Be Refined

The grief of failed adoptions

2017-09-20T20:31:00.000-07:00

I've been fighting myself on writing this, not sure of the right way to say it all... I try to make a point to have a lesson in each of my posts, but I'm not sure there will be one here... Not yet, we're not quite ready for that.

In May, we were approached by our dear friends about adopting a gorgeous baby girl who was 5 months old and in foster care in their home. We prayed about it and talked about it, and we said yes. We opened our hearts to this amazing, joyful, beautiful girl. We started skyping with her every night and preparing our lives for her. She came to see us, with her foster family, for a week in July so we could bond with her and love on her. She was even more perfect than we imagined and we were entirely smitten.

The boys fell in love with her and referred to her as Baby Sister or Baby Ariel, the name we were going to give her. Once things looked like they would be moving forward, we started fundraising for a home study to help things along, and so many incredible people gave to help us. Then, we have the best friends in Alabama who threw us a baby shower and hand made decorations for her nursery.... We put it all up and put together a crib. All the while, we skyped as often as we were available with the boys' crazy bedtime schedules and school starting.

Over the course of the last 3.5 months, we prepared our hearts, our children, our home, and our family and friends for another addition to the Dice family. September 9, we received a phone call that was heartbreaking. We knew the paperwork could take a little while, or there could be holdups. We did not, however, expect that the foster family would be calling to tell us that they had made the decision to keep her. There was never a conversation about that being an option, and we had had a conversation 3 days before about everyone still being all in for her to be ours. After months of discussions and planning, this was not what we had envisioned, together. It has taken us a week and a half to prepare our hearts to tell everyone in our lives because we have been grieving.

Nobody really knows what to say to a family grieving a failed adoption. Everyone wants to remind you that God has a plan in place and that He has another child, or a pregnancy planned because he won't leave you with an empty, decorated nursery. What nobody sees are the tears cried, the nightmares about losing your child, waking up realizing you were actually crying in your sleep... It feels as if we are experiencing the death of a child.

It took me a few days to really accept all the emotions and get past the numbness of the hurt... I felt guilty that I wasn't more emotional about the loss, but I now realize it was because I was watching my husband grieve so deeply and our boys grieve in their own ways, such as potty accidents and bullying other children at school because they don't understand why their baby sister won't be coming home.

Then, I was walking in Walmart, seeing all the fall and holiday things and smelling all the holiday smells, and the grief washed over me like a waterfall. I started to cry... I don't think I've ever cried through a grocery shopping trip before. I just started thinking about how excited we were to have a baby girl to celebrate birthdays and holidays with. I finally let myself feel how much I love her and let all the emotions wash over me. I had to pull into the parking lot at my son's school because I was sobbing for 15 minutes... That's when I realized I was finally ready to start talking about it.

So many people keep asking when our baby girl is coming home, or what size clothes she was going to be wearing when she did... I am tired of having to answer these questions... We just wanted to give ourselves time to go through some grief and not announce it in a way that would be hurtful or angry. We are grieving for a lot of reasons, because we love the baby we called our daughter, and the relationships lost through this pain.

If you happen to know anyone who is broken because of a failed adoption, please be sensitive to their tender hearts. Chances are they've been trying to get pregnant for a while, possibly years, and have experienced loss in ways that can't be described. Between feeling like a failure because of miscarriages or infertility and brokenness on another level, they aren't really wanting to hear your encouraging words about God's timing, and His blessings... Let them grieve for a little while. Imagine a late-term miscarriage and saying to those parents that they can get pregnant again, or adopt a baby instead, as they are still in the hospital grieving. That's what it has felt like the last few days. "We know that God works all things together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." (Romans 8:28) But, we are not quite prepared to see what He has called us to, not quite yet.

This is not a shot at anyone, we understand that not many people know what that experience is like. That is why I wanted to include that here, because sometimes it helps to have a some reference about how to handle situations when you may not know what to say. We get it, we've been on both sides of it. Just let them know you are there and will be if and when they are ready to talk about it... Lots of hugs and checking in. Not much else is really needed from good friends. We have several amazing friends and family who have hugged us through the last 11 days and loved on us in ways that look insignificant but feel so huge.

Our visual schedule board!

2017-07-31T15:37:00.000-07:00

I have been on a whole new adventure the last couple of years. Sending my boys to daycare/preschool and transitioning into being a part-time working mom has been a bit crazy. Working on time management and figuring out what it looks like to work as a realtor and still maintain my home has been nothing short of exhausting, to be honest.

Anyone who knows me knows that my free spirit doesn't do structure very well. I like freedom to have picnics with the boys and spend full days in the pool or at the beach. Our oldest son, however, thrives with as much structure as we can possibly squeeze in. Talk about a great combination! Then, of course, our youngest son, is a fly by the seat of your pants, move at your own slow pace, stop and smell the roses, kind of kid. Everyone tells you that your kids will be opposite, you just don't fully understand it until they are old enough to talk back.

In an effort to find some sanity in our unstructured summer, I created a schedule board. I had so many of my friends and family so excited about said board, that I thought I'd share with you! I searched Pinterest and the entire internet and pooled some ideas from all over! I found these cards at http://www.thisreadingmama.com/ and printed and laminated them. I bought a black foam board and some neon paint pens.

The blue squares are Scotch brand dry erase tape from Target. The black ovals will be used once school starts for routines, AM, after school, and bedtime. They are chalkboard labels so I can change out the words if it's not working like I want it to. I put velcro squares on the backs of each task card and velcro strips so I can change them by the day.

I have found that using the schedule board works great because it gives me flexibility for each day to change as needed. For our oldest, it just helps to get up and see what the day is going to look like. For the younger one, we're still working on figuring out what works... He refuses to do things when they're on the board, just because they're on the board. So, I'm working on being flexible with him and giving him choices to choose from that I like both or all three of.

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It has helped me as a working mom tremendously, because I don't feel like I'm scrambling and putting out fires all day. I am able to schedule in there some quiet time where they are each in their rooms playing quietly by themselves. This incredible silence gives me time to sit down and return emails, or make phone calls. I'm able to review contracts and give my clients individual, mostly uninterrupted attention, too. When I have time set aside for the boys to play alone, I set a timer and let them know it's being set. That way, they know it isn't an indefinite amount of time and they'll have my attention again in an hour, when the timer goes off.

This also forces me to focus for certain allotted periods of time. If I know I only have an hour, doing dishes or something like laundry while my house is quiet isn't going to be productive. I like to do my "money-producing" activities during those quiet times. If it doesn't have potential to make me any income, I do it while I talk to or play with the boys.

I hope this schedule board helps! Do you have any tips or tricks you use to be productive as a work-at-home parent? Please share any ideas you have in the comments! We'd love to hear them and are always looking for ways to be more efficient!

Let's Journey Together

2016-02-11T11:43:00.001-08:00

I need to write today. I don't know what, and I don't know why. I just know someone needs to hear something I have to say, or maybe I just need to hear something from God and I sometimes only hear what He's saying when I write. So, I will just start and see where He takes it. I hope you don't mind. I just want to be real and honest with you...

Lately, things have been changing, in so many ways. I am finally opening myself up to realizing that it is ok to ask for help. Our 3 year old started preschool and we hired a part-time nanny to help keep things in order, and allow me to breathe for a few hours every week. I has been the most amazing thing we've done since we became parents, I am not going to lie to you.

Since Sam moved in 3 years ago, I've been in denial about the fact that I should ask for help when I need it. Feeling like I should be ok. After all, we prayed to be parents for a very long time. "I'm supposed to love every minute of this, and be better at it," is what I've been telling myself. So, for 3 years, I have just been telling myself that I was doing it all wrong because every second wasn't amazing and blissful.

This is such a lie! I don't know why I let myself believe for 3 years that I was not enough! Being a mother is an honor, and we are so very blessed by the fact that God has allowed us the opportunity to parent these amazing boys! That doesn't mean it is always easy, though, because the path that God puts us on is usually not a cake walk. He allows us to be in situations that glorify Him. What about life being easy glorifies Him? He can only be glorified when we realize that what we do on our own is not enough. By surrounding ourselves with like-minded, like-hearted, and like-spirited individuals, He works in amazing ways! He never intended our lives to be lived in seclusion.

This week we met with a fertility specialist, again. (Because 2 boys under 4, a Jack Russell, and a German Shepherd puppy aren't enough chaos, of course.) It feels different this time. Not because of anything crazy, it's not like "I feel in my spirit that this is it" or anything along those lines. I think it is more because I have peace about where we are, finally. I am not living in stress 24/7. I have finally been able to let go of my unrealistic expectations of myself. I have also been able to get things under control in our house. By allowing myself to ask for help and hire the best nanny/friend a mom could have, I can finally breathe again.

Let off the pressure to do things on your own, whether it be raising children, starting a new business, starting a new ministry, just day-to-day life, or surviving heartbreak. As believers, we are supposed to do life together, support each other, be the village! We are living in the loneliest generation ever, because Pinterest, Facebook, the Internet, and everywhere else we look, people are only showing us the perfect parts of their lives. Do not hold yourself to those standards. We are imperfect people and anyone who tries to convince you they never struggle, well, they are liars.

As we start this fertility journey again, we ask that you be in agreement in prayer with us. But, we also ask that you share your struggles with us, that we can be in agreement with you, as well. We want to be your village. I will keep you updated as things progress, and I so look forward to walking with you on your journeys!

With love!

Mikyhla

Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God. Phil 1:3

2015-10-29T08:10:00.001-07:00

This post is a very emotional one that I have been sitting on for a couple of days. Mostly because when I think about it, I start crying... But also, because I don't want to allow it to shame me or anyone else, or make us feel guilty.

Last week, a dear friend passed away. We went to high school together and he was only 28. I am not able to be there to say final goodbyes and to hug our friends and his family, and this is tearing me up. He was an amazing man, and always knew just how to make everyone else feel better by bringing a smile to their face, or a laugh from their belly. He was one of a kind and I will cherish every memory of him. He bravely served our country, and loved his daughter and his wife dearly. Anyone who ever met him, loved him, it was inevitable.

Because I went to a very small school, where only 12 people were in my graduating class, relationship will always be a massive part of my memories from school. Friendships forged, tears shared, laughs remembered, and so many crazy talks about the deep places of our hearts. I wouldn't trade those memories and bonds for anything. The pain I feel is due to the relationships we were given the unique opportunity to develop.

My regret lies in the after. In a world where we "keep in touch" by following each other's posts and pictures, that level of relationship is being lost. We no longer see the deep places and share the tears... We see the fun and the "perfect" parts of each other's lives, no longer feeling the pain of each other's heartaches and glory of the dreams. We only see what we want others to think or the perception of the joy felt and that is the depth of our superficial connections. My heart yearns for the days of high school when we talked about things we thought we knew, boys, love, futures, dreams, heartbreak.

Our generation thinks we have an advantage because of technology, but really, we are at the greatest disadvantage. We know what life was like before facebook and texting took over our interactions with each other. But, we don't let our hearts remember. We have forgotten that to truly live is to forge bonds of friendship that stand the test of time. Our hearts search for interaction on the screen of our phones or computers and come up short. Where have the heart connections gone? Why does my heart long so deeply for them? Because we were created for relationship. We were created because God wanted fellowship. Put the phone down and talk to Him.

Keenan Wofford, you are dearly and deeply missed, my friend. Thank you for loving everyone and bringing joy to the hearts of everyone you met. In your honor, I will begin to reconnect with people and put down my phone. I will make phone calls and hear people's voices...And, “every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God." Philippians1:3 NLT

Start somewhere, it's your job.

2015-09-15T07:26:00.001-07:00

Friends,

I am insecure. There, I said it. I just wanted to clear the air before I get started because this topic is a sensitive one and I don't want anyone to think it doesn't apply to me. Because, really, I have struggled with this more than I can even put to paper. I want you, before you keep reading, to think about what you're good at. What 1 thing (or 2 or 3 or 4) is it that you know without a doubt that you are good at or unbelievable passionate about? Be thinking about it and we'll come back to that...

I went last week to a convention for the largest essential oils company with 27,000 other people, expecting to learn about earnings potential, marketing, and those types of things. Instead, I came back inspired in every aspect of my life. In my effort to serve as God created me to serve, to live my life to the fullest in every way, to appreciate what I have been blessed with, to create an amazing future for my children by teaching them to serve, and so much more! But, as I got home, I started doubting myself the moment I walked in the door. Because that's how it goes, right? You feel super stoked and pumped up to do something and you feel like a super human who could conquer the world, as long as you are among others who treat you as such. Then, you get home to 2 toddlers who you adore, but they're toddlers. They don't exactly know what it means to encourage you in your call, they just know you feed them and kiss their owies... So, you start wondering if you had it wrong and you really just heard someone else's word.

I'm here to share with you what God told me when I asked Him to continue that work in my heart. 1 Peter 4:7-11 (NLT) says, “The end of the world is coming soon. Therefore, be earnest and disciplined in your prayers. Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay. God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.”

Do you see all of these times when you are told what to do? "Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay." "Use [your gifts] well to serve one another." "Speak as though God himself were speaking through you." "[Help others] with all the strength and energy that God supplies." These are all times when you should hear that God gave you gifts that you are supposed to use for His glory. He loves you and created you for a purpose. He gave you strengths and talents that should be used to draw people to Him. Use them.

By doubting your ability to do what you feel called to do, you are telling Him that He didn't know what He was doing. Do you know that that is disobedience? That is like having a job that you have the tools to do and telling your boss that you can't because the tools aren't the ones you want. Then, you get fired. Don't be afraid that someone is going to think you're arrogant or cocky because you know you're good at something. They're opinion isn't the one that matters. Stay humble and let God lead you and guide you in the best ways to use those gifts. By being disobedient and not allowing Him to speak through you, who is missing out on what He wants to say through you? Who is being short-changed by not hearing about the love and awe He has for them?

If you feel like you have no idea what your gifts are, just start somewhere. He'll show you if you ask Him. Please let me pray for you if you feel like you are lost with no direction. You will not need to follow someone else's path. Don't just go with someone else's dream... What is your passion? What makes you feel like your heart is going to beat out of your chest, or like you're going to cry all the tears in your face? Start there. Are there things that excite you to the point where you can't sleep afterward because you can't stop thinking about how good it made you feel? Find ways to keep doing those things!

I love you!

Until next time,

Mikyhla

As Iron Sharpens Iron

2015-08-10T12:04:00.001-07:00

Happy Monday! I have been praying about this post for a couple days, and trying to find a way to avoid writing it. But, it has been heavy on my heart, so I was praying that God would make it as edifying as possible. I have always struggled in the area of really being friends with other women, until about 4 years ago, when God brought me some absolutely amazing friends. This post comes from that place of hurt, and also from the place of healing and enlightenment. Please read understanding that this is mostly what God has said to me, not about anyone else. :)

In my last post, I talked about how I was realizing how awkward I am. I'd like to reign that statement in a little, it might be too broad. I think the actual truth is that I'm really horrible at small talk, like really bad, guys. I don't like awkward silences so I try to find other things to talk about, but it's usually even more awkward than the silence. So, I take the boys to playdates and kind of hang around and listen and try to find things to talk about, and end up just feeling even more awkward.

It's not because I feel intimidated, really. I mean, if you've ever met me, you know I am not afraid to talk to people, by any means. I'm probably the one who is a bit overwhelming for most people at first. As a matter of fact, when I met my husband the first time, I'm pretty sure he didn't want anything to do with my in-your-face intensity. I have noticed, though, that as you get to know new people, there is a ton of small talk and awkwardness involved... And I am just not a fan.

I need good, hard, heart talks. I want to know you, what God has done for you, find out your goals and dreams, hear about the hard stuff you deal with, and understand your heart. I'm not sure how to get past small talk, ever. I feel like I end up talking more about my family and my life and the things God has planned for us, and then other people don't have much to say... I don't want to monopolize conversations, I want to let you into my world and find like-minded friends. Proverbs 27:17 (NLT) says, "As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." That's the type of friendships I desire, the ones where I'm not afraid to say "I've had a hard day, can I cry?" I also want friends who aren't afraid to say the same to me.

Hebrews 10:24-25 (NLT) says, "Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near." You know what this says to me? There isn't time for shallow and superficial relationships. We need to be building each other up and encouraging one another to guide others to the Kingdom. Helping each other find His heart for us and understanding His love, that we might show it to others. I am posting this verse on my mirror so I can pray to be this type of friend, and to bury these words in my heart. Matt 12:34b (NLT), "...For whatever is in your heart determines what you say."

I pray that I can be a friend who edifies those around me and not be the one people come to for gossip. I also pray that women will find hope in this post. Be friends with each other. Be open and honest about the hard stuff. Being a woman isn't easy as it is, with so many emotions and feelings and such, so be understanding of other women. Being a mom isn't easy, so don't judge other moms whose shortcomings and opinions are simply different from your own. It is so important to know that we don't journey alone. I make a point to be friends with other women who struggle with infertility so that we can talk and have someone who understands the heartache. I also make a point to be friends with pregnant women and women who have lots of kids, because I need to learn to rejoice through the hurt and be thankful for what God is doing in others' lives.

I love you and I'm so thankful for you. Thanks for reading, feel free to share what God has been doing in your life and how He connects you with other people to create meaningful relationships!

Transition Breeds Growth

2015-07-27T09:28:00.001-07:00

Happy newness, my friends!!! As we are getting settled into our new home, new life, new church, and basically new everything, I am realizing a lot of things about myself... I'm also realizing new things about God. We are working on getting plugged in and connected to a great network of believers here in Southern Alabama, and God is doing an excellent job with those connections!

As we connect with people, I am realizing that I may be more awkward than I ever really acknowledged before... So, as we become friends, please realize that I have finally admitted it. Will it change anything? Probably not, but at least I know now... I think I always knew I was a bit awkward, but I am so social that I never really thought about it. As a stay-at-home-mom, I have become more awkward in my adult interactions than ever before! And, I'm perfectly ok with that, I hope you are, too.

But, really, I think that through this revelation, I am seeing even more how much God loves me... He places people in my life who are awkward alongside me, or just don't mind my awkwardness. As we finally feel capable of putting down roots for the first real time in the 6 years that hubby and I have been together (6 years??? What?!?!?!), I am so excited to use the things God has placed inside of me! I am starting to feel the passion bubbling up inside me again, after a very long time of not understanding if God was still calling me to do much...

We had a small groups signup party last night with our new, amazing church, and we were able to connect with people who are like-minded and similar-hearted, and it felt so good! As we were driving home, I was telling hubby all about all the things I feel about my heart for ministry. I can't even figure out exactly what it is I feel called to do, because there are so many things that pluck my heart strings... I'm feeling so many things that He is saying to me and finally feeling passionate about life again and looking forward to making a difference in lives. How that difference will be made, and in what arena, I don't yet know... But, I do know that it starts here, with my writing, and in the Word and through my prayer and time with Him. I am excited to share this journey with you as He walks me through it and gives me clarity!

I cannot believe that we are really here, in this amazing, crazy life! 6 years ago we met, now we have 2 amazing children who we adore, a super sweet puppy, and we just purchased our first home in a place we are meant to be for a long time... I am so happy in the midst of this chaos and I am so pleased that you are sharing in this new adventure with me!!!

Until next time,

Mikyhla

Thoughts on moving....

2015-05-21T08:57:00.001-07:00

We are officially 30 days out from our move to Alabama from Arizona!!! I can't believe it's really happening! There are so many emotions and so many things I should be doing that don't involve sitting here, writing to you... But, I really just need to write it all out! :)

The first and foremost thing is gratitude! We are beyond thrilled to be going somewhere so beautiful, close to the ocean, where people are kind... We are buying an amazing house in a family-friendly neighborhood. And there is no lack of evidence that God orchestrated it all. We can't believe that we never considered living in Southern Alabama before because we are so in love with it!!!! But, God knows our hearts and needs and plans things better than we could even pretend to dream of!

The second is that I am losing my mind! Moving across the country with 2 high-energy toddlers is proving to be a bit more exhausting that I expected... I knew it would be trying, but, wow.... I am working on trying to be more compassionate and respectful of 3 year old Sam's feelings. We have been selling stuff and purging as we pack. This weekend, several people came over to purchase things such as our dresser and nightstand, and Sam's dresser and nightstand.... We kind of went over what was going on and then didn't really talk about it anymore because he seemed ok. Well, yesterday someone from a moving company came to get us a quote and we were standing in Sam's room talking. Sam ran around the corner and screamed, "Don't take my bed!" He was so sure that this strange man with the glasses was here to take more of his stuff! Needless to say, I felt (and still feel) horrible.... We've been working on more conversations with him about moving to "Alagrama" as he calls it. The good news is, 16 month old Noah is unbelievably content, as long as he isn't being contained or put down to sleep. ;)

The last is sadness... We are definitely not even close to sad about leaving the desert, by any means. But, there are many people we wish would just come with us. We have made many friends, and people have become like family because we don't have any close. This is going to be very emotional as we forge new friendships, never forgetting the ones we never thought we'd make. We moved to AZ 4 and a half years ago with the anticipation of not putting down roots and getting out as soon as possibe, with no children until we did. hahaha. Yeah, God laughed, we know.... Through our process of adopting 2 children and being married for 5 years, we gained so many heart connection friends... Please come visit us... Help us maintain these friendships. It is so hard to maintain friendships with children, even in close proximity geographically. We need you to continue conversations, and check in on us every now and then as we get settled. We love you all and we really will miss you, even if it seems our excitement for the new outweighs the emotional...

I try to make my posts be geared toward growing and knowing God better, and finding yourself in Him... Today, I just want to say that I appreciate my audience and I love you. Thank you for giving me this outlet to get it all on the table. :)

His plan is better than good!

2015-04-20T09:20:00.001-07:00

Another Monday, the middle of April already! What?!?!?! How did it get to be so far into 2015?? What have you accomplished this year? What have you set out to accomplish this year? Did you set some goals at the beginning of the year and then forget about them, or decide they were too hard? Write them down! Remember the dreams God gave you! Don't give up. He gives you dreams and desires, you just have to find motivation to reach them!

I have been working through some training for my essential oils business that discusses how to set and achieve goals. The speaker talked about the first step being to figure out and name your specific desired outcome. Pick the results you are reaching for, then and only then, you can set up a plan for reaching that goal. Sometimes the plan you put in place won't work; write it in pencil because that's ok. The only part that is really important is that you keep your desired outcome in mind and do whatever it takes to achieve it! That goal must be set in stone, but the journey doesn't have to be!

I say this because God has set a path before you and a dream to reach. He lets you figure out the path, to an extent, but my family is learning that the path may not be exactly what you picture it to be. Be open to other paths to result, God may have a detour for you or a "longcut" that will allow you to minister to more people or grow more in preparation. Sometimes we just need to be open to what He is saying to us, more than what we think He wants from us.

Just this morning, hubby and I were talking about how different God's plan looks sometimes. I reminded him that neither of us thought we'd end up with people like each other... We prayed and God answered our prayers and we are perfect for each other and exactly what the other needed. But I thought I'd end up with someone completely different from him. But, all the things on my list of what I wanted in a man that I prayed specifically for? My husband completes every single one of them, and so much more! Just not how I pictured it, and I am 100% ok with that, because if I had picked my husband, it would not have been so great. ;)

Please be praying for specifics, but don't forget that God's plan is better. Don't be closed minded about the ways He is going to do it, because he WILL surprise you if you let Him, I promise! Just remember to maintain your relationship with Him and let Him be your tourguide on the adventure He has laid out for you! Share your stories with me, and let me know how different His plan was for your life than your own and how great it ended up! I love testimonies that help other people see that He is good! :)

Love you all so much!!

Mikyhla

Not another Monday

2015-04-06T10:33:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was Easter and today feels just like another Monday... How is it that we can have a day like Easter, where we celebrate that He is Risen and we are redeemed because of the blood He shed and how He loves us and then the next day, we wake up and dread the day? Whatever comes at us, we should be able to face because we know we aren't facing it alone. The battle has been fought, and that same battle has already been won.

We may not always be able to see the victory, but stepping out and believing that God has done as He promised is your side of the battle. In the wait, we should be embracing every moment and finding ways to praise when we can't see. Even if the only praise we have is that He saved us. Our praises for our family are so vast that I can't see the storm when I focus on them, but sometimes I forget the things He has done for us... When I wake up to the screaming and whining of our 3 year old, I forget the story that led to him being ours, or when our 1 year old is learning to push buttons and laughs when I get onto him, I forget that his story is also such a beautiful one.

I am working on remembering the things God has done, and it helps me remember that He can and will do more amazing things in our lives. The way our story has played out thus far could not be anything but God. This reminds me that it's going to be better than great, whatever He is doing. Therefore, this post-Easter Monday, I urge you to remember yesterday's celebration and all the celebrations before, and begin this week with praise and thanksgiving. He might just surprise you. :)

Revelations of love

2015-03-12T21:31:00.001-07:00

I have been pondering all day what I wanted to post about because I really want to be intentional about posting at least once a week. I couldn't really come up with anything. But, then a couple things happened today that really did it. It isn't going to be a long, profound post, I am just going to share my heart and hope that someone reads this and gets something out of it.

I told you before that I've been reading through Jennie Allen's Restless study about finding your passions and seeking God's will for them. Well, in my fervor to seek God, I started praying that my husband and I would have goals together because I want nothing more than to minister alongside my better half... Well, God took me down a couple notches this week, in an amazing way.

We have always had a very great relationship, your cliché best-friend-spouse, don't want to spend time away from each other, mushy relationship. ;) And you know what? I absolutely love it! I love when people tell me they are getting married because being married is by far my favorite thing in life, only topped by my relationship with the Lord.

Today I was reminded just how much our relationship means to my husband, as I saw a post about when we first got Sam. He had told one of our friends when we started the process towards adoption, "Adoption is my wife's life long dream, so how could it not become my dream with the love I have for my wife?" That, my friends, is an amazing husband... We will be celebrating our 5th anniversary of marriage in May and I am still completely and utterly blown away by the love this man has for me. Reading that post from 2 years ago made me cry because he is still so amazingly and fully devoted to our family... I was then on the phone with him tonight, as he is out of town for work, and he told me a few different things and I was again reminded of the amazing heart he has for those around him. I cried again when we got off the phone because I can't believe how blessed I am to be loved by such an amazing, genuine, caring man.

I say all this to say that our ministry is, and always has been our relationship with each other. We knew from the beginning that God wanted to use us as a couple to bring families and couples together and show them how amazing a relationship can be when God comes first. I lost sight of that part in the chaos of being parents to 2 boys under 3, but I was reminded today. After praying for 2 weeks for God to show me how I can minister with my husband, He showed me exactly what I've known all along. Our heart is to have a large house where we can have people over and speak into their lives, and I am so excited that that dream will be coming to fruition soon...

Sorry if this is a bit of a harder-to-follow post, it feels a little bit more of a journal in that I just needed to express this amazing revelation and overwhelming love I have for the man God gave me. :) Thank you for reading!

The tough stuff

2015-03-02T08:05:00.001-08:00

Sometimes we find ourselves in not-so-pleasant seasons, or not-so-pleasant places in our lives. These places are difficult, monotonous, bland, boring, lonely, or just plain ridiculous. Sometimes they can be all of these things, and more. What do we do during these seasons? Do we let them tear us down and discourage us, or do we let them build us up and make us better? There are so many times that we want to throw in the towel and let the circumstances overtake us. Don't. Just don't. We may not see it, but there are amazing things waiting on the other side of the season.

I know this is cliché and overdone, but I am going to tell you more of our story. I want you to see the reality of the greatness of God during struggles. Hearing Bible stories is amazing and encouraging, but to know real people with real stories that speak to God's faitfulness, is even more so. And, quite frankly, sharing the things God has done for us encourages me in times when it's harder to see what He's doing. It reminds me that He does love me, even in the rough stuff. I've been reading Restless by Jennie Allen, and she keeps talking about how our suffering can guide us to God's purposes. I fully believe this is valid, and the following story shows that God is faithful in using us...

As many of you know, or have read in previous posts, we have not been able to get pregnant. It is coming up on 4 years of struggling with infertility, miscarriages, and overall heartbreak. The beautiful thing is, that's not where our parenthood story ends. We adopted an 8 month old little boy in January of 2013, Samuel Jeffrey. He is brilliant, witty, looks just like my husband, and lights up any room. We adopted him through foster care, and were able to have one of the smoothest adoptions anyone working on our case had ever seen. It was an amazing testament to God's faithfulness through our heartache!

A year later, we started fertility treatments again, ready for another. They were too hard for me, they made me a wreck, and Sam was now almost 2... Anyone with children can tell you that it's not safe to be borderline psychotic (not an exaggeration) when you have a child entering the "terrific two's." I had a very early miscarriage following one of my treatments, then we tried again a month later. I remember calling my husband from the car in tears and telling him "If we don't get pregnant during this round, we're adopting again. I can't stand feeling this way." He agreed.

I told one person we were considering adopting again, my very dear friend, Rhonda. We didn't tell our parents, or anyone else. I think we were tired of hearing the "just stop trying, it will happen," or the famous "it's all God's timing, you'll get pregnant when He's ready." Long story short, we went a baseball game to watch Rhonda's son play, and she introduced us to a foster family. They had a couple of adorable boys... One of them was 3 month old Noah, and they were trying to decide if they were going to adopt him. We continued going to games, and getting to know this sweet baby and we started fighting, along with his foster family, for him to be ours. During the process to get him into our home, we had another miscarriage. It was devastating, but we realized we were doing exactly what God had planned for growing our family.

3 months later, Noah moved in with us, and 5 months after that, just last month, he became Noah Alexander Dice. He is one of the cutest kids I've ever seen. He is hilarious, and smart, and looks like Sam. He has become another amazing chapter in our story that has proven that God has our hearts in His hands, and knows what we need. Everyone always tells us that our boys look just like us, and it's one of my favorite things to hear.

I say all of this to tell you, God knows. He knows your heart's desires. He knows your passions. He knows your dreams. Who do you think gave them to you? I know it's hard, trust me. A lot of tears have come from my heart to God over not being able to become a mommy. Sometimes, I still cry for hours wondering if I'll ever experience the flutters of a baby in my belly, or the bond of breastfeeding. But, then I see my boys and hear their giggles and I remember that God loves me. He has my future in mind, and whatever it is will be amazing. Take heart, sweet friend, and know that the other side isn't necessarily easier, but it will be so much better!!

New Seasons

2015-02-19T19:02:00.001-08:00

I am so excited to enter a new season of productivity, ministry, motivation, and relationship. I am not entirely sure what it all means or will look like, but I know that God is moving and changing my heart. He is reminding me of all the things He has called me to do, and moving me in directions I had forgotten.

Over the last 2 years, we have adopted 2 brilliant, amazing boys. The oldest is going to be 3 in May and the second just turned 1 in January. Our second adoption was finalized at the beginning of February. I will share more about the story of growing our family God's way in another post. :) They have been such a blessing and changed everything about our life together. We have been so blessed by them and their amazing personalities and joy, and we are beyond thrilled to be their parents. God really knows what He's doing, as far as timing goes...

But, now that we have settled in as parents to 2 children under 3, it is time to remember who I am in the Kingdom. People keep telling me that becoming the mother to 2 children who needed homes and a family means that I am fulfilling my purpose and ministry, but I long for more. Not that being their mother isn't enough for me, just that I know there is more that I have been called to do. I have felt a restlessness and longing for more. Psalm 37:4 (NLT) says "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires." I'm pretty sure I've written about this before, but I want to reiterate that I firmly believe that if you are taking delight in the Lord, He drops desires in your heart that line up with His will for you. It doesn't mean that you should believe that He will give you anything you ask for, ever. Anyway, I say that to say that I know my desire to do more isn't simply because I'm bored. If that were the case, I would be longing for vacations and trips to foreign lands (which is also the case...), but I feel a desire to create an adventure with the Lord. I mostly long to minister to young people who feel like they have become someone they don't know anymore, or just who want to strengthen their relationship and understand God's purpose in their lives. I want to help them find themselves and realize their worth. This blog is going to become about my journey toward realizing how God wants to make this happen, and the thoughts I feel should be shared.

Please comment with the ways you feel God pulling you, or the restlessness you may feel. I am also working on writing a book about realizing your worth, regardless of how far you've wandered, and I'd love input about how you feel you've wandered, or how you feel you've rediscovered your relationship with the Lord... :) I would love to develop a relationship with my readers, in order to better share and minister to you, as well.

Parenting craziness :)

2013-06-24T13:42:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! Things have been absolutely insane and AMAZING over the last 5 months! Our son moved in January 29th, he was 8 and a half months old and adorable! He turned 1 in May and we have so enjoyed being parents! Well... mostly enjoyed being parents... haha. Adjusting to parenthood is hard, especially when helping a child adjust to a new home and family... We have had some crazy, difficult attachment and separation issues, but not ever considered going back to how things were. There have been times, now that he is learning to have an opinion, when I cried (alot) because I didn't know what to do. But, I have never thought about Samuel as "someone else's child" or been resentful or regretful that we brought him into our home.... I have questioned my sanity or my ability to be a mother, but I think that is normal when we forget to let God do the parenting through us... :) I was recently asked to to share something I had posted along these lines on my facebook page for a friend, so here it is:

This is a blog post titled "To parents of small children: Let me be the one who says it out loud," a post about loving our small children, but being exhausted in every sense of the word. I posted it a few days ago, but my son has started throwing tantrums and refusing to sleep... I have read this like 8 times this week and cried every time. I keep trying to remind myself I'm not a bad mother just because I'm hormonal and want to cry constantly. I will say that if I hear "enjoy this time with him," a sarcastic "welcome to motherhood," or "you'll miss this season of your son's life" again, I will have to not be friends with whoever you are until this season is over. I'm glad you who are parents are passed this and don't remember how awful it is, but I can't wait until we get passed it and I'm missing the good things about this age and forgetting the tears I've cried everyday this week because I refuse to let my child run over me....
I love my son desperately and wouldn't trade him for the world, but I'll really like him more when he starts sleeping again and stops screaming at me....
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/blackberry/p.html?id=3209305

I say all of this to let everyone know that it is ok to be transparent... Not everyone has easy children, not everyone has an easy time being patient all the time, and not everyone has it easy.... I love my son more than I ever thought possible and I am so grateful for him! Sometimes, it is the biggest things God gives us that are the hardest to be thankful for... I also want to say that, if you are married and having a hard time getting pregnant, please take time to appreciate your spouse... We have had a hard time becoming parents and all we wanted for so long was that, and now we realize that we didn't appreciate each other enough... PLEASE ENJOY EVERY MOMENT! I know that is a dumb thing to say, because I was there, too. But I now wish that I had listened when I heard it before. If you have children, make your spouse your priority, it is vital for your child's future that they see you loving your spouse. :)

Life is beautiful!!

2013-03-13T12:12:00.001-07:00

My life is now full of poo, throw-up, tears, and tantrums... But that is totally outweighed by the smiles, giggles, snuggles, and slobbery kisses! I am so loving being a mom, even on the days that I am overwhelmed to tears... ;) The process of adopting this sweet ball of crazy joy has been such an eye- and heart-opening gift for us. I am honored that we would be chosen to be this boy's parents, and amazed at how God is already using him, even at 10 months of age. We have been able to share our story with so many people and minister to them in the process, all because of the joy people see in his eyes! I don't have a lot to say today, but I just know that having an amazing man doing life with me has been one of those things I know God gave me so that we can be a "power couple" and follow His path together!! Now, we get to be a "power family" because we are walking out His will for all of us through this!

God shows us His love for us in the most amazing, unexpected ways, and loving this child as my own has shown me a little more about how much the Father loves us! Romans 9:8 (ESV) says "This means that it is not the children of the flesh who are the children of God, but the children of the promise are counted as offspring." Such a fitting scripture for how He accepts us according to the Promises and adopts us.... This child is our child of promise, the one that has become our answer to prayer, and he counted as our offspring now. Remember that no matter where you are in life, when you become His child, you are always His child and He loves you dearly. :)

Samuel Jeffrey

2013-01-12T08:28:00.000-08:00

Samuel means God answered our prayers. Jeffery means God's divine peace. This is what we are naming our son. The name he was given at birth means "terror, or god of fear" and there is no way we will speak that over him.When we got word that this boy was available and found out his name was Deimas, I immediately looked up what it meant. We were calling him Baby D at first because we didn't like what his name meant and our last name starts with D, too. We just kept praying about what his name should be. When we had been trying to get pregnant for about 6 months, we decided when we did, if it was a boy, his name would be Samuel. We had been praying for a child and it was getting pretty emotional and hard to have faith... I wasn't thinking about naming our adopted son Samuel, I just wasn't really putting the pieces together. :)

Then I was looking through a jewelry catalog and saw a necklace that simply said 1 Samuel 1:27 on it. I looked it up in the New Living Translation, which says "I asked the Lord to give me this boy, and He has granted my request." I don't think it could have been more clear to me that this was that child. We hadn't been approved yet, we didn't even know how the process of changing his name worked yet, we just both agreed that Samuel was his name. We started speaking that verse over our lives and every time we said his name we were claiming that God had answered our prayers.

We don't know what his middle name is right now, but I knew it needed to be something that means peace. There are so many stories of redemption and deliverance in the Bible that involve God changing someone's name to something that spoke over them a fulfilled purpose. I prayed about it for a week, then looked at a baby name website where you can put in what you want your baby's name to mean and it lists the names that mean anything close. I simply entered the word 'peace' There were some weird names, then I saw Geoffrey, and I knew. We prefer Jeffery as the spelling, but the meaning is the same, God's divine peace.

I hadn't really thought about it, but one of my best friends said that she loved that we were part of Christ's redemption story for this baby. At that moment, it became clear that all of our heartache and tears were for a reason, to love this child and raise him as God's. I've cried many tears of joy over being chosen for this amazing role as this child's mother, and I know that we would never have made the decisions leading up to this if we hadn't gone through the trials of temporary infertility.

Through this, I hope you understand that God's plan may not make sense, and we may want to give up sometimes. But giving up on what He has at the end of that particular trial may be giving up on being someone else's path to the Savior...

Declare it!!

2013-01-04T15:03:00.002-08:00

Hey, I know it's been a while since I've written... and, quite frankly, I'm ashamed of the reasons. I am learning that I should share, even when I am struggling to find the positive. I should be sharing our story as we go, because we learn and grow through the tough times, not just when things are good. I am constantly having to regain perspective and remind myself that I am not in control... I am also having to remind myself to relinquish control because, even though it is just as hard every time, God's plans always work better!

My newest life nugget is about declaring God's plans and promises for our lives, instead of constantly asking Him to do things for us... My husband and I have been reading Relentless by John Bevere, a book about praying without ceasing, and having courage and being unstoppable. In this book, he discusses Ephesians 1:19-20, "I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty powerthat raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms." This means that we have been given the same power through Christ, meaning it has already been given. This leads me to my story.

As you know, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for about a year and a half. About 6 months ago, we began this adventure of adoption, because we really felt God was leading us down this road for the current place we're in... We prayed and took classes and prepared for a little boy who is 6 years old, only to find out that he was going to live with family in another state. This led us to the realization that our hearts had been opened to a child we didn't birth, and had no idea who they would be... So we continued our adventure, not knowing where it would lead... We tried to submit our information for a 2 year old little boy, only to find out we had waited 1 day too late to decide to pursue other options. Then we had to opportunity to submit our paperwork for a sibling group with a 5 year old girl and 7 month old boy, or a 1 year old Asian girl who sounded amazing. We are not set up for more than one child in our current home, so the 2 were not an option. I wanted to say yes to the little girl, and in my haste was upset when my husband said no. He told me, he really felt like it was going to be a little boy. After being very upset with him for a couple days, I remembered all the times his discernment has won over my pride and lack of logic...

The way it works is that if you submit your information to be considered for a child, you are not allowed to try for another until you have been officially denied. The process usually takes 2-3 weeks. So, about a week and a half after fighting with my husband because I desperately wanted to say yes to the 1 year old girl, we got a phone call from our worker at the adoption agency. She said she had a 7 month old little boy who was perfectly healthy and happy, with no ties to biological family. We submitted our information about an hour after she had received the email. We prayed and declared him as our son for 3 weeks, not wavering in our words, and not really saying, "please God give us this child." Just thanking him for our son and declaring 1 Samuel 1:27 over him: "I asked the Lord to give me this boy, and he has granted my request." 3 and a half weeks later, we got the phone call that this child is going to be ours!!!!!!!! He will be in our house by the beginning of February. We have yet to meet him, but we have perfect peace that this was God's plan all along!

The moral of the story is that God has already granted us authority, and He has a divine plan for us, we just have to accept that we are His children. We have to claim what is already ours, and stop just timidly asking for things. :)
Next week I will share about our son's name and the awesomeness that is God's love and redemption!

The Lord will go before you!

2012-09-30T16:08:00.000-07:00

I love that I get to share things in this way! God has really blessed us, and I am very proud of how far we've come! Things are not always perfect, but we have learned that the best way to handle things is by letting God be in charge. To "be still and know that I am God" is the hardest, yet most rewarding aspect of life. We are waiting on so many things to happen right now and get so impatient some days, but we have learned through experience that His timing is best! God is constantly doing things that we cannot see, and just like children trust their parents to take care of them, we are trusting Him to work on our behalf.

I will close with a Bible verse that I feel describes what we are believing for right now, that God is going before us to fight for us! Deuteronomy 31:6 (NLT) says "So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you."

He wants to say YES!

2012-09-20T18:34:00.001-07:00

Well, I am trying to get better about posting regularly and absolutely loving seeing all the views on my page! Thanks so much for reading! :)

So, it has been on my heart to just tell you, whoever you may be, that God loves you and sent His Son to die for you, 2,000 years ago! We are His children, and He loves us! It is so important to remember that, as His children we have favor. He wants to say YES to us! Psalms 84:11 in the New Living Translation says: "For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right." To me this says that He will never say no to us if we are doing the right thing.
We have been going through the adoption process and every time I question if we are making the right choice, I ask God for something to hold onto, a confirmation. And every time, when I ask Him to hold me up and give me faith, He does something amazing! Sometimes it's small, but it is always exactly what I need to get me through the week... Just be aware that He loves us and His timing may be different than ours, but He has our future in mind. I know that my parents always had my best interest at heart when they made me wait for things, or took things away when I got in trouble... I did not realize it until I was about 24, but I see it now. They also made sure we were always taken care of, fed, clothed, and happy. Just as our human parents love us and want what is best for us, our Heavenly Father will not ever leave us wanting because He loves us so much that He sacrificed His Son for our eternal well-being! :)

New Journeys

2012-09-13T18:24:00.000-07:00

So, many of you may have figured it out already, but we are going to have a child.... not by birth yet, but our first child will be adopted. We have been going through the process to adopt a child through the foster care system, taking classes, filling out paperwork, completing our homestudy, filling out more paperwork, and praying, praying, praying!We realized, yet again, that God has a huge plan that we have no idea how amazing it will be! After lots of prayer and discussion, God changing hearts, and praying some more, there is no doubt that this is where our life is supposed to go right now. We may have a child already chosen, we may not, just waiting on God for that right now...

It is so vital to listen to His voice, and so many times we try to tell Him what His plan for our life is. (He laughs...) Jeremiah 29:11-14 in the New Living Translation says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.” " So many times we read the first verse of this passage and leave it at that, and because we have read it so many times, it becomes meaningless. But He wants us to seek Him wholeheartedly and to remember that He will do amazing things in our lives. Instead of telling Him what we think His plan should be, we must seek Him and let Him guide us to His so-much-better-than-our plan! So, here we are, relinquishing the rights to our own journey guide to the ultimate Guide and relishing every moment!!!

Delighting in the Lord!! :)

2012-07-26T09:28:00.002-07:00

Well, we have some super exciting things going on in our life right now, and some that are not so exciting... but we are learning more about trusting God and letting His plan play out instead of trying to tell Him what that plan consists of... It is not time to share just what these things are yet, because we are waiting on His final word and wisdom, but I can tell you that you will be stoked when we tell you!! (We are not pregnant yet, and we are not moving yet, before anyone gets their hopes up, sorry)... I just wanted to share a quick note about how God works... I read in a book that God will use you when you are in motion, He can't do anything with a parked car. So, following your heart and the passions He has given you will ultimately put you on the path He has for you, where He can use you for all He created you for. With that being said, for months, we have been praying for certain things to happen, and just sitting around waiting... But we finally prayed about it in a way that led us to start acting on what He was saying, instead of just telling Him what we felt He was saying... And now, He is moving us towards some amazing things!

Psalm 37:4-5 in the New Living Translation says: "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you." Instead of asking for what you think you want, give it to God, because sometimes we misinterpret the desires He has placed in our hearts. Don't pass up the blessings that God has for you simply because you are set on something you THINK He wants for your life. My husband, for instance, is my opposite. I had been praying for years for someone who held all the qualities my husband does, but looking for someone just like me. Not the way that works, by the way.... So, when I finally told God I was ready for my husband, whoever He had for me, and started praying and looking for the same things, I found this man who was handsome, adoring, and Godly. So, your heart and your head need to be lined up with God's plan and will for your life... Sometimes, all it takes is a perspective adjustment. :)

Make Life Better!

2012-06-25T15:49:00.002-07:00

So, this will be short, because I am supposed to be writing a paper and taking a test, but it has just been on my heart to share some things.
The first thing being that our attitude changes everything. Our church did a baptism on Father's Day for the whole congregation. The understanding is usually that baptism is for new believers or never-baptized believers. Our pastor shared that God told him we all needed to come to the waters of baptism, so he made it happen. It was amazing! My husband and I were baptized together, but we seriously prayed about and discussed it for a few days before. We went to the water with the anticipation for change, in our bodies, our attitudes, and especially our spirits. We prayed that our old selves and mindsets would be left in the water, and we would come up more like Christ. I'm going to be honest: the Devil doesn't much appreciate these types of declarations. This led to an attack that afternoon on our marriage, and a very discouraging meeting for him at work the next morning. We have noticed, though, that even though things are coming against us, we are allowing God to inhabit our thoughts instead of letting these situations bring us down. It's not always easy, but life is BETTER when He is in control of our thought life.
The next thing I would like to share is that I am so excited to be married to a man who allows our home to run in this way. He is great about keeping me in check when I start saying things I shouldn't, but he is also very adamant about telling me to keep him in check. Because we're opposites, this works out fantastically, because we see everything different, and there is always one of us that is able to maintain perspective. I am very excited about what this means for our marriage, and our future together. We are giving things to God instead of trying to control them ourselves, getting pregnant for example. We are taking this month to gain perspective on what God has for us, and remembering to enjoy our marriage before we have children to change the dynamic.
So, I say all that to encourage those of you who need more. Let Him be in charge of your thought life, it takes alot of self-control to consciously give Him control, but life is so much better when you're positive about it. We are reading the book Who Switched Off My Brain? by Dr. Caroline Leaf and it is an excellent tool in learning how our thought processes affect every aspect of our life, down to our physical health. I recommend this to anyone, optimist, pessimist, or in between. :)
So much for being short... hehe

His Blood Was Shed With Purpose

2012-05-21T12:05:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone! Excited to be back and communicating again! :)

I’m going to start by saying that I haven’t really shared this story a whole lot because it is a very hard subject for me, and I try to avoid specific personal details. But, I really feel this is something I should share.

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a year now, and every month it gets more emotional and depressing. You hear about other women or teenage girls having babies, or mothers who kill or hurt their children, and it breaks you every time. I always try to hold off on the tears because I keep telling myself that God’s timing will be perfect, but the tears always come. I always feel so disappointed with myself for letting the sadness get the best of me. I know that I am being selfish when I cry at others’ baby announcements, and I think I beat myself up about that, making my sadness even worse. Really what I should be doing, is thanking God for giving me this strong desire to be a mother. He gives us the desires of our hearts, according to His purpose. I know that our desire for a child is something He placed inside of us.

I have been praying for many months for God to answer our prayers and allow me to bear a child. Then we were sent to a fertility specialist who told me that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). This is caused by an insulin resistance, which causes my ovaries to not function the way they are supposed to. This also means that I am no longer allowed to eat sugar, bread, most fruits, fruit juices, pastas, rice, etc., and I also have to work out or exercise at least 30 minutes to an hour every day. I accepted this as God’s answer to my prayer, because I figured that if He just wanted to let me have place to start, I would be on the path to being healthy and getting pregnant. This is not ok.

To allow the devil to convince you that having to suffer with an illness or any other burden for the rest of your life is not what God wants. The doctor has told me that this is a problem I will have to monitor the rest of my life, or risk developing diabetes. I will not accept that. Jesus died on the cross and shed His blood so we do not have to accept the world’s report. I am claiming healing and fertility, and I want you to know that settling for a partial answer is not His will for your life. I posted previously about God’s desire to give us abundant life, and I know that we need to claim it! He doesn’t just offer it, we have to receive it! By just allowing our contentedness to take us from place to place, comfort zone to comfort zone, we are implying that Jesus' blood was shed for no reason. We have to allow His blood to be our purpose. We are not meant to live day to day meaninglessly. By allowing His Word to shine through us, and allowing our stories to speak exclusively of His love for us; we let His blood have meaning.We are His highly favored children, and He does not want to see us in pain. He just wants us to come to Him and allow Him to do His part. We cannot conquer without our King.

Back in the saddle...

2012-05-15T16:29:00.001-07:00

Hey! It's been a long time since I've shared my heart... Since we moved, I've been busy, and had lots of ups and downs. But it has been on my heart lately to start writing again. I'm excited because I'm about to start working on my book, and this seems to help me stream my thoughts better. :) This is just a post to let you know I'm back and God has some great words coming for you! Thanks for reading!

Passion for Purpose!

2010-12-30T15:33:00.001-08:00

Hey, sorry it's been so long since my last post! Our move was great, and now we are all settled into our new home! God is doing great things, and we are excited to be where He wants us!! I hope everyone's Christmas was great, spending time with family, eating lots of great food, opening presents, but most of all, celebrating the birth of our Savior!!! Now that I have some time, I want to share with you about how to use what God has given you, passion!

Psalm 37:3-5 (NLT) says, "Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you."

Many people use this verse saying "He will give you your heart's desires." They omit all the other parts. I believe this does not mean that whatever we want, He will provide. To me, this verse says that the desires of our hearts come from Him. If we use these desires to do His work, He will help make them happen! We all have been given a heart for something, a passion. He placed these desires and passions there for His work. We have been given different desires because the world needs different things.

It is time to stand up and use what He has given you. His desires are that we use our passions and our gifts to speak for Him and minister to others. Some people may have a passion for those in prison; some have a passion for catching people who should be in prison. My passions include neglected and abused children, and recently I have developed a heart for girls and women who settle for less than what God has purposed for them. I write this blog and am writing a book for the latter of those, and am working toward a career helping and loving those children who just need to know they are loved. We all have different purposes, but our passions are directly related to those. So use them.

Romans 9:21, "Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use?" This is proof that our different purposes are individual, and useful. Resolve to realize God's purpose for you by allowing yourself to become acquainted with the passions in your heart.

To the left, there is a link to a site called Rescue Her. This is an organization created by Josie Carignan, a family friend, who is a wife and mother of three. Her passion includes helping those who are victims of human trafficking. She has partnered with some organizations who help and house those affected. She sells coffee, apparel, and jewelry, with proceeds going to these organizations. Click the picture link to read her story, and how her passion developed into a way to take action.

Please put your heart's desires into action as 2011 begins! Even if it means volunteering with an organization to start, it does not have to begin in a big way, just one heart at a time.