Name	Ra’s Al Ghul	Adam Monroe
Alias	The Demon’s Head	Takezo Kensei
Born	circa 1400 AD	circa 1600 AD
Powers	Immortality via his “Lazarus Pits”	Immortality via regenerative abilities
Powers give way to madness?	Yep	Yep
Deposition	Evil but fancies himself a noble god	Evil but fancies himself a noble god
Primary motivation behind evil	“Ra’s’ goal is a world in perfect environmental balance, a goal he will achieve at any cost. He believes that the best way to do so is to eliminate most of humanity.”	Adam’s goal is to eliminate most of humanity because “something needs to be done about the endless cycle of destruction humanity seems to go through.”
Secondary motivation	A rival attempts to steal his love, Sora	A rival attempts to steal his fated love, Yaeko
Preferred method of mass depopulation	“Ra’s usually tries to assault the world’s human populace with a biological weapon, such as a genetically-engineered virus.”	Ditto. “When the Company begins research into the Shanti virus, [Adam] attempts to release a highly virulent strain”
Ancient warrior association	“[O]ne of the League of Assassins’ leaders.”	Samurai. Hangs out with White Beard and a bunch of his goons
Key Allies	“Ra’s has allied himself with Bane, the man who once crippled and nearly killed Batman”	“Adam once again befriends a now amnesiac Peter Petrelli, helping him to restore his memory through his absorbed regenerative abilities.”
Facial Hair	Bad-ass	Non-existent

So is it a ripoff? Homage? Too soon to tell?

Regardless, here are some quick thoughts on the shows we’ve neglected to talk about over the last couple of weeks:

Heroes

I’ve been pretty harsh on Heroes this season, so it was nice to know that series creator Tim Kring mostly agrees with me.

Honestly, though, I found his admission of flaws kind of dubious. We were only, what, four or five episodes in at the time he made the statement? That’s kind of like an artist spending a lot of time (a whole summer!) working on a painting, then taking to a potential buyer who says “This sucks! I hate it!” and the artist going “Dude, I know! It’s terrible. There have been problems since day 1!”

In any case, the series itself has gotten better since I last left it. The episode with Noah’s supposed death was done very well, and stands up there with some of the better episodes from season one. The follow-up episode, aired this past Monday, didn’t do a great job of keeping that momentum, though. For whatever reason, it feels like Hayden Panettiere spend most of her summer vacation losing her ability to believably emote. Though I guess with lines like: (And I’m just barely paraphrasing here.) “I’ve been shot, stabbed, thrown off a building, burned, crucified, in a plane crash, disemboweled, run over by a steam roller and also cut my own toe off stupidly, but this hurts more than any of that.”

Regardless, we’re not in a bad place plot-wise.

Adam Monroe, formerly known as Kensei, has revealed himself to be a rather stunning ripoff of the Batman villain Ra’s al Ghul. Seriously, Heroes has always been about ripping off comic books, but this one is kind of stunning isn’t it? The only differences I can see is that, while Adam can regenerate himself, Ra’s has to use the Lazarus pit. And, also, Ra’s has cool facial hair while Adam could never grow so much as a goatee without some pipe cleaners and a lot of scotch tape.

Anyway, Adam wants to get the virus that will kill 93% of the world’s population. This’d be generally difficult for a guy who doesn’t really have any offensive abilities, but thankfully he’s got Peter. Peter is ridiculously stupid. Despite pretty much everyone telling him that Adam is very very evil, Peter is unwilling to accept this fact. His stupidity is so vast it’s almost charming.

Hiro looks to be becoming our central protagonist this season, as he’s going up against Adam and Peter as of the end of last episode. While it’s nice to see Hiro away from that stupid feudal Japan set, it’s kind of ridiculous that his solution to EVERYTHING is now time travel. At this point, they should include a scene where he wakes up, discovers that bread has gone stale, and then travels back in time to make toast.

I know I sound negative. I’m not! Mostly, the show is good again! Relatively, anyway.

House

I don’t care what anyone says, I like the silly reality show style set up this season has going. The only thing that truly sucks about it is Foreman, who does little more than laze about looking sad. It’d really be much preferred if he would do something. But the (apparently semi-permanent) presence of Kal Penn as a doctor who occasionally electrocutes himself and lights patients on fire more than makes up for it.

The odds seem to point to his team being Kal Penn, 13, and Cut Throat Bitch, but I have a slight feeling that they might throw a swerve at us and 13 might be the one going home. I like the sex-addict plastic surgeon better anyway.

America’s Next Top Model

I didn’t think China was supposed to be so fun! They all look like they’re having a delightful time! I’m still picking Heather to win, even though her Asperger’s syndrome seems to be about as phony as most other people’s Asperer’s syndrome.

The Office

It feels like the last episode was forever ago — mostly because it almost was, due to the writer’s strike (more on that later) — but I will note that that episode, “The Deposition”, was definitely something memorable. It’ll never stand up as one of the funniest episodes ever (though Kelly & Pam playing ping-pong through their boyfriends, and then sucking, was a great sub-plot) but deserves to be remembered because Steve Carrell acted his ass off.

The Michael character is never more interesting than when he’s put in situations like this, when his loyalty and desire to be liked comes to the forefront, and we’re made to be feel incredibly sad for this guy who is, outwardly, a totally lame jerk. Without Carrell, it wouldn’t work anywhere near as well.

I would have really liked to have seen the follow-up to the episode. I guess I’ll see it eventually. Maybe.

30 Rock

30 Rock is tremendously hilarious and not at all poignant. I love so many things about it. I love the recurring references to the best-joke-ever Werewolf Bar Mitzvah. I love that this show made David Schwimmer for the first time since potentially ever. I love how damn attractive Tina Fey is. And, most of all, I love Alec Baldwin, and everything he is.

Funniest network show on TV this fall. Only It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia on the FX network beats it.

The Amazing Race

I don’t have a lot to say about this so far — my only major note is that host Phil Keoghan really needs to just let go and embrace his hair loss — but it seems to be shaping up as one of the best seasons this show has seen. Certainly the best since that first Amber/Rob season. There’s not any stand-out teams for me yet, but I’m finding pretty much no one annoying, which is so rare for this show. It’s nice to have this quiet, relaxing, hilarious show back on Sunday nights.

I’ll have more on these shows later, along with some thoughts on the writer’s strike. Thanks for reading!

Matt

Things that happened

In an episode that seemingly was inspired by an episode of Stella crossed with a bunch of terrible non-sequitur videos from collegehumor.com, we catch up with Karen Filippelli, now branch manager at Utica. She’s still holding a bit of a grudge against Jim, and thus Scranton as a whole, so she’s decided she’s going to steal Stanley away. Michael thinks this is tantamount to a criminal act (robbing the office of its wacky black guy!) so he, Dwight, and a reluctant Jim don warehouse uniforms and fake mustaches and drive to Utica to play a prank and, thus, get revenge. It all goes terrible awry when Michael and Dwight get trapped behind an industrial copier.

Meanwhile, back at Scranton, Pam, Oscar and Toby have formed a club dedicated to the finer things in life. They sit around the lunch room wearing berets and discuss art and books while eating fancy food. Jim is a little miffed that he’s not allowed to join, as is Andy, who takes a run at it anyway.

Ultimately, it all comes together when, after Jim runs into Karen during the terribly ill-advised prank, Pam lets Jim join the club. Mostly out of pity. And then Jim doesn’t even bother to read Angela’s Ashes anyway.

Things that were good

• More cracks on the Jim/Pam relationship. I realize that I still might be reading too much into this, but I’m officially predicting that they’re doomed to failure.
• Michael’s last request to Jim: that he host the Dundies. It made me really want to watch that episode again. It was so good!

Things that were bad

• Everything else! This was a bad episode.

Worth Watching If…

I don’t even know what to say about this one. It feels like something a wacky improv troupe would come up with. There was no consistency, no real character moments, and only a handful of lines that actually worked. It was a different kind of bad than the first few episodes of this season. Those episodes felt like everyone was trying too hard. This episode felt like they weren’t trying at all. What a waste.

In Five Words

Sleeping On The Job Again

Things that happened

An episode where the A-plot can, perhaps, be described in a single paragraph! What an amazing and nice change!

Ryan’s convinced corporate to spend money on an advertising agency to create local TV spots promoting Dunder-Mifflin Infinity. Michael takes this to mean he’ll get to inject his own unique creative vision into the whole ordeal but, in reality: no. The ad geeks — who look very convincingly like all the real people I know who do ‘creative’ work! — are just going to run the same 25-second spot for all the D-M offices and then attach a five-second clip of the office staff waving at the end. This throws Michael into a rage, so much so that he decides to put up his own money to direct his own commercial and then let corporate decide which to use. Michael’s video is like that “Think Different” Apple ad from the late 90s except starring his own officemates and with even more melodrama and sappiness and confusingly mixed messages. It’s actually quite brilliant. Of course, corporate opts not to use it, but Michael and the gang still gather at Poor Richards to watch the results and it’s actually very sweet and honest and, gosh darnit, isn’t it so refreshing that these are characters that actually like each other?

In our subplot worlds: Dwight’s still in despair and playing Second Life because of it. Because only terminally depressed people play Second Life. That kind of sounds sarcastic but it’s totally not. Andy’s making all kinds of moves on Angela, which seem to be paying off in the form of mostly one-sided make-out sessions, but Dwight’s given some hope when he learns Angela’s been getting into the mood by whispering “Oh, D!” And, in the romance across the room, the viewer is asked to consider the question “Just how well do Jim and Pam really know each other?”

Oh, and Darryl sings. Darryl sings a song about Dunder-Mifflin on his keyboard. He sings.

Things that were good

• Michael’s video. It perhaps wasn’t quite as good as the video Michael prepared for his corporate presentation in the New York episode (the production values were just high enough that it didn’t feel believable) but there were still some great character moments. Also, and this might sound a little weird, but in recent years I’ve totally come to respect things that are funny that aren’t about making fun of someone (or something) and/or making references to sex or pooping. Maybe it’s just because those kinds of gags are so rare. In any case, “You have a son and it’s me” was my favourite part.
• Darryl’s song. “Dunder-Mifflin: People, Persons, Paper, People” is, in actuality, awesome.
• Lots and lots of little things. Michael referring to Phyllis as a “Less Urban Aunt Jemima”, for example. This is the first episode this season that I’m actually really eager to watch again because I feel like there might have been jokes and funny asides that I missed the first time. That’s such a good sign.
• The actual Dunder-Mifflin commercial they aired was, in fact, a really nice send-up of the kind of cliché “outside-the-box” advertisements agencies are putting out these days.

Things that were bad

• The “Kit Kat Bar” thing with Andy never quite clicked with me. Maybe because I remember vividly that that was a Kit Kat commercial and I find it hard to relate to anyone who would forget that? I kind of have a freakish memory for old commercials. Like, I lay awake at night thinking about the “Bumble Ball” commercial sometimes, for example. Because it was just such a weird product. With a great jingle!
• Continuity. Michael finances his own commercial and buys everyone a round of drinks a week after declaring bankruptcy?
• They really could have done a lot more with Dwight’s Second Life addiction. I hope that isn’t the last we see of it.

Worth Watching If…

What a great, down-to-earth episode. I wrote last week that the best thing for the show right now would be for the writers to just stop trying so damn hard, and just let the characters interact naturally with one another. They did that this episode — it had an effortless quality that the show should always have. They really just need to stay in the office.

Obviously, being half the length of the past four episodes was a big help. Things were paced far better than they have been, even with the sort of odd (and unprecedented?) “Ten Days Later” title card in the last act. They were able to focus on a good A-plot, while still moving forward their big B-plot (The Dwight & Angela & Andy thing) while also adding some serious interest to the Jim & Pam saga that didn’t involve them doing little more than making goo-goo eyes at one another.

The worst that I can say about this one is that there’s this lingering feeling like they put this together as an inventory episode for the first part of the season, not knowing for sure where in the order of episodes it would go. I have major issues with the continuity in Michael’s character coming off of last week’s episode. It would have made far more sense if they had aired this before “Money.” But maybe I think too much about this kind of thing.

Still, good episode.

In Five Words

Dunder-Mifffflin: People. Persons. Paper. People

Things that happened

In a personal aside that means nothing, I’m falling out of love with television. I don’t know if it’s because my favorite shows are letting me down or what, but I didn’t recap a single show last week (save Project Runway) and that makes me a bad, bad person. For this, I am sorry. But I probably won’t try harder.

On House, House is still trying to decide his three new fellows. Their latest patient is an Eastern European cosmetologist who works at a funeral home. Oh, and she sees dead people and has seizures. The diagnosis process involves blonde bitch harassing brunette bitch, the old guy being brilliant and fighting with the less-brilliant plastic surgeon, House harassing religious boy because he has a son digging up a dead body and House deciding that he is Charlie from Charlie’s Angels. In the end, it’s not some awesome truly dead-people-seeing disease, but rather ergot poisoning, which has been undocumented for 50 years but acts like LSD. She was “trippin’.”

Foreman is having a really rough time getting a job, thanks to the debacle at Mercy. After several interviews — in which he always manages to react the wrong way when it comes to the Mercy question — Cuddy convinces Foreman to come back and be House’s baby-sitter.

In the other side plot of the evening, House and Cameron make a bet as to whether he could push religious boy over the edge. In the end, Cameron wins because religious boy totally punches House in the face. House deserved it. It is important to note that this punch was egged on by a soulless Cameron, who apparently will step outside her moral box to win a bet and prove House wrong.

Things that were good

• I’m glad this was a diagnosis that fell into the realm of “rare disease” and not one of those cop-out diagnoses that have been handed out all season.
• The many, many pop culture references. House should reference as many television shows — then act them out at his will — every day.
• I’m glad Foreman is back.
• Some of the new fellow applicants — brunette bitch, religious guy and guy from 24 — are shaping up to be interesting characters who would add colour to Princeton-Plainsboro. Yes, blonde bitch would add colour too, but I hate her. Yes, hate.

Things that were not so good

Foreman is returning to a three-year fellowship position after a three year tenure. The discontinuity of the original job description that Cameron, Chase and Foreman all had and how it played out last season and this season angers me. It also angers m,e that last year, Cuddy offered Foreman his own diagnostic TEAM and this year all she is doing is offering him his job back.
• I’m afraid that once the new team is hired, one of two things is going to happen: 1) it’ll be Cameron, Chase and Foreman again, which undermines the past 10 episodes; or 2) there will be too many characters.
• Cameron’s subplot felt unnatural and forced. The writers thought, “shit, we need to give Jennifer Morrison screen time” and gave her a subplot that would have worked far better with Wilson.
• Why did House fire the old guy?!
• And keep the blond girl?!

Worth Watching If

House is on new creative ground and is still trying to find its footing. It’s enjoyable to watch, but also frustrating. I’d advise you to stick round until the dust settles and we see where this journey takes us. But any show that can make a Bachelor reference and a Charlie’s Angels reference completely out of any romantic context is a keeper.

In Five Words

Yeah, She Saw Dead People.

Things that happened

This week, the designers get to design clothing for Bratz dolls! That’s right — the dolls that are so slutty they make Barbie look like a goody-two-shoes. The daughter of their creator comes along to tell us that the dolls are not about Botox and sexual promiscuity, but diversity, creativity, individuality and empowerment. They are good role models! Really, they are!

Uh…okay. But the USB that comes with the dolls when you buy one looks pretty cool.

The designers get to hang out with members of the Bratz fan club and learn things like punk rock dolls are cool and colored high heels are cool. The girls are pretty cute and are really excited to help out. After this, we finally get to see the designers shop. They get 45 minutes for this challenge, which is luxurious compared to what the American designers get on their show. Even with this huge cushion, Lucian still pushes it and makes Brian’s mustache twitch. In anger.

The designers get two days for this challenge and also have to make a mini-outfit for the actual doll as well as a giant one for their model. This time, they switched up models. Most designers stick with their current model, but Stephen takes it personally when Bidell takes his model. I never understand this, yet it always happens. It’s a contest! If your model sucks, get rid of her! You’d do the same Stephan! There is no such thing as integrity on reality tv! Remember Darrin? Of course you don’t — his integrity got him eliminated in the first episode.

The design process goes well, except Megan keeps breaking down. She reminds me so much of Wendy Pepper. In twenty years, she will be Wendy Pepper.

At the runway show, Shernett wins the challenge, thanks to her new Bratz doll — Victorian Brat! Her dress is fabulous and the win is well-deserved. Michael is surprisingly disappointing and Megan is surprisingly strong. Everyone else finishes according to their current track record.

In the end, it comes down to Sophia and Stephan. Sophia goes home because her doll looks like a mom who tried to go rock star (this is where Iman makes a David Bowie joke) whereas Stephan’s doll just has no fashion sense. Fantastic pieces, just no fashion sense.

Next week: teamwork!

Things that were good

• As much as Megan irks me, it was great to see her pull it together for this challenge. Shernett’s dress was far more inventive, but Megan, I think, had the more marketable dress.
• Real fabric! Real designs! Few people realize how many designers end up working for doll companies.
• The editors are doing an amazing job at getting hilarious sound bites and facial expressions and using them effectively.
• Iman and Brian — fabulous, as always. I know I need to stop commenting on how great they are, but they continue to impress.

Things that were not so good

• I know Bratz are out-selling Barbie now, and Bratz are in need of designers, but I still want this show to take a turn away from its American predecessor and do something unique. There hasn’t been a challenge yet that was not a direct derivative from the original Project Runway.
• As SOON as Sophia said “I have three children. I’m not going home” you knew she was going home. It was lesser played out, but she got the exact same edit Lincoln got last week.
• Biddell is a jerk — he’s going to develop into Canada’s Santino and I honestly don’t think he has the goods to back it up.
• The weak and the strong are starting to separate. While Megan’s strong design was a bit of a shock, it’ll be less and less of asking who is going home and more of when.

Worth Watching if…

This episode was as formulaic as it gets. It was still a well-executed show with an interesting challenge, but there was nothing in it that made this episode special. I’d still watch it — it’s a great show — but I need more design drama or runway confrontation before I declare it a “must see episode.”

In Five Words

Camping in Lamé Hot Pants

Things that happened

Is it just me or has this show leveraged the whole ‘fight or flight’ thing for a big expository monologue before? I swear it felt familiar. Maybe that’s because it’s such a lame cliché, and this is a show that thrives on its continuous use of lame, tired clichés. But, whatever the reason, the title of this episode is particularly poignant and confusing because, as far as I can discern, no characters really were faced with the titular choice: when you really think about it, no one chose to fight or fly.

Most obviously related to that theme of choice is Peter Petrelli, as he is faced with the option of flying figuratively around Cork, Ireland while all blissfully amnesiac with his new Irish girlfriend. Or, alternatively, going to the Montreal of his future-painting and fighting Veronica Mars with electricity bolts and, I would assume, tales from the general cast trailers at the old The WB lot.

Making far far less of a choice is Parkman, who chooses to go fight his possibly-crazy and boogeyman-esque father over the far less appealing choice of flight that would have just left him hanging around Mohinder’s apartment while the good doctor told him what a jerk he was for putting theirs shared-custody daughter in a nightmare coma.

Also making a choice is Molly herself, who chooses to wake up from her nightmare coma after Mohinder makes the choice to drive her — probably by taxicab, I imagine (I don’t think they took the subway — people eye comatose children suspiciously on the subway) — to the oh-so-evil Company headquarters were they meet up with Ned — Ned Ryerson! — so that he might study and help the girl. While there, Mohinder runs into Ali Larter who is undergoing voluntary treatment to try and suppress her more evil (but equally wooden) side.

Meanwhile, across the country, Ali Larter’s son Micah is still embroiled in some bizarre bad-accented high-school-play-like New Orleans scenario with his cousin Monica Dawson. While he makes the choice to tell his cousin about his abilities as a means to make her feel better about her emerging abilities, she’s faced with a choice of her own: fly from her destiny and deny her powers or jump rope in a children’s playground after a sassy black girl dares her not to. She jumps rope like a pro. Ultimately it is a scene with a whole bunch of totally fucking creepy laughing and jumping up and down.

Meanwhile, in Feudal Japan, nothing happens but we still get a bunch of scenes set there, as if to prove to use that nothing is indeed happening. I guess the most notable bit would be that Kensei seems to have grown himself a totally disgusting neck beard for some reason. Did he have that before?

But let’s stop with the bolding of words and get right down to the meat of the episode: Parkman’s dad appears. At first Matt thinks his father is evil and spooky, but then Matt’s dad reveals that he too has received a photo of himself with the mysterious mark on it and is thus marked for death, just like Hiro’s dad and Nathan’s mom. But it turns out that Parkman has been tricked! His dad is evil, and is able to leverage his own mind-reading powers to actually put thoughts in other people’s heads and thus trap them in nightmare dreamscapes. Nightmare dreamscapes that primarily exist to give Tim Kring reason to re-use old set pieces and thus keep the budget down.

Both Matt and Nathan, who has tagged along for no real reason and is, all of the sudden, totally awesome in a million different ways, end up in their own nightmares, tricked by Father Parkman as he makes a hasty escape. The two young heroes manage to escape, but not before some awesome dream fighting with one another. They escape just in time to reveal the evil Parkman’s next target: Needlenose Ned Ryerson, puppet master of The Company, and the guy who just might be Veronica Mars’ dad?!

Things that were good

• Seriously, how great is Nathan Petrelli? I’m not sure what it is, but there was something so damn appealing about him this episode. Maybe it’s because he’s the bedraggled emotionally-vacant cynic with wild hair that I’ve always wanted to be. (I also always wanted to fly.)
• It was great to see Veronica Mars again. (I will always call her Veronica Mars. This might get annoying. Just a warning.) Her electricity powers were more than a little lame, but, still. I’ll take what I can get.
• As much as I really despise the whole New Orleans thing, Monica’s powers are really cool.
• I’d dig it if Ali Larter’s role was limited to just her appearing out of nowhere and choking people and then getting tasered. It could be like the running gag on this show.

Things that were bad

• I would never make the claim that Milo Ventimiglia is the worst actor in this cast, but when he’s bad — like he was this episode — he’s really bad. To be fair, though, doing an amnesia plot is probably the greatest acting challenge anyone could ever face.
• Seriously, a little bit of budget, that’s all I ask for.
• Ando spends the whole episode decoding an old scroll. And no one cares! Because the scrolls say nothing! This sucks.

Worth Watching If…

Sweeps starts soon, so I know better than to expect anything more than filler episodes for all the popular series. There was some nice set up in this episode — I can’t wait for Montreal! It’s in Canada! — but, in the end, it was entirely skippable.

In Five Words

My Double Dutch is Superheroic

What Digg Dugg Most

The Ten Best Alternate Earths Ever

With the recent discovery of a “Second Earth” Found 20 light years away (#1 Digg: 6929) one question is on the minds of scientists and engineers everywhere: how do the people of this alternate earth drive with their feet? And, for that matter, how do their cars run at all with square wheels? And what are the socio-economic implications of living in a world where hamburgers eat people?

Alternate worlds have long existed in the realm of science fiction and fantasy. Almost exactly like ours, these words are made all the more ominous because they take the familiar, keep it familiar, but give it an odd sheen. Like maybe everything is the same, except that your wife is another woman completely. Or you feel the same, but instead of being a rich crusty executive, you’re now a loved family man bursting with the spirit of Christmas. Or maybe everyone is now an ape. Whatever the case may be, alternate worlds are some weird-ass shit. As a tribute to this week’s most-dugg story, let’s take a look at the top 10 alternate worlds.

#10: The Earth Where Britain Won The Revolutionary War, Sliders

There’s just something so charming about a world where Britain still controls America and thus there is no freedom and the Brits are still all about collecting taxes like crazy. It’s based on ideas so innocent and playful and filled with child-like wonder that this world totally deserves a spot on this list. Plus it comes from that period where Sliders was totally awesome and not filled with strange new characters and aliens.

#9: The Alternate World to Hyrule, Termina, The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask

Or, to put it another way, The Earth Where The Moon Is About To Crash Into the Earth. My perspective of this is probably coloured by only seeing it through Link’s eyes, as a guy from another world where the moon was not at all threatening, but there was still something so fantastic about talking to people who were totally prepared to be crushed by a planetary body.

#8: The Alternate Earth Where Lana Lang is Dead, Smallville

How great was this? She was dead! And Jonathan Kent was still alive! Everything was perfect. And then you had to go and ruin it, Clark

#7: The Alternate World Where Superman Is Happy and Lives on Krypton With His Family and Robots, Superman: For the Man Who Has Everything

God dammit, Clark, quit ruining great premises!

#6: The Alternate Earth Where Dan Was Not Dead For the Whole Series and Jackie Was Not A Lesbian, Roseanne

Man, what a downer this was. I mean, sure, that last season sucked, but to reveal that not only was it just an extended fantasy sequence, but in fact most of the series itself was, as the Roseanne character tried to write a story that was better than the dismal life she had in reality led was kind of a kick in the junk.

#5: The Alternate Earth Where The Berlin Wall Falls Due to a Raucous Song Performed by Alvin and the Chipmunks, Alvin and the Chipmunks

Sure, a few years after this episode, the Berlin Wall actually did come down, but it was nowhere near as cool. And the music they played during the tear down probably played a much lesser role. Also, no rodents.

#4: The Alternate Universe Where Everything is Mirrored, Star Trek

Nothing has been cooler in concept than the mirror universe, has it? It’s so simple and perfect. Everything good on one earth is evil on the other! And the evil characters have facial hair!

#3: The Alternate Earth Where the Nazis Won World War II, Many DC Universe Comics

Now, I am no fan of the Nazis, of course. In fact, I am probably one of their biggest detractors. But this was still a cool alternate earth. Mostly because the resistance to the Nazis was led by Uncle Sam and a ragtag team called “The Freedom Fighters.”

#2: The Alternate Earth Where Humans Evolved From Reptiles and Also Everything Was Like The Mario Games Sort Of, Super Mario Brothers: The Movie

Sure, it was terrible, and had almost nothing to do with the actual Mario games themselves, and Bob Hoskins has about as much in common with Mario as, well, Dennis Hopper does with Bowser, the King of Koopas, but there was something charming about the way they tried to make the whole fat-mustachioed-plumber-fights-talking-dinosaur thing seem somewhat plausible, wasn’t it? I bet if humans had evolved from reptiles instead of mammals our lives would not be entirely dissimilar to what was portrayed in this film. And I bet science would back me up on that.

#1: The Alternate Earth Where Everything is Bizzaro, Superman Comics

Perhaps the only alternate earth to have inspired its own Seinfeld episode, this earth was just fucking cool. People on this earth were so alternate that they speak in broken english! And they have a bizzaro superman who is crazy as hell! And their earth is shaped like a cube for some reason! The possibilities are endless, a fact hammered home by the recent Grant Morrison-penned All Star Superman issue wherein there exists a Bizzaro Bizzaro character on the Bizzaro Earth who is, in fact, quite normal. That is some crazy ass shit.

The Runners Up

He’d be better suited to Doom 2099

Look, it’s Digg.com founder Kevin Rose in a Captain America comic! (#2 Digg: 6043). Sure, it’s an alternate-world Captain America comic — it is not, however, one of the top ten alternate worlds, by any means — written by the guy who wrote Rambo: First Blood — that’s why — but it’s still a pretty huge honour. Look for Al Gore, having won the Nobel Prize, an Oscar, and an Emmy, to put his sights on appearing in a Captain America comic next.

Why Complaining and Attempting to Justify Your Piracy is Worse than Just Fucking Pirating Stuff

Taking ourselves away from alternate worlds for a second, Why Commercials Before Movies Is Worse Than Piracy (#6 Digg: 4797) is probably the most ridiculous political argument I’ve read on digg.com since someone, last week, claimed that it was impossible to support Radiohead’s pay-what-you-can release of In Rainbows while simultaneously thinking Ron Paul is a crazy person. I can’t wait to see what sort of crazy view the digg.com community holds up next.

And, lastly, an Alternate Reality Where Everyone is German and Vampires Exist

(#8 Digg: 4620)

Things that happened

It’s the last of the hour-long episodes which is, weirdly, something I’m very excited about. It strikes me that there’s one conclusion we might be able to draw from this whole sordid hour-long-episode experiment, and that’s that it’s incredibly difficult, if not impossible, for a show to just switch formats. The occasional longer special, sure — that’s something you can plan for, work with, and ultimately make significant adjustments toward — but when you try to shift formats for a sustained period of time, like they did here, it’s not realistic to hope for seamlessness.

Because, hell, think of other, older, classic shows. Do you think you could have just taken The West Wing and done a bunch of 22-minute episodes? Or 2-hour episodes? Ignoring the fact that Aaron Sorkin is pretty much an insane hack at this point, you’d be hard pressed to argue that that show, as acclaimed and remarkably good as it was in its prime, could have made an easy transition to a full-length movie.

And look at other sitcoms: Seinfeld, The Cosby Show, Cheers, All in the Family — would anyone seriously make the argument that they would have been better if they’d been sixty minutes every week? Hell, aside from maybe M*A*S*H, I don’t think you could make the argument that ANY classic sitcom would have worked in the 44-minute box.

I realize that this sort of lead-in makes it seem like I thought this episode was really bad, which isn’t really my intent. This episode, “Money”, was both good and bad, with blindingly great moments interspersed with ridiculously inane ones. The whole thing would best be summarized by the word ‘frustrating’, which probably works as a descriptor for the whole run.

The plot: After learning that Dwight’s started taking bookings for overnight stays at Schrute Farm as part of a new Bed & Breakfast (or agritourism venture, as he calls it) run by him and Cousin Mose, Jim & Pam are eager to sign up for a stay of their own. The whole thing is a crazy mish-mash of bizarre events and sight gags and sends the episode spiraling down in all kinds of weird ways. Thankfully it only extends for the first twenty minutes or so. While all that is going on, we also learn that Michael is having some rather severe money problems, mostly because Jan is crazy and wants BMWs and couches that aren’t futons and other extravagances. He doesn’t want to let on that he’s not a loaded lothario, though, so he’s taken a second job at an all-night call centre selling medications just to try and make ends meet.

The second job goes pretty well, actually. It turns out that when Michael’s not in charge he’s pretty much just a genial guy who would rather make friends with everybody than focus on his work. It all leads to some really nice character moments for Michael Scott, but unfortunately it also makes him very, very tired, so much so that he forgets to prepare a presentation on PowerPoint presentations that Ryan asked him to do. When he’s confronted about this, Michael slips and reveals he does indeed have a second job, of which Ryan is none too happy about. He demands Michael quit his night job or else he’ll be fired from his day job.

Michael reluctantly goes to quit his other job — where people actually like him! It is kind of sad — while Jim & Pam return from the overnight all giggly and flabbergasted. Dwight, meanwhile, is still in a spiral of depression due to the Angela break-up. It doesn’t help that it looks like Andy might actually have a shot with her (he finds a cat outside the warehouse for her). We get way too many incredibly uncomfortable Dwight-in-tears scenes, until Jim finally sits down with his enemy in the stairwell and tells him the real reason he left Scranton at the end of season two — because he couldn’t take not being with Pam. It’s exactly the kind of sweet-yet-subtle, understated moment that this show has always excelled at. And it really does seem to take an effect on Dwight, as he’s seemingly right back to normal afterwards.

Also making us viewers all uncomfortable with sadness is Michael. After Oscar serves as his financial planner and tells him that, essentially, he’s pretty screwed, Michael decides his only course of action is to run away, board a freight train, and start a new life. But no trains are actually leaving the station, and so he just sits in a boxcar until Jan shows up all frantic and concerned. They’re filmed by no less than three camera guys from a variety of way-too-cinematic angles as Jan tells him that he’ll stick by him, always, because he stuck by her. It’s not quite the kind of sweet-yet-subtle, understated moment that this show has always excelled at, but it’s still pretty good.

Also: Jim kisses Pam. Kevin is in a new band called “Scrantonicty 2.” The gang has a hilarious debate over the difference in usage between ‘whomever’ and ‘whoever’ and Kelly and Darryl, apparently now in a relationship, have relationship issues. All the stuff in this paragraph is pretty awesome.

Things that were good

• Moments. Just moments. It’s so very frustrating. You know how some sitcoms are so successful that they have spin-offs? And the spin-offs take some of the popular main characters — often a wacky one (I’m thinking here like Joey or The Jeffersons) — and follows their antics? These episodes remind me of that. Because it’s like, somewhere over the summer, they decided to do a spin-off to The Office called Out of the Office but, instead of airing it as a separate show in its own timeslot, they just folded it back into the parent show and aired scenes from both. It’s disjointed, overlong, weirdly paced and often just not very fun.
• But that “whomever/whoever” conversation was absolutely amazing. A watershed moment in sitcom exchanges about grammar and syntax.
• Ditto the Kelly and Darryl subplot. Darryl is incredible.
• To reiterate what I said above: the scene with Jim & Dwight in the stairwell was really great. Kentala made a good point when he noticed that that stairwell has really become a place of sanctuary and emotional freedom for Dwight, too. Just a really nice scene all around.
• Same deal with the character building with Michael. I really like it when they dial down the ‘overbearing jerk’ side of his character and let us see why someone like him would actually get to the position he has in life.

Things that were not so good

• I think I already covered this, didn’t I?
• But let me add this: is anyone else still having trouble believing that Jim & Pam actually desire one another sexually? Like, to just throw all the cards out there, can you imagine Jim just totally wanting to touch her boobs? It just seems sort of uncomfortable and awkward for me.

Worth Watching If…

This one is worth watching for sure. It’s nowhere near bad. It’s just frustrating. But pay close attention to that great conference room scene with the grammatical discussion — it really shows that, when you get right down to it, nobody needs to be writing plots for this show. They just get in the way and overcomplicate things. Just put these characters in a room and let them talk. It’ll be funny. Trust me.

In Five Words

Whomever said bigger is better?

Things that happened

Iman is cheeky and fabulous (can this woman please host again next year?!) as she tells the designers they need to “think green.” They meet Brian Bailey in “a park” (oooh, so discreet. It’s too bad Toronto is so damn small it’s obvious what park it is) where he unveils a giant pile of discarded and broken umbrellas. The task is to make a cocktail dress out of these umbrellas. Umbrellas are made out of crappy nylon, so this should be an interesting challenge. I see blood in the future! And sweat and tears!

Brian warns them to be careful in their selection of umbrellas. Why? Because after they pick their materials, they find out they have to use all their chosen umbrellas. Welcome to the world of hard-core recycling! This is bad news for most people, especially Lincoln and Kendra, who have like 45 umbrellas each.

At the work room, we learn that Marie Genevieve is a cocky bitch (but I still love her), Biddell is a cocky bastard, Lincoln sucks at handling pressure and Megan just sucks. Really. She put a zipper in backwards. At Project Runway. Even I’m shaking my head at that, and during sewing class in eighth grade I sewed a hand-stitch project to my jeans. (I’m better now. Really.)

On the runway, most of the dresses are good, with fitted tops and poufy bottoms. However, Sophia’s “couture” piece looks like a garbage bag and Lincoln’s assessment of Biddell’s dress being “Avril Lavigne at a cocktail party on crack” is spot-on. While Kendra’s dress isn’t my favorite, it is unique and immaculately made.

After Iman shoots everyone down and Heatherette is “quirky,” it comes between Lincoln and Megan. Despite Megan’s complete incompetence she gets to stay. Aww, poor Lincoln. But he leaves with grace and I still love him.

Things that were good

• While Heatherette aren’t the best designers, it’s great to see Slice pulling out all the stops to secure known names in the fashion world.
• Brian Bailey is really hands-on and helpful with the designers, moreso than Tim Gunn. It could be a result of editing, but Tim appears to go “Hmmm mmm, okay. Make it work. Carry on.” Brian is “A double seam would work better. This is too much fabric. I’d rethink the collar”in a way that is helpful and not directorial. Plus, I love the mustache.
• Iman! She is to the point and doesn’t beat around the bush. It’s a nice contrast to Heidi, who is usually the designers’ best cheerleader, whereas Iman is their biggest critic.
• The Lincoln fake-out edit was hilarious.
• Kendra’s win was well deserved. You had no idea she had thirteen umbrellas.
• Michael should wear her bangs up everyday. She is an adorable elf.

Things that were not so good

Worth Watching if…

Again, I am unbelievably impressed with the overall production quality of the show. People who watch Project Runway should watch this version because it’s just as good — as the number of designers decrease, it might get even better as personalities are better shown. People who watch Canadian television should watch this show and just spend the hour going “Canadian reality cable? noooo…..”. Slice is bringing it. Of course, having Iman doesn’t hurt.

In Five Words

Umbrella…ella…ella…ella…ella