Be Strong, Be Mature, Be Independent

Faith. Learned to believe it somehow I lost it

2011-05-07T03:32:00.002+08:00

Disappointed..
That's purely what I'm feeling right now.
I still can't get the fact that somehow I'm always the last one to know anything.
Even if the thing regarding me, so that I thought it was.

Honesty..
That's all that I'm asking.
Is it that tough to ask for that?
Truth hurts but lies worse isn't it?

It's been a year.
I guess that's the period of time we know each other.
I fell hard for you, no lies about it.
I wanted it to be the same. Well, of course I do.
But when it didn't work out at all, I just wished you're the first one to tell me,"Hey, I've moved on."

What's the purpose of China?
Well, it's for me to move on.
However, all I know the thing that I learned there is that so I can control my feelings towards you and not to show them unnecessarily.
Stupid enough, I thought you are there to wait for me.
Instead, well, dream always remains a dream isn't it?

Remember the question I prompted at you before,"Will you wait for me?"
I guess now I know the answer just right.

You know something.
It's not that I'm jealous or whatsoever.
Okay, perhaps I am.
But when you just come clean to me saying,"Hey, I think I've got a thing for K."
or perhaps I'm asking just one of you could just tell me the truth.
This whole thing would be totally different story.
I'll be more than happy as long as you two happy with one another.
Back to reality, what did I get actually?
LIES!
So what happened if I didn't accidentally saw your text on K's phone?
I wouldn't know a single thing till now isn't it?
And yes, I'm the dumbest person in the whole entire world to believe in love.
I'm the dumbest person in the whole wide world to believe that perhaps you're mature enough to have the guts to say the right person,"You are the one." Instead of swimming in the middle of islands.

Come let me write to you what I think of both of you now.

K..
All awhile I know you're desperate for love.
I can see that.
Well, everyone can see that.
You know why no one loves you?
Cause you're too desperate. You're a fucking busy body person.
Tone it down a little bit and you'll be fine.
I dare to speak this right infront of your face but by all means, I don't wish to be the bad guy to break you down completely.
Cause trust me, I can do so.
You know something, I've never felt comfortable talking to you.
I guess no one does. You are always be the one saying,"You can tell me anything. Just tell me. Just tell me."
You're a fucking pusher. You always want to know everyone's problems.
When you can't even settle your own problems.
Take care of yourself first, child before getting into bigger problems.
Hiding behind the innocent face of yours won't bring you any further.
One day, you'll get what you deserved.

By all means, me saying this thing is not for cursing.
Perhaps, I just thought you were better than this.
Yet, even after it was all so obvious, you dared to deny it right infront of my face.
That's so stupid of you.
Let me repeat that if you don't get it.
S.T.U.P.I.D!
Get it?
Well, enough with you.
I'm really tired talking about you actually.
I'm faking it all this while.
I'll never forgive you.
Just not yet cause what you did is way too hurtful, BITCH!

L..
I trusted you more than anyone else in my whole entire life.
I told you every single secret that I've been hiding from people.
Yet, you couldn't even be honest towards me about the thing that regards me?
You know actually people do warn me about you using me.
Do you know what did I say to them?
"You guys are nuts. That's impossible. You guys have no ideas what's going on. I know. I know."
Now, I don't know anything, really.
Who are you actually?
You're not the person I used to talk every single day for the past 1 year.
You're not the person who I fell for so badly.
You're not the person who I cried for countless times.
Who are you?
Did you get so caught up with so many people liking you that you think you can just have fun with every single one of them?
Tell me.
Are you happy now?
Well, if you want to hurt me so badly, you already did it good.
Good job, I shall say.

Yes, I did wish you still have feelings for me.
But after knowing what you are.
I'm pleased that nothing's going on with us.
Irony isn't it?
and contradicting for sure for me to say this.
But I do think so.
Base on one thing, I don't know a single thing about you.
How about the things you told me in the past 1 year, any of it actually true?

Well, as long as you're happy then.
But just know one thing, when you done with all your dilemmas, and you finally come to your senses. Just know that I'm the only one who love you the most.
I guess it's time for me to let you go completely.
No worries. I won't deny it if people ask me.
I know you're part of my life.

Goodbye.
Till the day I wrote this.
I still do love you with all my heart.

Signed,
FDK

Who can I trust?

2010-05-24T00:38:00.002+08:00

Well, I just got back to Singapore from a hectic weekend in Jakarta.
I flew on Friday and back on Sunday morning.
It was super hectic like seriously.
I went to school on Friday morning and went to airport straight to catch my flight and before that I had managed to spend some quality time with my classmates in order to celebrate Han Wee's birthday.
So yeah, it was pretty awesome.
I don't really know what's going on with my blog nowadays.
This blog is rather just for personal writing I guess.
I should get back seriously on writing real soon; with a new blog link, a new for everything. (:

Life never really gonna be that easy for me I guess.
Just that I thought I could rest for a day to release my exhaustion and restless days, I was shocked with so many things.
Who the hell am I supposed to trust?
Actually I do know whom to trust but for now I decided not to trust anyone.
Perhaps, that's the best decision I would ever make in my whole entire life.
I was so foolish letting it all out by telling to people.
Instead of keeping it, they bloated it out without even think of the consequences that could happen to me?
Pretty happy huh to let everyone knows about what happened to me?
FYI, I don't fucking need anyone to pity me.
I am able to survive on my own like how I used to be.
I was happy enough being myself.
I was more than glad to wake up every single morning doing same damn fucking routine!
Fuck it!
Who the fuck can I trust in this fucking world?
I guess it's true that your worst enemy is your closest friend.
The one who gonna eventually pull the trigger right to your soul after you sacrificed your heart to them.
Fuck those asses.
Well, I don't really holding any grudge on anyone.
I am rather in peace right now.
Thinking of nothing and only how the hell am I supposed to do to get a perfect GPA.
I guess that's the only thing that could redeem my frustration.
And yeah, one more thing.
I've given myself a challenge for 30 days to lose more weight.
Weight is always the most insecure thing in my life I guess.
In total, I've lost more than 20 kgs since the time I moved to Singapore.
But I guess I'm hoping to lose at least another 10 kgs more. :D
Wish me luck.
The count down begin tomorrow.
24/05/2010. :)

I aint' no longer write about my feelings.
I guess feelings should stay as a feeling.
When no one could see it but you can only feel it.
From now onward, I should enjoy my fucking life! :D
No more boundaries.
No more sadness.
Beyond positive.
Most of all, no more hoping. (:
I realized now love is a bullshit.
I used to keep preaching that love exist.
Well, it doesn't.

So suck up bitches and fucking grow up!
No such thing as everlasting love.
I love my family! (:
Even though they might not know and accept it.
They are there through the darkest time.
There's no need to promise.
It's just action.
(:

One more thing.
I'm trying to pursue my one and only dream: singing!
Hope to make it as best as I could.
Wish me luck people! :D
Cao

Back to blogging

2010-05-09T21:03:00.002+08:00

Well, I'm just gonna post something that's been bothering me for sometimes.
I don't know everything happened so quickly that I can't even catch up with those things.
What's going on?
I have no freaking idea.
I tried to move on.
I tried to tell myself ,"Yes, you are doing the right thing!"
But there's still part of me that says, "Believe in yourself, there's still hope as long as there's still love in both parties."
Well, I guess the truth really hurts.
I realize perhaps there is no more love towards me in you.
It's painful!
After so many things that we've been through.
Well, perhaps I did hurt you deeply but at least I've the guts not to run away from you.
I won't be saying all the things you've done to me cause I believe there's no point for me to be saying it out anymore since there's nothing between us.
But all I can say for now is the reason I did ask for break up is because I know I've hurt you a lot.
I guess I can say I love you enough to let you go.
What's the point of me keep asking whether do you love me when I know you don't even have the interest talking to me.
I've been a fool getting into a triangle relationship when I told myself repeatedly never to share my love with anyone else.
I think I did tell you once that I'm selfish and I don't like to share my love one.
But yet, I did it for you and I can tell you I've no regret doing that.

At least, I did feel true love for a little while.
and that is something that I never experience before.
Well, I guess the feeling has gone in you but it's okay.
Everyone has to move on right?
I guess you have to move on before me and I'm glad you do that. (:
All the time I spent with you is a bless for me.
I've never been so opened to the world before you came into my life.
So what should I do when you are no longer part of me?

I can tell you honestly.
When someone was hugging you yesterday, I could have cried to tears to see that.
Well apparently I did.
Eventhough I kept telling myself that we are no longer in relationship.
But I guess I could never stop protecting you from any harm around you even sometimes the harm is coming from me.
I'm happy to finally see your face after a zillion years. (:
It's good to finally see your smile.
And I'm pleased for everything that happening around you.

I guess now it's time for me to move on as well.
I already got the answer from you and I'm really thankful that you did tell me that.
Well, not really saying it straight but more to a hint.
It's okay, I got the hint. (:
For what has happened, I just want you to know.
I've never loved anyone more than you before!
You taught me how to be strong.
You taught me how to be opened.
and more than that you taught me what love really means. (:

Well, it's time to say goodbye.
to the story that we've been through together.
All the drama, all the tears, all the laughter, all the magic, all the craps and all the love.
I love you once, I love you twice.
But I guess I have to stop it since it's no longer meant anything to you.
Till the next time I saw you.
I love you my one and only baby. <3

Will I Get Stronger?

2010-04-16T23:46:00.002+08:00

Well, I'm back in Singapore yesterday.
The minute I stepped into Singapore, all the memories recalled in my mind.
I tried to control it.
I tried to control it still.
I tried to control it till I burst.
I walked pass by so many couples today and the first thing that flew in my mind were snap shots of us in the past.
I walked through the bus stop near my house, looking at a couple talking in the corner of the iron holder. Somehow, I still remember us quarreling over there. Both trying to make their statement over something stupid or which then I thought was so huge.
I tried to conquer my feelings.
I tried to kill my feelings.
I tried to smile through my pains.
However, I just couldn't.

I stared at the sky tonight, hoping that perhaps you would be looking at it too.
However, no sign of it, no star is shining upon me and my foolish hope.
I don't know when would this end and when a new beginning will come.
I guess through this experience, I do learn a lot of things.
1) Love does exist even if it last for a little while.
2) No promises are meant to be fulfilled.
3) All man is for their own-self.
4) When someone asked you,"Do you love me?" Don't answer the question because if you do, you'd eventually fall for the person even deeper and it will crush your body and soul when the person is gone.
5) Love is a battlefield.

I guess that are some of the learning experience I learnt from this story.
Perhaps, the story has ended this way.
Not all story has an happy ending.
This is the way you left me.
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory, NO HAPPY ENDING.
Perhaps, you have moved on.
Therefore, all I wish for you is purely happiness and by saying this I don't wish anything in return.
I no longer believe in dream do come true.
I'm done being so dumb being cheated and played and lied over and over again.
I'm over the game of whether do you love me or not.
I'm over everything but yet I'm just not over you YET!

Don't stop smiling! (:
As I once told you, your smile can light up the whole world.
Till we meet again in the next life or soon to be.
I heart you with all my life.
You know that I do willing to do anything for you.
I know I couldn't provide you with anything.
I know I couldn't give you any material things.
All I know is that you will never find any love greater than mine.
Countless of tears been flowed for you.
Countless of prays been prayed for you.

Go on and move on my lovely baby.
You do deserve something better than all this drama. (:
I guess I'm just not over it yet.
How pathetic?
But I guess I just can't lie anymore.
For my love is so much greater than that.

ONE DAY I WILL BRING YOU TO A PLACE WHERE THERE IS NO WORRIES AND PROBLEMS, WHERE THERE ARE ONLY TWO OF US. I GUESS THAT ONE DAY WOULD NEVER COME.

Thank You For Everything!

2010-04-09T01:09:00.002+08:00

Let's update! (:
I found myself lying on the floor miserably on the 1st of April 2010.
It was the time when I realized well, it's all over for now.
My feeling is dead.
My emotion is faded.
I'm back to the living zombie, okay, not exactly!
Perhaps, now I'm a robot instead?
I don't know.
It was the day when everything that was so blur seemed so clear.
It was the day when I received the hardest slap right on my face.

I've realized that everyone in this world is only for themselves.
There is no such thing as sacrificing for other.
There is no such thing as be there for each other.
The main thing in this world is about themselves.
That's all that matters.

Well, perhaps this might sound contradicting but even after everything that happened, I still do believe in the promises that were made.
Perhaps, promises are meant to be broken.
Perhaps, there is no such thing as a promise in the first place.
I guess let the time reveal the fact.
It's still so hard to let you go.
Every memory, every story, every moment still lingers in my mind, it stuck like in my heart like a glue sticking both of it.
It's pathetic that even as tough as I tried to be, I would cry everytime I'm left alone.
What's wrong with me?
I'm trying to be tough looking at sky, hoping that it could reflect something.
Hoping that perhaps, you will be looking at the sky at the same moment.
It's just a hope.
Always gonna be a hope.
I hope time could heal everything.

For everything that's gonna happen real soon once I'm back over there.
I'm hoping for the best.
I'm hoping for everyone's happiness even though I know it's impossible to please everyone.

I do miss your smile.
I do miss your smell.
I do miss your hugs.
and
I do miss your love.

For everything that's missing, my heart will always be there waiting for the missing piece to come back. :D

Did you ever notice how the [spaces] above us look different? That when you and I first spoke, it was a cosmic collision where the sun started shining 3x2 bright and the stars in the sky folded and merged to form the [only] constellation. I'll ever wish on again so now. When I get (lost) in the road maps to the sky, the only thing I will ever see is YOU!

The Place Where I Belong

2010-03-31T22:15:00.002+08:00

Well, I guess every story has its peak point and an ending, whether it's gonna be something good or bad.
I really don't know how can I be so freaking stupid.
That I eventually dig my own graveyard.
I feel so fucking dumb and brainless.

Perhaps, I am truly dumb.
Perhaps, that's the reason this thing all happening.
All I'm hoping is another chance.
Am I worth to be given another chance?
I truly have no idea.

I asked myself whether I should fly back to Singapore.
However, I'm just not ready at all.
What's the point I'm going back where there's no longer my happiness there.
There will be no one that I can hug to.
There will be no one that I can lay myself on.
Perhaps, I deserved it.

Oh Shining Stars
Shine upon us who are losing the way
Give us the way to gain back our trusts
For there is still love in our story

Oh Shining Stars
Bring us hope through our misery
For love that can solve any problems
For love that is able to bring joy

Oh Shining Stars
Reflect your lights across the galaxy
Don't let me lose my way in the darkness
For I need guidance through my lonely day

Oh Shining Stars
Please send my love to the person I love truly
For I am trapped in the darkness
Waiting for a rescuer to take me away
To the place where love truly shines like a star

I know it sounds stupid just like me but at least I did give some effort.
I'm pretty much lost everything now.
I lost my light.
I lost my way.
I'm back to the darkness, the place I used to be at.

Welcome To The Darkness

2010-03-31T16:40:00.001+08:00

BACK TO THE DARKNESS!

THE BEST PLACE THAT I DESERVED TO BE AT

MISERY HERE I COME AGAIN.

SCREW MY LIFE.

The Mind

2010-03-28T16:58:00.004+08:00

What's going on recently?
I don't have a single clue on that question.
I might look alright but my mind is not.
Every single sleep I take led to a freaking nightmare.
The same nightmare keeps repeating in my mind.
The most fearful in my life for the time being.
What am I supposed to do?
I've no idea either.

5 months ago, we decided that it best we took it to the next step.
Decided that we are gonna be there for one another through ups and downs.
However, somehow I found myself alone these few days.
Is there something I did wrong?
or you just tired being with me?
Either one I guess?
Perhaps, everything's becoming more difficult since I came into your life.

Then what should I do?
Are you gonna left me wondered again without giving me any solution?
You said that words once, it won't make anything worse to say it again.
Not hoping that you gonna say it but somehow this feeling is getting stronger.
If you really do love me still, or care about me, why don't you bother to find me?
It's always been me finding you and all I get is a cold answer from you.
If you really do care, why you would not even say the word "bye" before you went off?
You chose rather to reply to other people in facebook and MSN excluding me.
What am I to you actually?
Am I the bad person for keep finding you all the time?
Am I a bad boyfriend for wanting you to be my side 24/7?
I can tell you honestly, I'm breaking into pieces now.
I'm hoping that you would come and call me first but I don't think that dream will become reality.
I guess you get tired with me.
It's okay we did promise even if something goes wrong, we would still be best friend.
I'm happy if you are happy.
Afterall, perhaps I'm being too naive believing in the word 'LOVE'
Thank you for loving me even if it's for a lil' while.
How I wish it could be longer.
I guess it's true that there's no such thing as everlasting love.
especially in the world that we are living.
It's always the third party, the lies, the cheating and the revenge.

I found myself staring at the phone.
Just to prove that I'm not alone.
Hoping that it would be only from you and not from others.
Have you ever been touched gently till you have to cry?
Yes, I did.
When you told me,"Everything is going to be alright."
It's keep recalling in my head.
I'm not giving up.
A little bit more I can control this, a little bit more I can handle this.
Just a little bit more.
Show me some faith in this relationship.
Prove me that this is not just an one-sided relationship.
I would still be waiting for your calls, your messages.
I know promises are meant to be broken.
But I'm still not giving up and believing the promises you said to me.
No worries. :D
At the end of the day, I know that I will still be the one waiting for you with a huge smile to welcome you back from the long adventure that you been through.

P.S : Read the book.

The Present

2010-03-28T00:02:00.001+08:00

Begitu Indahnya Untuk Dikenang
Saat Kamu Masih Mengejar Cintaku
Begitu Manisnya Tangismu Untuk
Memohon Hadirku Kedalam Hidupmu

Katamu Kau Tak Akan Tinggalkan Aku
Sakiti Aku Lukai Aku
Tapi Kau Ternyata Tinggalkan Aku
Sendiri...
Katamu Kau Tak Akan Pernah Duakan
Hatimu... Cintamu...

Kemana Perginya Kamu Yang Dulu
Yang Maunya Selalu Dekat Dengan Aku
Kemana Perginya Cinta Yang Dulu
Yang Pernah Kau Tikam Ke Dalam Jantungku

Katamu Kau Tak Akan Tinggalkan Aku
Lukai Aku sakiti Aku
Tapi Kau Ternyata Tinggalkan Aku
Sendiri...
Katamu Kau Tak Akan Pernah Duakan
Hatimu... Cintamu...

Somebody is ME

2010-03-27T01:45:00.001+08:00

You, do you remember me?
Like I remember you?
Do you spend your life
Going back in your mind to that time?
Because I, I walk the streets alone
I hate being on my own
And everyone can see that I refell
And I'm going through hell
Thinking about you with somebody else

Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes that someday you will see
That Somebody's Me

How, How could we go wrong
It was so good and now it's gone
And I pray at night that our paths soon will cross
And what we had isn't lost
Cause you're always right here in my thoughts

Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes that someday you will see
That Somebody's Me

You'll always be in my life
Even if I'm not in your life
Because you're in my memory
You, will you remember me
And before you set me free
Oh listen please

Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes that someday you will see
That Somebody's Me

I <3 you with all my heart

Inbalance

2010-03-26T00:50:00.003+08:00

I'm lost once again.
I told myself that I won't be blogging but since I've gone for quite some times.
I don't think anyone will be reading my blog again.
Let this just be my story, my personal space.

I'm currently in Indo now.
Having a difficult time of my life.
I don't know.
Trying to fight back all my rights and do the things that make me happy.
I know that I can't fight this alone and I did admit that.
However, the reason that I'm doing all this doesn't seem much to care.
Something hits me so hard today.
I realized that the words 'I love you' is already meaningless.
I guess I am just not the right one anymore for you to say it to.
I'm not blaming anyone except myself I guess.
I don't know what I did wrong but perhaps, I am just wrong.
I tried to laugh and be strong against all the odds that's facing me right now.
Perhaps, the beautiful story has come to an end?

I got the sign of giving up but I tell myself that let's just not give up yet.
I remember the promise we made.
To lead our life happily ever after with no troubles and worries.
I'm holding on.
Still holding on..

1 Mistake Kills It All!

2010-02-21T14:31:00.002+08:00

Well, I made a mistake in the past few weeks.
However, I did admit it and I finally figured out the consequences and begging for forgiveness.
Yet, somehow I am still being suspected as a cheap fucking gigolo I guess?
I am writing all down here because I just can't talk to anyone right now.
Everyone thinks I am a fucking flirtish.
Even my love one thinks I am.
Well, I can't do anything to change their mind set.

As long as I know myself that I did make mistake and I admit it and I'm trying to change.
Perhaps, I am the most sinful guy in the planet?
Perhaps, I am not worth of loving?
Perhaps, this what fate is all about?

When someone makes mistake to me, I can't be angry and pissed. I tried my hardest to open up their heart and telling them that no matter what I'm still here for them.
However, it doesn't apply in my case I guess.
When I did a mistake, everyone is turning into their own lives, leaving me behind, alone.
Maybe this is how fair the world is?

I did this it's not because I wanted to.
Part of me knows that it will hurt you so badly.
But another part of me thinking is whether do you really treasure me and know what I've been through all this while?
I knew everything that you did to me since a few months back and I tried my hardest not to tell you knowing that I will still get blamed for reading your stuffs.
Guess, it doesn't apply that way now huh?
I really don't know, I'm totally clueless.

Where does the statement, 'Everyone makes mistakes' go to?
Am I that perfect till people think I won't be making mistake?
Am I that nasty till you can't forgive me?
I guess I am then in your eyes.

Everything that I did, it's already been done by you before.
Recall everything that you did and hid from me.
It's actually much painful then what I did to you.
Till even now, you don't dare to tell the truth towards that person and you know who I'm referring to.
While in my case, I did already make it very clear to them.
By writing this here, there's a chance of me getting fired up by you and everything.
But I guess, you should know what's in my mind by now.
I'm writing all this not to make a point that I am a saint but at the same time, you should know that I am not a sinner.
I don't go around sleeping with people, I can guarantee you that with my own life.
I don't go around kissing people, if that's what in your mind.

This is gonna be the last post that I write honestly about what I think.
Let's fate do its job.
I can tell you by now that I truly love you.
If I don't love you that much, I would have given up since I knew the fact a few months back instead I hid everything and showed you that I'm worth much more than all of them but you just never see it.

I did try to give you hints a few times.
Did you ever do this?
Did you ever do that?
All your answer is NO!

Maybe part of you thinking that it would hurt me if I know the fact or maybe, you just don't want to tell me at all.
I don't know till now I'm still clueless.

As I said if I have to beg you for forgiveness, I'd do it.
It's not because I'm scared to you or scared of losing you.
It's because I truly love you more than ever before.
If you think I'm bullshitting then I don't know what else to say.

I'm done blogging.
But I'm not done with my life.
I will not give up on you because I believe LOVE CAN SURPASS ANYTHING!
I know I love you and I know you love me the same way!
That's why I will never give up, EVER!

Much Love
Falend Dicky Kosanto

I GIVE YOU MY HEART AND MY SOUL.

Past? Is It Going To Be Forgotten?

2010-02-13T02:12:00.002+08:00

Well, I don't know.
Somehow, I'm recalling back everything in the past.
It still hurts though I'm trying to tell myself that it's not.
What the hell is wrong with me?
It's been awhile since I recalled back everything.
Thinking that I would not be affected anymore, I was left mouth-opened.
Past is still hunting me even after a few months or a year?

I won't be stopping because life still continues no matter what.
I'm pretty pleased with my life now.
Even though there's part of me that's still cold.
I can feel myself screaming so loud but no one could ever hear my silent voice.
Never mind I shall pretend like nothing happen everyday because that's the best way to walk through my days.

Okay let's talk about the present.
We should not stuck in the past.
Well, this thing has been bothering me like a few days.
First question, why would you hate someone that you only met once and didn't talk to you much on that day?
In my opinion..
Okay, let's talk about all the possibilities that could answer this question.
1) You are just mad because I didn't talk much to you.
2) You are just being a little brat wanting everyone to give you a freaking smile and a hug?
3) Guess you are just pissed that you are just a substitute?
4) You just have nothing else better to do in your pathetic life?

HAHA.
Guess the answer lies between those 4 possibilities.
Wait, I guess one more?
You are purely a bitch?
Saying that you don't like me behind my back won't bring you any good.
If you dare, come meet me and say it right in front of my face. (:
And we shall settle this once and for all.

Second thing, you said that you can handle your own problems without anyone telling you what to do huh?
Well, let's see.
You don't even know when your stead is emoing?
You don't even know when your stead is crying?
All you know is that your stead has to be there whenever you want and where ever you want.
Ever hear about what your stead got to say for that?
Guess not!
Cause your freaking relationship is only about you! you! and you!
One pathetic little fool.
Thank God that your stead meant something to me.
If not you are so dead by doing so and too bad that your stead loves you so much.
Be thankful for that, bitch!

Don't ever try to be bitch with me.
I'll show you what the real bitch is!
Saying that I'm 18 and acting immaturely?
Well guess so, since I'm still so youthful! guess that's the better word.
Unlike someone, being 19 years old and yet still so short! LOL.
And still can flirt right in front of your stead's eyes.
Furthermore, didn't even realize doing something wrong till someone told you so?
Gosh, that's way too immature.
Don't know which one is right and wrong?
Guess you should not get into a relationship in the first place.
Since you are a nasty, self-loving person!

HAHA.
I've enough of you!
Well, I know you tried to apologize.
However, the way you said it. It's way too bitchy!
Trying to explain yourself that you are right?
And telling me the things I did are wrong?
Then, just f*ck off!
Why bother to say sorry? LOL.
Get a life biatch.

Shall end it here.
Falend Dicky Kosanto
Much Love.
Peace Out.

SHORTIE, GET LOW! LOW! LOW! LOW!

Valentine's Day Vs. Chinese New Year

2010-02-08T16:30:00.003+08:00

Hello, hello, hello! :D
CNY is coming!
It must be super exciting for you guys who actually celebrate it while for the rest that do not celebrate CNY, it's another special day for him/her with their love ones. (:
For the people who are single and do not celebrate CNY, well, let's pray next year will be a better one for you all! (:

I'm pretty excited actually for that day to come.
However, at the same time, I feel pretty scared because my exam is coming right after the CNY holiday.
How sucks right?

And yeah, anyway another good thing first.
I just had my Digital Electronic Lab Test and I'm pretty confident I will get 100% for it! (:
So I'm super super ecstatic for that.

What else shall I add on for this post?
Well, any idea how should I spend my CNY holiday?
Most probably, I'll be stuck at home studying like a bookworm!
I need to get back my freaking 3.0 - 4.0 for my GPA.
Cross my finger for that.

Hope can spend more time with my baby! :D
I really excited waiting for something that's coming for me real soon.
I guess it's real soon?
and I hope it's real soon!!
It's always super exciting if the things come from my lovely baby! :D

Love you a lot baby! :D
I guess we'll be busying with CNY more than Valentine's Day huh?
HAHA.
Never mind, getting money is obviously better than losing money on a date!!LOL

What else? what else?
Yeah, my best congratulation goes to Mr.X that already got attached! :D
Last long for you two! (:
All my bless for you two! :D
Let your love blossom across the world! LOL?

Okay shall end it right here.
I hope that I can meet up with baby later even though I want to lock myself up and study like crazy.
However, I just feel like meeting up with my baby! :D
That's all for today.

Picture of the day:

Freaking love my cliques in DBE/FT/1A21!
haha

Peace out
Much Love
Falend Dicky Kosanto

Baby, Baby, Baby, Oh!! <3

Boredom is killing me!

2010-02-06T09:55:00.003+08:00

I know my posts are getting more and more boring each day.
I don't have any idea on what to post anymore.
I've been so busy lately that I don't even have the time to update my post.
What I'm busying with?
Well, performing, recording, performing and recording again and again.
Okay, today is Saturday 06/02/2010.
and it's freaking 9.57 am.

Why the hell did I get up so early and update my blog?
HAHA.
Because my stupid baby called me early in the morning just to say,"Baby, I miss you!" indirectly wake me up and ask me to sleep back.
WTH!
hahaha. but it's okay :P
Now I can't get to sleep already so let's update my blog.

I'm freaking busy with the recording things now.
I have to upload it in facebook before 10.30 am.
Ahhhhh.
And it will decide whether or not we'll perform in the wedding.
Wish me luck guys as my voice is becoming worse and worse each day thanks to my soar throat.

Part of me saying I should not go and perform today because I'm missing someone so badly and how I wish I can meet my baby a.s.a.p later.
However, it's okay it's for my career! LOL.

Okay, shall end it here.
Hope all the practice will pay off good.
Much Love.
Falend Dicky Kosanto.

Somehow, I'm feeling super sad..

P.S I'M A BASTARD!

My L.O.V.E

2010-02-04T13:50:00.010+08:00

Today I asked myself whether everything is still the same.
Do I still have the heart that I used to have towards you?
Do I still want you like I wanted you before?
Do I still love you?

Then I realized that no point for me asking, no point for me thinking.
The answer is always in my heart and my head.
That yes, I am truly in love with you.
It doesn't matter how many months we've been together.
It doesn't matter all the obstacles that we've been through.
It doesn't matter how many fights that we had.
All that matters that I feel happiness around you.

Thousand tears had flowed from my eyes.
Thousand scars had been tattooed in my heart.
However, I willingly redo it again to feel the happiness that we've been through together.

Love, Life, Sacrifice, Happiness, Sadness, Sorrow, Tears, Laughter, Fight, Quarrel, Depression, Lost.
Let me swim across these emotions to get back to you.

You once told me never give up on love.
You once told me to have all the confident in the world because you have love.
You once told me that you love me.

Therefore, I will always love you with all my heart!

And last but not least, part of me is belong to you.

Shall end it here.
This post is dedicated to you (:
You should know who you are.
The one and only. HAHA.

Much Love.
Falend Dicky Kosanto.

YOU'RE SEXY, SO COOL, THE BADDEST ONE! :D

Promises Are Meant To Be Broken!

2010-02-02T21:31:00.007+08:00

I don't know how many times I've said this sentence.
However, as much as I said it and praying that this thing wouldn't happen, it keeps repeating on and on.
Obviously, every promise is meant to be broken.

Well, a new year, a new month, a new day.
Less than a month I've learnt so much already.
First thing is never trust anyone even if they are kind to you or said that they love you. Afterall, all of it is a crap!
Only trust people who really know you well, inside and out.
People who are always be there even where you are poor or rich.
People who are always be there even when you are crying or laughing.
People who are truly loving you no matter what.

Second thing is well, everything in this world is temporary including love.
However, I won't let anything ruin my relationship whatever it takes.
It's difficult now but I won't give up.
You've made my decision and therefore, I've to make my decision. (:
I won't let any tears drop from my eyes because I guess it's way not worth of crying.
HAHA.

This thing is recently I've never contact so many of my friends.
OMG!
I realized that I've stuck with the same people every single day.
It's making me feel that I'm totally an anti social.
I never realized that I've so many friends around me! :D
Therefore, time to plan and meet up all my lovely friends..

1) Mr. Shao Wei

Miss him a lot! OMG.
I talked to him on the phone today and realized that we've missed so many things about each other a lot!
Time to meet up Mr. Dumb Dumb

2) Vindy & Cindy

My lovely indo twins, haha I know both of you have bfs already but for sure we can spend a little time together right? (:

3) This is gonna be random Ms. Mable (:

HAHA. met her like once last year or something.
Definitely have to meet her again. (:

4) Stuart & Jyh Jie

HAHA my bitches! :D miss these two bastards a lot.

And many more that I can't list down one by one. (:
Hope to see you guys real soon.
Shall end it here.

Mr.Dumb Dumb : you better meet me a.s.a.p if not I'll kill you! haha miss you a lot (:

Much Love
Falend Dicky Kosanto

WHEN THE PAINFUL TRUTH IS REVEALED!

iPad vs. Padding

2010-01-29T00:46:00.005+08:00

Apple co. has just released a new gadget that will soon be available for the people.
It's called the iPad.
Well, what's my opinion on iPad?
The first thing that comes to my mind when I read iPad was,"Is it somekind of a technology padding? that will help people to make some of their body become bigger and it's capable of playing music and stuff?

VS.

Somehow, it isn't any closer from what I thought it was.
Well, it is a 'A large, high-resolution LED-backlit IPS display. An incredibly responsive Multi-Touch screen. And an amazingly powerful Apple-designed chip. All in a design that’s thin and light enough to take anywhere. iPad isn’t just the best device of its kind. It’s a whole new kind of device.'
Let me just list down all the functions of iPad.

-. LED-Backlit IPS Display
-. Multi-Touch
-. Thin and Light
-. Up to 10 Hours Battery Life
-. Wireless
-. 3G
-. Audio for sure! LOL

Seems pretty cool huh?
More than that it was said to be faster than a normal laptop browsing, wireless speed.
However, the problem here is whether people would want to bring around such a device for audio purposes?
Ain't it going to be too big for a normal pocket size?
Well, we never know.
Somehow for now I just can't get through the name 'iPad!'
It still does remind me of padding! LOL

For more information of iPad, do check out the following videos.
It was the presentation of iPad when it was being released to the public. (:
Enjoy.
I wonder whether Singaporean will do want this gadget. :D

Shall end it here. (:
Much Love
Falend Dicky Kosanto.

AYO TECHNOLOGY! :D

Any Suggestions On What I Should Blog About?

2010-01-26T10:15:00.003+08:00

Okay, let start blogging.
Recently, I have no idea on what I should write in my blog.
However, let's just give it a try today.
What am I feeling recently?
What am I facing everyday?

Well, school is pretty tough ride now.
Exam is coming up in less than a month I think.
I don't really have that confidence for the paper actually but I will give my freaking damn best to get at least a 3 for my GPA.
So yeah gonna work hard for it and pray hard obviously! LOL

Problems?
Well, relationship is another ride that I've to go through.
Never been talking much about it right?
Because I'm still wondering what's going on.
However, now I'm sure that I do really love you.
And yeah, on 22nd January 2010, it's our 3 month anniversary! :D

As I said I really wondering what's going on.
Is it because there is so less time we can spend on each other?
or is it about there's a change in feelings?
Then, I realize it's not about the feelings but it's about miscommunication.
I believe that you really truly love me and so do I.
I don't know how to make you believe me.
I can't I guess but all I'm saying that it's the fact.

I won't let anyone come to bother our relationship.
I won't let anything come between us! :D
That's all! :D

Anyway, I'm really pretty excited for Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day which fall on the same day! HAHA.
So what's your plan guys?
haha..
I hope I have something to do on that day.
Shall end it here.
Much Love.
Peace Out.
Falend Dicky Kosanto.

I LOVE YOU, I DO.

When The World Is Invaded By Vampires! - Daybreakers Movie Feedback

2010-01-19T09:57:00.004+08:00

Imagine yourself being a vampire?
Pretty cool huh?
Or let's think another way round.
How if you are the only human left and you're being hunted by a bunch of vampires?
That's pretty scary I guess.

Well, it's been pretty long since the time I've last blogged.
I'm truly sorry about it. Somehow, lately everything just seems very busy.
Okay, first let's talk about the Daybreakers Movie! (:

I watched this movie 2 days back I think.
Watched it with Sebas and X. (:
The movie was pretty gross and harsh as it's rated NC16.
I will suggest for you people who can't stand any disgusting, violence or bloody scene. Please do not watch this movie!
HAHA.

Trailer:

Plot :
In the year 2019, a virus, spreading like an epidemic, has transformed much of the world's population into vampires. Edward Dalton (Ethan Hawke) is a hematologist employed by Bromley Marks, a pharmaceutical company that is the chief supplier of blood for the American population, which is operated by Charles Bromley (Sam Neill), a wealthy business executive. As the vampire population nears extinction due to lack of human blood, vampires must capture and farm every remaining human for their blood, or at least find a blood substitute before the end of month at which time the world's supply of blood will be depleted.
When deprived of blood for extended periods of time, vampires begin to lose their human-like characteristics and end up transforming into winged bat-like monsters, termed "sub-siders," which have diminished mental capacity and possess no ability to speak intelligibly or communicate; they are instead driven strictly by their impulse to feed, much like that of a zombie. However, a covert group of humans makes a remarkable discovery which has the potential to save the human race (including the vampires) from extinction.
After being saved from a vampire patrol by Edward following a car crash, Audrey (Claudia Karvan)- the group's leader- is convinced that they can trust Edward and therefore tells him their secret: there is a cure to vampirism, as proven by one of the group members, Lionel "Elvis" Cormac (Willem Dafoe), who is currently a human but was previously a vampire. Following a car crash in which Elvis was thrown through the windshield and into a river (during which he was exposed to sunlight for a very short amount of time before hitting the water), the resulting fire that occurs upon prolonged UV exposure due to the sun was extinguished. Upon emerging, he discovers that he is human once again, the virus having been essentially 'burnt' out of his system. Edward attempts to replicate this by using a wine-fermentation vat with an added trap door (for escape, if needed) to initiate controlled sunlight exposure, concluding that the infected blood must be exposed to sunlight while in the human body for the treatment to be effective, as his previous treatment of vampire cells in the lab simply destroyed the cells. After several controlled exposures using the vat's air vent to tract the oxygen and extinguish the fire present on the body after being exposed, the experiment is deemed successful and Edward is therefore cured.
Meanwhile, a convoy of humans is on its way back to the humans' shelter. The convoy includes the human daughter of Charles Bromley, Alison (Isabel Lucas), who abandoned her father after he decided to "turn". They are ambushed by a troop of vampires and subsequently taken to Bromley Marks. Alison confronts her father, who attempts to convince her that being a vampire is the better interest to pursue. After refusing, she retaliates by stabbing him and tries to run. However, Frankie (Michael Dorman), Edward's brother who is a vampire, comes in and subdues her.
Bromley then persuades Frankie to turn Alison into a vampire, despite her resistance to becoming one. Later, Bromley goes to check up on his daughter, finding out then that Alison refuses to drink the human blood she has been given, and has thus been feeding on herself, causing her to begin to transform into a sub-sider, much to Bromley's frustration and agony. Due to increasing attacks on normal vampires by the rampant sub-sider population, Bromley starts ordering troops to capture all sub-siders and have them terminated. After rounding up a group of them, Frankie watches as they are being dragged out into the sunlight to their deaths. Frankie is horrified when he realizes one of the subsiders is Alison. They stare at each other for a moment before Alison is burned to death by the sun, with Frankie standing in the background, looking on solemnly and feeling guilty for what he has done to Alison.
Later on, the human group (including the newly-"born" Edward) resort to contacting Edward's vampire friend and colleague Chris, for help in spreading the recent cure they've discovered. Chris ultimately betrays them by alerting Bromley and troops are sent to his house. It is learned that in the meantime, Chris has since discovered a blood-substitute and subsequently does not want a cure to become widespread, for fear of risking and jeopardizing his soon-to-be Chief Scientist ambition. The vampiric troops arrive shortly thereafter, and a battle ensues in which Elvis and Edward manage to escape, but Audrey is captured in the confusion and brought to Bromley Marks Co.
In the ongoing search for the two human runaways, they are found by Edward's brother Frankie, who is slowly transforming into a sub-sider due to diminished supply of blood. Frankie reveals that he turned Edward into a vampire not because of a selfish desire for blood or for company, but because he didn't want to face Edward's inevitable death (possibly by being captured and farmed for blood) of being a mortal.
Frankie initially decides to help them, but his desire for blood causes him to feed on Elvis. In doing so, it is realized that feeding on a former vampire-turned-human is also a cure and Frankie becomes human again. Edward turns himself in to Bromley to save Audrey and tries to trick him by telling that he wishes to return to being a vampire and spread the cure. However, Bromley is already found to be uninterested in a cure, as Chris has discovered a blood substitute and it is ready for mass production in 48 hours.
Edward then enrages Bromley by saying he was a coward for making Frankie turn Alison and that he couldn't bring himself to do it himself. This tricks the furious Bromley into feeding on him, which cures him. Edward and Audrey then send him downstairs tied to a chair where a massive group of soldiers are waiting; their desire for human blood is so strong that they fatally feed on him and are cured as well. Edward and Audrey escape downstairs but are cornered by more soldiers, to which Frankie comes to the duo's rescue by crashing through the glass doors in Elvis's Pontiac Trans-Am and saves them, giving Edward and Audrey time to escape by sacrificing himself to the soldiers, thus spreading the cure as the soldiers who feed on him are subsequently fed off of by other vampire soldiers which causes a mass feeding frenzy resulting in only a few human soldiers surviving.
Afterwards, the soldiers are soon killed immediately by Edward's former friend Chris who then tries to kill the two so he can hide any evidence of a cure, only for Elvis to re-appear and kill him. The trio of humans drive away into the sunrise, with Edward proclaiming that they now are the cure, and will turn anyone who wants to be a human, into one again.

The movie in my opinion is pretty cool.
Why? Well, because the the writer took it to the next level.
Lately, every movie makes people think that being vampires are pretty cool but this movie shows that there are weaknesses of vampires too, also the bad side from vampires.
Therefore, Falend's gonna rate this movie: 9/10
Strongly not for kids!!
This movie is pretty gross and sickening.
In conclusion, the movie is great! (:

What else shall I blog about?
Everything is happening so quickly even before I can catch up with it.
However, I'm surviving pretty greatly.
Thanks to my family for their support, my friends for their care and concern and for my baby for being there with me 24/7.
Well, not 24/7 but almost there for me every single day even if it's not physically.
Therefore, I'm really pleased and thankful for you guys. :D

I guess that's all for today.
I'm pretty sad right now but no point talking about it (:
A brand new beginning should be a happy one of course.
I know the reason behind this feeling but I ain't telling here and since no one cares about it too :D

Shall end it here.
Time to study! (:
Much Love
Falend Dicky Kosanto

BRING ME TO LIFE!!

My Blog Is Dying! Hmm

2010-01-07T20:14:00.004+08:00

I've no idea what to post recently.
My mind is blank ... completely!
Omg what's happening to me?
Anyway, I'm loving school nowadays. I know it has no freaking link with the previous line but I'm just saying that I love school nowadays.
The reason behind it is just that it really fills up all my emptiness! HAHA
It's good to laugh everyday with my classmates and lecturers you know. (:
Furthermore, they make me think less about my problems.

Talking about school, test result is just out yet.
It is a disaster!!
OMG!
Let's just list down all my marks! it will be shocking..
Digital Electronics - 87/100 (Top 5 Baby! ^^)
Electrical Electronic Engineering - 54/100 (Only 7 people passed in my class and I'm like no. 6. LOL. So I guess it's pretty good! Cohort average mark is ..... 47/100 LOL. Therefore I'm above average! ^^)
Mathematics in Engineering - 67/100 (Sucks to the core!)
Anatomy and Physiology - 43/100 (The worst of all! OMG I got the fucking lowest in class! Total disaster! I need to get 82/100 for the next test in order to get my A! Gonna work hard for this)

Well, result is quite a disaster but it never turns me off to work harder.
It makes me even becoming more anxious and hard working in oder to achieve a better result.
A winner never gives up right? (:
Okay, so this post is mostly about what's happening in this 1st week of school.
What else can I say about it?

Let's just put some photos up here.
Since it's getting a little dry. :D

HAHA. Thanks to these people that my school days never get any better! :D
I love them to the core. Okay, well not all of them but I'm not gonna spread bad rumors in my blog. HAHA.

Okay I guess I've to end here.
I'm thinking about posting a report on the Open House: Singapore Polytechnic
So I need to get photos to boost the excitement up.
It's just a thought so not sure yet.

Shall end it here :D
Much Love
Falend Dicky Kosanto

IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS! :D

Open House: Singapore Polytechnic

2010-01-04T08:55:00.004+08:00

Well, I'm in school now.
The first thing that caught my attention when I entered the school entrance was this big poster saying : 'Open House' 7 Jan - 10 Jan 2010.
This means that the poly will be filled with thousand of people.
Yay! I don't why but I just feel excited about it! :D

Anyway, let's just recall for a few days.
Happy New Year to all of you guys! :D
It's 2010 now and since school started, it means that I'll be blogging more often! :D
The more exciting thing is that I'm finally 18 years old baby! :D
So yeah, remember if you guys do have party please invite me! hahaha..

What should I start to say in this first post of 2010?
Well, let's start with my photo.

Haha, see the difference guys?
Okay, wasn't planning to cut to that extreme but the hair stylist did it without me noticing.
All he said was,"let's make more fantasy to the line!"
then it turned out to be like that.

What else? hmm..
Enjoy your new term guys! :D
Hope you like your new school! :D

Shall end it here.
Be back real soon! :D
Falend Dicky Kosanto
Much Love

WELCOME TO THE NEW SEMESTER! :D

Perfection Equals Boringness!

2009-12-28T00:10:00.003+08:00

Let's start the blog with wishing you guys..
Merry Christmas!!

Well, I know it's a bit late to wish since it's like been 3 days ago since the clock hit 12 o'clock midnight.
Anyway, I'm back to blogging.
Why?
Well, I don't even know why I've the courage to blog now after so many days off from blogging.
What should I say, these has been a super duper busy weeks for me.

I'm not gonna talk about what I did for christmas or anything since it's over for like a zillion years ago. HAHA
and it's nothing special, just another ordinary day I guess.
Somehow, this year christmas was rather plain and BORING!!

I'm sounded like a bitch since now and then.
LOL but well, I'm not! no worries! :D
Let's see now is 12.13 am dated 28/12/2009
which means it's roughly around 3 days to the new year.
What will I do on that day?
I've no clue about it.

What's more special than a new year is a new year for me! :D
My birthday is coming!
2 more days! yay.
I can't wait for sure because everything turns legal once the clock hits 12 am!
TOONNNG TOONNGGG!!

Let's just skip all the fun and stories till the day.
For now let's just stay in the present.
What should I start with?
Nothing much to talk about nowadays.
My mind is calm, my body is tired, my brain just stopped I guess.

Well, somehow people are expecting me to do more than something that I can.
Let me tell you guys that I'm an ordinary person too.
I've a limit and a breaking point for everything.
Do not expect me to do everything or to be someone that you wish I ever be.
Because it will never happen.
Since you want perfection, why don't you get yourself a robot?

I see everything so clearly now.
I know what's going on around me but I choose not to say anything out.
I'll keep it and just see how it goes.
For everything that's gonna happen, there's always a reason behind it.

Shall end it here.
Take care till anything bad happens.
I'm just absorbing and preparing for what's to come.

FALEND BE STRONG! IT'S GONNA BE OVER SOON! :D

My Thoughts, My Feeling

2009-12-17T04:28:00.002+08:00

I really don't know what's going on right now.
Everyone seems so quick and yet so slow.
How I wish I could move back the time but at the same time skip it to the future.
It really bothers me when someone told me I've changed into something that's bad.
I'm trying to figure everything out now because I really don't like what I see right now, everyone attitude's changing towards me without even me knowing the reason for the change.

I'm not blaming anyone for this tension rather I need to ask myself what actually have I done wrong?
I'm clueless and I'm trying to find the answer for everything.

I don't ever wish you to change.
I know you wish the same way too.
Maybe I am really too young and naive to face the reality.
Maybe I am not good enough for this thing.
However, I'm trying my hardest and I'm not giving up.
I'm not letting someone that I love and care the most to just walk away with the reason because of myself.

I'm sorry if I have hurt you in anyway.
I'm sorry for all the troubles that I've given you.
and I'm sorry for all the terrible things that I've done to you.
I know that you are very protective towards me.
I know that I'm weak and perhaps I'm depending too much on you.
I have lost my mind.
I have lost my self.
Please guide me through the darkest time of my life in regaining the real me.

Lady Gaga's Confession

2009-12-11T17:23:00.004+08:00

After all the fame and blitz light on her record and fashion style but somehow, it took a hard pay as a return. Her own dad thought that she was mentally unstable when he saw Lady Gaga's performances on stage.

However, instead of giving up, Lady Gaga strikes back and hits the top chart now with her singles 'Paparazzi' and the latest hit 'Bad Romance'.
Not only that, she earned the spot on the 10 most fascinating people in 2009.

Another issue, that has been airing for quite awhile is her fascination with women.
So the question is Lady Gaga really attracted to both women and men or only either women or men?
This is her answer,"Well, I do like women. [But] I've only been in love with men," she explained. "I've never been in love with a woman, but that's really what the song is all about: Why, when I was with my boyfriend, was I fantasizing about women?"

The last question for her on the interview with Barbara Walter was."thus, have you ever had sex with a woman before?"
Her answer was,"Well my goodness ... I certainly have had sexual relations with women, yes."

This is the interview video, enjoy guys! (:

and too entertain you guys, the latest song from Lady Gaga - Bad Romance.
Enjoy (:

I WANT YOUR LOVE, I WANT YOUR REVENGE