because i am who i am

ELF

2012-01-31T09:49:00.000-05:00

Alright, I'm incredibly late on this post (wrote this down in early December), but it's about my favorite movie and I have to post! Have you ever seen Elf? Well, if you haven't, it's the BEST MOVIE EVER! Watch it! We watch it several times a year at our house; not necessarily at Christmas. I compiled my top 5 favorite quotes from the movie:

1. The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear!

2. Does someone need a hug????

3. I just like to smile. Smiling's my favorite.

4. Do you want to go eat food?

5. Buddy the Elf. What's your favorite color?

Four Glorious Years

2012-01-07T12:35:00.000-05:00

Four years ago today, I detached myself from a habit I thought I was unable to live without. I was a complete mess and so was my life. I'm not saying it was easy. In the beginning, it certainly wasn't easy at all; but I'm proof that you can.

I am openly honest about my former drug addiction and I have no desire to be otherwise. If you're interested in judging, that's you and Your Walk. I am completely comfortable with who I am, who I was and who I strive to be. I always say this because it's true:

If I'd not been there, I wouldn't be here. That's my motto, I guess you'd say.

Honesty is an important step for my recovery. I'm not exactly sure how the 12 steps work, but my steps have been honesty and support from those I love. Unfortunately, along my way there have been looks of disbelief and judgement; which I'm sure happens to everyone to who makes a change in their lives. For some reason, people tend to judge that that they do not understand or are unwilling to remove from their lives.

I wish I could wrap my arms around every one that experiences this pain in their life and tell them, it gets better. It gets easier. It gets glorious!

I want so badly to be a recovery advocate. I want to shout my story from the rooftops and help those that need it. Sadly, I know from my own recovery, you have to have the "want to" before anything changes. I struggled with drug and alcohol addiction in some form or another from 15 years old. I am now 32 years old and completely drug and alcohol free! So, when i say life is glorious, that's an understatement.

If you read this and have any suggestions on how I may go about being a recovery advocate, please feel free to comment here. Also, feel free to share this publicly or privately to anyone you feel may need to hear this! SUPPORT IS KEY!

Reflections of 2011

2011-12-31T22:34:00.002-05:00

Owen's snoozing soundly in bed and it's time to relax and reflect on this beautiful year that I have been blessed to have. I am certain this year has been superb due to my walk with Christ. I have put forth more effort during 2011 than I have my whole life towards choosing good and living that way. Sure, I fail sometimes. Don't we all? Yes, we do. Whether you choose to admit it to yourself or not, we all do fail sometimes in our walk. The great part is, everything is a learning experience and we can all do differently when faced with the same situation in the future.

I have made a conscious effort to do many things this year including:

Detaching myself from a crutch I've somehow formed since I was 15 years old --- alcohol. Today makes one year without it and I've only had the urge once; back in August (needless to say, I fought the urge and won). The only other time in my life that I've been without alcohol for this long was during pregnancy/nursing, which wasn't a problem at all because I had too. This time, however, I had no reason to quit other than the fact that I no longer wanted it in my life. That's a good feeling of accomplishment and very much progress for me in my life, here on Earth.
Eliminating venomous relationships and/or people from my life; no matter what the immediate cost. I'm sure this sounds harsh, but it isn't intended that way. This is truth. I try very hard to help anyone in any way that I can, but at some point I started realizing that not every one wants help; some folks just want to take advantage of kindness.
Strengthening my relationship with Christ. Walking with Him helps me to make the best decisions for me and my family.
Continuing with my degree at OTC. It's been stressful at times, but will be worth it, in the end. I am very excited about graduating from college. I should graduate in 2013. I'm proof that it's never too late to go back to school.

These are just a few highlights of my glorious year. 2011 has been the best [whole] year of my life (so far) and I look forward to many more years to come (God willing).

Take a moment to reflect on what you're grateful for instead of the things you're not. You may just find you're more blessed than you think.

Happy New Year!

End of the Year Start for the New Year

2011-12-29T23:50:00.000-05:00

So, I've been wondering what goals I could set for 2012 and stumbled into this little diddy:

30 Day Challenge

This is sure to be one of many and as much as I like photos, I'm sure I'll enjoy this. I saw this floating around Facebook this year and never attempted it, but now, I think I'll try it. Hopefully, I will finish all thirty days worth.

I printed a copy to remember (yes, I'm lost without lists and/or photos to remind me...).

------------------------Day 1: 12/30/11--------------------------

Self Portrait

Here's day one. I was trying to "think outside the box", but I got nothin' at this point! This is the first day right? So, I'm good. Do you know how hard it was for me not to add effects to this one? I even wandered around picnik and tried to do a few simple things, but it took away from the realness, so I discarded the edits and here I am. I wanted the first self-portrait to be the "real" me. The me that I am the most. The me that is normally straight out of the shower with zero make-up; forehead wrinkles and all.

Day one down, twenty-nine to go!

------------------------Day 2: 12/31/11--------------------------

What I Wore Today

Most of the time I'm comfort first. Rarely am I glamorous! This is was I wore today. T-Shirt, jeans and flip flops. I also managed to catch me with my eyes closed.

Day two down, twenty-eight to go!

------------------------Day 3: 1/1/12--------------------------

Clouds

Of course I had to spruce up my clouds a bit. Love these!

Day three down, twenty-seven to go!

------------------------Day 4: 1/2/12--------------------------

Something Green

I really love my Feather Hair Clip, so I thought I'd share a picture with you. I opted for up close instead of far away.

Day four down, twenty-six to go!

P.S. I am really looking forward to tomorrow's photo. I get to climb!

------------------------Day 5: 1/3/12--------------------------

From a High Angle

Ugh, I have to confess, this is a picture from August 13th, 2011. I love it!!! I have been wondering where I could use this photo. I absolutely adore this angle of my little munchkin. We were playing in the rain on this day. I hope this doesn't mean I've failed the challenge.... In my defense, it was cold outside today. I know, I know, I could have taken a picture inside, but I was looking forward to climbing a tree!

Day five down, twenty-five to go!

------------------------Day 6: 1/4/12--------------------------

From a Low Angle

This was spur-of-the-moment and I am infatuated with it for some reason. I like the way the light bulb isn't just lit, it's glowing.

Day six down, twenty-four to go!

------------------------Day 7: 1/5/12--------------------------

Fruit

You say tomato? I say yummo!

Day seven down, twenty-three to go!

------------------------Day 8: 1/6/12--------------------------

A Bad Habit...

I've done really well this week. I've drank less than 12 in five days. That's AWESOME for me!

Day eight down, twenty-two to go!

------------------------Day 9: 1/7/12--------------------------

Someone I Love

xoxoxoxo

Day nine down, twenty-one to go!

------------------------Day 10: 1/8/12--------------------------

Childhood Memory

This is my Popples from 1988. I carried her everywhere; even in the forts I built throughout the house.

Day ten down, twenty to go!

------------------------Day 11: 1/9/12--------------------------

Something Blue

One of my many favorite things to do...paint!

Day eleven down, nineteen to go!

------------------------Day 12: 1/10/12--------------------------

Sunset

Sadly, I had to use an old sunset photo (June 25th, 2011) because I was in school this evening and it was impossible to get the sunset!

Day twelve down, eighteen to go!

------------------------Day 13: 1/11/12--------------------------

Yourself with 13 Things

Sure, I could have chosen 13 things I adored but I thought this was a better idea! 13 plastic bugs!

Day thirteen down, seventeen to go!

------------------------Day 14: 1/12/12--------------------------

Eyes

Too much makeup.

Day fourteen down, sixteen to go!

------------------------Day 15: 1/13/12--------------------------

Silhouette

Just happened to stumble into this!

Day fifteen down, fifteen to go!

------------------------Day 16: 1/14/12--------------------------

Long Exposure

This was my first ever experience with Shutter Speed! How nifty!!

Day sixteen down, fourteen to go!

------------------------Day 17: 1/15/12--------------------------

Technology

Possible to live without these, but I'd rather not!

Day seventeen down, thirteen to go!

------------------------Day 18: 1/16/12--------------------------

My Shoes

They take me everywhere!

Day eighteen down, twelve to go!

------------------------Day 19: 1/17/12--------------------------

Something Orange

Clearly grasping at straws for today; my screensaver...

Day nineteen down, eleven to go!

------------------------Day 20: 1/18/12--------------------------

Bokeh

Hopefully I got this right... Just goes to show how little I actually know about real technique.
UPDATE: I know I didn't get this right .... 1/26/12 :)

Day twenty down, ten to go!

------------------------Day 21: 1/19/12--------------------------

Faceless Self-Portrait

I love this necklace. Found it at a Consignment shop on sale for under $5!

Day twenty-one down, nine to go!

------------------------Day 22: 1/20/12--------------------------

Hands

Shaped as a heart, of course.

Day twenty-two down, eight to go!

------------------------Day 23: 1/21/12--------------------------

Sunflare

I didn't think the sun would ever come out for this picture. Isn't it beautiful?

Day twenty-three down, seven to go!

------------------------Day 24: 1/22/12--------------------------

Animal

Here's Kitty....

Day twenty-four down, six to go!

------------------------Day 25: 1/23/12--------------------------

Something Pink

The pink ribbon I wear in my hair to The Relay for Life for my two closest breast cancer survivors.

Day twenty-five down, five to go!

------------------------Day 26: 1/24/12--------------------------

Close Up

Mommy Cow Tail and Baby Moo.

Day twenty-six down, four to go!

------------------------Day 27: 1/25/12--------------------------

From a Distance

Day twenty-seven down, three to go!

------------------------Day 28: 1/26/12--------------------------

Flowers

These are beautiful and right in my front yard.

Day twenty-eight down, two more to go!

------------------------Day 29: 1/27/12--------------------------

Black & White

Day twenty-nine down, one more to go!

------------------------Day 30: 1/28/12--------------------------

Self-Portrait

Day 30 down, mission accomplished!

I have learned that I know very little about technique, but I still love taking pictures. I have also learned that I will be attempting my own photo challenge On The Fly! I think it will be more fun to capture those moments that pop into my mind!

My True Love and Me

2011-12-25T21:17:00.002-05:00

On our 10th year of Christmas my true Love gave to me: one En-gage-ment Riiiiing! We've been together nine years today. We've had our ups and downs; nothing worth fighting for is easy. Through it all, we're still going strong.

We haven't set a date. I think we'll just enjoy the moment for a while. Maybe in 2012, maybe in 2013. We'll know when it's time. This will only happen once, so I need time to plan and sew my dress for our day.

I love Andy. He's perfect. I love him.

There's Something About Alisha

2011-12-24T00:10:00.000-05:00

Now that school's out, I have some free time and the strong urge to blog. About anything and everything! It's All Random! This entry started back in August and I'm finally getting around to it.

My favorite color is Brilliant--anything brilliant, bright & colorful.

I prefer crunchy over creamy peanut butter because it's peanuttier!

I am, without a shadow of a doubt, addicted to Diet Coke.

My eyes are from birth, not from contacts.

I write in every book I own.

I have been given way more than my share of second chances in my life and I, to the best of my ability, "Pay It Forward" by helping others when I can.

I am creative. If I were to use one word to describe myself, creative is what it would be.

I adore highlighters, markers, crayons, pens, colored pencils & paint.

I have Post-it Notes stuck everywhere. Always.

I am a list maker.

I wear an eye mask to bed. Always.

I am a junk food junkie.

I heart vintage.

I collect: funky ashtrays, vintage pillowcases, vintage saucers & fabric.

I love to exercise. I am far from thin, but I am fit.

I love College and it loves me.

Motherhood is a perfect fit for me.

In These Moments

2011-12-21T22:21:00.002-05:00

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance --- James 1:2-3 (NIV)

People come into our lives because He wants them there. In these moments we are given, we are given the chance to be compassionate. We are given the chance to share in His Grace. We are given the chance to hear someone's story and have it make a difference in our lives.

Cherish the time you are given.

Puzzled and Slightly Interested

2011-12-19T23:37:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I'm a Facebooker. We all know this. I also neurotically change my password with good reason apparently:

I am puzzled, but slightly interested why anyone would want to access my account. I just don't understand, I guess. Wow.

Tangled Up in View

2011-10-18T19:46:00.000-04:00

Since Christ has transformed me and is first in my life, I've been getting lots of mixed reviews. The greater percentage of people are complimentary towards me. I also get a percentage of disbelief and fabricated smiles. Surely you know by now (if you read anything that I've written), that I do not in any way, shape or form, claim to be perfect. I am not. I am me. ALWAYS. No matter who's present.

I could fill you full of fairy tales and say the fabricated smiles and looks of disbelief do not bother me, but they do. I find myself spending more and more time alone and yet, I am not lonely. I turn to Him.

Matthew 7:13-20

13. Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
14. Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.
15. Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
16. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
17. Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
18. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
20. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

Be Available

2011-10-15T23:46:00.001-04:00

I was reading From the Pastor's Heart (Charles Stanley) in my monthly newsletter from InTouch today & this is glued in my mind:

In the segment near the end of the letter, there's a piece (tried to find the link and couldn't, sorry folks; if you're interested in the rest, comment below and I'll be glad to email it to you) regarding How can I pray so powerfully? What does this kind of prayer require?

#5 in the list states:

Be available for whatever the Lord calls you to do. You may not understand His instructions to you, and you may even fear the consequences of obeying Him. Do it anyway. God knows the exact path necessary for you to succeed--and He won't let you down. You are always safest when you are in the center of His will and plan.

Then, after the Fall Festival at Church, I always "stalk" (so to speak) Joyce Meyer on Facebook because she's fabulous! Here's what I stumbled upon:

Declare war on selfishness today and be determined to reach out to others in their pain and need. The one thing we must never do is nothing! -Joyce Meyer

This may not make sense or be connected in any way for you, but it's a connection for me. For that, I am grateful. I Praise Him!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

2011-10-01T18:51:00.001-04:00

- ALL women are STRONGER than their insecurities.

-The focus in EVERY family IS family.

- EVERY single child that's born is LOVED, APPRECIATED, CHERISHED, HAPPY and SECURE.

- Hate DOESN'T exist.

- Love IS the answer.

I Praise Him.

2011-09-17T21:42:00.002-04:00

I wanted to stop and state how grateful I am for His presence in my life. I must stop for a moment and Praise Him because He is ultimately responsible. For so many years, I wondered aimlessly through life not understanding anything really. I think back through all my years when I was lost and wonder how I ever made it through.

I am quite grateful I did because Christ has introduced me to a life I've never known. Things aren't always perfect, but even when I have a day that's the pits, it's still an amazing day that I've been given to Praise Him.

I've noticed the changes in myself, as well as others noticing the changes in me. My fuse isn't nearly as short as it used to be. My patience is growing stronger. I now choose to walk away from conflict where I used to be all in without thinking. I am not perfect, but I strive on a daily basis to walk closer with Him.

I read my Bible frequently as I am faced with questions. I am faced with questions more and more these days. I view everything in a different light.

1 John 1:6-10 (NKJV)

6 If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.

7 But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.

8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.

I'm Banishing This Growl Day

2011-07-26T15:47:00.000-04:00

Today, has been a GROWL day, for no apparent reason. It wasn't until I turned this day around, by not giving in to the urge to say heck with everything and take a nap, that I realized, hellllllllllo, everything's on the right track, what's wrong with you? Yes, I talk to myself; so sue me. Most of you probably do too, you're just scared someone might think you've lost it and won't admit it. That's okay. I'm okay with me, you be okay with you.

So, I've done the world a favor and stayed home, minus my trip to the corner store. I felt I was on my best behavior. I think I did good! Now, that I changed the path of this day, my attitude is subsiding (thank goodness). I'm almost early on all of my homework (which is rare, for me) and I'll be able to turn in early this evening and get myself back into my normal (normal for me anyhow) sleeping habits!

MiD to the TerM

2011-07-21T21:32:00.002-04:00

Adobe Photoshop CS5 and Discovering Computers

When they said Summer Session would be a cram session, they meant it! We are changing from quarter to semester system this Fall, so Summer Session is only five short weeks!

In 14 lovely days, I have completed:

--- 9 Chapters

--- 509 pages of reading

--- 8 tests ( five 100's, 98, 96 & a 95)

--- 449 Key Terms (only 117 I had to type out-thank goodness!)

--- 2 Photoshop Discussions (My posts, plus reply to 8 others)

--- 5 Work Ethics Posts

--- 60 Matching

--- 66 True/False

--- 48 Multiple Choice

--- 3 Case Problems

--- 6 Tutorial Drop Files

And a Partridge in a pear tree. I can't even begin to image how many cups of coffee and diet cokes I drank to make this all happen! Whew! It's been busy, to say the least! It's totally worth it! I love college and I'm glad I made the decision to go! I'm even more glad I made the decision to stick with it until the finish!

Now, time to get working on the next two weeks!

I Walk the Line

2011-06-23T22:20:00.000-04:00

The definition of a Christian is as follows:

Chris·tian (krschn)

adj.

1. Professing belief in Jesus as Christ or following the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus.

2. Relating to or derived from Jesus or Jesus's teachings.

3. Manifesting the qualities or spirit of Jesus; Christlike.

4. Relating to or characteristic of Christianity or its adherents.

5. Showing a loving concern for others; humane.

1. One who professes belief in Jesus as Christ or follows the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus.

2. One who lives according to the teachings of Jesus.

Christianity is based on Faith. Faith that He exists, although you cannot see.

I am a believer.

I have dedicated my life to being more Christ-like, in every move that I make. I fall short some days. I react to situations with frustration sometimes and I shouldn't. I turned to Christ because my life was filled with so much good and I felt compelled to do so. On occasion, I am judged for this and that's okay. I try my best not to return the judgement.

It is difficult at times, the way people react to the fact that I am walking with Christ. It is common for people to be uninterested in the joy I attempt to share. Under no circumstance do I pressure folks to feel the way I feel or believe what I believe. People tend to have a hard time accepting my walk because of the person I used to be. That's also okay.

I am very grateful that God saw fit for me to become a Mother because, it was then, my life changed. I would like to think this change will be forever. I would like to think I will walk with Christ for the span of my life and learn as much as I can regarding His teachings.

Christ does not pressure us to believe, but He's there if we choose to. I cannot explain the inner peace that I feel since I've chosen my walk with Him. It's a calm that's never existed inside me. I chose baby steps to begin with. I started reading my Bible at home, which I've done sporadically, for years. This time, I've stuck with reading it. I made lots of excuses for not going to Church. The main one being that I was scared someone would ask me a question that I didn't know the answer to. Silly, right? Now that I think about it, it's incredibly silly.

Another reason I felt I didn't "need" to attend Church was because I was a sinner. Well, that is the very reason I should have been there. Hello, we're all sinners. Some more than others, but that's just it, it's all sin!!!!!

We don't have to be perfect to go to Church.

Somehow, this myth was introduced and too bad we can't rewind and take it back because it's prevents worthy folks from going.

We are ALL worthy of God.

Don't ever let anyone tell you any different. We ALL deserve to Praise God for His many blessings.

The way I look at things, situations and people are completely different than before I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. I don't deny the bad I have been responsible for in my life. The only thing I can do is forgive myself and move forward with no intentions of replaying them. God has forgiven me and I have forgiven myself. That's all that can be done. It IS that simple, although some folks may think there's more to it, it is that simple.

I do my best to be a servant for Him. He guides me where I need to go and I listen. God has guided me for a while now. I wake up on a daily basis and see where He leads me next. Things aren't always simple and they're not always going to be simple, but my walk with Him leads me where I should be.

It is all in His Master Plan.

I Don't Think it's Hot Enough

2011-06-13T18:30:00.000-04:00

As I sit here quietly (with no pending homework), jamming to my iPod, as Owen and Andy both sleep soundly, I think to myself: ahhhhhhhhh, total and complete relaxation. I hate to think any of the phones ring because I'm not answering. I'm consumed by vacay. No, we're not going anywhere. We're staying right here at home in good 'ole Georgia. Sure, I'm gonna hit the beach as much as possible, but I think we'll stick with this state, for now.

I will, however, do myself, Andy and the power bill a favor and turn off Bubble Guppies that's blaring on the television. Poor Andy, he doesn't get enough nickjr. as it is, he's got to hear it while he's dreaming too...

I think we all need a surprise. The surprise being, I'm cooking!!!!!!! Andy says I never cook, so it'll definitely be a surprise for him when he wakes up to food. Surprise for me because who thought I'd be doing anything that takes effort on my first half day of vacay????? Effort because I don't think it's hot enough, so I'm gonna crank up the charcoal in hunnerd degree weather =)

The Weight of the World

2011-06-10T00:55:00.000-04:00

I cannot fully explain the day I've had. It's been surreal to say the least. Everything in my life is remarkable. I have no reason for worry UNTIL I foster the weight of the world on my shoulders. Am I so naive as to think that I, as an individual, can make a difference in the world?

I try so hard to be a good person. To be a sincere human being and to be worthy of God's love. I'm sure there are those folks that would like to poke my eyes out at times because, for the most part, I'm upbeat and cheerful. Laughter has been my defense mechanism since childhood. Today, I fell short. I was mentally and physically drained and when that happens, I'm grouchy. I was ill for no apparent reason and I just don't like being that way. I take my frustration out on those I love. It makes me wonder how folks can go their whole lives without truly being happy. I don't mean happy as in financially, either. Lots of folks tend to have the idea that if they have money, along comes happiness. I beg to differ. I've had money and the only thing I had, were material possessions. Granted, money helps out for the things that we need; that's a huge difference than the things that we want.

I've had this indifferent feeling since Wednesday night and I'm full. It's time for this feeling to go away. I tried to go to bed early this evening, but no, I couldn't sleep. So, as I finish up my rambling, I turn to my Bible, which is what I do consistently these days and find this scripture, to help me through this indifferent feeling:

Romans 12:2 -
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Devastation Knocks.

2011-05-24T23:22:00.000-04:00

As I try to focus on Using Action Queries and Advanced Table Relationships, my mind strays to the Tornado that has swept away more lives and homes. I remember in 2001, working in Courtland, AL during the 9-11 attacks. When I returned home, Gramma kept the news on 24/7. I kept thinking, "why?". I was so wrapped up in my own life and since it didn't effect me firsthand, it didn't matter "as much." Don't get me wrong, it mattered, but I couldn't see the devastation that I do in this Tornado now.

I suppose I have grown more as a person and now, it affects me deeply. It's like these folks are my family. Every single one affected by this devastation. In a sense, those affected are my family because we are all one people. My heart hurts for these folks, as they seek shelter underground, pray for the safety of their families and their lives and return to find they have no homes. It makes me even more grateful for my life and my family. I cherish what we have right now, in this moment.

I decided to "feast on His Word" this evening in hopes of finding some understanding of where I can be of help in this awful, awful situation. I was led to read The First Epistle of John. From this, 1 John 3:18:

"My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth."

Governed by Conscience

2011-05-13T15:02:00.000-04:00

The whole post on Facebook yesterday has had me a little indifferent. Unfortunately, I still have not figured out specifically why just yet, but self-reflection tends to come through eventually.

I deleted the post, not because I've wavered on how I feel, but because I feel the idea behind it was slightly misinterpreted (not by all) . That wasn't my intention at all. I wasn't trying to push folks to feel how I feel, nor was I downing anyone for their beliefs because I am not interested in being pushed to feel another way or be downed for feeling the way that I do.

I have recently decided to let Christ guide me. I am no expert. I do not claim to be. I will continue my journey throughout my life and stand firm in my Faith.

Procrasti-wuhhhhhht????

2011-05-12T07:46:00.000-04:00

Procrastination, I've got a little something to say to you this morning.

WE'RE THROUGH! I am over you destroying my life. You make me stressed out. I get less sleep. I wait until the last minute to do EVERYTHING because of you. We are NO LONGER like Peas and Carrots. I'm over you. Period.

Should we wait until tomorrow to call this whole thing off?

Chances

2011-04-09T12:19:00.000-04:00

I blog to release. I blog to share. Nowhere in my mind states that I blog because everyone should feel as I feel. I blog about myself and voyage. My experiences, my troubles, my excitement, my confusion. There's been lots of confusion lately. I can seem to understand certain things. These things aren't meant for me to understand, I know, but I still want to.

It's kind of like, "here, you can have the cupcake, but you can't eat the icing." What? Really? I can't have the icing? Well, that's the part I want!!!!!! It's the same in life, people want most what they can't have and are determined, by any means necessary to accomplish it. I don't understand, but like I said, I suppose it's not for me to understand.

I've done a mountain of wrong in my lifetime and I've tried desperately to right those wrongs, but some folks just aren't where I am and that's okay too. It takes all folks to make the world go 'round. I've been guilty of lots of despicable (what I would consider as now, then notsomuch) acts in my life and hope those days are through.

Truth be told, this isn't my first second chance, it's probably my 80th. Hopefully everyone gets just as many chances as I did, to get life right.

The Gum on my Shoe is Finally Gone

2011-04-08T09:21:00.001-04:00

Ever have just one of those days? Of course you do, whether you want to admit it or not, you have; everybody does. Yesterday was one of those days where everything was frustrating, my temper was short and I just let my aggravation get the best of me. I try to use Blogging as a release, but yesterday, my bark was as big as my bite.

This is proof that I'm not perfect, not that I've claimed to be. I take life one day at a time. I experience every moment and keep trying when I fail myself. In reality, that's all we can do. I live in reality, whether it's good or it's bad, I keep keep'in on.

Although I am completely drained from my frustration of yesterday, I'm on my second cup of coffee and it's time to give 110% again, even though I don't feel up to it, that won't stop me. I think a vitamin is in order today to help with the motivation I definitely don't have.

As of yet, I have no words of wisdom, but I'll work on that =)

Criticism Fuels Me

2011-04-07T12:50:00.000-04:00

I constantly throw myself out in the wide open to be criticized. Not for anyone, but for me. I see people with hopes and dreams who let others discourage them. Criticism fuels me, it makes me work harder towards my goals, my hopes, my dreams.

The hate that people have for one another is shameful. Fortunately, I have no hate in my heart for others, I only have love. I'm not perfect. I'm not good at forgiveness. I am good at loving. I love, even though people try to walk over me, to get where they think they need to be. I have acceptance. I am who I am and no amount of criticism will EVER change that.

Assumptions

2011-04-01T14:02:00.000-04:00

I have no desire to be hateful and no desire to be mean,

that's nowhere in my path of fulfilling my dreams....

For some reason, this is on my mind today. I'm a Facebooker and I see all these snarky comments and hateful posts and I pray for these people because I have learned in life, there's no reason to break people down to build yourself up. Under no circumstances should we, as a loving, caring human beings have to or feel the need to do that.

As humans, we tend to make assumptions (I'm guilty of this myself) of why people do the things that they do.

We went to the Circus the other night and I laughed at a man because of his outfit. Hello Alisha, he's in the Circus, that's his job to be eccentric! I felt immediately guilty because I did. The funny part is, I'm eccentric and folks do the same to me. They think because I'm different, I'm not "normal", whatever that means.....

If I could apologize to this man for having a laugh at his expense, I would. He probably wouldn't care anyway, but that's not the point. Although it was an innocent laugh and I didn't mean anything by it, I realized, that's just not fair to other people.

We treat people like we want to be treated and no, people don't always do the same, but when we do, we've done all we can do.

An Ugly Duckling Day

2011-03-21T21:42:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had just one of those days? It's not really a good day or a bad day, it's just one of those days where you have plenty to say and choose to say less than little? Less than little for me is not outing the truth to the people that need it or saving my words because they're unheard. No, I didn't intentionally rhyme there, it just happened that way.

There's no question to anyone who I am or how I feel. I make that known. That's who I am. I love that about me. Unfortunately, folks tend to think that unfitting. I'm not one hundred percent sure if it's because I'm a woman or because the truth may sometimes hurt or if they're outraged that someone would actually speak the truth.

It's no easy road to travel, I promise. These days, I try incredibly hard to live the way that I feel I should live in God's eyes. I'm aiming for his approval. That's a big step for me. Okay, for the first time in my life, I think I deemphasized a little. Let me rephrase that; that's a HUGE, great big 'ole GrandDaddy of a step for me.

Having Faith makes me feel good. Believing that the good I live throughout my days here with this magnificent Earth at my fingertips, will be repaid in the end. It's no easy road to travel. I stay at home to shield Owen from the damage this world can do and create an environment I feel is acceptable.

I have no desire to speak with a forked tongue, nor do I want to hear what's spoken from one. "Friend" is a term that seems to have lost it's meaning somewhere along the way. "Friends?", sure, I have lots. Friends?, I have very few.