Beautiful Women Project

What Was Lost Has Now Been Found

2009-10-10T15:05:00.009-04:00

It has been many months since I have posted on The Beautiful Women Project site. I would like to thank the many faithful followers that continue to be interested in the our work, despite not posting on the site in recent months. I have decided to pick up where I left off, sharing thoughts and insights, commenting on popular culture, and chiming in on what makes women beautiful.

The truth as to the reason why I stopped writing is quite simple, I lost track of myself in the whirlwind of that which we all call life: work, the responsibilities of being a wife and mother, making sure there was food in the refrigerator, clothes were cleaned, soccer games were watched, homework was done, telephone calls were returned, bills were paid, and the list went on and on and on. I kept up the pace until it all took its toll on me and I simply...broke.

I have taken the past months to practice what I have been preaching - reflecting on who I am as a person, discovering and rediscovering what I really like about myself, opening up the luggage that I have been carrying around and taking out what no longer works for me in order to move forward. In order to have the future that I want I needed to look at what was not working in my life...and let go. Letting go has been the hardest part of the process. Letting go of old thought patterns and relationships has been the most challenging, but necessary in order to embrace the future.

As this blog evolves, my hope is that there will be more sharing of life experiences. It is through sharing that we know that we are not alone in our life's journey. It is my hope that we will have more commenting, and guest bloggers. If you are interested in sharing and idea or writing a weekly pieces, please do not hesitate to contact me through the site.

We are Stronger Than We Give Ourselves Credit For

2009-05-08T06:51:00.003-04:00

We all have things that keep us from moving forward with our lives, and it takes strength and courage to move through these experiences. The challenges come in different forms, and arrive in our lives at different stages of our personal development.

"How do I find my place?" "How do I develop a support system of friends that accept and support me for who I am today?" "How do I balance work and family?" "How do I find time for myself?" "Am I strong enough to run 2 miles?" "Am I strong enough to face what is ahead of me?"

Avoiding our challenges is easy, keeping our heads down and continuing on our current paths. Yet, when we do, we keep from moving forward with our lives. We miss out on all of the wonderful things that happen to us on our journey toward our goals. It is often the experiences along the way are often more valuable than our intended endpoint.

Springing Into Ourselves

2009-04-30T09:03:00.002-04:00

After a few weeks of needed respite, The Beautiful Women Project is back on-line.

Spring has arrived and it is one of the most wonderful times of the year. Like the flowers and trees, many of us are finding our energy again, growing and changing after a long winter's rest. Once again, it is time to open up our personal "suitcases" and peer inside. Sorting through our "stuff" is a wonderful exercise in self reflection and growth. Ask yourself, what are the things in my life that I want to continue to carry? These are elements of your being that support you, feel good to you, allow you to continue to grow and change. Then look at the things in your suitcase that are holding you down, don't make you feel good about yourself and your life, keep you from growing into the person you want to be in your lifetime. These things include thought patterns, habits, friends, jobs, and sometimes it may mean family members. It is hard to "unplug" from the comfortable, but what is comfortable may not be what is best for you as you create your life's picture. And that picture is a BEAUTIFUL image of yourSELF.

Enjoy the spring, it is a time of life and reflection on the past moving toward renewal for the future.

Maya Angelou: The Sum of Her Life Experiences

2009-03-19T07:31:00.004-04:00

The Beautiful Women Project received an email with excerpts of an interview of Maya Angelou on her 70th birthday. Interviewed by Oprah Winfrey, the two spoke candidly about many topics including body image and what she has learned throughout her lifetime. This interview is an excellent example of our belief that it is the sum of a woman's life experiences that makes her beautiful.

Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older, her response was simple and direct, "Exciting."

Regarding body changes, she said that there were many occurring everyday...like her breasts, "They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist...first."

Ms. Angelou went on to say:

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life goes on, and it will be better tomorrow."

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

"I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a life."

"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."

"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."

"I've learned that even when I have pains I don't have to be one."

"I've learned that everyday you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."

"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people never forget how you made them feel."

Honoring Women's History Month

2009-03-03T14:22:00.004-05:00

March is Women's History Month, a time to recognize the achievements of the women that have walked before us, to remember the obstacles that women overcame in order to achieve their goals, and to reflect upon those who sacrificed everything so our collective lives are richer today.

The Beautiful Women Project's message is simple, yet powerful: It is the sum of a woman's life experiences that makes her beautiful. It is how a woman meets her challenges and carries her experiences. As individuals, we are defined and shaped by our unique experiences. It is this personal history that makes us the women we are in our present moment.

As we reflect upon our shared history as women, it is important to take a moment and honor our personal history. A person's legacy is measured not by the great things they do, but the little things they do in great ways.

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week

2009-02-25T22:21:00.002-05:00

Across the country this week women and men are taking time out of their schedules to learn more about eating disorders and healthy bodies. Women's Centers, health centers, women's studies department, mentoring groups, and even book groups are taking time to bring this very important issue to the public. Eating disorders are not an individual issue, it is a family and community issue. Eating disorders are not only a medical issues for the female community, in fact, eating disorders in men are increasing at an alarming rate.

The Beautiful Women Project has a simple, yet powerful message: it is the sum of a woman's life experiences that make her beautiful. The Beautiful Women Project cannot change the fact that some determine a woman's beauty solely on her physical body. Our goal is to shift the focus from the body being the only determining factor of an individual's beauty to just a small part of what makes a person beautiful. This shift can occur. This shift needs to occur.

If there is an event going on in your area or college campus this week, check it out. Support the men and women who are doing their part to raise awareness of eating disorders across the country.

The Spirit of Doing NOTHING

2009-02-19T06:49:00.006-05:00

There is nothing that hits the nerves of women, especially those who feel as if she they have too much to do and not enough time in the day to do it all, more than seeing a man sitting on the couch watching television or (gasp!) napping as she is cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, or keeping the kids from tearing down the house one brick at a time. The punch line is that the reason she is so aggravated by his actions - or lack of action - is because she feels like she does not have the same PRIVILEGE TO DO NOTHING.

Well, it is time to stop denying ourselves the PRIVILEGE and DO NOTHING. A college psychology professor I recently met gave this assignment to his students years ago. The assignment would take one hour, and they had to make sure that nothing would interfere with this block of time. In this hour they were to do NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING. The purpose of the exercise was for them to experience what could happen if they disengaged from the whirlwind of life and re-engaged with themselves.

What an amazing idea. How often do women take an hour to do NOTHING? The answer is simple: never. There is a mind set that if we stop doing what we do, the house of cards will tumble down. Yet, there is nothing more important than taking time to do something, or in this case, nothing for ourselves. In an hour of contemplation so many amazing things can arise within; ideas can form, anxiety can ease, goals can come back into focus, or it can be time to just have peace of mind.

Find a time in your schedule and block out 1 hour of time. Make it a priority, a meeting, whatever you have to do to make it a full hour where nothing else will infringe upon this time. During the hour you may take a walk or journal, but refrain from speaking with anyone or any outside distractions. The most important element of the exercise is enjoy this one hour of doing NOTHING. Do not feel guilty for taking time out of your life to do rest, relax, and rejuvenate. Or, turn it around and make a weekly or monthly guilty pleasure, it costs you nothing but what a return on your investment!

Finding True Love Starts With Self Love

2009-02-11T21:24:00.003-05:00

Valentine's Day is here and it is all about love. Finding A True Love. Being Loved By Another. Imagining What it Feels Like When You Finally Find THE ONE LOVE of your life.

The thing about Valentine's Day love is that all of the love comes from outside of ourselves. It comes from class mates, boyfriends, partners, spouses...even just a glance from a friendly stranger can be enough to throw us into a tizzy on Valentine's Day. There is validation when we are loved by others. Yet, the greatest, most important love any of us can experience is the love we have FOR ourselves. Self love is overlooked and undervalued. In order to accept love from outside of ourselves, from others, we must accept and love ourselves completely for who we are and where we have been in our lifetime.

There are three great truths when it comes to love:

(1) First true love is irreplaceable in one's heart.

(2) Great love is impossible to put into words, it can only be felt.

(3) Self love is the most difficult love to find, but the most important to have in your life.

Putting it into Visual Perspective

2009-02-04T13:25:00.004-05:00

The Beautiful Women Project is committed to helping women find the very best of themselves throughout their life's journey. It is easy to get bogged down in the "little" things in life, the things that blur the BIG PICTURE - the things that REALLY MATTER.

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Beers

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 beers. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous and resounding "YES!" The professor then produced two beers from under the table and pured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed again.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions - and if everything else was lost, and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else - the "small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first, " he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all of your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend the time with your children. Spend time with your parents."

"Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical check ups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to cleaned the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad that you asked. The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers with a friend."

Take a moment to write down in your journal, sketch it out on paper, jot it on a crumpled piece of paper or napkin - whatever you have on hand. This exercise will provide you with visual perspective. Visual Perspective is like a second pair of eyes, it allows you a moment to step back and see what you have, or would like to have, in your life.

Remember you are the jar, these "objects" are what fill you up and make you whole.

The Golf Balls - Who or What are the important things that fill your life? If everything else fell away, and these are all that were left, you would still consider your life full
The Pebbles - Who or What are the other things in your life?
The Sand - The "small stuff" that tends to fill in the small empty spaces. These can sometimes bury the pebbles or blur how we see the golf balls.
The Drink - Who would you like to make time to sit with and just talk, share, laugh, let time pass?

Celebrities Finally Get it When It's Personal

2009-01-28T16:23:00.004-05:00

Apparently the reporting of Jessica Simpson's latest clothing choice and figure has touched very close to her sister's heart. Media outlets are reprinting and broadcasting Ashlee's response to the media's scrutiny of her sister, "Since when did a woman's weight become newsworthy?"

Is she serious? Her weight was commented upon when she was pregnant, but why didn't she speak out? Her sister's "Daisy Dukes" body was newsorthy - and promoted - for her television show and movie. Why didn't either sister speak out about their newsworthiness and weight during these periods?

Everyday there is an item on the morning shows and newspapers about weight, body image, or beauty tips. The paparrazzi are well paid by the tabloids for images of celebrities without makeup, leaving the gym, running, or (gasp!) eating. The funny thing is, until it hits really close to home, no one really speaks up and tries to put a stop to the criticism. Remember Jennifer Love Hewitt's outrage over the unflattering pictures of her in her bikini? Where was Ashlee Simpson then? How about the numerous images of Kirstie Alley snapped on the street? She was called out for wearing something resembling a tent, Jessica was only said to be wearing "Mom" pants. Apparently jeans that go around the hips are now called "mom' pants, before low rise jeans wasn't this the only way jeans were constructed? Then there was Lisa Marie Presley who was pregnant with twins but the media compared her "situation" to that of her father in his later days. And people wonder why there is a rise in underweight pregnant women.

The question Ashlee Simpson should be asking is not since when, but Why is a woman's weight newsworthy?

This is a wonderful question to put out there as February is National Eating Disorders Awareness Month.

The Image of the Inauguration

2009-01-22T09:42:00.005-05:00

As everyone watched the United States of America swear in its 44th President, all eyes were on the Obama family. It was magical to see the country came together, it was a sea of hope.

Nonetheless, in the midst of it all, the media didn't miss a beat in commenting and critiqueing the First Lady and her daughters' appearance. Focusing attention to one's appearance has become an acceptable part of our society. Not one media outlet commented upon the grace and poise these women showed as they too were in the center of the frenzy. Michelle Obama stood proud that day, not only of her husband, but in the knowledge of all that she too had accomplished in the days, months, and years leading up to that historical day. And everyone knows the integral part she played, and will continue to play in the coming years. The young ladies began a new life, a life that will be unlike anything that they have ever experienced, but are embracing as a part of their lives' journey. Yet, the media couldn't resist commented on their dresses, their coats, the reason they chose the colors of their dresses and coats, or her choice of a shoulder gown versus a halter gown. No one commented on the President's suit, tie, over overcoat. No one mentioned the President's white bow tie was crooked at the Neighborhood Ball. Media outlets are still "breaking down" the outfits of the women two days after the event and will continue every time there is a public event.

We all heard many wonderful, inspiring words spoke by the President that day. The atmosphere was electric. Because of what The Beautiful Women Project stands for, recognized that a woman's beauty is the sum of her life experiences...words cannot express how amazing it was when the first words the President spoke to the nation at The Neighborhood Ball was, "Doesn't my wife look beautiful tonight?"

He saw before him so much more than a woman standing before him in a white ball gown.

Stop Trying to Be Perfect and Find Happiness

2009-01-12T10:15:00.005-05:00

We can spend our lifetime chasing a concept of perfection, and never feel as if we have achieved our goal. Finding perfection is like running on a treadmill, unitl you shut off the machine it continues its unending cycle. Perfection is defined as, "...a person or thing that is the perfect embodiment of some quality." Instead of trying to become the perfect embodiment of something or someone else, why can't we accept ourselves as perfect the individuals we have already created with our life experiences?

Marcia, one of the women in The Beautiful Women Project, shared with me a wonderful piece of wisdom. She awoke one morning with a question in her head, "Do you want to be happy?" Her immediate response was, "Of course, who doesn't want to live their life being happy." She was immediately greeted with the thought, "Then stop trying to always be right and perfect." Marcia went on to teach me that trying to be right or perfect is the stuff that leads us down the road of low self esteem and self loathing instead of self love, sickness and disease instead of health and wellness.

Another Beautiful Women Project story brings home this point. Throughout her life, Suzi always had to be the best at everything: head cheerleader, valedictorian, college scholarship. She was well respected at the top of her profession, a super-mom at home and at her children's school, and kept an immaculate house. Everything was perfect accept the way she felt about herself. Exhausted from the chaos of it all, she realized that it was impossible to be everything to everyone, because there was nothing left for herself. She said good-bye to the notion of Perfect Suzi. Now the dinner dishes are delegated, morning meetings have to wait until the kids are off to school, and there are only a few things that take her away from her family nights and weekends. And in her newly imperfect lifestyle she has found a happiness she never had while trying to always be perfect.

Trying to be perfect is exhausting. Refocus your energy and give back to yourself. Recognize all of the things about yourself that are wonderful, that bring you joy, and that make you proud of the woman you are today.

A New Year, A Love Renewed

2009-01-07T11:20:00.007-05:00

The New Year. A celebratory time when all that has passed has passed and there is so much hope and goodness on the horizon. A time for new beginnings, new ways of thinking about ourselves, and reconnecting with our inner selves. The Beautiful Women Project would like to share with all of you this poem by Derek Walcott entitled, "Love After Love".

The time will come
When, with elation,
You will greet yourself arriving
At your own door, in your own mirror,
And each will smile at the other's welcome,

And say, sit here, Eat,
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.
Give wine, Give bread. Give back your heart
To itself, to the stranger who has loved you

All your life, whom you ignored
For another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

The photographs, the desperate notes,
Peel your image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Welcome to a New Year, A Love Renewed

The Greatest Gift

2008-12-24T22:00:00.004-05:00

The greatest gift we can give and receive this holiday season is the gift of self love. When we love ourselves, everything else in our lives begins to fall into place.

Love yourself for who you are and recognize how your became the woman you are today. Love the shape of your body and recognize that this vessel gets your through every minute of everyday - thank it for its work. Love yourself for what you have been through in your lifetime and bless the life you live, even if it seems to be difficult today.

Loving ourselves for who we are, how we carry ourselves ... this is a gift that keeps giving for the rest of our lives.

Happy Holidays.

Beauty and Breast Cancer

2008-12-14T21:31:00.003-05:00

The Beautiful Women Project is about the strength and beauty of women - one does not exist with the other.

This past week, one of our own was diagnosed with breast cancer. As she has throughout her life, she is facing this challenge with grace, courage, and beauty. I won't lie to any of you, she is frightened and confused, she has no idea what lies ahead, but she is facing this challenge with her head held high and her feet firmly planted in the ground. She is ready to fight. Nancy is drawing on the strength of her family, her friends, and those in her community that love her for who she is and the way in which she has touched their lives.

This amazing woman often thanks me for how The Beautiful Women Project has changed the way she sees herself as a woman, improved her relationships with her children and siblings, and opened her eyes to all of the good in her life. I see her quite often and have watched the transformation - she has embraced her beauty and continues to touch those in her life and community. She is more beautiful today than she was the day I met her and asked her to be a part of The Beautiful Women Project.

From this point forward, in her honor, any book purchased directly from the Beautiful Women Project web site will be donated to breast cancer organizations fighting the beautiful fight for women. Thank you for your support. Most importantly, I thank you for your thoughts and prayers for our Beautiful Woman.

Strengtheing Your Self Esteem

2008-12-02T21:49:00.004-05:00

You know how to make your body stronger, but how do you strengthen your belief in yourself? There are no research studies, no number of minutes per day we need to to raise our self esteem rate, no suggested number of reps per machine. Why can't building your self esteem be like strengthening your body?

Exercise 1: Start liking yourself for who you are and stop putting yourself down. Everyday take a moment to look in the mirror and say at least one thing you like about yourself. This may be uncomfortable at first, but in time you will begin to discover all of the wonderful things that make you ... you. Warning: You may not want to do this exercise when you are tight for time as you will find that as you get stronger, your list of likable attributes will get longer.

Exercise 2: Start accepting yourself for who you are and stop striving for perfection. Choose a day to stop yourself from always being right or perfect. It may be helpful to journal throughout the day about how you met particular situations and how you felt about each event. When you reflect upon the day you will find that you had incredible moments of happiness spread throughout your day. Repeat daily.

Exercise 3: Start smiling. A smile is powerful. A smile is transformational. It not only changes you, but everyone who sees your smile.

Now, none of these exercises have been sanctioned by any particular association, but I don't see the harm in trying them to make yourself a stronger person.

Exercise 3:

So Much to be Thankful For

2008-11-23T16:04:00.003-05:00

Even in the most challenging times, we all have so much to be thankful for in our lives. Thanksgiving is an opportunity to take a moment and give thanks for all that we do have in our lives instead of focusing on those things that are currently missing or seem out of our reach. Thanksgiving is also a time to look at the opportunities that lie before us, and remember that opportunities come in some of the most surprising shapes and forms.

Here is one minute exercise to do on your own - or even try it with your friends and family over the holiday.

(1) In thirty seconds list the things that you are thankful for in this moment of your life.

(2) In thirty seconds list the things in your life that you would like to change or that are proving to be extremely challenging for you in this moment of your life.

Take some time to reflect on both of your lists and give thanks for everything on both lists.

It is easy to be thankful for all of the things we want and have in our life. It is difficult to give thanks for your challenges and unwelcome situations, but you have the power within yourself to turn things around. By giving thanks for the things that you don't necessarily like or want, you are immediately changing the power that it has over your life. Simply finding the positive in something that seems overwhelmingly negative changes your life's dynamic.

Most importantly, remember that it is all a part of your life's journey and that....

LIFE + EXPERIENCE = BEAUTY

HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM THE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN PROJECT

The Beauty of Being a Girl

2008-11-18T23:41:00.005-05:00

There is something amazing about just being a girl. This past week the Beautiful Women Project has been at the Springside School for Girls in Philadelphia. It is an amazing place where the spirit of womanhood thrives. The girls come in all shapes and sizes, there are little girls moving upward and there are young women getting ready to move onward toward college. There is a sense of oneness, yet the knowledge that each and everyone of them is an individual. A wonderful example of this has been my favorite thing to observe: despite the requirement of wearing a uniform, each girl wears different socks and shoes that express their personalities, the way they feel that morning as they get dressed and how they want the world to see them throughout the day.

This wonderful school, and so many others like it across the country, is a living and breathing example of the beauty of being a woman. Woman are there for one another to support each other through good days and bad days. They are there to lift one another up toward their goals and catch them if they slip or fall on their way. They are there to help one another express their greatest delights or ther greatest fears. Yes, there is competition, but it is the kind of competition that builds one another up - not tear one another down. There is no greater bond that women share, regardless of all of the things that may seem to make us different, we all start out as little girls who grow into amazing women. There is just something so amazing about being a girl.

The Media - Image Maker or Societal Messenger?

2008-11-12T07:34:00.005-05:00

"Don't hate me because I am beautiful." A famous tag line from a shampoo commercial. Funny thing about the commercial is that I can't remember the brand of shampoo the ad men and women were trying to sell, nor the actress that spoke those lines. I have to admit I did use Google to do a quick bit of detective work to find that it was Pantene and the actress was Kelly LeBrock. The words stuck with me and, based on my Google search, many others in this world because they are still talking about that tag line. The notion that women would actually not like another woman because she was considered beautiful because of her physical appearance has stuck with our societal consciousness for almost twenty years since the airing of this commercial. Is this an example of the power of the media to create a behavior or is it the power we as a society can give words and images if we so choose buy into these created notions?

"I never know if guys like me for who I am or because I am so pretty." A line from a recent Ugly Betty episode. Truth be told, at some point in our lives, we do question why we are liked or loved by at least one individual. It is that great turning point in most love stories played out on the small or large screen. Remember Julia Roberts superstar character to Hugh Grant's simple bookstar character declaring that despite her celebrity status she was, "...just a girl looking to be loved...." Are these examples of the media having the power to put an idea into the heads of young girls and women or is the media giving power into our laps by letting our greatest insecurities out of the bag so that we no longer have to feel so alone and isolated in the world? Their is great strength in knowing that there are others out there that we can share our feelings and experiences...it allows us to grow.

So The Beautiful Women Project leaves you with these thoughts: Does the media have the power over society to change ideas and create behavior or is the media simply reflecting back onto society what is really going on but don't want to talk about out loud?

Finding Inspiration

2008-11-06T19:11:00.003-05:00

The Beautiful Women Project believes that our greatest life challenges should also be viewed as our greatest opportunities. Challenging times are a wonderful opportunity to ask ourselves, "What inspires me?" "Who inspires me?" "How can I inspire others?"

It is through inspiration that our greatest acts of love and kindness emerge from us. Inspiration turns acts of hatred into acts of kindness and compassion. Inspiration transforms a doodle on a scrap piece of paper into an image that transcends form and figure. Inspiration provides a pathway away from self hatred to a life filled with self love.

Inspirations is a wonderful gift that you can give to yourself and share with others around you. Your inspiration may just be how you get through the challenging opportunities that lie before you today.

Reflections on Halloween 2008 - The Year of the Trampy Costume

2008-10-26T16:45:00.008-04:00

Move over Scary Witch, Fairy Princess, Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and make room for Sexy Witches, Seductive Little Mermaids, and Trampy Cheerleaders?!?! Welcome to Halloween 2008 - The Year of the Trampy Costume.

Who thought that it was okay to take the innocence out of Halloween costumes for young girls, tween, and teens? Take a cruise down your local retailer and the costumes available for young girls are far too revealing for young girls and teens. The costumes for boys have them well covered: firemen, policemen, turtles, commandos...they even get props to complete their ensembles. The male pirate is covered from head to toe with pants and a flowing long sleeved shirt while the female version has a VERY short skirt and a form fitting short sleeved shirt. And who thought it would be "cute" for tweens and teens to dress like Playboy bunnies?

Moms are frustrated, they can't find costumes that are appropriate for their daughters to wear to school, community parades, around the neighborhood, or just around the house for dress up. Girls are upset with their mothers for not letting them wear the costumes they are seeing in the stores. Tempers are flaring, tears are being shed, time is drawing closer to the big parade and party. There are no Cinderella costumes that are appropriate for the ball.

Girls feel tremendous pressure everyday to grow up before their time. Is there really a need to pressure them to be sexy in their Halloween costumes?

The Beautiful Women Project's Second Anniversary and Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2008-10-12T20:37:00.003-04:00

This weekend marks The Beautiful Women Project's Second Anniversary. The Beautiful Women Project was launched on October 11, 2006, in Saratoga Springs, NY. In the past two years we have raised awareness of women's health initiatives, visited numerous art in public space venues, helped raise funds for countless not-for-profits, and through our outreach work have touched the lives of thousands of individuals.

I purposefully chose the month of October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, to launch The Beautiful Women Project. As women, every October, we are reminded how important it is to take the time to conduct self-examinations of our breasts. This very simple preventative measure is one of the best ways that we have gained ground in the fight against breast cancer. Unfortunately, all too often, something that is healthy for us as women - self examination, becomes something that becomes unhealthy. It is easy to begin the searching to find all of the things we don't like about our bodies - the bit of flesh coming out of the bra, the breasts that don't stand up at attention as they did when we were teenagers, the skin under our arms that hangs from the bone, the sun spots that run across the upper chest, the hips that may have widened after childbirth...the list can go on and on and on.

Beginning this month - WHEN YOU CONDUCT YOUR SELF BREAST EXAMINATION, instead of making a list of all of the things you don't like about your body write down one thing you LIKE ABOUT YOUR BODY. Next month, look at your list of one and add a second. Each month add something new that you like about your body to your list and by the end of the year you should have at least twelve things you like about your body and healthy breasts.

If you are one of the thousands of women who do not conduct their monthly breast exams because you don't like looking at your body in the mirror, take a moment to look at yourself in the mirror - fully clothed, and see your own beauty. Please take the time to honor yourself and conduct your breast examination, even if you do it with a shirt on this first month. Before, or after, write down one thing that you do like about your body. Next month, conduct your self exam again and write two things you like about your body - by the end of the year you will have at least twelve things you like about your body, be comfortable with your body, and you will be healthy.

It is also fitting that October 15th has been designated Love Your Body Day by the National Organization for Women. On this, and everyday, take a moment to recognize that your physical body is a small part of your individual beauty - it is the sum of your life experiences that shine through your body that makes you beautiful.

Forget the Shoulds, Just Be.

2008-09-28T16:53:00.006-04:00

In our minds we all have ideas about how we should look, how we should dress, how we should act, and even who we should strive to emulate. That is a whole lot of shoulds. What is wrong with just being who we are? The simple fact is, we are so focused on the shoulds, we have lost sight of the being we are all.

It is very important to reacquaint yourself with the person that you are today. What makes you feel beautiful? I have been asked, what do you mean? For me, I feel most beautiful when I am sitting alone in my bathroom waxing my legs. Yes, you really just read that sentence. It's quiet and intimate. I also feel amazing when I am behind the my camera...I am my true self. Some women feel beautiful when they are out in a restaurant having their hand held by the man they love, some feel beautiful reading under an elm tree in the summer, some feel beautiful singing along with their car radio. You may not be sure what that “thing” is off the top of your head, but through self-examination, you will find it.

Below you will find a series of random questions. Provide the answers that come immediately to your mind. I usually find your instinct serves you best. You are not being judged or graded, you don't even have to share your answers with your closest friend. Just enjoy the experience of your beauty. Enjoy being who you are in this moment of your life.

Favorite Soundtrack/Song:
Favorite Movie
Favorite Television Show
Favorite Time of Day
Favorite Season of the Year
Favorite Form of Exercise
Favorite Food
Favorite thing to Shop for
Childhood Ambition
First Job
Perfect Day
Indulgence

Biggest Challenge
Inspiration
Proudest Moment
Wildest Dream
Fondest Memory

Complete the following sentences:
I begin each day…
I end each day…
I am most comfortable…
I am most uncomfortable…

A person that sees me walking down the street would never believe/guess…
When I look in the mirror I see…

Living In & Loving the Body You Have Today

2008-09-21T16:09:00.006-04:00

This past weekend was my dearest friends' twentieth high school reunion. She was petrified about returning to see her high school friends, many of which she has not seen in twenty years. What petrified her most was that the physical body she has today doesn't resemble the body she had on graduation day. It was difficult for her to admit her fears and body image issues, but she was willingness to speak openly and honestly about her body to move through this body image challenge.

The first question that came to me was to ask: At 38, can your body resemble that of an eighteen year old girl? At eighteen, some girls are still growing and developing, some are just finishing puberty. Their breasts are "new", their hips can be quite slender and there is a marked difference between the buttocks, legs, and stomach of an eighteen year old and a woman past her thirties. Let's face it, regardless of how well a woman takes care of herself our bodies continue to develop and change over time. Skin stretches, hips expand, and other metabolic changes can result in physical changes. There is no denying that physical changes continue throughout a woman's lifetime. It is better to embrace the bodies that we have throughout our lifetime and be thankful for all that our bodies do for us everyday.

My second question was more personal: Why does it bother you that you have changed? For my friend it bothered her because in high school she was an athlete, extremely physically fit, and today she doesn't feel that her body reflects that part of her life. Today, her lifestyle has taken her in a different direction, not that of an active individual. She was quick to admit that since she became a mom she has neglected to take time out of her week to exercise, and eating on the fly has become the norm instead of the exception. Throughout the course of our conversation, she came to an awareness that this aspect of how she views her body is something that she knows that she can change, but the fear of failure has held her back from beginning to do the work. She wasn't even afraid of failing herself, it was letting her family and friends down if she couldn't stick with her routine, or ended up losing the weight and then gaining it all back one day. I reminded her that she can't do this for others, it has to be about her and what she wants from her life and her body. Her family and friends love and support her because of who she is, not the number on her scale.

By Saturday evening, my friend was comfortable in the knowledge that it wasn't an eighteen year old girl who would be walking into the reunion, so there was no reason why her body would resemble that of such a young girl. That is who she was then, not who she is today. In this moment of her life, she chose to let the experiences of the past twenty years shine through her for her old friends to see how they have shaped the person she is today.

Threads of Beauty

2008-09-15T19:10:00.003-04:00

For the past two summers I have been fortunate to have The Beautiful Women Project spend the summers at Wiawaka Holiday Retreat House for Women. It is a beautiful place in Lake George, NY and it is exactly what its name claims to be...a holiday retreat for women.

This year I led two workshops one entitled The Dynamics and Importance of Female Friendships and another on The Threads of Beauty. I created this workshop discussion specifically for a group of women who came to Wiawaka to spend their time together quilting. Not a quilter myself, I spent a great deal of time researching and learning about the art of quilting. Simply stated by the Columbia Encyclopedia, "Quilting is a form of needlework, almost always created by women, most of them anonymous, in which two layers of fabric on either side of in interlining are sewn together, usually with a pattern of back running (quilting) stitches that hold the layers together."

Quilting, a form of storytelling, is a six step process...Six steps that parallel the stories of the telling of an individual's life story.

1. Selecting a Pattern, fabrics, and batting...Who do I want to be? What is my story?

2. Measuring and cutting fabrics the correct size to make blocks from the patterns...An individual's life experiences are the building blocks of their life. We each have our own size and know what is best fit for our life.

3. Piecing blocks together to make a finished "top"...Meeting life's experiences and seeing opportunity in the good as well as the challenges.

4. Layering the quilt top with batting and bcking to make a "quilt sandwich"
5. Quilting by hand or machine through all of the layers of the quilt sandwich...Carrying your experiences so they shine through you for those around you to encounter and bask in your light.

6. Squaring up and trimming excess batting from the edges, sewing and stitching the binding to the quilt backing...Packing and repacking your luggage along your journey. What may have been important or worked in your life in the past may no longer serve you in your present moment.

What are the layers that hold your life together?