Becoming Fearless

Responding To Insults

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 11:16:00 PDT

There are many ways of responding to insults constructively that keep you from getting sucked into a negative whirl. In fact, you can even approach the experience of being insulted as an opportunity to grow. But, first you have to realize that being insulted can have a positive outcome. the insult may have come to you to clear karma - to balance something negative you might have done in the past. Or, it may have come to help you build sgtrength and endurance, to teach you not to respond impulsively. Perhaps you are being invited to develop compassion, to look more deeply at who the other person really is and what they're going through.

If you do not take the insult personally, it cannot hurt you at all. Realize that the person who insulted you had to be in pain to behave that way. You could respond with kindness; you could offer understanding in return.

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

Change Is Not Loss

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 07:23:56 PDT

Most of us resist change because it feels like loss. But change is not loss, it is simply change; it is inevitable, healthy and necessary. Rather than seeing change as bringing new life and growth, it's easy to see it as a villain, taking something you've loved away. But if something truly belongs to you, nothing can take it away. If something does not belong to you, no matter how hard you cling to it, it still must go where it belongs.

What are you holding onto right now? What do you refuse to let go of?

When it's time for something to go, it has to go. Honor that. You cannot change the natural cycles and rhythms of life.

When you take your hands off life and allow it run its natural course, not only do you receive many wonderful surprises, but a great deal of energy and peace of mind are restored.

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

You Can't Step Into The Same River Twice

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:23:54 PDT

We all hold onto everything and want to keep things the same. Fear arises if a person changes, a job seems uncertain, or if a relationship begins to shift under our eyes. When change happens we feel like a failure or as if we're having to undergo loss.

But life is nothing but change. It cannot be otherwise. Change is natural, necessary, a force for growth. If a baby did not change, she would never go from crawling to walking, an older child would never go from kindergarden to first grade, a pregnant woman would never deliver her baby. Why do we fear and resist change so? Why do we spend so much energy holding back the natural tides?

To release fear about change, recognize the fleeing nature of life. Make peace with it. Spend time watching changes that take place naturally and embrace the beauty within these changes. See how each change brings something new in its wake.

Make a practice of enjoying change, welcoming it into your life. If you notice catastrophic expectations cropping up, say no to them. Focus on whatever life is giving, and say thank you for it.

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

How To Calm Down

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 14:01:28 PDT

No matter what is happening around us, it is never necessary to become trapped in feelings of fear. We are not the victims of the world we see. We can stop our automatic reactions; there are simple steps to take which can easily turn our state of mind around. Fear can easily become addictive. The longer we hold onto it, the more real it can seem, and the harder it becomes to take actions which are constructive and appropriate. The steps offered in this article are simple, but powerful. The more we practice them the stronger we become.

Tap Into Your Fundamental Strength

There is a wonderful saying,“Open the treasure house within.” This reminds us that we are all endowed with many resources that we’re not aware of, and do not use in our lives. In order to get in touch with these innate abilities, we must stop depending upon others to solve our problems for us. We must also give up blaming others, and turn within. As soon as we start to take responsibility for what’s happening and for the way we are responding it, we begin to tap into our fundamental strength.

Pay Attention

We are what we think about. When we stay fixed on one person, thought or situation, we become caught in the grip of that situation. The more we give attention to that which is upsetting, the more strength it has to rule our lives. This can be counteracted easily.

Take back your focus and attention. The power of focus is the power of life. Spend time each day developing focus and concentration. Withdraw yourself from the chaotic world for a period of time each day, and invite your attention back within. Sit with a straight back, do not move and pay full attention to your breath. Let random thoughts come and go. Do not suppress them, but do not let them grab your attention away. (At first you may be besieged by many surprising thoughts and feelings, but if you simply notice them and then return your attention to your breathing, these will soon die down). Count your breath from one to ten, then all over again. Do this for at least ten to fifteen minutes without moving. By doing this you are stopping what is called the monkey mind. You are also pulling the plug on fear.

Stop The Monkey Mind

The monkey mind is the mind that jumps from one thing to the next, fears, demands, grabs and sabotages our lives. It is this part of ourselves which causes sorrow and fear. But it cannot take over our lives, when we take charge of our focus. By meditating daily, we not only take the steam away from the monkey mind, strengthen parts of ourselves which can guide and lead us in a new direction. Before long we begin to experience calm, balance and well-being, no matter what’s going on.

Find A New Perspective

This wonderful time spent with oneself is a way to discover a new perspective, become able to see clearly and put the situation in a larger context. The new perspective becomes a fortification against many of life’s storms. By turning within, we develop a place we can always return to, for wisdom, strength and comfort. When we allow people and events to upset and consume us, we are inviting trouble, giving our precious, inner treasure away.

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

Fearless

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 06:58:08 PDT

Fearless

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

Mistakes Are Your Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 06:30:04 PDT

Of course we'll all be fearful and live with constriction when we're so afraid of making mistakes. But, there's nothing wrong with making mistakes. Mistakes are natural, inevitable, part of the process of growth and learning. You can't get up if you don't fall down. A child would never walk if they were afraid of falling. When we take action, we always learn. Whatever happens is our teacher. Why call it a mistake? Perhaps it was an unexpected outcome? Okay. There's even more to learn and discover from an unexpected result. Why do we punish ourselves for that? Who labels it a mistake? Instead, we might just say, we did something and something happened..now we'll do something else. You can't move forward if you fear failure, fear making mistakes. Why don't we turn it around and say, it's good to make a mistake. It means I've taken a chance. I've stood up my fear and become stronger than it.

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

Acknowledging Others

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 10:51:57 PDT

When you acknowledge others, it's like giving water to a thirsty plant.when you acknowledge someone, you offer honest, positive feedback about what they've done that has been meaningful to you. Usually we take everything for granted, including that the other person knows how we feel. They do not. Everyone thrives when they are acknowledged, yet most of the feedback we give to others has to do with what they have done wrong. We let them know when we're upset. But how about when we're happy or pleased. How about when they've gone that extra mile for us? Do we just feel we have it coming? Do we take the time to say thank you, or acknowledge the extra effort they've made.

Acknowledgment is a simple, but powerful force that allows others to feel appreciated, respected and supported, rather than feeling as though their efforts had little effect at all. Acknowledge someone by mentioning what they have done that was meaningful to you. Then let it sink in. Don't wait for a certain response, or expect or demand it. Let your acknowledgment be freely given and freely received. Both you and the other person will feel nourished, uplifted and inspired to do more.

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

The Perfect Person

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 06:26:51 PDT

We are all searching for a perfect person to love. When we find this ideal image, only then can we open our hearts and offer love. But the search to be or to find the perfect person, takes all your joy in life away. No matter how good everything is, or a relationship is, something always seems to be missing. This is a joke we play on ourselves. If we actually take some time to explore who this perfect person is that we're seeking, we can easily see, it's only some ego ideal. A dream, an image, a delusion.

Everyone contains everything, good and bad, beautiful and ugly, powerful and then weak at times. When we let go of judging and labeling and can be with the person moment by moment exactly as they are, the fresh breezes of spring wash through our hearts.

Stop demanding so much from each moment and person. See the beauty and perfection of what is offered. As you do so, you will soon realize that the perfect person to love is standing right in front of you.

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

Just a Little Taste of Love

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 08:46:37 PDT

Love is so powerful, just a little taste of real love, melts away so much fear and pain. And yet it is said that we are so stingy, we refuse to open our hearts and let that love out.

Many people feel that love causes them pain. They can get hurt or become too vulnerable. They are not aware of the difference between real and counterfeit love. Real love never hurts. Counterfeit love is confusing feelings of attachment, excitement, dependency and possessiveness with love. That is not love. That does cause distress. Real love is something else. It is based upon the principles of peace of mind. It creates a state of mind that is fearless and brings forth the best in others as well as ourselves. As we undertake the practice of fearlessness, we are basically undertaking the practice of peace of mind.

There are many small, easy and enjoyable steps in this process. One at a time the road is built. Each little step is do-able and enjoyable. All of them are based upon the beautiful poem, which says: "Open your hands if you want to be held." Take the focus off yourself and make an offering to another, with no expectation of something in return. That is a beautiful step on the highway of love.

Read more in Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

The Gift of Change

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 18:45:10 PDT

There is an incredible idea we all live with that everything will and should stay the same. We cling to this notion for dear life and are continually surprised when things we love leave, when relationships fade, our body changes, our fortunes fluctuate. When all of this happens, as it naturally must, we may even feel personally insulted or betrayed. Many say, “how can this be happening to me?” Others feel victimized by change, as if it’s living proof that they are failures. They have failed to hold everything together, to keep things the same. They have failed to have their expectations realized, expectations which did not factor in, the inevitable process of change.

You Cannot Step Into The Same River Twice

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus tells us that “you cannot step into the same river twice.” The next moment you step into the river, not only is the river different, but you are different as well. Your body temperature has changed, your mood, the moment. . You have been impacted by all that has gone on. The river too has undergone changes, it has washed over rocks, swished the underbrush, tossed different fish inside it. The river is different and so are you. How beautiful and thrilling. .

However, many do not feel that change is beautiful and thrilling. They find it frightening, resist it and do all they can to block it out. They set up dams to hold it back; rigid beliefs and ideas that seek to contain the flow. This resistance to change causes real pain.

If not for the process of constant change, no growth would be possible. You would not be able to tell the difference between childish infatuation and real compassion. After you breathed in, you could not breathe out. A child could not go from sitting to crawling. Change is your friend. Change is a gift. It is crucial that you learn to see it that way.

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

Fear of Dating: How to Overcome Your Fear of Dating

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 19:12:59 PDT

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

Vitamins and Minerals for The Heart, Mind and Soul

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 07:41:46 PDT

Vitamins and minerals for the heart, mind and soul are thoughts, behaviors, feelings and choices that will strengthen not only you, but everyone you come into contact with. Feelings are contagious. When we interact with a sense of gloom and anxiety, that is what we communicate to others. When we choose to take charge of our feelings and responses, when we take specific life giving actions then we build a foundation for a life that is constructive and uplifting. It's important to take our morning vitamins, shower and exercise our bodies. It's equally important to take vitamins and healthy actions for our heart, mind and souls. Just as we take a daily shower, our inner selves also need daily cleansing of unwanted thoughts and feelings. Then, whatever comes along, we cannot be shaken. We have developed the spiritual and psychological strength and fortitude to handle life joyously.

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

Overcoming Fear of Financial Loss

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 21:06:49 PDT

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

Fear and Your Wedding Day: How to Overcome It

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 21:05:36 PDT

www.becomefearless.org
Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
topspeaker@yahoo.com

The Practice of Hope

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 08:21:32 PDT

It's one thing to say, "Be hopeful, look to the bright side, there's reason to feel good, no mater how hard things seem. It's quite another to develop the unique and precious capacity to truly live each day in a positive, uplifted state of mind, no matter what is going on. This takes practice. It is not a fleeting feeling that comes and goes. True hope cannot be pasted over feelings of anxiety and sorrow.

In order to attain a truly hopeful state of being, we must learn to face the darkness, become able to encounter all kinds of situations, accept all parts of ourselves. Rather than hide from that which is unpleasant, we then become empowered to see the truth that is presented to us, and stay planted in what is most real and beneficial for all.

The Practice of Hope is based upon the principles of peace of mind. The following entries will go over some of these basic principles, so we can all live them, day by day.

Once we start, it will feel so good, we won't be able to stop.

www.becomefearless.orgDr. Brenda Shoshannatopspeaker@yahoo.com

You Can't Say Yes If You Can't Say No

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 13:20:13 PDT

So many of us fear saying no to others, ourselves or the endless demands that are made each day. But No, said rightly, is a statement of power. Much fear arises (especially in relationships) because we are unable to say No. This is not the impulsive, automatic no we offer out of resistance, petulance or being stuck. It's different. This kind of No comes from understanding and accepting the truth of both who you are and who you are not. It is a sign of respect for yourself, being able to be who you are and not having to distort or reject your truth.

Stop and take a moment to see what does not work for you, what is tiring, draining, repetitive and keeps you from being all you can be. Make a list. Then try saying No to one of these items. Allow yourself to reject what is wrong for you and make room for what is right. Allow yourself that taste of truth and all it brings in its wake.

www.becomefearless.org
Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind

www.becomefearless.orgDr. Brenda Shoshannatopspeaker@yahoo.com

An Easy Way to Become Fearless

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 11:57:59 PDT

A great source of fear in relationships is rejection by others. Now aware that we have rejected ourselves, we become overly hungry for the approval of others. When this is not forthcoming, many begin to feel that they are not basically loveable, that something is fundamentally wrong with them. Then they twist themselves in all kinds of ways to receive the acceptance and validation they so deeply desire.

Realize that you can never do or change enough to make someone love you. And, if you do, the one they love is not you, but some false figure you've constructed. Stop all that today and learn how to accept yourself exactly as you are. When you extend understanding and good will to yourself, you will not fear rejection from others.

Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind
www.becomefearless.orgDr. Brenda Shoshannatopspeaker@yahoo.com

Restoring The Self

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 16:26:11 PDT

There are many recovery groups these days; groups for alcohol, drug abuse, relationship abuse, sexual addiction, eating disorders, addictions of all kinds. How about recovery of the Self? Addictions and obsessions are fueled by hunger for the true Self, by the emptiness of life without it. Once the Self is recovered, equilibrium is established and everything else falls into place.

In the Practice of Fearlessness, it is crucial to know who you are and who you are not - what is false and unworkable in your life, where you are living someone else's dream. You must know what feels disturbing, fundamentally out of synch with who you are. It's important to acknowledge that which you cannot do, that which is not for you.

So many of us spend our lives twisting ourselves to conform to the expectations of others and completely lose touch with what is real for them. Families are famous for projecting their imags and demands on members. People "in love" can do the same. However, these images which are projected onto others can be lethal. They cause pain, distortion and lack of self acceptance, lack of knowing who we truly are.

Based on Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind
www.becomefearless.org Dr. Brenda Shoshanna topspeaker@yahoo.com

Fearless Relationship With Yourself

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 08:03:58 PDT

In order to build fearless relationships with others, it is necessary to first have a fearless relationship with yourself. This is based on knowing who you are and making friends. It can be easy to be a friend to another, and not so easy to become a friend to oneself. In order to be a real friend to yourself, it's important to take time in the midst of a busy day and notice how much time you spend each day doing what would truly make you happy and fulfilled? For most people, not much.

It may seem frightening at first to stop and schedule in time to do that which is nourishing and enjoyable for you - and to do this everyday. Some don't even know what that could be? Take time to be with yourself and find out what you'd truly like to do? Then give yourself the gift of doing it, (even for a little while) each day. Watch how your sense of well being develops. Notice new opportunities appear. As you do this you are actually taking energy away from the part within that sabotages, from the part of ourselves that refuses pleasure and joy. Little by little this part must be dismantled. . one day at a time.

www.becomefearless.orgDr. Brenda Shoshannatopspeaker@yahoo.com

Building Fearless Relationships

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Mon, 31 May 2010 08:04:11 PDT

Fear is a great factor in relationships. It confuses our mind, undermines our confidence and causes us to make unhealthy choices. But it is easy to build fearless relationships when we pinpoint the causes of fear, look it in the eye, and release this fear from our minds and hearts.

A great source of fear is rejection by others. Not aware that we have rejected ourselves, we become overly hungry for the approval of others. Rather than seeing relationships as a place of safety and support, they become dangerous. They become a place where we are constantly being tested to see if we measure up. In fact, we are constantly testing ourselves. If our partner is happy, if we've won the person of our choice, then we think we've succeeded and are worthwhile. If our partner leaves, if we can't get the person we long for, we decide we are failures and not deserving of love.

What a huge mistake! To build fearless relationships, we have to take a few steps back and start by building a fearless relationship with ourselves. We must release fear of rejection by others and stop rejecting ourselves.

Notice three ways you reject yourself. Stop it right now. Don't do it today. Turn it around and accept yourself, just as you are. Find ways in which you are lovable, this very moment. Start by accepting that.

(More to come)

www.becomefearless.orgDr. Brenda Shoshannatopspeaker@yahoo.com

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Sat, 29 May 2010 13:49:21 PDT

New Ways of Healing Suffering

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Sat, 29 May 2010 13:44:27 PDT

When pain comes into our lives, (whether emotionally or physically) we usually tense up, fight our problems, try to figure a solution, or depend upon our logical minds. We feel we must overpower our problems with expertise. As soon as we feel pain or discomfort, we immediately try to stop it from happening and look for some way to soothe what we are going through. This orientation leads to increasing stress and a never ending battle with anything upsetting that goes on. After one problem is conquered, another arises. There is little room for peace of mind.

We do not stop and wonder what exactly the pain is saying to us – is there a lesson to be learned? In the Emotional Balancing Method, we do something different. We learn how to stop, listen and discover the lessons the suffering is trying to teach us. Suffering often comes when we feel defeated or overly exhausted. The distress may be the only way we can give themselves permission to stop, rest, and make much needed changes in our lives. Rather than tense up to fight our problems, there is another way to approach them that allows natural healing energies and understanding to flow.

In order to do this, it is important to learn how to stop, pay attention and respect all that comes to us. It is as if we were re-focusing a camera, receiving our experience through a different lens. As we do so, we see that pain is not bad. It arises from lack of balance. Our suffering can be seen as a messenger. W hen we learn how to respect it, listen to it, and ultimately release it, healing begins in all kinds of ways.

Most of the time we are reluctant to notice the quality of our lives, moment by moment. We are all experts at brushing things under the carpet. Then the carpet begins to roll up at the corners, and we feel we are coming unglued. Our suffering demands that we now pay attention to all that has been unattended to. Stop and listen to me, it pleads. We learn to "dialogue" with our pain. As we do so, we find the suffering is holding a gift in its hands, and an entirely new life begins.

Learning To Listen

We usually listen only to part of ourselves. The rest is rejected. But no matter what we are rejecting, soon or later we must come up against it and face it straight on. Rejecting something never makes it go away. In fact, it will come back time and again, just for you to accept it. Everything needs to be loved and accepted, including our pain. When we allow ourselves to be present to the pain, to listen to what it has to say, incredible changes can happen.

Simply close your eyes, stop fighting, and ask what the pain is saying to you, what does it need right now? Then become very quiet and listen deeply. An answer may not come right away. Patience is needed. This attitude is called making friends with the pain. Answers come in different ways. Some hear answers within. Others see images, some have dreams. In this process you learn to be open to all that comes and in this openness, you learn. As you do this process over and over, fear diminishes and changes that are needed often take place on their own naturally. Try and see.

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Sat, 29 May 2010 13:45:30 PDT

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Sat, 29 May 2010 13:47:13 PDT

noreply@blogger.com (Dr Brenda Shoshanna) — Sat, 29 May 2010 13:46:50 PDT