From Nuisance to New Sense

MANAGEMENT LESSON-2

2011-11-27T06:28:00.000+05:30

After the lesson number 1, here comes the Lesson Number Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull "I would love to be
able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey,"but I haven't got the energy."Well, why don't
you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."The turkey pecked at a
lump of dung and found that it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was
proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was
promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out
of the tree.

Moral of the story : "Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there."

Avoid Bullshit

ITALIAN...GO THINK ONCE MORE..

2011-11-20T07:16:00.003+05:30

Bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting in front of them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses cum together. I cum once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I cum again and pee twice. Then I cum one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

MANAGEMENT LESSON-1

2010-05-13T07:27:00.000+05:30

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A
small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also
sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow
answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the
ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a
fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you
must be sitting very, very high up.....

Mechanical RoCKS....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-18T15:21:00.001+05:30

A mathematician, a physicist, and a mechanical engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the
volume.
The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.

The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total
displacement.

The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.

that's we....MECHANICAL....

There is a glass half full of water:
For a Mathematician: the glass is half full...
For a Physicist: the glass is half empty
but for a mechanical Engineer: the glass is too big!!!!

An old saying is there...
OLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they just re-crystallize
OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever
OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties
OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded
OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact

and last but not the least...
OLD MECHIE never die, they just lose their bearings....

Dhaaboo: I DETEST U !!!!!

2010-02-09T06:51:00.001+05:30

There was a teacher i my school. He used to teach us chemistry. We were fed up from him. here are some funny English which he used to speak.

1. Daily in tuition Dhabu used to ask his nephew Ashish for warm water as he was
always drinking warm water and he was saying
"ASHISH GARAM PAANI KO THANDA KARKE LAO" for max fun please add nasal tone.

2.Dhaboo’s daughters
We in class once asked about dhaboo's family
he said,"me ha ha ha, i have 2 daughters but both are girls".

3.yaah dhaabu
once he came to our class and said "those who want to take part in skit comp. STAND UP UR HANDS" and of course some did.

4.gave his first evr demo class2us historical..
we messed wid sm salts n had an xplosion in d chem lab..next day he reprimanded us sayin.." Dnt think i dnt kno those students..their image is in my retina"...we laughed our hearts out...aftr so mmany years also cnt forget chem classes

later on i'll publish some more

3 Friends- 1 genius, 1 joker, 1 clown

2009-12-17T13:23:00.004+05:30

Nitin – Nationalist Intelligent Talented Interesting Nous

Never been interested in engineering, chose mechanical

Baffled from the career, left the nautical

Screwed on the first day knowing hostel is vegetarian,

Changed so many school coz i’m a non-vegetarian

Depressed from life, decided to commit suicide instead of being in grieves

Changed the ideas, seeing your positive believes

Despite sitting your next, Never ever talked to you freely

Not having control over self, Worrying to lose you eternally

You helped me all the time

Couldn’t pay you in return coz I’ve no regime

I marked your each word and followed that

I got good marks, you saw that.

You are the most intelligent in my circle and ready to help

Not like selfish nerd who is buried in himself

You never leave a chance to jeer at me, but I don’t bother

Coz I love your grin and although you are always for my care

I never complained ‘bout you, not that I am not bold

But the thing is that, I love the attitude you hold

I really appreciate the way you think

It seems everybody in the class gets shrink

Changed many schools and seen many friends

But you are the one whom I can’t forget till the end.

I am sure you’ll go to the apex height

And I pray for your future to be bright

Anupam: Antique Neutral Unputdownable Awesome Mutinous

I still remember the day you got

I use to cry and you use to comfort

The guy who made us friend has gone far away

May be he didn’t like the prank we use to play...

People say same mentality guys get together,

We proved them wrong, Being SciTech student we never bother

We are same & we are different

Same in the context, we are youngest in family and lefty by birth

Different in the situation that I always think of eating and you are down-to-earth,

I never speak to gals and you never leave even the single lady of the class

I have a low pitch and you possess a heavy bass....

You love “AKON”, and I like Rehman

You are crazy for fish & I go nuts for Mutton....

You love the “Hollywood” but I enjoy “Tollywood”

But still we are together and live under same hood...

When you talk of “Pearl Harbour”

I think only of Idli, Dosa & Sambhar....

Due to you I got many new friends

Sagar, Sandy, GP & Kavi are some of those blends....

I can never forget the way we tease Suri and Baba

Also can’t forget the happiness, sorrow & chicken at Dhaba...

We did fight , we did quarrel

But after few days we laugh together as we are the bullets of same barrel....

I adore your attitude,

I also know you are a cool dude...

I bet one day,You gonna rock and you gonna rap

At your beat various feet will tap

I could be good chef or a good designer

But these guys are helping me to out to be a nice engineer.....

Dont be Blind, Take some initiatives

2009-12-15T18:24:00.003+05:30

Would you accept they shot to a pregnant
woman?
Do you seem better that first she would give
birth and then kill her?
It would seem to you pity that the
jailer adopted the brute?
If it wins you love to justice do not read on, you
have some affairs to do.

Would you support that somebody denounced
the situation of the woman who shouts every
night next door?
What would you do if pass the days and the
denunciation does not come?
And if that someone had to be you?
If it wins you love for fair sex do not read on,
you have affairs to do.

Do you know that there are people who do not
know if it is night or day because a hood covers
always their head?
Would you chill out knowing that they deserve
punishment by terrorists and criminals?

Do you still thinks it is fair if tomorrow they put
you the hood and could not even plead for
innocence? ...and really are you?
If it wins you love for human rights, do not Keep
reading,
you have affairs to do

Do you know that there are workers who sleep
under the tables where they work?
Do You know that you buy things they produce
because they are cheap?
Do you think they have holidays, decent wages,
unions and social security?
If it wins you love for them
not read on, you have some pending affairs to do.

Do you give alms to beggars in the street?
Would you rather think that they did something
bad to finish these?
Would you refuse to give believing that many of
them are part of charity's mafia?
If it wins you love to society, you can not
continue reading,
you have some pending affairs to do.

If you've come this far and nothing touches you,
If you feel a simple gear without force,
if no other people's injustice marshals you,
this poem will not be closed,
nor it will deny its words to you,
but you can not continue reading.
Because you've become blind.

Beware of "BeerS"

2009-12-14T17:17:00.001+05:30

Warning:

Beer Contains Female Hormones

Yesterday, scientists suggested that men should take a look at
their beer consumption,
considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed
the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.

Bullshits or Attitude

2009-12-13T17:58:00.004+05:30

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.

Here's to achieving 103%.

Here's a little math that might prove helpful in the future!
What makes life 100% ??

IF,

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only

But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %

However,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

And,

F U C K Y O U
6 21 3 11 25 15 21= 102 %

Try it

My Bros,.......

2009-11-02T09:25:00.007+05:30

this poem is for these men

and all those who are serving our motherland without worrying about their lives & their family

You were my friend, you were hand,
without you I was missing my land.....

no one was for me, no one was for you,
you were the best I was liking you............

being an extra player u were collecting the ball,
now you are the player making the team as a whole.........

everyone think of their childhood & fun,
I think the day when you were in my AVON........

You were afraid of sea water ,
to show you I was jumping better..........

now I think why there is a change,
Why there is a life with different age...............

You are my brother,
You are my way..........

I know i cant go without you ,high.........
love you man...... love u BROs, love u

my parents my life

2009-11-02T09:11:00.003+05:30

My parents

When I was young....
You were always saying I am wrong.

I did really hate it....
I did not like you a bit.

How you can be always right....
for that with you ,i always fight.

I hate when u forced me for hostels & tuition....
never I gave you a good attention.

You buy a dress what I do not wear....
still you say u take mine most care.

I always wanted u to go out.....
then i will be more happy ,no doubt.

"but"

now i m far from you, I miss someone....
you are only that bad ones.

Now I feel your absence in my life....
why mom always says she is lucky wife.

I think that day when you were helping others.....
they were outsider not your sister brothers.

You are very kind you are very helpful.......
you are very pure, noble not only beautiful.

You always do what is the best....
but i am the fool wait for the rest.

How you are so perfect how you are so gem....
when i compare with you,i forget my name.

No doubt you are talented, no doubt you are clever.....
you are the normal do not think for bigger.

I have learned how to live a life from you....
i knew my mistakes for what i argue.

I am sorry if i have done anything wrong...
please forgive me ,my childhood has gone.

No one is like u no one is like mother...
you are the god what,i say to other.

I love you,i love you most...
in this crowded world i have lost.

I want that time,when u were scolding me....
i was acting like a joker mom was fighting for me.

Why i am matured,why i have friends......
i do not want all these new trends.

I want to be your child for my all the next birth...... please do not say no...........

Companies- "what they really mean"

2009-10-09T21:08:00.001+05:30

The companies have redefined themselves as...

1. INFOSYS : Inferior Offline Systems
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating
and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of
Microprocessors
11. HP : Hen Pecked
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First, and Let them go
16. DELL : Deplorable Equipment & Lackluster
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. PCL : Poor Computers Ltd
20. SPARC : Simply Poor And Redundant Computers
21. SUN : Surely Useless Novelties
22. CRAY : Cry Repeatedly After an Year
23. TUL : Troubles Un Limited
24. CTS : Coffee, Tea and Snacks
25. ICIM : Impossible Computers In Maintenance
26. BPL : Below Poverty Line.
27. NIIT : Not Interested in IT
28. MBT : Monkey & Buffelo team
29. ASTL(Akshay): Always sleeping tired lions
30. PCS : Pathetic Computer System.

2009-10-09T21:03:00.000+05:30

This is the life of a computer engineering student who studies very
hard but do not get job due to "recession".
He is writing to his first-sight loved gal.
And here it is...........
Baby, I saw you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and realised that you are the only site I was browsing for.
For a long time, I've been lonely, trying to find a bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now. My life is just an uncompiled program without you that never produces an executable code and hence is useless.
You not only have a beautiful face, but all your Activex controls are attractive as well. Your smile is so delightful that it encourages me and gives me power equal to thousands of mainframes processing power.
When you looked at me last evening, I felt all my program modules running smoothly and giving expected results, which I have never experienced before.
With this letter, I just want to convey that, if we linked together, I'll provide you with all the objects and libraries necessary for a human being to live an error free life.
Also don't bother about the firewall, which may be created by our parents as I've strong hacking capabilities by which I'll ultimately break their security passwords and make them accept our marriage.

Boy gets fucked throughout the life

2009-10-07T21:38:00.002+05:30

Life is indeed cruel to men. When they are born their
mothers get compliments and flowers, when they get
married , their brides get presents and publicity
and when they die their wives get the sympathies
and the insurance money.
I sincerely believe that whosoever termed the fair sex as the weaker sex has done an unfair thing since the weaker sex is indeed the stronger sex because of the weakness of the stronger sex for the weaker sex.
The world is full of men who convert this weakness into a lifelong bondage, euphemistically called 'marriage'. Alas, they forget that as bachelors they were longingly looked upon by the weaker sex as 'a thing of beauty and BOY forever' and they roamed around like a rolling stone that gathers no boss.

But unwittingly, like fools, they rush into a venture where even angels fear to tread. They are perhaps too innocent to realise that marriage is the name of the game where the man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's degree. But different bachelors have different compulsions to walk into this bondage. Sometimes stealing a kiss leads to life imprisonment. Some others walk into this trap after calculating that it is cheaper to marry a Girl and keep her home than not to marry and take her out.

But those who marry in haste repent in leisure also. It is true that marriages are made in heaven but when the couple join hands on the earth it becomes just another union that defies management. As the resonance of the wedding recedes into the background the notes of discord
start appearing and the 'better half' starts looking like the bitter half.
It does not take long for the man to wonder what happened to the girl he married and for the girl to wonder what happened to the man she didn't. But most often the discord happens on account of the average husband's ambition to be able to afford what his wife is spending. As
it always happens in such cases, the joint account is never over-drawn by the wife, it is always under-deposited by the husband.
The harmony arising out of love is the essence that sustains marital happiness. It has certain well defined secrets. To be happy with a man you must love him a little and understand him a lot. To be happy with a woman you have to love her a lot and understand her a little.

Every husband expects himself to be his wife's first love while every wife hopes herself to be her husband's last romance. In the ultimate analysis,however, marriage turns out to be a cafeteria: you choose what you like and pay for it later. What you pay and how much you pay depends upon your luck. For, it takes quite a bit of luck to make a wife out of a woman.

Remember! God created Woman after Man, and ever since then she has been
after man.

What happen after marriage and before marriage

2009-10-07T21:32:00.000+05:30

before marriage there is love and after marriage there is extra marital love,,,,,,,,,,,

Shaadi ke pehle - Maine Pyar Kiya
Shaadi ke baad - Ye Maine Kya Kiya?

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai

Shaadi ke pehle - Dil To Pagal Hai
Shaadi ke baad - Dil To Pagal Tha

Shaadi ke pehle - Ek Duje Ke Liye
Shaadi ke baad - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye

Shaadi ke pehle - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Shaadi ke baad - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge

Shaadi ke pehle - Chandramukhi
Shaadi ke baad - Jwaalamukhi

Shaadi ke pehle - Kuwara Baap
Shaadi ke baad - Bechara Baap

Shaadi ke pehle - Titanic
Shaadi ke baad -Mortgage

Shaadi ke pehle - Hum Aapke Hai Koun?
Shaadi ke baad - Barbadi Ka Kaaran

Shaadi ke pehle - Yes Boss:-)
Shaadi ke baad - Yes Boss:-(

Shaadi ke pehle - Mere Sapno Ki Rani
Shaadi ke baad - Chutki Ki Amma

Shaadi ke pehle - Kabhi Kabhi
Shaadi ke baad - If you are lucky

Shaadi ke pehle - Aao Pyar Karen
Shaadi ke baad - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen?

Modern Sign board

2009-10-07T21:27:00.000+05:30

Fantastics signboard

**Signs of Our Times... **
*Veterinarian's Office sign:
"All unattended children will be given a free kitten"
*Plumber's Shop:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
*Pizza Shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
*At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
*Door of a Plastic Surgeon's Office:
"Let us help pick your nose."
*Sign at the Psychic's Hotline:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."
*At a Towing Company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
*Billboard on the side of the road:
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."
*On an Electrician's Business:
"Let us remove your shorts."
*In a Veterinarian's Office:
"Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!"
*In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
*On Maternity Room Door:
"Push, Push, Push."
*At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right
place."
* On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
* In a Podiatrist's Office:
"Time wounds all heels."
* On a fence:
"Salesmen Welcome: Dog food is expensive."
* Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary, we'll hear you coming."
* Inside a Bowling Alley:
"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."
* In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."
* In a Counselor's Office:
"Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.
* Lot outside Veterinarian's Office:
"Parking for Customers Only, all others will be Neutered.

Be A man- and enjoy

2009-10-07T21:19:00.004+05:30

It's Good to Be a Man!

1.Your last name stays put

2.The garage is all yours.

3.Wedding plans take care of themselves.

4.Chocolate is just another snack.

and many more reason
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this
one's just too licky.

Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress Rs.5000.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is Rs.195 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking:"He must be mad at me."

You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five
colours.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Festival shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, in 45 minutes.

INDIA-MY COUNTRY

2009-09-22T16:53:00.002+05:30

WE THE PEOPLE OF INDIA ARE IN THE 21st CENTURY, TOWARDS RISING INDIA & SHINING INDIA.

HAVE WE EVER THOUGHT HOW CRAZY WE ARE????

INDIA IS SAID TO BE A SECULAR COUNTRY, A REPUBLIC COUNTRY, A DEMOCRATIC COUNTRY. BUT ANYBODY OVER THERE READING THIS CAN DEFINE WHAT ACTUALLY DEMOCRACY MEAN?

IN EACH AND EVERY FIELD WHEREVER WE GO THERE WE SEE......RESERVATION OR QUOTA. AND THESE SO CALLED QUOTA OR RESERVATION ARE FOR WHOM, THOSE WHO

PLENTY OF FACILITIES. THESE POLITICIANS DO NOT GIVE SUCH RESERVATION FOR WELFARE OF THESE PEOPLE RATHER FOR THEIR BENEFIT, FOR CREATING VOTE BANK OF MAJORITY. SOMEONE HAS RIGHTLY SAID "POLITICIANS ARE THOSE WHO WILL SHOW YOU MAKING OF BRIDGE WHERE THERE IS NO RIVER"

THEY SIMPLY SHAKES YOUR HAND BEFORE THE ELECTION AND WILL SHAKE YOUR CONFIDENCE AFTER THE ELECTION.

IF YOU WANT OUR COUNTRY TO BE A PROSPEROUS WE HAVE TO TAKE INITIATIVES. VOTE FOR THE CORRECT PERSON WITHOUT THINKING HIS CAST, RELIGION, REGION ETC.

JAI HIND

eat more live more

2009-09-21T15:46:00.003+05:30

Today in this world everybody is in haste. They don't have any time for themselves.

Neither for eating nor for sleeping.

But my opinion is that eating should be one's top priority.

Who knows when a particular person is going to die.

So without thinking much go on eating.

It's said also "life is short, so enjoy it"

people like me live to eat not "eat to survive in this world"