tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35411541998333728452024-12-18T22:21:10.223-05:00"You say "there is a fine line between what is complicated and what is complex".. That line is me ..." -Lola GatilloMara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-36147046356337707042010-11-30T11:37:00.003-05:002010-11-30T12:02:59.959-05:00

If men spent half the time they spend trying to get laid on their appearance ...getting laid would be so much easier..The cool breeze in Florida is reminding my that somewhere in the Northeast a man removes his coat ..only to reveal what he is about.. and 9 out of ten times I am marveled by the results. Whether it be argyle culture, rockabilly street wear, Brooklyn Hip Hop or Euro trip hop ..a

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-26526802146948060802010-08-02T14:44:00.004-04:002010-08-02T16:00:15.819-04:00

Naked .. is probably one of the hardest things to interpret with photos or art ..even though it seems obvious ..For the past two days I've struggled with being naked ..looked at dozens of naked pictures of people ..buildings ..I've drawn myself naked trying attach a picture to the feeling of being truly naked ...in front of another human...What I have learned is that being naked has absolutely

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-54727363880973038642010-07-05T00:36:00.005-04:002010-07-05T01:24:51.670-04:00

So I made it back from Ct with a new resolve. The "Fellow Fashonista" turned out to be a Complete and total "WANNABE". Ill mannered, highly unprofessional ..and a bit of a pathological liar. Yes folks I ended up participating in a bootleg version on MTV's "MY SUPER SWEET 16". The only difference is that the the B-Day girl turned 35 and Mom and Dad's money was not involved. So yes I got dooped,

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-3790969789841401662010-05-06T12:14:00.004-04:002010-05-06T12:44:09.493-04:00

Wow.. I am less than three weeks away from the big birthday and I cannot seem to get inspired enough to write. My last post really took it out of me..Needless to say I am close to leaving my "New England Bulge" in the past ..even though it feels like the fat cells are staging some sort of "sit in" a la Malcolm X... They are not trying to leave, and are holding on for dear life ..."by any means

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-58959842732830716092010-04-12T17:38:00.004-04:002010-04-12T18:56:10.214-04:00

Well .. Last time I checked I only have 15 lbs to go before I reach my "Pre- Connecticut Weight" and I am 40 days away from my birthday. Wow it has taken me 160 days to peel away years of issues and 42 lbs of work relocation, higgnation, and snowstorm misery. Just so you know :Bad relocation changes, a bad relationship and wearing the same suit to work every day compiled with 8 months of winter

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-65284384515747345892010-03-21T15:38:00.006-04:002010-03-21T17:46:45.657-04:00

A lazy Saturday afternoon turned into quite the learning experience..I was planning a an afternoon of channel flipping when I ran into "Enter the Dragon" .. normally I would have flipped to "Bridezillas" or some re run of a vintage Jlo flick .. But I guess the rush that I got from feeling the vibration of a high performance engine between my legs the night before .. made me a bit testosterone

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-39982919804083840482010-03-16T21:59:00.006-04:002010-03-16T22:59:37.059-04:00

Well believe it or not .. I did hear from the sleaze bag,trailer trash dating jerk ..the next day about midday..And guess what I got .. a huge question on his behalf "WTF is your problem??" My jaw dropped ..then he proceeded to justify his manly right to screw as many bottom dwellers as he chooses. Why?? because "it's not like we are together".Fortunately..or NOT .. There is a gas station around

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-65202058371742953812010-03-14T13:10:00.013-04:002010-03-14T15:15:03.708-04:00

So.. dating again..or I thought I was...until I ran into him out with another girl !! and not a very attractive one at that.. He always tells me he loves how I smell, and that I look so nice , opens doors and breathes in the fact that I am the epitome of a woman.. from my carefully contoured face to my polished finger tips ..I taste expensive..He runs his fingers through my hair ,intoxicated by

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-40360854464802374802010-03-09T23:10:00.007-05:002010-03-10T00:13:48.672-05:00

Time again has stood pretty still these past couple of weeks...Writer's block firmly in place.. Working through the worms ..and rediscovering passion.. it's like I was liberated by publicly discussing the one thing that I had kept so hidden..and at the same time working through how to re discover my sexual being. The universe has definitely delivered plenty of opportunities to show me that I am

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-31124477325353113342010-02-24T22:09:00.006-05:002010-02-24T23:25:19.808-05:00

I now understand why most people keep their CANS OF WORMS nice and closed..Once you peel back the aluminum lid ..It's over ..there is no where to hide ...there is no amount of duct tape can keep that lid closed...What now?? Relief comes with a large dose of terror as you try to piece your memories together and take inventory of all of the worms... You try to categorize them somehow ...but they

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-54403328136725313632010-02-20T17:20:00.006-05:002010-02-20T18:32:37.167-05:00

Time has literally stopped for a week . Actually it started about 3 days before Valentines Day..I've done some interesting things..like go on a date..and then get stood up by someone else..Heard some amazing VDay stories... cut my hair ,lost two more pounds,Oh and discovered that I had blocked out my first kiss..See a subject that I have been fearful of discussing with myself is the fact that at

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-61539990527248722032010-02-11T18:56:00.004-05:002010-02-11T19:49:10.713-05:00

Today I celebrate a big win..The more trust in this process the more God uses those around me send me little reminders of who I truly am ..Riding in the car the other day..An old Bjork CD made its way back into my life..I remembered her..I realized this CD sat in my brothers car to remind him of when we last were together.. She brought me back my youth, the sense of wonder I had lost through the

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-41423352807320006262010-02-02T23:23:00.007-05:002010-02-08T10:33:09.297-05:00

Well.. I have flirted two of my issues in the last few posts ..Love of men and food.. The first five were just about losing it all including my mind and getting the HELL out of CONNECTICUT. Sorry CT "It was not you ...it was me". So where am I now? Well... now that I have the fried butter eating roller coaster of love riding furry yellow MONSTER somewhat under control. I can focus on MY TRUE

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-24205034678322690332010-01-31T14:19:00.004-05:002010-01-31T15:05:45.613-05:00

22lbs ...The funny part is that it looks like I have had 22lbs of fat lipo sucked from my body. This is not the first time I have encountered weight loss and this time it looks and feels so different. I love looking like an overgrown playboy bunny. it's my favorite look. The boobs are great, the waist is small and the butt nice and lifted ..There's just more to me than your typical bunny ,

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-72049028541644518932010-01-28T09:40:00.009-05:002010-01-28T10:20:55.809-05:00

There is only one place where one can truly have a good ol' Pity Party! It usually is dark damp and smelly and most of all quite lonely. It's soundtrack is every song that ever reminded you of him and the walls bear the marks of others that have tried desperately to crawl out. Being a former Manhattan Girl,channeling Kimora Lee Simmons and her 14k gold accented toilet would have been my way to

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-32697129156156671982010-01-27T09:56:00.006-05:002010-01-27T10:36:12.287-05:00

Well....I did not join the circus.My hair looks better than it did yesterday and my clothes were not ripped. I survived. I cried ...alot it wouldn't stop. I've been listening to "Korn", "Rage Against the Machine" and "Tool". Pretty much the only music I can stomach.Love songs have been put on the list with the rest of the empty calorie foods I cannot consume and will not consume for a very long

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-47806378489130263792010-01-26T14:05:00.006-05:002010-01-26T14:52:57.636-05:00

So....he has a new girlfriend..I heard through the grape vine.Funny, I had no idea when I last posted. I found out about 30 minutes ago..and since have been fighting urge to puke,tear my clothing , rub dirt on my face and hair and then join the circus.She calls him baby..I always called him by his last name..it was easier that way..keeps you from getting too close(BIG FAT LIE). The truth is I got

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-30080855237904902102010-01-20T21:54:00.011-05:002010-01-20T23:12:41.427-05:00

" Now that you've picked this flower what are you going to do with it." "It is what it is Baby girl." "I have always seen you." "It's good to be seen by you." "If I tell you what I like about you then you will hold it over my head, but you have a good heart." "You are selfish." " No matter what I say, you already believe what you wanna believe." "I know I'm a loser." " I'm sorry to hear

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-69629925622080194172010-01-19T15:00:00.004-05:002010-01-19T15:18:39.637-05:00

Excited as I was to learn that I had lost another 6 lbs, These past 10 days have felt like 5 months. Food was not really an issue for as I have actually found pleasure in my 800 calorie diet , as I view it as my first step into "skinnydom" and practice for the remaining years of my life. Don't worry it won't be 800 for ever!!! I keep telling myself, However honestly it will probably never be more

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-39647852363602764192010-01-09T17:27:00.007-05:002010-01-09T18:09:46.986-05:00

This is the girl that I miss. Believe it or not this picture was about 4 years ago in my tiny apartment in the city. I had to stay thin..Not much can fit into an Upper East Side 300 square foot studio. It was 6am and as my favorite NY conquest made "the walk of shame" He decided to record what I looked like straight out of bed. I did not even think twice about it, I even stopped to strike a semi

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-32678371900014955642010-01-07T08:26:00.005-05:002010-01-07T08:51:18.748-05:00

With 4 days of my weight loss protocol under my belt, I am surprised to say that my arms are still intact! The occasional sleeping pill has replaced the uncontrollable desire for a HORSE TRANQUILIZER, and my only side effect is the peeing! Incessant and annoying. Just call me SEA BISCUIT! Oh and there is also the recent uncontrollable urge to have a MARTINI, which I think is my body responding to

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-47846360592079905402010-01-03T09:55:00.006-05:002010-01-03T10:17:55.274-05:00

Well needless to say I have finally said good bye to 2009..It took me two days longer than everyone else! Seems like as the year ended I began to actually release all of the crap I was truly pissed about in this last year, so the side effects took a couple of days to subside. I spent the weekend scaring myself to death watching youtube videos on HCG diets and how to place the injection.So today

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-33338533319245456842009-12-30T03:47:00.002-05:002009-12-30T04:22:12.900-05:00

It's 3:30 am and I'm up with no intention to go back to bed. Nicely done for a person with mild sleep apnea that easily falls asleep while driving. Today is my first appointment at "Fat Camp" or Transformations Advanced medical weight loss. These are the folks that are going to help me get my body back .I selected a program that is comprised of HCG shots, appetite suppressants and a strict diet

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-63628412881600759242009-12-26T22:56:00.003-05:002009-12-26T23:25:28.158-05:00

So with no job, no boyfriend and the impending 40th birthday coming up in May of 2010I figured that I would move back near the family(scary thought) and figure out what was next.I made the following plan.(in this order)1. Go to fat camp. If celebreties get paid to look good, why shouldn't I ? 2. Lose at least 100 lbs before my birthday.. yes ladies I'm pushing 300 and it sux! 3. Find a new

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3541154199833372845.post-23110844164735189762009-12-26T22:33:00.002-05:002009-12-26T22:55:58.626-05:00

I was chilled to the bone , leaving VA that morning. I drove in silence for 100 miles , no radio.. The radio made me think of him..eventhough I always thought of him from the day we met the summer of 2007. Seee he is that one little peice of baggage that one of you will eventually have to pry from my cold dead hands one day, like a little old lady's favorite rosary, He is the prayer I recite

Mara Riverahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14199298179137447533noreply@blogger.com0