose.
• … build courage.
• … builds humility.
• … helps keep our spiritual actions focused.
• … strengthens our motivation.
• … arouses inspiration.

There are not many things in life that offer so much for such little effort.

Consequently, I lived in misery. My obsession to fulfill my desires with immediate bliss did nothing but drain happiness and bliss from my life. My family and friends who loved me found that their love was squandered.

Anyone who has lived with or loved an active addict knows that addiction brings nothing but pain and misery for everyone in or near the addicts path. Addiction is a void that consumes everything it touches.

The addict lives on the extreme selfish end of a continuum between selfishness and selflessness. Consequently, they live in misery and bring misery to anyone they touch.

On the other end of this continuum are those who live in service to others: those who give what they can give and ask for little or nothing in return. People who spend their energy and efforts letting go of their own desires are the ones who find themselves living in bliss.

Most of us live somewhere in between these extremes. We fit giving and service into our lives wherever we can, and we spend the rest of our time chasing our desires. Yet, the irony applies to us all. Just as the miserable drug addict feebly chases pleasure, the more we focus and obsess over our desires, the more misery we find in our lives. And, as we let go of our desires and offer ourselves in selfless service to others and to our God, the more pleasure and bliss we find in our lives.

My path through drug addiction to a meaningful life of spiritual growth has made this dichotomy clear. Being of service to others is one of the most significant actions I can take to not only relinquish the pain and misery of addiction, but also to bring joy and meaning to my life that surpasses anything that I would have every thought possible.

The path of selfishness is anything but self-serving. Rather, it leads to self-loathing, which leads to self-destruction and desperation, which in turn, leads to deeper selfishness.

The path of selflessness is not sacrificial. It is the path of fulfillment and bliss.

Here are five ideas on how to be inspired voters:

1. Practice Tolerance

The core of our political stance lies in our values and beliefs. Our values define what is important to us, and our beliefs shape our perception of truth. Our values and beliefs are as unique as our fingerprints. To be intolerant of one another’s values and beliefs is as silly as being intolerant of one another’s fingerprints.

To be tolerant, it is not necessary to like or even understand each others views, but only to accept that they are different.

Remember, we can not change each other’s values, we can only reinforce them, often by driving a wedge in our relationships with others.

2. Maintain Perspective

In our personal, day-to-day lives, our relationships with others add much more richness and purpose to our lives than the outcome of any election. Yet, political disagreements have the power to strain family relationships and destroy friendships.

Sometimes it’s easy to become annoyed and hypersensitive when others are bashing our political beliefs, but when put into perspective, differences in political opinion need not take on any more importance in our relationships than differences in food tastes, musical preferences or favorite colors.

3. Practice Acceptance

Acceptance is the key to peace, serenity and freedom. Our power as voters has limits. We can each cast one vote and have no power over how others choose to vote. When we realize this, we free ourselves from futile attempts to change things we can not change, and we are free to use that power elsewhere.

Be prepared for any outcome. It may or may not be the case that the majority of voters hold our values and beliefs. That’s the nature of Democracy.

4. Forget about Heroes and Villains

Despite the mudslinging and candidate bashing claims we hear, both Obama and McCain have a deep love for their country and outstanding leadership abilities. They would not have gotten as far as they have without these things. Additionally, they have both …

• … made silly mistakes.
• … done amazing things for this country.
• … spread misleading rumors about their opponents.
• … solved problems together as Senators.
• … received huge sums of money from lobbyists.
• … received strong grass roots support.

The significant difference between the candidates is how they propose to deal with the issues our country faces. There’s only one question we need to answer when we cast our vote.
Who is going to lead us through the issues our country is facing in a way I agree with most?

5. Be Educated and Vote

Here are a few sites to learn where the candidates stand on the issues they believe are important. Focus on what they say about themselves, not each other.

• Policy Issues - Obama
• Policy Issues -  McCain
• A fairly objective Presidential Election 2008 FAQ.

However, it is important to understand that the practice of gratitude does not require that we ignore or deny true feelings of pain or abandon our human emotions. Even when life is lived with inspiration and the best spiritual intentions, grief, suffering and pain still exist.

On the other hand, experiencing grief, suffering and pain does not require that we abandon gratitude. It is possible to experience pain and gratitude at the same time. It is possible to express gratitude through tears.

Here are 7 ideas to help us maintain gratitude during hard times:

1. Don’t be afraid to cry. No one likes to cry. But often a good cry leaves us feeling refreshed and clears our perception.
2. Spend time with people who care about you. Suffering alone can be overwhelming and blinding. Sharing our suffering with others helps us keep a balanced perspective and lessens the pain.
3. Spend some time alone, too. Quiet, uninterrupted moments of solitude can be calming and can help us build our relationship with God. But, if while alone, you begin feeling overwhelmed or stuck, reach out to a friend.
4. Write. Writing helps us get a clear picture of any disturbances in our thoughts. It also helps us make conscious choices about where we want to focus our thoughts.
5. Pray and meditate. Through prayer and meditation, we build our relationship with God and cultivate hope.
6. Be of service. When we help others, we get out of ourselves.
7. Seek God’s guidance. Remember that much of our pain comes from a misalignment between our will and the will of God. We are human, and we will find ourselves in conflict with God’s will from time to time. When we find ourselves trying to change things we can not change, latching on to material possessions or living in greed or selfishness, we are often met with pain and misery. But, when we practice aligning our will with God’s will through service, selflessness, prayer and meditation, we will find more joy and contentment.

The solution is self-discipline. Self-discipline is a scary word for some of us. This is because it is often misunderstood. Self-discipline is not about forcing ourselves to do what we don’t want to do. That type of discipline can only sustain us for a finite amount of time. And even worse, it often leads us to resent our own goals and visions.

The self-discipline I’m referring to comes from having faith in ourselves. It’s remembering that we set a goal that once inspired us. It’s trusting that our inspiration was well-founded and that it will motivate us again once self-discipline gets things moving again.

When motivation fails, don’t kick yourself in the butt. Have faith in yourself instead.

Kindness In Rough Times

As many of us scale back our living standards and struggle to balance our increasingly constricted budgets in the face of economic uncertainties, the last thing on our minds is generosity and kindness. Yet, as our retirement savings diminish, holiday bonuses disappear and our jobs and homes become at risk, our lives are still showered with abundance in comparison to many others in the world.

Even when our financial future appears frightening (or perhaps especially when it does), the awareness of poverty and generous acts against poverty give rise to inspiration. They remind us of how fortunate we are, and show us just how much we have to give even when we feel as if we have very little.

5 Reasons To Take Action Against Poverty

1. Kindness is inspiring.
2. Through giving we become aware of the abundance in our own lives.
3. When we make the world a better place, we have a better world in which to live.
4. Through kindness and generosity, we become less preoccupied with our own problems.
5. There is no action we can take that will offer as much meaning to our lives as giving of ourselves.

5 Ways To Take Action Against Poverty

1. The most obvious thing you can do is to donate money to organizations who help the poor. You can also donate cloths, food and other items.
2. Volunteering for organizations is a great way to give of yourself and experience the camaraderie of other kind, generous and inspired people. Doing volunteer work in impoverished areas is a life changing experience.
3. Consider the impact of your day-to-day actions. For instance, buy products from companies with policies that do not exploit the poor.
4. Talk about poverty with others: friends, co-workers, government representatives. Poverty is a topic most of us who are unaffected tend to forget about as we face the challenges of our day-to-day lives. The more we talk about it, the more likely we are to take action.
5. Raise your awareness of poverty. You can start today by visiting the Blog Action Day website and reading what others are writing on this topic.

10 Tips For Effective Meditation

1. Repeat a short mantra over and over. It could be a single word or a short phrase that brings you peace. This will keep your conscious mind occupied, thus preventing your mind from drifting.
2. Surround yourself with a droning sound such as crickets, ocean waves, wind, rain, drums, etc. and focus only on that sound.
3. Recite a prayer, mantra, poem, etc. that brings you peace. Allow your mind to stop in between words or phrases. Focus on the space between the words or phrases for as long as you can. When you find yourself getting distracted, move on to the next word or phrase.
4. Focus on each or your senses, one at a time, and gradually tune them out.
5. Focus on each part of your body. Relax each muscle group one at a time.
6. Recognize that you are not your body. Imagine your consciousness expanding beyond your body.
7. Try meditating while performing repetitive physical activity such as walking, running, stretching, Yoga, etc. Focus solely on the movements of your body or the environment moving around it.
8. In practicing meditation, remember the meaning of the word practice. As with all spiritual endeavors, we aim to practice and progress, not to perfect. This life is a physical experience and our thoughts and behaviors are influenced by the physical world. Therefore, it is virtually impossible to achieve perfection in any spiritual practice.
9. Do not be concerned about failure. There is no failure. A few years ago, I encountered a problem when meditating. Whenever I would get to a point where I felt as if I was about to achieve nearly perfect peace and clarity, I would get excited and stressed, thus drifting out of my meditative state. I began to anticipate this excitement and would sabotage my meditative state before it happened. Eventually, I learned to accept the excitement and it eventually stopped happening. The fact is, thoughts and feelings, including those that give rise to stress, both positive and negative, will occur. The trick is to acknowledge them and let them go without following them, trying to control them or judging them.
10. Do not be concerned about falling asleep. If you find yourself drifting off to sleep during meditation, it is probably the case that you are successfully quieting your mind and are in need of sleep. Meditation induced sleep is restful and rejuvenating.

When the moment feels eternal, time has no relevance and you feel as if you are peering into heaven, you have found success in meditation.

For a general guide to mediation see How to Meditate Effectively.

My son, Tristen, continues to teach me lessons as he bounces through life, always in the moment, always free of regret and resentment, and maintaining priorities that allow him to maximize the joy in every moment in life for himself and everyone around him.

Tristen pondering the meaning of life.

1. When the weather is nice, it just doesn’t make sense to stay in the house.
2. Laughter has no prerequisites.
3. When you’re done vomiting, it’s time to run around and celebrate.
4. It’s okay to stay up late once in a while, especially if you’re singing songs with someone you love.
5. When you don’t get what you want, cry for a minute or two, then enjoy what you have.
6. Change is always hard at first, but it always turns out better than you expect.
7. A lifetime of practice using toilets makes it seem much easier than it really is.
8. When a little voice echoes everything you say,  you realize just how foul your language really is.
9. Having fun is at least as important as work.
10. It is possible to smile all day long.
11. You really can’t say “I yuv you” too many times.
12. No matter what happens in life, everything looks beautiful if you get enough sleep.
13. While you’re singing a song, everything is fun, even cleaning the house.
14. Cold water is no excuse to get out of the pool.
15. Everything tastes better with ketchup.
16. Stopping for a train at a railroad crossing is not an inconvenience, it’s free entertainment.
17. There is no disagreement or conflict that can’t be solved with a big squeeze and a kiss on the cheek.
18. The world looks so much more interesting and entertaining when you’re hanging upside down.
19. Everything is more fun, joyous and rewarding when shared with someone else.
20. There is nothing more important in life than sharing time with someone you love.

For more lessons learned from my toddler and links to other posts relating to learning from children, see 20 Things I Learned from My Toddler.