Becoming Jewess

When Life Throws You Curveballs

2012-02-13T12:01:00.001-08:00

My first welcome. :) The Temple of Aaron!

2012-02-03T07:03:00.000-08:00

I had my first welcome!

Rabbi Shavit-Lonstein from the Temple of Aaron wrote a really nice note and welcome.

I am really excited and will schedule to start going next week (have to work tonight and tomorrow morning - figures!) It's such a relief to have a nice welcome. I can't even tell you guys!

Have a busy day today, but will gush more later. :)

Rose

2012-02-02T20:20:00.000-08:00

How is my path to Judaism going?

Not very well, so I've decided to self-study until I can do more. It took soooo long for someone to get back to me, but the rabbi at the synagogue I wanted to meet with said I lived too far away, so now I will have to go to a different temple. I am debating between Mount Zion and the Temple of Aaron in MN. Mount Zion is a reform synagogue, and the Temple of Aaron is conservative.

I am afraid that if I convert through a reform synagogue, that the conservative temples won't acknowledge it. I'm not sure, however, if I convert through the conservative temples, if the Orthodox Jews will accept it. I just don't know who to talk to about these things. I just know it's extremely important to me not just to convert, but to also, finally, feel acknowledged and like I belong. Judaism is my ancestry, and I want it back!

The Temple of Aaron on the other hand, says right off the bat that they want money. It's understood, in my opinion, that I would need to give to my Temple, but... first I'd like to know they are the right temple or not. What if the community is very clique-ish and doesn't accept me? That happened at the last temple I went to. It took 6 months for people to start talking to me, and I can be surprisingly shy for someone who writes down their every thought!

So, I found this great site in my efforts to self-study (http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/109851/jewish/Tales-from-the-Past.htm). Here is the first teaching from the Midrash from that site.

A group of people were travelling in a boat. One of them took a drill and began to drill a hole beneath himself.
His companions said to him: "Why are you doing this?" Replied the man: "What concern is it of yours? Am I not drilling under my own place?"
Said they to him: "But you will flood the boat for us all!" (Quoted in Midrash Rabbah, Vayikra 4:6).

So, this passage bothers me, because it feels unfinished. On the other hand, the symmetry of someone saying I am alone and what I do doesn't affect anyone else, when it obviously does so in an enormous way, is very interesting.

In a way, it's also saying that suicide is wrong too. You might wonder how I got to that point, but I'll leave it to your own bright minds to figure out.

But, to me, what feels unfinished is what he does or doesn't do, or what he says or doesn't say next. Do the people stop him, or does he stop himself after being chastened.

Did he ultimately choose the path of wisdom, or the path of foolishness?

What do you think?

What if the boat was on land?

Pro-Christianity shouldn't be Anti-Semitic, right?

2012-01-28T06:11:00.000-08:00

"I am not anti-Christian, just anti 'I am better than you because I know God's true vision,'" by Timothy J. on Flickr.

You know, there's some things that probably shouldn't be talked about, but I can't seem to help myself, and a family member just started saying some things about me becoming Jewish that made me profoundly uncomfortable. I guess I won't share too much of it, but this is not the first, or last time in my life that someone will come across to me as anti-semitic.

And I'm pretty sure that someone else that was, up to recently, close to me like family, seems to be passive-aggressively upset about it too, but not anti-semitic, thank goodness.

I don't like feeling like I have to defend my choice when it should be between me and G_d. Why do I talk about it at all then? I guess I'm hoping to find a community of loving people of Jewish faith that will take me in and help my conversion be easier and kinder. It has never happened which is another reason why I haven't converted before, but I'm now starting to realize that I need to meet people halfway, and I just don't have the resources yet.

The thing is though, that some people are taking my choice in faith personally. I have tried, very hard to believe in Jesus for the past 30 years, and I just can't. But I do believe in G_d with all my heart and all my will. So, it makes sense to me to be the faith of my ancestors. I really believe that if G_d wanted me to believe in Jesus he would have found a way to do so. Since he hasn't, I must assume that Christianity is not the religion he's been guiding me towards.

I did find the Qu'ran extremely beautiful, but the lifestyle doesn't make sense to me. I can understand women covering their hair, but not women having to cover their individuality, or that we're just sexual temptresses trying to bring about the fall of mankind everywhere.

As beautiful as that holy book is, there are just some things I'll never understand, and therefore, cannot get behind. That doesn't mean that I think it's wrong - just not something I understand.

Of all the religions, Judaism is the one where I feel called to. I could have spent the rest of my life hiding my secret lack of faith in Jesus, but I'm too honest and not enough of a coward for that. I've done my very best to be convinced, but am no longer willing to hide away from my G_d like that. I do wish the journey didn't have to cause so much angst in others when it really isn't up to them.

Why does it seem so difficult to follow what I believe to be the right path for me? I'm not trying to convert anyone else or take them with me! Why does anyone think they have a right to judge you on your religion? I just don't understand it!

My video introduction to Becoming Jewess

2012-01-23T11:06:00.001-08:00

I'm so sorry everyone - I don't know how to resync the voice with the video. :( I have no idea why it did that!

Some wonderful poems

2012-01-19T21:24:00.000-08:00

I'm not the kind of person to say something is true without studying it, or without thinking deeply about it, and even if no one ever reads my writing, at least I know that if someone does read it, that it's the best input I can give at any moment in time.

You may be wondering why I'm not going to the Synagogue yet, but the truth is that I'm so broke that I am constantly choosing between things like groceries and gas, or gas and rent. So, while this conversion is extremely important to me, I just can't follow things through without help (and believe me, my prayers are constant).

Anyway, I found a free app on my phone for Famous Jewish Poetry (that's what it's called). Unfortunately, there's no names on these poems, but some of them have struck me extremely hard.

I don't think you get everything from a good poem the first time you read it - so far, this poem is the best I've read (and it's amazing!). I just wish I knew something about the author/ess.

How Could the Lord for Our Sake Part the Sea

How could the Lord for our sake part the sea
And choose full well a folk that evil knew?
Passion, greed, and cruelty each Jew
Possesses with Egypts children equally.
Yet those the Lord annointed as His own,
Passing over them on vengeance bent,
After many centuries to repent,
Still have, like other humans, hearts of stone.

So must we understand the Lords high will
On us to place a burden, not a crown.
Vivid though His love, we lay it down
Even as we think we bear it still,
Righteous in our hearts, yet doing ill.

And here's another one I really like.

Here we have a story for the world

Here we have a story for the world,
A tale of justice served and freedom
won.
Principles of goodness, universal,
Printed out on stone by Gods own
hand.

Yes, the past was bloody, and the old
Promise was by faithlessness undone.
And wonders ceased, memories
turned brittle,
Shadows fell, and love turned into land.
Still the story breathes the air of
words.
Old and new, a tale not writ in stone,
Vast as the hard history of a people
Ever changing, ever one, a grand
Recital running through times glass like sand.

If you're like me and love these poems, feel free to share them with others, and others with me. I am absolutely in love with this new way of seeing!

Does G_d Speak English?

2012-01-17T10:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I learned a lot in a very short amount of time, and I think it will take me some time to process it. I learned a lot more about Jewish history, and about photographers, and really, a lot about family too.

One of the things I learned yesterday are that there are men who spend their entire days praying in the Temple. It's unclear how exactly they make money to support their families, but I'm guessing the congregation helps out here and there.

I don't know if there is a female equivalent of that, but it has an appeal to me. Well, not the praying without studying (because I like to study too), but spending every moment trying to commune with God. It seems as if there is a need in every religion for someone to focus their lives on that communication, whether you're Jewish, a Buddhist Monk, or a Catholic Priest or Nun.

One of the things I don't know is if I'll have to stop saying God when I convert. Will I have to spell it like this G_D? I imagine it's ok to spell it out because God wouldn't have spoken to people in English, so i think I'm safe, but it'll be interesting to see what the Rabbi or other members of the church will think. People talk about developing a relationship with your rabbi, but I imagine he's a pretty busy guy. How can every person have a relationship with one person? I just don't understand.

I was blessed yesterday to meet someone so wise and knowledgable about my ancestor's people. I want to know if there are prayers that people say to bless their children and their children's children. I want to know if it could be my ancestor's prayers that are bringing me home to the faith I always was - do you know what I mean?

I mean that, for me, prayers have power, and I don't believe God has ever ignored my prayers. I don't believe he ignores anyone's prayers - just that his higher good sometimes outweighs our own needs at this moment. But, again, I don't know. I'm looking forward to having people to talk to about these kinds of things!

Patience - I have none

2012-01-16T09:39:00.000-08:00

(Unless you're a child, an elderly person, or a bad speller, you won't find patience here!)

I've been waiting for about 2 weeks for the Rabbi to make an appointment with me. From his internet presence, and from what someone said about him, I think I'm going to like him a lot, but waiting is hard for me!

Before anyone gets confused, I am doubly blessed in having two Mom's, and doubly cursed in having two Dad's (unless my adopted Dad stops being weird, in which case he becomes a blessing again).

My birth-mother was sick her whole life and has passed on, but my adopted Mom and I have a great relationship. She taught me all I know about having patience by the way. Oh, wait, didn't I just say I don't have any? ;)

We were talking about my conversion this year, and I asked her to keep an eye out for any children's books that teach Hebrew, or are about Jewish traditions in an easy - to - follow way. I'm in my mid-30's, so I am perfectly capable of reading the big grown-up books, and I do actually have, and have read many big grown-up books on the subject, but there's so much information in them that it's hard to remember it all. I think I have to graduate up to the adult books, just like children do.

I have a wonderful book about Jewish holiday's that's about 5 inches thick. It might be this one (http://www.amazon.com/Exploring-Jewish-Tradition-Transliterated-Observance/dp/0385494548/ref=sr_1_75?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326734767&sr=1-75), but since I moved, i can't find it. Anyway, I did spend a year reading the whole thing, but there was so much information in it, that I'm going to have to spend at least another year re-reading it. Seriously, the word 'Transliterated' alone should have made me put it back!

I really liked this one: http://www.amazon.com/Life-Celebration-Jewish-Being-Thinking/dp/0446670022/ref=sr_1_45?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326734638&sr=1-45. It's a great book in that it's small, and very interesting. I was able to read about 3 pages at a time, think about them for a week, and go back and read more without being overinundated. This is not a small or easy religion to get behind.

(I can't wait to read the Torah in Hebrew for the first time. I am really looking forward to that. I think young women do that in their Bat Mitzvah's right? I wonder how long it will take me to be able to do that.)

Someone asked me if I think that God cares what religion I am. I am not sure if he does or not - I'd have to ask him. I have to assume, because there are so many religions out there, that he doesn't. What matters to me though, is that I follow where I believe he is is calling me, and that I approach him respectfully, lovingly and dutifully in the way that the God of our pre-determination deserves.

And if I'm wrong?

Then I'll have been wrong - but at the end of it all, I hope I will have been a light in the world for someone.

Rabbi says No 3 times

2012-01-15T11:59:00.000-08:00

So, it's my understanding from Jewish tradition, that when you want to convert to Judaism, the Rabbi will say no to you 3 times.

I have yet to meet with my Rabbi (he's a busy guy), but it's very interesting to me, that in my world, I have been rejected in pursuing this path 3 times.

I told a few wonderful people who I loved about it, and they both told me to reconsider, because they were afraid of what would happen if I 'rejected Jesus.'

I think Jesus was a really great man, and I also think he was the son of God. Just as my brother is the son of God, and I am the daughter of God. We are all the children of God, so to me, that's not rejecting, that's accepting him - just not his divinity as being the same as God.

To me, God is the one who made dark matter and gravity, cause and effect, and the delicate chain of interdependency of which none of us could exist without. Even if Jesus were God, he came after all that happened, and it's never made any sense to me anyway.

I think the Torah is the most true history of the big 3 religions in the world, Judaism, Christianity and Islam (not to disparage Hinduism, Buddhism, or even Agnosticism/Atheism). It is the oldest and has been tampered with the least. There have been no councils outlawing words or sections in the Torah, and, as far as I know, there has been no history of the Jewish people trying to force others into our faith.

It will take me a while to fully convert, but I feel as if my faith is the right one for me. I can't imagine anything that will change me into a Christian. I think God read my heart and is guiding me back to the religion of my ancestors.

Shalom.

Aleph

2012-01-07T20:51:00.000-08:00

I learned a Hebrew letter today, the Aleph. From a distance, it looks like an N or an X, but to me, the Aleph looks like a diagonal line with a broken s. I also read about a guy who wondered what enclosed infinity, and what the absence of infinity was, which he called Aleph Nought (or someone did), and found out that there's a whole mathematical set called Aleph's which try to define infinity.

Cool!

I have no idea what the Aleph is, other than the first letter in the Hebrew 'Aleph-bet,' and whether it has meaning to becoming Jewish, although I suspect it does.

I also just learned that the word 'midrash' means 'teaching,' and while catchy, is not something you need antibiotics for.

ALEPH!

Huh? Why Judaism?

2012-01-06T22:03:00.000-08:00

I've decided that 2012 will be the year that I finally convert to Judaism, and not just because I'm pretty sure I was born with that extra heaping helping of Jewish guilt, and what some people have termed 'that Jewish nose.'

I'm not doing it for attention, or to get spammed and picked on by haters, or to annoy the X-ians in my life (as tempting as that might be), but because it's the right path for me, and has always been.

I've spent the last 36.9 years trying to become Christian, knowing that it was a losing battle, but trying to keep it to myself. I've finally realized that I'm never going to be a Christian, and it's time to be open about it - surely even the most devout of Christian people can imagine that God can still be calling people to the old religion.

And I'm not becoming Pagan, Satanic, or an Atheist - props there anyone?

You're right - I wouldn't give 'em to me either - and if you think I'm going to hell for rejoining the chosen people, then there's going to be one heck of a lot of us down there.

Do the Jewish people believe in a hell? Hmmm. I have so much to learn!

So, this is the start of my journey to conversion, and I imagine the next few years will unfold me like the Rose I was named after. I plan to start one layer at a time, first at a Reform Jewish Temple in Minnesota, called Shir Tikvah, and if that's not the right fit for me than onto a conservative Jewish Temple. I think it's unlikely I'll go all the way to Orthodox, because I just don't like extremism in any religion, but I do promise to stay open-minded.

Stay tuned for more stories!

Rose