Becoming a Mistress

Not In Your Butt!

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 15:00:00 +0000

Ladies and gentlemen, it has come to my attention that many of you enjoy (or would like to enjoy) anal sex of some sort. That is, the realm of male chastity (not to mention tease and denial) often includes some sort of anal play. While in and of itself, anal play is not a bad thing, you need to be careful what you put in your guy's ass.

Let's face it, it can be very tempting to use ordinary household items. Some may seem like a good idea at the time, but rest assured, most can have negative results. I know, if you happen to be into humiliation, there is nothing quite as humiliating as a trip to the emergency room to remove that jar of peanut butter you shoved into your guy's ass and just can't seem to retrieve, now.

Watch this video and you will see what I mean.

Now that you have an idea of what NOT to put into your butt, let me give you some suggestions as to what you CAN put there. My store carries a full line of Tantus^(R) products designed for use by both male and female users. If you want to put something in your butt, I highly recommend you try one these products instead of what you find around the house.

Tantus products are all designed to be of the highest quality. That means that they will be comfortable (or as comfortable as an anal device can be), and will last you a good long time. In fact, I have used many of the Tantus products and I believe that, even though you might be able to purchase a similar product for less, you can't match the quality. And let's face it, quality counts. Especially when you are going to insert it into your (or your partner's) body.

We also carry a full line of lubricants. You are going to need one! The rule of thumb for using lubricants for any anal activity is: When you think you have enough, double it! That basically means that you can't have too much lubrication when it comes to anal sex.

Have fun, and be safe. Don't end up at the ER!

Mistress Ivey

P.S. If you start out with the Cowboy, don't try to push it ALL THE WAY IN the first time!

Safe Sex Tease?

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 15:00:00 +0000

Okay, maybe using a condom during teasing is not what people are referring to when they talk about safe sex. But... Have you ever tried teasing his cock with a condom on it? Maybe you should.

Condoms come in all types (lubricated, ribbed and even flavored) and styles. If you plan to use them for teasing you don't want any of that nasty-tasting spermicide on them. Trust me, it is nasty-tasting! If your guy has a tendency to spurt before you are ready, a condom might be just the thing. After all, regardless of what the manufacturers may tell you, they do reduce sensitivity. Of course, the more you apply, the less sensitive he will be.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that you want to put ten or twelve condoms on your guy and eliminate him feeling anything. Far from it. I am only suggesting that there are many reasons you might want to use a condom while teasing him. Let me explain, aside from the fact that it can delay his orgasm (which is a good reason to use one), a condom can be used to eliminate having to clean up every time you ruin an orgasm. Especially if you intend to continue and ruin a few more.

Condoms work very well for prostate milking, too. After all, just how easy is it to catch all that cum in a little cup? And just think, when you are done, he can drink it right from the condom. It's a bit more humiliating that way, but hey, why not? After all, many men love to be humiliated.

Have you ever given a guy blow-job while he was wearing a condom? It's little different, but it works. It just takes longer, that's all. But then, if you are teasing him (and that IS what we are talking about here, isn't it?) you want it last a good long time without fear of an “accident.” Condoms are good for a great number of things. Use them to cover any toy that you are going to insert (no mater where you are going to insert it). It's cleaner and safer that way. Besides, cleanup is a breeze!

Here's a little video to demonstrate what I mean. Sorry the quality isn't that good, but videos like this are very hard to find.

I am sure you can think of ways to use a condom that I have not mentioned here. If so, drop me a line or post a comment and tell me about it.

Mistress Ivey

He Cums Too Soon?

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 13:31:00 +0000

Nonsense! I know, I know, you want to play with your guy's cock and just when you are getting started, he cums... Ending all your fun. Well, I say you have NOT been paying attention.

If your guy cums before you are ready to quit, just ruin it! If you ruin his orgasm, then you can continue to play with him as long as you like, If he cums again, ruin it again! Maybe you can make a game of it. See just how many times you can make him cum. Just be sure to ruin them all. Eventually, you will be able to play with (or ride) him for as long as you like. The key is the ruined orgasms.

Here is a 9 minute video to demonstrate what I mean. Okay, this guy isn't a quick shooter, but he does cum three times before his “nurse” lets him rest. Watch the video and see how she handles it.

If you watched this video then you see how she allowed him to have a ruined orgasm and then she continued stroking him just as she was doing. He didn't get more than a few seconds rest and most of that was waiting for his cum to find it's way out of his cock. If you like practicing tease and denial, then this is a good method to use. Don't worry about the small amount of ejaculate that oozes out with each ruined orgasm. He has more where that came from.

There are many ways to ruin an orgasm. For those of you who need better instructions than I have given you so far, I will look for some videos that demonstrate some other methods in the future.

I have also shown you how you can use Boy Butter Extreme to reduce (or alleviate) the sensitivity of your partner's cock. This can also be used to ease pain often endured during anal play. If you don't want to put a condom over his cock (for a more natural feel) wipe it off with a dry towel or washcloth before penetration.

Have fun!

Mistress Ivey

Finger Touch Tease

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 17:59:00 +0000

The video below is my first attempt at embedding a video into my blog. This particular video demonstrates how to perform a one (or two) finger tease. As tease and denial videos go, the are actually very few that don't end in an orgasm. Be that as it may, many do show ruined orgasms and are, therfore, applicable to this blog.

In the video below, I want you to pay particular attention to two things: 1) Watch how the woman uses one or two fingers to tease her victim's penis. It's very good example how to touch certain sensitive spots that will give you the reactions you want, and; 2) Notice how the victim's penis reacts when this woman touches those sensitive spots. His reactions are, for the most part, uncontrollable. They are simply natural reactions that he has no control over.

All in all, this video is an excellent example of how little you need to do to get your man to the point of no return. What you do then is up to you. If you want to keep your guy on edge, just give his cock a few seconds to rest every now and then. You can see how this works if you pay close attention to the video. If you want to ruin his orgasm (perhaps several in a row), simply stop when you think he is about to ejaculate. If you stop too soon, no harm done. he simply won't ejaculate. If you stop too late, he still might not have a full orgasm because you did stop. This is an excellent method for learning exactly when to stop whether you are trying to edge him or ruin his orgasms.

I hope this video will make your tease and denial sessions more successful.

Mistress Ivey

Light Tease Example

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:50:00 +0000

I finally found a really good training video that shows how to do what I have been trying to teach women to do ever since I started this blog. I think you guys will like this one too.

This is a 16 minute video with one ruined orgasm and one full orgasm at the end (both optional, of course). But there are several things I want you to notice while watching this video. First of all, she does not use the lubrication that I recommend, but she still achieves the same goal. That is, she doesn't touch him firmly enough (during most of the video) to even move the skin of her 'victim's' cock. That is the best way to perform this type of teasing.

Let's face it, unless you are trying to produce an orgasm, perhaps so that you can ruin it, you don't want to touch him with anything more than a feather touch. The point of this type of cock tease is to make him want to feel your touch more than you are permitting him to feel. It will drive him crazy with desire for a firmer touch. So if your goal is tease and denial, then you this is the best way to achieve those results.

I also want you to notice that his first (ruined orgasm) is very slight. He seems to get only one small dribble. He does produce a great deal of precum. You can see this if you watch closely enough. Remember, you will only get a drop or two of precum every once in awhile during this kind of tease session.

Whether you use lubrication or not, it doesn't hurt to take a break every so often in order to let his desire (or immediate need to orgasm) to wane just a bit. This will produce a great deal more precum because each time he is re-aroused, he will (or should) produce it. You can fondle his balls, nipples, thighs, or any other part of his body during these short breaks from teasing his cock. Use your imagination, and pay attention to his reactions to everything you do.

Another point of interest is how this woman continues to tease her guy after his ruined orgasm. You will notice that he never loses any of his erection at this point. I think one of the key things that women (and men, for that matter) tend to forget is that an orgasm (even a full one) does not have to signal the end of the tease session. This is important because, you want to get away from that kind of thinking. Just because he has an orgasm (even if you fail to ruin it) doesn't mean that you have to stop teasing him. I'm not saying that you can totally avoid that post-orgasm depression that all men experience. But the sooner you begin to rebuild his desire, the better.

So watch this video and take notes. You may be able to get some really good tips of your own if you pay close attention. Most of all, have fun with your tease and denial sessions. That's what they are there for!

http://xhamster.com/movies/896880/ruined_orgasm.html

Mistress Ivey

P.S. If you are interested, you can get the cock ring in this video Here.

Anal Fun

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 14:01:00 +0000

I have always said that you should be having fun (sexually speaking), especially if you have a male partner in chastity. So here is how I often do it...

I recently purchased a glass dildo from a company called 'PipeDreams.' They have created a whole line of glass dildos called 'Icicles'. The particular one I bought was #5 (pictured here). I tried it out on myself first, but the real fun came when I tried it out on my slave, nemo.

We had the house to ourselves and I bound him bent over the kitchen table. His arms were bound to the legs at the far end of the table and his ankles were bound to the legs at his end. Feeling that I had him securely bound, I put the Icicle in my favorite strap-on harness and proceeded to lube his anus.

Before I even attempted to enter him, I showed nemo what I intended to use. He was little bit apprehensive, but then, he usually is whenever I don my strap-on harness. After applying some lubrication to the dildo, I pressed the tip against his tight little hole. Taking hold of his hips, I began pressing the forward firmly. Of course, all the while I was reassuring nemo that this would not hurt him. (If he relaxes enough, it won't.)I have to admit, when I used it myself, it felt really great.

We both thoroughly enjoyed the new toy and I managed to have fun while giving him some sorely needed attention. His lack of attention was partly my fault because January was full of all kinds of stress and even a little (mild) illness for both of us. You probably noticed a lack of posts during the past month. Well, I have been quite busy. So I felt as though I owed him a little pleasure, I just wanted to give it to him my way!

Nemo said that the swirl-ridge on this particular model really felt wonderful. He even mentioned that he is looking forward to the next time I use it. He also has his eye on a couple of other models that, in his words, “look especially interesting.”

I have not been very interested in sex because of all the stress, but I found a way to keep his attention and give him what he needed without having to allow him an orgasm. It also didn't require much in the way of thought on my part. After all, we all have our “down times,” but that's no reason to ignore your partner's needs. Let's face it, a sexually frustrated hubby is a happy hubby!

Mistress Ivey

Attitude

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:55:00 +0000

I have spent a great deal of time writing about all different aspects of tease and denial of your guy's cock. I have given you many reasons to try it. What I have not talked about in this blog, is a VERY important thing... Your attitude!

You can always tease a man's cock successfully, just about any time you want. You can even do it when you are angry with him. But if you really want him to enjoy it, you need to have the right attitude. If you don't, it doesn't matter how you tease him, how often you tease him, or even where you tease him, he will not enjoy it as much as he should.

So, what is the right attitude? Simply put, you must enjoy what you are doing. It sounds simple, but in order to convey your pleasure (your attitude) you must make your partner understand just how much you enjoy teasing him. That means that you are going to have to talk with him (or at him) in a sexual way. That's where all those other things I have taught you come in.

You can talk to him about a fantasy that he has, or simply about how much you like making him squirm. It really doesn't matter as long as you keep his attention on sex. You should do your best to occupy his mind with thoughts of sexual activity. Whether it's about what you are doing to him at the moment, or something you think he would be humiliated doing in the future. Talk about how good it would feel to him to put his cock inside you. Talk about how you love making him beg to cum. Talk about how much you would love to make a video of him being teased by another woman.

The subject matter can be varied as much as your imagination allows, as long as you enjoy what you are doing and he knows it. If you have a good time, so will he, even when you deny his orgasm. But if you go into any sexual encounter with a bad attitude, you will not only not enjoy what you are doing, but neither will your partner.

Remember, in this type of relationship, sex is totally under your control. So why would you ever have a bad attitude? If you want him to please you, make him do it. If you want to edge him ten or twenty times without allowing him an orgasm, do it. If you want him to masturbate for you because you are just too tired to tease him yourself, do it. Just be sure that he always knows that whatever you (or he) are doing, you are enjoying yourself. After all, if he were to simply masturbate to porn on the internet, he will imagine that the woman on the screen is enjoying it.

Let's be honest about this. What makes the women in the the photos and videos on the internet so erotic? They seem to enjoy sex. It's the same thing that makes a hooker good at what she does. She makes her John happy by acting as if she enjoys what she is doing as much as he does. It's no big secret. It's human nature.

Basically, if you have a good attitude toward your sexual activity, he will enjoy it that much more. So make it a point never to engage in sex when you just can't have a good attitude and you will find that you both enjoy it all much, much more!

Mistress Ivey

The Spice of Life

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 15:29:00 +0000

Judging by the email I receive on a regular basis, I assume that most of my readers are male. Just to be sure, I have posted a poll in the right column to verify it. So please, take a look at it and take part in it. Your participation is much appreciated.

My point is, I feel like I am preaching to the choir. However, this applies equally to both men and women even if they are not in a Female Led relationship (FLR). My subject for today is, Variety! After all, variety is the spice of life...

Let's assume that you can choose anything you like for dinner, but whatever you choose will be what you get everyday for the rest of your life. Just how long do you think it would take for you to get tired of eating the same old thing day after day? If you are like most people, it wouldn't take very long.

So why do you think your guy (husband, subbie, chastity boy, or whatever you call him) wants the same old thing sexually everyday? No matter what you are doing to tease him, no matter how much you make him please you, if you are not varying it often, then you are risking him getting bored with it.

It doesn't matter what we are talking about, the fantasies you tell him, the sexual activity you make him preform for (or on) you, how you tease him, what you feed him, or even the praise you give him, if you are not including variety in all you do, then you are risking everything you have worked for going right down the drain.

By now, you have learned that the care and feeding of your partner is a great deal of work. I am the first to admit that it can be difficult. But you must include as much variety as you can in your daily routines. But if your marriage has improved since you started tease and denial with your partner, you don't want to lose what you have gained.

I could write list upon list of ways to vary your everyday activities, but I am going to leave it up to you to do the research. After all, who knows your partner better than you do? So here's what you need to do...

Take the time to research your partner's fantasies. Search the web for stories that he (or you) will like. Think about how you can change up those daily teases and even come up with new ways of denying his orgasm. Practice a little variety in those little teases you do several times a day to keep him interested, aroused, and thinking of you.

Make a list of everything you can remember doing. Make separate lists for daily teasing, fantasies, your own pleasure, and those special events you have done. Then try to add a few new things to each list. Now keep those lists handy and refer to them often. Don't repeat any one thing too often. Add to those lists any time you thing of something new to try.

If you mix everything up enough, you may be surprised at the over all results. All this may very well renew your own pleasure and desire to engage in sexual activity and the fun you have teasing his cock. Variety truly is the spice of life, especially when it comes to your sex life!

Mistress Ivey

Apologies

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 17:48:00 +0000

Apologies... What can I say? I was told that "cloud" computing was a safe way to keep all your hard work safe! Google has promised the world that their web-albums and online document storage is the safest way to store your files.

Due to some recent PC problems, I had moved just about everything I had to the "cloud." Now I have lost most of that! Picasaweb albums were so easy to use (and safe) because every time I uploaded a photo in a blog post, it was automatically placed in a Picasa album for safe keeping.

Now I have just learned that all but three of my blog photos has been lost! Because of the aforementioned PC problems, I have no local back up for all those photos. So I find myself apologizing to all of you for Google's mistake. Google says that all my photos were moved to "Google +" but they are not there either!

So, let this be a warning to all. Don't trust the cloud (or Google, for that matter) to keep your files safe from loss. My recommendation is to make several back ups to memory cards and update them often. I don't have the time to go back and figure out what photo went with which blog post. As a result, you will see a large black space with a white symbol in the middle where Google lost one of my files.

I make no apologies for sounding bitter!

Mistress Ivey

What's in a Name?

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 18:48:00 +0000

I realize that my blog is called “Becoming A Mistress,” but what if you don't want to be a “Mistress” per-say? That is, you want total control, but you detest the image that comes to mind when the word is used. I must agree, the image most often called to mind (thanks to the Internet), is one of a woman wearing very high heels, dressed in skin-tight leather, and carrying some kind of whip or riding crop. If this is not you, what are you? What do you call yourself? What does your husband (boy friend, submissive, spouse, or significant other) call you?

I have heard things like, Goddess, Queen, and even “She who must be obeyed.” But even these seem like too much. I chose Mistress because, in my opinion, it is the least self-centered of the names I have heard. However, I also heard names such as, Sweetheart, Sweetie, lover, and just plain wife, used as well. Of course none of these describe the relationship, much less the position of the woman in that relationship.

In my new book (not out yet) I make a comparison between a Queen and her Knight in shining armor with that of a Mistress and her slave. However, I make no recommendation as to what your husband (or whatever he is) should call you. Nor do I make a recommendation as to what you might want to call him.

Personally, I feel it makes no difference what you call each other, as long as the relationship works and your roles within that relationship are clearly understood. Having said that, I call myself “Mistress” and so does my husband, nemo. However, we only use those terms when we are alone and in “play” mode. Yes, real life requires us to change from “happy couple” to “Mistress and slave” when we want to play. The rest of the time, though I am always in charge, we appear “normal.”

I never wear a leather teddy. I don't like high heels, but I do have a pair of black boots with 3-inch heels that I bought at PayLess, but I don't wear them while we are “playing.” And I have an assortment of whips, floggers, crops and paddles that I do often use (but that's just me). Though we both enjoy the many images of Mistress' on the web, I just can't see me wearing those types of outfits.

My point here is that it doesn't matter how you dress, or by what names you use when you are playing. Just be yourself. You can be in control without having to be called “Mistress.” It's not what you call yourself that makes you the one in charge. It's the attitude with which you approach your relationship.

I have been writing this blog for over a year and the one thing I always wanted to make clear is that you should have fun. Your sex life should not be something that you do every now and then. It should be something you look forward to, something that is fun for the both of you! So don't let a name deter you from enjoying the control you can wield, and fun you can have. Life is, after all, something to be enjoyed. So is marriage. So enjoy yours to the fullest! You will thank yourself for it.

Mistress Ivey

Forced Chastity

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 16:51:00 +0000

I recently read another blog about “forced” chastity. About the only thing with which I agree concerning that post is that you can't really force chastity on anyone. Let's look at the facts...

No man who doesn't want to be locked in chastity is going to allow someone to lock a device on him .
No device (yet) made can't be defeated, no matter what kind you have.
If a chastity device were placed on a man against his will, he could easily bring criminal charges against the perpetrator.

With that in mind, I would like to discuss what many men DO like. Many men, especially those involved in chastity, have fantasies about being “forced” to do any number of things. Some want to be forced to wash the dishes, some want to be forced to wear a woman's clothing, and some even want to be forced to watch their wife have sex with another man. The truth be told, these are all just fantasies. I'm not saying that they won't experience any of these things, but the truth is they want to pretend that they are being forced.

There is a certain amount of sexual excitement in being forced to do things that are considered to be outside the range of “normal.” Normal, meaning accepted by society as whole, or not thought of as “kinky” by non-kinky folks. All the person is looking for is an added thrill that would not be there if they were not “forced” to perform some activity.

When I was slave to my husband, there was a thrill in not having to make any decisions at all. Our sexual, or kinky, activities took on a more exciting, more intense, feeling simply because nothing I was doing was my idea. I had no choice. I had to do what I was told. Being bound only adds to the thrill because, no matter what happens to me, I was not the one who was doing it. I was being “forced” to do it.

All most men want is for someone else tell them what to do. They want to be relieved of responsibility for their actions. Their sexual actions, anyway. Men's fantasies are as widely varied as snowflakes. There are no two alike, especially where their fantasies are concerned. Not only do these fantasies vary from man to man, they often vary from day to day in the same man. That is, a man's fantasies are constantly changing, evolving, from moment to moment.

The thought of being “forced” to do anything in these fantasies only adds to the excitement of the particular fantasy. Therefore, the desire to be “forced” to perform certain acts becomes stronger with each passing day unless, and until, the fantasy is realized. This is true of any fantasy.

If you are not completely up to date on exactly what your man is fantasizing, you need to learn about them. After all, the best way to control any man is through his fantasies!

Mistress Ivey

Writing a Book

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 16:48:00 +0000

I am currently writing a book about Female Led Relationships (FLRs), and I need your help. You read my blog for a reason. If you are currently in an FLR, then I want to hear from you! I need to know how you got started, who initiated it, and what kinds of things you do that makes your relationship work.

Do you include any BDSM? That is, do you use paddles, floggers, bondage, or any other kind of “kinky” activities?

Do you use a chastity device and why?

If I include your story in my book, I will not reveal any personal information about you. Names will be changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent. Feel free to include as much or as little as you want. Whether you are a man or a woman, I want to hear from you. Even those of you are not in a relationship are welcome to write me. Tell me what you want, what you are looking for in a relationship or partner.

Any information you can give me will be helpful.

Please use the email address found in my profile.

Thank you,

Mistress Ivey

Training Video

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 20:13:00 +0000

I was looking around the Internet the other day, just checking out a few stories and videos, when I ran across a very good cock teasing video. I liked the way this woman treated her man's cock. In fact, I liked it so much that I thought I would share it with my readers.

There are several things you should watch for during the video. First of all, you will notice the that she has him in a special (homemade) contraption designed to hold him in place while his cock pokes through for her use. Of course, you don't need to use the board like she did, but if you want one of your own you can easily build one. I have posted a DYI page for you on our toy review blog. You can read it here.

First of all, I want you to notice how the Mistress in this video lubricates her partner's cock. She uses plenty of lubrication. Also notice how she keeps him from getting too close to the edge by slapping his cock. Notice that these are not mild slaps, but actually rather hard. I know that some of you may have tried this but were afraid to slap him too hard. His cock is not as sensitive as you might think, so go ahead and give it a good hard slap. A few of these and should start to lose his erection. That's when you know you have done enough.

As the teasing continues, you will notice that she used several different stroking methods. This is really what I want you to pay attention to. Watch as she makes several up-strokes (from the base to the tip) in a row with no down-strokes at all. If you were to continue this for several minutes, it would tend to drive your partner crazy, as most men find it very exciting, but are much less likely to ejaculate if this is all you do. It's an excellent method for getting him really charged up.

You will also notice that at several points during the video, she will hold his cock just below the head (or tip) with one hand while rubbing the palm of her other hand in a circular motion over the head. This is a very sensitive part of his cock and can be very exciting for him. Experiment with this type of stimulation, to see just how it effects your partner. If you are like me, you will love what it does to him.

At about 9 minutes into the video she allows him to ejaculate. However, she ruins it. But the then the fun begins! Notice how she pays special attention to the head of his cock at this point. She is giving him Post Orgasm Torment (POT). And she is doing a very good job of it, too. You will only have about a minute to do this because the super-sensitivity will fade after that. But if you get right to it (after he ejaculates) you can drive him mad with pleasure. Oh, he might scream, squirm, and do his best to stop you, but that only means you are doing it right.

Another point (shortly before he ejaculates) she uses a “stop” method of edging him. Notice how she makes him count to five while she lets his cock rest. She is forcing him to concentrate on something other than his immediate need (and desire) to ejaculate. This allows him to gently back off without cumming. Counting is only one way to distract him. The particular method you use is not important as long as it distracts his mind long enough to prevent him from ejaculating.

All in all, I think is an excellent video for demonstrating several methods of stroking and edging. Whether you end up allowing full orgasm, ruining it, or simply denying it altogether, is up to you. But I really think, if you study this video, you can learn quite a bit about different teasing methods.

To view the video Click Here.

Enjoy the video and have fun with your partner.

Mistress Ivey

Utilization Of Time

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 13:39:00 +0000

I recently received an email from a woman who complained that she and her husband could only practice the lifestyle (Female Led Relationship) late at night and before the sun comes up. It dawned on me that there must be others out there who share her dilemma. They think they don't really have enough time to enjoy the lifestyle the way they would like. Well, to that I say, “Utilize what time you have!”

If you have children at home, or one (or both) of you work outside the home, it might seem that you just don't have enough time to share the little things that make an FLR truly enjoyable. Then you are not utilizing your time properly. Especially if you engage in a little tease and denial or even chastity.

I have written several posts that touch on the subject in one way or another, so to many of you, this might seem like a rehash of old ideas, but I say, if it works, who cares how old the idea is? Anyway, here are a few suggestions to help you get started down the road to more fully enjoying each other using what time you have. Beyond the obvious weekend getaways, there are plenty of things you can do to spice things up using little moments here and there.

Take a few minutes to sit down and create a plan. Let's assume (just for argument sake) that your husband works, your kids go to school, and you stay home taking care the house (doing those things you don't trust your hubby to do) or shopping, or whatever you normally do with your day. The first thing you need to do is make a schedule of your families typical day. List (in chronological order) all the normal events that take place. For example, when do you get up? When does your husband rise? What about the kids? When do the kids leave for school, and what time does your hubby leave for work? Include things like what time your husband has available at work (breaks, lunch, etc.) when you could contact him with little or no interruption of his work.

Once you have everything listed in order, you are ready to make your plan. If your husband's breaks are at irregular times, he could simply call you (or perhaps text you) so that you can give him instructions. There may be other things you can use as well. Does he take a lunch box or briefcase to work? Something where you could leave a little note for him to find?

There will be things that don't run on a regular schedule, such as when the kids go out to play, or do their homework. Maybe hubby doesn't always get home at the same time. Your plan will have to take these things into account.

Okay, so what goes into this little plan of yours? Well, much of it will not actually be a part of the plan, but rather a list of things that you can do if and when the opportunity presents itself. Your plan should include things like short teases you can do before he goes to work, during his breaks, during lunch, or any time he might have free to perform little tasks for you. So you need a list of tasks that you might want him to perform when you get the chance.

Include anything you can do (in the way of teasing him) when you get five or ten minutes alone. It could just be a “bathroom break” when the two f you can sneak off to the bedroom (or bathroom) while the kids are busy watching television. You should have several little teases that you can do with your hubby that will only take a few minutes. Such as, pull his pants down, get him hard by telling him a fantasy, or simply fondling him. You can even use these little “tease times” to punish or admonish him for some indiscretion or displeasure he has caused you. Maybe he didn't do the dishes properly, or he forgot to call you before he left the office. It really doesn't matter what he did, this is a chance to remind him just who is in charge.

By-the-way, don't EVER feel guilty about taking charge or even punishing him. If he enjoys being subservient to you, he will love you all the more for enforcing your rules.

Finally, you should include longer tease and denial sessions as often as you can. These may have to wait until the kids are asleep or something, but you should plan to spend at least twenty or thirty minutes (or more) at bedtime teasing him or allowing him to pleasure you. Even if he complains that he is too tired, don't let that stop you. If you do it right, he will get hard and he won't care how tired he is at that point. Friday and Saturday nights are great for long teases and denial sessions. Especially if you can both sleep in in the morning.

Anyway, I hope you get the picture from all this. If you both want to feel that you are living the lifestyle more, be creative, use the time you have to tease him more and he will become much more the husband you have always wanted. Don't forget to push his limits a little while you are at it. He will thank you for it and you will have even more fun.

Mistress Ivey

What About Your Fantasies?

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 15:16:00 +0000

I have written more about men's fantasies than I would care to read in one sitting, but I haven't written one thing about women's fantasies. And I don't care what you say, you know you have them.

As important as it is to know and understand your partner's fantasies, it's equally as important to have some of your own. If you enjoy chastity, tease and denial, or even CBT, you must have had at least one fantasy involving one or more of these things. Wouldn't it be great to try it out? Well, that depends on what it is. I mean, are you really going to march your subbie down Main Street wearing nothing but a collar, leash and a chastity device?

So, obviously you have to use a little common sense in determining what you can and can't do. So let's say you have selected a nice little dream about whipping your boy in a semi-public place... Say, a play party. I know, you don't attend any play parties. Why not? You should. You could learn a great deal from others who have been at it longer, or who's imaginations have been running wild for the last year or so.

Okay, back on subject. So how do you use this little fantasy of yours? How do you incorporate it into your “normal” playtime? The same way you would incorporate his fantasies. Start out by placing a blindfold over his eyes (it helps him visualize). Now, as you play with him (any way you like), talk about your fantasy. Tell him how you would really love to do it with (to?) him.

Vocalizing your fantasy should be enough to turn you on as much as it will him. Then, of course, you can have him pleasure you! The point is not to verbalize the fantasy completely. I mean, that can be a little intimidating. But, while he is tending to you, have him verbalize your fantasy for you. After all, didn't you just tell him what it was all about? Let him make up the details for you. That way, you can just relax and listen while he does whatever it is you want him to.

Once he knows a few of your fantasies, you can have him make up stories about them whenever you're in the mood. Why not use him for more than doing the chores?

Mistress Ivey

Talk, Talk, Talk...

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 13:09:00 +0000

I have been telling folks to get together and talk now for over a year, but it never occurred to me that they might not know exactly how to do that. Of course they know how to talk, but do they feel comfortable approaching their sex (or life) partner about their particular sexual situation? I have to admit, 90% of all the advice I give to people who come to me with their problems or questions is to talk to their partner.

I realize that it can be very intimidating when you want to discuss your sex-life with someone, especially when you don't want to hurt their feelings. I mean, no one wants to sound like they are criticizing or complaining about the way things have been. All they want to do is make a few suggestions as to how things could change for the better.

Well, here is my suggestion to handle this kind of situation. First, you need to know what you want to talk about. You need a plan. I suggest you write down some of your ideas and try to organize them into some kind of logical order. Remember, no amount of planning will be able to cover everything that is likely to come up. You have no idea how your partner will react to your ideas, nor do you have any idea what your partner might want. They always seem to come up with good suggestions for things you never thought of.

Once you have your “plan” all laid out, let your partner know that you would like to sit down and talk about it “sometime.” Don't spring it on them unannounced. That will only cause them to feel that you have “complaints,” and that won't work. Instead, tell them that you have some ideas that you would like to discuss that you think they might like. Also, it gives your partner time to come up with some things of their own and to prepare for a good discussion.

When the time comes, don't approach it as a “bitch session.” That's not the purpose. Instead, approach the meeting as a discussion of what is working and what needs to be changed. Be open to your partner's ideas. Discuss, don't dictate! Suggest, don't complain! For such a discussion to be effective and productive, you must both feel safe and comfortable. As a Mistress, I always reassure my sub that there will be no repercussions for anything they say during the discussion.

Don’t forget to implement (that means do) whatever the two of you agree on. After all, isn't that the point of all this? It won't help if you don't try the things you discussed.

You may be surprised how productive a talk like this can be. Remember, if you don't know where you are going, you'll never get there. Or... “Wherever you go, there you are.” (Yogi Berra)

Mistress Ivey

What's In A Name?

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 14:06:00 +0000

Do you call yourself a Key Holder, a Mistress, a Femdom, a Dominant, a woman in charge, or something else? If you have a partner, significant other, man, guy, boyfriend, husband, or whatever, in chastity, does it make a difference to you what you call yourself? Does it matter what others call you? What is the difference between all these things, and does it matter? What do you call your partner? Do you call him sub, subbie, sub-boy, boy-toy, submissive, slave, or sweetheart? Again, does it really matter?

Isn't what really matters, the fact the your relationship works? Uh, it does work, doesn't it? Are you sure? Have you stepped out of your roles in order to have a frank (or George) talk about how satisfied you both are? Have you talked about doing more? Or even less? Have you discussed your teasing? Are you really doing enough, the way he really likes it? Or does none of that matter to you?

It may not really matter what you call yourself, or him, for that matter. But if you truly want your relationship to be successful, you must talk about it, especially if you are (or he is) new to it. Are you really doing enough to keep him happy, interested, and horny? Are you teasing him enough, the right way, or is he always wanting more? Are you getting enough of what you want? Are you, possibly, neglecting him because you don't have the libido he has, or because it doesn't matter to you?

I fully understand the dynamics of a Female Led Relationship. But it doesn't help if I am not doing it right. That is, if my partner is not happy for one reason or another, I am not doing something right. I have to swallow my pride (as a Mistress) and sit down to a serious, open discussion of what he likes and dislikes about the way I do things. Then I have to be able to take his criticism without getting angry, or feeling I have failed in some way.

Understanding your partner and his needs, is not always easy. The best way to do it is through open discussions. He must understand that whatever he tells you, you will not be hurt or upset or angry. You should have one of these conversations every few months (3-6?) just to make sure things have not changed.

And speaking of changes, people, and their desires can change as often you change your underwear. What seems good in fantasy, may not be so good in reality. But one thing remains constant in any male chastity relationship... Teasing. Whether you tease him daily, weekly, or once a month, you must use both physical AND psychological (mental) teasing. That is, you can fondle his cock all day and never get him hard if you are talking about the weather, the economy, your bills, or his mother. Let's face it, you need to tend to his mental needs as well as his physical needs.

So... What's in a name? No matter what kind of relationship you have, no matter what you call each other, or yourself, one thing remains constant... You MUST communicate if you want to be successful. That is, if you want to be happy as a couple.

Mistress Ivey

Web-Teases What Are They Good For?

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 19:02:00 +0000

I have discussed this subject before, but it has been on my mind again of late. Most of you are aware that nemo and I have started our own WebTease site. Well, all that work got me to thinking. What good does a site like that do for a couple who are already into chastity, tease, and denial? I mean, aren't web-teases for guys who, for whatever reason, masturbate a good deal of the time. I am not putting them down. God knows, they probably need the distraction. But most men in chastity can't masturbate, and the vast majority of them are written for men who can.

So why would I, of all people, start a masturbation site for men without Key Holders (KH)? Simple. Most KH's don't realize what a great source of tease and denial ideas web-teases can be. After all, most of us prefer NOT to allow our guys to masturbate. But I say, “Why not?” First of all, it relieves us of having to do it for them. I mean, there are times when I would rather not have to get my hands all messy with lubrication and make my arm sore from trying to edge him four or five times. Then there is the problem of accidents. I may blame nemo if he cums during one of these sessions, but the fault is really mine for not noticing exactly how close he was to ejaculation in the first place.

That's where web-teases come in. I find one I really like, or at least a portion of one, and I use it the next time he wants some attention, but I am too tired (or lazy) to tease him for an hour. Here's how I work it. I have three choices: 1) I can use the web-tease as a guide and follow the script to make him do everything to himself, or; 2) I can use ideas I have gotten from some of them to do things to him, or; 3) I can even load one up on the PC and watch as he attempts to do everything the woman in the web-tease tells him to do.

Now, some of the web-teases can take several hours to complete. So if I am having him do one online, I either set aside enough time, or I stop him when I think he has had enough. If he is doing one online, I can also help him by handing him the next item he needs or by cleaning them when he has finished in anticipation that he might need it again. I can even be his timekeeper when he needs one. Either way, they can be very entertaining. Especially when he has to ruin his own orgasms. I just love watching the looks that cross his face. Don't forget, masturbation carries with it a certain amount of humiliation for most men. They just don't like doing it front of you.

So there you have it. Yet another way to tease and deny him without having to tire yourself out. Besides, after watching him ruin his own orgasms puts me in the mood to have a few orgasms myself!

Mistress Ivey

Happy Holidays?

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 16:00:00 +0000

I apologize to my readers for not having posted much lately. I have been busy with personal things (life) and setting up our new Webtease site.

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday for as long as I can remember. The problem is, it signals the start of the “Holiday Season” which is politically correct speech for Christmas, Ramadan, Hanukkah, or whatever you personally celebrate. It usually means involvement with family and friends. The friends I don't mind. But most of my family are just a pain in the #@&%, if you know what I mean. All in all, I would just rather not deal with it. I have too many things going on in my life to worry about dealing with my crazy relatives and all their problems.

Now that I have vented... I hope you all (who celebrate it) have a happy Thanksgiving! As for us, we are staying home (hoping the relatives do the same) and enjoying each others company, and a good turkey. Ours has not been pardoned!

I realize this was not a chastity related blog, unless you consider nemo cooking the turkey to be chastity related, but I needed to blow off a little steam. It has been nice for nemo and I to finally have something we can work on together (the Webtease site) so that we can spend more time together (and I get to punish him if he's late on a deadline). I hope things will be back to “normal” around here soon.

Mistress Ivey

Poll Analysis

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 15:52:00 +0000

Let me begin by thanking all the men (246 of you) who responded to my recent poll. This post is about that poll. You will notice I have added a page (tab above) where I will list the results of future polls as well. This is as much for your information as it is for mine. In a recent PC accident, I lost all my previous poll data which helped me in writing this blog. So now the information will always be at your disposal (and mine as well).

The way this poll was conducted it is by no means scientific. It was up for a week, and each participant was allowed to select multiple responses. Therefore, not every participant checked one of the boxes in the categories available. But there is enough information from which to draw a few conclusions.

The most obvious conclusion we can draw from this poll is that a clear majority (60%) of men would prefer not to know exactly when they will be allowed to orgasm. Of the 161 participants who checked one of the first two responses, 92.5% would prefer not knowing when their next orgasm will come (no pun intended). That's a pretty important figure. 35.5% of the participants didn't check either box. We can assume that these men don't care whether or not the have a specific date (target date) for their next orgasm. That means (if we extrapolate), that only about 1/3^rd of men don't care. So the other 2/3^rds have a preference, and of those, over 90% would prefer not to know. So unless you are sure about what your partner wants, maybe you should ask.

It's interesting to note that about 1/4^th of the participants would like to play some sort of game in determining when they be allowed to orgasm. This is a significant number. I don't (yet) know how many women would like to play games with their partner for this sort of thing, but I will post a similar question to them soon. Perhaps tomorrow. But if your partner is one of those who is interested in playing games, you should look into it. I'll do a post, later, giving you some options. In the mean time, I have written several posts on games before, so check my archives.

It is interesting to note that 28% of the participants wanted longer periods of denial. I suspect, the actual number would be greater if they were given only three choices (more, fewer, or the same). At any rate, I am a firm believer in pushing limits. That means, I would highly recommend that you push the limits of denial until you find just the right level (or term) of denial for your partner. You might be surprised just how long your partner can go. Of course, in conjunction with longer denial, there should be an increase in the teasing. More teasing goes hand in hand with longer terms of denial. Let's face it, they don't call it tease and denial for nothing.

The above information also applies to the last two responses. Only 45 of the 246 participants indicated that they are not happy with number of orgasms they currently receive. If we break that down further, only about 18% of our participants were not satisfied. Of those, 78% wanted fewer orgasms. Here, again, we don't know how that relates to all the other data, but it does indicate that you should be talking to your partner to determine where he falls in this category.

All in all, I think it was a very successful poll, thanks to my readers. I would encourage all of you to take part in these polls when you see them. No one will see who you are, so you know it's discreet. I can't speak for other bloggers, but I don't usually take these polls just for the fun of it. So I sincerely thank you if you participated. And I hope you will continue to do so in the future.

Mistress Ivey

Timing Is Everything!

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 16:21:00 +0000

I get a significant amount of email from men who want longer periods of denial, but are afraid to tell their partner (or don't know how). In my last post, I touched on this subject and I would like to expand on it. Long term denial seems to be a very common fantasy among men in chastity. So you women aught to be aware.

Many man seem to have a fear of long term orgasm denial, but secretly want it. This might be one reason that many are afraid to bring it up. However, if your partner was the one who originally brought up the subject of chastity or tease and denial, then he may very well have mentioned long term denial without either of you realizing it. Think back, did he say something like, “You will decide when I get to have an orgasm”? If he did, it may have been a subconscious way of expressing feelings of desire for long term denial.

Let's face it ladies, men don't always do well at expressing their true feelings. There fore, it is up to us to discover exactly what their true feelings are. Try extending his denial time without telling him. When he asks you about it, simply tell him that you have not decided when his next orgasm will be. You can judge by his reaction if he likes the idea or not. Chances are, he will. There is a poll currently running on in the right hand column that should verify my research. It is my prediction that men don't really want to know when their next orgasm will be. I also predict that most will not want more, but fewer orgasms than they currently get. But we will see.

If you are (or your partner is) one of those who enjoy playing games, especially tease and denial games, I suggest you find one whose odds will permit an orgasm approximating the time he currently goes between orgasms, or slightly longer. Games can be fun, but if they allow orgasms too often, or not often enough, they may become boring. So try to choose carefully. Of course, you can always change to another game if the odds are not working out for you.

Another way to do it, is to set up a point system of some sort. Maybe giving points for things like doing certain chores or giving you attention. When your partner reaches a certain number of points, he can trade some or all of them in for a reward. Perhaps “X” points for an orgasm or “Y” points for extra tease time. You can be creative with your point system, just be sure that it will take him long enough to earn an orgasm. You can also adjust the number of points he earns for different tasks depending on how fast they build up.

A man may say he wants more orgasms (or more frequent orgasms) but he might actually prefer the tease and denial he receives instead. It's not that they don't know what they want. It's more of a struggle between their desire for sexual gratification and their realization that there is a down side to having an orgasm. But either way, he needs someone to control his orgasms for him. Very few men have the will power to deny themselves for any length of time. So it is up to you to take care of that for them.

Tease and denial has two parts. Don't forget that. Long term denial without the proper amount of teasing (both physical and psychological) just won't work. I have written several (many?) posts about teasing both physically and psychologically, so if you need more information about either, just search some of my previous posts.

Happy denial!

Mistress Ivey

Greed

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 16:39:00 +0000

Okay, he asked you to lock his cock in a cage. He said your were in charge of, not only his orgasms, but all your sexual activity. He said you could tease him whenever, wherever, and however you wanted. He told you that he would be willing to do more of the chores around the house. He told you it would make him more attentive to your sexual needs. So what happened? He seems to want more sex, or sexual attention, than he ever did before.

Admit it ladies, he is doing more for you than ever before, isn't he? So what's the problem? Greed! He seems to want more sexual attention than he ever did before. What did you expect? Did you think that just because you locked him up and agreed to take charge that his normal male sex drive would some how magically disappear? That's right, I said “Normal.”

Let's look at this problem logically and see what we can do to relieve all the pressure he has been putting on you to step up his teasing. First of all, you need to realize that all men were designed differently than women. Even if you are one of those who want a great deal of sex, chances are he still wants more than you. Women were designed to want sex at those times when they can get pregnant. Face it ladies, it's the way we were built. Men, on the other hand, were built to be ready to impregnate us whenever we are ready. That means, in order for them to be ready when we are, they have to be ready all the time. So you see, it's normal for them to be greedy.

Now that we have that settled, what can we, as women in charge, do about it? The answer is simple. Nothing. Well, not exactly, but instead of giving them all the sex they want, it now falls upon us to redirect that energy. To focus their sexual drive in another direction. Ask your self this (and be honest), are you really getting all the sexual attention you want? Are you getting foot and back massages whenever you want? Are you getting all the orgasms you want? Are you getting all the oral sex and intercourse you want? Are all the chores you want him to do getting done?

If the answer to any of these questions is “No,” who's to blame? In order to satisfy your partner's sexual desires, there is more you can do besides, fondling his cock all the time. He wants to serve you. He wants you to tell him how to do that. The problem is, do you know how to do that while satisfying his sexual needs? If you want him to wash the dishes, are you making it a “sexual” thing that he is doing for you? When you ask him to run to the store for you, are you making that a “sexual” thing?

My point is, he doesn't want “more” sexual attention. He's always wanted as much as he can get. It is up to you to make sure that even the smallest task is, in some way, sexual for him. Try telling him that if he will run to the store (do the dishes, or whatever you want him to do), you will give him some teasing at bed time. Or maybe, tell him to insert a small butt-plug before he performs the task. Another way might be to fondle his cock and balls for a few minutes (just enough to get him hard) while you tell him what you want him to do.

Another method might be to paddle him (or give some other punishment) if he fails to do what you ask. Many men will respond positively to discipline and/or punishment. You might even try spanking him before you tell him what you want him to do. Many men enjoy a little physical incentive.

Finally, are you using him for your own pleasure as much as you could be? One method of teasing a man in chastity, is to have him sexually please you. He will get aroused. Denying him relief afterwords, is an excellent way to prolong his “agony.”

Every man is different, but I have found most men who enjoy chastity, especially those who asked for it, really don't want to cum that often. Most of them fantasize about being denied an orgasm far longer than you might suspect. If you tease him until he begs to cum, and then allow it every time, you are not giving him what he really wants. If he has indicated that he would like to “try” longer periods of chastity (or denial), I suggest you give it to him.

If your partner has fantasies of long term denial, you should, by all means, make him wait longer between orgasms (his, not yours!). Don't tell him how long you are going to deny him, simply do it. If he asks when or if he can cum, tell him you have not decided, but that asking you about it just might make it longer. This should have a positive effect. If you have been giving him an orgasm every couple of weeks, or even once a month, try doubling the time between orgasms. By all means, DON'T tell him what you are doing. The more he doesn't know the more anticipation will build within him.

Trust me, if he seems greedy, you are not getting as much sexual attention as you should be. So go and get it!

Mistress Ivey

More On P.O.T.

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 13:08:00 +0000

The term “Post Orgasm Torture,” in itself, sounds almost horrible. Let's face it, any time you use the word “torture” you conjure up all sorts of medieval, horrific images. So I will just call it “Post Orgasm Torment.” I think that is a less terrifying phrase.

I have run across many women who don't understand exactly what I mean by POT, so let me clarify exactly what I am talking about. To put it bluntly, the head of a man's cock becomes extremely sensitive immediately after he cums. You may have discovered this yourself, probably by accident. Or you may have never experience it. Take heart, every man has this sensitivity.

It seems that the vagina is actually too well lubricated for normal intercourse to effectively produce the torment we are talking about here. Most men can continue to thrust their penis in and out of a woman after they ejaculate until their erection shrinks on it's own, without any discomfort at all. That's because there is so much lubrication (including his own semen) that he really can't feel anything. At least not on the head of his cock.

Let me warn you, if you engage in POT, your partner will (if you are doing it right) become almost violent. The problem is not that you are hurting him, it's simply that the extreme sensitivity makes them react in any way they can to stop it. It's like being held down and tickled. If you have ever been tickled until it became so intense that you find yourself fighting to stop it, well, you have experienced a little of what POT can be for the average male.

Most males, especially those who have not experienced much POT will not be able to control their reactions to it. Basically, what you will be doing is tickling them in the most sensitive spot on their entire body! In spite of what it may seem (or he may tell you) it does NOT hurt them. They will do absolutely anything to make you stop. They will scream, they will squirm, they will beg, and, in fact, try to make you believe that you are seriously hurting them. But in spite of what they do, or say, the fact is, you are tickling them.

Now that you know the truth about POT, let's talk about the best way to torment them post orgasm. Because of their potentially violent reaction, I strongly recommend that you (at the very least) bind their hands behind them. It is better to tie them down so that they are not able to move much at all. By the way, this is an extremely fun way to torment them!

Once you have your guy securely bound, go ahead and tease him any way you like. You can edge him, or anything else you enjoy doing up to, and including, the point at which he begins to “spurt.” Go ahead and allow him a full orgasm (otherwise this won't work).

As soon as his cock's throbbing begins to subside, take hold of the shaft and hold on tight. Using your other hand, rub the head of his cock with your fingers or palm. Do this gently, as that is all it will take. Instantly he will protest. Remember, he is NOT being hurt! He is being tickled! How long you can continue doing this will vary from man to man. But you should be able to do it for at least 10-30 seconds for the average guy. Sometimes you can go even longer.

Another method is to continue stroking his cock after orgasm. If you bring him to orgasm by stroking his cock, you simply continue stroking as long as your hand slides gently up over the head with each stroke. This method is not quite as effective, but should still give you an idea of what is possible. The problem is, every second of rest his cock gets, brings him closer to the point where it will no longer be so sensitive. But either way, you should still enjoy a few seconds of extreme sensitivity. Stroking the shaft does nothing. It's the head that is sensitive!

Don't listen to anything he says. He is only trying to prevent further torment. Again, you are NOT hurting him. But he will act as if you are. If you try this, please write me and let me know how it went. I would love to hear from you. Have fun with it!

Mistress Ivey

Reaching Too Far

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 14:31:00 +0000

If you have been interested in prostate milking, but have not been able to achieve good, consistent results, I may have stumbled onto the answer. I recently became aware of a problem that is more common that I originally thought. It seems that many (me included) try too hard and reach too far when attempting to massage our partner's prostate. I did a little research and have come to the conclusion that this is an easy thing to do.

As you can see from the photos, you should only have to insert your finger up to the second knuckle. If you are pushing your finger all the way in, you may be reaching too far. You should also be aware that you may not get much semen when doing this. If you get a small amount, allow your partner a minute to rest before you continue your massage.

Never press too hard. A firm, but not hard, pressure is all you need to get the results you want. If your partner is complaining that it hurts when you massage his prostate, you are probably doing one or two things: 1) You are pressing too hard or, 2) you are pressing on his bladder. If you reach too far in, you may (if you are lucky) press his seminal vesicles. These can (if done just right) produce more seminal fluid than the prostate. However, it is much more difficult to reach these vesicles. If you only reach the tip of these vesicles, you will be pressing more on his bladder and this can cause a great deal more pain than you it should.

So, I don't recommend trying to massage the seminal vesicles. Once your partner becomes more used to having his prostate massaged, he will begin producing more fluid from the massage. Remember, you can do this several times until all the seminal fluid has been expelled. You will only get a total amount approximately equal to one full ejaculation. The reason for this is that only one ejaculation is normal for a six hour period. That is, it takes about six hours for him to replenish his supply of semen.

If you have ever made your partner ejaculate several times within a few hours, you should have noticed a decrease in the amount of fluid produced in each successive ejaculation. If you practice ruined orgasms, you will notice the same decrease in semen production with each successive attempt. So, don't expect to get a full ejaculation's worth at the first massage. You will need to do it three or four times to “empty the balls” so to speak.

If you use an 'Aneros' or similar device, you should use a rocking motion in order to get the proper contact with the gland. You may also opt for an “in and out” or side to side movement of the device. So long as it rubs against the prostate gland, it should work.

Again, be patient, don't press too hard, and don't reach too far, and you should be successful. If you have questions, don't be afraid to write me. I will be discrete, and I welcome your questions.

Mistress Ivey

Pushing The Envelope

noreply@blogger.com (Mistress Ivey) — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 15:03:00 +0000

There is one area of your relationship that is difficult to understand... Your partner's fantasies. That is, exactly how far does one want to push a fantasy toward reality? This actually works both ways, but in most FLRs, the male doesn't have to worry about pushing the Mistress' fantasies too far. After all, she is in control. So how far she wants to push it is up to her. But how far do you push your chastity kept man's fantasies?

Let's say your guy has fantasies about being used by other women. He may actually enjoy it if you send him to the neighbor's house for the weekend. But how would you actually feel about that? On the other hand, suppose your guy fantasizes about watching you with another partner (cuckolding). Whether you want to do it or not is really irrelevant if you want to keep your relationship together. Many men fantasize about things that (romantically) sound good, but the reality of those fantasies might never live up to his expectations (or yours for that matter).

So how do you know just how far you can take a fantasy before the reality ruins it? Well, it all depends on the individuals involved. But you knew I was going to say that. You want a more definitive answer, right? Well, there is no more definitive answer. The only way you can effectively answer that question in any relationship is to communicate. You have to tell your partner (no matter which partner you are) exactly what you think you can handle. If you are not absolutely sure you can handle cuckolding, say so! Don't leave anything to doubt.

Okay, now he wants to be lent out to other women (while in chastity, of course) but you don't like the idea of him having sex (even in chastity) with another woman. What do you think about including another woman in your tease and denial sessions? Think about it. That might not be so bad. If you could handle that, why not try it. Maybe some day you will be able to send him home with someone else for the night.

By the same token, if cuckolding is on your list but definitely NOT on his. Maybe you can find a way to perpetuate the fantasy without making it reality. Remember, this applies to ANY activity that you don't BOTH completely agree upon. Many of these activities are a matter of building the trust you need between you both in order to feel secure in doing them.

Perhaps a slow and easy entry into any area of concern is the way to go. Then, you can always back out if either of you are still not comfortable with it. For example, corporal punishment can be something that either party might not be into. So try it out. Maybe a simple smack or two as a reminder of who is in charge will turn into something you both love doing (once you have tried it). If it turns out to be exciting for you both, you can increase the frequency or the intensity (or both) as time goes by.

The slow and easy method can be applied to anything in the tease and denial games you play. They can be used when setting up protocols, or deciding whether to use bondage, or how much or what type to use. It can be used in humiliation play. Start with something easy and slowly increase the to more and more humiliating scenes. Because of legal entanglements, some humiliation scenes might need to stay in fantasy form. But how do you handle that?

That's where you (as Mistress) must use your imagination. You need to know just what his fantasies are and use them when teasing him. Yes, you will have to talk. You will have to talk “dirty”! You will have to tell him his fantasies in your own words. But once you get used to doing that, it won't seem so bad. Kind of like bondage, once you try it it doesn't seem so kinky.

I guess what I am trying not to say is, whatever you do, make sure you communicate with each other, and take it slow. That's the best advice I could ever give anyone.

Mistress Ivey